March

I IM-ed with Josh for a bit last night (something I've been meaning to do for a while but never wanted to take the time- I had a lot to discuss with him about his life). He told me that Dot died- my old landlady and (until recently) his landlady. She had been in poor health for a while but didn't tell anyone. I guess she was in her 60's- at least that's what I assumed when I moved into her basement apartment. Except for the fact that it was in a basement and was a bit grungy and dirty, that was a great apartment. HUGE, cheap, and on a quiet dead-end street. So I really didn't get much time to get into advise on life, but it can wait for another time. He won't do anything rash in the meantime- he's not a rash kind of guy.

Lots of noise out my window last night!

So if the the trip to Scotland at the end of May works out, I thought of something to do after Kristin and her friend leave. They'll be leaving June 2nd, and I can go visit Judith and her husband in Glasgow! They're the couple I met at the Yes concert at Wolftrap last summer. Josh had met them the year before at a Yes concert. They were a fun couple and it would be good seeing them again. So I sent her an email and said she'd love to see me and that they have a sofabed! Perfect! I didn't even have to ask if I could stay there! How nice! Kristin said she'd like to end her trip in Scotland, so this should actually work out! I could spend a few days with Kristin and her friend in Edinburgh, a few days at Judith's in Glasgow, and possibly go somewhere else by myself for a few days (like Germany or something). There are still a lot of details to work out- but it looks like the trip will happen! An inexpensive trip to Europe- gotta love it!

Woke up singing "That Was Nearly Us" from "By Jeeves"- weird.

I was thinking the other day about how I've grown and changed from year to year. I thought about where I was last year and realised I haven't changed much, or maybe not even at all. Sure I know a few more things that I did before, but those things are just facts- nothing about life or anything meaningful. Then I read my journal entry from the 1st of March 2001 and reinforced that I'm in the same place now that I was then. I wrote a paragraph about being single and how I felt about that. I've been feeling those same things again for about a month now. Nothing has changed. If I'm in the same place now that I was a year ago, how am I ever going to grow into someone who is ready for a long term relationship and hopefully children? These thoughts have been occupying my thoughts quite often recently. I did realise something new about the wanting of a family though. I was emailing Andy about my feelings about family and how I would like one, and I figured out a big reason of why I want kids sooner rather than later. I would like my children to know my parents. Now both of my parents are healthy and there is no reason for them not to live a long and healthy life, but I worry about them a lot. And I know I can't force my life in a particular direction, but I will be quite upset if my children grow up not ever knowing their grandparents. I also know my mother would LOVE a grandchild. But I can't force myself into a relationship where I have a child just so she can have a grandchild. I do believe everything happens for a reason, so if my children are meant to be without grandparents (at least on my side), then it's meant to be. That would just be difficult for me and I can picture myself regretting that I didn't have children sooner. But rationally, I know that I have not met anyone with whom I would want to share my life and have a child. So I'll have to remind myself later on in life of this fact. Being in a bad relationship just so I can have a child is NOT a good idea. I will have to wait and see where my life is heading and hope that if I am meant to have children, that they get to know my parents. Okay, that was a nice rambling paragraph.

So I got to school early to print out my theatre project proposal and the play. I got there too early though- I had some time to kill before class. I found a Post lying on a seat on the 5th floor so I read that. It was nice to sit and relax and read a newspaper.

So what does our lovely theatre teacher have us do now that we wrote the damn play? Switch with another group, have each of us in our group take a role (2 actors, a director, a set designer, and a costume designer), and work on it as if we were to perform it. Well, I got stuck with the directing job- that's fine though- I said I would do anything except act. I really didn't want to act- at least not yet. Just not ready to do that in this class. So Long Island woman (I just found out her name's Elizabeth) admitted that she's a control freak and gets to be a bitch when things don't go her way. Lovely. She's one of the actors. As the two actors were doing their first read through, I made a few comments. Elizabeth of course got defensive. So I guess we'll be arguing a lot for the next class or two. The director has the final say damn it- I'll just have to get that through her head somehow. Cool chick (her name is Brook) is on my side. She tried to get Elizabeth to see that not everything can be as she wants it. Go Brook! This class is really not what I want to be doing with my time, but that's okay. I'll get through it.

After class I went food shopping! I really don't like carrying heavy bags through the city, but once in a while I just have to force myself. I guess I could get them delivered, but I never trust that they'll bring the right stuff. Maybe next time I go I'll work on my trust and get it delivered.

Oh yes, it's not too late for all you kind and generous people to get me something for my birthday next week ;)

I could have seen "The Complete Works of Shakespeare" for free on Sunday afternoon, but I decided that 6 shows in one week was plenty. There are other things I should do. That was a fun show though.

Went to see the "The Prodigal" tonight. Since the theatre is only 3 blocks from my apartment, now that I'm home, I feel like I never went anywhere. Strange feeling. The show got off to a REALLY slow start, but it improved slightly. The actors were all above average and some of the songs were moving, but in general... not a great production. And their poor accents certainly didn't help. This is the second show I've seen at the York Theatre. I'll try one more (since I already have a ticket for it), maybe try a free reading, and then if both of those are pretty bad, I'll give up. I was just excited to be able to walk three blocks to go see a show.

Nice thing I did today: Well, I tried to talk to the annoying older lady in my theatre class, but she actually didn't continue the conversation. That's a first. I can't win.

Happy March!

I knew I wouldn't sleep in today. I woke up around 7:30 and forced myself to go back to sleep. I did sleep for about another hour and had a weird dream. First, for a second, George was there. I don't remember that part anymore. Then I was on some sort of vacation in Interlocken, Switzerland (never been, but it looked pretty in my dream). There was some sort of contest going on during the trip, and at the end, they gave out prizes. I won the contest and got an interactive atlas. I liked it but didn't know how I was supposed to pack it in my suitcase. We had to get on the bus to go to the airport in less than an hour, so I ran back to my room (it was a huge hotel and took a while to get back to my room). I had been keeping my hotel key in my coat pocket and when I left my room to hear the contest winners, I didn't bring my coat since I didn't have to go outside. So I was locked out of my room. I ran back to the lobby to try to get another key, but I didn't have any ID on me either. I asked a woman at a desk if I could get a key. She asked if I had ID. When I told her no, she told me I had to wait in a long line. I told her (and anyone else who would listen) that I had to leave in 30 minutes and I wasn't packed yet. She told me with the new security measures, I had to go through this long process to get back in my room. Then the man in charge of something recognised me as the woman who won the contest. I thought that would be enough to get a room key, but it wasn't. I remember running around the hotel running into all kinds of people, some of them were characters from movies and TV, I think. Then I woke up. There were some other interesting parts, but the memory of them faded quickly after getting out of bed.

My music listening habits are getting stranger and stranger. I think there is daytime music and nighttime music and I can't listen to something during the day that should be listened to at night.

So tonight I'm seeing "The Goat". There is a lot of talk about the actual goat in this production. Supposedly they keep changing the ending- goat at the end, no goat at the end, goat wrapped in something at the end... There were even two people last night at "The Prodigal" talking about it. I am looking forward to it, I think. I'm looking forward to seeing what Albee has done and looking forward to seeing Bill Pullman live. Although, I'm less excited to see him after seeing Liam Neeson in "The Crucible". I know I shouldn't compare the two, but this was the first time I was excited about seeing a big name movie actor in a theatrical production and I was diappointed. Hopefully this won't happen again. I fell in love with Pullman's character in "While You Were Sleeping (in fact, this movie affected me so much that I refused to watch it again until I'm in a good relationship- I haven't seen it since that first time in the movie theatre). I know it's a cheesy Hollywood movie, but I'm attracted to Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman did an excellent job with his role (from what I remember- I did see it over 6 years ago). But I'm not judging his acting just from that one movie. I've seen him in other movies and loved him in those as well. So I hope seeing "The Goat" doesn't ruin my impression of him.

I just got an email from Bob (the guy who was in the production of "Side Man" I saw recently). He's going to be in "Passion"! The same weekend I'll be up there seeing "Copenhagen"! So I guess if I can't see it at the Kennedy Center, I can at least see it up in Boston. That will be a busy weekend since I'm also considering seeing "The Real Thing" as well. Wow, Stoppard, Sondheim, and Frayn in one weekend. Can I handle that?!

Don't read this paragraph if you are planning on seeing "The Goat" and want to be surprised. I enjoyed "The Goat". I like the fact that Albee took subjects many people are uncomfortable with and made them public. Sure beastiality and incest are difficult subjects to think about, but I think it's good for people to think about such things. Of course most people, at least the ones I heard coming out of the theatre, don't think about it afterwards other than to say "it's disgusting" or "it's not right" or "nothing like that should be in a theatre". Mercedes Ruehl was fantastic as was Bill Pullman. Jeffret Carleson got better as the play progressed- I think this had more to do with the script than his acting. I thought Stephen Rowe was the weakest link- although again, this probably had more to do with the script than his acting. So Albee did it again- created a play that will be talked about at cocktail parties for years to come. I know he only appeals to certain people, but I'm one of them. I really love all his plays (even "The Play About the Baby"). So I'm really glad I went!!!

Nice thing of the day (yesterday): Letting the woman at the theatre next to me take up most of my arm rest and have her leg half way over to my seat without complaining. She was a large woman. Why do large people always sit next to me? It's not like all people who go to the theatre are big, I've seen people sitting around me who are skinny.

While trying to sit comfortably at the theatre while letting the large woman sitting comfortably, I cracked my right boot's sole. I wouldn't have noticed, except it was raining last night. So as I was walking out of the theatre to the bus stop, my right foot got soaking wet. Yuck. I think I'll need to fix it. Those boots fit better than anything else I've ever found and they're casual enough to wear every day but dressy enough to wear on semi-dressy occasions.

So yesterday I looked into travel arrangements for June. Of course it all has to do where Kristin and her friend will be at the end of May, so I probably should wait until they firm up their plans, but it's so much fun to look and plan. First I looked into doing a trip to Budapest in between Edinburgh and Glasgow. Then decided the traveling part (flight connections, mainly) made it seem not worth doing. Then I looked into Zurich which had better flight options but after a quick look, couldn't find any reasonably priced place to stay. I also checked into Brussels, Hamburg, and Cologne, but decided Brussels was not a place I'm aching to see and I want to save places in Germany to do when I have more time/money. So then I thought about Ireland. Easy Jet has the cheapest fares I've ever seen! For 5 US Dollars ($24 including taxes), I could fly non-stop round trip from Edinburgh to Belfast. But I don't want to go to Belfast. Well, it's not that I don't want to go to Belfast, but I really want to go to Cork and it would be difficult to do both since they're on opposite ends of the country. Then I checked Aer Lingus and Ryan Air and both offer flights to Dublin for about the same price. I'd choose Aer Lingus since I can get miles (love the One World Alliance). So if Kristin and her friend (I need to find out the name of this friend) are in Edinburgh at the end of their trip (which I REALLY hope they are), I can hang out with them for a few days there, then fly to Dublin and spend a couple of days there, take the train to Cork and spend a few days there, then take the train back to Dublin, fly back to Edinburgh, and take the train to Glasgow (unless it's not any more expensive to fly one way from Edinburgh to Dublin and then Dublin to Glasgow) and hang out with Judith and her family for a few days before taking the train back to Edinburgh to fly home. That sounds like an awesome trip. I just have to hope that Kristin's plans work with mine.

It felt like a luxury reading The Times today. Recently, if I've made any time at all to read the news, I've felt rushed and I didn't always comprehend everything I was reading. Today was wonderful! I feel so much more informed now. I was beginning to feel really out of touch with the world.

Tonight is "De La Guarda"! But first I will have dinner and delicious margaritas at Los Dos Molinos.

Another example of how this year is exactly like last year:
On March 3, 2001- Maryland beat Virginia, I mentioned the fact that I have trouble finding clothes, and leaving going through my mail until the last minute.
On March 3, 2002- Maryland beat Virginia, I still have trouble finding clothes and leaving going through my mail until the last minute.

Woke up singing "In His Eyes" from "Jekyll & Hyde".

Every time I listen to Dave Matthews, I'm reminded of Eytan. I don't want to be reminded of Eytan right now since I think he still has issues with me (although I don't know what they are). It's depressing to lose another friend (especially since I've lost so many in my life and I don't have many left). But something wants me to listen to Dave Matthews. My CD player keeps trying to play it, but I keep changing to another random disc and won't listen to it. At the bar yesterday they played "Say Goodbye". I wanted to walk out for a few minutes and come back when it was over, but I didn't. Of all the Dave Matthews songs to play, that was the hardest. It brings memories of being at Eytan's apartment and him playing the song while forcing me to read the lyrics in the liner notes (and to not read ahead, as he always told me when making me read lyrics) and him telling me he wanted me to hear it since it reminded him of me and Terry. I agreed with him. So that song brings back memories of happy times. It was ESPECIALLY difficult to listen to a few days before my birthday- to remember times when I was a little younger and a lot more carefree about the future. And while looking through the freezer section of the grocery store the other day, I saw that Ben & Jerrys had a new flavour for Dave Matthews- One Sweet Whirled (cute). I bought it (it's good, but I wish they would leave the big chips out of some of their ice creams- they seem to have those in most of the flavours). So today I decided if something really wants me to listen to Dave Matthews (my CD player tried to play it for the third time today), I would listen. At least I don't have to listen to "Say Goodbye" again.

I went down to Union Square yesterday only to find that Los Dos Molinos was closed on Sundays and Mondays. I should yell at City Search, for posting wrong information but I probably won't take the time. So instead I sat in the park and read my magazine (it was a nice day but very windy). Then I went to Heartland Brewery for a little while.

Do not read this paragraph if you're planning on seeing "De La Guarda" and want to be surprised. The show was a lot of fun!! I thought I knew what I was in for since I've seen bits of their performance on video, but that video did NOT show everything they do! They did not, for instance, show the cast members going through the audience and doing things with and to them. Several people in the audience got to get attached to the bungee cords and go flying with one of the guys in the cast. One of the girls in the cast took wet paper and stuffed it up one of the male audience members' shirt and then jumped on his back for a piggy-back ride. One of the guys in the cast unzipped my jacket, got down on his knees and grabbed my legs, then got up and kissed my forhead. Definitely not something I expected, but it was fun. The music was wonderful! And they had such high energy. This was at 7:00 on a Sunday night. Very impressive!

Love Six Feet Under! It was so nice to see these characters again. They really do a great job of making these people so REAL!! And the writing is absoultely realistic! I'm completely impressed! I know shows always go downhill the longer they are on, I understand that writers run out of material and the acting doesn't stay as fresh, but I hope that doesn't happen to this show for a long time. At least this is only the second season. I'm a little nervous about them branching out and including minor characters' families, but hopefully the writers will write in those characters in a way that fits seemlessly. Can't wait till next week!

Today I need to go to the library to return a couple books and hopefully check out "Oedipus Rex" (since we haven't even started talking about it in class, I might as well try again to actually get a copy of it- although I doubt we'll even get to it on Tuesday since we're supposedly still working on putting together our little plays- yes, I'm trying to be demeaning). After the library, it's off to the PF for some research. I hope it doesn't take more than 2 hours since I really can't allow anymore time for it. From what I can tell, it shouldn't take more than a little over an hour (hope I'm right). After that, I'll go down about 8 blocks (that's the main reason I'm doing it- since I'll already be in the area) to the CUNY Graduate Center for a free evening of science related vaudeville (I have no idea- it just sounded cool and it combines two of my favourite things, science and music and it's free). Then I need to come home, talk to Paula, watch some of the pop-stars-sing-Broadway on Bravo (I'm not too excited about it, but I thought I'd give it a chance, and I can just have it on as background), and then do some reading for theatre that I've been putting off like a bad girl.

I've been thinking a lot about my alone time recently. I love my alone time, but I also need people time. I don't get much people time. Not as much as I'd like. The other night I got to the theatre early, so I went to have a drink across the street at Sam's. I was sitting at the bar, didn't have anything to read, so I did a lot of thinking. Thinking about how I'm always the only one sitting alone at bars and how the only city I've not been alone sitting at bars is Boston (although it's even rare there). I have seen people alone occasionally here, but it's extremely rare and it's usually below 14th Street. People just don't go out alone. I don't see anything wrong with it though. I like reading. I like eating and drinking. What's wrong with combining the two? I only had a problem with it Saturday night because I had nothing to read. But that wasn't the point. The point is that I'm almost always going out alone. I'd like that to change. I don't know how, but I'm going to work on changing that. In fact, I think that will be my March resolution. It's good to do nice things for people, but I'm a nice person- I don't really need to work on that. I need to work on my own life right now. I don't have good luck (and don't even enjoy) meeting random people. I need to have a reason to see the people I see (if that makes any sense)- reasons like work, school, weekly activities... I think I'll go to my Community Board meeting this month if it's not on a Tuesday or Thursday night (I think I remember it being on Wednesdays- hope it still is). And I think I'll see if Brook (the cool chick in my theatre class) wants to hang out sometime. Not only do I have very few friends, all but one live in locations other than New York. That will change this month.

Okay, enough writing. I really must get ready ready to go.

So yesterday was a long day (or at least it felt like one). I went to the library only to find that the only copy they had of "Oedipus Rex" was a non-circulating copy. Oh well, whenever we get around to discussing it in class, I'll just share with someone else.

The PF was mostly useful (well, as useful as they get- they're SO behind on everything), but I can't stand listening to all their talk. It gets really old after a short while. Hopefully I won't need to again any time soon.

Talked to Eytan for a minute today at work. He sounded really nice and sincere when he asked how I was. Now I have a new theory about him. Maybe he's gotten moody in his old age. I don't know if I completely believe that, but I don't know how else to explain why, when talking to him today, he acted like nothing was wrong. I should talk to him about it at some point. Maybe if he calls me on my birthday I'll ask him.

I love New York!! After the PF yesterday (and killing time at Hale and Hearty, eating crappy soup and reading my Time Out, I went to the CUNY Graduate Center for an interesting evening of science related music and comedy. Some of it was pretty bad, but I REALLY liked Brian Malow! He started off slow but was super funny and clever! An example: He talked about going to the movies with a friend who wanted to sit in the front row so he could see everything before everyone else. He told his friend that light travels 180,000 miles per second, so even if they sat in a theatre 180,000 miles long, they would only see the movie a second before the guy in the last row. And his friend said, "Yeah, but I'd hear everything a lot sooner,". He also talked about the snooze button on alarm clocks and why they all have 9 minute intervals (mine doesn't, but yeah, most of them do). He said he's gotten really good at math over the years- knows all his multiples of 9. If you sleep through to the afternoon, you become a lazy idiot savent. I had tears rolling down my face by the end of that from laughing so hard. Ya had to be there. But the main reason I'm glad I went (and the reason I started this paragraph with "I love New York" is because while I was there, I learned what else would be going on at this awesome place. This Friday at 5:00 PM, they are having a discussion on the recently released Copenhagen Papers (the Bohr/Heisenberg conversation) that Michael Frayn made famous in his most recent play. I'm going!!! I can't wait!!! I wish Michael Frayn could be on the panel- that would make it perfect. I hope getting there at 4:00 isn't too late to get a seat. It's free on a first come, first served basis. And on the afternoon of March 16, there will be a panel discussing Richard Feynman!! Alan Alda will be there. The discussion will be on this brilliant man's life and work (bongo playing will be a part of it is as well). And all of this is free! Can't wait!!! I love New York!

And when I got home last night, I got a new job- researching colour proofers. The job is fine but I had to do it by this morning (which meant doing it last night- I love people who decide to do things at the last minute)- not something I really wanted to take the time to do, but what can I do? So it's done. But it got me to sleep late and I didn't get to do the things I was going to do last night.

I've been bringing myself to tears again. I think I figured out that I seem to do this around my birthday. I hate it. I'll be in public (a bar, the bus...) and I'll get sad for no reason (well, sometimes there is a reason, but not all the time). The other day I was sitting at a bar reading a magazine. The article was business related (nothing sentimental or depressing) and tears started forming. Why?!? Yesterday on the bus I passed by a foreign money exchange place whose name was in several different languages. When I read the word "Cambio", I thought of the Terra Nova song "Cambia". Then I started quietly singing other Terra Nova songs and making myself sad. It was easy since I was already a little upset. While at the PF, they always have the radio on. It was on a classic rock station, and the station was playing all kinds of songs that made me melancholy (bringing back happy memories of not-always-happy times). Then it played Floyd's "Hey You", and I lost it. This was the last song I danced to in a dance concert (well, there was 2 other dances, but they weren't as good so I don't count them). I choreographed the most incredible dance to this song and performed it flawlessly. Everyone loved it!!! I was so good then (and that was even after my knee injury). I shined. I miss that. So the song came on and I had to run to the bathroom to keep from crying in front of everyone (which was really irritating since I had to get the key and go up a flight of stairs to the nearest bathroom). I hope this phase passes soon. And it only happens when I'm out. When I'm at home, everything's fine. I'm not even really unhappy in general. My life is good right now. I have plenty of work, school is okay (a lot of work, but okay), there's a lot of awesome stuff to do around the city, I'm healthy... But I guess I'm still thinking a lot about my future. I'm not ready for a major change but I want to be ready for a major change (I guess involving starting a family). I actually thought about doing the personal ads thing yesterday. I really don't like doing that (mostly because- what are the odds you'll meet someone you even enjoy having a conversation with and why waste the time?). I want to meet someone I'll see on a regular basis (hence my idea of joining some sort of group). Anyway, the point of all this was that I need to stop crying. I feel comfortable crying on a bus, but if it happens in a class (like it did when I was at Scottsdale), I will be irritated with myself.

Since I didn't do any reading for school yesterday (since it was late and I was too tired to do it after working), I will get to school a little early today and at least read through the play I'm directing so I can get some idea of what I need to do today (and how to argue with Elizabeth in a way everyone else will back me up and she'll have to do what I tell her to do).

And during my break between classes, I need to figure out how to register for summer classes at another CUNY college (and hope another college has a session with dates I can attend since Hunter does not).

Cool! I just got a free ticket to "Fortune's Fool" (a new play on Broadway with Frank Langella and Alan Bates) for the Sunday matinee. It wasn't something I was planning on seeing, but for free- how can I turn it down?

George was in part of my dream last night. He hasn't been in my dreams for a while. Wonder why he appeared now? I don't remember much about it other than going to find him to congratulate him on something and he made me give him a hug. I do remember it being a fun dream though, and wished I remembered the details.

For the second time recently, I turned the TV to a station that had an interview with Jon Stewart! This time it was the Dennis Miller show (haven't watched that in ages). I really love Jon Stewart- smart, cute, and says exactly what he's thinking! Dennis Miller mentioned Letterman maybe going to ABC and Jon Stewart being asked to go to CBS. Hmm, is this why he's been a guest on so many talk shows recently? And then I happened to tune into The Daily Show and saw Stephen somebody filling in for Jon Stewart. Did that have anything to do with his appearences on other talk shows? Is this common knowledge and I just am so not in the know about pop culture that I haven't heard anything about this? I guess I could try to find out, but it's just not worth it.

My mouse was acting up again yesterday. It took a lot of strength to move things where I wanted them. Then this morning it was still doing that for about an hour, and now it's back to normal. I don't understand.

"E.T." is back in theatres. I remember going to see it at the theatre in White Flint on a rainy 4th of July. That really doesn't feel like 20 years ago. But we knew my concept of time is horrible.

I'm making today a personal day and I am not leaving my apartment. It feels so good not to have to go anywhere (either for good or bad reasons). I was thinking about renting a movie tonight but then decided to watch "While You Were Sleeping. I know I told myself I wouldn't watch this until I was in a relationship (a happy one), but I changed my mind. Perhaps watching sappy movies about relationships and listening to music that puts me in a I-want-to-be-in-a-relationship mood (although I don't have too much of that kind of music and it took me a while to find something) will make me more motivated to actually do something about it. 99% of the time, I'm happy with my single life, but I could at least start trying to do something to point my future in the right direction. If I wait until I'm really unhappy being single, I'll be unhappy when trying to find a mate. If I start keeping my eyes out now, I'll be a more positive person and maybe more likely to meet someone promising. I can enjoy my single life while looking for a mate. If the prospects don't look promising, it least I won't be upset about that since I'm currently happy with my life. So to start this process, I'm going to check out the swing dancing scene in the city- see what kinds of people go there, how comfortable I will feel there... I was thinking of asking Meital if she'd like to go with me one night.

So with my free time this afternoon, I started re-organising my MP3s. I got rid of Real Player since it was being tempermental and I already had Windows Media Player which I like better (believe it or not). So now I'm putting all the files into categories. I'm about 10% finished- I hope to get a lot more done later today. Then either later this month or early next month, I'm going to look into getting my CD burner fixed so I can make CDs and get rid of most of these files and make room on my hard drive (I really have too many MP3s). And I don't want to get an MP3 player- just don't see the point.

So tomorrow's my birthday. If anyone still wants to get me something, click here. Thank you Neil and Maxine for your gift. I'll open it tomorrow- that's called being patient, Neil, you should try it sometime ;)

I'm in a good mood today. I feel relaxed (although my brain keeps reminding me of the Brain and Behaviour research paper on which I need to start working) and I'm going to continue enjoying my day.

So now I'm in a shitty mood and don't know how to get out of it. Another problem I have- not being able to get out of an angry mood quickly. So much for my peaceful, moving watching night. I cannot watch "While You Were Sleeping now. I want to but I don't want to. What I really want is to go back in time and not open the box I got tonight. I didn't even think it was a birthday present (if I did, I wouldn't have opened it- would have waited until tomorrow). It had some random computer company name on it that I'd never heard of, and I figured it was something work related (maybe a company I forgot about asked me to test some software or something). But I cannot go back in time. Sort of the same thing happened on this day last year (more proof that I'm in the same place I was a year ago). Paula and Harvey wanted to come up for my birthday and to make a long story short (the long version is found here), I was angry and upset with myself and didn't know how to get over it. So here I am again. I wish I could smoke some pot or something. I know that's not an answer for dealing with my anger and issues toward my parents, but it would sure help in the short term. Last year I called Eytan to discuss my problems. We talked for 2 hours (so he could be on the phone at midnight to wish me a happy birthday) and I felt much better- not because we talked about my issues and found solutions, but because he took my mind off the problems by discussing other things. He was a good friend. There- something has changed from last year. I lost a friend (or at least I feel that I have). I don't want to call him tonight and discuss that. I thought maybe I'd discuss it if he calls me tomorrow. I don't want to deal with more issues tonight on top of these ridiculous ones.

And when I get angry at myself for the way I react to my parents and get angry with myself for my money issues, of course I have to think about what else I don't like about myself. What else? I'm no good with relationships (of any kind). I get irritated with people easily. There are very few people I actually like (but at least I can deal with the flaws of people I like). So what makes me think I'll ever find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with (or at least a good part of my life with)? Other problems I have with myself? I'm not as smart as I think I am or I'd like to be. I'd like to think of myself as an intellectual, but I'm really not. I hate that. Other problems? For the past 5 or so years, I've been gaining weight for no apparent reason. I eat fairly healthy and get an average amount of excercise, yet my body gets worse and worse. I must have the slowest metabolism on earth. I should probably go talk to a doctor about that, but I never do. I don't even have a doctor. I know I need to do something about that, but who knows when that will happen? Haven't been to a dentist either in God knows how many years (I think since high school- HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE). I really should get a dentist as well, but I'm embarrassed to go since I haven't been in ages. I know the longer I wait the worse it will be, but what do I do? Ignore it all together. Bad! And another problem I have? With all these problems I have with myself, how can I go through most days liking myself? On most days, I really enjoy myself and my life. I think I'm smart, witty, and interesting. Who am I kidding? So I guess my main problem is that I'm delusional. And my current problem (right this very second) is that I'm being irrational. Nobody is perfect, and I'm beating myself up over my imperfections.

I have nothing else to write, but writing seems to be the only thing keeping me from throwing things (including myself) against the wall.

Oh, here's something else. I really want to talk to Harvey. Despite his horrible memory and listening skills and the fact that we've never had an end to a conversation, I miss talking to him. Not that I ever got to talk to him that much anyway (the main reason our conversations never ended was because the most time I ever got to talk to him was 15-20 minutes- and that was on a good day- every few weeks or so). But sometimes we could connect and he could understand my problems and was the only person who made me feel better about having them. I guess because we are similar in many ways....

Okay, I decided to call Paula to see if she talked to Harvey about having a talk with me later this month when he's up here. I tried to tell him myself, but he doesn't listen to me like he does her. So I just called her in tears to ask and she told me, "We're in the middle of watching West Wing." Ugh- why is a stupid TV show more important than a crying child (even if the child is being slightly irrational right now)? So much for me calming down. Now I'm pissed off. When am I allowed to talk to either of them? They're both always either working or eating or watching TV or traveling or in the middle of an important conversation or sleeping. Okay, I think I'm going to go call Rebecca. There's probably a 75% chance of her being out, but maybe I'll get lucky.

And Maxine, if you're judging me and thinking I'm a terrible person after reading all this, please don't tell me about it. I'm hard enough on myself.

And now I got to REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know it" and I'm reminded of doing "More Assembly Required" with IWII Theatre and learning all the words to this song for the show (but we wound up not doing this song). Those were fun times too.

And another Harvey memory- Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"- he used to like that one and sing along to it too.

And now I'm reminding myself of when I was living in Arizona and first started this journal- I used to write about all the songs that I was listening to, keeping my MP3's playing on random.

I'm feeling slightly better this morning, I guess. Paula sent me flowers, so I called to thank her (and of course Eytan answered the phone and was cold but did say "happy birthday") and that brought up the fact that she refused to talk to me last night since she didn't want to interrupt her TV show. I still think that's ridiculous. So thinking about that put me back in a not-so-great mood. I'm not as miserable as I was last night though.

Not much else to say today. Have to do some work and then go to class- same old, same old.

Oh, and thank you Neil and Maxine for the "I Am Sam" and "42nd Street" CDs.

Already I had to fill out a form that asked for my age, and I had to remember to go up one year. Ugh.

In general, my mood is not good. There are a few moments of joy (in fact this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "This is going to be your year."), but mostly my mood is heavy and grim.

I looked at some "if today is your birthday" horoscopes last night. I don't know why. Of course they all make sense if you read into them enough. Stupid waste of time.

Woke up singing the title song from "Jesus Christ Superstar".

Don't remember much about my dream last night, but I was somewhere where I had to cross over a swimming pool. Maybe I'm getting ready for "Metamorphoses" this weekend.

Eytan did call me yesterday. I asked him if he was upset with me and he said "No, we basically got everything out that we wanted to." I don't even remember what that problem was that he had back in November. Whatever. He still doesn't ever call me (except on my birthday). I guess our friendship isn't as important to him as it used to be. I didn't get into it with him though. We talked for a while about nothing and then he mentioned wanting to see a show when he was here. So I guess we're now the kind of friends that see each other when we're in each other's cities, but other than that, have very little contact. And he didn't mention about him staying in a hotel while he's here, but I guess that has to do with whatever happened last time when he was staying here and then packed up his stuff to go stay with George at the hotel. Anyway, we decided to see "The Goat", but then after we got off the phone, I got an offer for a discount on "The Last Five Years". Since I stupidly forgot to go to it when I had a ticket, I thought I could go with Eytan. So I emailed him and he replied today that seeing it was fine.

I got birthday wishes from Jim in an email yesterday. He told me he'll be in London from March 11-30 and wanted to see if I wanted to get together while I'm there. That could be fun.

After class today, I made it down to the CUNY Graduate Center for the talk on the Copenhagen papers. It really was rather a waste of time. He didn't tell us much we didn't already know. And the only thing he said about the letters found be Bohr was that he didn't think that Heisenberg had the meeting with Bohr for either warning him about the Germans and the bomb or to spy and try to get information of what Bohr was working on.

After that, I went down to the Village to try to get tickets for "The Last Five Years". I hadn't printed out the offer, but I thought I'd be able to get the tickets anyway. Wrong- I needed a printed offer. So now I have to either give in and pay the "convenience" and servies charges going through Ticketmaster or find time to go back down there (I doubt I'll make the time to do that- my time is worth the few extra bucks of charges).

But as long as I was down in the Village, I decided to stay and have dinner. I found this Mexican restaurant I went to years ago and liked their tamales, so I went there. It wasn't as good this time (although the egg cream with vodka was yummy), and once I got my food, my waitress disappeared, so I was there longer than I wanted to be. Then there was a fire or something near Macy's so it took a while to get home. I eventually got back a little after 9:00.

Now I'm home and was planning on doing some work, but I'm too irritated with things in general and I'm a little tired. So I'll watch a movie or something and do some work tomorrow (after I get back from "Metamorphoses"). Then Sunday I'm going to see "Fortune's Fool" and before and after that, work on my theatre review for school- I want to get that out of the way before midterms. And at some point soon, I need to go to a jazz concert. I was thinking about going to one at St. Peters Church (since it's only a few blocks from me) on Sunday evening, but decided I'd rather see something at a bar. That way I can have more to talk about in my paper. If people are just sitting in rows watching a band, I won't have much to discuss about the audience. So I checked Time Out while I was eating dinner tonight, and it looks like there are a few possibilities this week (either Monday or Tuesday night). I think I prefer to go on Tuesday since I'll already be out, but we'll see...

Oh, and when I got home, I called Harvey to see why he didn't call me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday. I knew Paula was still having issues with me having issues with her since I talked to her for a minute yesterday (and she didn't say happy birthday then either), but I didn't know why Harvey didn't call. Even if we're having issues, I thought he still would have at least made a quick phone call. So I called around 9:00 and he said, "I'm too tired to deal with this now," and that was the end of the conversation. I give up. I currently have issues with both of them, and I can't talk to either long enough to let them know what's bothering me. They are just too busy. And the problem with Paula is that she thinks she is never wrong. So even if I tell her that it really bothers me when she won't talk to me because she is watching a TV show (and I can't talk to her after it's over since she goes right to sleep), it won't do any good because she feels she is justified in doing this. I've discussed it with her briefly before and got nowhere. This is so frustrating. And upsetting. Dealing with them these past few days has definitely not helped my mood. I'm not depressed. I'm miserable. Not all day, just most of the day. It's a horrible feeling, but it's not as bad as being in a depression (although I fear depression is coming soon if something doesn't change).

I was looking at the TV listings to see if there were any good movies on tonight, and I saw that "High Art" is on. Thought that was strange since as I was sitting on the bus tonight, a scene from that movie popped in my head (the one where the young female character is in bed with Ally Sheedy's character for the first time). I don't know why I remembered that tonight- I haven't thought about that movie since I watched it a few years ago. So that was my nice little coincidence of the day.

There isn't anything on that I really want to watch, so I'll just watch a bit of "The Vagina Monologues". I can basically understand why people like this, but it doesn't do much for me.

I just got the urge to play guitar. I miss my guitars :(

"Metamorphoses" was divine (pun intended)! The cast was so connected with each other- it made all the difference in the world. And it was pretty cool to see them using the pool in so many ways. I highly recommend it.

Tonight I'm going to watch "The Laramie Project", and read a bunch of theatre reviews in preparation for writing my own review tomorrow night. Tomorrow after going to see "Fortune's Fool", I'll write my review before watching Six Feet Under. Monday evening I was thinking about going to hear Marian Seldes, Fran Lebowitz, and others read exerpts from Dawn Powell's novels, but I think I'm biting off more than I can chew. I should use Monday evening for reading my theatre book. If I read it by 5:00 on Monday, I'll call the Algonqin and see if there is still space available for the Dawn Powell reading.

I wrote Harvey and Paula emails last night since that seems to be the only way to communicate my ideas recently. It didn't exactly make me feel better, but maybe I will feel better after I get a response (I hope I get a response- I spent quite a bit of time on those emails).

My mood is still the same today as it has been for most of this week.

I spent too much time reading The Times this morning.

Not a day goes by when I'm not discriminated against because I look young or at least have to listen to some age related comment. Is the world obsessed with making young people feel worthless or does this just happen to me more than most people? Yesterday someone called me at 11:45 and in the conversation said, "Did I wake you? I know how you young people like to sleep late." A few weeks ago, someone called and asked to speak to an adult in the household. The other day in my jazz class, our teacher said, "You're all too young to remember records (I don't think there is a person in the class under 25 and several people are in their 40's and 50's)." I get so tired of this. Do I correct people and tell them I'm not as young as they think or do I just listen and agree? The latter is usually easier. I love looking young. I like people thinking of me as young- as long as being young to them doesn't mean that I'm not as intelligent or worldly as they are. And I really do get sick of the fact that I have to think about my age every day. Every day when someone tells me how young I am or something along those lines, I have to think about how old I really am and what that means to me. It's especially hard around my birthday, I guess. It's strange though- when I really was young (or at least the age that most people think I am now), I hardly ever heard age related comments. I know I did look older when I was younger, but am I also giving off a teenage vibe now or something? Have I heard these comments so much, that I just somehow act younger without realising it? Sometimes when I remember, I mentally tell myself how old I am when I'm in public just to see if people still make age related comments. I thought if I'm purposly trying to give off a vibe that says I am NOT a teenager, people will pick up on that. They don't. They still think I'm 15. Now I love looking young, but I really don't want people to think I'm 15. Twenty-two would be good enough. Actually, my age shouldn't even be thought about. When I look at people, my first thought isn't about how old they are (or look). In fact, most people I know casually, I don't even know how old they are. Does anyone know if age is becoming more and more of an issue with people? Another thing I don't understand is that in the entertainment world, young is all you can be. The public wants young people. So why do people look down on me because they think I'm a kid? Maybe they only want young people in the entertainment world- anywhere else, they're just not welcome.

And another parallel to last year- I had the same age related comments on this day last year. More proof that I'm still in the same place I was in last year.

I think I had an adventure dream last night but can't remember any of it now.

I really don't know how to write theatre reviews. There's no specific formula. I have plenty of notes of what I want to say- just don't know how to organise it. I guess, after reading some more reviews after I get home this evening, I'll just dive right in. I'll just keep trying until it starts to resemble something worth reading.

Well, I went over to see "Fortune's Fool", only to learn that Audience Extras overbooked us. So about 50 of us stood in a line outside the theatre (and of course it had to be yesterday when it was freezing rather than the day before when it was almost like Spring). I got in a conversation with the woman behind me. She was from Jersey and was taking her mother to see the show for her birthday. Talking helped pass the time. We talked about other shows in New York, London (she just went there for a week and I told her I was going in a few weeks), and other random stuff. At 3:00 (the show started at 3:00), they started letting us in. The usher asked if there was a group of three, and the woman I was talking to said we were a group of three (me, her, and her mother). Clever woman. I did not think fast enough- glad she did. So at 3:10, we got seated in the last row of the mezzanine. I could hear almost everything but had some trouble seeing because I was wearing my glasses yesterday (had trouble getting my contact in my right eye- the good eye- yesterday morning for some reason). Luckily The Music Box Theatre is small so I could at least see better than if we were in the mezzanine of the American Airlines Theatre or the balcony of any theatre. The show was okay, but I'm glad I didn't have to pay for it. The acting was great (although I thought Frank Langella was a bit over the top), but it was slow moving. And the woman's mother sat next to me- she had a LOUD whisper and took up half of my seat. At least I got in- I would have been irritated if they sent us home. I would have waited around for nothing (and I hate wasting time).

I didn't get very far on my theatre review yesterday and I didn't do any reading since I was still wearing my glasses (and it hurts my eyes to read a lot while wearing them- I know, I should get new lenses- that would help a little bit). So no book reading for me tonight. I will put my contacts back in (hope my eye is okay today), write my theatre review, and do my reading.

What did I do last night? I watched some of The Job (that Denis Leary show) on Comedy Central and watched Six Feet Under. The Job is stupid, but I love Denis Leary. He has great timing, he's handsome, and I love his sarcasm! This episode of Six Feet Under I didn't really care for. I don't like the character of Gabe, nor do I understand why Claire likes him. And I think the topic of Nate's illness is too serious to show his telling David about it, fading out at the end of the episode (guess the director thought otherwise). But it's still a great show!

March Madness is here! Once again, there is a school I have never heard of. McNeese State? Where the hell is that? But this time I decided to figure that out myself rather than keep asking people where a certain school is (like Gonzaga) and keep forgetting to check into it myself. I spent a year or two listening to people tell me that Gonzaga was in California (several people told me this- including people in California). Then one day I remembered to check, and learned that it's in Washington. So now I know McNeese State is in some remote place in Louisiana. And as much as I hate to say it, I don't see Maryland getting very far in the dance. I see them either losing to St. Johns again in the second round (hopefully not by 30 points this time)or making it to the Elite 8 and losing to UConn. And it was very difficult, in general, for me to fill in my bracket this year. I thought it was going great until I got to the Final Four and didn't like any of my choices except Duke. Like Oregon- will they really make it to the Final Four? My bracket choices until that point seemed to think so, but I really don't see that happening. So I had to go back and try some other possibilities. I think I wound up with Duke, Illinois, Connecticut, Duke, and Oklahoma (one 1, two 2's, and one 4).

I should start a new little thing for journal entries- "age related comment of the day". Today I had two- an email from someone telling me that they were going to be 39 and how they must seem very old to me (um, no) and the woman I met from Jersey told me she enjoyed "Menopause the Musical" but I might not like it because I'm too young (at least that comment is true- but why does my age have to dictate what I will and will not like?)

I heard back from Meital about swing dancing, and while she doesn't know anything about the swing scene here, she said she loves it and would love to go with me anytime.

I spent some time researching casting director stuff last night. I finally found some useful information and am feeling more positive about choosing this career path. I'd still like to know more about salary and what kind of competition to expect, but I'll figure that out eventually. I might even be able to get some information from the theatre advisor at school. So if this little dream of mine actually works out (big IF- but I'm certainly not giving up hope yet), a degree in theatre won't be useless after all.

I picked up some hair colour at Ricky's yesterday but forgot to get the develping cream (or whatever it's called). So now I have to find time before next weekend to go back to get that. I hate when I think I have completed an errand and then it turns out that I didn't do it correctly or completely. What inefficiency! Not that colouring my hair is such an important thing, but I'm still annoyed with myself for not getting everything I needed the first time and will have to take more time (that I don't really have).

I got an email from Paula this morning, replying to my email. I guess we sorted some things out, sort of. Actually, not really. I don't know. I don't really feel any better about the situation. I don't know whether to just forget about it all and move on or to try and discuss things further. I think I'll try to call her tonight to see if we can discuss this over the phone. I understand where she was coming from, but I don't understand if she understands where I was coming from. I think some more discussion is necessary.

So it's been six months since September 11. Sure doesn't feel like it. Time goes by so quickly!

Work has been crazy today! The emails keep pouring in. Hope I have time to at least write my theatre review (although I'll have to stop by 10:00 since I have a chat session then with a client- ugh, not what I really want to be doing tonight, but oh well). The reading can wait since all we're doing tomorrow in class is performing our little plays. Maybe I can catch up on the reading Wednesday night.

Rebecca's father is coming up here to visit her brother this week. He emailed me asking if I had time to get together. Well, I can make a little time. We decided Thursday afternoon would be the best time. There's an avant garde glass exhibit at the Cooper Hewitt that will be leaving at the end of the month. I figured if her dad wanted to see it, this would be my only chance to see it (I wouldn't take the time otherwise). So we'll be doing that on Thursday after we find somewhere for lunch. And he's going to wake up early to see The Corrs perform outside Rockefeller Center for the Today Show and asked if I wanted to join him. Hmmm- getting up early to stand in a huge crowd? Not something I would normally like to do. But for some reason, it seems like a good idea right now. I'll probably change my mind on Friday morning though- when I'm in my comfy warm bed and probably had just gotten to sleep a few hours before the alarm went off. We'll see...

The blue lights at Ground Zero didn't do much for me. I don't understand it, really. It just looks like either an airport (with their big search lights) or a Hollywood movie screening.

I got started on my theatre review. That's the hardest part- getting started. I would have continued but decided I wanted to ask Michael (our teacher) a few questions before I continued. I realised he hasn't told us anything about what he wanted out of our reviews. I'd like to talk to him about that before I take anymore time on it. But at least I have something to work with now. At least I don't have to start from scratch.

I finally managed to get a hold of Paula last night. We talked for a bit. She sort of understands my issues from last week and I basically understand hers. My mood, in general, is still pretty miserable though. I'm either on the verge of or in tears almost constantly. This is getting ridiculous. I'm not asking to be happy right now, but a few moments of rest from this sadness would be nice. I don't even remember why I'm sad. I mean, I know what the current issues are in words, but I don't really feel them (if that makes sense). It's just that I've been feeling this way for a while now so it's just habit, maybe. I'm sure in a week or so the issues will be pushed onto a back burner somewhere and I'll get back to my regular self. I'm just surprised they haven't moved already. I'm so busy- how do I have time for these sad feelings? I'm too busy for misery. Ah- I just thought of a reason. Maybe I need to talk to someone in person. After September 11 (and I am NOT comparing my feelings of then to my current feelings- it's just a convenient example), I was miserable. When I finally began to feel slightly less miserable was when I talked to someone face to face. I have all this wonderful contact through email and occasionally on the phone, which is great, but a face to face conversation really is something I need to have every once in a while. I mean a face to face conversation with a friend or at least someone who is more than an acquaintence. Fortunately, I will be having that very soon. While talking to Paula, she informed me that they were coming up for the day. I'll try to see her at some point. And then I'll see Rebecca's father on Thursday.

I got an email back last night from this girl wanting to start a Sunday brunch group. I thought that sounded like fun. After going to Andy's for brunch in Boston a few weeks ago, it made me want more of that. So this girl, Hannah, seems okay so far- although a little girly (but maybe she just seems that way in email- maybe she'll be different in person).

As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I thought a lot about death- what it's like to die, people I love dying, if I'm only thinking these morbid thoughts because I'm upset, what if I die tonight... That makes it really hard to fall asleep. I need to stop thinking about these things.

My alarm didn't go off this morning, so I overslept. Luckily I got up with enough time to do the things I needed to do before going up to school.

My group did its little play today. Our set designer didn't know what the hell she was doing. Michael asked her a few questions and didn't get very far. Then he started asking me all kinds of questions about the set- as a director, everything is my responsibility. He really wouldn't leave it alone. He was trying to make a point about the power of suggestion, which I understood, but I couldn't take back what our set designer did. But he wouldn't move on. He spent the rest of the class bringing our set up- again and again and again. And my two actors didn't know what the hell they were doing either. Michael asked them questions and they couldn't give answers- even though I had talked to them about that exact thing (well, to Elizabeth anyway- Flute, my other actor, wasn't there that day). I tried to explain to Michael the answer to his question, and he seemed to accept it. I don't like being responsible for people who don't take what they're doing seriously- especially when they don't listen to what I'm telling them. It makes me look bad. I also don't like the way Michael leads this class. He spends way too long on any one topic. I understand that he's trying to get us to see things from all angles, but there has to be a point when it's time to move on. We understand (or at least I understand) that no project is ever really finished and there is a million things you can do and change and think about. But for the purpose of an introductory class, there has to be some kind of stopping point. I wonder how he grades. I might be waiting a long time to find that out. He asked today if we minded not having a midterm. He obviously thought we'd be further along with this class. We haven't discussed anything we're reading in our theatre book and we haven't discussed the plays we're reading. So we might not have a midterm. Fine with me- one less thing to study for this weekend.

I signed up to take summer classes today. Now I just have to hope that I won't be exhausted when I start those classes after coming back from Scotland the day before (or something like that). I love summer classes since you can get credits quickly (and they're often more laid back than full semester classes), but having to go there almost all day 4 days a week is difficult. That leaves nights and weekends for work and school work and no time for anything else for 6 weeks. It's worth it though (someone remind me of that when I'm completely stressed for those 6 weeks).

I ejoyed Brain and Behaviour tonight. We're still discussing vision. The people in this class are intelligent and ask the kind of questions that I like to ask. He told us we should be in a graduate level neuroscience class with the kinds of things we were asking about. I love being around intelligent people and learning cool things! I was thinking about choosing something vision related for my research paper- maybe astigmatisms. Then I can learn more about my vision problems.

Thanks for the email, Maxine. It made me feel a little better (although it did bring tears to my eyes- but what else is new? This crying thing is getting old.).

I'm meeting Paula tomorrow afternoon and she's going to join me while I run a few errands (Ricky's and Mailboxes Etc). Not really fun for her, but she'll have plenty of time for fun before and after our hour. She has an appointment at 4:00- otherwise we'd have a little more time. But I have plenty to do tomorrow- I shouldn't procrastinate too much- so it's good that she only has an hour.

So tomorrow will be a lot of walking around in the rain, I guess. First I need to go over to the Broadhurst Theatre to get a ticket for "Into the Woods". Then I'll walk over to Sacks to meet Paula, and together we'll walk up to Ricky's at Columbus Circle, Paula will go to her appointment and I'll walk over to the Mailboxes Etc. on 57th.

I'm determined to finish writing my theatre review tomorrow night (but if I don't, it's not the end of the world).

I called Dr. Billig's office this morning! I asked about changing to disposible contacts and the technician is supposed to call me back about that. I also asked for a copy of my records (so I can learn more about my eye conditions now that I might understand some of it), and the receptionist told me it would be $15. That's worth it, I think. She's sending me out a letter about requesting a copy and then I'll mail them a check.

I also got tickets for "The Last Five Years" for the 22nd- finally remembered to call when they were open. I ordered through Ticketmaster, so I had to pay the "convenience" fee and handling charges. The only thing convenient about that is that I didn't have to make another trip down to the Village. My time is worth more than the charges.

I could go see "The Complete Works of Shakespeare" tonight for free, but I won't. I should finish my theatre review and let Rebecca's father and brother see it without me there (they already have tickets for tonight).

Speaking of Rebecca's father, he called me this morning to let me know he was in town and reminded me that I need to pick a place for lunch tomorrow. Guess I'll figure that when I get home this evening.

In about an hour I'm going to head over to the Broadhurst Theatre and start my day of running around Manhattan in the rain.

I seem to be in a hat mood these days. I bought a hat at Ricky's the other day and got another one today. I don't look so good in hats (I think my head is too small), but I don't really care. Now that my hair is longer, I don't have to worry about what my hair looks like under the hat and it's a great solution to a bad hair day.

The woman from Dr. Billig's office just called me back. She said she'll have to talk to Dr. Billig and have him give me a call tomorrow (I told her I wouldn't be home) or I could call him sometime tomorrow. If we don't get in touch, she said he'll probably have her call me Friday morning.

As I was walking to the Broadhurst Theatre, I saw the marquee up at the Helen Hayes Theatre- "Smell of the Kill". I guess I was near some kind of steakhouse because I smelled cooked meat. I thought they should cook some meat outside the Helen Hayes to attract people walking by... "Here, have a nice kebob made of meat we got from a nearby walk-in meat freezer, and right through those doors you can get tickets for our new smash hit "The Smell of the Kill".

And why is the St. Patrick's Day parade here on Saturday? To give everyone a chance to party without having to go to work the next day?

So I think now I'll rest for an hour or so before finishing my theatre review. I don't know why I'm so tired. Guess walking all over Manhattan on such a gloomy day is tiring.

Woke up singing "A Kiss is a Terrible Thing to Waste" from "Whistle Down the Wind".

Random comment of the day:
The Celtics are on a roll right now! Beating the Nets last night- that was big!

I don't care what anyone else says- I think the biggest upset of the night (besides Duke killing Winthrop more than necessary- that upset ME), so far, is UNC Wilmington over USC. I actually had Tulsa and Missouri winning in my bracket. I've always been good at picking the upsets. See, I shouldn't have been worried about my picks this year. Looks like I still got it! Then again, it's early. Let's see how I do tomorrow before giving myself too much credit.

So today was nice. I went back to Ricky's to get the damn developer bottle (unless this colour job is amazing, I think from now on I'll stick to regular-box-of-hair-colour-from-a-regular-drug-store). Then I met Rebecca's father for lunch at Wolf's for my favourite matzah ball soup. Then we headed up to Cooper Hewitt to see the glass exhibit. Wow! I loved it! Especially the Viennese glass and everything pre-1940. I would really love to learn some of these techniques. Maybe in my spare time (read sarcasm), I can take a glass blowing class. Too bad it's not offered at Hunter, I could take it as one of my electives. Maybe there will be a class starting in August, and I can at least get started while I don't have any other classes to worry about. Anyway, I'm really glad I made it to the exhibit. After we finished looking around, we sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful day. I've never spent so much time with Rebecca's father before (and I've never spent any time with him alone). It was fine. He asked me a lot of questions about my life and he's a good listener. It was very theraputic for me. I was able to talk about myself and my life in a positive manner (something I haven't been able to do for the past couple of weeks). I definitely felt better today than I have in a little while. I'm still not back to my usual high-self-esteem, laughing-at-life self, but I'm getting there.

Then I had classes. I'm really enjoying the Brain and Behaviour class! He explains everything so clearly- I'm really learning (even if I don't do so well on his stupidly written tests). And everyone in the class really asks great questions! Today we learned about perception of pain (we had a choice between that and how the ear works- all but 3 of us chose pain- masochists are we?). It's interesting to know that there are 3 types of fibers that carry the sensory messages to the brain (through the spinal cord). The C fibers are the slowest- they're the ones that carry the pain messages. Why do the pain messages get the slow fibers? Well, for example, when you touch a hot stove, in reality you're moving your hand away before the brain has the message that you're touching something hot. It's a reflex- a message sent to your spinal cord using A alpha (don't feel like finding the symbol for alpha right now) fibers. A alpha fibers are fast. So you already know you touched something that's hot. That's the first type of pain you get- that initial pain that's immediate. Then after you realise you're in pain, that's when you get the next type of pain- that secondary, lasting pain. Your brain gets that message from the slow moving C fibers. You're already in pain- what difference does it make how fast you get the message for the lasting pain? Or something like that- this is just from my memory (which, thanks to the hippocampus, I have). I have no idea why I'm writing all this in my journal.

Oh, so last night I said I was going to rest for an hour and then start my review. I did not do that. I went to lay down in bed and stayed there until midnight. I didn't fall asleep though. I thought about Michael, my theatre teacher- about how I think he's a fascinating person who knows a lot but is not a very good teacher (at least not for an introductory course). I thought about ways to tell him this without him getting angry. Then I realised I wasn't falling asleep but my brain was still too tired to write my review. So instead I searched for Michael's name online and found out a few things. One, he's had small parts in a few movies and TV shows. Two, he wrote a play that the Berkshire Theatre Festival did last summer. I'd really love to talk with him outside of class. Maybe I'll see if I can talk to him during his office hours or something. I don't know what I'd ask him exactly. Guess I could start with asking him about his career- how he got to teaching...

So since I didn't write my theatre review, I have very little time if I really want to turn it in before the real reviews come out (which I do). I can work on it tomorrow night (and in between watch some of the tournament). I hope I have the energy and drive to do that.

Then Saturday I'm going to the Feynman Fysics Festival at the CUNY Graduate Center and when I get home, I'll start studying for my jazz and Brain and Behaviour midterms (and theatre midterm if he decides we're having one- God, I hope he decides it's not worth having since we haven't discussed any of our readings). Then Sunday I'll dye my hair, do some more studying, and watch Six Feet Under. Then Monday I'll study all day and night and work in between studying. Tuesday I have my jazz midterm. Wednesday I'll study all day and night and work in between studying. Thursday I have my Brain and Behaviour midterm. Hopefully Friday will just be a regular theatre class and not a midterm. Friday night I'll see "The Last Five Years" with Eytan. Saturday I'll do the Four Seasons thing. Sunday I'll work and watch some of the Academy Awards with Paula (don't know if I'll last very long with that- maybe we can just talk and hang out and not watch it the entire time). Monday I'll work. Tuesday I'll work. Wednesday I'll pack and leave for London.

Oh, I just thought of something. I hope the St. Patrick's Day parade doesn't get in the way of getting into the do that.

Then Saturday I'm going to the Feynman Fysics Festival at the CUNY Graduate Center- both are on 5th Ave. I guess it shouldn't be too much of a problem since the parade starts around 42nd and the CUNY Graduate Center is at 34th. But I'm glad I thought of it so I'll take the subway instead of the bus.

Happy birthday Jay.

Woke up singing "A Step Too Far" from "Aida".

I had interesting dreams but don't remember anything about them now. I haven't remembered a dream in a while. Maybe that will change soon.

Well, no one from Dr. Billig's office called me yesterday or today. Guess I'll call them Monday (hope I remember).

I'm really lucky to have met Judith last summer (thanks Josh). She sent me an email today telling me they live REALLY close to a bus stop and chip shop, will move the guest bed thing downstairs so I can have my own room and bathroom, and since it's the Golden Jubilee the first day I'll be there- they won't have to work and can show me around- the rest of the time I can have to myself. Wow! Couldn't have asked for a better setup in Glasgow!

Why am I always so busy at the middle and end of March? I've always either been in a show or have had crazy work deadlines or have had midterms or I've been out of town... I think '95 was the only time I could watch a lot of the tournament and that was because I was sick (I remember vividly camping out on the little white couch Yanna gave me and watching the tournament on the old TV with broken knobs so you had to use pliers to change channels that I got from Ginni, the woman who lived with us for a while when I was a kid- I don't remember what happened to that TV- not that it matters, I had used it for 15 years and that was after Ginni had used it). At least that was a good year for Maryland. Joe Smith got the Terps to the Sweet Sixteen for the first time in years.

We're not going to have a midterm for theatre. He's spending too much time on these plays. He admits that he knows he's taking a long time, but he says it's with good reason. Okay, fine with me. One of the groups that went today was actually really good. The group that wrote it really wrote a good script (realistic language, very funny) and the 2 actors performing it were great. Obviously Michael liked it too- he let them get through the entire thing without stopping them.

Okay, time to go write my theatre review.

Wish Stoppard's new play opening in London would open before July so I could go see it. Why is something opening in late July anyway- when many people are on holiday?

I set my alarm for 8:45 this morning and it didn't go off. This has happened a few times recently. Perhaps I need a new battery. Fortunately, I woke up at 9:00 on my own from a dream about Kim talking about filling out a form for a cooking school program and me realising that the mailing address was 2 blocks from where we were (57th St and 7th Ave- we were at 57th & 5th), a random young girl doing some kind of act involving a dangerous trampoline and me comforting her when she hurt herself, and being in some weird area with snakes all around (that was the main thing that woke me up- I was tired of trying to get away from the snakes).

I'm interested in watching the Kansas/Stanford game tonight. For some reason, I decided in my bracket that Stanford would beat Kansas. No matter what the outcome is, it should be an interesting game.

This afternoon I went to the Feynman Fysics Festival. I only went to the first panel since I decided I should really be home studying. The first panel was with Alan Alda and Peter Parnell discussing Richard Feynman in relation to the play "QED". Alan Alda is a very articulate man and it was interesting hearing about how he prepared for this role, but I could have lived without it- no one said anything that surprised me (I had the same thoughts and ideas). Of course 99% of the audience was 65 and over. This generation that attends the theatre (and the people at this event were mostly there because of the play, not the physics) are often more rude than the younger generations. They talk to each other, rustle papers and bags loudly, and take up as much of your seat as they feel like it. Oh well, some of it was interesting and I would have been wondering what it was like if I didn't go.

I've only written about half of my theatre review, but I'm not worried. I suddenly feel like I have more time. I can easily finish it tonight. Tonight I also need to catch up on my personal email. I've been ignoring some people for a little while now (just been too busy to take the time to reply).

I looked over my Brain and Behaviour notes. I think if I read them a few times between now and Wednesday and then really study it Wednesday and Thursday, I'll be fine.

As for jazz, I'm listening to the pieces now and I'll study for it tomorrow and Monday. I'm not worried about that either.

Besides studying tomorrow, I also need to clean the apartment (it's getting to be a bit of a disaster) and dye my hair. Then I'll watch Six Feet Under.

Wow! Some close games going on! Wake and Oregon, Kentucky and Tulsa... So Oregon won- that's what I had in my bracket. But I have Tulsa beating Kentucky- it's close, but I'll probably lose that one... Yep, lost that one. That's okay, I'm still in first place. Having Oklahoma St. advancing to the Sweet Sixteen doesn't really hurt me since even if people had them losing to Kent St. in the first round, no one had Kent St. beating Alabama in the second round. This Kansas/Stanford game will be important. A lot of people in my pool have Kansas going to the Final Four... God I love this stuff!

I just got the urge to go down to Blacksburg. I have no idea when I'll get a chance to go back there. Maybe I can at least take a day in April, rent a car, and go somewhere upstate or something- drive around some random small town. I probably won't take the time to do that, but it sounds nice right now.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I was pretty bad last night. All I did was clean the apartment a little, write a paragraph or two for my theatre review and watch basketball. I really need to accomplish something today, especially since I'll want to watch the Maryland game this evening and Six Feet Under. That means I have about 4 hours to be productive (and I can try to be productive during commercials of the game). That's plenty of time!

Not much else to say today. Maybe I'll write more later when I'm taking a break.

Wow! Maryland really killed Wisconsin!

I'm irritated! I have no Internet connection right now. I called RCN and for a change, something is wrong with their network. I wonder when it'll be fixed? It would be great if it was working later tonight, but I doubt it will. Hopefully it won't take 3 days like last time.

On a good note, I was able to put my contacts back in my eyes. I realised I couldn't dye my hair until I could put my contacts back in- I couldn't do it with my glasses on and I couldn't see anything with my glasses off. I still would like to get disposible contacts though. Hopefully I'll get in touch with Dr. Billig or the technician tomorrow.

Today I seem to be doing everything in 15 minute intervals- write a paragraph of my review, read over my Brain and Behaviour notes, watch a few minutes of basketball, go to the bank to make a deposit, put some clothes away, look at my jazz notes, send an email, put some of the empty bottles in the recycling bin by the trash shute, write another paragraph of my review, watch some more basketball, open some of the mail... I don't know why I'm doing things this way rather than finish something and then move on to the next thing, but it seems to be working. After I rinse the colour out of my hair, I'll do some more of my theatre review, go through some more of my mail, and send (well reply, I can't actually send it until my connection is back up) another email or two. Even though I haven't actually completed anything, I sitll feel on top of things.

Six Feet Under was okay tonight but still not as good as anything from last season. I did love how Ruth called Movie Phone when pretending to call her daughter- that was quick thinking!

Still haven't finished anything (except my hair). I'll finish cleaning the apartment tonight and work some more on my theatre review (I'll finish it tomorrow- I'll have to if I want to turn it in before the show opens).

More proof that I'm still in the same place as last year. I just read an entry from March 19th 2001, and I still have the exact same issues I wrote about. Maybe I should try working on one of them. The problem is that with the respect issue, I don't want to just not care that people don't respect me and treat me badly- I want to find a way to do things in a certain way that they will respect me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I know I wrote recently that I should try going to a Psychologist again. I still would like to do that, but I don't have time to think about it right now. Maybe in April...

I remember in my dream last night, I was going down to Blacksburg. It seemed so easy in the dream- it all worked out so perfectly. I had a car and drove down, taking the scenic route through a lot of West Virginia. Then I remember Neil was driving and Maxine and I were in the car (Abby wasn't with us). I was giving directions and we came to a "T". In front of us were 2 driveways. The one on the left was Andy and Tonya's house. Neil stopped the car since he didn't know which way to go and Andy and Tonya were looking at us. They were about to go back in their house, when I realised we were stopped because I didn't tell Neil which way to go. I told him to pull into the driveway on the right since that's where we were staying. I got out of the car and said hello to Andy and Tonya. I was happy Neil drove since I could borrow his car while we were there (since they go to bed early- I could use the car at night) and I wouldn't have to rent a car. It was a slightly bigger car than the one he has now, but it was still the same shade of red (it was like a Pontiac Sunfire or something). That's all I remember. There was another part of the dream before all that, but I don't remember that either.

So this dream really made me want to go back down there. I really don't see when that's possible though. I thought mabye I could tie it into my trip to DC at the end of June. I could go see the show at the Kennedy Center and then drive down to Blacksburg for a few days. I could take an extra day and drive through parts of West Virginia. I really haven't been to much of West Virginia (just the part that goes from Harpers Ferry down to Route 7 heading towards I-81 and I think I was in Charleston once, but I don't really remember it- I'd certainly like to visit that area again). But unfortunately, I'll be in classes at the end of June and won't have any time for this. There's still a small possibility I could try to see if I could take classes at another CUNY school that has a later starting summer session (like Baruch), so if I do that, maybe I'll be able to head down to Virginia before the show in DC and make it back here in time for classes. That would also be a good idea so I don't have to rush back from Scotland and be exhausted for the start of classes. With taking summer classes at Hunter, I'll be leaving for Scotland the day after my last final, come home, and have 1 day to rest before starting the intense summer schedule. That doesn't sound so great in reality- especially because who knows what my work situation will be at that point. Oh well, I don't have to decide right now. I'll wait and see when the other schools announce the dates for their summer schedules.

Malka, a cousin in Israel who I've been emailing recently, called me EARLY this morning. She's having a party for her parents' 40th wedding anniversary and wants me to call during the party to congratulate them. She's trying to have as many people call as possible. So at 1:00 this afternoon, I have to call Israel and talk to a bunch of people I don't know.

I did get more productive last night before going to bed. I cleared my inbox, replying to all that needed a reply and I almost finished my theatre review. I'll finish it up this morning- then I need to get some work done, study some more for the jazz final, read over my Brain and Behaviour notes, and finish cleaning up the apartment. Why do I keep writing this same stuff over and over? Because each time I write about what I need to do, it seems more and more manageable. Oh, I also have a nice pile of mail to go through, but that can wait until Wednesday. There's no point in dealing with it now since there are several bills and I don't know how much money I have in my account to pay those bills. I recently deposited a large check from a company and I've never had problems with this company before, so I paid some bills with that money. Well, the check hasn't cleared (although the amount is on my deposit statement) and the companies I paid returned my checks. Not good. How irritating. I called the company who wrote me the check and they were just as surprised. They checked into it on their end they said that their bank deposited the money into my bank on March 4. But according to my bank, even though the deposit shows up on my statement, my current balance is a lot less than it should be- especially since my credit card companies returned my checks. Guess I'll have to call my bank (although I probably won't be able to talk to a real person and I'll have to go down to my branch and talk to someone in person).

I called Dr. Billig's office this morning, and the receptionist told me that Dr. Billig had the day off and Laurie (the technician) would be in later today. She's supposed to call me later. Last time she called me back it was early evening. That would be fine if that's when she called back today. Just as long as she does return my call.

Glad I dyed my hair last night. Today is turning into a busy day, so that's one less thing I have to do.

Okay, annoying details out of the way. Time to finish my theatre review and get to work (and remember to call Israel at 1:00).

I'll just have to assume Laurie, from Dr. Billig's office, won't call while I'm out. I didn't give her my mobile number, and it doesn't seem worth it to call the receptionist and giving it to her. If by some weird chance she does call while I'm out, hopefully she'll leave a number where I can reach her when I get back. But there's probably a 90% chance she won't call until this evening (if at all), and I shouldn't say this because I'll probably jinx it, but today seems to be a day where things go smoothly (a rare occurance).

I finished writing my theatre review! It's 6 pages. I think he said it should be 3-5. I NEVER write more than the requested amount. I'm always so concise. Well, there's a first for everything.

Laurie called me back. She said I have to come down to their office to get fitted for disposible contacts. I guess I'll have to try to find a weekend to do that in April. Maybe the second week of April?

Now I'm feeling pretty tired so I'm going to relax a little bit before getting back to work.

I just got excited about seeing "Into the Woods" next month, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much. Every time I get my hopes up about seeing a show, I'm disappointed (and not just because I built it up too much but because it really wasn't a good show). One thing I am not excited about is the human cow. I know I mentioned this before, but I really liked the mechanical cow.

And hey, now that I think about it, I think "Into the Woods" was somehow in my dream last night. I can picture the setting and the Baker's Wife or something like that. Hmm, I've never had a dream about a show I wasn't in.

A company I've done some work for in the past decided to randomly give me a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble. Why? I have no idea, but I'm certainly not complaining. So I got "Speaking with the Angel"- editor: Nick Hornby (short stories will be good for a night flight to London), "Fried Calamari" by D.M. Roman (light reading for my flight back from London), "Name Dropping" by Jane Heller (some more light reading for a rainy Spring afternoon when I either don't have any work, or more likely, feel like I deserve to procrastinate), and the Indigo Girls' "Become You" (because I heard this was more like their older stuff- I didn't really care for their last couple of albums). So thank you Mr. X from Company Y for deciding I deserved this gift certificate.

A little tired but feeling on top of things today. I'm not ready for my jazz midterm yet, but I will be by the time 5:30 rolls around.

Rebecca booked her flight to London this morning for May. A trip always feels more real when you actually pay for part of it. Me, I'm going to wait until I get back from London to see how many miles I'll have by then and see what I can do about booking a flight. I doubt I'll have enough miles for a free flight (now that you can't combine with US Air miles- I sure have a lot of those), but maybe I can pay using money and miles or at least upgrade to business class (unless when I fly British Airways economy class in a few weeks, I find out that the economy seats aren't too uncomfortable- then I won't bother upgrading). Anyway, I have time to figure everything out. I did make the suggestion to everyone about staying in a castle in Scotland and everyone seemed to like that idea. I've always wanted to stay in a castle but never felt like doing that alone. See, travelling with other people can be good for some things.

I really like the way my theatre review turned out. I'm sure he'll find things that I should have added, but I think I have just the right amount of detail and included all aspects of the show. If he says I should have included more here and there, I'll tell him I thought that if I included any more, the paper would have been too long. It was supposed to be 3-5 pages and mine is 6.

Not much else to say today.

Oh yes, one more thing. I think that if they do install the X-Ray security feature at the Orlando airport, the people will rebel!

Happy birthday Les Boisclair!

"Tick, Tick... Boom!" was the first CD my CD player picked out this morning. It knows exactly what I needed to listen to! I love my CD player.

Yesterday I was trying to remember things about Tim- a guy I dated in high school for some bizarre reason. Camping- I know we did it but don't remember why or where. I seem to remember going to Deep Creek Lake. But when did we do that? Riding on his motorcycle up in Loch Raven Reservoir- did this really happen or did I dream it? I think that maybe we talked about doing it but never did it. But maybe we did. I have a great memory so it surprises me when I absolutely can't remember something.

I was playing It Pays to Learn last night and it gave me another coincidence question- What instrument did band leader Benny Goodman play? Clarinet! I had the same question on my midterm last night.

Speaking of my midterm- it was the easiest test I've taken in a long time (probably the easiest test I've taken in any college). And he said it would be harder than the last one. I know I got one wrong and I might have gotten another one wrong. So at worst I got a 96% and at best, a 98%. At least I should be getting an A in one of my classes.

I talked to Harvey for a few minutes in between classes. It got me in a bad mood again so rather than study some more for my miderm (which I really did want to do), I went to the computer lab to print out some of my journal for him to read. I just couldn't concentrate on anything else and decided that was a good idea I was glad I didn't talk to him right before the midterm- that way I had some time (an hour) to do something that made me feel about 25% better. I stopped by the Four Seasons, where they're staying, after class to give him about 9 pages of reading material. We're going to have our talk Sunday morning and I wanted him to be a little prepared about what was/is on my mind since we're not going to have that much time for our talk (at least I can get a lot of my issues out there beforehand). Now if only he could remember a fourth of what I gave him to read when we have our talk.

I still have all these jazz pieces running through my head.

I turned in my theatre review. I don't remember what he exactly asked me but it was something about what I've seen, and my answer was that I see an average of a show a week. He was impressed. Then he asked if I saw "Sweet Smell of Success". I smiled and said yes. He took my smile as a positive opinion of the show and told me he hated it. I told him I didn't love it but didn't hate it as much as Brantly. I would have loved to have talked to him about that more but class was about to start.

And we finally got to see our little play performed today. I admit it was a rather boring play, but the actors didn't even try to do anything with it. Supposedly the director had given them more to do, but they didn't do any of it. It was horrible. Oh well, at least that's all finished with. Now we're supposed to discuss the 3 plays on Friday that we were supposed to have read. I haven't read any of them recently, but I know them all well enough to hopefully be able to discuss them. Maybe I'll see if there's anything online about the important themes of each one. I have a feeling though, that we won't get beyond one major point about "Oedipus Rex"- he takes so long to make a point.

There's a girl in my theatre class who was flirting with Michael yesterday. I hope they knew each other already or something, since it certainly doesn't seem like appropriate teacher/student behaviour (I know it's done all the time, but I've never seen it done in public). He is easy to flirt with though. Not that I'm attracted or interested in him at all, but he's just so easy to talk to and pick on...

Woke up around 7:00 from a dream. Paula and I were trying to sort through a pile of snakes and water buffalo- we had to put the snakes in one container and the water buffalo in another. I was getting uncomfortable handling the snakes, so I just woke up. I went to lie down on the couch and fell back to sleep- slept on and off for another hour or so.

I had a bit of work to do this morning, so it's good I got an early start. Now I can spend the rest of the day and night studying for my Brain and Behaviour midterm. It's raining again today, but I'm going to go out and find somewhere to study for a little while anyway. I need a change of scenery and sometimes during the test, if I can remember where I read some of my notes, it will help me figure out the answers. Don't know where I'll go though. I want to go somewhere new. Maybe I'll check into places now.

Now I really need to study!

But before I do... who the hell would believe this guy (I got this email today):
FROM: COL.AARON MOMODUE(RTD) DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO. SEEKING FOR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE. It is my pleasure to request your assistance on this business proposal which if pursued to its conclusion, will be of immense benefit to both of us. This request may seem strange but I will crave your indulgence and pray that you view it seriously. My name is COL.AARON MOMODU(RTD) of the Democratic Republic of Congo and one of the close aides to the former President of the Democratic Republic of Congo LAURENT KABILA of blessed memory, may his soul rest in peace. Due to the military campaign of LAURENT KABILA to force out the rebels in my country, I was instructed by Late President Kabila to go abroad to purchase arms and ammunition worth of Fifteen Million United States Dollars only (US$15,000,000.00) to fight the rebel group. But when President Kabila was killed in a bloody shootout by one of his aide a day before I was scheduled to travel out of Congo, I immediately decided to divert the fund into a private security company here in Congo for safe keeping.The security of the said amount is presently being threatened here following the unwanranted arrest and seizure of properties of Col. Rasheidi Karesava (The aide that shot Laurent Kabila)and his tribesmen ,where I am from,by the new President of the Democratic Republic of Congo the son of late President Laurent Kabila, Joseph Kabila. In view of this,I need a reliable and trustworthy foreign partner who can assist me to move this money out of my country as the beneficiary. I have sufficient ''contacts'' with our national bank to transfer this funds to your account . My inability to move this money out of Congo all this while lies on my lack of trust on our supposed good friends (western countries) who have suddenly became hostile to those of us who worked with the late President Laurent Kabila, since his son took office.Also, I cannot use my name in the transfer of the money out of Congo, because I am well known here.This is why I need you. Though we have neither seen nor met each other, I know we will be able to establish all the trust that we need to ensure that we execute this project successfully. Thus, if you are willing to assist me to move this fund out of Congo, you can contact me through my email address with your telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss the modalities and what will be your share (percentage)for assisting me. I will highly appreciate it if my request is given utmost priority and consideration. Best Regards, COL.AARON MOMODU(RTD)

Okay, I just spend WAY too much time reading the news!

I had this strange, awful dream last night. I don't remember all of it now, of course, since after it woke me up, I went back to sleep for a bit. There was some force that was killing people. I saw 3 people die in a row and then Paula went next. Harvey looked sick like he was about to die as well, but as time went on, he got stronger. He was acting a little odd though (I figured it was because his wife had just died). I heard Harvey say something about having to change the world and remembered hearing Paula saying something like that earlier. Then I walked over to some area to see Harvey talking to Paula (face to face). I didn't think it was strange that he was able to do this even though she was dead. I figured out that the reason Harvey was still alive was because he joined this cult that was trying to kill everyone who wouldn't join them. He was brainwashed, but Paula came back to try to reach him- get him to see the truth. He did start to slowly see the truth and tried to figure out how to get out of the cult and stop them. Then lots of stuff happened that I don't remember exactly. Harvey and I were at some party at Sylvia's apartment. There were a lot of snakes (I have to stop with the snakes) and each one had a different purpose. Harvey and I were trying to burn them and send them backwards from where they came (this was the only way to kill them). I had the raptor (it was mostly a snake, but did have some dinosaur qualities), which was the most difficult to control. It was hyperactive, and I couldn't get it to stay on the blanket, which I was using to take it to go get burned. We couldn't touch the snakes directly or we would start to get brainwashed by the cult leader (who was controlling the snakes). Then I woke up- I had enough of this stuff. But it was only 5:00 AM and I didn't want to have another early starting day, so I did manage to get back to sleep, sort of. I dozed on and off for a little while, but I didn't like the dreams I was having, so I kept waking up and going back to sleep. Finally I just got up at 6:30.

And when I did finally get out of bed, I think I got up too quickly or the wrong way since I think I pinched a nerve in my neck or something- ouch.

There seems to be a lot of emergency vehicles driving on my street recently. Last night, at least one drove by every 3-5 minutes for a few hours. And I know it's my imagination, but they seem louder than they were a few months ago.

I was procrastinating a little this morning, since I got up so early, and was checking hockey news. I learned that Jeff Halpern (son of Herman) got surgery on his knee last month and will be out the rest of the season. At least it's not a career ending injury.

I really don't like the term "9-11". It sounds too cute or something. I know we love to abbreviate things, but what happened on that day should not be abbreviated. How about at least refering to it as September 11? So I was thinking about that last night and was wondering if people in countries who write the date like it should be written- day/month/year- use the term "11-9". No, they don't like to abbreviate things as much as Americans do.

I was thinking about doing the London Eye thing next week. I know it's touristy (and expensive for what it is) and I didn't have an interest in it until I was there last year and saw it and wished I could have bought a ticket for it earlier. So I probably need to decide before the end of the week so I don't miss out because the tickets for when I'm there are all sold out (last I heard you need to book a week in advance). And hopefully it won't be foggy (or at least not very foggy) the day I choose. It probably will be foggy (and probably raining too), but hopefully it won't be as foggy as it was in Hong Kong the day we went up to Victoria Peak.

I'm starting to feel pretty good about the Brain and Behaviour material, although I can't remember the actual terms on my own (but once I see them, I can give a description of what they are). By 7:00 tonight, I'll be much better off. I'm going to study some more this afternoon and then look at the stuff I'm having trouble with in the 2 minutes I have between classes (because it takes at least 5 minutes to get from the classroom where I have jazz in the North building to the classroom where I have Brain and Behaviour in the West building, and our jazz teacher loves to let us out a minute or two late (I HATE THAT!!). I know it's difficult just to get in the classes that you need, but if I can help it, I'm not doing back-to-back classes in different buildings anymore. This semester, I have jazz on the 4th floor of the North building. I have to go down to the 3rd floor, walk across the connector to the West building, and then fight through all the people (who don't seem to ever be in a rush) going up the escalators (some of them are always broken) to the 6th floor of the West building. And of course Mr. Jazz Teacher always yells at us when we start getting our things together with a minute left. Sorry buddy, but I am not going to be late to my next class (especially tonight).

Eytan called me last night. He's at The Warwick and he's sick. He has a room to himself, so I asked if that's because no one wanted to stay with him since he was sick. He said that was not the reason. I was surprised George didn't arrange to have his own room. Eytan said they all had their own rooms. What?!? That is ridiculous! They never had their own rooms before. That's not the arrangements. What made them think they could do it this time? I asked Eytan if he thought everyone having their own room was necessary. He said it was. I asked if he saw nothing wrong with it. He said he didn't. Eytan's changed a lot in the past several months. I can't imagine him saying there was nothing wrong with everyone having their own room a few months ago. Maybe it's because he's leaving in a few months. Who knows? Something should be done about this though. The main problem isn't that they all have their own rooms. The main problem is that they didn't ask. That's so wrong!

I've been getting really bad foot cramps recently (mostly in my right foot). Maybe I've been sitting in a way that bothers it, I don't know. They're horrible though- especially at night when I'm in bed and suddenly my foot cramps up and I can't figure out how to move it to a flat surface until it goes back to normal.

I had more problems with my Internet connection last night. I didn't even bother calling RCN. They would have assumed the problem was on my end and would have made me go through all the unnecessary checking my computer, checking my modem... And when I tell them I go through this all the time and the problem is always on their end, they either don't believe me or just want to make sure the problem isn't on my end. Too irritating to deal with last night and I was too busy. Fortunately, I got back online around midnight.

It sounds like there's some kind of protest or parade outside my window, but I can't seem to see anything out of the ordinary. I just hear some kind of chanting. Well, I have to leave soon. Maybe it will still be going on (if there really is something there) and I can find out what it is (or at least see it).

I have no idea what happened to my entry from yesterday. I KNOW I wrote one!! I remember writing about getting a 98.2% on my jazz midterm and about Indiana beating Duke and wondering what Bobby Knight had to say about that and about that I thought I did better on this Brain and Behaviour test than I did on the last one (think maybe I got somwhere between 78% and 84%). So what happened to the entry? Not only is it not up on the website, I can't find the notebook file. VERY odd (insert Twilight Zone music here).

I don't have much time right now since I have to go to the Four Seasons and work all day, but thought I'd jot down a few things.

I got to help a beverage company develop new business ideas. That was fun!

"Last Five Years":
- loved Norbert Leo Butz- he is fabulous!
- did not love Sherie Rene Scott- plus she looked too old for this role
- thought there wasn't enough story
- it got a little confusing, not really the switching between past and present thing, but where they were living in the past and the present- I just couldn't figure out when they were in Ohio and when they were in New York
- I love Jason Robert Brown's music!
- Sitting in the front row made it difficult to really see what was going on when they were standing on the edge of the stage- I liked it when they sat on their knees- easier to see
- Why do contemporary actors (and composers too, in this case) feel the need to use their full names?
- I'm glad I got to see it and I would love to have the cast recording

I should have either been working or trying to get to sleep last night, but I couldn't stop watching the Maryland game last night. It was a close match the entire time. But Maryland did some great shooting at the very end and stopped Kentucky from doing the same. Now I'm actually wondering if they can be UConn and make it to the Final Four again.

And poor Jeff, Texas lost by one basket.

The end of the Kansas/Illinois game was nail-biting close. My bracket had Illinois beating Oregon and advancing to the Final Four, and not many other people did (no one in my pool did), so that was an important game for me. I just didn't realise Kansas could get that far. Oh well.

So I just called the Four Seasons to leave a message for Paula. Mike answered the phone and was friendly. Then I needed to call back a minute later to verify what time I needed to be there. George answered the phone and was NOT friendly. Big surprise.

I'm still irritated that my entry from yesterday is missing.

After I got home from my theatre class (Michael is really an actor- I think he semi-memorises his speeches for our classes), I called Eytan to see if he wanted to meet for dinner before the show. He said he wanted to take a nap and go out to eat after the show. I talked him out of that since I thought he should go back to the hotel right after the show and get some rest since he is still sick. He eventually agreed (but had to call me back to tell me, meaning he had to think about it for a while). So we went to Wolf's (I really do love their matzah ball soup). Then we got down to the Village early so we went to that little Mexican place near the Minetta Lane Theatre and I had a couple of drinks. He almost ordered a drink himself but finally decided he shouldn't drink with all the medication he's on. I told him he might fall asleep during the show if he had a drink (he's very easily affected by any amount of substance- he can get really hyper just from eating a piece of chocolate or having a can of coke).

Well, I guess I should finish up a little bit of work and then head over for my day of hell. At least I'll get to talk to a prince (although Neil's more excited about me talking to the prince than I am).

I forgot to mention this yesterday. Yesterday morning I had "For Susan"- that fairly lousy song from "Sweet Smell of Success" in my head. I only know those two words, so it rather annoying having it go through your head like, "la, la, la, la, la, la, la, for Susan."

So yesterday wasn't as bad as it could have been (on a personal level). Maybe because I didn't have much to do with it (just came in, did the phones, and left). My phone situation was fun! I was on with several people at the same time (on different phones)- Eytan kept laughing at me. But I did well. I did more then well- I was great. It helped that the people on the other line were experienced and/or laid back. And as if I didn't have enough fun today, we get to do it again in three weeks. And I'll definitely be needed, so there's no hope of a reprieve.

I was happy not being happy with George and then he has to go and do something like give me a compliment. It was the same one he gave me about a year ago (the one I wrote about a few weeks ago or something), "Your hair looks great,". I'd normally think that he says that to everyone and all the time, but he doesn't tell me that all the time and I've never heard him compliment anyone else except Eytan, so I think he means it. And since I was just complaining that no one compliments me anymore, it was especially nice to get a compliment. So I wasn't completely able to be pissed off at him. Oh well, he'll be here in three weeks, and I'm sure he'll do something to piss me off.

Today I met Harvey for coffee. We talked a little about how he is as a person and why, but we didn't really get anywhere. I don't even remember what I hoped would happen. We talked about how much of his life is devoted to work, and he told me he wanted to do even more- he wants his evenings for studying various things in his field. I told him that 85% of his life is devoted to work, and that I thought he should take more time for other things (entertainment, activities, learning new things, talking to his daughter on occasion...). He doesn't seem to think he needs any time away from work. We didn't get very far on that topic though. We only had about 45 minutes, and then he had to go do other things and get ready to leave. Oh well, maybe we'll be able to talk again one day soon.

Today I'm trying to take a day off (sort of). I'm doing a little work and I ran a few errands (although, once again, I forgot to get batteries for my alarm clock). I'll watch the Maryland game this evening and then watch Six Feet Under later. I might watch a movie after that, if there's anything on that looks interesting.

The last song in last night's episode of Six Feet Under was "Drive" by Joe 90. They were the band that opened for Tull a couple of years ago. I thought they were pretty good. Nice to see they're making a name for themselves.

Finally! A great episode of Six Feet Under! I love Michael Hall and Peter Krause and Francis Conroy!!! And I wouldn't mind living in that gorgeous, huge house with an incredible view. I like that they're continuing to include Claire's guidence counselor in the show (the only minor character I like besides Keith). And wow- next week's episode looks INTENSE!! I really need to remember to tape it before I leave for London (well, I guess I could watch it later that week if I forget).

Weird dream yesterday. I was in my Brain and Behaviour class at Hunter. My project was due and I was supposed to be presenting it that day. My theis? There is Nothing Tim Roth won't do in a movie. Why would I choose that? So I started giving project even though I wasn't prepared at all. The teacher was like Michael- taking ages to make his point. I got about 2 minutes into the presentation and he left the room for a minute to make a point. Before Michael came back, another teacher came into our room. He was treating us like children. He said that he could hear us all the way down the hall and that just because our teacher was out of the room did not give us permission to make noise. Um, excuse me sir, our teacher was in the room and was probably making the noise you heard. There was a woman sitting next to me who was usually in another section of the class but wanted to come to this one since she would be missing her usual section. The obnoxious teacher who came in the room recognised her as a student in his class. He asked her what she was doing skipping his class. She told him that she felt it was more important not to miss the Brain and Behaviour class. He got extremely mad at her and began yelling all kinds of things. Ridiculous- this 40 year old woman should be able to decide what her priorities should be. Anyway, I decided to tell Michael I wasn't feeling well and left class so I didn't have to finish project that I wasn't prepared for. I ran into Josh and his brother (he doesn't have a brother) in the other building. We decided to go hang out. It was getting stuffy in the building and it was a nice day, so I suggested the courtyard (can't imagine Hunter having a courtyard in my waking life, but obviously I can in my dream life). Then I woke up.

I have to figure out when we change the clocks back. I feel like it should be soon.

I'm so excited! They added new questions to some of the categories in the advanced section that I had run out of this month at the It Pays to Learn site. Now I can feed my trivia addiction by answering more questions in Music, Geography, Anatomy & Medicine, Literature, Arts, Media & Politics...

So tonight I'm going to Garage to see a jazz concert that I can write up for my class. Monday nights they have a big band made up of a bunch of Broadway musicians (since most shows have Mondays off). I hope they have a vocalist. I enjoy music much more with lyrics.

I have to order from D'Agostinos in the future. The delivery arrived about an hour late, but they delivered everything I ordered except for 2 things. Not bad. And I don't have to remember to stop and get batteries and film tonight.

I talked to Jon today about plans for the weekend he's staying here. He's still trying to decide on a show (I've given him so much information and he can't make up his mind- he's very picky about what he likes plus he doesn't want to see something not already liked by the majority of the public- he made this comment that I'm still questioning now: "How did we ever get along?"- we never agreed on anything). So I told him to think about it and just order tickets over the phone rather than have me get tickets at the box office for them tomorrow. One less thing for me to do. He also asked if it was okay to have a few friends over Saturday night since he doesn't know when else to see them. I said that was fine (maybe at least one of them will be interesting and we can make plans in the future). Plus, a cousin of his has tickets to "The Producers" that night, so she's going to bring her baby over here and we will all get to hang out with two babies. And if they do wind up going to a show Friday night, maybe Jon and I could go to the Yankees game Saturday afternoon. That would be fun.

I tried to do a little organising for my trip this afternoon, but I didn't get very far (all I did was check my flight information and check the name of the hotel and the closest Tube stop and made a partial list of things I'll need to bring). I'll have to get serious tomorrow (before heading up to the Promanade Theatre in tne evening for "Mr. Goldwyn")!

Well, work stuff is all organised so I don't have to worry about any of that while I'm away (although I will be checking email so I don't miss anything important). Now I just need to organise the notes I made for this trip- addresses of places I want to check out, figure out what museums I want to go to (there really are too many choices- I'll just have to pick one or two), and make sure I have everything I'll need on my things-to-pack list. Then tomorrow I'll be ready to pack and leave.

I also stupidly spent time this morning looking into logistics for the Scotland/Ireland trip in May/June. I definitely have a schedule that will work now and the trains and planes have schedules that coinside with mine. I can leave for Edinburgh on May 26, hang out with Kristin, Christina, and Rebecca on the 27th & 28th, on the 28th- head to Glasgow and stay with Judith & family from the 28th-31st, then on the 31st I can fly to Dublin and stay there through June 2nd, take a train to Cork on the 2nd and stay there until the 4th, on the 4th I can take the train back to Dublin and stay there one more night, then on the 5th- fly from Dubin to Edinburgh and then fly home. There is a lot of travel time doing it this way, but it'll be worth it. I'll get to see more, I won't be in the UK during the Golden Jubilee (which would make travel and seeing things difficult), and I can use the travel time to relax, read, and catch up on journal entries.

Now that Maryland is in the Final Four, I'm more upset about missing this final weekend of March Madness.

So last night I went to Garage. I didn't stay long. The music wasn't super amazing and they didn't have a vocalist, so I got tired of sitting there by myself. I took some notes and will be able to embellish where I need to. I'll worry about it when I get back. I don't think the report is due until April 8th (or something like that).

My weekends are really busy in the near future. Last weekend was a work weekend, this weekend I'll be in London, the next weekend Jon & Michelle & Steven will be here, the next weekend is a work weekend, the next weekend I'll be in Maryland for an eye doctor appointment, and the weekend of May 10th I'll be in Boston. That doesn't leave me much time for school work. I'm a little worried about my Brain and Behaviour paper. I think I'll feel better about it after I pick a topic and do the research. Yeah, the hard part is writing the paper, but I can't even worry about that until I have the preliminary stuff done. The week I get back, I'm going to force myself to pick a topic and start doing research. As for the play I need to write, I'm hoping to write most of it on my flights (especially on the way back). Then from time to time in April, I can tweak it and add all the components of playwrighting we'll (maybe) discuss in class and I can read some books or websites on the topic of playwrighting to make sure I didn't leave any crucial elements out.

Tonight is "Mr. Goldwyn". I haven't really read any positive reviews, and I'm not hoping to love it, but it should be somewhat funny (I can't remember the last time I laughed at something) and it's free. Think I'll grab a drink at Xandos before the show, since it's conveniently located right next to the Promonade Theatre.

"Mr. Goldwyn" wasn't my favourite. There wasn't anything really wrong with it, but it was a little dull. I don't have time to write anymore about it.

As soon as I got to the bus stop on my way home, it started POURING! It seemed to have come from nowhere- one minute it was dry and the next minute it was sheets of rain. Today it looks almost sunny (glad I'm flying today and not yesterday).

I'm all packed and ready to go (and still have about an hour before I need to leave. I probably won't have too much time to write in my journal while I'm away, but that might be a good thing- less to type up when I get home.

I got to Newark at 3:45. My flight was scheduled to depart at 6:38. I'm glad I got there so early! It took 30 minutes to check in and an hour and 40 minutes to wait to go through security. I only sat at the gate for 10 minutes before they started boarding. And of course because security is taking so long, the plane couldn't leave until everyone on the flight got on board. They were working on getting everyone on our flight through security, and we finally took off at 8:00.

I had a nice seat to start with. It was a window (I prefer the aisle) but no one was in the middle. Then I got asked to move to another window two rows back so this couple could sit together. I got to sit next to a large woman who kept hitting me as she slept. And being next to the window made the flight attendents ignore me. I didn't get offered juice or coffee or a landing card. I didn't sleep at all- too uncomfortable and not tired enough to not care. I watched "K-PAX" (it was okay) and "Much Ado About Nothing" (nice to see this one again, even though I have it at home and can watch it anytime).

Then there was a nice long line for passport control. There was one woman keeping everyone at her station for a rather long time- everyone else kept their lines moving. Of course I got passport-control-bitch-from-hell. This how my morning in the UK began:
Her: Why are you here?
Me: Holiday.
Her: How long are you staying?
Me: Three days.
Her: Have you been here before?
Me: Yes.
Her: When was the last time you were here?
Me: Last summer.
Her: You're required to fill out the address of where you're staying in the UK. You should know that since you've been here several times.
Me: I'm sorry, I guess I missed that line of the form.
Her: You don't know where you're staying?
Me: No, I forgot to fill it in. I'm very tired. I didn't get any sleep on the flight.
Her: Fill it in over here and I'll get back to you.
(then I had to wait for her to deal with a few other people before she got back to me)
Her: Are you finished?
Me: Yes, it's all filled out correctly now.
Her: You should have done this earlier.
Me: I'm sorry.
Her: When do you leave?
Me: (slight pause to remember which day it was) Sunday.
Her: I need to see your ticket.
Me: I have an electronic ticket, but I have my itinerary with the flight numbers written down.
Her: (rolling her eyes) I need to see a ticket.
Me: I don't have a paper ticket.
Her: (nasty tone) Show me what you have.
(I showed her what I had)
Her: What do you do in the States?
Me: I do research and consulting and I'm a part time student.
Her: Research? What do you research?
Me: A lot of different subjects.
Her: For whom?
Me: For several different companies.
(snickering, she stares at me, then at my passport, then at me, then looks at every page in my passport, then grunts and smashes the stamper against my passport for a nice dark and crooked Heathrow stamp in my passport)
Geez, what was with the 3rd degree? Bitch.

I took the Tube to the hotel and decided to have breakfast (that's where I am now). The problem with dining alone is that the second you get up, your table is cleared because they think you have left. Well, this is a buffet. I have to get up to go get my food. I went back to my table no more than 30 seconds after I had left, and my stuff was gone (including a full cup of coffee). I asked for more coffee and the woman asked where my cup was. I told her someone must have cleared it away. She glared at me and took 10 minutes to get me another cup. The place is practically empty- it's not like she was busy. Oh well.

Now I think I'll go get changed and head to the British Museum to see the money exhibit. Then I'll go to Lab Bar for a few drinks before seeing "My One and Only".

Then I went to try to find the Piccadilly Theatre, so I wouldn't have to worry about leaving extra time to get lost when I have to go to the show. I'm great! I got off the Tube and remembered exactly how to get there, since I saw "Noises Off" at the Piccadilly Theatre last summer.

So I picked up my ticket for this evening and then walked around Soho a bit.

I randomly picked some Italian restaurant to have a bite to eat even though I wasn't hungry (I needed a place to sit and thought I should eat now so I don't get hungry later when I don't have time to eat anything). I'm making a point of remembering the name of this place- Italian Graffiti. It seems to be a nice place for locals. There is only 1 empty table. Most people seems to be creative types. The two guys next to me are playwrights (or at least they're working on editing a script and they're in the theatre district so I'm assuming they're playwrights). The script title is "The Real Eve". I'll have to keep an eye out for that.

Oh, they just left and one of the guys had a "Fox Kids Europe" bag. Maybe they're working on a movie or TV show for Fox? Maybe these two are bigwigs- I have no eye for picking that type out. In fact, the other night at "Mr. Goldwyn", during intermission, a man walked by me. He looked like the average theatre-goer. Then an usher went up to him and asked for his autograph. It turned out he was some actor. I had no idea who he was.

Now I'll go walk around a bit more- hopefully in the direction of Lab Bar.

Oh, but before I do... there was a sign in the theatre warning of some splashing of water during the show and they offer raincoats to the people in the first few rows. What's with water onstage? Is this a new trendy gimic? I don't think I'll bother with the raincoat. I am in the 1st row, but I doubt the actors will drench the audience (famous last words).

Lab Bar was closed when I finally found it. Not closed permanently- there were keys in the inside lock. I walked around a little longer to see if someone would open it back up soon, but they did not. While walking around, I found a movie theatre. I decided to go see "Gosford Park" since it was playing 15 minutes after I found the theatre and seeing a movie sounded like fun. I loved it but of course need to see it again since Robert Altman just puts too many characters in his movies so it's impossible to catch it all (and this movie, it's important to catch it all). Great movie though, and it was fun to see it in England (and laugh along with the rest of the audience when the characters in the movie were making fun of the one American).

After the movie, I walked back to Lab Bar. It was open and not one seat was available. How irritating! After I gave up trying to find a seat, I decided to walk to the theatre and get a drink at the pub next to the theatre (since that's what I did when I saw "Noises Off" and I enjoyed having a drink there). Well, it took me forever and a day to find the theatre this time. I broke my rules of navigating cities- don't make more turns than you can remember backwards and don't think you can try a short cut after taking more turns than you can remember backwards. Oh well, I finally got there with an hour before curtain. The pub I remembered from last time was no longer open. Something else was coming in its place but was not open yet (the woman there told me they were opening the next day). The 2 closest pubs were packed. I was getting seriously irritated. I finally went to one right opposite the Piccadilly Circus Tube stop, had a quick drink, and went back to the theatre.

I had 4 guys from Alabama sitting next to me in the front row. Alabama. I don't think I've met more than 1-2 people from there. And it's not a place I would think of with a group of straight men taking a trip to London and going to the theatre (we talked during the interval and I learned that they knew a fair amount about theatre). I liked them until the guy next to me started singing one of the songs along with the actors. The show was fair. The leads just weren't leads- neither had much stage presence or a powerful voice. They were not Twiggy and Tommy Tune. Hell, they weren't even half as good as Twiggy and Tommy Tune. Before the show, an usher handed out plastic ponchos to everyone in the first two rows. None of us put it on, but we all held it against ourselves at the end of the first act. They splashed us good! And it was cold!

Difference between the New York subway and the London Underground? New York has huge rats running around on the tracks and London has cute little mice on their tracks.

Last night I watched a little TV and saw a commercial for a hair colour product that I'd like to try. I went to Boots this morning but they were closed. So was the one near the Parliament Building. Is this because it's Good Friday? Maybe I can find it in Cardiff tomorrow.

I walked WAY TOO MUCH yesterday! My feet, ankles, and knees are hurting today. At least I can wear my sandals, so that uncomfortable shoes don't add to the equation.

And of course there was a fire on the Jubilee line at the Westminster station so I got to walk some more this morning to get to the Westminster area. There was a fire at this station when I was there last summer. Is this a common problem or a strange coincidence? anyway, it's a gorgeous day so I didn't mind the walk too much (even though my feet were not happy with me). I walked through Green Park & St. James past Buckingham Palace and over to the London Eye. Now I'm sitting by the river, enjoying the warm weather.

I forgot to mention the long walk along Oxford St. that I took while waiting to see if Lab Bar was going to open. I thought I'd try to find Easy Everything- check my email and stuff while I was waiting. I never found it. Just walked with all the tourists going in and out of all the countless stores. Rather annoying.

After this London Eye thing, I'm going to take the Tube to Baker Street and walk around there a bit and then head over to Lab Bar and try again. I hope the fact that it's Good Friday doesn't affect anything.

The London Eye was okay, but it probably wasn't worth the �10. At least it was a pretty clear day and we could see well to the North and West.

I did go to Baker St. and looked around at all the Sherlock Holmes stuff. London really does take care of its tourists! Almost every neighbourhood has tourist stuff.

I saw a Boots that had a sign saying which location was open on Easter weekend. Turned out the one on Oxford St. was open today. Then I saw a bus that said Oxford Circus, so I hopped on that. I passed a bar with the word "Cask" in the name. It looked just like the bar I went to last year when I met that guy James. I was sure "Cask" was part of the name. Then I looked across the street and saw a food hall that I thought might have been Selfridges (which was across from the bar where I met James). Sure enough, it was. So I knew Boots and Easy Everything were nearby. Too bad this wasn't yesterday when I had extra time- I could have checked my email. Turns out I did have extra time, I just didn't know it then. Anyway, I hopped off the bus and found Boots. They had the hair dye I was looking for! Hope it works!

I took the Tube to Piccadilly Circus and went to Lab Bar. There was a bartender in there, I asked if they were open, he said they opened at 4:30, it was 3:50. So I walked around a bit (my ankle feels better, but my feet are killing me). I went back at 4:30 and a different bartender told me to come back in 20 minutes. Ugh. I found a little bakery and had a crepe and an iced tea. I wasn't hungry, but I hadn't had anything to eat. I don't seem to get hungry when I'm running around all day. When I'm on holiday, I tend to run around the entire time. So when I'm away, I don't eat much.

So now I'm finally at Lab Bar! It's still the perfect bar! New Order playing, cool bartenders, interesting patrons, and of course, excellent drinks! Right now I'm having something with rhubarb steeped vodka, Liquer 43, mango syrup, and passionfruit & guava puree. Yum!

But I'm almost too tired to appreciate it. My feet still hurt even though I'm sitting down and I have a bit of a headache. But dammit, I'm going to enjoy myself!

I've been trying (not very hard though) to work on my play, and I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not worried though if it doesn't get done before I get home. I can always do a little here, a little there when I have some free time. It's the research paper I'll have to make serious time for!

This bar really fills up quickly! When I got here, there were already a few people. Now there is not an empty seat available.

It really doesn't feel like almost a year since I've been here. I've said it before and I'll say it again- time flies! Maybe the entire universe is speeding up and we just don't realise it since everything is continuing with the same time differences in between each other- everything has sped up together in the same way. Or maybe I'm just a lunatic.

Note to self: You can pack more than you think into a day out of town. I feel like I've been here 3-4 days instead of just 2. Which makes my last statement about time even more messed up. But whatever. I've only had 2 drinks (about to start my 3rd) and I feel like I'm high.

Now I feel full of energy! If I didn't already have my room booked here, I'd leave for Wales tonight and save myself the aggrevation of waking up early tomorrow morning.

I really do love the British! Everyone I meet is wonderful. Then when I hear a stupid comment, I realise the accent of the person making the comment is from the States (usually with a midwest sounding accent- not that I'm knocking everyone from the midwest, just the tourists from the midwest- and remember, tourist is different from visitor). Anyway, the culture, the attitudes, the accents, the smooth public transportation... EVERYTHING is terrific here!

Speaking of terrific, there is a gorgeous, sweet and interesting woman talking with her friends near me.

And a random comment- in "Gosford Park", when Parks said to Meadie (I think those are their names) after their kiss, "Whew! I've been wanting to do that since the minute I laid my eyes on you," I was thinking the exact same thing. That scene keeps playing over and over in my mind. That's unusual- to have a scene from a movie playing over and over in my mind. I'm more the kind of person who has lyrics playing over and over. In the past few days, I've had "For Susan" from "Sweet Smell of Success" and "Stars and the Moon" from "Songs for a New World" running through my head.

Okay, the gorgeous girl is getting to girly for me.

I just had about 20 thoughts in my head and they all disappeared.

Oh, I remember one of them. I told myself I wouldn't write so much on my trip- less to type when I get home. So, I guess it's good that the other thoughts went away.

I still have a bit of a headache but feet feel better.

Now I want to talk to someone. I feel I'm getting in a talkative mood. If I talk to someone, I'll stop writing all this crap. But the only person here that's alone (and not involved in conversations that I don't feel like interrupting) looks like a psychopath. And he keeps looking at me. Yuck.

Ooo- they dimmed the lights and mellow, ambient music is playing- now I'm in a completely different mood. The words "making love" (not having sex) just came to mind.

Creepy guy just had a cocktail and a beer in less than 5 minutes. Now he's gone. Good.

God, it really feels like I was just here a few weeks ago. I have a vivid image of writing about the patrons here- with my little names for them.

I really do love this bar. Someone should open something like this in New York. But of course then it would become a pretentious, A-list bar and I wouldn't be able to get in. So I'll just have to come back to London again soon. Not a problem! Who was it that said, "When you're tired of London, you're tired of life," (or something like that)? Too bad I won't have time when I head this way in June.

Okay, one more drink and I'll head back to the hotel for some rest and eventually (hopefully quickly) sleep.

Right now, I'm having fun watching the bartenders play around with each other. And make a drink for someone asking for Malibu (bartender- "Eeew, that's a swear word here. I can make you a Carribbean-lying-on-the-beach kind of cocktail.").

And now I'm enjoying a carribbean/salsa/showtune kind of song. It's fun. It's waking me up more than I already am. I'm sure as soon as I leave, I'll get tired again. I hope so anyway.

Okay, enough writing.

Oh, but one more thing. Alcohol just doesn't effect me the way it does most people. I no longer feel my nice buzz. I feel peaceful though, so that's good.

And of course as soon as I write that, I begin to feel sluggish-drunk. I can never figure myself out. Maybe I'm not meant to be figured out.

I'm on the train to Cardiff now.

I was pretty tired when I got back to the hotel last night, but I couldn't stop watching TV. I watched the East Enders, a FUNNY spoof of "Lord of the Rings" on French and Saunders, and then for some reason got sucked into watching most of "The Prince of Tides". I turned off the TV around midnight and had trouble falling asleep. I don't think I fell asleep before 2:00 AM.

My alarm was set for 6:45, but stupidly I set it for 6:45 PM. I've only done that about 5 times in my life- why yesterday? Fortunately, I woke up around 7:30 (the time I needed to leave). I didn't really need a shower this morning. I wasn't really dehydrated from all the alcohol I had last night- I didn't need 3 glasses of water. I could just throw on clothes and a hat and high-tail it to Paddington.

I took the Tube to Kings Cross where I thought I was going to change to the Circle Line to Paddington. No, there were no trains going there from Kings Cross today. So I took the Victoria Line to Oxford Circus and changed there to the Bakerloo Line to get to Paddington. I managed to get a ticket and still had time to get a bottle of water before the train left! It was perfect. I had 5 minutes of waiting time and then the train arrived (and left on time). I love the UK.

I woke up this morning singing Lowen & Navarro's, "Broken Moon". I still have it in my head and that led to singing Terra Nova songs (ones I hadn't thought about in years, like "Trading Places"). That brought tears to my eyes. If a woman didn't just board in Reading and sit next to me, I'd probably continue singing and make myself even more sad. It's good that she sat here- I don't need to do that to myself. I'm going to Wales! That's a happy thing. I'm looking at rural England out the train window. It's pretty. Looking at farm animals. Thinking about foot-in-mouth disease. Whoops- back to happy thoughts- green grass, old buildings, semi-blue sky, made it on the 9:00 train... Life is good.

Two random comments:
- As I tend to do occasionally when I've been drinking, after I fell asleep, I woke up feeling refreshed, looked at the clock, and it was around 3:00 AM. That's a weird feeling- sleeping for a few minutes and feeling like you've had a good night of sleep.
- I haven't taken many pictures since I've ben here. I don't like a slew of scenery pictures (I like people in my pictures), so I just took a few on the London Eye and one or two in Green Park.

So I got to Cardiff at 11:00 and asked the station about train times back to London. I looked at a website before I left home, and I saw that they ran until late at night. The woman at the station told me the last train was at 7:30. "Godspell" wouldn't be over until around 7:30. The schedule I saw originally was for trains from the Queen St. station (I got off this morning at Central Station). I realised this after I left Central Station. I decided to find Queen St. Station and check the train times there. As I was walking though, I saw signs for Cardiff Castle. I decided to go there first and check the train situation later.

The castle and the grounds were awesome. Each room in the castle had different themes- each with an extremely fancy design! All the themes were from different regions of the world (Greece, Rome, Scotland...) and had writing on the walls in different languages (Arabic, Latin, Hebrew, English...). William Burgess (owner who designed most of the rooms) was a wealthy, well travelled, and well read man! This was one of his several summer homes. On the grounds, they had a reinactment of the U.S. Civil War. Why is Wales? Because most of the colonists in Virginia originated from Wales. It was interesting. They had little camps set up with men in period dress sitting around fires, eating their meals, and talking to each other.

I asked one of the people working at the castle how to get to Queen St. I figured I would need to take a bus since I only walked a short distance from Central Station to the castle and how close could Queen St. Station be? Very close, it turns out. Queen St. was 1 block away from the castle. Cardiff is a lot smaller than I thought it would be.

I walked down Queen St., past the gazillion shops, looking for the station. Finally I asked a policeman and it turned out I only needed to walk another half a block. I asked the man at the station about train times and sure enough, 7:25 was indeed the last train. The schedule I saw before I left had the later trains going to Bristol and changing there. I had left the train station before I thought about this and was going to turn around and ask about those trains and then just decided that I would just leave the show early. I'll check the time during the interval and if I still have time to get to the station, I'll stand in the back until it's time to leave. In a way I prefer it since the schedule I originally saw had 2 connections, took an hour longer, and got me back to Paddington around 12:30 AM which is after the Tube stops running so I'd have to take a taxi back to the hotel.

The teenage girls left and now there are 2 girls sitting quietly up here. I'm feeling rather euphoric right now. Maybe it's the caffeine.

Earlier, I found the New Theatre and decided to pop in and get my ticket for this evening. They asked my name and then my address (I guess to verify I was who I said I was). I just said "New York"- I figured that would be enough verification (if there is another New Yorker seeing "Godspell" today at 5:00, I will apologise to the box office for not giving my complete address). Anyway, when I said my address was New York, everyone at the box office laughed. I'm probably the only person not from the UK (or possibly even Wales) who is seeing this show here in Cardiff.

Ah, the reinactment of the Civil War continues at the castle. I can hear gun shots now. It must be really loud there- I'm 2 blocks away. I'm glad I know that is going on. Otherwise, I'd be nervous hearing all the shooting.

So once again I'm not eating a meal. I'm having a light and fluffy lemon muffin and an iced latte. I thought about getting Welsh Rarebit since it would be fun to try it here in Wales, but the 5 restaurants I've seen don't have it. That's fine, I probably could only eat a few bites anyway. I'm really not hungry. I don't know how I stay healthy. Paula said the Welsh Rarebit at Fortnum & Mason is good- if it's open and not super busy and if I have time and I'm hungry (a lot of ifs there), maybe I'll get it on Sunday before I leave.

As I was walking around earlier, I saw a man wearing a Baltimore Bullets "78" shirt. That's probably the most surprising thing I've seen here.

Okay, now I'm laughing for no reason- the euphoria continues.

Now there are some very cool people sharing my table- attractive, intelligent people discussing Audrey Hepburn.

The coffee cups here have the name of the place- Coffee Republic. It looks like a chain. If it is, I wonder if the others have an atmosphere like the one here in Cardiff. The only problem is that they're playing crappy "light" music/musak.

I wish I had the ambition to write some of my play.

People have not been wanting to talk to me. I've tried to start conversation with several people and no one wants to continue them. And on a somewhat related note, the bartenders were less friendly at Lab Bar last night than they were the last time I was there.

There's a sign for a business across the street that says, "Joseph & Joseph, Joseph & Joseph Solicitors". I wonder if they just have "Joseph & Joseph written twice for symetry (one "Joseph & Joseph on 2 different windows with "Solicitors" written underneath across both windows) or if there are really 4 Josephs working there. I took a picture of it. Hope it comes out.

Speaking of pictures, I took a few of Caridd Castle. At least I'll have something to show people when I return home.

The caffeine rush is wearing off. Feeling a little more mellow now.

I'm writing this and the thoughts in my head before they go on paper are being thought in a British accent. I wonder if that is coming across in the written word. Probably not.

The word "lunatic" keeps popping into my mind. And every time that happens, I think of, "The man in utterly mad. You're playing a lunatic," from "Chess". I love the bass line in the intro of that song!

And this caffeine is having a roller coaster effect. I'm feeling a tad hyper right now. Or at least I'm blaming it on the caffeine- maybe it's my thoughts putting me in this mood.

I love the word "lunatic". I wonder where that word originated from. Does it have anything to do with the word "moon"?

Okay, I've been here for almost 2 hours. As much as I'm enjoying sitting here, I think I'll go wander a bit more before heading over to the theatre. Plus, wandering will keep me from writing any more. This is going to be slightly obnoxious to type up.

One more little thought before I go though. I've been having thoughts of my theatre class from time to time. I'm actually looking forward to going back to that.

This production of "Godspell", while it had its problems (why must I always be so negative), was a religious experience! Scott Schwartz, director, completely modernised it- cell phones, email, video...- and it worked! I spent the first half of Act I crying. I miss performing and always miss it more when I see something like this- especially a show I've always wanted to do. Jesus and Judas were the weak links. Britain, like the US, likes to put pop stars in theatre productions. Jonathan Wilkes and Daniel MacPherson switch off nightly in the roles of Jesus and Judas. I really didn't care for either one. Everyone else ranged from above average to very good. As asn ensemble, they sounded wonderful. It wasn't individual performance that moved me- it was the entire experience with the fact that I love this show and want to be in it thrown in that did it. I think this show needs to be performed by young people. That doesn't leave me much time to get in a production. Hopefully, I'll continue to look about 10 years younger than I truly am, I can lie about my age (who doesn't?), and get in a production. Hopefully I can find one that will take me. I'm pretty upset I couldn't see the entire show. During the interval, a helpful guy at the box office called the bus station for me to see if there was a bus leaving for London later than the 7:25 train. Sadly, there was not. Fortunately, there was a monitor showing the production in the lobby. The picture was bad but I could hear pretty well. I stayed until the end of "By My Side" (beautiful, but of course would have been better in my third row, almost centre seat). Then I got in one of the taxis that lined up outside the theatre and took that back to Central Station (if I had known they were there, I could maybe have stayed for "We Beseech Thee" before leaving- the guy doing that one had a wonderful voice). Seeing "Godspell" also reminded me of seeing Kris in 2 different productions (one he played Judas and the other, Jesus). He was always amazing to watch onstage.

And of course my luck, a huge woman just sat next to me. And she smells HORRIBLE! Hopefully she won't be going all the way to London.

I really want to sing full out right now. I want to walk down a quiet (but safe) street in London and sing. But that's not really an option. Well, it is, but I choose not to do that. I will walk around singing quietly though.

Oh, one more thing about "Godspell". When Judas was baptising everyone, he also baptised the audience a bit. His little splash of water made it to the third row. This makes the third show I've seen this month involving water being splashed into the audience ("Godspell", "My One and Only", and "Metamorphoses"). This is an interesting trend. I like it. It gets you more involved in the production.

Right now my foot wants to cramp up. I'm trying to keep it as still as possible. I'd love to stretch out my leg a little but there isn't any room. Between the woman next to me and the woman across from me, I have about 2 inches of room for my foot.

There is a rowdy bunch in the next car. I'm assuming they're coming from a football game. They're singing and chanting and stuff. And there are screaming kids in this car. I'm really enjoying my nice, comfortable, quiet ride.

After I stopped writing on the train last night, I got in a conversation with the woman across from me. Theresa- Jesus loving, Bible carrying, friendly, not preachy Theresa. The reason we got in a conversation was because the 4 of us (Theresa, huge smelly woman, and her daughter) were talking about where we were from. Theresa- Kent, smelly woman & daughter- the south of Ireland. When they heard I was from the States, the daughter said she had family in Maryland. I told them I was from Maryland, and Theresa said that she worked in Bethesda for 3 years for a market research company. Small world.

We talked about Christianity, science, Maryland, and the world in general. When I told her I had just seen A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000002VDC/qid=1017705657/sr=8-3/jshomepage">"Godspell", she told me God was trying to let me find him. I don't know about that, but it was strange coincidence. She gave me her email address, but I doubt I'll write to her. It was an interesting way to pass the train ride. Oh, and the other weird coincidence was that she worked in Bethesda but lived in other places, including Good Luck Road in Laurel- extremely close to where I used to live. I should have asked her when she lived there. Maybe it was in '94, when I was in Laurel.

On the Tube back to Russel Square, I heard a guy say to his friend that they had one more stop, "Russel Square- where nobody else gets off." He had an American accent and was kind of cute, so I struck up a conversation telling him that I too was getting off at Russel Square and then asked him where he was from. Turned out they were from Iowa and on a trip with their high school AP English class for Spring break. I guess a high school boy is a little young for me ;) He was pretty cool though. He told me about all the plays (5 of them) they saw. They saw "My One and Only" as well and that was his least favourite. He loved "The Complete Works of Shakespeare". This guy had good taste. I didn't realise high schools in Iowa would let their students run around London at night by themselves. They were very mature, but still...

I'm so glad the hotel had signs reminding us to change the clocks last night. I never would have known to do that otherwise. So I got an hour less sleep and had A LOT of trouble getting out of bed this morning. I had a feeling I would, so I had set my alarm earlier than I needed to get up. I hit the snooze button for an hour and then rushed around to get ready to leave. I managed to check out around 10:30. I figured that if I was later than 11:00, I would call the front desk, tell them that I forgot to change my clock, and ask if it was okay to check out a little later than 11:00. But I didn't have to do that.

I turned on the TV while I was getting ready this morning and there was some show on about pop music (or something like that). I rather liked The Streets new single, "Let's Push it Forward".

Now I'm in Notting Hill. I found a Coffee Republic (see, I knew it was a chain) so I decided to come and write here. I like this one as well. Same crappy easy listening music though. There's an interesting guy sitting alone, reading the paper. Think I'll ask him if he knows where the cool music store I found here last summer is located.

So last night when I got back to my room, I turned on the TV and found out that the Queen Mother died. Big news. It's interesting to be here in London when it happened. I wonder what kind of coverage there is about it in the States. I also watched a bit of the news on the French channel and understood it (story about the madness going on in Israel). That was great. I really should keep practicing my French. At least I could be semi-fluent in one other language. And then when I feel more comfortable with that, maybe I can learn another language. Maybe Portugese. That way, not only would I learn another language, I could understand Spanish (they have similarities) a little more as well without actually learning Spanish.

As much as I'd like to stay in London longer, I'm also ready to be home. I'm not ready to get back to reality, but I'm ready to enjoy the relaxing part of being at home (if I have any time for relaxing- I hope I can make time for that).

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