September

Okay, I finally have time to write about the past few BUSY days.

Wednesday I had a rainy drive down to Baltimore, although the rain wasn't too heavy until I reached the Maryland line. I got a room at the Sheraton but only because my room was already paid for (since I reserved on Expedia- I'll have to try that more often). Then I had a quick dinner at TGI Fridays because I could walk there and I didn't feel like driving anymore. I hate that place. I would have prefered a nicer place for dinner, but convenience won out.

Of course when I got back to the hotel, I discovered the loud people in the room next to me. I really think that hotels should have a quiet floor, and I'm going to see if I have time to write to Hilton (my favourite mid-scale hotel chain) about that. I got almost no sleep because of the noise the people in the room next to me were making. I did call the front desk a few times but that only helped for a few minutes before the noise returned.

Thursday was a long day! Nothing too eventful though. I had a few drinks (crappy drinks since they have a lousy selection) at the hotel bar that night and got to talk to some morons there- construction workers doing work on the hotel pool. It turned out that they were the loud people in the room next to me.

Friday was another long day with noise at the hotel at night. That night they were watching some porn that was louder than a Kiss concert. Security told them to quiet down and I think they did eventually. But construction workers are up early so it got noisy again around 4:30. It doesn't help that the walls are super thin. I was walking into the bathroom one morning and jumped at the sound of the person in the room next to me turning on their shower. It was really loud and it scared me. Oh, and I had a drink at the hotel bar Friday night. There was a guy from Baltimore who came to the bar because he was lonely and figured it would be easy to meet someone there because travellers are more likely to be alone, like me. He was rather annoying but did do one funny thing. The bartender left for a small amount of time and in that time, a man came to have a drink at the bar. The annoying guy told this man that Friday nights were self serve and he should just go behind the bar to make a drink. After a little convincing, the man actually went behind the bar and got a glass, but then someone from the hotel came over and told him to take a seat and the bartender would be back soon. I guess it's kind of a you-had-to-be-there story, but it was quite amusing.

Saturday was an extremely long day- 8:00 AM to midnight. And of course Thursday through Saturday was filled with super irritating people. After the long day, I went to have a few drinks at the hotel bar. They were closed so I wound up at TGI Fridays. Yuck! Fridays on a Saturday night was NOT FUN! But I tried my best to ignore everyone and just enjoy my crappy drinks.

When I got back to the hotel, both of my ears clogged up so I was able to block out the noise in the other rooms.

Sunday I woke up really late!!! I finally got sleep!!!! I called Paula to tell her I was leaving and she told me that Aunt Barbara passed away the night before and the funeral was on Monday. So I called Marcell to see what she was doing, and she said she was taking the train down Monday morning and hoped she could get a ride back with me. So I stayed in Baltimore on Sunday. I made a reservation for one more night at the hotel and called Avis to extend my rental and then hung out at Paula and Harvey's for a bit and had dinner there as well. Then I went back to the hotel and watched Sex and the City and "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" (it was okay- it was the only movie that I hadn't seen already and wasn't completely awful).

Monday morning I looked at a map to figure out how to get to the cemetary and made it there with no problem. The service was at the cemetary and not a funeral home since they wanted to have something small and since most people go to the service at a funeral home and then skip the cemetary, they figured not many people would come. This plan didn't work. I think around 100 people showed up and it was extremely hard to hear what was being said. I got to see a bunch of family members I've never met and probably won't see again until the next funeral. I didn't even get to meet these people this time. I just asked Neil and Paula who they were, I was never introduced to any of them and they seemed uninterested in knowing who I was. Oh well, I don't really need to know these people, I guess. I just wonder what they're all about. Who are these people that are related to me? What are they like? What do they do? Where do they live? Anyway, after the funeral, many of us went back to Uncle Smitty's. Paula told me where it was but got the cross street wrong, so I drove up and down Park Heights Ave trying to find the correct apartment building. I finally found a parking lot with cars I recognised but then realised that I didn't know Uncle Smitty's last name (or first name, for that matter- I'm sure "Smitty" is not the name on the apartment). I rang the buzzer of the building and the sercurity woman answered. I told her I didn't know the name or the apartment number and asked if there were a bunch of people in the lobby or something. Fortunately she knew the person I was looking for, told me the apartment number, and buzzed me in. I stayed there for about an hour, talked to some people for about a minute each- Kim, Dana, Marty (Kim's husband), Mark, Joan, Steve, Smitty, Neil, Jay- and then Marcell and I left.

I was picturing horrible traffic driving back to the city on Labour Day, but it turned out that there was virtually no traffic at all. Strange. I know it rained a lot of the weekend but that doesn't always stop people from going to the beach or at least visiting family members. So we made it back in a little over 4 hours (she had to stop a few times). I gave her a ride home, dropped off the car, got back to my apartment, and was exhausted.

Yesterday was school. The Urban Structures class seems interesting but A LOT of work, Children's Lit seemed ridiculous and A LOT of work, Theatre Production seems interesting and again, A LOT of work. I decided to drop the English class and signed up for Music Industry instead. I've been trying to get in touch with the instructor to see if I can get a syllabus before next Tuesday (the next class) so I'm not too far behind but have been unsuccessful. I sent him an email but his quota has been exceeded, I called his office but it just keeps ringing and there's no voice mail or answering machine, I sent an email to the department secretary (there is no phone number listed for her) to see if she can pass on the message but so far I haven't heard anything. I'm hoping the class won't be too much work and I'm not too far behind. I'll go to the class on Tuesday and if the workload looks ridiculous, I'll just drop it and only take 2 classes this semester and work with the extra time I have. I already have a research job which I'll start tomorrow and I told Paula I should be able to help with the next deadline since I have a stretch of time off in the middle of September so I can afford the time to go down to Balitmore then.

Tomorrow before heading over to the PF, I'll go up to school to get the assigned readings for Urban Structures (in addition to the book, we have to read about 50 articles- he put 2 copies on reserve at the library, so I'll have a lot of photocopying to do tomorrow), get a new sticker for my student ID, and see if I can find the instructor for the Music Industry class to see if I can get a syllabus. Then tomorrow night I'll either go through the mail or start to work on my paper for Urban Structures. We have to write about a city we've been to and discuss everything about the place from the buildings to the people and everything in between. This is just our impressions, later we'll have to do research on it and that will be our research paper. We will also have a group project and another paper and tests, but that's another story. At least the instructor seems okay. He looks about 25 (I'm assuming he's slightly older, but maybe not), is pretty goofy, and I'm 90% sure he's gay.

But today is my day off. Finally!!!!!!! So far it hasn't been to interesting but maybe that's the point- that I'm not doing much of anything (although some pot would make the day a little nicer). In about an hour, I plan on watching "Quiz Show".

It's nice that there aren't any classes on Friday; that will give me more time for work and maybe getting my life a little organised (paperwork, finances, computer...).

I usually read each day's past entries in my journal but I don't know if I want to read most of last September. I know avoiding it isn't a perfect solution (avoiding September 11th events/references/comments is basically impossible thanks to the media and many people in this country), but I don't think I want to read word-for-word, all those thoughts I had during September and a lot of October. Maybe I can figure out how to skim without catching too many things that I'd really not rather read about right now.

I can't believe it's almost been a year. Again, thanks to the media reminding us of the event every day since then, combined with the fact that time feels like it moves faster than it really does, last September only feels like a few months ago. But no, it's really been almost a year.

And I don't know what the media can do on that day that they haven't done yet. I think all networks will be having all-day speical programming. They've done anniversaries (one month, 2 months, 6 months...), they've done breaking news, they've done personal stories, they've shown memorials, they've broadcasted concerts... What can they do that's new? Showing the footage of that day is not going to be very pleasant, especially since it seems so recent. How many more personal stories can we hear? What can they do for 24 hours? I'm not going to find out. I am not turning on my TV or radio, I am not going to read the newspaper, and I am going to try to avoid most websites (although if I check my email, I'll probably get some kind of SPAM like I've been getting recently, selling 9/11 t-shirts- I find that disturbing).

However, I am not completely avoiding the anniversary. I did manage to get a discounted ticket to Brave New World (the discount code was finally offered through Ticketmaster's website), so on September 9, I will be sitting through some difficult-to-watch material.

I was thinking about why many people in this country don't want to stop talking about what happened that day, and I decided that maybe thinking about horrible things that happened close by but not too close (personally) is easier than thinking about horrible (or moderately horrible) things in their own lives. I don't know. I just wish people would stop talking about it all the time unless it makes sense to the particular conversation they're having. For example, if someone said, "I need to schedule a doctor appointment. I think it's been almost a year. Oh yeah, I was supposed to go on September 11th, but obviously I had to postpone it," that would be fine. But it's these people who constantly bring up that day and want to talk about it like it happened yesterday, that's not fine.

Meanwhile, I'm doing exactly what I don't want to do, think about that day. Of course I'm not really thinking about the actual details, I'm thinking about all the nonsense that is going on related to that day. But still, I'm even sick of thinking about that, so it's time to change the subject.

Oh, but one more thing sort of unrelated. I feel like, in a way, we're going back to the 1950's. The networks are going to have happy, feel-good, American shows on the Fall line-up. People are displaying the American flag everywhere (I had one on my rental car again)- and do they really know why they are displaying the flag? People are starting families at a younger age. And transportation seems to be at a 1950's speed- slow, broken trains and yes, I know air travel wasn't big in the 50's but the speed of air travel (with the mechanical failures, not having enough crew, security searches, etc.) these days is what it would have been in the 50's.

Today was a day of irritations, plus I'm fairly depressed.

I went up to school to do 3 things:
1. print out a mailing slip to go in my package to mail to someone
2. copy the articles for the Urban Structures class
3. get a syllabus for the Music Industry class
Well, I accomplished 1 out of the 3. I managed to print the mailing slip, albeit on a dot matrix printer because the laser printer now costs money and you have to use a card on which you put money and I didn't feel like leaving all my stuff in the computer lab while I went to get a card nor did I feel like shutting the computer down and packing up my stuff while I went to get a card. So I used the crappy dot matrix printer. I'll have to remember to get a card Tuesday morning so I can print out my Urban Structures paper using the laser printer unless I feel like turning in a cheap looking paper (which I might because I either might forget to get a card or I won't want to take the time to get a card). So that was the one thing I did manage to do at that crappy school. Why didn't I accomplish the other two things?

I went to the library to borrow the reserved articles and was told I needed a bar code on my student ID and I couldn't get a bar code without the current sticker on the card. Well, in order to get a current sticker, you have to wait in a long line to get a copy of your bill and if it shows a zero balance, you can wait in line to get a sticker. If it doesn't show a zero balance, you have to go to the bursar's office to pay the rest of the bill and then get back in the long line to get another copy of your bill that will show a zero balance. I didn't have the time needed to do all this, so I just won't read the articles by Tuesday and on Tuesday evening after class, I'll do the get a new sticker, get a bar code, wait in line to get the reserved articles, and copy the articles (and I'll try to remember to get a card for the printer then as well). I'll be at school Tuesday night probably until they close.

And why didn't I get a syllabus? Well, I was pretty persistent but no one was able to help me. I found a woman and asked her where the office of the instructor of the Music Industry was located. I found it and it was locked. His office hours are Tuesday and Friday, so that wasn't much help. I found the woman again and asked if she knew where I could get a syllabus. She took me to the secretary's office and waited to ask her if she had a copy of the syllabus. This woman was so nice, which was especially wonderful after dealing with rude morons and dead ends the rest of the morning. The secretary had syllabi for almost every class except the one I needed. Figures. Oh well, I tried. I'll just go to the class on Tuesday and hope I'm not too behind (and hope the class won't be an overwhelming amount of work).

Then I took the bus to the PF. I forgot about the NFL stuff taking over Times Square until the bus got re-routed because of all the blocked off roads. There were cops EVERYWHERE!! The city looked like it did after September 11th. I eventually made it to the PF and went to the sign in desk in the lobby. The woman at the desk was NASTY!!!! And I still think it's odd that a normal office building, mostly filled with doctors and other professional people, has such tight security. There's always a line to get in the building and then you have to sign in, show ID, and have the person at the desk call the office you're of where you're trying to go.

Anyway, after I did some work, I just came home even though I was either going to get some bread and cheese from Artisanal or pick up a few things from a grocery store. I just didn't to deal with being out in the world anymore.

Part of the reason I might be depressed is that I talked to Paula briefly today. She's always depressed and irritable this time of year and this year is no exception. She's pissed at Sylvia for being her usual uncaring self and rightfully so. Sylvia only wants to feel like her family cares about her and she won't do anything to deserve the caring feelings. She never does anything for any of us. Paula reminded me of how she left the country when Paula's father died rather than be there for her or Harvey. Sylvia didn't want to show up at the funeral by herself and have people wonder where Matt was (Matt wouldn't come since this was shortly after he disowned Harvey). So to avoid this situation, she left the country, that way she wouldn't be able to go to the funeral. So yes, Sylvia is a selfish coward. I just got an email from her and I think I'm going to bring some of this up to see if I'm able to hear her side of the story.

Paula also talked about what family should be- people who are there when you need them. Our family is just not like that. Going to Aunt Barbara's funeral, seeing all those people who are related to me, and knowing so few of them really made this message clear. I just don't have many family members who are close to me (and most of them don't even know how I am). It really makes me want to get married so I can have more options of family members who will care about me and I can care about them and we can be there for each other during good times and bad. I certainly have no possibilities for a partner right now, but I'm hoping that will change one day really soon. Till then, at least I still have Paula, Harvey, Neil, Maxine, and Jay (sort of).

Maybe I wouldn't have this need for family as much if I had some good friends, but I just don't seem to have those. I hear some people talking about having friends since grade school. Wow! I don't even have any friends I still talk to from high school (not that I had many friends in high school). I think it would be amazing to stay in touch with someone for that amount of time. But obviously I can't change the past, so I'll just have to see if I can keep the few friends I currently have. Unfortunately, I'm not really that close to any of them. All of them have their own lives elsewhere and barely remember that I exist. I don't know why I have such trouble holding onto friends.

I might also be a little depressed today because for the past few nights as I'm trying to fall asleep, I'm thinking about Aunt Barbara's funeral. Now, I'm not getting upset about her death (I barely knew her), I'm just getting upset about death in general. I've been doing this a lot in the past year, but maybe it's just more vivid now since I have the image of a coffin going into the ground playing in my head the past few nights. This is just a horrible image. There's something so final about watching a box with the body of someone you know in it go into the ground. It's not rational. I mean, you already are aware of this person's death and the body is just the shell of this person, but seeing this image is just so miserable.

Anyway, I need to get undepressed, or at least stop thinking about these things, for a little while and do something productive. I think I'll just go through the mail. At least that doesn't take much thought.

I'm feeling much better today.

I went through the mail which makes me feel more on top of things. Now I just need to start (and maybe finish, if I'm lucky) my Urban Structures paper.

I sent an email to Hilton guest relations two nights ago about making quiet floors in their hotels. It would be so nice to actually get some sleep when I'm out of town.

Over the next few months, I'm going to try to do very little that I don't need to do. I think that's the only way I can get through this semester (although maybe it won't be as bad as it looks, especially if the Music Industry class won't be an overwhelming amount of work). So I won't be going down to Easton, PA for the Ian Anderson accoustic concert and Q&A (even though I would REALLY like to go) and I won't be doing any Fall foliage trip, however, I might rent a movie or two that are Fall-like (have to figure out some possibilities) and listen to Tull's "Songs from the Wood" and on a crisp Fall day, I'll go take a walk along the river.

Unfortunately, I have many things piling up that do need to get done eventually. I need to find some old boarding passes and car rental receipts to get milage credit since a few companies didn't automatically add them to my account for some reason. I need to try clothes shopping once in a while and try to find some dress shirts (especially for warm weather, although that won't be an issue for much longer this year, but if a store has something that works, I'll always be able to use it next year- do stores carry Summer/Fall clothes in the Winter?) and I do need to find something to wear to the black tie event at the Smithsonian. I also need to upgrade my computer already and fix my CD burner. I've been wanting to do that for way too long!! And I have a ton of paperwork to go through at some point. I'm hoping most things aren't critical since I haven't been able to go through the pile for a while. Really soon I need to organise my finances. And also soon, I should pick a primary care doctor and then I'll be able to find specialists (especially a dermatologist and an OB/GYN). And this isn't critical, but one day I would love to organise my closets.

Oh, and before Tuesday, I need to read up on local election candidates!

And today I need to reserve a rental car (I already booked a hotel room at the Cross Keys Radisson two nights ago).

I know I said I wouldn't write about this stuff, but I really think this is worth saying. I feel badly for people who have lost loved ones in a way other than the "Trade Center Tragedy". All the networks are having stories of people who have lost loved ones in the "Trade Center Tragedy" and how they are coping and moving on with their lives. Tragedies happen every day. Why is the media only focusing on loss through this one tragedy? Because it will get viewers. I think it's ridiculous.

So, yes, I need to cut down on frivilous activities over the next few months, but that didn't stop me from getting tickets to a few shows this Fall. I figure if I see approximately 2 shows a month, that's not too bad. I mean, theatre's one of the few ways I can relax, and I do need to relax at some point, right?

I'm not travelling by plane any time soon, but if I was, it's nice to know that American is doing more flights from LaGuardia, including competing with US Air's shuttle flights with their Eagle flights from LaGuardia to Boston and DC.

Last night I did the outline for my paper and started writing it. That was enough productivity for one night, so I spent the rest of the night (and early morning) watching PBS. I watched a bit of Charlie Rose interview Moby (turned it off when the September 11th discussion started), then came Theatre Talk with Kaufman and Hart (their daughter and wife, respectively, obviously not themselves), and following that was "The Royal Family". And during the TV stuff, I read up on local politics so I can be a more informed voter on Tuesday (even though it's only the primaries). So, I had a nice balanced Friday night.

Today I wrote a little more of my paper, but it's not going as quickly as I thought it would. I guess I just have a mental block against it for some reason. I also got really tired mid-afternoon, so that's not helping. Hopefully I'll get a second wind soon and I'll finish up the paper tonight.

What else have I done today? I read a magazine, changed some of the music in my CD player to have more of a fall tone, and discovered that Broadway on Broadway is on the day I leave for Baltimore, so not only am I missing it, I have to navigate my way to the tunnel by getting around all the closed roads and crowds. Not a very productive day at all.

I know Dead Can Dance is not good music to listen to when you're tired and don't want to go to sleep yet, but I don't care. I'm finally enjoying being tired and not having anywhere to go. The paper will get written eventually. They always do.

I finally got an email from the professor of the music industry class and unfortunately, that class isn't going to work out. He wanted me to meet with him Tuesday afternoon to go over the details of my internship plus email him the details of the internship before then. Um, I'm not looking for a career in the music industry, I just thought it might be interesting to learn about it. So I guess I'll just be taking 6 credits this semester. That sounds so pathetic. At this rate I'll be almost at retiring age before I graduate (so I exaggerate slightly). But with my extra time I can work and work is always a good thing.

Tomorrow, if I finish the paper tonight, I'm going to try some clothes shopping- don't know where I'll go yet, but I'll probably wind up on 77th St. to check out the thrift shops in the area and then I can have dinner at Caffe Buon Gusto. Monday is going to be busy. First I need to mail a package. Then I'm going to school to do the waiting-in-lines-all-day-to-get-a-sticker-for-my-ID thing, get a card for the printer so I can print out my paper, and go to the library to get a bar code for my ID and then get the copies of the reserved articles and with whatever time is left, copy as many articles as I can. Then I'll go get a bite to eat at Artisanal (since I've been in the mood for their cheese) while reading the articles for Urban Structures and then go see the Brave New World production.

This CD is reminding me of when I drove through Utah with Josh. We had spent a few hours climing rocks in one of the parks and then at sunset, we left the area, listening to this CD. It was one of the most peaceful times I had ever experienced. The sky was gorgeous, there was no one one the roads, and the music fit the atmosphere. We both were silent as we drove out of that park, and it was the most comfortable silence, each knowing that the other was in the exact same peaceful mood.

Josh left Virginia last night to start his journey to Colorado. I wish him lots of luck in finding a home there. I'm so happy for him- being able to live in the land of red rocks. And maybe once he settles in, I can find a time to go visit (and stop by Phoenix on the way to see Matt & Brie).

Why was I tired for much of the day yesterday? Because with having a couple of days to be on my own schedule, I managed to slip into my version of a free-running rhythm rather than a circadian rhythm. I wrote my paper from 11:00 to midnight and then got updated on the day's sports and played trivia games. I think I finally fell asleep sometime around 4:00.

I'm not going clothes shopping today since most of the thrift stores I was going to go to are closed on Sunday (glad I checked to see where they were located before I left since I got their hours at the same time and saw they were not open today). So, I don't know when I'll get clothes. Oh well, I have a few suits I can wear for business things- just hope it's not too hot (if the weather continues like it has been, it won't be too hot).

So what did I do today? Cleaned the apartment a little, tweaked my paper a bit, and watched some football. What will I do with the rest of the day? Maybe watch "Say Anything" and/or "The Accidental Tourist", organise things for tomorrow, and watch the season finale of SatC. I have an extra hour or two available today since I refuse to read The Times since I don't want to read all the September 11th related articles. In fact, I haven't been reading any news; that's why all my "News Stories of the Day" articles have been sports or theatre related.

I like Drew Bledsoe.

So I'm glad I didn't drop the Music Industry class yet and I'm glad I decided to let the guy know that I would be dropping the class. I got a reply this morning and he said that he was sorry for thinking I was writing to him about the internship rather than the class and that the class does not require an internship and I should get the book and come to class on Tuesday. He said there would be a quiz next week and I'm hoping (I'm pretty sure) the quiz is on Friday since I can't get the book yet. I can't check with the school bookstore until tomorrow (but they probably won't have any copies in since they never have any copies of the books after the first day of classes) and Barnes and Noble doesn't have it in any of the bookstores here but is available online. I ordered it online and am hoping it will come in before Friday (it says it ships within 24 hours, but that doesn't mean it will get here by Friday) and I'll check with the school bookstore tomorrow to see when they expect more copies in (and if they expect more copies in). I'm hoping I can at least find someone in the class on Tuesday that has a few minutes after class to come with me to the library and can wait while I copy the first chapter. I was pissed at Shakespeare & Co. since they have textbooks for Hunter but won't check to see if a book is available for someone on the phone- we have to come in person to check. That's ridiculous considering most of the students are coming from Queens or somewhere not close to the school. Oh well, I'll get the book eventually and hopefully I can at least get the first chapter photocopied. I'll be getting to know the copier pretty well between that and all the articles I need to copy for Urban Structures.

I'm not completely serious, but I think it would be fun to stand in a populated area and read Allan Ginsberg's poem, "America", on September 11th. That would piss off A LOT of people!!!

I really like Bledsoe.

I HATE Hunter!!!! No wonder they are rated by US News and World Report as 3rd worst for long lines and red tape, and it seems to get worse every semester. Today it took me 4 hours to print out my paper, get a new sticker for my student ID, and to copy 3 articles. The computerised card catalogues on the 2nd floor of the library don't work, the bookstore doesn't have any books available (the one I need might be available on Friday- too late for me to study for my test), and the people who work in almost every department are downright nasty. Now I'm exhausted (even though I had a huge coffee a couple of hours ago) and don't want to go back out.

But I will. I need to eat dinner and why not eat out where it's easier to force myself to do some reading for classes (if I'm home I'll find something better to do whereas if I'm out, what else am I going to do at a table by myself)? And tonight is Brave New World.

I'm so not looking forward to having to copy more articles for this class. I just hope he puts the rest of them on reserve sooner rather than later so I can maybe get ahead on the reading. Plus, it would be nice to copy a few of them at a time (even though it's ridiculously time consuming- approximately 2 hours for 3 articles) so I don't have to do this every time I'm at that stupid school.

Oh, and the instructor is gay. I was looking at the links he put up on the website (since I needed to print out the syllabus which is on the website) and there are many gay and lesbian links. You can tell so much about a person by the links they share. This guy is a gay, environmentalist, bike rider from Minnesota (or he at least lived in Minnesota for a while, as he put up a link entitled: "You know you're a Minnesotan if...". But besides the excessive amount of article copying and the heavy focusing on government, I think I'll like this class. And too bad Eytan doesn't live in New York. I think this instructor is his kind of person- a mild-mannered, do-good, fairly attractive, bike rider. If we were still speaking, I would tell him about this guy.

That's another story. I don't think we're officially not on speaking terms, but he completely ignores me. I haven't heard from him since I was down in DC at the end of July. I've sent him a couple of emails about things he'd be interested in but never heard back from him. I don't want to even try anymore. He knows my phone number and email address, he can contact me if he wants. I'll probably call him on his birthday, but not because I really want to- I just feel like I should. Plus, it would be nice to ask him why he doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. I know we've been over this a few times and he always tells me he's not mad at me and not ignoring me, but maybe this time I can get a real answer out of him (doubtful). Why can't people be honest about not wanting to stay friends with someone? I guess it's because they don't want to hurt them, but don't they realise their silence hurts more?

And it's fitting that I'm typing about this as "Rosalia" plays. Eytan used to like that song. It reminds me, and I believe I've written about this before, of that time Eytan, Terry, and I drove down to the New River and parked the car and hung out for a while, listening to this Better Than Ezra CD and enjoying the quiet, night sky. "Rosalia" came on and for some reason Eytan made Terry and I shut up and listen to the song.

And now that I think about it, maybe I should call Eytan on the 11th. Maybe I shouldn't ignore the day but use it to contact friends and family. I know I don't have many people on my friends and family list, but I should try to preserve everything I can (not that I don't try to do that all year round, but maybe more people will be willing to listen on the 11th).

I didn't mean to get into all that right now. I need to get going. It's getting late and I could use some food- drinking a lot of coffee on an empty stomach did wake me up enough to continue with the day but my stomach did not appreciate it very much.

I had a wonderful dinner at Artisanal last night.

And the show... well... I think I experienced every emotion. There were tear jerkers, thought provokers, sleep inducers, and some with a little humour. Definitely a well-rounded evening. I had no idea how long it was going on until during intermission I overheard a few people upset at how late it was. It was 10:15 at intermission. It didn't feel that long at all. In fact, when the left out a couple plays at the end, I wish they didn't have to do that- I wanted to see them. When the evening started, I was sitting near some pretty obnoxious people, but as the evening got later and later, more and more people left. By the end, it was a pleasant group of theatre people. I couldn't believe though that no one was talking about how the pieces made them feel, they were just talking about what they needed to do the next day. That bothered me. One of my favourite lines was in "Adopt a Sailor" by Charles Evered. Michael Nouri's character said about his wife, played by Bebe Neuwirth, something like "Yes, in the past few months, my wife has been living her life as if she was in a movie with an Aaron Copland soundtrack". That play had several good lines. Act II was less emotional than Act I. Actually, the most emotional ones were all in the beginning. The more moving ones were: "The Other Line"- the one about a woman on the phone, planning her daughter's wedding, when she receives a call from her daughter in one of the towers, saying "I love you" one last time, the song performed by LaChanze about her husband, and the one with several people all talking at a rapid pace about their early, first-hand accounts. Peter Gallagher can't act and was so quiet I couldn't hear him (and I was sitting in the 4th row on the aisle). Neil LaBute never fails to shock or surprise me and this time was no acception. The young couple, played by Paul Rudd and Kristen Davis, were at home early in the morning. Kristen Davis' character was on her way to get an abortion and Paul Rudd's character was at a business breakfast before heading into the office in one of the towers. After the procedure, she checks her cell phone and gets a message that was something like, "I was thinking, you know, you can keep it if you want. I don't care. It's up to you." That was the last thing she heard from her boyfriend (or husband, whatever he was). The hardest part to watch (or rather hear) was when they were both sitting quietly on their respective chairs and an extremely loud airplane sound came from overhead and got louder and louder as it got closer and closer. I was relieved when there was no crashing sound. Oh, and "Nine Ten" was very funny (a piece about jurors waiting in the waiting room on September 10th, all complaining about little irritating things in their lives) plus it especially interested me since I was supposed to be in that same situation the day after. And speaking of jury duty, I got my check in the mail from that today- getting a check for $80 is always a good thing. Anyway, there were a few times during the production when my thoughts drifted to other things. I thought about my own life and how much I appreciate it. There was a line in LaChanz's song about how in her husband's life, his dreams came true. I thought about what dreams I've had and if any of them came true. It took me too long to come up with anything, but I was finally able to come up with a few- getting to go to the School for the Arts (it wasn't a dream, but I was happy I was able to go to school there even though most of it wasn't a pleasant experience), getting to travel quite a bit, and getting to live in New York (The second time. The first time wasn't so wonderful). I'm not really a dreamer though, so I didn't have many dreams to remember to see if they came true or not. It did make me want to remember to live my life to the fullest though. I don't think I've been doing that enough recently.

Anyway, I'm glad I went.

Oh, and I managed to get a taxi right away even with the other 1000+ people waiting. Go me!

So, I got home after midnight, didn't get much sleep, and REALLY didn't want to go to classes today.

And classes today were pretty bad. Urban Structures was fine but the other two... Well, the music class is okay (but does have a good amount of work), but the professor is a bit discombobutated. He asked me 3 times why today was my first time in class. And I asked if I could copy his book so I could read it before the test and he told me he would put it on reserve at the library. So I went down there with him and the people at the library said it would take a few days, but he asked if they could do it right away since I was waiting. I didn't get to copy it then though since I had to get to class. The theatre instructor is also pretty scattered. He jumps topics a lot and I was tired and upset (for some reason). He mentioned that our class is in charge of props and when asked if we had to do props, he said no, just one person had to do it, and then he said a few people should get to do it. Then at the end of class he asked who wanted to do props. I'm a bit confused, but I'm assuming it will make more sense eventually. Though I have a feeling this theatre department is a bit unorganised, and I'm not looking forward to that. They had been planning on doing one show and then found out that they couldn't get the rights. Shouldn't they have tried to get on this earlier so they wouldn't have to change plays at the last minute? Anyway, the 2 hour class felt like 5. After class, I went to the library and it took about a half an hour to check out and copy the first chapter of the music book.

Then I went to vote and found out it wasn't a Republican Primary. Didn't realise that.

Listening to "Tick, Tick... Boom!" makes me really wish I could see it again.

So I stupidly caught a little of the news this evening- not happy about hearing about the orange alert.

I'm also not happy about Harvey flying tomorrow. He's not only flying to Denver tomorrow, he's also flying back tomorrow night. Fortunately Denver doesn't sound like a high alert kind of place, and I'm hoping and praying BWI isn't either.

But part of me wants to think that our government wants to tell us about all these alerts and tell us about information they have received in order for us not to be mad at them anymore for wanting to go to war with Iraq- if they tell us important information we'll realise that they only want to do everything to protect us and that war with Iraq will be great in the long run. Or something like that.

Maybe I don't want to be home alone all day tomorrow. I might be tempted to read the newspaper. But I sort of feel I should keep checking up on the news just in case...

I can't believe the media has me scared again. Do I really need to be afraid?

And I find myself wanting to hear other people's reflections. How can I get sucked into all this again so easily? Was going to that show last night a mistake or would these feelings have happened anyway? I think they would have happened anyway.

And now after typing that, I feel like ignoring everything and living my life the way I have been for the past several months.

But part of me wants to torture myself with words and images.

I don't like that part of me.

See, this is a bit like last year- all these mixed feelings. And I'm blaming the media. It really is all their fault.

Although, tomorrow won't feel so dramatic after all they've been doing all week (and really all year).

Okay, I can't think about this anymore. I really need to try to concentrate on other things. I want to try to not get caught up in all this.

Now, once again, I'm going to try to forget about this stuff. I think I'll play some trivia games and then, if I'm still awake, start my Turner Classic Movie marathon (I believe the first one I'm interested in starts at 1:00).

But before I do, one more thought. I don't think I want to read my journal entries from this time last year. Maybe I'll wait until November to start reading last year's entries again. But I will read the ones from 2 years ago. I think that's a smart idea. But will I be able to stick to it? Yes, I think I will.

I tried to watch Turner Classic Movies last night, but the movies I wanted to watch weren't on. Maybe they do their early AM schedule wrong and when they say September 11 1:15 AM, they really mean September 12 1:15 AM. Oh well. I eventually fell asleep- don't know what time.

I'm feeling completely better today (so far). I haven't seen or heard any reminders other than my own reminders of the date when sending emails to people(I ignored the pictures on Amazon), but the date doesn't bring any emotions, only stories will bring emotions.

I had trouble finding music I wanted to listen to today, but finally my CD player chose Lowen & Navarro and that sounded perfect- meaningful but not too depressing.

I just tried to call Eytan but got his machine and didn't want to leave a message. I'll try again later and he still doesn't answer by this evening, I'll leave a message. Although, I see him online right now. Maybe I should IM him and see if he'll answer my call? Yeah, I'll do that right now.

Ah, success. He said he would call me in about an hour. Until then I will send out a few more emails. This evening I have a few phone calls to make.

I got an email today that I didn't even think about emailing- Maria from "Hair"/"Nutcracker"/School for the Arts. She seems (at least in email) much more mature than she used to be, but still the fun-loving girl she used to be. What a wonderful, sweet thing- to get an email from someone thinking of you without you having to contact them first. She shares the same views I've been having about the media/govt. slant as well as finding it difficult to avoid all of it; plus she has a child so she has to try to shield her from and yet explain all this to her.

I've been thinking a little again about my dreams, or lack there of. Maybe I don't have dreams, but I should at least have goals that I can stick to. That's the problem, sticking to things rather than always trying to start something else. But maybe I'm just not the kind of person who can stick to things. But I want to stick to something. I think it would make me feel better about myself. So right now I'm still trying to stick to school. Even though it won't really get me anywhere, at least I can tell myself I accomplished something. Although, I think I'll really feel better if I'm able to get an internship with a casting company this summer. Then I can see if my goal of going into casting will work out. I sure hope it will as it sounds like a really good idea in my head.

I'm going to have A LOT of work to do at the PF tomorrow. I probably should have started on it today, but I really didn't want to go out in the world today. Besides, I have a lot of reading to do for school (did a little yesterday evening) which I'm going to have to do by Friday. So I'll do the reading today and hope I can get everything at the PF tomorrow. If I don't, it's not the end of the world (obviously). Unfortunately, I have school all day Friday and then I'm leaving town Sunday so I can't finish it up next week. I'll just get there early tomorrow and do as much as I can. It might not even take as long as I'm anticipating.

I'm still hoping to hear back from Robyn. It would be nice to meet her for an hour or so tomorrow evening after my eye-straining day at the PF.

With the blocking off of most Midtown East streets (because of the U.N. meetings), getting back and forth to the PF today was not fun. Walking was the easiest way to get there and while it's not an extremely long walk, it's not a very short one either. The research took a while but partly because I wasn't reading carefully and wound up putting down the wrong information and had to go back and redo part of it. I'm usually so careful with that kind of thing- don't know what happened today. I took a short break at a nearby pub and did some reading for my Urban Structures class. And I started off my morning (yes, this paragraph is a little out of order) by going to mail a package at the post office and then going to Kinkos to print out an email (once in a while, mainly when I have several things to print all around the same time, I wish I had a printer- but it's really not worth the hassle and the space it would take up).

At least on a day when I had a lot of walking to do, the weather was quite gorgeous (if the air was a little more crisp, it would have been perfect).

Josh logged onto AIM late last night a few minutes before I was going to go to bed. I'm glad I got a chance to chat with him. I told him a little bit about how I was feeling that I never accomplish any goals and he told me his philosophy: "I tell myself that the only real accomplishment one needs to make in life is to be happy, and to be a good person and try to help others be happy. If one does okay with that then one has done well with one's life." What a wonderful view! It definitely made me feel much better. I need to remind myself of this often! We also chatted about other things like the ridiculous sign in his hotel room at the LaQuinta Inn in Grand Junction, CO:
"Safeguard your room key during your stay. Do not leave your room key in your room or in other places where it can be easily stolen"
Are they trying to tell you that your room is not safe and can be broken into easily? So yes, it was good chatting with Josh last night. I'm so happy he's going to be in Grand Junction- sounds like a wonderful place (and I can't wait to visit)!

A special thank you to whoever has been buying things at My Amazon.com Page.

Now I need to finish up a few more little things, and then I'll call Robyn and figure out where we're meeting tonight.

This morning I discovered that Harvey did something to my dishwasher that caused it to pull apart from the wall. It's always something with him. Why does he always break things when he's in my home? The worst was when he broke a window in my bedroom when I was living on Cedarcroft Rd. in Baltimore. Anyway, they're gone now. They just left about a half an hour ago.

Okay, now I'll go in chronological order.

Thursday night I met Robyn and we went to Merchants NY. What a great place. I already knew I liked their downstairs lounge, and now I know it's a nice place for dinner. We were there for 3 hours! I think she appreciated having someone local to talk to. I got home and didn't feel like doing anything I needed to do, so I just rested for a bit, went to bed early, and got up early.

Friday morning I did some studying for my music test and then headed up to school. It turned out that he decided to postpone the test until next week, so we just reviewed everything yesterday. In theatre, we had to sign up for hours to work on the show. I signed up for 2 days to start with even though I still don't understand what I'll be doing on those days. Maybe we'll just show up and find out what needs to be done on that particular day? Anyway, we also went around the room telling everyone a little bit about ourselves and what we were planning to accomplish in the theatre world. I decided to lie and say that I was interested in drama therapy and that's why I was a theatre major and psych minor. Hey, that could be what I was interested in doing; it was at one point in my life (I remember when my writing professor at NYU suggested that field to me back in '93).

Oh, and not only are the streets around me still all blocked off for the U.N. stuff, the streets around Hunter were blocked off because of embassy meetings nearby. Always something.

Last night I decided to procrastinate and went to Artisanal with Paula and Harvey. This was the first time I had a bad experience there. I only cared for 1 of my 3 cheeses and didn't like any of Paula's. After dinner, I didn't want to go home so I went to the Waldorf for a drink. A guy sat down next to me and it turned out that he was a delegate from Saudi Arabia and was in town for the U.N. meetings. He asked me out for dinner, and I of course said no. I should have realised there would be tons of U.N. people at the bar; that hotel is a common place they stay.

Tonight I'm going out with Christine (woman I've been emailing). Don't know what we're doing yet; I'll call her in a little bit (unless she calls me first).

But before I go out, I need to go through the mail and pack so I can just run right out tomorrow morning- the earlier I leave the better, since it'll take longer to get out of the city with the Broadway on Broadway event (which I bet will be even more crowded since the N-Sync guy, who is currently in "Rent", will be there).

Oh, I finally heard back from Jennifer, the girl with whom I saw Chicago City Limits about a month ago. She's interested in seeing People are Wrong at Joe's Pub. It's every Monday this month, so maybe we'll be able to go next week or the week after. That would be fun.

I've had songs from "42nd Street" in my head for the past few days.

Tonight was lovely. I met Chris at the Comedy Cellar and the show was okay- the later comics were better; Greg Giraldo and Godfrey were great. Chris had the same opinion as me about the show. After, we went to Zinc Bar. The music hadn't started yet, so the place was quiet, but the background music was nice as were the Mojitos. I definitely would like to go back there when there is a band (preferably an African or Brazilian band) and hopefully it's not too crowded and loud. When we left there, we were walking back toward her place and I was about to head up on 6th to take the F train, but she asked if I wanted to stop for a slice of pizza first. Sure, why not? So, we stopped at Joe's and... yum! Definitely a nice way to end the evening. And what a nice evening that was. Over drinks at Zinc, we discussed all kinds of things- politics, travel, culture, business, philately... Chris is an intelligent, confident, opinionated woman who is right up my alley. I'll definitely be hanging out with her again!

And now, off to sleep. Tomorrow morning I have to get up early to finish packing and get bagels for Neil and Maxine before navigating through all the traffic and blocked roads which will make my trek out of the city less than swift.

The ride down was like someone was turning a faucet on and off from the sky. It poured, it stopped, it poured, it stopped. There was no in between. But it wasn't too bad and there was no traffic. I left at 9:15 and got to College Park at 12:45!

I had a nice visit with Neil, Maxine, and Abby. We watched the first half of "The Wizard of Oz"- that was fun- I hadn't seen it in years.

That evening, I brought rain to College Park (I swear, people should pay me to relieve drought). As soon as I got in the car it started pouring and poured all the way up I-95. It did finally slow down though once I got to Baltimore but it never stopped.

Yesterday was irritating in the way that things usually are at the office here.

Last night I went to Mt. Washington Tavern for dinner and sat next to the biggest moron. He asked where I lived and when I told him he said in an excited voice, "Oh, have you been to Ground Zero?" I yelled at him and he still didn't leave it alone. He just kept going on and on about how awful it was and how he got tears in his eyes when he watched the stuff on TV and when I did take the time to argue with him and tell him my point of view, he agreed and then continued on his views. What an idiot! Oh, and I got carded because, as the guy said, "you look 12".

Today is starting out to be worse than yesterday in the office- everyone telling me what to do. I HATE THAT!!!!! Get out of my face!!!

Tonight I'm hopefully playing tennis with Jon.

And hopefully either today or tomorrow I will have an appointment with a dermatologist recommended by Harvey's doctor. I figured it was easier to go to someone recommended by a doctor Harvey kind of likes than to find a primary physician in New York (which I will still do when I get back since I do need a doctor), get an appointment with them, get them to recommend a dermatologist on my HMO plan, and then try to get an appointment with them. That would just take too long and if I do have something to worry about, I should go as soon as possible.

I'm playing tennis with Jon tonight at 6:00. I'm kind of numb and distracted from my "diagnosis" but hopefully playing tennis tonight will be a good idea.

I decided not to play tennis but did go over Jon and Michelle's for a few minutes to return a sock I thought they left that Jon wanted back. But it turned out not to be their sock. They were going to the Orioles game so Jon's mother came over to babysit. I hadn't seen her since Jon and I were dating. She was very polite and nice though. We discussed a little bit about theatre- she's a bus-tour-to-big-hit-shows person, so she's waiting to see reviews before getting any tickets to this season's shows.

Work was a bit hectic with long hours on Wednesday, but I like hectic in that sense. I was a busy bee and got done an amazing amount of stuff. I do love the work but really can't stand a few of the people in that office. At least some of them are gone. Oh, and I'm glad Les is back. I really like him.

Yesterday I had an uneventful ride home until I hit the traffic at the tunnel and it continued in the city. Wow, there was a lot of traffic! And after I got home, there was an amazing amount of emergency vehicles going by on 57th St. And as I was trying to fall asleep, the traffic still extremely heavy and noisy.

I called the doctor client this morning, but he's not at work today. He will be in Monday though. I don't know if I should wait until Monday or call him at home. I'll probably wait until Monday. What's a few more days? I just hope he'll take my call on Monday and that he has a recommendation and I can get an appointment quickly... I still don't know if I should ask him for a recommendation of a plastic surgeon or a primary care physician. If I ask for a primary care physician, I'll have to make sure they're take my insurence and then hope I can get an appointment quickly and then hope they can recommend a pastic surgeon quickly. I think I'll ask my client what he thinks I should do. Doctors know best, right? I sure hope they do, or at least this one does.

I did some studying for my test this morning, but I still am not 100% sure all that information is memorised. I'll look over it a little more right before the test.

Tonight is "Happy Days" at the Cherry Lane Theatre. I need to check my mail before I leave this morning to make sure the ticket is there. If not, I'll be calling Telecharge during my break this afternoon, eating into the time I have to go copy articles for the Urban Structures class from the library.

Tomorrow is catch up on school stuff and get groceries day and Sunday is the Broadway Flea Market.

Time to go get ready to leave.

Yesterday was a long day.

School was tiring. Urban Structures was okay, the music test wasn't too bad, I was able to copy 2 of the 3 articles available for Urban Structures (the 3rd one was 40 pages and I only had 10 more minutes before my next class), and theatre was tiring as usual- it's just too long and most of the subject matter is not interesting to me. The main problem with theatre though is the dates of the show. He assigned us to crew positions, and he put me on props, which is fine, but I don't think I can make the tech week rehearsals, which I'm sure is a big problem. The show opens on November 4, and tech & dress rehearsals will be the few days before that (mainly that weekend before). Well, I have to work that weekend and even if I could get out of it, I really don't want to. I also signed up to be an usher (but put down I couldn't do all the performances). I can be available for some of the performances to do props for some and usher for some, but tech week will be a real problem. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. But this is always going to be a problem. I can't believe they really do 2 full weeks (Monday through Sunday with 2 performances on Wednesdays and Saturdays) of performances. I'm also irritated that he knows everyone's name but mine (and maybe 1 or 2 others). I guess I'll go to the shop on the 2 days for which I signed up and then see what happens with props as we go along. If the show comes together quickly (I've only been in one show that came together that quickly and it was more like a musical concert than a real show, so I doubt this one will come together before opening night), maybe I'll be prepared enough to handle props during the show. Props. How hard can that be? At least he didn't put me on maintenence which would require laundry and sewing- not my strong points. Plus, I can't do the last few shows or strike since I have a black tie event for work that weekend. But there's nothing I can do about this today, and I just need to stop thinking about it. But I hate feeling unsettled. I feel unsettled about so many things right now, and all of it somehow relates to school. School is just always a problem. I've been reading my entries from this time last year and was reminded about how much easier life is without school in the way. And it certainly doesn't help that theatre classes are only offered during the day. I know I said I wouldn't work this semester (and probably all the other semesters too), but I'm finding that difficult to do. I just can't not work. I don't think I know how. That would make things a little easier though. But I really think it's almost impossible for me, especially right now- there's too much going on. Plus, I just like to work (usually). And then there's other life things that school just messes up- weddings, funerals, work-related fuctions... Why do I feel like I have more than my share of conflicts? I think I'll go try to talk to someone in the department on Tuesday during my hour break to see what I should do about these conflicts. Of course, the person I need to speak to probably won't have their office hours during that hour. Hopefully I just find out who I need to speak to, when their office hours are, and then hope the hours aren't during my other classes.

While I would love to just think about school, I'm afraid I should. I should start learning the terms for my theatre class (the exact class I really don't want to think about).

But first I'll order some groceries online.

Oh, but first I'll finish this entry. After school last night, I exchanged my ticket for "Hollywood Arms" and then went down to the Village. That took a while with transportation- Upper East Side to Times Square to the West Village. I had a quick dinner at Grange Hall (must go back- they have Deco chocolate port which I've been wanting to try for a while. I tried to go back after the show but they were packed). They had a Sonny Rollins CD playing (I asked since it sounded familiar) which was a nice thing to have as dinner music. And "Happy Days" was great. It would have been nice if my brain was a little more awake for it, Beckett is certainly NOT a playwright that doesn't want you to think too much, but I still was able to do quite a lot of thinking. It was a pleasure to see a show with an appreciative, quite, polite audience. And there was a single guy next to me. He knew people involved with the show, but it's always nice to see someone else on their own.

I'm still not very happy today. Thoughts of school led to thoughts of the future and my future doesn't look very bright. Of course, who knows what it will really look like. Andy once told me, "take care of the here and now and the future will fall into place,". That sounds great in theory, but you do need to do some planning. And my plan to get a college degree does seem important even if i don't know what will happen after that. I guess I'll know more after I talk to the advisor. I sure hope she's able to make me feel better about being a theatre major and still having a life outside of that. The only thing I know I can't do anything about is when the classes are offered. Theatre classes are only offered during the day. I guess I'll get used to that as long as I can arrange to only have classes 2 or 3 days a week. It would be even more useful if attendence wasn't required or if an instructor would understand missing a class or two if something important came up (like a business trip out of town or something).

I really need to stop thinking about this.

Instead I should think about the terms I need to know for the theatre test and I should also think about People are Wrong- a fun show I'm going to see at Joe's Pub with Jennifer on Monday night- that should be a happy thought. And I can think about all the theatre I get to see in October ("Hollywood Arms", Matt Bogart's cabaret show, "Burn This", and "Amour").

The groceries came early, but I don't think I'll be ordering online again. It's easier to make quick trips every so often, getting a few things so I don't have to carry heavy bags home. That way I know what I'm getting. This time, not only did they not have a few things I ordered (and of course they were the things I wanted the most), I got a few things I did not order. I just called and they're sending someone to pick up those things and give me a refund. Good thing I'll be home the rest of the night.

I'm trying to tell myself that the little things don't matter, but I still have the big concerns. Can I tell myself that they don't matter either? That only health and love and happiness matter? Even if that were true, I'm slightly worried about my health, I don't feel loved right now, and so I'm not happy.

I think I'm going to try to lose myself in a movie tonight. Don't know if it'll work, but I'm gonna try.

Went to the Broadway Flea Market this morning. Every year it gets a little more crowded and a little less interesting. I didn't stay long. After, I went to Edison Cafe for a bite to eat and to catch up on some school reading while waiting for the Virginia Theatre box office to open so I could get a ticket for "Flower Drum Song" (got it for September 25). I also picked up a few things at the Food Emporium before heading up to the box office since I didn't get everything I ordered online yesterday.

Being at the Broadway Flea Market and then walking up to 52nd St. reminded me of last year when "Music Man" was running. I still really miss that show. Every time I think about it, I get melancholy. I brought the CD on both car trips I had recently and couldn't bring myself to listen to it.

I got home and went through the mail, took a shower, and took care of some little paperwork-type things.

I feel like I've done a lot today, but I really haven't. But I don't want to do anything else besides watch a movie. I guess I'm on a movie-watching kick. Last night I wanted "Through the Looking Glass" with Kate Beckinsale. It was okay. I probably would have enjoyed it more if my mood was better. That's the problem with watching movies when you're not in a good mood, you don't enjoy the movie much. But even so, I think I'll see what's on TV tonight and nothing sounds good, I'll watch a video from my collection.

I did manage to talk to Rebecca today and she's helping me with the find-the-doctor thing. She's going to call her cousin who's an almost-retired doctor at Mass General and he's going to find a doctor in New York who accepts Aetna. Then supposedly when I make the appointment, I can tell the secretary that it's a bit of an emergency and she should squeeze me in sometime in the near future (so I don't have to wait 3 months and possibly wind up with a serious problem with skin cancer if that is indeed what is causing my birthmark to change shape). I definitely feel better about this situation.

And on Tuesday I will check the office hours of the theatre department advisor and hopefully be able to talk to her this week about my busy schedule and how I can work around that with the theatre committment. The one time I talked to her, she seemed very nice, so I'm hoping she will be understanding and accomodating. But I'm not worrying about it until I talk to her.

I have a very busy couple of weeks coming up. Tomorrow night is People are Wrong with Jennifer. Tuesday evening, I'm doing some of my hours in the scene shop. Wednesday afternoon I might be going to see a show with Robyn based on the life of George Cohan and Wednesday night is "Flower Drum Song". Then the following week is more theatre. That means I have to use the time in between to catch up on reading for my classes. I read this week's reading for the music class but I have been neglecting the urban stuctures class. Tomorrow during the day I need to really study the theatre terms. I bought index cards today to make study cards for the definitions of the 100 or so terms we need to know. The problem is that I should know what these things look like so I'll somehow have to draw these things well enough to know what I mean. Index cards. I don't think I've ever used index cards to study things for a test. Part of me feels organised and part of me feels like a 10 year old.

But tonight I'm going to relax. Time to go check what movies are on tonight.

Last night I watched "From Here to Eternity".

I hope to hear from Rebecca today about the doctor situation before I leave this evening. Even if she just calls to say she's talked to her cousin and he'll be looking into it, that would be nice to hear.

I decided I would go do some reading for my urban structures class at Artisanal before the show tonight. I hope the last time I went was just a fluke and it will be back to its usual standards tonight. But before dinner, I must go to the bank to make a deposit. I love adding money to my bank account. I don't even mind that some companies are still old fashioned and give me printed checks rather than direct deposit or Paypal or something; sometimes I like adding the money myself instead of only going to the bank when I need to take out money.

I'm meeting Jennifer at Joe's Pub at 9:00. Looking forward to show.

Robyn called this morning to tell me I should get tickets for the George Cohan show Wednesday afternoon. So I'll be bringing my school books to do some reading that afternoon/evening in between that show and "Flower Drum Song".

I've been getting sleep recently. I mean real sleep- 6-8 hours! Guess September is a tired month for me. Good thing I can afford the time for it.

Just got an Evite for Eytan's birthday dinner. Wish I could go, but it's probably not worth taking the time or money to get down to Bethesda (where the dinner is). Plus, I'd need to find a place to stay. But it's nice to see Evite is still going strong; getting stronger, actually (or at least more popular- or maybe I'm just getting more popular). It's one of the few early dot com companies I did some consulting for that is still doing well. Of course that's because they got taken over by Ticketmaster, but at least they still have their own name.

As I was typing that last paragraph, I got an email from Rebecca telling me to stay tuned. Life is looking slightly better today. Of course I still have the school-is-messing-up-my-work-life thing, but I won't think about that today.

And now that I think more about it, if I could stay with Brian and Rebecca (if they go to the dinner) and one of them don't mind taking me to a Metro station the next morning, maybe I will try to make the dinner. Or maybe Ben (Eytan's brother) won't mind if I stay with him for one night. I assume he lives near a Metro station or at least a bus stop. I see Lisa and Bev are evited. I wonder if they will go. If they do, I and go too, I think I'll try to sit at the opposite end of the table. I like Lisa (even though I know she doesn't care for me), but I can't handle much time with Bev (more than 30 seconds is too much).

And I can see the building on 58th St. going up from my apartment now. I'll be having a new view soon. I hope it doesn't take up too much of my current view though. I like the few pieces of sky I can see and I like the lego look to the right of the white building in front of me. Speaking of the white building in front of me, there's some guy on the roof, I assume doing work. He started to run inside and then I guess decided he couldn't wait. He came back outside and peed on the roof in the corner of the building with his back to me. He looked around for a minute to make sure no one was watching, but he couldn't see me. Yes, I'm a bit voyeuristic. Hell, who isn't in NYC?

Artisanal was back to normal last night. Even though they didn't have one of my choices, I still had 3 nice cheeses and the Tokay Pinot Gris was delicious.

People are Wrong was a lot of fun. It had elements of 70's rock musicals in a silly They Might Be Giants style. Definitely a show to cheer you up and leave you in a good mood. And Tricia Scotti (I think that's her name) is very attractive.

One of Jennifer's friends (another TMBG fan), John, was there. He's a typical small band geek (like Dick in "High Fidelity" except with is more outgoing, likes music that's a little more known, and is irritating). We took the R train together after the show and he expressed interest in hanging out again. Um, if he happens to be with Jennifer one night when I'm out with her, that's fine, but I think I'll skip the getting together just the two of us. Even though he has somewhat good taste in music (They Might Be Giants, Eddie from Ohio), he is way to irritating to be around for more than a few minutes. Besides, I don't want to go to a ton of small shows. Some of them may be okay, but I don't have the time to go to a lot of them and figure out which ones I like. I need to use my free time wisely, and I'd rather be seeing theatre and maybe checking out some jazz clubs (especially if I can find someone who wants to go with me). But maybe I should have John pick me up a ticket for Eddie from Ohio for December 14- that could be fun. If I can't go, I'm sure he can find someone who wants the ticket.

Even with the fun show last night, I'm not in good spirits today. I can enjoy a thing here and there, but the big picture of my life is just not shaping into a good picture. With that weighing on my mind, I just can't stay cheerful for long.

I'm glad I was cheerful last night though. Josh IMed me when I got home and was not in good spirits. I was able to cheer him up with positive words. I don't know if I would have been as good at that if I wasn't still in a good mood from the show since I know exactly how he's feeling with wishing you made a decision earlier and got started on something earlier; although my situation is a little different since I didn't want to do anything differently at the time but looking back, wish I did. I told him to come up with reasons why it was good that he did things when he did them and if he couldn't come up with a good one, to tell himself that everything happens for a reason, even if you can't see it right away. He said that sometimes the reason is that so you see never to make that mistake again. Unfortunately, that's true. So I did a little bit of thinking about that and am still thinking about that. It would be nice to be able to figure out how and why my life picture has been painted painted the way it has and what strokes I need to make in the near future to turn out a beautiful painting.

Today is a LONG day. Go to Mailboxes Etc to finally return the evening dresses I tried from Bluefly (it looks like I might not need one so soon after all if the theatre department won't let me be flexible with my schedule), go to classes, check the office hours of the theatre department advisor, and this evening I'm scheduled to work in the scene shop as part of my required hours.

I'm wearing overalls today for the first time since I moved back to New York (don't remember exactly when I wore them last). I look cute. I'm hoping they will put me in a better mood for the exhausting and frustrating rest of the day. They're shorts overalls. I wish I could find a pair of long overalls that fit me. I used to have black, velvet-like long overalls that fit me perfectly (they were an extra-small, which I found a bit ridiculous), but I don't know what happened to them. The last time I remember wearing them was on New Years Eve of '99 at Lake Havasu. Don't know why I remember that.

Between Rebecca's father and her cousin (who I also learned is on the board of the New England Journal of Medicine), I think I'll be finding a doctor shortly. Now I just have to hope they are nice and have common sense as well as being able to see me as soon as possible.

Something I've been meaning to mention: the security guard at the library at Hunter is a bit ridiculous. He barely looks at you or doesn't pay attention at all as you're walking by his desk and showing him your ID and then once you get past him, he yells at you to show him your ID. Look the first time, you moron. This happens every time. Why would someone not affiliated with the school want to use the library anyway? New York City has a great public library with branches all over the place (including near Hunter. What does this guy think he's accomplishing? On the other hand, the computer lab people barely look at the person's ID as they are walking in. This is where they should be paying attention. The labs are always packed and hopefully they're only packed with people affiliated with the school. Personally, now that they're charging to use the printer, I'll be taking my school stuff to Kinkos and if I need to use the databases for research, I'll go to the school library. For some reason, people haven't figured out that the library has computers with Internet access. I'm glad. I don't need to waste my time waiting to use a computer while the 5 people using them are using them to go into chat rooms or whatever other time-wasters they do.

Oh, I spoke too soon about people not knowing to use the computers in the library. I went there this afternoon and they were all being used. Rather than wait around, I decided to go and get some coffee (since I thought I'd be working in the scene shop and could use some caffeine) and will go to the library to copy more articles tomorrow after I talk to the theatre department advisor (I checked her hours today and she has hours tomorrow from 10:00-11:00. So tomorrow I'll talk to her, go copy articles, see the Cohan show with Robyn, find somewhere to read school stuff for a couple hours, and then go see "Flower Drum Song".

We took a tour of the scene shop and the Lowe stage this afternoon. Not too exciting for me, actually. I thought I'd be a little excited to be back in a theatre as a non-audience member, but in fact I was not. Perhaps because I'm not thrilled with the environment at this school and not thrilled with the show we'll be working on ("Heartbreak House", set in present day in the Hamptons) and not thrilled with the hours involved. I asked him about my not being able to be available the weekend before opening and he said I could get together with someone to walk me through the show as far as props are concerned. That made me feel better. I'm a quick study. Then later he said it was essential that we be there the weekend before opening. I'm not worried about that anymore though. And maybe I can even sneak away from work for a few hours to go and see what's going on with the production. The only thing I want to talk to the theatre advisor about is what is required for theatre majors in terms of the production. I want to make sure if I put in all these hours on the production, beyond what is required for the production course, that it will be counted for one of the production requirements for theatre majors. I'm also not worried about missing the last weekend of the show since I'll be down in DC for the black-tie event. If I have to work strike, I can probably get back into the city in time for that as strike is after the Sunday matinee. So I can work around 10 of the shows doing props crew and 2-3 shows ushering. That will be 30 of the hours required for this production class. Then if what is required of the theatre major is just to be there for strike, I can hopefully get back here in time for that and fullfill my requirement. I'll be a busy little bee, but it'll be worth it. I just can't leave my professional life behind for this theatre department. I just hope I can find time to do all the work for my other classes. Of course I have papers and presentations all due around that time. I don't know how the other students do it. I wish our instructors would give us the assignments ahead of time. In fact, I think I will ask them if that's possible on Tuesday. Friday there is no music class since the professor will be out of town, so I'm not going to the urban structures class either since he doesn't take attendence and would rather not have a 2 hour break in between classes. Watch though, on Friday there will only be 5 people in the class and he'll get pissed off. I really hope that doesn't happen. Oh, and speaking of urban structures, we got our first paper back today and I got a 20 out of 20. Off to a good start. And the music test wasn't given back because a few people in the class used pens instead of pencils for the scan-tron thing and he had to re-do those and give them back to the computer centre. So I guess we'll get those back next week.

That was a nice, long, rambling paragraph.

In another unimportant news, I added my journal to NYC Bloggers. They have a site that lists blogs/journals/diaries by subway stop. As expected, there are only 2 other people at my stop, as opposed to the several at most other stops. That's why, in my little description of my site, I said, "A daily look at the life of a young woman who ponders the question, Is anyone getting off at this stop actually on their way home or am I the only one who lives around here?".

And in other random news: Sylvia just called me. She wanted to let me know that a cousin of mine has a wife who lives in Israel will be in the New York area at the beginning of October for some sort of convention and is interested in meeting me. I think she's staying somewhere in or near the Hamptons so I don't know how convenient it will be to meet me somewhere, but I think it could be interesting if it works out.

Today was a tad irritating, but I had the energy and frame of mind to deal with it. I decided to leave a few minutes early and take my package up to the Mailboxes Etc near Hunter. They told me the label had to be scanned by the post office. Fortunately, there was a post office nearby. Of course it wasn't well marked and I figured the building with the big American flag would be it. Wrong. In present times, everyone has a big American flag outside their buildings. In fact, the post office didn't have a flag at all, that I could see. I thought all post offices had the flag. Anyway, the line was long and the clerks were SLOW. I finally got to a window and all I had to do was hand her the package. I'm sure if I didn't wait in line and just walked up to a window and handed them the package, telling them it had postage already and just needed to be scanned, they would have told me to go wait in line. Oh well, I still got to school before 10:30.

I went to the theatre advisor's office and her door was locked. I asked someone nearby if they knew where she was, and she told me that Professor Sternberg was on leave this semester. I found the theatre advisor's office for this semester and she didn't have office hours then. There was, however, a notice up on her door about the theatre production requirements. It is a bit confusing, so it's not just me not being able to figure it out. To make it simple, if you put in double the hours of the production class or work from the first production meeting until strike on a particular job, you can get credit. The head of the crew (props, lights, etc.) gives you assignments and he writes you up to the technical director. I guess if he writes good things about you like "so and so worked many hours and was a hard worker", you can get credit. I think I'll get to be very friendly with the head of props and hopefully he'll write me a good report. I know who he is, he's in the production class, and he seems very laid back, so I'm assuming I can get credit for one of my RCAs (Running Crew Assignments). Then I just need to make sure I complete more than the required hours for the production class. If I work almost all the shows running props and go into the shop for many hours, I should be okay. I hope.

Haven't listened to this James album in a long time. It used to remind me of many things, but now it just reminds me of Terry. But today seems to be an unemotional day (finally) and the memories are just facts rather than emotional experiences.

I'm meeting Robyn at 1:45 to go down to Chashama for the George Cohan show. I think I'm looking forward to it. It's fun seeing random stuff that you normally wouldn't choose to see (with a few exceptions and hopefully this isn't one of them). Then I'll go tackle my school reading between shows. Don't know where I'll do that yet. Maybe I'll read in Bryant Park for a bit. I also want to have dinner (and continue reading) at Caffe Cielo.

I remembered a bit of my dream last night. George was in it. I can't believe he's still in my dreams- it's a bit ridiculous. I kept going back to sleep on and off and he was always in the dream. I can't remember too many details now though. There was something about being at some event at a hotel (for a change). Paula had asked me to do a few things for her, like go ask a client something or ask an employee what a client had said about something. Then I remember walking outside and hiding from someone. I hid behind some bolder but George found me. He wasn't the person I was hiding from though. Then later I had to go to George's table and get something that someone had left there for us. He was strictly professional, rather than the casual, friendly way he'd been acting earlier. Then I kept running into him everywhere and he was quite friendly. When I finally woke up, I felt like I had been asleep all day, even though it was still morning and I hadn't been sleeping that long. I felt like I had really done the activities last night that were in my dream rather than last night's actual activities. In other words, I was exhausted and it took a while to get back to normal and I still don't have much energy, but that could because of the rainy weather.

"George Cohan in His Own Words" wasn't very good. The main problem was the cast, although Jonny Peterson, who played Cohan, got better toward the end when the material was more dramatic. Learning the story of Cohan's life was the most interesting aspect of the show for me. I didn't know anything about him other than some of his music. He was an arrogant man who didn't include either of his wives or any of his children in his autobiography. He really only loved the theatre, his family (father, mother, and sister), and his country.

After the show, Robyn and I went for coffee. Oh but first we made a stop at the Marquis to use the restrooms and she ran into someone she knew (the bass player in "Thoroughly Modern Millie", an obvious place to run into him). She's been in the city less than a month and is already running into people she knows.

Then I went to Caffe Cielo for dinner. The place was packed. I had planned on sitting at the bar but there wasn't any room. There was one table available which the hostess let me have since she actually remembered me. She's so sweet. The server was slow and not very good, but I was still able to get over to the theatre before 8:00 (10 minutes to spare).

"Flower Drum Song" was wonderful! I wasn't expecting anything special, so I was pleasantly surprised. My seat was great (2nd row on the aisle- didn't have any obstructions and no one was directly in front of me). Everything about the show was just really wonderful- the cast, the costumes, the story... And the audience was quiet and attentive. Again, this is why I like previews- the audience is mainly people who really want to see the particular show and don't have to wait for a good review to see it, so they are more likely to be quiet and appreciative. There was a large Asian population in the audience, which made sense. Most of them were young (meaning under 60) though, and I'm hoping they will decide they enjoyed themselves at the theatre so much they will want to see other things. The theatre needs young, polite audiences like this one.

I called Dr. Paley this morning, and he answered the phone. I didn't realise I had his private number and was quite surprised when he answered. And he answered right away too, which was quite surprising. He took my information, scheduled me in for next Wednesday morning, and told me someone in the office would call me with a dermatologist referral. They did call me and gave me the name of 4 dermatologists. I chose the one I could see the earliest (Oct. 23). I started to give them my info and when I got to the insurence part, she told me I had to get my primary physician's office to give me the referral and they would give me a confirmation number. So I called Dr. Paley's office back and they are sending me the referral by mail. I hope by the time I get it, I can still have that appointment on the 23rd.

Today is work, clean up the apartment, go through the mail, send Rebecca's dad an e-birthday card, and send Paula a birthday present day. Tomorrow is copy articles, go to theatre class, and stop by the drug store on the way home day. Saturday is study for theatre test and see "Evolution" day. Sunday is study for theatre test, read school stuff and watch "Copenhagen" on PBS day. Monday is study for theatre test, go see Spalding Gray at the Cuny Graduate Center, and colour my hair day. Tuesday is go to classes, take theatre test, and work in the scene shop day. Wednesday is doctor's appointment and Paula and Harvey arrive day. Thursday is possible dress shopping with Paula and possible meeting with random cousin from Israel day. And that's enough of that or I'll go crazy looking at all the things that need doing in the near future (and distant future as well- does it ever slow down?).

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed today.

Dreary day today. I like it. Makes me want to curl up in bed with a good book (although I'm a little tired of reading with all the reading I've been doing for school). So instead of reading, I was thinking of watching a movie. The only problem is that I have no idea what I'm in the mood for.

I only managed to do one of my errands today (go to CVS. I decided other things could wait.

Not much else to say today.

Oh, I'm thinking of heading up to Boston for the weekend of Oct. 19. See some New England foliage, visit with Rebecca (and maybe Kristin if she's in town), bring some work with me, and I'm sure find something interesting to enjoy (I've never had a trip to Boston that wasn't fun- of course now that I said that, I'll probably have a dull or difficult trip if I go). Just waiting to hear back from Rebecca if that weekend works for her.

Just remembered a dream I had a while ago about there being a website for New Yorkers with journals arranged by subway stop. I tried to find out if I wrote about it in my journal, but I couldn't find anything. I don't remember when I had the dream, but it's interesting that there really is an actual website like the one in my dream. It's a good thing I didn't know about the NYC Bloggers site last September, when I had the need to read about other New Yorker's experiences on September 11. I probably never would have left my apartment.

Last night I decided to watch "The King of Comedy". Not my thing. I can't stand watching annoying characters like Robert DeNiro's and Sandra Bernhard's characters. Some of the dialogue reminded me of conversations with Brian (my old roommate)- I would try to get him to understand something and he refused to listen and just kept repeating whatever his point was. Drove me nuts. So while I could appreciate some aspects of this movie, for the most part I didn't enjoy it. Then I tried to watch "Haxan"- I just couldn't watch more than a few minutes of it.

Tonight I'm seeing "Evolution". I'm looking forward to seeing Ione Skye and Peter Dinklage onstage and looking forward to seeing Josh Hamilton again (loved him in "Proof". And before the show, I'm going to have dinner at Il Buco, since I was in the mood for a cheese plate and they have some good choices, plus they are located a few blocks from the theatre. And of course I'll do some reading for my classes during dinner. And before I leave, I'll look over some of the material for the theatre test.

I didn't get much reading done at Il Buco last night. I read most of the music industry assignment but after a while, the information wasn't sinking in so I just put the book away. I'm better at understanding things from lectures anyway. Hopefully he won't ask me any questions to which I don't know the answer. And I didn't do any reading for urban structures. I didn't even copy the current articles on our syllabus. I'm a little worried about what the midterm will be like for that class since our classes have been structured in a way that I don't find anything on which to take notes and my views on the particular issues are fuzzy. But that's the only part of that class I'm worried about. I think I'll do okay on the group project and the other papers.

"Evolution" was okay. The script didn't hold together very well but the cast was great (Ione Skye was the weakest link, Josh Hamilton and Peter Dinklage were fantastic) and it had some funny and interesting moments. The press was there last night, and I got to sit next to Bruce Weber of the New York Times! Of course, I wouldn't have known it was him if I didn't see the "reserved for Bruce Weber" notice on the seat next to me. He seemed like a very down to earth guy. I can't wait to read his review.

I'm feeling like I understand less and less the more I think about things. Every day more and more things become less black and white. I feel like the curiousity part of my brain is growing while the understanding part is shrinking. It's incredibly frustrating. Topics I've been thinking a lot about recently are: the economy, cultures, critics, consumers, media, the general public, the arts, talent, celebrities. Everything I thought I knew is getting more and more vague. I almost want to stop thinking about these things for a bit to see if I can come back to them later and have a fresher perspective. Unfortunately, I have to continue thinking about urban issues and the music industry for school. Perhaps I'll just regurgitate someone else's views and use that for test/paper purposes.

There's a street fair on Lex today. I walked a block of it and then decided I had more important things to do with my time. All those fairs have the same crappy vendors. I sort of wanted to get a hat, but it's not worth looking there. Probably none of them would fit me and they didn't even have a mirror to see how they looked.

Paula and Harvey are no longer coming up on Wednesday. It looks like they will be taking the train Thursday evening. So now I have more time to clean up the apartment- I'll do it Wednesday after I get back from the doctor.

Thursday I'm going to check out City Opera Thrift Shop to see if they have any evening gowns. I doubt they'll have anything that will fit, but it can't hurt to check. And then I'll run across the street to Housing Works just to see if I can find anything (not for the black tie event, just random clothes). Rebecca is the only person I've ever gone shopping with and it wasn't too pleasant (would have been worse if we spent more time doing that). Oh, and I went shopping once with Marcell and surprisingly, that wasn't too bad- I guess because she was mainly focusing on herself. Anyway, I'm hoping my temper stays even on Thursday and I don't snap at her. I doubt I will. I warned her about my shopping temper and she promised to stay quiet. Who knows? It might even be a good idea. Sometimes I get sick of looking at stuff and she might find something for me that I wouldn't have seen otherwise.

Okay, time to go study for my theatre test.

So what will I do now? I could be productive and try to read more of "Inside the Music Industry", but I don't think I feel like being productive any more today. I cleaned a little, I reviewed the theatre material, I did some research on wear to look for an evening dress, and I picked up a few things at the drug store. That's not a lot for one day, but it's enough for a Sunday. I think I'll deal with a little paperwork (but save the mail for later this week) and then relax for a bit before bed.

Tomorrow I'm going to do some work, study more for the theatre test, and colour my hair before heading over to the Cuny Graduate Center for the evening with Spalding Gray.

I got up early and coloured my hair. I used Clairol's Ultress and it's extremely subtle (in a bad way). I'll have to remember not to use that one again.

I'm happy I was able to get up this morning after almost not going to bed last night. I finally got in bed around 3:30 and have no idea when I finally fell asleep. And I was even quite awake when I got up this morning. Maybe this is leading into a having-energy-and-not-needing-much-sleep month for October. That would be nice, considering how busy October will be.

Somehow I got "Good Morning Baltimore" from "Hairspray" in my head this morning and realised that one line, "Good morning Baltimore", is very similar to Tull's "A Small Cigar". Their rhythms are completely different but their melodies is similar and they sort of rhyme. I drive myself crazy when my brain finds similarities between songs- then I have to sing them together, like they are the same song. My favourite example is the harmony of the title song from "Phantom of the Opera", "And do I dream again, for now I find", leads right into "Aquarius" from "Hair", "This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius". So the whole line goes, "And do I dream again, for now I find this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius,". It's quite annoying.

Even though I'm seeing a thousand shows next week, I just made it one more. Matt Bogart is taking Adam Pascal's place in "Aida" while he's on vacation. I've been toying with the idea of seeing "Aida" again for some reason and this is a perfect opportunity to do that. I love Matt Bogart's voice (was quite upset an understudy was on for him when I went to see "Company") and was curious about his performance in "Aida". I just hope Simone isn't too cocky in her performance as Aida. I don't know anything about her other than what I've read in her bio, but her bio and her CD title (Simone Superstar) makes her sound a bit arrogant, and I'm just hoping she knows how to act the part properly. Anyway, I'll get to see Matt Bogart twice in one week, as I'm seeing his cabaret performance Monday night.

I looked over the theatre material a little bit this afternoon and feel pretty confident about it. I'll just look it over once more right before class since I have an hour break in between classes.

I hope we find out more about our papers and projects for the music and urban classes soon. I'm getting nervous about when I'll find the time for them and nervous about when our groups will be able to get together for the group project. But since there is nothing to work on yet, I'll enjoy my free time at the theatre.

And I'm probably going up to Boston the weekend of the 19th. Rebecca has a few obligations but that's not a problem with me. I can use that time for any work that I might be able to bring with me and I can take a ride up to New Hampshire (something I've been wanting to do for a while). The only bad thing is that Kristin will be camping that weekend so I won't be able to see her. Oh well, next time.

This evening I get to see Spalding Gray. I don't know if he's doing a monologue or talking about his monologues and/or his current life, but whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be great. He could make his journey from home to the CUNY Graduate Center sound hilarious and fascinating. I just hope he's doing better than the last time I saw him last fall. And after the thing this evening, I'll stop by Artisanal and pick up some cheese (I've been on a cheese kick).

So, yes, busy weeks ahead (or maybe I should say, busy months ahead). Tomorrow I have a classes, a test, and I'm working in the scene shop. Wednesday is the doctor appointment and then I need to go through the mail and try to make the apartment presentable. Thursday is shopping with Robyn and dinner with either my cousin's wife from Israel or Emily (Paula's friend, Molly's friend with whom I've been trying to get together)- neither of those are definite but if neither of them work out, I'll welcome the time at home. Paula and Harvey should be coming up here Thursday evening as well. Friday is classes and "Burn This". Saturday is work (if I have any) and I can read school stuff. Sunday should be the same as Saturday, and maybe I'll watch a little football. Monday is work and Matt Bogart's cabaret show. Tuesday is classes and "Hollywood Arms". Wednesday is work and "Aida". Thursday is work and "Amour". I don't know what happens the following weekend, but maybe I'll probably have papers to work on by then.

I can't believe it's the last day in September already. But then again, it also feels like ages ago since all the September 11th media stuff. But then again, it also feels like April (don't ask me which year). Time confuses me.

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