May

May 1 5:30 PM
Listening to: Collective Soul- "Collective Soul"
Site of the Day: allmusic
Interesting News Story of the Day: Conservatives �� 'South Park'
Swindler on a Gusher
Take My Husband. Please!
A Young Adult's Guide To Moving Back Home
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SOMETHING WENT SMOOTHLY! Of course it's something that will go smoothly at the Mandarin Oriental in Hong Kong (a place where the service is more amazing than I've ever seen), but it's such a peace of mind to know that I can leave my suitcase with them when I fly through there on my way to Phnom Penh and then have it waiting for me when I arrive at 1:00 AM on the morning I have to start work there. There really weren't any other options, other than to make an extra trip to leave it at the office and hope the secretary there remembered to bring it to the hotel on the 22nd. So now I don't have to worry.

Still having tremendous difficultly with my research paper. I'm not finding any sources other than 2 performance reviews (which aren't really helpful, but I will use them anyway since she wants us to include reviews). And I still have no clue what to include and how to organise the paper. I don't even have a strong thesis. And I'm kind of in denial about the whole thing. Two weeks to do a major research paper seems kind of absurd to me, especially when we're reading a bunch of plays and other stuff for her class (and tests on that stuff) as well as getting ready for an impossible final (let alone dealing with other classes, work, and life in general). I've been trying to figure out a way to tell her this and hope she'll be sympathetic. It took her a month to grade one of our shorter research papers. How does she expect to grade all these (plus the last research paper we gave her last week, if she hasn't finished those yet) within a week and then grade all our essays on the final exam in 24 hours (since final grades need to be into the registrar the day after our exam)? It sounds like she's making too much work for herself. But I don't know how to tell her that. And I probably won't. So I'll go back to struggling and probably ask her for help on Thursday, even though the other times I went to talk to her, she was of absolutely no help (in some areas, I think I know more than she does).

I'm at a standstill for a work project, since my contact person never got back to me on Friday. So instead of working on it today (like I had hoped), I'll have to find time to finish it this week (when I'm even busier).

As I was walking into my building after running errands today, a woman commented to me that the traffic was atrocious today. I said, "Just today?" Creepy doorman joined in and said it was probably worse because of the 2 construction projects across the street. Gee, ya think? I didn't think 2 huge cranes taking up the side of the street heading west and leaving only 1 lane for each direction was a big problem for a street with an extremely heavy flow of traffic.

I changed my long distance service to Sprint today since they offered such a good deal and because AT&T has given me 5 too many problems. Hope the switch doesn't prove to be worse (especially in the auction/calling card nonsense).

May 3 5:00 PM
Listening to: Brave- "Searching for the Sun"
Site of the Day: Desert of Maine
Interesting News Story of the Day: Montel Williams Joins House Members to Introduce Medical Marijuana Bill at May 4 Press Conference
Pedestrian Killed By Tour Bus In Chinatown
Fire Tears Through Four Buildings
Schwarzenegger's Star Dipping as Californians Feel Its Singe
U.S. Called Unprepared For Nuclear Terrorism
Torture Whitewash
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My allergies are pretty bad this year and nothing I've taken has helped. Yesterday I learned I'm not alone. Demi told me she's been to the doctor, tried several different prescriptions, and she's still miserable. I'm not going to bother taking anything else. It's probably safer in the long run to suffer with allergies.

Someone in my theatre class got hit by a car last week (sprained his ankle). When will the city take action on traffic issues?

Almost all of Lexington is now under scaffolding. If they didn't have any open slats in the roofs of the structures, I think I would have only gotten wet on my walk home when crossing the streets. It was raining last night. My knees weren't happy.

I'm currently relying on 5 people to do 5 different things for me. I wonder of how many will get done. Correctly. The first time (or at least by the second try). I'll be pleasantly surprised if 2 of them go smoothly. Amazingly surprised if more than that go smoothly.

You know what's hard about sometimes thinking everything happens for a reason and sometimes thinking you have control over your life? Not knowing when to leave things alone and when to try and take control.

I called Sprint today to see about a calling card. The good news is, they answer their calls quickly (although the first guy who answered my call hung up on me after I gave him my name and number), so I didn't have to wait on hold long at all. The bad news is, they don't have any good calling card plans. AT&T and MCI didn't have great plans, but they were always good enough. Sprint's plans are ridiculous. So we won't be able to count on me for a calling card for auctions. And Paula and Harvey won't be able to use my calling card when they're travelling overseas (hope they can find something that works). And I'll have to get a prepaid calling card to use on my upcoming trip. Have I mentioned how stupid our country is to have different cellular service than almost every other country in the world (it would be so convenient to use my phone overseas)? Between that issue and the can't-book-reasonably-priced-flights-from-the-United-States-that-originate-and-arrive-in-another-country issue (the cheapest I've found from Copenhagen to Hong Kong is $2500), it makes me wonder what the point of a "global world" is. I see how it's good for businesses but not for individuals.

Okay, back to work.

May 8 12:00 AM
Listening to: Mozart- "The Magic Flute"
Site of the Day: Arizona Chain Reaction (Think Independently. Buy Locally.)
Interesting News Story of the Day: Loews to publish actual start times for movies
In Airline Shift, More Nonstop Flights Make Schedule
U.S. says insurgent letter tells of flagging morale
Contraceptive fight keeps FDA in limbo
Tel Avivians picnic on the grass on International Marijuana Day
New Marijuana Law
Medical Fact: Marijuana is Safer Than Alcohol
Deadly School Bus Accident in Queens
Manhattan's Famous Munson Diner Moving Upstate
Rent Going up for More than a Million NYC Families
Two Pedestrians Hit By Falling Building Debris
Grenades explode outside UK consulate in NYC
Faith, Politics and Lincoln's Example
Kansas Challenges Definition of Science
Starbucks puts lid on Springsteen CD, cites lyrics
North Korea, China-Japan talks top Asia-Europe meet
Microsoft drops support of gay rights bill
Sexy Texas cheerleader ban clears first hurdle
Bush�s Support for Cable/Satellite Censorship Is an Assault on Americans� Constitutional Rights
Team Bush Goes Unpunished for Torture
Special scum that rose to top of sweeps
A wild and crazy guy
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I now have flights for my trip. And after 8+ hours of searching, I have a hotel for Copenhagen (I think I found the last room in the city for under $300- well under, it's $110). Now I just need to finish dealing with the Cambodian visa application, buy a few things (like a lock for my backpack), and research how to do a cool boat trip in Cambodia and Denmark, and then I'll be all set (other than the daunting task of packing).

One out of the 5 people came through and one other is coming along slowly. The other 2, still waiting...

Got a memo under my door the other day saying that one of the two elevators will be out of service most of next week. They told us they thanked us for our cooperation (like we have a choice) and to plan accordingly (like what? leave 45 minutes before you need to be out the door instead of the usual 15-20? and not to plan on moving next week even though that's the date you planned on moving since you won't be able to use an elevator?).

My heating/cooling unit isn't working again (running whether it's on or off but not blowing any air). No one's here to fix it until next week.

Had an unpleasant dream Thursday morning (Paula and Harvey doing stupid things), but that got me up plenty early to have a long day (good, since I had a ridiculous amount to do, bad since I was so tired for most of it).

Dealing with travel stuff on Thursday was crazy:
- try 3 different places to get a photo for the visa application- the first place no longer exists, the second place's printer was broken, the third place had to retake the picture 3 times because they screwed up the first 2 times, which took a while
- print visa application
- photocopy and fax copy of passport to travel agent
- email back and forth with travel agent
- find and book hotel for Copenhagen

Thursday's traffic issues:
- a truck drove up on the curb where I was waiting since that was the only way he could make the turn without waiting a few seconds- I jumped out of the way and landed on the guy behind me.
- I couldn't cross my street to go home. The walk signal lit, I started to cross, all the traffic turned in front of me and I couldn't make it across before the light changed- I had to go back to the corner, walk down to Lex, and cross the street there in between looking behind me to make sure no one was going to hit me and looking in front of me to make sure I wouldn't bump into anyone/anything.

Got to play a game with Andy Thursday night. I needed that- complete blockage of the outside world. Made me a little dizzy, trying to find words quickly (it was a word game- anyone know of any good, free multi-player games out there? it'd be nice to know of other options), but it was worth it. Love you, A.

So on Thursday, after the travel nonsense, class, more travel nonsense, work, and games, I got back to work for a few hours. Thursday was non-stop from early morning until early morning on Friday. And even though I was planning on sleeping in a bit on Friday, I wound up only getting 4 hours of sleep. Why? Because I had a snake nightmare (it wouldn't leave me alone) that woke me up.

Friday was busy with work and the "Machinal" paper (read some good articles but still no clue how to use the information).

Woke up from another nightmare this morning. This is getting old.

Today, I've spent almost the whole day on the "Machinal" paper. Still not getting anywhere other than reading some fairly interesting quotes from the real Ruth Snyder trial (on which the play was based). What information can you use to prove a play should be in a particular canon and how do you structure the argument?

Talked to Andy briefly tonight, and he mentioned Mother's Day. Is (almost) everyone I know in the minority, or do most people not really celebrate Mother's Day? Most people I know don't celebrate that or Halloween or 4th of July or any other holiday other than Christmas, New Years, and some Jewish holidays. Personally, I think they're all silly. I enjoy having family/friends togetherness time, but don't see the point of actually doing holiday-related things. Birthdays too. It's nice to get together, but why does it have to be for a specific reason? And then there's all the present buying. These days it seems all about quantity instead of quality/meaningfulness. Personally, it's enough pressure trying to come up with gifts twice a year (or even once). I can't imagine having to do presents for the same people so often unless I did generic-type gifts like gift certificates.

Had an interesting conversation about the Fair Tax with Josh tonight. It sounds great for people like me, but if there were enough people like me (who don't buy a lot of stuff, especially a lot of new stuff), the government would be in worse shape than it's in now. But I don't see it going into practice in my lifetime.

Just got a nasty email from a "coworker" as a reply to my very polite email. I have no idea how to respond to it. Why are so many people like this?

And another growing trend is people only responding to one question even though there may be 2 or more questions. Do people not finish reading emails or do they just not care? And every time I call people that do this (since I think I'll have better luck with responses over the phone than through email), they tell me to email my questions/comments. So now I'm trying to email only one question at a time. Then things wind up taking 2-3 times as long as it should.

Okay, back to work.

May 12 2:00 PM
Listening to: Drivin' N' Cryin'- "Wrapped in Sky"
Site of the Day: NationStates (create your own nation)
Interesting News Story of the Day: Twists And Twangs
US Airways Strives to Raise On-Time Rate
Wanted: Responsible Demagoguery
Laura Bush's Mission Accomplished
Equalization of City Schools Is Abandoned
Of Two Minds
Elderly patients throw new wrinkle in marijuana debate
Republican lawmaker introduces bill to legalize medial marijuana
The War on Marijuana
Sci-Fi Cooking Tries Dealing With Reality
Washington Square Park, Haven for Eccentricity, Is Set to Fall Into Line :(
An Assertive Scientific Advisory Group Challenges Federal Policies
Sidewalk Tragedy: Student Driver Hits Child
Air France flight diverted to Maine
Retaining Wall Collapses in Upper Manhattan, Closing Highway
Railroad bridge fire disrupts NE Corridor rail service
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Sunday night/Monday morning was a serious problem in the sleeping department. I was tired around 10:00 PM but was still busy doing stuff that I wanted to finish and not leave for the morning. By the time I finished at midnight, I wasn't tired anymore. I got in bed around 12:30 but hadn't fallen asleep by 2:00, so I got up. Got back in bed around 4:30 and didn't fall asleep for another 2 hours. Then traffic woke me up at 8:00, which was good since I did need to be up but bad because it was such an unpleasant way to wake up (one emergency vehicle was stuck on my block for 10 minutes, screaming at people to move their vehicles to the right, which they didn't because they didn't want to lose their place in the traffic queue- it was awful- and meanwhile, a building probably burnt to a crisp waiting for the fire department to make it across my street). So I woke up later than planned and exhausted and wound up rearranging my schedule for Monday. Even with skipping things, I still was under pressure to get things done, and the outside world didn't help with that (delayed subway trains, clueless retail employees...). I was also faint much of the afternoon/evening, so I skipped a few errands.

Haven't mentioned recently how illogical Hunter's class schedule is (in addition to their semester scheduling, with Mondays following a Thursday schedule or Fridays following a Tuesday schedule and having 1-2 extra weeks than most schools and having finals in the evening before Christmas Eve, making it extremely difficult for people to travel for the holidays...). Their class schedule is ridiculous. There are Monday/Thursday classes, Monday/Wednesday/Thursday classes, Monday/Wednesday classes, Tuesday/Wednesday classes, Tuesday/Friday classes... And even with the inconvenient scheduling, they still offer most requirements at the exact same times or overlapping times so it takes forever to take all requirements and eventually graduate. So for the fall semester (which, according to my records, should be my last semester- hopefully they won't make any trouble for me), I had the choice between going 4 days a week with a slightly easier instructor for 1 of the classes or going 3 days a week with an instructor who gives a lot of work. I chose the latter. Hope that was the lesser of the two evils.

Tuesday was a repeat of Monday, with the tiredness, except 50 times worse. I was so exhausted, I didn't feel human. I can't only sleep a few hours/night anymore- very frustrating, to need more sleep after being used to having more waking hours to take care of things. I skipped more errands, so now I have even more errands to take care of at some point (hopefully this weekend).

There were cops all over my neighbourhood when I got home Tuesday night. They were blocking my street for some reason, they and didn't let me through until I showed them my license to prove I lived on that block and needed to get through. No clue what was going on (too scared to ask the cop- I was lucky I got through without more trouble than I had).

Then when I was about to go to sleep Tuesday night (early, since I was still really exhausted), I had trouble breathing. That scared me enough to call 911. The ambulance got through to me eventually (they had some trouble with both traffic and the cops blocking the street). The paramedics were not very helpful. They took my pulse and blood pressure, neither of which were very high. Then they told me to get my stuff together to go to the hospital. They didn't answer any of my questions. They didn't help me get my stuff together even though I was faint and still was having trouble breathing. They didn't help me in the ambulance. In fact, the guy sitting in the back with me was playing games on his PDA on the ride to the hospital and ignored any questions I asked. Then they left me in the lobby of the emergency room. I got into triage quickly, where they took my pulse and blood pressure again and also did an EKG- all checked out fine. Then they left me back in the lobby. I sat there from 11:30 until 3:00. I checked back with them a few times to see how long I'd have to wait, and they said they didn't know. There were other people in front of me, all with the same level of urgency. I was still feeling horrible. Some of the time, I was just exhausted and couldn't breathe well. Some of the time my chest hurt. Some of the time my throat felt like it was closing up and I couldn't swallow. Some of the time my mouth was completely dry. Some of the time my legs and lips were numb. No one would answer questions of how to feel better while sitting in the lobby. They finally brought me into the emergency room, where they told me to sit on the free bed (there were beds randomly placed throughout the room- everyone could see everyone else being treated and see the doctors and nurses doing things other than helping patients). At 3:30, they drew blood and did a chest x-ray. Then I sat on the bed until 6:00. At 6:00, the doctor told me my chest x-ray was fine but the bloodwork got messed up and they'd have to do it again. So they drew more blood and left me sitting for a while again. I was told I wouldn't have to wait long since the shift change was at 7:00, and they'd have to finish with me by then. In the meantime, a diabetic man who was having a seizure got brought in. The receptionist asked for medical help with him, and no one moved. They were all busy on a break. Finally the receptionist told a specific nurse to go get the man, and she rolled her eyes and said she was tired of the incompetency in this hospital (this was Cornell, by the way- a little further than Lennox Hill, but after the nightmare I had there, I asked the paramedics to take me to Cornell). Finally a doctor (1 of the 2 who were working that day) came to help the man and the nurse left to finish her potato chips. Then the receptionist told that nurse she had another patient, to which she responded, "Fine, give him to me. I'll just let him sit there." No one would answer my questions or tell me if there was anything to do to feel better while I was waiting. Everyone treated me as if I was a problem, taking time away from their breaks rather than look at me as someone who was feeling miserable and scared and needed help. From the time I called 911 to the time I left, I told myself to stay calm and that I was fine and I would feel better soon. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew I wasn't dying. Nothing I told myself made me feel any better. The most helpful person in that ER was the guy who was cleaning the place. He stopped his work to ask if he could get me a blanket (something I had asked a few nurses at various times, but they all ignored me). Then he came by as he was leaving to tell me he hoped I would feel better soon. Very nice man. At 7:30, the doctor came over to tell me my bloodwork looked fine and to call my doctor to follow up with him since they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Then they sent me home.

So I still have no idea what's wrong with me. I just know that aside from feeling faint and lightheaded and often have trouble breathing, I'm extremely healthy. My new theory is allergies/sinus problems. But I'm so busy in the next few weeks before my trip, I don't have time to look into it. I'll look into it when I get home at the end of June. This has been a problem since last summer, so I don't think it'll be a big deal waiting a little longer. I just have to try to get enough sleep since it seems to be worse when I'm exhausted. My biggest problem will be studying for finals and packing for 2 nights and then not sleeping on a plane the next night and then having 2 long days of auctions. Maybe I'll be able to get enough rest on the plane and can sleep well enough the week I'll be in Lugano. I'm a little nervous about feeling awful at some point on my trip, but maybe I'll get lucky and I'll feel okay the whole time. I don't know what else I can do. No one has told me of anything I can do. I haven't read about anything I can do. This is beyond frustrating- feeling awful and not being able to do anything about it. I am going to continue taking allergy medicine even though it doesn't work. And I'll bring the stuff on my trip. Maybe I'll buy a few different ones to see if any of them will help even a little bit.

I got home from the hospital on Wednesday around 8:00 AM and fell asleep by 9:00 AM. I slept on and off until 6:00 PM. Then I got up, took care of a few things, and got back in bed around 1:30 AM and fell asleep by 2:00. Then I slept until noon today. It was always traffic waking me up at various points- it's been awful the past few days (and is currently really awful). I still feel tired and still have trouble breathing on and off. I didn't go to class last night or today. I got a little bit of work done last night and a little bit today. Tonight I need to get back to work on my "Machinal" paper, which I need to finish this weekend (I'm going to try to finish it by Saturday so I can use Sunday for other urgent things). Then I'll hopefully go to bed early and sleep in tomorrow.

Slept Thursday night/Friday morning from 2:00 AM till 1:00 PM. And I was tired most of the day.

That night/morning I had a dream that I was in a Vegas-like resort. I was trying to go somewhere to be alone and decided on a trashy restaurant/bar. To get there, the only way I could find was through a waterpark. It was a kiddie ride, and I went down the slide and scraped my knee because it was too shallow and I was too big. I went to the front desk of the restaurant and asked if they had band-aids, and they did not. I got upset that they wouldn't have band-aids right near a water slide. Then I saw Neil, Maxine, and Abby, but I didn't want to see them, so I tried to hide. Neil eventually saw me, and he said they were going to eat in the restaurant and that I should join them. I said I needed to find band-aids, so I went out the door (there was another door without having to deal with the waterpark) and saw George, Larry, and Davitt hanging out (can't believe Larry was in my dream- I only met him once about 5 years ago- but it made sense for him to be in that group). Then I woke up.

Friday night I slept 7 hours.

The heating/cooling unit in the living room was frozen. Water leaked all over the floor- that was a mess. They said they'd come to fix it maybe on Monday. They didn't. So I'm still waiting.

Saturday I caught up on errands (got a lot of stuff for my trip) and then went to Caracas for dinner before going to see a Dada performance at Theatre for the New City. The performance was okay.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The Village is New York, Midtown is the suburbs. I still like the West Village more than the East, but I do like the gritty aspects of the East. And it's wonderful to walk a few blocks and not see any chains.

Speaking of chains, Dunkin Donuts is now taking over my neighbourhood. I've seen 8 grand openings in the past week. And I hate how they come in batches- Subway, Bank of America, Wachovia, now Dunkin Donuts. Pretty soon, there won't be an original place left in this area.

Another 10 hours of sleep Saturday night- I hope this doesn't become a habit , since I won't be able to sleep more than 5-7 hours a night anywhere while I'm away (as well as several nights in the next 2 weeks).

The creators of Blue Flower have a new show coming up. Unfortunately the performance is June 25, the day before I get home, so I can't go, but anyone in the area should definitely go (it's at Joe's Pub). Fortunately, Jim sent me an email (a really nice email, by the way) saying they'll be setting up more performances later in the summer :)

The New York Times has slowly deteriorated. They've changed around their op-eds, the travel section is getting weaker and weaker, and their investigative reporting/analysis has gotten weaker as well. My new regular paper of choice is the Washington Post. I have issues with them too, but they're better than The Times these days.

Waiting for the advisor in the student services office for 2.5 hours was a bit extreme. I barely had enough time to grab a bagel after I left there before I had to get to class. And I found up they screwed up something on my transcript, so I'll have to find more time at some point to get that fixed- rather than giving me credit for group 3 of the humanities requirement (which is logically what the class indicates), they gave me credit for group 3 of all the requirements (a foreign language, which clearly doesn't make sense)- but rather than rely on the powers that be to have common sense, which they do not have a shred of, I'll have to go back to the classics department and try again to have it clear on my transcript, the way it should have been to begin with. I also need to take my high school transcript to student services to get the foreign language credit straightened out. Hopefully that will go smoothly and they won't decide I need 4 semesters of a foreign language in order to graduate. Logically, they shouldn't do that, but at Hunter, land of illogical incompetentness, you never know.

Yesterday I woke up with my throat and chest burning. Then it went away around noon. At 3:00, I was tired and sitting hunched over, and my stomach (near my ribs) spasmed for a second. That was scary. I felt that one other time in bed a few months ago. Then I just felt tired and lightheaded the rest of the afternoon/evening along with my right eye spasming on and off (no clue why- nothing like that has ever happened before).

Got in bed last night at 11:30 feeling pretty awful. From midnight till 1:30, I felt better but wasn't tired. Then at 1:30 I started feeling really awful. I had stomach spasms a few times. I told myself I was tired and really needed to get to sleep. I did eventually, I think around 3:00 AM. Woke up at noon feeling tired and my eye was still spasming (the eye spasms just stopped about 10 minutes ago). Then at 1:00 PM, I got an ocular migraine (lasted about 30 minutes). Today I'm starting to laugh at all my problems. I feel like all of me is breaking down like a used car, but unlike cars, I can't trade myself in for a new model.

Last night when I was feeling really awful, I was thinking about seeing if I could cancel my trip. I'm still feeling that way now, but I want to talk to my doctor first- waiting for a call from him. If he doesn't call back by 3:30 or 4:00, I'll call again.

As I'm writing this, the technicians are here trying to fix my heating/cooling unit. They just told me they have to go a new part, so they're going downstairs to see if they have it and will get back to me "ASAP".

The technicians never came back- guess they didn't have the part I need. Hopefully they'll be back tomorrow or at least sometime this week. Fortunately, it's not particularly cold or hot right now, so I don't need air in my living room. I'd open the window if traffic wasn't so damn loud.

May 20 10:00 PM
Listening to: Moody Blues- "In Search of the Lost Chord"
Site of the Day: TinyURL
Interesting News Story of the Day: HBO's Carnivale Packs Up Its Tents :(
House Bill to Ease Stem Cell Curbs Gains Momentum
Fatal Car Accident as Car Slams into Subway Pillar
Brutal Car Accident on the West Side
WCBS reporter fired for obscenity
Tired of Being Razzed, Bronx Cheers Its Food
Most Improved Pasta
Quarter Pounder With Keys
Second House Explosion in Two Days
Eleven Injured In Brooklyn Building Collapse
Five Car Accident Closed BQE in Early Morning Commute
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Tuesday night I felt okay on and off. I played games with Andy for a bit, that was fun. My doctor called me at 10:45 PM (still amazed at his quality of customer service). He said to call Wednesday morning and they'd try to squeeze me in.

Woke up Wednesday morning feeling normal (although really did not appreciate the completely obnoxious construction banging as an alarm clock- of course it stopped as soon as I got out of bed- I swear, they time these things around me).

But the rest of Wednesday went well. I got a little furthur in the things-to-work-out-before-I-can-graduate issue (I remember the classics department was the easiest department to deal with, and they didn't fail me this time- she quickly filled out another transfer evaluation and did it in a way that the idiots in admissions will be sure to enter correctly- I'll find out in 4 weeks from them). I also printed everything I'll need for my trip (travel itineraries, hotel confirmations, train reservations...). Both of those things went smoothly. And I paid my fall semester bill- that went smoothly too (after them not being available the last time I went, and the huge line of people the time before that, I appreciated the easy transaction). Then I went to the end of the year theatre department party for an hour. Saw some people get awards and talked to a few people about department stuff. Then, it was off to the doctor. I got there early (had a 3:30 appointment but got there at 3:00) and planned to sit and read a magazine or something, but he saw me a few minutes after I got there- amazing. After doing a few tests, ruling out other things, and talking for a bit, he decided I have anxiety and prescribed a low dose of Lorazepam. It's the kind of medication that either works right away or doesn't (nice that I don't have to wait weeks to find out). I took some at 4:30, and by 5:00, I felt fine. Thought it could have been a coincidence, since no medication (anti-biotics, pain relievers, allergy medicine...) has ever worked for me. It's the kind of medication that you take on an as needed basis, so if I figured if I felt awful that night, I'd take it again and see what happens. Foruntately, I didn't really need to take it again. Supposedly it causes drowsiness (it warns against driving while taking it- what do people in areas where they need to drive do?), but I haven't felt particularly drowsy, so maybe it's a low enough dose that drowsiness won't be an issue (which is really important). Anyway, after filling and taking the prescription, I went to the last lighting class. We went around the room talking about our plans for the future. Very interesting, listening to everyone's creative ideas (interning at festivals, working on movies, auditions, grad schools...). I, of course, had to lie about my plans. I said I planned on getting a Masters in Education and teaching. Sometimes I really wish I could do that, but I'm just not a teacher. One-on-one tutoring- yes, teaching- no. I wonder how many other people lied- probably some of those who said they were going to be auditioning have no real concrete plans and will be waiting tables or something for a while. Then on the way home, I ran into one of the men in the lighting class. He's also older (43), so we had a nice talk about the differences between going to school at 18 and going at an older age. Nice to have someone to walk part of the way home with. So yes, Wednesday wasn't a bad day.

Wednesday night I fell asleep around 3:00 AM and slept until noon.

Woke up Thursday feeling fine, dealt with some packing/organising for my trip, and then around 2:30, I started feeling awful, so I took a Lorazepam. Felt better (except for a few minutes in the early evening) the rest of the day/night. I didn't get drowsy. I did get twitchy again though (felt twitchy Wednesday and Thursday nights)- fortunately, it doesn't last long, maybe about 30 minutes. I have to admit, this stuff is amazing. I can't believe something so tiny and with such a low dose can help so much. Especially in someone like me, who has never had any type of medication work. I'm going to call my doctor on Monday to ask a few more questions about it (mainly, can I get a refill to include enough for my upcoming trip and how long should I be taking it and what happens after I stop taking it).

My neighbour to the left of me moved out today- very noisy. Hope the next resident isn't too horrible.

Today was a work and study for finals day. Very busy. Every day will be like this until I leave on Thursday- then it will be a different kind of busy.

Got my Cambodian visa today- another thing that went smoothly. Now I'm all ready to go (aside from some last minute packing- I packed everything I don't need in the next few days already).

Sleeping more than I'm used to is forcing me to reorganise my schedule a lot and to drop more things (like work- haven't done much of that recently, fortunately, I'll be working a lot in June, and I haven't been doing much cleaning/organising of the apartment, I also didn't finish researching for the "Machinal" paper but wrapped it up anyway and turned it in on time- it's bad but I don't care, I haven't made other doctor appointments, and I'm ignoring a lot of details for my trip and just hoping I can deal with them once I'm there- Eurail decided to send me a decent phone card with my Copenhagen train reservations, so that's one less thing I'll have to worry about once I'm there).

I found out about doing a month-to-month lease once my current lease run out, and their answer actually suited me (I was in shock). They said I can do month to month under the current price as long as I don't move out around Christmas. I asked about moving out in January, and they said that was fine. That completely works out in my favour. I so didn't want to try to pack at the same time as finishing up the fall semester and then move between Christmas and New Years. Now I can take my time packing and moving in January.

Oh, and I had an adventure dream involving rivers and other transporting experiences last night- wish I could remember more of it.

May 21 8:00 PM
Listening to: Jethro Tull- "Roots to Branches"
Site of the Day: Who You Should Know (a new world leader every weekday)
Interesting News Story of the Day: Lawmakers Introduce Legislation to Ensure Pharmacies Fill All Dr. Prescriptions
Bill reintroduced today in Congress by Rep. Maloney would cut off tax breaks for businesses using clubs that discriminate
By Siem Reap's Ruins, a New Night Scene (one reason why I'm going to Phnom Penh instead)
Is Passengers' Romance With JetBlue Cooling?
China Opens Travel to Taiwan
Time Warner May Consider AOL Spinoff
Stem Cell Issue Divides On Hill
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Friday night's dream: I went back to my Cedarcroft apartment to try to find some stuff (I dreamed that once before- I don't think I really left anything there in real life but my dreams suggest otherwise- maybe in my dreams, I confuse that with the stuff I left in my Bolton Hill apartment). The current residents were squatters, but they thought they had more right to be there than I had. I tried to remember the name of my landlord to prove that I used to live there, but I couldn't remember her name. Perri from elementary school was there too (bizarre person to have in a dream)- she lived nearby or something. We all wound up hanging out for a while. The next part of dream I was at a shopping mall (clearly a dream) where I ran into the squatters. There were cops everywhere. I was walking all over the mall, trying to find a way out to get away from the cops, but I was having trouble walking a normal speed (my feet were dragging, like they wanted to get caught by the cops). I finally made it outside and tried to find my car. I looked everywhere- walked up and down muddy hills and across streets- couldn't find the car. Finally I asked a woman sitting in her car if she would mind driving me around to find my car. I think she was going to say yes, but then there was a lightning storm and I was back with the squatters. That's all I remember.

I've had trouble getting motivated today. I did a bit of studying, a bit of cleaning, dealt with the mail, and a few odds and ends. I really should have been more productive. Maybe I'll get a second wind later tonight.

I'm not worried about my lighting final. I made notes for everything, and I'll just need to memorise them on Tuesday and Wednesday. But the world theatre final, that's next to impossible. We'll have to study about 100 concepts for short answer questions (she'll give us 20- hopefully she'll give ones I'll know enough about) and 4 general topics (she'll give us 2). The general topics are:
1. reality & theatricality
2. interculturalism
3. theatre & politics
4. the actor and the audience
We'll have to come up with our own thesis and several examples for each essay. I really hope she has the last topic on the exam since I can probably write the most about that one. So far I've come up with a general thesis and a bare-bones outline for 1. (different playwrights mixing reality & theatricality), 3. (different techniques for avoiding governmental censorship), and 4. (different theorists' & directors' ideas for involving the audience in unique ways). Interculturalism- I've got nothing. And I have a strong feeling that will be on the exam. I get the general idea of interculturalism but can't apply it to anything we've read. Hopefully I'll get some kind of idea tomorrow.

We're finally having a thunder storm after some almost-storms last week. Traffic's not happy. In fact, traffic's been a mess all day, with the 2 construction sites each blocking off a lane (so only one lane heading east and one heading west). Still, traffic was worse yesterday, with all lanes open. It was a constant jam in my intersection and emergency vehicles were trying to get through every 15-20 minutes all day and night, including a 30 police car caravan heading east. Actually, there was a 20 police car caravan Thursday night as well. No clue what's been going on.

I remember before the last person in the apartment next to me moved in, the place was vacant for a few weeks. I remember thinking it wasn't vacant since I heard some loud people partying there a couple times. Well, I think those people might be back. Maybe they're friends of someone who works here, and they tell them when there's a vacant apartment available to party in and give them the keys (kind of reminicent of my dream the other night- weird that I would dream about squatters and a thunder storm one night and experience both the next day). I didn't actually hear anyone last night, but I could smell pot in my kitchen, and when I opened my door a crack, the smell was particularly fragrant in the hallway. I might have thought about joining them if I still smoked- smelled like good stuff.

Ran a few errands this afternoon and almost got hit by 3 cars at once (all trying to turn onto Lex from 57th). And that was after seeing an accident- cab hit a limo- they were screaming at each other as I walked by. And all morning/afternoon has been particularly obnoxious honking- literarlly non-stop. And I figured out what the deal is with cars turning into pedestrians. They give the pedestrians a chance at the very beginning of the light cycle. After the majority of pedestrians go across, then they decide they don't have to wait for anymore people and can turn whenever they want even though the walk sign is lit for a while after that. And I can see why it's especially a problem on a two-way street. The cars trying to turn finally find a break in traffic, only to be stopped by pedestrians crossing a few feet after their partial turn. So if you're not at the corner to cross just as the light changes, you risk getting hit. That needs to stop!

Still trying the studying thing- having a difficult time getting motivated to make a serious effort with the essays. I have started memorising details for the short answers though:
- Freie Buhne- Germany, Otto Brahm, subscription theatre, naturalism...
- Theatre Libre- Paris, Zola, subscription theatre, naturalism...
- Russian Constructivism- Exter, Meyerhold, biomechanics...
- Russian Futurism- Mayakovsky, nonsense poetry, strived to offend the audience, erase the past/embrace the future...
- Italian Futurism- Marinelli, against elitist art, focused on mechanics and motion, erase the past/embrace the future...
- Theatre of Cruelty- Artaud, against naturalistic theatre, words were a barrier for communication, interested in sounds/noise/gestures, wanted to release stuff people surpress, spontaneous instead of rehearsed, site-specific performances with audience in the middle of it...
- Theatre of the Oppressed- Boal, started in Brazil to deal with local problems, improvised performances in different environments (restaurants, streets, etc.), led to Legislative Theatre helping to change laws...
- Different types of intercultural theatre- completely foreign performance for the audience (ex. traditional Noh theatre performing in New York), assimilation of foreign performance structure (ex. Yeats' performances in Ireland with the Noh structure but in the English language), blending foreign elements with familiar elements (ex. Moliere using Italian Commedia dell'Arte for his own French plays), using some foreign elements within familiar structures (ex. M Butterfly's Asian dance within it's Western structure)...

Today's been an attempt-to-organise-a-crazy-work-situation day. So many questions, so few answers. They need to get sorted out in the next few days though, so I hope the right people figure out how to do the right things by the right time. I'll be surprised if only 2-3 things wind up going wrong. If only 2 or 3 things go wrong, I'll consider it a success. Sad.

Now I'll do a quick haircut before getting back to studying.

By the way, they still haven't come back to fix my heating/cooling unit.

May 23 4:30 PM
Listening to: Jethro Tull- "Nightcap"
Site of the Day: Subliminal Messages
Interesting News Story of the Day: Two Dead, Two Critical in Fatal Accident (are these articles helping the city make any changes?)
Police Have New Lead in Hit and Run
Woman killed crossing street
Update 1: Thousands of BBC Workers Begin Strike
EU, China head for textile export dispute
Chinese Deputy PM Abruptly Cancels Meeting With Japanese PM
Sarcasm Center of the Brain Located by Researchers
Sharon sets Israeli terms before Abbas visits U.S.
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I emailed Dieter to remind him to bring the Tull ticket to Zurich, and he replied right away saying it was already packed. He's one of the few semi-reliable people I know- as opposed to hundreds of unreliable people I know.

As usual, incompetent people made tremendous complications that could have easily been avoided had they done the right things to begin with (and this was after they assured us they were 100% on top of everything). Why are the majority of people so stupid?

I called my doctor today to discuss the Lorazepam. He said it was fine to take it for a few more weeks and will leave a prescription for a refill at his New York office that I can pick up on Wednesday (he called the pharmacy where I filled it the last time, but they said they didn't have a pharmacist when he called- more incompetency- so I'll have to get the prescription and take it to get filled- Wednesday's the only time I have to do that, so it has to go smoothly). Then I made an appointment with him for June 29th to discuss what I can do long term.

The next few days have jam-packed schedules. I hate doing things like this since there's always the chance of delays in public transportation (thus, screwing up my schedule), but I have no choice. There are just too many things to do before I leave on Thursday, and none of them could have been done any earlier. And all those things are in between studying for 2 finals. I knew this would be a busier-than-busy time.

On that note, a bientot, my dear readers. I probably won't update until I get home at the end of June.

Okay, I lied again. Just wanted to mention a New York moment: I was waiting for the train at Union Square, coming back from Williamsburg (which was nice, by the way- got a lot of studying done in a pleasant environment), and there were some men playing some African tribal music. Everyone got into it- they gave one girl a tambourine, let another boy play the bongos, MTA employees were dancing, commuters walking by were grooving and smiling, others were standing around and watching... It was very communal. Then the train came. It was crowded. Everyone pushed and shoved to get on. The peaceful, happy moment ended.

Okay, now I probably won't write again until I get home (unless I find a minute or two while I'm away).

Yep, I lied again. Just had to mention how smoothly today went. I was completely relying on outside forces to work smoothly and quickly, because I had (and still have) a million things to do. And everything went smoothly (even transportation). The rain didn't even get me until the last few blocks of my last walk. It was FREEZING and WINDY though, and I was not dressed as warmly as I should have been. It's the end of May, why do we need winter coats?

Just got home from an easy lighting final. I know he'll decide I didn't write enough, but I'm consise- couldn't have done it much differently. Besides, he'll barely read them and already semi-decided our grades already.

Got to watch most of Jeopardy while running around taking care of little things. It was the $2 million final, featuring Ken Jennings. Not only am I glad Ken didn't win, I was particularly happy with the winner- Brad's not only smart but adorable as well and looks like a genuinely nice person. And Jerome did not look like a particularly nice person. What was with that obnoxious tone when answering some of the questions?

Okay, now I really need to study for as long as possible tonight for tomorrow's next-to-impossible world theatre final, in between packing, straightening, and hopefully having some dinner.

Plane was an hour late- arrived close to ontime. The Swiss Air plane actually had individual screens- so I played a little trivia with the woman next to me. Lynn, a teacher from Knoxville- definitely not a typical American, which was nice. We played trivia, talked about travel and other things. First time I actuallz had a pleasant person next to me on a flight. What a pleasure. Didn�t even need to use up mz limited reading material since i was either talking or dozing the whole time.

But I arrived in Geneva exhausted and with a sore throat.

Flight from Geneva to Zurich was a little late. A full-fledged cold\flu kicked in. Work was slow with some technology problems but was an extremely successful sale.

I'm tired of feeling broken- allergies, colds, flu, injuries, anxiety... I couldn't even fight this cold. I woke up on the plane with it- no warning signs. And I'd been taking C and ecchinacea- obviously no use.

Tomorrow's gonna be 100 times as long and more exhausting than today- I don't know if I should take the anxiety medication or cold medication- can't take both. Leaning toward anxiety since stuff for colds never work anyway. On that note, going to trz to fall asleep now. It's 23:00.

Oh, but first, I feel like I was just in Zurich a few weeks ago instead of 7 months ago. I know where everything is and everything feels familiar (convenient when I'm feeling like a zombie- don't have to try to figure out anything new).

Long, long, long, very, very good sale. Me- very high fever, feel awful.

By the way: first night of sleep- midnight - 3:00, woke up from nightmare, then slept every 30-45 minutes for a few hours, then the phone work me up- client calling my room to figure out where everyone else was supposed to be (why the hotel staff couldn't help him is beyond me). Second night of sleep- 5:00-9:00.

Rode with Silvia from Zurich to Lugano. Beautiful ride but going through the Alpes with a cold- not fun. My head felt like it would explode any minute.

There's a nice restaurant right next to my hotel- very convenient. And my room has a view of the lake with the mountain behind it. Beautiful. It's touristy but not too crowded. And it's a 15 minute walk to the office- convenient again.

I'm at the restaurant now. Should have brought something to read, but since I didn't, I'll sit here and write to give me something to do. Which of course means more to type later, but that's okay (actually, typing this here in Lugano, it's not so okay, with the different keyboard layout, it's taking longer than usual to type). However, I really don't have much to say. My fever's a bit lower than yesterday, but I still feel awful. Maybe this food will help a bit- havent eaten since a croissant and juice at breakfast. That was at 9:30. It's now 18:30. I mentioned the beautiful ride to lugano, but I didn't mention how fortunate we were to be going south instead of north at the end of a holidaz weekend. There was a TON of traffic heading north. And at the 17km tunnel, I was very happy not to wait in the huge line to get through it. If I were a European looking to head south on a holidaz weekend, I would take the train. Of course, if I were a European but still myself, I'd either staz home or head in a non-touristy direction on a holiday weekend. This gnocchi- very good. Maybe instead of being adventuous, I'll come back here tomorrow night and try something else. I can be adventurous another night since I'll be here 6 nights. Had a nice talk with Silvia in the car about work, politics, culture, etc. We have similar opinions. Didn't take long- I've started to pick up the Italian tone- being around Silvia, Sonia, and Nadia for a couple of days. If onlz I could pick up the language. Would have been nice to study a language or 3 growing up. I consider people learning languages as children very lucky.

Okay, time to take a walk, read a bit, and hopefully go to bed early.

23:00- Took a walk, read a bit, and just wanted to write one more thing. A man at the auction commented that he thought I was Harvey's granddaughter. Now I know I look young, but so does Harvey. And someone else asked me when I enter University. And someone else offered me a pain reliever\fever reducer (since i was so ill) but warned me it was for adults so mazbe I should only take half. Yes, I like looking young and hope I continue looking zounger than my age, but I get so sick of these comments. I didn't like being treated like a child when I was a child, and I really don't like it now.

IT's now 6;30. I didn`t sleep. Tried a few times but it never happened. Read a book, watched too much crappy CNN, and took an hour walk as soon as it got light. Now I'm waiting for breakfast to open. Hopefully coffee will work if I get tired in the afternoon but won't work too well so I can sleep tonight.

I've now seen every last nook and cranny of Central Lugano and can say it's really not my kind of place. Some of the architecture is nice, but it's reallz just typical shops and restaurants all over the place. The only thing I'm interested in is the bookstore (since i'm devouring what i brought and just started my trip)- maybe I can go during lunch to pick something up today.

20;00- Today was a "getting rid of glitches" day. Most things got worked out bz early evening and tomorrow we should get a lot done. Physically, I had a rough day, between the no sleep, bad cramps, and getting-better-but-still-a-problem cold. Shouldn't have trouble getting to sleep early tonight. I'll try soon. I got lost on the way back to the hotel tonight, so that extra walking will probably clinch the falling-asleep-early thing. i think I walked a total of about 4-5 miles today.

Oh, I went to the bookstore today- got "Blue Flower" (because of Weimarband) and "Curse of the Singles Table" (because it looked like not-so-horrible light reading). Last night I mostly enjoyed Neil Gaiman's "Stardust" (a few unanswered, ball-dropped type questions but otherwise, a fun read). I'd never been to a bookstore with an "English Books" section. It was odd seeing Faulkner mixed in with Michael Moore mixed in with J.K. Rowling mixed in with Agatha Christie.

And one little thing I prefer about the U.S. than other countries? Window screens. I can't remember ever seeing window screens anzwhere except the U.S. It's a bit cooler outside here in Lugano (it's been very hot all over Switzerland), but my room is still a stuffy oven. I'd love to open the window, but when I did that yesterday for a few seconds, 25 mosquitos and the like flew in (still getting rid of some now, 24 hours later). So yes, the US (other than Manhattan, and mazbe some other places I don't know about) believes in window screens and this is a good thing.

20:00- My left foot (the one that was injured about a year ago) is killing me (probably from too much walking yesterday). Will try to keep it to the 30 minutes a day- to and from the office. After that, my foot will just have to deal with mz gallavanting all over the rest of the places I'll be in for the rest of the trip.

Decided to go back to the restaurant next to the hotel tonight- too tired to walk anzwhere else (even though it's only a block or 2 to other places). Last night I was so completelz tired, I just picked up some juice and a yoghurt from a market and brought it back to my room. Then I got upset about a few things (work and personal related- not going to get into it now) and that woke me up. Instead of going to sleep around 21:00, I didn't fall asleep until around midnight. Oh well, I felt better today anyway.

I'm about 80 pages into "Curse of the Singles Table", and other than a few cute moments and the fact that she likes to travel to obscure places, it's mostly trite and typical. I'll finish it though since it's cheaper than buzing another book and I don't want to run out of reading material.

It's now 23:00, and I'm typing this at the available computer in the hotel. Two people have looked in this area in the past few minutes looking like they'd like to use the computer, so I'll stop typing now. Don't know when I'll update again. Hopefully in Germany. i'd rather not save it all until I get home- I'll have enough to do then.

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