Great one liners
- Worry: interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
- Procrastination is a fault that most people put off trying to correct.
- She listened with rapt inattention.
- Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
- There is some consolation in the fact that even if your dreams haven't come true, neither have your nightmares.
- A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.
- Decide promptly, but never give any reasones. Your decisions may be right, but your reasons are sure to be wrong.
- A convincing talker is the guy who can keep two hands in his pockets while describing the fish that got away.
- Electric clocks reveal to you precisly when your fuses blew.
- Even more worse than a storm or a riot, is a bunch of kids who are suddenly quiet.
- Optimist: someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice".
- Laugh alone and the whole world thinks your an idiot.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Therapy has taught me that nothing is my fault.
- Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans!
- Oh, I heard you, i just don't care.
- I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
- Don't you hate it when you stop to think... and forget to start again?
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Seen on bumper stickers and shirts
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- Only the paranoid survive....
- Your village called; their idiot is missing.
- Geezer(formerly known as studmuffin).
- Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.
- Don't annoy the crazy person.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- Your slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
- Scientists say 1 out of 4 people are crazy. check 3 of your friends, if they're ok, you're it.
- Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. (Homer Simpson)
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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