March

"Aida"... I'm still not sure I can say how I felt about it. Random comments then:
- The set and effects got in the way of the show
- Adam Pascal should not play Radames. All I kept thinking was, "What is Roger doing in Egypt?". I wish I could have seen the understudy, Matt Bogart, who was fantastic in "Side Show" at the Signature Theatre.
- Heather Headley- I don't know... Part of me loved her, part of me was indifferent, sometimes it seemed like she was an arrogant bitch, sometimes it seemed like she was performing this part for the first time (in a good way). I can say that she was memorable.
- I liked John Hickok
- I loved the idea of the show
- It effected me more than I wanted it to
I guess that's all I can say about "Aida". I'm glad I went. I don't think I would want to see it again.

In the middle of the show I started thinking about relationships. I wondered if that because I haven't been in one for a while now, if I've adapted to be being indefinitely single. Humans adapt very easily. Do I even want to be in a relationship? Very rarely. But sitting in that theatre last night, I had the thought that it was time to be a part of someone's life again. Maybe it's because my birthday's coming up and I'll be a year older. When I was younger I was sure I'd be married with a child by now. I certainly am not ready for that in my life right now. But looking at my future plans, married with a kid doesn't fit anywhere. Maybe YEARS down the road... But I don't want to be 40 and have a newborn. I know it works for some people, but I just can't imagine. I know you can't completely plan your life, and up until now, I've been good at just going with the flow. But it seems at some point, you have to plan for the future and settle in for the long haul. I'm not ready to do that. Everyone older than me tells me constantly, "You're so young." "Well, you're still young." "You have your whole life ahead of you." But I don't see it quite that way. I am young, but in general, most people, throughout history and presently, who are my age are more settled by now. I'm perfectly happy the way my life is currently, but I also don't want to look back and regret that I did not do something sooner. I sort of feel that way about college, although I don't think about that too much (only when I watch a movie about college students and they're all 18-22). I wish I completely believed in NOT having control over your destiny. I do believe that things happen for a reason, but I also believe that you have choice. Maybe you do have choice and you choose things for a reason. I don't know. But if I believed completely in everything happening for a reason, that would make life a lot easier. I guess I just don't want responsibility. But right now I'm just thinking that I'm lucky for the things I have, lucky that I even have choices, and I should just be happy with life and go back to going with the flow. I'm just scared that one day I'll look at myself going with the flow and wonder what I've been doing and how my life is passing me by.

Whew- I didn't mean to get into all of that.

Anyway- I woke up early, straightened the apartment, did some work, and now am about to go to school to finish my paper and hopefully start the Math workshop. There might even be time (if I leave soon), to see a movie. But the only movie playing in walking distance of the school that I would see is "The Wedding Planner". I'm not too hopeful about it but it's better than the other choices in the area. But that's probably not a good movie to see given my current state of mind. Maybe I just won't see a movie. That sounds safer.

I wrote some random comments at school tonight. Here they are:
The past two times I had caffeine, I got extremely tired.
I can't get "The Gods Love Nubia" out of my head.
If I ever have a baby girl- I would consider naming her Nubia.
VERY tired!
Pissed about the Math workshop. Once again I got there and there were no computers available. Have to remember to email that woman in charge to let her know.
So I went to Starbucks again. This time there were no seats. I sat on the end of a bench with no table for me to put my stuff on.
VERY, VERY tired!!
"Time Out New York" reviewer agrees with me about Adam Pascal being miscast as Ramades!
If I was in town last weekend, I could have seen "Dancing with Swords". Sounds like it would have been cool. Should find out more about it to see if it'll be back or if I can find something else like it or to see if it's even something I would like at all.
Maybe Joel will wake me up tonight.
Had a thought today- maybe Joel is gay. He has those qualities- single, well groomed, adorable, and I think he lives in Chelsea. Hopefully I'm wrong.
I wish attendence wasn't required for classes- I'd love to skip some- especially today- I'm TIRED!
I miss throwing knives.
My handwriting looks better when I'm tired- I guess 'cause I write slower.
I was right- as soon as Joel walked into the room, I woke up!
Now they seem to be splitting the talk time in class. Joel did current events and John did the book part. Makes sense. It's sure better than the bean bag thing.

Anyway, I'm really not looking forward to my birthday. I think it's because I like to mark the occasion somehow. Even if it's just knowing that someone knows it's my birthday. Like I enjoy getting carded on my birthday, just to hear someone say "Happy birthday". That won't happen this year since people don't card me in New York. Last year I gave a speech on my birthday and was able to mention it in the speech and the class all said "Happy birthday". Other years I went out with friends. This year, nothing will happen. I won't even be around people. I won't feel like I exist. I mean, that's the whole point of a birthday- that you were born. If no one acknowledges your birthday, does that mean you don't exist? I know, that's stupid. At least Paula and Harvey will call me (I'm assuming). And maybe Rebecca, Eytan, and Neil & Maxine (if they're not too busy with Abby). So at least I'll be acknowledged and I can know that I really do exist. Yesterday I found a web site of someone who actually has my birthday. I've never met anyone with my birthday. There aren't even any famous people (that anyone has ever heard of) with my birthday. Finally, I found someone. Guess I'm not unique. Anyway, that person decided, what's the point of a web site if you don't use it to advertise your birthday and let people give you gifts? They put a link to their Amazon Wish List. I think I'll do the same in case there are any kind and generous people out there ;)

I really like "The Gods Love Nubia". I just love African sprit- their music, their dance... I used to love taking the African dance class at the School for the Arts with Stephanie Powell. Too bad I sucked. I just have no soul. And my body just doesn't move like that. It was beautiful to watch most of the people in the class though. The three of us white folk (and Emily, whose mother was white) stood at the back of the class and watched the rest.

Napster really wants me to listen to "People Like Us" from "The Wild Party". It's always the second song it plays when I load it up (and put it on random order). It's done it 6 times in a row now. Now, there's no way it's random. There has to be a little guy somewhere in there making me listen to it. I wonder what would happen if I deleted it? What would it play then? I can't fool with it. If it wants to play it, then I shall listen. But tonight, no matter what it plays, I still have "The Gods Love Nubia" in my head.

Little annoying computer-related things are happening tonight. Geocities won't let me update my site (well, it does, but only after trying several times). Napster keeps shutting down. I guess that's it- but both of those things are annoying. I shouldn't complain though. Those are the first annoying things that have happened since I got this computer (except the one time it wouldn't shut down and I couldn't figure out how to take out the battery to get it to shut down, but that only took a few minutes to figure out).

Slept from 5:00 AM- 1:30 PM. Finally, a nice amount of sleep. Just wish it was at more normal hours.

Did some work, went to the bank, and rented a few movies. Pretty unexciting day.

I have a ton of things I need to get done but none of them are urgent. So I just keep thinking about them and not really doing anything. I really need to make a list and cross them off one by one. The most important thing would be calling RCN and asking them why I don't have the features that I'm paying for (like call waiting). And calling about my shoes. I keep meaning to do that and never remember until late at night when the place is closed. As long as I get them by the end of next week, that'll be good enough.

I had the brilliant idea of looking for clothes today. I kind of need some warmer shirts still so I thought the stores would still have them. I also need a warm business outfit. Well, I went to Banana Republic, Bloomies, The Gap, Anne Taylor Loft, and Country something (up near Hunter) and couldn't find ANYTHING. Most things were for Spring which would be fine in itself, but these clothes were UGLY! I couldn't even find anything I wanted to try on. I spent an hour walking around and wasting my time. I guess it wasn't a complete waste of time since now I know that most places aren't going to have anything I like. I still want to find stores that have affordable stuff that I like (and that will fit me). I wish I knew where to look. I'm so bad at the clothes shopping thing. I got really lucky at Arizona Mills last year. I found stuff I liked and didn't get uncomfortable or violent at all (except waiting in line at Burlington Coat Factory). I liked Anne Taylor Loft the best but they didn't have anything I liked today. Maybe it's just this season's clothes that I don't like. But not all stores have only this season's clothes, right? I need help! Lisa has great clothes. I think I'll have to remember to ask her where she gets stuff. But she's so skinny and tall. I hope the places she goes to has stuff that will fit me.

I tried to watch "Steal this Movie" last night but couldn't get past the first 20 minutes. I rented it because of Janeane Garofalo but didn't like the subject (Abbie Hoffman documentary) and didn't like the way it was presented. And I couldn't deal with all the hippy talk- it was too much.

I used to like going through my mail- reading catalogues, paying bills, getting checks... Now I hate it. I put it off until the last minute. I have no idea what caused the sudden change, but I don't like it.

The birthday present I ordered for Jay came today. Now I don't have to worry about that, I just have to worry about remembering to bring it with me.

I should look at train schedules today. Neil alerted me to the fact that I don't have to go all the way to DC and then take the Metro to College Park. I can just take the train right to New Carolltown. I always wondered where that was exactly. Now I can find out.

Oh my God!! Napster did it again! It played "People Like Us" from "The Wild Party" second when I loaded it up. Is there some secret coding that makes it do that or is just being really freaky? Anyone out there know?

Okay, I made train reservations for next Saturday. If the trains are on time, it works out very nicely!

Happy day! I've been looking forever for this song that I heard on the Dr. Demento show years ago. I didn't know the name or who did it. I only knew the lyrics. Well, after a bit of searching today, I found it! It's by Ruth Wallis and called "Davy's Dinghy". I searched to see if I could find an MP3, but no luck. Then, being the stubborn person that I am, searched Napster one more time. Thanks to ve3thx who provided me with the song. It's really not that great, it's just that I've been looking for it for so long that it seems fantastic!

Found my grocery shopping routine. I just learned that the Food Emporium does deliver (during the day). And they have stuff I like! I went up there (even though I didn't want to go on a Sunday before a possible snow storm) this afternoon, navigated through the crowded aisles, and went to the check-out line that delivers. So I stocked up on heavy things like cartons of juice and bottles or iced tea! So now I have stuff to eat in case it does snow (although the latest is that we're not going to get much which is what I figured).

No real plans today except to read The Times for class. I'm in a cozy reading mood today. Maybe I'll start the Neil Gaiman book I got a few months ago and haven't read yet.

Why is it that I never have much to say on the weekends?

I've also been in the mood to go to a Rave (I know they still exist but I don't know anything about them in New York). What's going on with me? Maybe it's the birthday thing- wanting to regress to keep myself from getting a year older. I've only been to one Rave (since they started calling them Raves) and that was in '92. Are they still the same? Do I really want to go knowing that I'll be the oldest one there? I don't even have anyone to go with. Guess I'll have to pass on that then.

I'd better go read The Times before it's midnight (when it'll go away, I'm assuming).

I'm so glad I can be alone today. It really feels like a Sunday. The kind of day people think of Sundays to be. Warm and cozy, reading the newspaper, having some tea, reading a book... I feel very content today.

I had a VERY atypical dream, for me, last night. First of all, carnivals are often in my dream and they always sell some sort of snowball that always looks really good. Anyway, I dreamed that I was at a carnival and met up with some guy and his wife. The guy and I found a piece of paper that looked odd. We picked up up and this multimedia presentation started that only we could see. It was about Suddam Hussein and his plans. It said if we went, it would be dangerous but we might be able to help bring him down. So we went. Of course I can't remember all the details now (it woke me up at 7:00 and then I went back to sleep for a little longer) but it was like a movie. In fact, when I woke up, I wanted to write it down and sell the screenplay. Actually, it seemed so much like a movie, and since I never have dreams that are like a movie, I was sure I'd read about a movie like it. I lay in bed mentally searching IMDB but couldn't find anything. Anyway, we went but nothing happened. Then we got back, went to the carnival, and got another multimedia presentation. It was Hussein himself saying that he plans to blow up the world unless someone kills him. Well, meanwhile the wife of the guy helping me was getting upset about how much time he was spending with me. Upset is actually an understatement. She had a gun and was going to kill me when I walked in the door. She didn't know that I was already inside. The door opened, she fired, and she shot Hussein. He had come to put a stop to our actions and wound up getting killed so he couldn't blow up the world. That's when I woke up- when the movie ended. Later that night I had a dream about a cute stranger that I was competing for with another girl. I gave up and woke up.

Marcell called this morning. She's talking about getting together sometime after this week. We'll see. She also mentioned maybe needing help with her computer (see, I thought that would happen). I told her about Neil & Maxine's adoption since Paula hasn't called to tell her yet (I told her they were busy and out of town, which is true). Anyway, we talked for a few minutes and then she had to go.

I'm starting to make all the calls I've been meaning to make. I called AT&T to sign up for Starwood points. Unfortunately, they won't take effect for 6-8 weeks. What is it with things taking 6-8 weeks? Deliveries take 6-8 weeks, programs you sign up for take 6-8 weeks. What happens during those 6-8 weeks? I also called about my shoes, but the person who answered couldn't help me and told me to call back in an hour. Then I emailed the woman running the Math workshop to ask if I can wait to take it in the Fall so I don't have to stop and start it. Now I just need to go through my mail and pay bills. Once I do that I'll feel much more on top of things.

I really need to get some lightbulbs. I need one for the lamp I still haven't set up, one for the hallway in my bedroom, and one for the living room lamp. It's awfully dark in here right now. I'll try to remember on my way up to school tomorrow.

I don't know why the weather people are still predicting snow for NYC. I don't think we'll even get one inch. It's supposed to be sleeting right now. All it's doing in my neighbourhood is misting.

Okay, there has to be something in the Napster code telling it to play the same song second every time. I had to load it up twice today and both times it played "People Like Us" second. Strangely enough, I still like the song.

I can't believe how everyone is overreacting about the weather situation. It's not bad yet. We might not get anything at all. Most of the time, we get clobbered with snow and no one is prepared. Why, suddenly, are people getting overprepared? Schools were closed today and some have already said they would be closed tomorrow (I still can't find where my stupid school lists its closing announcements), airlines are cancelling flights for tomorrow, and tractor trailers aren't allowed in Connecticut (at least Connecticut is getting snow). I wouldn't mind getting a big snowstorm. I don't have to shovel the stuff and I certainly wouldn't mind not going to classes (except I wouldn't get to see Joel).

Oh, and Napster froze, so I loaded it back up and sure enough, "People Like Us" was the second song. I really want to find out what the deal is. I need to start asking around.

I got an email from the stupid woman at the Math workshop this morning. She told me to go back (during the time I told them I would be there) and if there aren't any computers available, I should talk to the supervisor and they will kick off anyone not signed up at that time. Gee, thanks. It's March 6th (one day till my birthday) and I still haven't started the damn thing. I'm not going to finish before the end of the semester. I'd go extra hours but there probably won't be a computer available and if there is, someone signed up at the time that I'm there will probably kick me out. This is irritating. So I guess I have to go up there today. I don't want to. I was hoping it would start snowing more (it's flurrying now) and they would close the school. I found a TV station's web site that lists school closings and I'm assuming Hunter would be listed if it was closing. I feel like a little kid, looking out the window every so often to see if the snow is sticking- it's not. I guess I should go get ready to leave for the day.

I managed to start the Math workshop. I did 5 of the lessons (they start off with simple addition and subtraction so they didn't take long) and took the tests. Then I had enough so I just went upstairs to wait for English. It was cancelled. If I didn't like the Urban Affairs class so much and if they didn't take attendence and if I didn't want to see Joel, I would have gone home. But I stayed around. I talked to a woman in my English class for a little while (she was waiting for her next class too) which was interesting. She's a French major from the Carribbean who works at the UN. Then I got to the Urban Affairs class and Joel wasn't there. John taught since Joel was stuck in Toronto. He didn't take attendence. Ugh, I could have gone home at 4:00 and been productive here.

Now I'm upset. I finally got over the fact that I have to spend my birthday completely alone. I even managed to schedule a consulting conference from 4-7 so I'd have to do something rather than the usual, make-myself-work-or-pay-bills-or-run-errands type of day. Something planned is good, even if it is work. Now I talked to Paula tonight and she wanted to know if I wanted her and Harvey to come up tomorrow. Well if it had been planned in advance, I think it would have been fine. I know they mean well and care a great deal about me. But it just seems so pathetic. Having such a pathetic life that your parents want to plan a last minute trip (they were waiting to see if anything important happened with work that they needed to be around for) to celebrate with their pathetic daughter. It just made me feel lousy. I still feel pretty lousy. If they never had brought it up I would have been fine. Now I don't know what to do. I don't want them to feel like I don't want them here. But I really don't want them here; not to mention the fact that I will be busy from 4-7. I would have been much happier just talking to them on the phone (and to the other people who call). It's just hard to finally get used to an idea and then have it altered. I don't want it altered, but it's too late for that. The new additions are already planted in my head. And I just can't stop thinking about it. And now I don't know what to do. I think things will look different in the morning. But then when they do call, I'll know they offered to come up here and I didn't want them, and I'll feel bad, and I'll feel miserable all over again. But if they do come up, I won't be in a celebrating mood. I want the impossible- to forget we ever had the conversation. But since that can't happen, I can't come up with the second best thing. It's either forget the conversation (impossible) or be miserable in any other situation. HELP! I don't know what to do. I think I should call them back but I wouldn't know what to say. I know they'll say they were trying to make things better and not worse, and I know that.

Then I went to Pig n' Whistle, on Eytan's suggestion. It wasn't too exciting but I stayed for two drinks. It was the crappy bar tender who breaks things all the time. There were a few people there but I didn't talk to any of them.

Now I'm home and have to get up early so I should think about getting in bed soon so I can at least fall asleep by 3:00. I made arrangements to do some research at the PF tomorrow morning. Then I was going to rent a couple of videos, do the online conference thing, watch the movies, and go to bed. Not a bad day, I don't think.

Again, thank you, Eytan.

Happy birthday to me...

I'm feeling much better today. I decided not to go to the PF until tomorrow so I can have more of a relaxing day.

Got an email from Leo this morning. That really made my day. I don't remember the last time I heard from him. He mentioned that he drove through Laughlin, NV with his current girlfriend and he kept mentioning the IWII New Years trip. So now he got me thinking about it and what a fun and interesting trip that was. And I'm not even depressed thinking about all the fun I used to have and how little fun I'm having now. I can just look back fondly. I know Leo doesn't remember it's my birthday today, but it was especially nice getting an email from him today (as opposed to last week or something).

And it's nice getting other little birthday things too. Several clients send me email birthday wishes. Sylvia sent me an email. Neil and Maxine sent me a balloon (I've never had one of those balloons). I got birthday cards from Sylvia, Neil & Maxine, and Jay & Sherry. And I talked to Paula and Harvey for a second as well. I'm feeling loved today.

Just read "On this day" from The Times and learned that Stanley Kubrick died on this day in '99. I thought it was later in the year. Guess not. And Willard Scott is the only famous person I've heard of with my birthday (and I don't really know who he is except that he's on the Today Show which I never watch- I wouldn't recognise him).

Wow, Marcell just called me. That was really nice of her. I told her my birthday was today when I talked to her the other day and she said "happy birthday" then. I didn't think she would actually call today. What a nice surprise. I'm feeling better and better. I think I've heard from more people today than any other year, actually (well almost).

And thinking back on birthdays... I just remembered one birthday when I was dating Jon. We went to Borders for a poetry reading that he thought I'd like. Well, I didn't. Not only that, he brought me there and then left since he wanted to go help his father out at his store. That was kind of weird.

Other memorable birthdays... '97- getting to see Once Hush in Fells Point with Brian. '96- hanging out with Terry and getting to see GSO at Pedro's. '93- being stuck down in North Carolina with a bunch of people I didn't like. '77- getting a little yellow Woodstock (as in Snoopy and Woodstock) comb.

Not much else on my mind today. Now I'm going to go rent some movies.

There was a woman at the video store asking about Sex in the City. She didn't know anything about it but heard it was good. So she rented that. She also heard The Sopranos was good so she rented that too even though she didn't know anything about it. Do most people not care what things are about or who is in it as long as it's popular and recommended? I guess that's how things get popular, because enough loud people talk about it and other people remember the name and decide to check it out. Anyway, the woman was on the street corner as I was walking home and she asked me what I rented. I told her and I don't think she had any clue what I was talking about. I guess it's just not popular enough. Still, I thought since she was older, she would have at least heard of the show. I guess that's pretty generalising of me- just because she's in her 60's or 70's doesn't mean that she knows about musicals.

Do people in NYC get fresher milk than people anywhere else or milk that's not as fresh? I was looking at the sell-by date on my milk and it said March 15 except in NYC- March 12. What's that about?

As I turned on the TV to watch my movie, it was on Comedy Central, so I got to watch Who's Line is it Anyway? I LOVE LOVE LOVE that show!

Oh, and Napster is just messing with my head. That has to be it. The last two times I loaded it up, it didn't play "People Like Us" second, in fact, it didn't play it at all.

If AOL/Time Warner and AT&T are rivals, how can they both be partners with Continental?

I decided to wait and go to the PF tomorrow. Today I'm going to pay bills and go to school (and Math workshop). Tomorrow I will hopefully pick up my shoes on the way to the PF (they're close to each other). This seems more logical and efficient to me.

I still didn't find too much information about a chorus to join, but I emailed an all-male chorus and a gay-male chorus to ask if they knew of a chorus I could join.

I've been contributing to Epinions again. I've written stuff on "Music Man", "Aida", Broadway discounts, and the book "City Tripping". My favourite writer, Bonies7, wrote 2 yesterday. It was fun to read his again. You may not make as much as you used to ,but it's still a fun site. I still love writing about my opinions.

I went to the cafeteria for a few minutes since for once they weren't playing loud rap (they were playing cool techno). I didn't stay long though.

I got to English early and Tara, the girl I like in my English class, was there. We hung out till class started. We also exchanged phone numbers so perhaps I'll have someone to go out with soon. If I was going to be in town this weekend, I'd give her a call.

English was boring. She started talking about "Twelfth Night" and assumed she asked us to read it. She asked me the first question (she LOVES calling on me and I wish she would stop) and I told her I didn't read. She asked me why I didn't read and I told her I didn't know we were supposed to. She acted surprised and then everyone else helped me out by saying she didn't tell us to read anything. She said, "I guess it's my fault, well, please catch up for Tuesday." Fine, I will now that I know. I really didn't want to stay for the whole class but couldn't figure out how to leave without making a big deal. So I stayed.

Urban Affairs was okay. Joel didn't talk much today (poor guy). I didn't really want to be there either. I guess I just don't want to be in school period. Still, it was a useful class, talking about population and stuff.

Eytan called tonight to see if he could see me when I come down to Maryland this weekend. I don't know why he's trying so hard, given that I just saw him 2 weeks ago and he'll be up here for 6 days next week. He wants to drive from Baltimore City to Towson to Frederick to College Park and back to Baltimore just to see me. Then he realised that sounded ridiculous so he cut out the College Park and just wanted to come to the dinner in Frederick. I told him he's welcome to come but I still didn't understand why he wanted to do all that driving after working all day in Towson. It's not like we'll be celebrating my birthday- it's all Jay. So, we left it up in the air- he'll call me Saturday afternoon. Anyway, we wound up talking for 2 hours. He LOVES the phone. He would have still been talking if he didn't have to pee around 11:45 (he had to get off the cordless phone since the battery was dying and switch over to a corded phone that didn't reach the bathroom). So much for going to the gym tomorrow. He told me I was a bad influence on him- hey, it's not my fault, I tried to get off the phone several times. I had a lot I was going to do tonight since tomorrow is a busy day as well and then I'll be gone Saturday and most of Sunday. Now it's Midnight. I still will do a few things, but not all of it. When he called, I was in the middle of some research, going through the mail, looking up some census data, downloading music, checking my email, and checking theatre ticket availibility for "Music Man" tomorrow night (since it's the last day to get a discount code that I can attend). I gave up on that though. Guess I'll have to settle for TKTS and hope that the seats available aren't too far away. So now I'll skip the mail and do that tomorrow morning and skip the Census thing since that can wait, and I'll just check email and finish up the research.

Tomorrow is a busy day. I have to wake up, go through the mail and pay bills, do some work, pack for the weekend, pick up my shoes, and go to the PF. I was also thinking of asking David if he wanted to see a movie tomorrow night, but he probably won't want to go, so I should also have some free time tomorrow evening.

Happy birthday Lisa!

Napster is playing "Gods Love Nubia"- still LOVE that song!

Had a weird dream last night (this morning). I was back in "Music Man". It was mostly like our old production but the only person in my dream who was really in the show was Jennifer Dale. Other people in my dream that I recognised- Tracey, Robb, and Avi. I knew I wasn't supposed to be in it, but I wanted to at least do one scene. I was wearing my costume from the "Oklahoma" production I did in '97. I wanted to try to at least do Wells Fargo since there wasn't any dancing in that (didn't want to screw up the dance), but I didn't remember when it was. I also was barefoot. So I hung out with Avi on the picnic tables backstage. Then I was driving around Chirstiansburg and there was LOTS of construction- houses being built. I was staying at Josh's and overheard Chandra complaining about me to Josh (I think she wanted me to overhear). They were making pancakes in the kitchen while I was listening to music in the living room with Nathan. Then I woke up.

I didn't get much sleep. I managed to go through all my mail at 2:00 AM and decided that because I did that, I didn't have to force myself to fall asleep before I was tired. Then Josh was online so I chatted with him for at least 2 hours. He went to bed around 5:00 AM. I still wasn't tired. I finally got in bed at 6:30 AM even though I wasn't tired but thought I should try to sleep a little. Actually, that wasn't a good idea. Now I won't get to sleep tonight either and I have to wake up tomorrow to catch the train. Oh well, maybe I'll manage to fall asleep somehow.

This afternoon I'll go pick up my shoes, go to the PF, ask David if he wants to see a movie, get off the subway at 57th to go to Ricky's to pick up hair dye, go home, and either get ready to see a movie or just organise some stuff and pack and try to get tired enough to fall asleep.

Mission accomplished at the PF today. Unfortunately, David wasn't there. It's just as well. I'm kind of tired (although, I'm usually tired in the evenings) and should rest tonight and hopefully get to sleep at a somewhat normal hour.

I've been in the mood to take pictures. Hopefully it will be getting warmer soon and I can wander all around the city finding interesting things to capture in a photo. I did take one picture in Baltimore when I was last there. The benches in Baltimore no longer say, "Baltimore, the city that reads." It says, "Baltimore, best city in the world" (or something like that). I had Eytan take a picture of me sitting on the bench and giving the finger to the sign. I'd take pictures at the party tomorrow night but I don't want pictures of those people. When Rebecca and her friend, Kristen, come to visit- that would be a perfect time to take pictures. By the beginning of April, it had better be warm. And of course I'll take pictures of Savannah, Little Rock, and everywhere in between. Speaking of that trip, I should figure out how to contact Dana to see if we can meet up when I'm nearby and possibly use her for a place to crash. Plus, it would be a good opportunity to meet her husband (since I wasn't invited to the wedding).

The clothing store near me, were I found a shirt, is open again. Think I'll go now and see if they have anything I can wear for the auction next week (and maybe for tomorrow night too).

I got a brochure for tour travel today. I'm interested in the London Theatre Tour which sounds fantastic and affordable. The only thing I don't understand is if it's only for groups or if an individual can join an already formed group. I emailed the woman I contacted earlier. I'm hoping for good news.

I'm packed and ready to go. Can't wait for the chaos party tomorrow. I just don't understand why they want to take a bunch of screaming infants and toddlers to a fancy restaurant. Hopefully I can sit at the quiet end of the table. Or maybe it will be a bunch of tables and I can sit at the quiet one.

Wow, the woman at the travel place already sent me back an email. This place is good! She said I can join a group already formed. She's going to look that up and get back to me with the dates for this summer. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

The train ride was fairly uneventful but very quiet (I guess since it was a Saturday). I saw next to a group of people from Ireland- they were going to Phili for the big parade and will be back in New York next week for the parade there. They were fun. I got sick from reading. I guess I can't read on trains anymore either.

The party tonight was pretty much like I expected- loud, chaotic, and not organised (it took two hours before we could even order dinner). Fortunately, I didn't have to sit at a table with Sherry's family. I talked to them for a minute each. I sat with Neil & Maxine, Eytan (he decided to come, he just loves my family), Barry & Rhonda (cousins of mine I hardly know), and Murry (another cousin I didn't even know I had). Murry was getting on my nerves. He wouldn't leave my age alone. He asked me how old I was, acted surprised that I was that old, and then brought up how young I was at least 15 times during the night. It was getting irritating. Why is my age such an issue with middle-aged men? Like John - he won't leave my age alone either. I don't get it. They don't do that with Eytan, but I guess he's a guy so it's different. He also doesn't look quite as young as I do. I like looking young but not when it's brought up several times through a conversation when it's really not important. All I can think of to do in that situation is remind them how OLD they are. It's only fair, right? I felt bad that I didn't really talk to Jay tonight (the whole reason I came). I was going to say goodbye to him (and to everyone else too), but Neil & Maxine were out the door before I even got the check to see how much I owed. So I handed Eytan money (more than I should have but didn't think I had time to wait for change) and ran out the door. Eytan didn't even know I left. I wonder how long he stuck around.

Interesting news of the day. I might be going to Brussels in June. That's all I want to say about it right now.

Now I'm back at Neil and Maxine's and don't know what to do with myself. I'm not tired at all. A social worker is coming here tomorrow and I want to be up before she comes so I can't stay up all night. How can I get to sleep though?

Tomorrow I'm going to run to the drug store to get some hair dye so I can dye my hair tomorrow. Then I'll catch the train back home, read The Times, straighten the apartment (I left it a bit of a mess), check my email, and work on the Math worksheet. Then Monday I'll work, dye my hair, and go to the food store. Then Tuesday I'll organise my work, look over some stuff for my classes, go do the Math workshop and my classes, and then get ready for the invasion of my apartment (first by Paula & Harvey and then Eytan and then Paula and Harvey again). I hope I can put my life on hold during the auction next week and not hurt anything too much.

Mayland was so close- but close doesn't count in basketball. Duke will be playing North Carolina. Let's see if Maryland can make it to the Sweet 16. I have a bad feeling they'll lose in the second round.

I'm in the middle of dying my hair. My hair is really getting long, even after trimming the ends a little tonight! I almost used the whole bottle of hair dye (I hardly ever use much at all). I wonder if people with really long hair need 2 bottles? Just wanted to start an entry now so I wouldn't forget later.

The trip home took forever. First, I thought I'd miss the train since when Neil was taking me to the station, he missed the station, got turned around, and it took a little while to get back. But I made it on time. The train was not on time. It finally got there and I asked the woman next to me why it was late. She said because when the train got to DC, the crews weren't ready. Then someone got sick near Phili and it took 20 minutes to get them off the train so we sat at Phili for a little while. Then, since the C train wasn't running this weekend, I waited for a cab. That took a while. I did finally get home an hour and a half later than planned. But I'm home.

A social worker came to visit Neil and Maxine this morning and I sat and listened to all the questions involved. I think all new parents should have to go through this- not just adoptive parents. There are SO MANY people who have tons of kids and don't know what to do with them. I think Neil and Maxine make wonderful parents and the social worker is wasting her time (but she has to do it since that's the process, I know).

Now I'm trying to get a lot done tonight. I just drank some coffee since I was really tired from the train ride. I'm wide awake now (the coffee worked!) and ready to take on a lot! First I'll go wash out my hair.

I'm getting enough grey hair that most of the top of my head is really light red (covered grey). At least I still have a young face (as pointed out to me by MANY, MANY people).

I think I'll go get a passport tomorrow- or if not tommorrow, definitely Tuesday. That's one of those things I keep meaning to do but since it wasn't a priority, I kept putting it off. Other things I need to do soon- talk to an advisor at school, buy trash cans, get artwork for the boring white walls of my apartment, design a logo for Eytan's new tutoring business, find Dana's number so I can see about staying with her next month, find other places to stay next month (and figure out what I want to do for fun on my trip, okay- that's enough, I'm getting overwhelmed.

Oh, about Brussels... we might take Mike Rubin's British collection to the International show in Brussels in June. It's 10 days. If that doesn't happen, we'll be taking it to London for a few days in June. I'd be happy either way, although the London idea sounds less exhausting (with the auction in New York being a few days after the show in Brussels). I guess I'll know more in a few days.

Well, I didn't sleep last night. I'm not tired. In fact, if I didn't have a busy weekend coming up and tons to do, I feel like I could probably do it again tonight. Scary. I just don't notice the time going by between 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM. I had a productive night/morning though.

Now I just need to go food shopping, do the Math worksheet, and go make a deposit at the bank. I want to get a passport but I don't know if I'll be able to right away. I can't find my old passport and I don't have an official birth certificate (just a copy). I'm going to take the copy to the Post Office and maybe I'll get lucky and get someone who doesn't pay attention or care too much. That's what happened when I went to work for the Census- I gave them the copy and they didn't say anything was wrong with that.

I researched Brussels a little this morning. I don't know if I like Brussels too much (Maxine, you doesn't seem like you missed anything). It doesn't matter, most of my time will be spent at the Convention Centre. The latest report (it will change a few dozen times before it's definite) is that a few people will be there the first weekend and a few people will be there the last weekend and in between it'll just be me and George. That's fine with me but I really don't think that will be the final decision.

I bought a Cadbury Easter Egg today. They remind me of Daniel- he bought a bunch around Easter the year we lived together. He could eat 5-10 of them in a row. That boy amazed me- the amount of sugar he could consume.

Dick Vitale thinks Maryland will get to the Final Four this year. I think that's a little too much to ask, but it certainly is very possible. I just wouldn't get my hopes up. But if they did... I'd HAVE to find someone to celebrate with! Well, Rebecca and her friend will be here then, I'll just have to turn them into Terps fans.

Oh, Napster has a new favourite song to play second now. And I don't even like it (I should delete it maybe). It's a Sunny Day Real Estate song. I don't even really know who they are. I just remember reading an Epinion on them and they sounded interesting. Well, I don't like the song I decided to download. Maybe I'll try a different one?

I'm not tired. I feel like I could stay up all night again. I don't want to though. Although, tonight wouldn't be a bad night to do that (other than the fact that I was up all night last night). I have to get up early (going to try to go to the Post Office again to see if I can use what documentation I have to get a passport) anyway and it's better than being up all night Wednesday (or any other day this week). That way I can be tired Tuesday night, get a good night's sleep, and be well rested for the auction.

I had a terrible thought today. The other day in English, we were talking about having a midterm as a take-home essay rather than an in-class essay. Everyone wants the take-home, including me. But if that happens (we're voting tomorrow), we'll probably have this week and weekend to work on it and it will be due on Tuesday (the day we would have had the in-class essay). Well, when the hell am I going to work on it? I guess I can try to start it Wednesday morning and then finish it on Monday evening. Hopefully it won't involve too much work (yeah right). Then Tuesday morning I can study for the Urban Affairs midterm which is that evening. And the Math workshop... that's being put on hold for a week and a half. I'm not going to finish before the end of the semester anyway, why try to squeeze it in when there are more important things that are priorities...

Hmm... now I'm getting tired. I wish I could take a little nap and wake up feeling refreshed. I think I'll go try to lie down and see what happens. Probably I'll feel awake again.

Harvey and Paula are here. Unfortunately, Harvey didn't tell me, until now, that he has a client coming this afternoon in about 5 minutes. I had to throw all my work that's on the table into my room. I got things out of order and will be irritated when I go through it all.

I think I'll be getting a passport. I went to the Post Office this morning with my license, money, passport pictures, and an official notice saying that a birth certificate was filed for me. I gave that to the woman and she took it, attatched it to the form I filled out, and took my money. She said I should get the passport by April 28. So I don't know if the document I gave is okay. I didn't think she would take it. I thought she'd look at it and give it back to me. If it was a birth certificate, would she have taken that too? I didn't want to ask since I didn't want to draw attention to it. So hopefully I'll get it back when they send the passport. Although, I think I might call the number Eytan's mother gave me (she works for that state deparment) to get another birth certificate. I'll get it overnighted and take it to the Post Office, and say something like, "I just realised I gave you the wrong document the other day, can I give you this or what do I need to do?".

Okay, the client is here and they're making A TON of noise. Think I'll go in my room and make some phone calls.

This is just an irritating day in general. I opened a can of tuna fish and it broke in a weird place and spilled all over the counter. It also cut my finger.

I also slept this morning, but not enough. I would have been better off not sleeping at all. I woke up at 8:30 so I could go to the Post Office by 9:30 (when they open) and I was awake then but now I'm tired.

I'm not dealing with the Math workshop today, although I'll try to finish the packet so I can take it there on Thursday. That way, hopefully, it will get back to me by next Thursday so I can continue with the workshop.

So I have less than two hours to finish up some work, make one more phone call, clean up my room, and then I can leave for class.

More irritations- Harvey's using my phone and my cell phone service is busy.

More irritations- I called my Community Board to find out when the next meeting is (since I have to go for the last project in Urban Affairs) and it's on April 12th (I'll be in Little Rock or somewhere down South). So I don't know what I'm going to do now. Maybe I can see when another Board is meeting and go to that one instead.

Urban Affairs was okay. Joel taught, which was nice. All about immigration stuff. It was mostly the class voicing opinions which got annoying after a while since they all basically said the same thing. I wish I could have learned something.

Now I'm trying to get to the point where I won't have to look at work stuff for a few days. I also need to look at some Census stuff and get ideas about what my paper should include. That way I'll be ready to start writing next weekend.

Tomorrow night I'll go to the Community Board meeting (I found out that I was calling the wrong board so I'll actually get to attend my own), so I should spend a little time tomorrow getting organised for that. But before I do that, I have to handle the check out of my guests and get it ready for afternoon check in. Maybe I'll need to nickname my apartment, "The Hotel J". Has a nice ring to it, I think.

But now I've used more time not doing things that should be a priority. Okay, from now until 3:00, I will important things.

Couldn't fall asleep last night so I read the 2000 Almanac for a while. Woke up late this morning (around 9:30) and now am trying to get all the little things done (like phone calls) before Eytan gets here. He just called and said he would get here around 2:30 (his train is delayed). Then after he gets here and goes over to the Four Seasons, I'll do big stuff, like read Twelfth Night, look at what I need to do at the Community Board Meeting, and then get down to the NYU Medical Center for the meeting. I hope it doesn't last too long- I'll need to get home and organise the stuff from the meeting so I remember what's going on when I go to write up the report next month.

Harvey and Paula left this morning before I got up- it was nice to have the place cleared out when I woke up. Now I just need to call them to find out what is clean and what is dirty (sheets, cups, towels, etc.).

Not much to say... and I'm busy.

A quick entry.

Michael Jordon is NOT going to play for the Wizards, so can everyone PLEASE stop talking about it? Too bad- that would really help out the team. He shouldn't though- he needs to stay retired.

Happy birthday Jay!

Saw "Proof" last night with Eytan. Mary Louise Parker was wonderful! Her delivery of lines was perfect! I can't imagine seeing anyone else in that role.

After the show, we had dinner at Shun Lee (the only we found quickly that was open). They gave us fortune cookies AND mints after dinner. I decided to be cute and take the mints (Eytan was pissed that I took all of them at the restaurant) and put them on his pillow when we got home (but he understood why I did it when he found them). He may not have the convience of staying in a hotel, but at least he would have the mints.

Last night I got a letter from State Farm saying that they didn't get a response from me about the original letter, and if I don't respond, they will have to do something drastic. Well, I never got the original letter. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE SEND IMPORTANT MAIL CERTIFIED? If they did, I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. Anyway, I called them today and got it straightened out. I also got a sweet deal for paying the amount in full. That's settled. Now I just have to wait to see what Arizona DOT will do about the fact that I was driving uninsured. I'm assuming nothing. If they were in the process of doing something about it, I'm assuming I wouldn't have been able to get a New York license. But I'm not out of the woods yet. I just won't think about it until I have to (which will hopefully be never).

Work was okay today. I was able to come home for a few hours in the afternoon to take care of some things here. That was a nice treat. Won't be able to do that tomorrow though. That's okay, I'll live.

English tonight- boring as usual.

Urban Affairs- discussion of articles and review of mid term. I also asked Joel about going to a Community Board meeting other than my own. He said that was fine. I already knew that, I just wanted an excuse to look at his beautiful blue eyes.

Now I'm waiting for Eytan to get back from the movies and we're supposedly going to dinner. Good- I'm finally hungry after 6 days of barely eating anything.

I should check to see who won tournament games tonight.

I'm really busy so I don't think I'll write much today even though I have a ton of stuff on my mind.

Random things:
- got thank you notes from Jay and Neil & Maxine
- got a letter from Kendra (haven't had time to read it yet)
- I hope Missy gets better soon (Jeff told us that she had her intestines removed and put back in last week)
- Larry's little girl (drawing a blank with her name) is adorable and was so well behaved (unlike Bill's son)
- was wondering how Matt Bogart and Adam Pascal can play the same role when they have different voice parts (do they have to transpose any of the music?)
- I had AT&T phone card problems this weekend but they got resolved quickly. I figured out why it wasn't a big deal like it was with MCI. It's not the actual phone companies you're dealing with- it's the card protection services. If I had called them when I was having problems with my MCI card, I wouldn't have had all those problems. Oh well.
- auction- huge success (what bad economy?)
- George didn't go out with us at all this time. He wanted to go to Smith and Welenski one night but Eytan and I didn't go (Paula and Harvey did). I just didn't want to deal with that particular group dynamics.
- I wrote this late last night (or actually early this morning): "miserable, therapy, anger management, scared, hate men, can't get stuff done, lazy, down on myself- obviously, scared of animals (especially fish), violent, want to drop out of school...". I'm not feeling quite that bad anymore but I'm still a little depressed (more on that later)
- went to dinner to "celebrate" my birthday last night with Eytan, Paula, and Harvey. I thought the dinner was disgusting (the fish was raw and bloody) but everyone else liked it. I couldn't eat and was hungry after.
- then Eytan and I saw "Nico and Dani". It was okay.
- auction ended early yesterday so Eytan and I walked around the Village before dinner (which was in the Village).
- After the movie (this is terribly out of order but I don't care), we went to a few bars in the East Village.

The main reason I was so miserable is that I'm tired of not being respected, tired of people thinking I don't know how to do anything, tired of people respecting Eytan just because he's male, tired of the way higher education works in this country, tired of not having many friends, and tired of not being in control of my emotions (mainly when I'm angry- I can get a little violent but mainly it's thoughts and not acts). There were way too many people at the auction (and on the phone) who were refusing to talk to me or just treating me like I was a stupid female. I don't mind it once in a while, but when it's 8 or 9 times in 2 days- THAT's a PROBLEM! People suck! I feel like hating everyone until they give me a good reason not to.

Now I've wasted most of the day. I did all the work I need to do for the day, but that's it. I haven't taken a shower, haven't gone through the mail, and haven't done any school work (except for a little research for my English papers). So I've decided that tonight I will study for my Urban Affairs midterm and go through the mail. Then I'll finish studying tomorrow morning. Wednesday I'll write the papers. Thursday I'll finish the Math packet in the morning and turn it in that afternoon. Friday I'm giving myself a day off and I'll work that night instead. I should also go food shopping on Friday. Saturday I'll organise my room (which is getting to be a disaster) and go to the library to start working on the Census project. Then I'll look at that information on Sunday and try to start the paper. That's my week.

I talked to Neil for a little while today. That made me feel better. He's such a wonderful and caring person (yes Neil, I know you're reading this, but I would have written it anyway). I'm just really in a I-Hate-People mode and it's really nice to know that people like Neil exist.

This is such a jumbled entry- oh well.

Napster played that stupid Sunny Day Real Estate song second again.

I studied a little for my midterm and will study more tomorrow afternoon. I went through my mail but didn't do anything with it yet (like pay bills). I'll do that Wednesday when I'm taking a break from the paper writing. I think I'll also go to the food store on Wednesday- I have nothing here and don't feel like waiting until Friday to have things in my refridgerator. This day flew by. I think the day after an auction always flies by for some reason. I wish I could turn back the clock a few hours to get some more time today. It's 11:00, I've been awake since 9:30 and I have no idea what I did today besides talk to Neil and Paula, have lunch with Eytan, do some work, look through the mail, and do some school stuff.

Right now I have absolutely NO interest in being in a relationship or even dating. I wouldn't mind some friends but right now I'm quite happy being alone. I'm tired of crappy people and don't feel like meeting any more of them. If someone really wants to make an effort to talk to me, that's fine; otherwise, forget it, I'm not talking to them.

Not much to say today. Still not in a great mood. Fell asleep early last night.

Today I'm organising work and organising the apartment. I also learned more about video cards today than I ever wanted to know (but it made the client happy). Then I'll go to Barnes and Noble and study for my mid term. And I think I'll go food shopping today if there's time since it's supposed to rain tomorrow. Then I'll go to class. Then I'll come home. Gee, what an exciting day.

The Urban Affairs mid term was ridiculously easy (I might have gotten one or two wrong) and I finished in 15 minutes. It was nice to get home early. English was boring as usual. I'm NOT looking forward to writing these essays tomorrow. I HATE writing papers and I'm terrible at writing them.

I'm still not in a great mood. I think I'll just concentrate on work, school, and self activities right now. Forget the chorus, forget other community activities. If I have free time, I'll just read, write, go to shows and movies, and add things to the apartment. I don't even want to take pictures right now since all I like are people pictures and I'm just not happy with people right now. The pictures would probably turn out horribly.

I'm also a little stressed right now with the school work. These English essays, the Census project, and the Math workshop are too much right now. I need a break. Well, I'll be getting one April 7th.

I really need to organise my trip down south. I have plane reservations, car reservations, and hotel reservations in Savannah (I'll just wing the rest of the hotel stays since I don't know where I'll be when) and that's it. I really need to get a hold of Dana to see if I can stay with them and I need to plan the driving part of the trip. And I need to figure out what I want to do with the free time. And what's going on in Savannah that weekend.

Happy birthday Les and Jonathan.

I was very productive this morning but only did things that I don't mind doing. Did some work, went food shopping, and then came home and went through all my mail and paid my bills.

I really DO NOT want to write my papers! I think I'll take a little break (writing this, do some other online things, etc.) and then I'll get started. I have all day. Yes, but the days always go so quickly. Still, I deserve a little break. I am wide awake though thanks to the coffee drink I got at New World Coffee on the way home from Food Emporium. Just realised that with all the places and streets I mention in this journal, people reading this (who know New York) will probably be able to figure out where I live. Just don't stalk me, okay?

I think I'm in a slightly better mood today but that could just be the energy from the coffee.

Supposedly, according to their web site, New World Coffee has locations in Maryland. When I clicked to find their store locations, nothing was listed. Does that mean there will soon be stores in Maryland or there are already and they just haven't listed them on their web site yet or they used to have locations but they closed and they just haven't taken off the Maryland link from the web site yet?

Napster is still playing that stupid Sunny Day Real Estate song second. Right now I'm listening to Ruth Wallis' "Davy's Dinghy"! User, motherload_guru, is pissing me off. They have a version of "The Miller's Son" from A Little Night Music done by Emily Skinner and they're not properly configured. I'm thinking of asking if I can pretty please get that song from them.

Okay, I just asked them and they said they weren't stopping me. I told them they weren't properly configured. Let's see if they try to do something about that. Well, it's still not working. Oh well.

It's dreary and rainy. This weather really puts me in a cozy mood. I don't mind sitting here at the computer writing a paper. Maybe if I get done early, I'll read a book tonight (now that I have a lamp by my bed). I just hope this "wintery mix" they keep talking about for tomorrow and the next day isn't a big deal or if it is, maybe school will be cancelled (I seriously doubt it). I just hate walking around in the slush, listening to the constant honking of people stuck in traffic.

Just got a chocolate cake craving (strange, I don't even like chocolate). Too bad I just went to the food store, I'm NOT going back out in this weather.

I was fooling around with my computer today trying to create more space on my hard drive. Well, somehow I got rid of Outlook Express. Whoops. So I had to do a system restore and now I'm back to where I started. Or so I thought. Supposedly I have more free space than I did before. Now I'm scared. So far it looks like everything's in place though (including my email).

Dana didn't call me back tonight. I hope she calls soon. It's not like I need to know right away since I'm not making hotel reservations (I'll just show up in a place when I get tired of driving and hope there are rooms available- there should be, it's not summer) now. If I can stay with them, great, if not, that's fine too. I just thought it would be fun, different, and convenient.

Paula and Harvey are coming back up here for Mega-Event a week from today. And right after they check out, Rebecca and her friend, Kristen, are checking in. Here we go again with the laundry issues. Maybe I have enough sheets and towels so I won't have to do laundry in between.

Oh yeah, the London Theatre tour isn't going to work since the only one they have coming up is in May (too early for me). So now I'm back to square one. I think I'll go across to Libery Travel this week or next week to see if they have any suggestions. If not, I'll have to decide whether I feel like going alone. I'm leaning towards yes, but don't want to make a decision on going alone before I know if that's my only option.

And it looks like Brussels is out for Mike Rubin viewing and London is in. That will be early June. so even if I wind up not going in July, I'll still get to be there for a few days in June. But I'll be working most of the time. So I thought I'd go early or stay late, but then realised I don't have the time to do that in early June. I'll figure it all out later. Right now, there are more important things to worry about (like getting through these 2 classes and the Math workshop without losing the rest of my sanity).

Rant of the day: For some reason, Harvey pointed it out to me, after every auction, I hate school more than I normally do. I just hate the fact that I can't only study what I'm majoring in. What's with all the English, Math, and diversity classes? I understand I need a degree to practise psychology, but why does the degree require most credits in things that don't relate to psych AT ALL? I'm already a well rounded person. I already have specific goals. Why do I have to waste time and money taking stuff I'm not interested in and don't need? I think, if you have a goal, the majority of your classes should be working towards that goal plus some electives of your choice. A lot of the classes I want to take aren't in my major, but I doubt I'll have time to take them since they won't count towards the requirements. I HATE THIS! Why can't I just accept it like everyone else? How many times do I have to think about this? Nothing is going to change. If I want a psych degree, I have to do this. I've been over this and over this and can't think of anything I want to do full time that doesn't require a degree. I really don't want to keep doing computer related things for the rest of my life. It's no use not taking classes for a little while again. That just is postponing and I've done that enough already. All I'm doing is complaining. Complaining feels good though.

Told ya Maryland would finally get past the Sweet 16!!!!! The only real preminition I had for this tournament and it came true! I couldn't be happier. Well, actually I'd be happier if I had someone to share the excitement with. I went to Clark's PJ to watch the second half- that was okay but I doubt I'll go back. The only reason I went was because Pig n Whistle was PACKED! It is cool that the place was around in the 19th century. It feels old but there's too much new in it. Anyway- GO TERPS!!!

The rest of the day was okay. It has been raining since yesterday morning and it's just stopping now. It's messy but much worse in Boston. I wish it could have been snow instead. How many inches would we have gotten? 40?

English was boring as usual (I should save that sentence to a file and use it every Tuesday and Thursday since I doubt I'll ever say anything different). Urban Affairs I didn't stick around for. At 7:10, class finally started. John introduced one of the two TAs we're getting (they'll be at the classes as well so that makes 4 teachers for this class now. WHY?). Then he handed back the tests in alphabetical order. Then at 7:35, they started going over the whole test. Well I got 104% and decided that I didn't need to stick around for that and left early. Hope they didn't discuss anything too important. They wouldn't have had more than 20 minutes for a discussion so I'm not too worried.

The woman who lives next to me has issues (this word is getting WAY too popular) with her keys. A few weeks ago she called someone, crying, to let her in her apartment since she locked herself out. Then yesterday I heard her talking to Scott (the super) about how she locked herself out the day before. This is as he's letting her in since she, once again, locked herself out. I was watching through the peep hole in my door. She kept talking to him, rambling on and on about how she just can't keep track of her keys. He kept trying to leave but she kept talking so he stuck around to listen. It was amusing.

I tried to finish the Math packet but I didn't finish so I didn't turn it in. I'll definitely have it done by Tuesday. I did go to school early though to print my papers (since I don't have a printer and don't feel like getting one since I can just print at school and why take up the space in the living room) and then I went to the library to start looking up Census data. My tract is tiny. Census tracts are supposed to have between 2500-8000 people. Mine is 1180 (this is all 1990 statistics). They kept breaking down the tract (now it has 3 parts) and now I think they need to consolidate, especially if the latest stats are even lower (but they probably won't be lower). So far I haven't found any statistics that are surprising. This is going to be such a boring paper.

Tomorrow I'm not doing any school work. I will go to the library Saturday to finish with the Census data and then start on the paper that afternoon. Then I'll try to finish it Sunday. I'm just pissed that we still haven't gotten our first papers back. They keep telling us every class that we'll get them back the next class. They've been doing that for two weeks. I'd like to know how they grade before I write the next one. Maybe I can find some time next week (that is, if they truly give them back on Tuesday) to re-work it if I need to.

My brain is thinking WAY TOO FAST for my little fingers. I am a fairly fast typist but I just can't keep up. Every 3rd word has a typo. Slow down brain!

I love listening to men with deep, interesting voices. Like Brendan Fraser (that's the only celebrity I can think of and that's not even a good example since his is interesting but not that deep). There was a man at Clark's PJ tonight that had one. I could have listened to him all night.

Now I'm irritated. I don't feel like making anything to eat and the only snack-type thing I have to eat (besides cereal which I'm sick of) has a broken seal so I'm scared to eat it. Oh well, I guess I could have some yogurt or oatmeal

And when is Amtrak going to implement their new design? I worked on that project 2 months ago and nothing has changed yet.

"How I Know You" from "Aida" is haunting! I LOVE IT!!!

I'm so hyper!! I barely slept last night (from about 6:00 AM to 9:00 AM) and now it seems like I'll never fall asleep tonight. Nah, I'll get tired eventually.

I don't like Emily Skinner's version of "The Miller's Son" from "A Little Night Music". Yesterday I arranged my MP3s in categories (show tunes, novelty, and songs to sing to). I need to add a few more categories (rock, mellow, and dance/hyper music.. and I might add a depressing songs category as well if I'm in that kind of mood when I'm organising).

Okay, on May 6th, Spalding Gray (and others) will be doing a reading and that's a Sunday. I'll be going to that one!!!

Ooooh- and I could take swing dance classes and tap classes!! Like I have time for all this... Too bad they don't have a damn chorus.

Okay, I'm not doing things that will make me less hyper. I just registered at High School Alumni and I'm searching for all kinds of people. Troy actually registered and wrote a profile. It turns out that after 8 years in the army, he's back in school in Baltimore and living in Towson (and gives a phone number). He's a single father of two. Kind of wondering about the story there. I wonder if he would remember me? I never think people will remember me, but more often then not, they do. Hmm... Who else can I find? This is not good. I could search for hours and enjoy listening to my show tunes while I do that.

A girl who was in "Music Man" with me, Jaimee, married a guy named Jaime. How cute. I was confused. First I thought that she had a duplicate listing but I checked both and realised that the second one was her husband. They went to the same high school and graduated the same year. It really is interesting to see where people wind up. I wish everyone would sign up for this thing. There are so many other people I'm curious about. Not that I'd want to see them again, but it would be neat to know what they're up to these days.

It's nice to know that even though I never remember people's last names (or maybe I just never knew them to begin with), I can still figure out the people I know by looking at the lists of the first names and guessing.

Am I going to bed yet? It's now 1:00 AM.

And Mickey Stone is working at Disney World- why am I not surprised? God this is fun!

Now I found Sarah St. John. Finally found someone I would consider getting in touch with. And I did. I sent her an email. Hope she gets it.

Just noticed one girl's name who is now married. She went from being Jennifer Blob to being Jennifer Boner. Think I would have kept my maiden name.

Bed time yet? It's now 1:45 AM.

Okay, it's now 2:30 AM and it's seriously time to get offline and go to bed. I just found a girl I went to kindergarden with- Alison Howard. I just emailed her as well. Now I can't go back any further than that so that's my cue to stop.

I have no idea what time I finally fell asleep but I got to sleep in today so that was nice.

I'm making today a leisurely day. I've done a little work and now I'm going to Barnes and Noble to read for a while. Then I'll probably rent a few movies for tonight.

Allyson Howard wrote back to me already. That's so cool! She's working on her PhD at Cal Irvine- she always was very scholarly. Maybe one day I can go visit her out there.

Not much else to say right now. Maybe I'll write more later.

I love staying home on Friday nights. This is the first Friday night in a long time where I can just stay home and relax. Last Friday was the auction, the one before that I was running errands so I could go to College Park the next day, I think the Friday before that I might have stayed home, but then the one before that (I think), I was in Baltimore seeing "Rent". Anyway, I'm happy to be home. If it's another I'm-not-going-to-bed-early night, I think I'll read a book too.

Maryland leading by 10 points at the half! That's a good sign. Unfortunately, I have to watch it without sound (unless I go out or watch online) since there seems to be a problem with the sound on my TV. I tried a few things and have no idea what's wrong. So I couldn't watch my movies last night either. What I did instead was look at travel possibilities to Europe for the summer. I'm not giving up yet but I need to figure out something soon so I can reserve a plane ticket. I also read a bartending book last night that listed the author's 50 favourite bars in the world (they took a poll). Most of them are extremely popular which wasn't too exiting.

Went to school this morning to finish looking up Census data. I still have no idea how to write the paper and need to ask some questions. So I'll ask Tuesday and try to write the paper on Wednesday. If I don't finish, I'll still have an hour here and hour there sort of thing the week after next. Then it's due. And I realised that in order for me to go to the Community Board 7 meeting, I'll have to skip class. Oh well.

So since I'm not writing a paper tommrow, after I read The Times, I was thinking about going to see either "Pollock" or "Menento". I want to watch a movie, and since I can't watch one in the comfort of my own home, I guess I'll have to go out.

There's too much construction going on in my neighbourhood. They woke me up a few times this morning.

I'm missing Blacksburg again. I don't know why. I know I make that place better in my mind than it really is, but I can't help it. I wish there was some time in the near future for me to go down and visit. But I can't think about that now.

Okay, I'm gonna go read.

Sleep not good last night. First there was the construction that was driving me crazy as I tried to fall asleep. Then it woke me up early this morning. I went back to sleep and had a nightmare about snakes. It was only the last few minutes of the dream but it woke me up. Every time I tried to get back to sleep, my blanket rubbed against me and I kept thinking it could have been a snake (I know, ridiculous), so I just got out of bed for the day. This is nice to have a full, long day but I don't know what to do with it (besides read and go to a movie). Maybe I'll see two movies. I could watch some of the Oscars tonight (without sound). Not worth it. I'll just check later to see who won what. I don't care much about any of them this year. They're either obvious and I wish someone else will win or it's not so obvious but I just don't care.

I wrote an Epinion on "Proof" last night. I had no idea what I was going to write about besides the realistic script and the talent of Mary Louise Parker. But as usual, I just started writing and it all worked out. I wish I could write school papers like I write Epinions.

Anyway, I hope I'll get over the writing-everything-down thing soon. But seeing it again will not help that. Maybe I'll start carrying around a tape recorder again. It fits nicely in my winter coat. What will I do in the summer? Nothing else will fit in my purse.

Dana called yesterday and I called her back today. It was fun talking to her. We decided the last time we talked was between 7-10 years ago. She's working in Urban Planning and I'd love to talk to her more about that. Maybe she could help me with this class a little (not that I need that much help). OH!!!! I should ask her for any suggestions with this paper. Anyway, we talked for a while and she said I could definitely crash at her place. She lives in Chatanooga now. That'll be fun. And I get to meet her husband. Although, I was thinking and I think I met him once before, briefly. Well, have they known each other for at least 7 years? Maybe I've seen her more recently too. I usually have such a good memory for past events- don't know why I'm blanking on this one. I know the last time I saw her was at Paula and Harvey's for a family reunion, but I have no idea when that was. Anyway, it was good catching up and look forward to visiting.

Went to Barnes and Noble for a little while this afternoon to look at guidebooks of the south. I started reading one on Savannah, and realised that I need to spend more time there rather than spending alittle time in Atlanta. Atlanta just doesn't excite me and Savannah seems to have enough stuff to keep me busy for days. Walking tours, museums, pubs, music clubs, theatre, cafes... Can't wait!!! It'll just mean a full day of driving from Savannah to Chatanooga.

I also finished my Math packet which feels good. Now I can go turn that in and continue. The woman in charge sent me an email saying that I hadn't been there last week (no kidding) and that I am required to put in 4 hours a week. Okay, and if I don't, what are you going to do about it? I was busy. I'll try to go as much as I can. That should be good enough for something that I don't get credit for and won't finish this semester anyway.

Started reading "Fever Pitch" last night, by Nick Hornby. I'm not getting into it as much as I thought I would. Perhaps it'll get better.

In fact, I think I'll go read some more now.

Not many people are reading my Epinion on "Proof". Is it because it's a weekend? Will I wake up tomorrow and magically find that numerous people have read and rated it? I doubt it. They need to get their alert system back in place.

Made some calls to customer service of a few places today. It went better (and quicker) than I thought it would. Is it just me, or does everyone have to call customer service more often for things that are the companies' mistakes? It's ridiculous that I have to be on hold for various amounts of time when, if they did their job right to begin with, I wouldn't have to call. Oh well, at least it's done... for now.

Slept late this morning. That was nice. I think some of my dream was either about "Memento" or was in that style. I woke up a few times and just couldn't get out of bed. Fortunately, today isn't an extremely busy day.

Tonight I thought I'd watch a Women's NCAA tournament game tonight. Jeff Purser made Women's College Basketball sound exciting so I thought I'd give it a try. I've watched a few minutes here and there, but never a whole game. Jeff's a UConn fan and they're playing tonight so that's an extra plus.

Here I am again with some free time. This is so weird. If I knew more about what to write, I could work on my Census paper. But I might as well wait until I ask some questions tomorrow night. So I think I'll go read for a bit.

Tomorrow I have to read some stuff on "Pygmalion", do the Math workshop, check a few statistics at the library and then go to class. Wednesday I need to write my paper and then hopefully go to the movies with Paula and then dinner at Maya's with her and Harvey. Thursday I have the school thing and I need to clean up my room (it's still a mess). Friday, Paula and Harvey check out and Rebecca and Kristen check in. I'll also stop by Mega-Event Friday and then meet Rebecca and Kristen somewhere. I need to figure out when they want to drop their stuff off. Maybe they can do that Friday morning even though Paula and Harvey will still be here. Friday night I think we're going to try to see Les Mis (the only show they could agree on that you can get tickets for). Fine with me, I haven't seen it in 3 or 4 years and I've never seen it in New York. I just don't know much about the current cast. Anyway, this weekend should be fun. Then after they leave, I need to research some stuff for the Community Board so I can go to the meeting on the 3rd having some sort of clue. It's a good thing work seems to be quiet right now. I'm not in the middle of any project and no one seems to have any problems for me to deal with. How relaxed I feel.

Okay, I didn't go read, I took The Spark's Personality Test. I don't know why I like taking this so much. And every time I get a different result. I think I pick basically the same answers each time. I guess the one or two answers that change, change the whole personality. This time I'm a Businessman- a Dominant Extrovert Concrete Thinker (which accounts for only 3% of the population).

Now I have the hiccups and my eyes are not functioning very well tonight so I can't quite see what I'm typing. I should go lie down soon so I might fall asleep before 3:00. I need to wake up somewhat early to get my own stuff organised and organise the apartment for visitors (including a client of Harvey's). At least I know about this guy ahead of time, unlike the last time when he told me 20 minutes before the guy showed up.

Leave it to Rebecca to call me at midnight. She's the only one who calls me who's up at that hour. I knew it was her. She was checking some parking and social details for the weekend.

I still haven't figured out why I have no sound on my TV. I checked all the wires and since nothing is loose and I haven't changed any of the connections, so I don't think that's the problem. And yes, it is NOT on mute. I'm assuming it's something internal. So I called Phillips customer service and they couldn't help me. They told me I had to take it to a service repair place. Well, I told her I'm lugging a 25" TV all over Manhattan and she said I could call the place to see if they do home service. I'd call them now but my cell phone isn't charged and Harvey's on my phone.

While I'm waiting for the phone, I'm writing this entry and reading up on "Pygmalion". Harvey REALLY needs to get off the phone though. He has things he needs to do. Why does he constantly let himself get caught up? I just asked how long he would be and he said 20 minutes (which means 40 minutes in Harvey time).

English- weird. We're discussing "Pygmalion" now. But first, she spent 30 minutes giving a summary of Ibsen's "A Doll's House". Why? To get to the point that Bernard Shaw saw some of Ibsen's plays in England and liked them. She spent the entire class getting to that point. At least it felt like class went faster today.

Urban Affairs- great since Joel taught. He is a cutie. I asked him about what I should do to make my paper longer and he wasn't too helpful (he just told me to write about what I'm already planning on writing about). He told me to stop by during his office hours (which is when I have English) or go to the TA's office hours in the afternoon. Maybe I'll leave English early if I really need to one day. I'm also glad I asked about the tracts. I told him that I live in one which has a decimal and he said I should include information from all the decimals for the tract number. So now I have to go get that information and deal with different numbers. So I won't be writing the paper tomorrow. I'm not too worried though, since today when he told us that he didn't have our papers for us, we all complained and said that the due date for the Census one should be extended. He agreed but would have to talk to John first. The only problem is that the next week is Spring break. So John probably won't want to give us that much time to work on it. I'll get it done early anyway. I'll go get the different stats Thursday and write the paper next week (since it'll probably be due that Thursday). I really don't care much at this point. The whole thing is getting on my nerves. Hopefully I'll find a way to make it long enough, and if not... I don't know. I'm sick of thinking about it now. I have no idea if this paragraph even makes sense.

I was already a little later than usual going home since I talked to Joel for a few minutes about my paper. Then it took 25 minutes for the subway to come (what's going on???). I got on the crowded car (they were all packed) and was trying to decide which stop to get off (depended on whether I wanted to get something to eat or not). Joel caugh my eye- he was right in front of me. I started talking to him for a few minutes and decided to get off a stop later and get dinner so I could talk to him a minute longer. Then I had the brief thought of seeing where he was getting off (but it was too cold and I was too tired and hungry). Well, now I know he doesn't live in Chelsea since he didn't take the C train. He also didn't take the N, R, F, 4, or 5. Maybe he lives in the East Village and took the 6 train all the way down there? Or maybe he got off at Grand Central and did something. I was curious. I had the thought that if I got off where he did and he asked if I lived around there, I would have said, "No, I'm just stalking you," just to see what he would have said. Maybe I'll do that the next time I see him on the train. Maybe one day when it's a little warmer.

So now that I'm not writing a paper tomorrow, I have extra free time (whoa, this free time is getting scary). I was thinking of taking Paula to that art school she noticed to see if they have anything that could work in the living room. I'm REALLY getting sick of these white walls.

Just got an email from Jon. He got to go see the Terps play Georgetown in Anaheim. It was a lot of luck- knew someone who could get tickets, has family to stay with, had a friend to go with, and had a free America West voucher. Can't get much luckier than that. He's having a Final Four party this weekend that he invited me to. Wish I could go, but Rebecca and Kristen will be here. I was hoping they would watch some of the game with me, but they'll probably want to go to a show or something. Not much would keep me away from theatre, but Maryland in the Final Four?!?!?! There's no question which I'd rather see.

Good day today. Did some work in the morning. Then Paula decided she wanted to see what I looked like with make-up, so she tortured me as she put make-up all over my face. My skin is so dry, it can't handle a lot of make-up. My face peeled all day and is still peeling now, no matter how much moisturizer I put on. I hate my skin. After the torture, we went to see "Memento". It wasn't as good as the first time, but it was cool to see it already knowing the outcome. It's such an incredible movie and Paula and I decided it should win Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Soundtrack, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Effects, and Best Picture. After the movie, we went to Maya's and waited for Harvey while drinking margaritas. Harvey called an hour later and said he probably wouldn't make it since he was still tied up with the collection he was looking at. So we enjoyed dinner without him.

Now I'm home and pretty tired. Harvey's sitting here next to me and wants to help write an entry. First thing Harvey wants to say is, "Hi Neil." I told him Neil reads this all the time. Harvey's enjoying his Samuel Adams after a hard day at work. This is really boring.

Last night I enjoyed reading an interesting man's journal from Madison, WI. He had been reading my journal so I thought it only fair that I read his. His writing was incredible and his tastes are similar to mine, so I got sucked right in and stayed up later than I originally planned. The only thing that stopped me was RCN's service shutting down around 3:00 AM. So then I read the Nick Hornby book for a couple hours before going to sleep. I should go to bed earlier tonight as I have a busy day planned for tomorrow and a busy weekend.

57th St. is completely torn up. The noise isn't as bad as it was a few days ago, but the amount of honking horns is worse (cars can only go on one side of the street at a time which is causing the traffic to back up FOREVER!!). Can't wait till they're finished!

Wow! It's almost April! Time to get out the sandals!

Harvey needs to get more organised. Eytan woke me up this morning looking for Harvey. Harvey told him yesterday, when Eytan wanted him to make a decision, that he should call back in the morning and he would make a decision then. Well, Harvey left early this morning and won't be back until this evening. He has a cell phone, why can't he use it? He thinks it never works- which is ridiculous. So now Eytan had to make his own decision and I'm sure Harvey will have a problem with it. Oh well, his fault. And I really wish he would either learn how to use his cell phone or get a second line here. I hate him giving out my number to all sorts of people. I should put a nasty message on the voice mail so these people will be freaked out when they call. That'll teach Harvey a lesson.

I need to get up to school so I can look up more Census statistics in the library before going to do the Math workshop. I hate doing double work or going back to do something unnecessarily. I still think the information I have is all I need. This tract got broken down into 3 different areas. I don't think I should include all the stats from all the areas. I don't think Joel completely knew what he was talking about. I asked the librarian and she said I was doing the right thing. When I worked for the Census, we were calling the tracts with decimals separate tracts. Okay, I just made a decision. I will not go look up more information (it would take too long anyway). I will tell Joel tonight what the librarian told me plus what I know from my own work at the Census. Then I can just use the information I already have which should be good enough anyway. I'm not worried about it. I think it will all turn out just fine.

So now I have a few extra hours for more important things.

Marcell called tonight when I wasn't home. Paula answered and wound up having to talk to her. We really need another line in here. I don't know what she wanted, but it was probably something computer related.

Jeff sent me an email tonight with some questions on the new Wheaties web site. I think it'll look pretty good. Nothing fantastic, but it's just cereal, it doesn't need to be anthing too elabourate. The funny thing was- I also got an email tonight from a company interested in some consulting on their web site. It's a cereal web site and either General Mills is an affiliate or has something to do with it (since their logo was in the corner). Cereal is becoming quite a popular little item, huh? I love it. If they wanted to pay me in lifetime supply of cereal instead of money, I would not be unhappy.

Earlier today I talked to Matt & Cary (Tull fans). I found their web site and didn't know if it was still them running the business but it was. I got an email from Matt telling me to call him. So we chatted for a while. He told me he could get me last minute tickets to most shows and Yankees games (well, I don't want to pay outrageous prices for theatre and Yankees tickets I can probably get from that guy James, from Connelly's, since he works for Major League Baseball). But I am interested in a ticket to a Tull show- probably either Staten Island or Red Bank or Easton. Easton and Red Bank sound like more fun since I could go with them instead of by myself (or some random person). Oh, unless Josh can come up here... or Andy (doubt it)... Anyway, so I'll have to call Matt as it gets closer to the show dates. Oh how exciting it would be to see him again. I should call him soon anyway and tell him to let me know when he's in town (he comes up here a lot, I think). What a sweetie he is. And Cary's great too. And getting to see Tull again... I hope they play more from Secret Language of Birds. They only played two in the show I went to last June. I'd really love to hear Better Moon live... or Flower Girl, or Sanctuary, or Jasmine Corridor...

Right now I have Mother Goose in my head. Hey, maybe I could take a mini "Tull" tour of London- going to all the places they mention in their songs- Baker St., Picadilly Circus, Leiceter Square...

Just a quick entry...

Paula and Harvey left this morning and Rebecca and Kristen will get here in a few hours. She called last night to let me know their plans (this morning, they're going downtown to Wall St. & Battery Park- in the rain- and then will get tickets, hopefully, to Les Mis). They'll come here to drop their stuff off and then we'll have lunch before going to The Met. I'm excited that the William Blake exhibit is opening today (just got reminded of that)!!! And of course the Vermeer exhibit is still there. After The Met, we're going to dinner at some Greek restaurant in the Flatiron disctrict and then will head up to Times Square for a show. Then I might talk them into going to get a drink somewhere, maybe.

Just found out from my trivia of the day calendar that libraries issue more cards than VISA, have more kids enrolled in programs than Little League, and have more visitors on the weekends than zoos and museums combined. Huh, I wouldn't have thought that. Plus, the must have A LOT more visitors on the weekends since they can only know about the people that check out the books. Zoos and musems charge admission so they can count all their visitors. Many people go to libraries and don't check out books so who knows how many visitors they actually have.

This weekend there is also an Andy Warhol gun exhibit. That sounds interesting but I doubt I can talk Rebecca and Kristen into doing that tomorrow.

It just sucks that it'll be pouring all day. It's supposed to stop tomorrow morning though.

In the process of moving things around, I broke the networking wire (it was already messed up from when George knocked it out) for my computer. Why do they have to be so fragile? So I'll have to get another one soon! Maybe tomorrow? Anyway, I decided to configure the dial-up connection in the mean time. I called RCN to see if they offered free dial-up service, and they do. The only problem was the tech support guy told me that sometimes the Windows ME driver doesn't like the modem installed. But I configured everything anyway since it couldn't hurt. Well, he was right; it didn't work. So now I have to go to Lucent and download the 5.79 driver. I guess I'll have to get the networking connection working again, download the driver, and then I should be set up for dial-up (which I'll need for when I travel anyway).

Now I'm waiting for Rebecca and Kristen to show up. They should be here any minute. I knew they would be a while since most things Rebecca seems to do take longer than she says they will. I'm in no rush. I just finished everything I needed to do today (except clean up my bedroom). I just hope we have time to see something at The Met before we have to leave for dinner. It seems silly that we have to have lunch at 2:00 and then dinner at 5:00. Maybe I can convince them to just get a snack somewhere before we head up to the museum.

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