September

I probably shouldn't be taking this time to update now, but the longer I wait, the longer the update will take, so I'll just do this now and hope I can get a lot done tomorrow.

Wednesday (Thursday morning) sleep: got in bed around 23:00, couldn't fall asleep, got out of bed around 1:30, got back in bed around 4:00, fell asleep around 5:00, and got up at 9:00. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I really couldn't afford the time (I was originally planning on getting up at 8:00, but I gave myself the extra hour when I wasn't falling asleep easily- that would have to do). Traffic was so obnoxious at 9:00, that it made me angry enough to get out of bed rather than hit snooze a zillion times. So obnoxious traffic once in a blue moon can be a sort of good thing.

Wednesday was busy. I did some stuff for acting, talked to my scene partner some more, did some work (a particularly ridiculous, never-ending deadline), replied to some overdue emails, and did a little cleaning.

Thursday was even busier. First I went to the bank and then finally bought some sunglasses (a bit more than I wanted to pay but at least there's no distortion). Then I went to talk to Louisa to make sure everything was in order for my major in terms of graduation (she didn't know how to make sure my RCAs were counted, but she said she'd look into it- I know she's new at the advisor thing, but that should be a basic concept she should know already). Then I waited in line for 45 minutes at the Oasis to get the graduation audit form. Turns out, the woman gave me the wrong form, so I had to go back later and wait in line again (that was obnoxious). I didn't want to wait in line again right away though (I was too irritated with the whole process), so I got a bite to eat and then went to get my books for classes (they didn't have one in and had no clue when it would be in)- waiting in line at the registers actually took less time than I expected- I only waited about 30 minutes. Then I read "Ubu Roi" (just enough time to finish it before class). Just before I started reading, I got completely exhausted, congested, and faint. I took a Lorazepam and then was just exhausted. I was exhausted during avant-garde class (where we had to work on another little performance- we'll perform them on Tuesday), while running errands after class, and all evening while trying to work. But then of course, I got in bed around 22:00, and got more and more awake the longer I tried to fall asleep. I need to learn how to not wake up as I'm getting in bed to fall asleep.

So last night, I didn't fall asleep until sometime between 1:00 and 2:00 and woke up from a nightmare 30 minutes before my alarm was going to go off (at 7:00). The nightmare: Jeff Purser was giving me ride back to my parents' old house (they were still living there)- the area had changed dramatically- there were new roads and houses surrounding the house- Paula was mad at me for some reason- an actor on General Hospital was there with a video camera, saying how the lighting looked like a scene from "The Shining"- then the front door was open even though it was locked a few minutes before that- I went to make sure some girl was asleep where she should have been, and Stephen King was there trying to attack her- he looked like an evil character from one of his stories- I grabbed the girl and tried to distract Stephen by using his real name instead of his character's name- then I ran up the stairs, carrying the girl, threw her onto the landing when we got near the top so she could escape- then I followed her in a room and locked the door- then I woke up. I did not want to get out of bed this morning, but I finally managed and actually felt okay the whole day until about 17:00 (at least the exhaustion waited until after I got home). At 17:00, pure exhaustion hit. I literally couldn't move until about 21:00. Now I feel slightly more awake but still pretty tired.

Tara (my scene partner) and I rehearsed for a short amount of time this morning, and I didn't really feel prepared, but the scene conveniently went okay. Then I went to the admissions office since, for the 2nd time, I submitted a transfer credit equivelency form for one of the humanities requirements (the Classics one- I had to get that filled out again in May) and did not receive the update on my transcript. After the guy went behind the wall to talk to some people and be all secretive, he finally came back and told me it was fixed (and gave me the proof). Finally! No clue why they couldn't fix it the last 2 times, but at least it's fixed. And I also made sure my foreign language exemption was on the transcript. Amazingly enough, it was. Now I just have to get Louisa to sign my graduation audit and submit that to the Oasis. Then comes the hard part. Getting Oasis or admissions or whoever the powers that be may be in this case, to actually get all my forms right and allow me to graduate without having to go yell at people a few times. I especially want that part to go smoothly since I won't really have time to go and yell while I'm packing and moving in January.

Oh, and today on my way home, I was crossing the street, looking both in the direction traffic was coming from and behind me a few times, in case someone turned into me from behind, and guess what? I got hit by a biker who was driving the wrong way on the street. Fortunately, he saw me before I saw him and slowed down to avoid hitting me, so he didn't hit as hard as he could have- it hurt, but I'm okay. But this kind of thing really needs to stop. How was I supposed to know a biker would be coming from wrong direction on a one-way street? I can't look in every direction at once.

My schedule is crazy this weekend (no more crazy than it was this week- it just never ends when classes are in session). I'm hoping to relax for an hour or two on Sunday night though, after Jon and Michelle leave. Hope I can afford the time. As long as I can read 3 plays and 2 essays for avant-garde, do my acting journal, read a few chapters in the acting book, do some organising, do some work, fill out my insurance form, arrange travel plans, and go out to dinner with Jon and Michelle on Saturday night before Jon and Michelle leave, I should be okay. I can save the rest (cleaning, work, avant-garde paper, start looking for a scene to use for our next performance in acting...) for Monday.

And no clue when I'll start watching Six Feet Under. At least I have all the episodes taped now.

Jon and Michelle should be here in a few hours. I hope they get here before 1:00 so there's more of a chance I'll get 6 hours of sleep tonight. That would require falling asleep before 3:00 though, so who knows?

And about Hurricane Katrina? What a mess. What a mess! Why was it not a priority to get help to the area once the damage occurred (I guess I know a partial answer for that- FEMA is a big problem)? And of course I'm seriously bothered by the fact that some of the damage could have been prevented had the federal government not denied the funds originally requested for prevention. I wonder if this can cause any major (or even slightly major) changes in our government- proper funding for things that really need it, incentives for alternative energies, investing in the infrastructure of this country... That's probably too much to ask though.

September 5 12:30
Listening to: Joe Zawinul- "Dialects"
Site of the Day: Overheard in New York
Interesting News Story of the Day: Falluja Floods the Superdome (I hope everyone reads this)
United States of Shame (and this too)
Berry farmer's suit stuns organic Goliaths
Gas Stations Running on Empty
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Again, I feel like I shouldn't take the time to do this, but I don't want to give up entirely yet. I'll just have to find a way to do some things more quickly or something to make up for the 15-30 minutes I spend on this site every few days.

I took 30 minutes on Friday night before Jon and Michelle got here to refresh my memory of neurotransmitters/receptors to see if I could understand more about anxiety. Unfortunately, it provided more questions than answers, especially when it comes to sleeping issues (circadian rhythms, serotonin, insomnia, benzodiazepines...)- I have no patterns so it's hard to figure things out. I understand everything in textbook situations (and it's such cool stuff- I should read more brain books in my non-existent spare time- when I'm finished with school and I'm all moved and settled, I'll read some brain books for my mental exercise), but I am definitely not a textbook case. So, more things to ask my doctor on Wednesday. I wish he would/could tell me more than he does. Any time I ask a question, he gives very vague, general answers.

Jon and Michelle got here around 1:00, and I actually got to sleep before 3:00! Woke up at 9:00 (tired, but not terrifically exhausted).

Friday night, I tried to explain my health issues to Jon and Michelle, and I got the expected response. The response where people listen to the topic, only hear the few words they understand, assume they understand everything, and reduce the problem to a simplified one- ignoring all the complexities. And then they tell you what your problem is. They somehow assume they know something you don't even though you've been dealing with the problem and researching the problem for months. I don't know why people do this- act like they know everything rather than admit they don't understand something and ask questions to see if they can understand something better.

Had a few little New York moments on the bus Saturday morning- not worth going into here, but I'll just say they put me in a better mood than if I'd had the typical bus experience of annoying/boring/stupid people (the kind of people quoted on my site of the day). The moments connected the people on the bus- it's a much different feeling- one that's too rare these days. It was also a beautiful day, which helped my mood some more (and my health).

So I got to the park Saturday afternoon feeling pretty good. I'm glad I splurged on the sunglasses the other day since even though I don't like that they make everything a yellowish tint, there is no distortion and I can actually even see things more clearly. Things are more sharp- including words, so I can read signs a little farther away than without the glasses.

I enjoyed the walk until I was almost out of the park. Around 13:00 (near Bethesda Fountain), I got extremely lightheaded and faint. I took a Lorazepam, but it didn't kick in for about an hour. I made it to the subway and wound up having to wait 30 minutes for the train- sitting down there in that heat certainly didn't help. As I was sitting there, I contemplated asking someone for help, but I didn't know what I wanted to do exactly- maybe take a cab, but I didn't want to try to walk up all the stairs, so I just kept waiting for the train. I felt awful on the train and awful heading up the stairs at Columbus Circle. I was planning on walking down to 57th and taking the bus crosstown to get home (and ignore the few errands I was planning to do), but the idea of walking the 3 blocks to 57th sounded daunting, so I just waited for a cab. I started feeling a bit better in the cab, and by the time I got home, I was just exhausted (the lightheadedness went away). But I was so exhausted, I couldn't function. So instead of completing my to-do list, I became a couch potato, watching whatever crap was on TV until Jon and Michelle got back.

By the time they got back and decided on a place for dinner (Sirabella's), I was feeling slightly more functioning, so I decided to go to dinner with them and Trisha. I was feeling fine by the time we got there, so I had an issue-free dinner and after-dinner walk. Then we came back here and played a few rounds of Taboo (Jon and I are really good at that).

Around midnight, I crashed again. I was lightheaded and completely exhausted and couldn't concentrate on anything. So I got in bed and fell asleep before 2:00. Woke up at 10:00. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I wasn't tired enough, which was probably good since I had 2 days worth of stuff to do (so much for the relaxing Sunday night I had hoped to do).

I was fairly tired yesterday morning but still managed to do some reading for classes. Unfortunately, I couldn't do all the reading. I didn't realise this until yesterday, but two of the plays I need to read are only available on reserve at the library. I'll have to hope they're available on Tuesday between classes- that's the only time I'll have to read them. Why can't the library be open on weekends? So instead of writing my paper today, I'll have to write it on Wednesday. And if the plays aren't available to read on Tuesday, I'll have to tell the instructor about the library issue (this is his first semester here). He seems like a reasonable man, so it shouldn't be a problem- I'm sure he'll give us an extention if necessary. Yesterday I also did some stuff for acting but not enough- I'll have to work some more on that today. And I also didn't make travel reservations for Canada. Not sure why. I think I want to talk to Kristin first about the area where her parents live- how much driving I'll need to do, how hard it is to drive if there's bad weather, the likelihood of bad weather, how much time I'll need for certain things... If it sounds too complicated, I might look into a Montreal trip instead (even though I'd prefer Nova Scotia, I might prefer going to a place where I don't need a car). So I'll call her tonight (hope she's home) and book the trip tomorrow night.

September 9 19:00
Listening to: Tom Waits- "Rain Dogs"
Site of the Day: My Travel Rights
Interesting News Story of the Day: Top FEMA leaders short on experience
Haunted by Hesitation
Point Those Fingers
9/11 Loan Fraud: Congress to Now Investigating
Trains Moving Again after Fire, Smoke at Penn Station
The "city" of Louisiana
NORML Launches Video Blog Focused On Education And Personal Point-Of-View
Braced Once More for a Last Picture Show
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Here I am again, not having the time to update but will anyway.

Got a fair amount of sleep Monday night (about 7 hours) but woke up Tuesday morning feeling pretty crappy. Felt crappy on and off all day, finally took a Lorazepam around 14:00 (was trying not to take one since you're not supposed to take them too often- although I found out from my doctor on Wednesday that you have to take a lot more than I was taking for it to be a problem), and felt mostly better about an hour later.

I was in pain on Tuesday though- my neck, shoulders, and chest hurt. That could be from the warm ups we do in acting, but maybe not. They didn't hurt all weekend but they hurt Tuesday morning, before class. So who knows? I know my hamstrings hurt from acting warm ups, but that doesn't scare me as much as the neck/chest/shoulders. The neck and chest are better now but my shoulder blades still hurt at times, especially when trying to stay still (that's been going on for a few months though- I guess it's arthritis).

Had to do the runaround at the library on Tuesday afternoon- reserve desk, going to find the different information they needed this year (it was set up differently last year, so I gave them the old information the first time), bar code activation on a different floor, back to the reserve desk... But they did have the book I needed. It helps that it's a small class and no other class is using that book. It would be nice if the other reserves are also always available when I need them, but I'm not holding my breath.

Lost a little time Tuesday evening because of a HUGE line at the drug store. One would think, with drug stores on almost every block in my neighbourhood, that there wouldn't be crowds. But I guess most of the stores are lousy and this one is only semi-lousy, so everyone goes to this one? I don't know, but I was in line for almost 30 minutes. Plus, we got out of class 10 minutes late (which seems to be a pattern with this instructor- good thing I don't have a class right after that one). So instead of a little before 18:00, I didn't get home until after 18:30. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but my schedule is so packed, losing even only a few minutes makes a difference. In this case, it kept me up later, taking care of a lot of work and writing a paper.

So I was up late Tuesday night finishing everything, decided to take care of 2 things on my to-do list for Wednesday and get to sleep a little later Wednesday morning. Great plan that didn't work. Early Wednesday morning, someone rang my doorbell a few times. By the time I got to the door, they were gone, so I don't know why they rang (probably rang the wrong bell and wanted someone else on my floor or something). What are the odds though? No one should be ringing my doorbell in general since, even if they were looking for me, they would have to go through the doorman first, who would call up to tell me they were here (and I don't hear the phone if I'm asleep since I don't keep the ringer on- I called the doorman and they had no clue who rang my bell). So it just happens that the one morning I try to sleep in a bit, someone would be up on my floor and ring my bell by mistake.

So I woke up pissed off from the doorbell ringing and also had a ton of congestion. But other than those 2 things, I had a pretty good Wednesday. Until at night. Around 22:00, I so exhausted I couldn't function anymore, so I got in bed at 22:30 and fell asleep rather quickly. Why was I so exhausted? I went to the doctor Wednesday afternoon, and he decided to give me a prescription for Lexapro. Lorazepam is more for short-term use and I needed something for long-term. It takes up to 4 weeks to get the full effects, and I can continue taking the Lorazepam in addition if I need it. So I took a Lexapro at 21:00. The effects lasted until 21:00 the next night (last night). It was a mess! I slept very well but woke up feeling drugged. My whole body was clenched and I was sweating. It felt a bit like the morning after taking LSD or Ecstasy. I was completely exhausted and in a daze and had major pressure on my head through the whole day. I actually went to lie down at the health centre briefly in the afternoon. I called my doctor, and he told me to only take half a dose, and if that does the same thing, he would put me on something else. I was going to take half a dose last night, but since the effects of the one I took Wednesday night were just starting to wear off at 21:00, I decided not to take anything and just start tonight. So Thursday wasn't very productive at all, and I'm seriously behind now.

I did get a few things done yesterday though- things that didn't require much thought. I got Louisa to sign my graduation audit form, and I stood in line for a while to give that to Oasis (now I just wait for the preliminary audit and they'll contact me if there are any problems, then comes the full audit and then I should be able to graduate, unless they screw up something else), and I also partially caught up on my acting journal.

Got in bed last night around 21:30 and didn't fall asleep until around midnight. But I felt pretty good today, other than a few tired and dizzy points.

Acting is getting overwhelming. Today she gave us sheets on how to do a scene performance response- objectives, established relationships, units, actions, subtext, attitudes, movement... (we'll have to do those critiques for every performance of our classmates- about 12 pairs times 6 performances for each pair- so about 72 critiques), and she gave us a sheet for our acting observation reports (going to 2-3 plays and writing a paper on a particular actor- how they used their body, diction, articulation, pitch, character's attitude/discoveries, subtext, objectives, actor's strengths/weaknesses...), and then she gave us a 12 part assignment with multiple sections for each of the 12 parts (so it's about 60 complex projects) for our character analysis for scene work (things like script analysis: attitude toward the other characters and the changes, discoveries, things the character says about themselves...; abstractions: life study, direct object study, unwritten scenes...; self portrait: full colour, in costume, objects that reflect the character...; groundplan: set, movement diagram...; scored text: units, keys, actions, subtext...- and that's just a fraction of the stuff)- we'll each be performing 2 scenes, 3 times each. And of course then there's the weekly reading and the daily journals and the rehearsals... And all that's fine for an advanced acting class, for people that want to devote their lives to acting. But this is a required class for all theatre majors, and not all of us want to be actors. It's too much work for what this class is about.

Not that avant-garde isn't overwhelming (all the reading, projects, and performances), but I'm enjoying the subject matter, unlike acting, which is a waste of my time. Plus it's an advanced-level class (unlike acting, which is a 200-level class), so you expect it to be quite a bit of work.

I finally booked all parts of my Canada trip today. Going to stay the first night near the Halifax airport because I couldn't get a flight early enough to drive to Kristin's parents before dark (hate not being able to drive at night) and because the airport is closer to Halifax than her parents, so it'll be less driving if I stay closer to the city the first night, hang out in Halifax on the 11th, drive to her parents that afternoon, and then do things closer to their house on the 12th (like hiking and visiting a little village and maybe visiting a Dutch cheesemaker with Gouda-style cheeses and a tearoom and then maybe a museum if there's time- but that's probably too much for one day, so I'll have to figure out which ones to do- in the evenings, when I won't be able to go anywhere, I'll do schoolwork). Then the 13th I head to Toronto (but not until the afternoon, so maybe I could go to a museum in the morning, if I'm not too tired), work there the 14-16, and take a late flight out on the 16th, so I can get home before Monday.

My schedule's ridiculously busy the next few days (working, reading a ton of stuff for classes, writing a paper, researching candidates so I know who I want to vote for on Tuesday, calling a few people I need to catch up with, going food shopping, hopefully organising a portion of one of my closets...), but I still want to take the time to watch the first SFU Sunday night. I probably shouldn't even say that, since any time I plan something fun these days, something happens so it doesn't work out (like the trip to Governor's Island or relaxing last Sunday night or feeling like crap during all the activities Eytan and I did when he was here), but hopefully this one thing will work out.

I started feeling crappy about 20:30 last night, but I decided against taking a Lorazepam since I wanted to see what half a dose of the Lexapro would do by itself. I took that at 21:00 (actually it was a third of the pill since it was too small to cut, so I bit it and only mananged to get a third, so I just took the other 2/3 tonight- what a way to make the prescription last- not that it's really expensive, with my great health insurance plan), and I felt either okay or not-so-okay on and off for about 1.5 hours (about 10 minutes okay, 10 minutes not okay over and over- that's a new one). Then around 22:30, I started feeling better but tired, and by 23:00, I was completely exhausted and got in bed, but I still couldn't fall asleep until around midnight. Woke up at 7:00, made myself go back to sleep, and slept on and off until 9:00. I guess a third of a dose is a good thing. Hopefully the 2/3 tonight won't be too much and hopefully I can figure out how to do a real half after that.

Didn't feel too great this morning (breathing difficulties), so I took a Lorazepam around 11:30 and started to feel better by 12:30, but I was really tired. Too tired to digest the information of all the reading I was attempting to do.

So I rested until 14:00 (instead of going food shopping- I'll do that after I vote on Tuesday) and then got back to the reading and thinking about how to write the latest paper (which is actually a play- we have to take a Realistic play and rewrite it in the Futuristic Synthetic style, using the "rules" in Marinetti's manifesto- we'll be perfoming them in class as well). Halfway through the reading, my creative juices kicked in, and I came up with a great little play based on LaBute's "The Shape of Things" (complete with cool music: Future Circus- appropriate and interesting). So I wrote that up (one less thing to do on Monday), then did some tech support work and a little consulting as a break from schoolwork, and then got back to reading the rest of the stuff we need to read for Tuesday. On top of that, I got fully caught up on my acting journal and reading (well, I skimmed the reading). Today was an amazingly productive day. I will definitely take the time to watch SFU tomorrow night.

Did a lot of reading on the candidates for the primary election this evening. Not many choices for me, but I'll go vote anyway. The election in November will be more useful.

Got an ocular migraine around 19:00- lasted until 19:45. This one was quite intense! And I still have weak vision now. I'm also having a little trouble breathing.

ConEd was digging up Lex this morning/afternoon, for a change. And someone else was doing some work on 3rd. Drivers were impatient and honking like crazy. One night this week though (can't remember which night- might have been Tuesday), traffic wasn't too bad- so I'm thankful for that.

A little piece of nostalgia for me: Last week when I ordered from Fresh Direct, I saw they added Concord grapes to their inventory. So I got them. I haven't had Concord grapes since we grew them at our old house in Brookeville (so sometime before I was 8)- they're definintely not easy to find. They taste just as I remember- yum.

So I took the 2/3 of the Lexapro at 21:00 and by 22:30, I was exhausted, so I got in bed. As I was trying to fall asleep, there was the honking symphony going on outside, so that wasn't helping me fall asleep. Then, I started hearing emergency vehicles around 23:30. I always hear them from time to time (sometimes 1-2 every 5 minutes, sometimes less often) but these didn't stop, so I got out of bed to see what was going on. And... I counted 135 motorcycle cops plus a few police cars flying by heading west (and obviously there were more than that, since I didn't get out of bed to see what was going on right away). I've never seen anything like that in my life. Clearly something big was going on but of course I couldn't find anything about it this morning. And they're doing more work on my street, blocking the lanes heading west- traffic's been obnoxious most of the day.

So I got to sleep sometime after midnight, woke up a few times in the morning but didn't look at the clock to see what time it was, and then finally got up at 9:00 (I was sure it was later than that). I like the schedule I've been on the past few days, and it would be great if it could continue, but it can't. First, I'm nervous for what happens when I need to stay up later because of too much to do (maybe I'll take the medication at 22:00 instead of 21:00). Then there's the fact that at some point, I'll get used to the medication and it won't make me as tired anymore and I'll go back to a more night-owl pattern. But I'll cross those bridges when I come to it (probably this coming week).

Today from about 12:00-13:00, I had a little trouble breathing, but I decided not to take a Lorazepam and hope it would go away. It did. But then about 30 minutes ago, I started getting that pressure on the left side of my head again, feeling like something's crushing my left eye toward the right one, and the back of my neck hurts a bit too (but I'm not lightheaded, so maybe this is just a headache). So I had to stop reading and thought I'd write here for a few minutes and hope this nonsense goes away soon.

Brian called this afternoon to see when he could come up for a weekend before I move. For some reason I decided to tell him the last weekend in October was okay. That means: the first weekend, Kristin will be here; the second weekend, Neil, Maxine, and Abby will be here; the third weekend I'll be in Toronto; the fourth weekend Neil will be here, and the fifth weekend Brian and Rebecca will be here. And somehow during all of that, I have to work 3 of the weekends (with really long days and no breaks) and deal with schoolwork (papers, projects, rehearsals...). But I'm not letting anyone stay here in November and I'm even contemplating not doing Thanksgiving. Neil, Maxine, and Abby can go to Maine or maybe they can do Thanksgiving and Paula and Harvey can go down there. I'll just skip Thanksgiving this year and Neil and Maxine will have to accept that (especially since at least Neil will be up the following weekend for work- I don't think Maxine and Abby will be coming that weekend). I may skip Christmas too, and if not, hopefully I can skip Abby's birthday. Not that I want to, but I'll have too much going on with packing and moving. And as for buying presents? I'd love to skip that this year too. Not sure if I can get away with that though. Would people mind $20 gift certificates to Barnes and Noble or something? Since not only do I not have time to deal with figuring out what people want and then trying to find those things, I won't have a lot of money to spend.

Well, I'm still feeling like crap. Maybe if I rest for a little while longer, I'll be able to get back to being productive for a few more hours this evening (and hopefully I can still find the time to watch the first SFU at 20:00). I sure hope so, since even though I got a lot done yesterday, there's still a lot to do (although this is nothing compared to what October will be).

I didn't wind up feeling better yesterday, so I decided to use the time to watch the first 2 episodes of SFU. So much for productivity, but I did try to enjoy the shows- kind of difficult through the massive headache, but I managed on and off. Anyone notice they added an extra measure near the end of the theme music?

I did better taking half a pill last night. It just tastes disgusting biting it. So since I still had a headache, I took the pill at 21:00, talked to Andy for 5 minutes at 21:15, and then went to bed. It took a little while to fall asleep (didn't look at the clock, so I don't know what time) and then I woke up at 5:30 wide awake. I made myself go back to sleep, and that took a while (usually it doesn't take more than 15-20 minutes to go back to sleep if I wake up early)- I don't think I fell back to sleep before 7:00, and then I slept until 9:00. That was fun- sleeping and trying to sleep for 12 hours. Can't get in that habit though. I really have too much to do and need more than 12 hour days to keep up with everything.

Today's a day of emergency vehicles. Every few minutes, another one goes by. Maybe some of them are police escorts for all the members here for the UN summit. In fact, maybe that's what the 135+ motorcycle cops were doing the other night (although it seems it was a little early for that, plus, I don't know why anyone would need 135+ escorts, so maybe not).

Okay, back to my busy day.

The emergency vehicles continued all day and night on Monday. I looked out the window for 7 minutes Monday night and saw: 1 NYPD car, 1 NYPD SUV, 2 NYPD vans (at the same time, heading the same direction), 2 FDNY small trucks, and 1 ambulance. And it continues. Today they have 1 lane in each direction on my street devoted to emergency vehicles/police escorts/security (so that leaves 1 lane in each direction for regular traffic). And there are A LOT of them! And traffic is horrendous. One would think all the warnings about gridlock around the UN would convince people not to drive into the city for a couple days, but no. There's as much traffic as usual.

I know I've mentioned this 100 times, but it still really bothers me: obnoxious people everywhere! People weaving on the sidewalks slowly because they're trying to dial a phone number, people stopping and having conversations in doorways and on stairs- blocking everyone else... It makes it twice as long to get around. I had trouble with that the entire day yesterday- all my walking on sidewalks and around Hunter buildings- I got stuck everywhere, waiting for people to decide to move out of the way.

We picked scene partners last Friday, but this older woman who's auditing the class didn't have a partner and for some reason really wanted to work with me (no clue why- I've never spoken to her), so my previous partner wound up working with someone else, and I get this woman. This senile, clueless woman. I had to tell her what we're supposed to be doing 2-3 times. And I still don't think she understands or remembers. We're doing a scene from "The Glass Menagerie" (my choice, because Janet didn't understand how to pick a scene because most plays have more than 2 people in them). Fortunately, there were 2 copies of it at the library, and I showed her how to check out her copy (although I think she left it at the library, so who knows if she'll get a chance to read the play before Friday). While we were sitting at the library and I was trying to come up with a scene for us to do, she kept asking me questions about something for a literature class she's taking. They have to pick a poem about New York, and she was asking if a certain poem she had was a good one because even though it didn't mention New York, the poem was about black people and there are a lot of black people in New York. So working with her will be a bit of a nightmare. I'll have to do all the work and then rely on her not to completely screw up the lines when we perform (she told me 3 times how nervous she was about memorising lines and how she didn't think she could do it).

During acting warm ups, we do the "15 seconds" warm up, where we have to do something for 15 seconds. Three times, she's told us to dance with a partner while discussing something political. So far, I've had 3 different partners and so far, not one of the people could discuss the topic (who should be NYC mayor, what do you think of Bloomberg, and discuss the outcome of WWI). Each person said something like, "I have no idea about this. How was your weekend?" or "I don't know anything about politics, where are you from?" It seems to strange to me that Hunter students don't know or care anything about political situations. The majority of students are 1st or 2nd generation Americans, so they should at least be interested in immigration policies. The majority don't have much money, so they should at least be interested in the changing economy, including tuition increases... Oh, and the 3 different dances she asked us to do (salsa, swing, and waltz) my 3 partners had no clue how to do those either.

Tried to stay up late last night, but as I took a Lexapro at 21:30, by 23:00, I was exhausted and by 23:30, I was so exhausted my brain didn't work anymore. So I got in bed and fell asleep by midnight. Woke up early, went back to sleep 100 times, was sure it was later than it was... Guess this is my latest pattern. Wonder how long it will last?

Primary election: was hoping for Weiner over Ferrer, but I'd still rather have Ferrer over Bloomberg, so hopefully that will happen in November. Or are New Yorkers really so complacent/clueless to either vote for Bloomberg or not vote at all? And I was hoping for Eva Moskowitz for Manhattan Borough President- I like what she's done as a council member.

Starting on Monday, The Times will be charging to read their op-eds (the only thing left I still like about their paper). Well, forget it. I'm not paying $50/year to read 3-4 op-eds/week. Sorry Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich, I just can't/don't want to justify that. I don't want to give money to a paper that has gone completely downhill.

I have no water today. I called downstairs, and they said they were working on the problem, but they didn't know how long it would take to get fixed.

Everyone's in London for the show this week. Wish I could be there.

Random comment: I'm trying to figure out why Real Time with Bill Maher is a live show. Bill seems to hate when the audience interrupts him by clapping or cheering; why don't they just get rid of the audience?

Another 8 hours of sleep Wednesday night. This is fun. I just hope I can handle less than that in October and still function.

Still had the cones on my street for emergency vehicles yesterday. And there were emergency vehicles every few minutes. And still a ton of traffic. Why don't they leave their cars at home at times like this?

Yesterday I worked, ran some errands, had class, and then went over to Makor for the Dagmar show. The UWS is so much more quiet and less crowded than my neighbourhood. It was so nice being able to walk without 100 people blocking the way. And no honking! Although one unpleasant thing: I stepped in a hidden puddle 2 blocks before I got to Makor. The water went up to just below my knee. My left leg was soaking through the whole show (jeans don't dry very quickly). The show was good- I liked it even more this time- and Jennifer Choi is so fun to watch. And I noticed some songs sound a bit like Primus with Lene Lovich as the lead singer. I went to the bathroom an hour before the show and then right before the show. That should have been enough, but no- 5 minutes into it, I had to pee again. There was no good way of leaving unobtrusively, so I waited the entire 1.5 hours... and danced in my seat a lot. There weren't many people at the show (maybe about 10- I hope more people showed up for the late show)- we were a good crowd though, and a good, small crowd is always better than a bigger, dead one.

Came home to a lot of work last night. Was too tired to do most of it, and then I had to go to class early this morning. So that left a lot of work for this afternoon and will be trying to work late tonight. It all has to be finished by tomorrow morning. I probably shouldn't have gone to the show last night, but I wanted to do at least 1 fun thing here in the next few months, and this seemed to be a better time than most other times in the near future, and I like these guys and really wanted to see them. I'm glad I did, but I'm paying for it now.

Traffic continues to be a complete mess today! And emergency vehicles are coming and going nonstop. Literally. It's really been awful, especially with all the honking on top of it. There's not even a minute of quiet at any time. Fortunately, this is the last day of the UN stuff, and it'll go back to the usual obnoxious traffic, but at least there are always a few minutes of quiet even on the worst traffic days.

I got a bit faint taking a shower today. That was scary, so I stopped the shower and got out. Felt better after that.

Difficult morning on my walk to Hunter:
- I watched some of the cops trying to direct traffic just shake their heads and give up. We had to walk through moving traffic to cross streets- a bit scary, but fortunately, I didn't see any casualties.
- Someone dropped a lit cigarette from a window that landed on my arm. Ouch. Funny, my building just sent one of their many memos this morning that warned against throwing cigarettes out windows.
- One of the flyer people on Lex (the ones that wear the big cardboard signs advertising whatever they happen to be advertising- I think this one was a nail salon) backed up into me, and I was pinned between the cardboard sign and a building. I yelled at him, but traffic was so loud, he didn't hear me at first. Ouch!

But I made it eventually, and my secret bathroom was still open. I found it a few years ago, but it didn't used to be open all the time. Recently, it has been. It's not the most convenient location (which explains why not many people use it), but if I get to school early enough, I can go before class. I like it because many people don't know about it so it's a little cleaner than most. Plus, it's slightly bigger than most as well. Unlike the 5th floor bathrooms that I have to use in the middle of classes. They are so small (seriously, I don't know how large people fit in these things), when the automatic flusher goes off, I get sprayed (it's a pretty powerful flush)- disgusting. And there's no way to avoid it- I can't get out before the flush, and the stall is so small, you can't move out of the way. So at least one of my many bathroom experiences at Hunter isn't awful. I miss my pre-anxiety days when I almost never needed public restrooms.

My scene partner, Janet, is still a moron. She keeps asking me the same questions over and over- it's really driving me crazy. She has no clue what we're supposed to be doing, which makes this twice as difficult for me, since I have to do my own work, plus help her with hers. It will be interesting to see how our improv performance goes on Tuesday. I'm not hopeful. She wanted to rehearse it but didn't think she could memorise what we were going to say (um, this is an improv- I told her than several times and the instructor went over what we were supposed to do in class twice). She also asked me why she had to read the whole play- she didn't think she could read the whole thing. Oh, and she did leave the play at the library the other day, but she happened to have a copy of it in another book, so she did look at our scene between Tuesday and today. She thought they were different though. She showed me what was different, and it was a heading for the scene. She thought that was part of the dialogue. She didn't understand the difference between dialogue, stage directions, and scene titles. We talked today for an hour, and she must have asked me about 30 questions. And she doesn't wait for one answer before asking a completely different question (no wonder she asks the same questions over and over). So I'm working with a scattered, clueless, senile woman.

Random comment: I wonder what the percentage is of people that pay for storage units.

September 17 19:30
Listening to: Swoon 23- "Famous Swan Song"
Site of the Day: World History Blog
Interesting News Story of the Day: Deadlocked North Korea talks to resume Sunday
Farm Aid expenses eat away donations
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Slept about 6.5 hours last night, and I felt fine until about 15 minutes ago (I'm really exhausted now). The reason I didn't sleep more? JACKHAMMERING!!! Starting extremely early in the morning. Yes, there is jackhammering in the afternoons/evenings once in a blue moon, but in the morning, it's almost a given. Every weekend morning there's jackhammering. Do they do it to be obnoxious? Or do they not do it weekday mornings because they don't want to disturb the business people? And why is it every single weekend? When will they be finished doing whatever they're doing?

And there are still a ton of emergency vehicles today, including police blocking my intersection from time to time. I guess it's still extra security from the remnants of UN stuff. I hope it calms down next week, although there have been a high number of emergency vehicles even before the UN stuff. Some of them might have to do with extra "terrorism" security, but many are fire trucks and ambulances, so maybe there are just more emergencies in general in recent times.

Today was a do-a-ton-of-stuff-for-school day. I did some of the surrealism reading for avant-garde and thought a little about the paper- this one's intense: When reading the Surrealist Manifesto, pay particular attention to the technique of automatic writing developed by Breton and Soupault; pay attention also to the Surrealist fascination with new forms of media�film, sound recording, and telegraphic communication�seen in "Wedding". For your response, think about how to perform an automatic writing project not with pen and paper, but with the new media seen in "Eiffel Tower". How would you proceed with such a project, what would be your expected outcome, and through what venue could you share your results? Intense and complex but interesting- I still really like this class. Then I spent the rest of the time dealing with acting nonsense (reading "The Glass Menagerie", thinking about my goals and tactics for the improv and writing up the story and plot structure analysis assignment). So that was 10 hours of nonstop work- I seriously needed a break. I'll get back to more of the acting stuff tomorrow and the rest of the avant-garde reading I'll have to wait until Tuesday to do since I need to read a few things on reserve at the library (have I mentioned recently about wishing the library had better hours?) and then I'll write the paper on Tuesday night/Wednesday. Tomorrow I'll also catch back up with my theatre journal (I just caught up late this week and now I'm behind again- these are too obnoxious on top of all the other work), clean, work, deal with the mail, and hopefully watch SFU.

I also spent 30 minutes today organising and reorganising and reorganising my schedule for next week. No matter how I organised, it's really jam-packed. No way around it. And it gets worse from here.

A deli in my neighbourhood closed recently. I've never seen a corner deli close. I've seen them close briefly for renovations, I've seen them change hands, but I've never seen them close. Wonder what will happen with the space? I hope it's not another Subway or Dunkin Donuts (6-8 of each within a few blocks is more than enough), but I won't be surprised if it is.

I found another regular brand's product I like: Thomas' Whole Wheat Pita. They're nutritious and taste good. It does have guar gum (what product doesn't these days? I hate it), but at least it's the last ingredient listed and it's only guar gum, not guar gum and carrageenan and xanthan gum and locust bean gum and... So I've been making toasted cheese sandwiches. I think I'll get some more next week and get some hummus to go with it.

Today feels like a Sunday.

September 19 17:30
Listening to: James- "Stutter"
Site of the Day: The Public Picture
Interesting News Story of the Day: Message: I Care About the Black Folks (well written! I'm gonna miss Frank Rich)
Frustrated: Fire crews to hand out fliers for FEMA
The return of reefer madness
D.A.R.E.: THE NEVER-ENDING FOLLY
Zero Tolerance Makes Zero Sense
RANDOM STUDENT DRUG TESTING BACKFIRES
Florida Residents Evacuate As Rita Nears Hurricane Strength
One dead after garbage truck falls from highway onto rail car
Partial Power Outage At The U.N.
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I stayed up Saturday night to take a Lexapro at 21:30 and then got in bed. Unfortunately, that's when traffic picked up. The honking and constant emergency vehicles woke me up. I tried to fall asleep for 1.5 hours and then got up. Got back in bed around midnight and fell asleep before 1:00. Then I woke up on and off a million times in the morning and finally got out of bed at 10:00 feeling tired and dizzy and had cramps. Had busy dreams Saturday night too.

World leaders were definitely still here yesterday. I tried to take the bus down 2nd, but it was rerouted down Lex around the UN. And the traffic on Lex was horrendous! It took forever to get past midtown with all the blockades and the amount of traffic. I was going to have brunch and do some school reading at a pleasant place (Sunburst) rather than anywhere in my neighbourhood, but the place was packed- no room for me. So I went to some Chinese teahouse instead. Not what I wanted, but I was tired of walking around with my heavy bag. Then I decided to walk over to Union Square to take the subway home, and there was some subway confusion. Which trains were running? The signs all said different things (this guy has pictures to prove it). I just waited with everyone else in hopes a train (preferably the one I needed) would show up. It did; it just took forever. And then when it did finally show up, I got in an unairconditioned car- very, very hot and stuffy. And then I got to my stop, and the escalator wasn't working, so I had the walk up from hell to end up my journey. This is why I don't like to go out a lot- I have such bad luck with everything.

Traffic was awful after I got home yesterday afternoon and continued to be awful all night. Some of the cops trying to direct traffic are useless and even the ones that do their best can't do anything about the amount of cars trying to get through- there's often nothing they can do other than stop them from moving. And people don't like being stopped from moving- that just makes them honk even more. It was really bad yesterday. I was tired around 22:00, so I got in bed. The police chose that moment to block traffic from heading up 3rd. That caused some MAJOR honking. At 22:15, they unblocked the intersection and I got back in bed. At 22:30, they blocked the intersection again heading east. A slew of emergency vehicles headed east and stopped between here and 2nd (can't see out my window past 3rd, so I don't know what was going on, but I heard police making announcements on a megaphone- couldn't understand them though). So that caused more traffic problems. I wonder what was going on? Of course they never have articles about this stuff. I got back in bed around 23:00 (traffic was still crazy) and didn't fall asleep until after 1:00 (I don't think the medication is working as a sleeping pill anymore). Woke up at 7:00 (in pain- bad cramps), tried to go back to sleep for 2 hours, then slept from about 9:00 until 10:30.

Honking and emergency vehicles are back to normal today (meaning obnoxious but not to the point it was during the UN stuff).

Watched more SFU last night. The good thing about watching it on tape is I can pause it during my many pee breaks. Have I mentioned my frustration with the need for so many pee breaks every day? I don't know what I'm going to do during all the acting classes when we're watching people's scenes. It'll be hard to leave in the middle of those without major disruptions. Maybe I'll sit by the door and go right after a scene ends and get back before the next one begins- I won't be able to miss anything since we have to write critiques for all of them. Although, I will be missing one day when I'm in Toronto, but we're allowed to miss one class. Just not more than one or our grade gets lowered by a letter. I just have to hope no emergencies come up on a Tuesday or Friday so I won't miss more than one class. So obnoxious.

Was dizzy on and off today (and congested as well). I hope this medication kicks in soon. It's supposed to take up to 4 weeks, so I guess I can expect to wait another 2+ weeks. I just hope it does something after that. I don't want to have to try another medication and then wait another 4 weeks to see if that one works.

Busy day with work, finances, cleaning, and school stuff. Tomorrow will be even busier. Really not looking forward to tomorrow (especially our improv scene).

September 24 15:30
Listening to: "I Shot Andy Warhol Soundtrack"
Site of the Day: Hop Stop (your city transit guide)
Interesting News Story of the Day: FEMA Sends Trucks Full Of Ice For Katrina Victims To Maine
Offer of buses fell between the cracks
Rita rips through, bringing floods and fires
As Test Scores Jump, Raleigh Credits Integration by Income
HEI Hospitality Acquires New York's Historic Algonquin Hotel (there goes another one)
Craving Hyphenated Chinese
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About the first article: Oh, of course, the trucks are being held in Maine- so close to Louisiana. That makes so much sense. I mean, if they were being held in Alaska, or even Idaho, I'd really question it. But seriously though, why Maine?

Slept from about midnight until 7:00 on Tuesday and had a good health day until about 17:30, when I was walking home. I made it as far as 65th, and then I started feeling faint. So I walked really slowly the rest of the way home. I think it was the heat and humidity and the fact that I was extra hot because I was wearing my boots. So rather than go to the bank after class like I was planning, I just went straight home. I wasn't feeling any better after an hour, so I took a Lorazepam.

More interesting dreams Tuesday night. I was on a plane from the 50s- plenty of room and the plane wasn't full. We started to taxi, and I asked the flight attendant if we were going to other terminals to pick up more people or just take off. She said we were going to take off. But we didn't. I thought we did, but we didn't. We kept driving around. We were driving around the town. At one point, the pilot stopped and asked if anyone wanted to get out and get a bite to eat. Then I thought we took off, but we didn't. Then we were going to take off, but the sky turned grey. I looked up, and it did look very dark. Then I realised we were under a car garage and we were looking at the dark ceiling. The flight attendant thought it was the sky too until I pointed the ceiling out to her. But the sky actually was dark in some spots. Then more time passed and I thought we took off, so I got out my suitcase. The flight attendant told me I had to put away my suitcase until takeoff. That's when I realised we were still on the ground. I was going to be late for wherever I was going (I think it was Switzerland or maybe somewhere else in central Europe). Oh earlier, the flight attendant told me I should go sailing down the Ganges. Said that was a beautiful thing to do. I don't remember the flight (perhaps it wasn't in my dream), but I did get to somewhere. I think it was partially Europe and partially Baltimore, because I was walking down a street and Sudbrook was around the corner. I went there and saw Michi and Michelle and Alix and Jen. We were all going to take a class from Laura (at our current ages, I have people from my past in dreams but I'm always my current self). I was worried about putting my hair up. My hair was on a wig stand, and I was trying to put it in a pony-tail. It looked awful. Alix asked me why I wasn't putting it in a bun. I said I forgot that's what I was supposed to do. But I didn't have any bobbypins. So I went with Alix who was going to get some for me in her bathroom (it looked just like her old house). I was also worried about taking this class since I haven't danced in so many years. Then the dream jumped to Paula and Harvey's Cockeysville house. I was there telling Harvey about my interesting flight. Then I woke up.

Our improv scene went horribly. And I'm not being overly critical. It was really awful. Janet kept trying to use exactly what was in the script, and Laura kept stopping us and asked Janet to use her own words. Then she had us speak in numbers instead of words to get away from using Williams' words. We did that a few times. Every time Laura told Janet to do something, Janet asked her to repeat it a few times- she just didn't get it. And I didn't know what to do, especially since my character is the opposite of aggressive- she doesn't instigate anything, so I wasn't sure how to take any initiative with the scene. Very difficult woman to work with. Everyone else's scenes went well. I really hate this class, and it's certainly doing nothing to make me like acting again. I already didn't enjoy anything about acting before this class, and now I truly despise it. The whole concept. Too busy to write anymore about why- maybe another day.

I decided on "Ladies of the Corridor" for one of the shows I need to see for acting. And Kristin wants to see it too, so we'll go to the Saturday matinee the weekend she's here. I hope I can enjoy the production while doing all the analysis I'll have to be doing.

I was going to work on my surrealism paper Tuesday night, but I figured I could do a better job when I was less rushed on Wednesday. So instead, Tuesday night I did some work and caught up on some email and sort of watched Bill Maher while doing those things. Other than SFU, I haven't watched a show or movie without doing anything else at the same time in months.

Wednesday was a beautiful, warm day, so I decided to do a Circle Line boat while being productive on school things. I read avant-garde stuff while waiting in line to get on the boat and worked on the surrealism paper on the boat in between taking 150 pictures (more pictures I don't have time to deal with).

After the boat, I walked over to Times Square and got a ticket for "Sweeney" because even though I don't like Patti Lupone, it's still my favourite musical and I'm determined to make time to see it. So I picked the only day I can really make it- Oct. 25. And that's the only money I'm spending on myself (at least there was a discount code) until well after the move (other than going out to dinner with Kristin when she's here next weekend and the cost of the rental car in Halifax).

Speaking of moving, my future's looking more solidified. Now the main problems are financial and logistical.

I had a few interruptions while trying to deal with school stuff Wednesday night. First, I took a few minutes to catch up with Josh in between trying to work on the school stuff. Then Andy called to tell me to watch the footage of a Jet Blue plane landing at LAX with messed up landing gear (it landed safely). Then I got back to my school stuff and the fire alarm went off in my building and I had to leave for a little while (everything was fine- I'm not sure what happened- maybe a kitchen fire or something). But I got my stuff done eventually. In fact, I managed to come up with a good surrealism concept. I came up with a film about a connection between all the driving people do and extreme weather conditions- complete with appropriate music for each shot. Rather cool, if I do say so myself.

I'm amazed I managed to do anything Wednesday night though, since I felt awful. Had a good day, but by evening I was not doing well. I think it was partially from not eating very much and having a little caffeine. I was both faint and dizzy.

Having the caffeine Wednesday afternoon certainly didn't help with falling asleep Wednesday night. I didn't fall asleep until around 4:00. I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm because of obnoxious honking, went back to sleep, and had an extremely vivid dream (too many details to bother writing here- I recorded it on a tape though so I can remember it). It took place in high school but in the present day and had people I hadn't thought about since then. Later, I was a restaurant owner. That's all I'm taking the time to write, but I'll just say that I can't remember the last time I had such details in a dream. I could see the condensation on the water pitcher when I went to fill water glasses, when I set the knives on the tables, there were both butter knives and steak knives... Very detailed.

I got a health insurance statement this week that doesn't make sense. I've had my current insurance for about 2 years and have been going to the same physician for that time. The only amount I ever needed to pay for visits is my $10 co-payment. Now I got a statement that the "patient responsibility" is $50. And I don't understand the statement breakdown. I'll wait to see if I get a bill from my doctor for that amount before taking the time to deal with this.

I got really tired in the middle of avant-garde class on Thursday. I was so tired, I skipped everything else I was going to do that evening and just came home. Throughout the evening, I felt so dizzy. I was on the couch and felt like I was falling and it looked like things around me were moving. This is getting so old.

So I didn't finish my huge character biography assignment Thursday night (it was due yesterday). I just finished working on it this afternoon, I'll give it to her on Tuesday, and tell her I forgot to give it to her on Friday. Hope I'm able to pull off the lie. Maybe I'll just give it to her without an explanation and just apologise for not giving it to her on Friday. I'll figure it out Tuesday. I wish I was a better liar- it would help in unimportant situations like this.

Not a week goes by where my age isn't a topic of conversation. This week, it was a topic of 4 different conversations. Why do so many people ask me my age? What difference does it make? I can't remember the last time I asked someone how old they were. And then anywhere other than New York, after the age question comes the "are you married" question. People are so predictable.

Another slightly traumatic walk home yesterday- felt extremely faint and had to try to dodge a ton of traffic, construction, and pedestrians while trying to remain conscious. And I felt faint and dizzy all afternoon and evening.

So last week the water didn't work in my apartment without warning. This week, I got a memo telling me that everyone in the "D" apartments will not have water on Oct. 6th & 7th. Appreciate the warning, don't appreciate the 2 days of no water, especially with Neil, Maxine, and Abby here then. But of course my no-water problem is nothing compared to the people who are dealing with hurricanes.

For the past few days, no matter how much sleep I get the night before, it takes me a while to get my eyes to focus in the morning. If my eyes shift too quickly, I get really dizzy. Very uncomfortable feeling. And I've been dizzy on and off all day today. Sometimes I think the dizziness is coming from reading too much, too quickly. Have I mentioned this is getting old?

Con Ed was digging up the intersection at Lex again this morning. And there's more work being done in the intersection at 3rd and then some more just east of 3rd (leaving only a small section of the bus lane for traffic). It's a serious mess of traffic and noise today. I get the feeling it will be like this until I move.

I already took way too long a break this afternoon talking to Andy (it was worth it), and I can't believe I've taken the time now to do this, but again, I think it's worth it. I've piled up some stuff to do tomorrow that I won't get done today, but I think that's probably okay (sort of). I just won't watch SFU tomorrow night and maybe not get as much sleep (hopefully my health can deal with that). And I'll probably be more behind on the acting stuff, but I sort of don't care. It's too much work and if I get a worse grade because of the quality of work and the lateness factor, oh well.

On that note, back to work.

September 25 17:00
Listening to: The Doors- "L.A. Woman"
Site of the Day: The Villager (Voted New York State's Best Community Newspaper)
Interesting News Story of the Day: FEMA efforts under legal, political attack
The Broken Contract
Warsaw
Gaga for Dada
BRIDGING THE POLITICAL DIVIDE
US lawmaker's bill would block Wal-Mart's bank bid (I hope this one passes)
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I think I'm gaining some weight- maybe from the medication. I haven't changed my eating habits although I am getting slightly less exercise because of my dizzy/faint issues.

Speaking of my issues, I had the major-pressure-on-my-head-and-feeling-dizzy thing going on last night and this morning. Being this dizzy makes it very difficult to do all the reading I need to be doing. I'm going to talk to my doctor about it again when I call him in 2 weeks for the update on the medication discussion.

Traffic was absolutely horrendous last night from about 23:00-3:00 (fell asleep sometime after 3:00)- I couldn't fall asleep through the extreme honking. It was really, really awful.

Paula and Harvey are having technology (phones and cable modem) issues and Paula's having health issues (cold last week and her usual stomach problems this week). When can we have issue-free weeks or even days? Ever?

A bit about why I don't like acting (this mainly applies to realism):
- It's fake. Acting takes small things and blows them way out of proportion for the sake of drama. And that's called realism.
- Acting forces people to have emotions they might not normally have (both the actor and the audience). Everything has to have strong emotion attached to it for it to be considered "real".
- Acting requires obsession with the self. You have to always be aware of yourself- your breathing, walking, talking, gestures... You lose the real connection of yourself and the world around you.
- Actors take themselves way too seriously. They take the high drama of the theatre and apply it to their real lives.
And why do I not like participating in acting? Because I don't ever feel strong emotions, so I have trouble applying them to a scene. I never feel anything's important enough to have such strong emotions. I remember after September 11th, feeling guilty that I didn't care more or feel more about the situation. If I can't feel strongly about something like that, chances are I won't feel strongly about any particular scene I have to act in.

Rant of the day: over-legislation. We get bans coming from things the biggest idiots are doing. We have to make sure nothing like what they do will ever happen again, so we ban things to stop something that has a slim chance of happening again from happening. But idiots will always find more stupid things to do. So then those things get banned. If we keep legislating and banning everything, pretty soon, nothing will be allowed. So much for freedom.

September 28 17:30
Listening to: Jethro Tull- "Songs from the Wood"
Site of the Day: The New Rules Project (Designing Rules as if Community Matters)
Interesting News Story of the Day: England Convicted in Abu Ghraib Abuse Case
Brown Shifts Blame for Katrina Response
Sheehan arrested at protest
Delay indicted in campaign finance probe
Supreme Court agrees to hear Anna Nicole Smith case
�Swimming� to Easthampton
State ready for medicinal marijuana
Chopped Liver and Chilies on Avenue A
Off-duty cop under fire for accident
Truck Accident Snarls Traffic for Thousands
Out of Control Car Plows Into a Group of People
For Kayakers, Boathouse Offers Free Boats, Great Views
Radio City musicians authorize strike
Bra check spurs former nursing home worker to sue
Prom Canceled Amid Allegations of Sex, Drinking and Drugs (so they can skip the prom and go right for the other stuff- stupid)
An Acela Train Collides With a Car
FREELOADING WAL-MART PUT ON NOTICE
LETTERS TO THE FDIC OPPOSING THE BANK OF WAL-MART KEEP COMING IN
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Traffic was quiet Sunday night! But not Monday morning- the honking and emergency vehicles woke me up. But I woke up without health issues and didn't have any health issues all day! What an amazing feeling! I took advantage of the good health and worked out in the afternoon (couldn't really afford the time, but it was worth it). I've had a good health day today as well and worked out again this afternoon. I like this routine and hope I can have more good health days to continue it.

Rebecca from Barrie was in my dream Sunday night. Don't remember much other than that it was in the present day at her house and backyard and I was asking her a lot of questions about things I remembered from our childhood, like the name of her next-door neighbour (she told me it was Hilary, but that doesn't sound right- don't remember what it really was though- it might have been Holly). Other than for a few hours in '93 when she was with other friends and we couldn't talk a lot, I haven't seen or heard from her since around '85. I wonder where she wound up. The other part of my dream was really strange. I was on a reality show and the host from Survivor was the host for whatever show I was on. We were in a cabin at a camp site, or something like that. I was about to win something (either the whole show or just a prize, not sure which), but the point of our task was to collect as much pot as we could. We could steal one another's stash, so the point was to hide it well. We were all hiding it in our suitcases. My suitcase wound up in a large walk-in closet with a dirty bathroom, so I was trying to hide stuff in the bathroom, where I didn't think anyone would want to go in. In the process of this task, there was a party in a nearby house we were trying to get ready to go to. There were more details, but I can't remember those.

Monday I looked into the car situation some more and decided that my best option is to lease a Civic Hybrid (although I do have a car-sharing option that probably will work- I'll look into that more soon). Looking forward to that, sort of. I mean, as long as I need a car, I'd look forward to owning a hybrid and to giving them one more sale. My next goal is to write to my congresspeople to tell them to push for incentives for auto makers for hybrids rather than to give the tax break to the consumer. Auto makers need to be able to make them better and less expensive for the consumers and the government should be helping with that. I know they're stuck in the "we need oil" mode, but maybe if there's enough of a push, they'll have to start looking into alternatives. And maybe in about 20 years, we'll be able to have hydrogen fuel cell vehicles.

Yesterday was not a good health day. I almost fainted while watching people's scenes in acting class. I felt like I was falling. Scary. I took a Lorazepam and felt mostly better, but then during avant-garde I had to pee. I decided to wait for a good moment (didn't want to walk out while he was explaining how to do our projects), and then I got faint again. Such a hassle, this anxiety nonsense.

And you shouldn't get injured in this acting class, but I did yesterday. The room fits 12 comfortably, 18 with a bit of a squeeze. We have 24, and there's just not enough room. So while we were doing our frog stands, I bumped knees with the guy next to me, and fell flat on my face, hit both knees, and my chest (it was either that or land directly on my head, so I quickly shifted so that wouldn't happen). Not fun.

Last night I had a lot of work and I dealt with some more pictures as little breaks (still have a ton to deal with). Fortunately, I had no health issues during that time, so I was able to get things done without pain.

Today I've had to take pee breaks every 30 minutes. Absolutely annoying.

But I did get a lot done today. I wrote my expressionism paper for avant-garde (another complex one) and did the subtext for my character for acting. Tonight is another work night. I wonder if I'll be able to take a day off in November. Probably not. Even if I can find a day where I don't have to do anything for work or classes, I'll probably use it to figure out how to find a mover. If anyone has any mover suggestions, please let me know.

Today has been a heavy traffic with lots of emergency vehicles day. So diffficult to work through all the honking and sirens.

I got the bill from my doctor for the $50. I'm thinking of just paying it rather than taking the time to argue with someone at my insurance company (if it was for more than $100, I'd definitely argue). Not sure yet- I'll decide sometime in the near future.

I wish I could take the time/money to go see Philip Glass next week at BAM. His "Orion" sounds really interesting!

September 30 20:00
Listening to: "Magnolia Soundtrack"
Site of the Day: Over the Moon Gallery
Interesting News Story of the Day: Fight over synthetic ingredients splits organics community
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Part of my dream Wednesday night: I was in my bedroom of our old house in Cockeysville. I was talking to Harvey about finding something in my closet. He told me where it was, but it wasn't there. In fact, the closet looked completely different than it used to- there were 2 closets instead of 1. There were several things in the room that looked different than it used to. In the dream, I thought it was because I just forgot that certain things were there (like a door to the outside hidden by a bookshelf- impossible in reality, since my room was on the 2nd floor). I looked in that cabinet bookshelf and found my old encyclopedias (in reality, they were lost). That's all I remember.

Woke up yesterday morning with clogged ears and some mild congestion. As the day went on, the congestion got worse. By late afternoon, I had a major sinus headache and my ears felt like they were going to explode. I took a Claritin when I got home (went right home rather than my original evening plans of research), but of course that did absolutely nothing. I felt worse and worse until around 22:00, when the humidity went away. That's when my congestion went away. I hate having my life dictated by the weather. At least we're heading into fall and winter, so that should help.

I'm so tired of writing about health issues all the time. I'm not even writing about a couple minor issues I have.

Got to see a reading at Hunter yesterday of "Gizmo Love" with some famous people (including someone from The Sopranos and someone who was in "The Usual Suspects"- I'm so bad at recognising and remembering celebrities). It was during avant-garde class- we asked the instructor if we could go, and he agreed (good thing, the 10 of us made up over half the audience- I'm really surprised there weren't more people). The reading was really good, but my congestion and headache kept me from really enjoying it. Oh, and I sat in the middle of the row, keeping me from taking a pee break when I needed one- that also made the reading difficult to enjoy.

Big things going on with work-related stuff. Wish I could write about it here.

My scene partner wasn't in class again today for going over groundplans and scoring the script (something she probably wouldn't have understood during the fast-paced lecture, so I'll have to explain it to her 4-5 times anyway). We have to have those things done by next class, so I've been trying to call her to find a time we can work on this (my only day to do that is Sunday, so hopefully she'll be available sometime on Sunday), but she's not answering her phone and she doesn't have an answering machine. I'll keep trying, but this is obnoxious. If she never answers the phone, guess I'll be doing all this myself too.

Laura postponed our next performances by a week, so now the first day of performances (the day I'm supposed to perform) is the day I'll be in Toronto. I discussed this with her today, and she said I could switch with someone and perform on the 2nd day, which is the day after I get back from Toronto. So somehow I'll have to perform after a week of being away, which means no rehearsal time that week. Which would be fine for me (as long as we can rehearse a few times the previous week), but I have a feeling that will NOT be fine for Janet, who needs all the help she can get. But I guess we won't have a choice. That's why I originally signed up to go on the 7th, so we could get it done with and I wouldn't have to worry about it while I was in Canada. Maybe I can see if I can switch with someone going on the 3rd day. I doubt anyone would want to switch, but I'll at least try. I'll look into that on Friday, I guess.

I've had decent luck today. Buses showed up a few minutes after I got to the stops, the library had what I needed and I finished up there more quickly than I originally planned, the weather was wonderful, and I didn't had any health problems (other than some minor headache problems this morning).

I'm also having an "I'm sharp" day. I had some interesting discoveries when working on my scene research at the library (things that I might not have noticed or thought of on an "I'm not so sharp" day), and I watched Jeopardy this evening and knew the answers to the majority of the questions (including many that none of the contestants knew).

An amazing day. I guess I get one of these 2-3 times a year.

Although I'm not feeling good now- tired and a bit dizzy. Oh well, guess I can't expect more than 12 hours of feeling good.

A message to delivery people in NYC or to restaurants that hire delivery people (I should take the time to write to the media to do a story on it or something). Delivery people need to:
a. Have ID so they can be admitted into buildings
b. carry enough change
c. understand how to give a receipt
d. know enough English to answer simple questions (like, "May I have the receipt?")
I don't order delivery too often (about twice a month), but every time I do, I have some sort of problem with the delivery person.

This isn't going to come out very funny in print, but I wanted to type it just so I could remember. I was talking to Harvey this evening, and I brought up his annoying habit of freaking out when he answers the phone and finds a family member on the other end of the line (Neil and Jay have had this problem with him too). He said he goes into a panic and tries to sound flustered and busy because otherwise the person on the other end might start... talking. His tone and timing when he told me this tonight cracked me up. He made talking sound like some disaster, like "the person on the other end might start shooting" or even "the person on the other end might start screaming" or something. They might start talking. The horror.

Time to do a little work before Kristin gets here (she'll be here around midnight).

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