June

Well... things have been interesting since yesterday afternoon. Kenneth gave me a ride to the airport and my flight was close to being ontime. Then the irritations began.

I got to Charleroi around 10:30 PM and the tiny airport was deserted. Good thing I changed my few leftover pounds to Euros as there was no cash machine or Bureau de Change or anything that was even open. I took a taxi (10 Euros) to Formula One Hotel and had a little difficulty understanding the woman at the reception desk. I understood her better when she spoke French rather than English. She gave me a receipt but no key. I thought that maybe the door was unlocked and there would be a key in the room. Wrong. The door locked with a number pad. So I figured out that the number she showed me on the receipt was the code for the room. The room was small but clean. I watched TV for a few minutes. "Ghostbusters" was on and for some reason, I understood it better by reading the subtitles than listening to the English.

I had two thoughts before falling asleep. One: Good thing I'm not hungry as there was nothing at the airport and nothing around the hotel. Two: Hope I can figure out how to get money and how to get to the city tomorrow.

I asked the woman at the desk in the morning where I could get money and she was no help. There was a gas station next door but of course they had no cash machine. I just had him call a taxi to take me back to the airport. I still had 10 Euros.

I got to the airport and there still wasn't anywhere to get money. The machine that normally would have it said I couldn't get cash at this time. The information desk was closed. I asked a woman working at some random desk where I could get money and she told me to check with the parking attendent. I asked him if I could get money with my credit card. No, I could not. Then I remembered I had some American dollars and asked if I could change that. Yes, I could! so I was able to get 20 Euros.

Then I managed to find the bus stop that went to the train station in the centre of town. Shortly after I got there, some guys from Northern Ireland came to wait as well. They were as clueless as I was, but they told me I was slightly better off as I spoke a little French. We waited for a while and then decided to share a taxi to the station. Nice guys! They even paid for the taxi.

I got a ticket for Amsterdam and then looked for a cash machine. Still no luck. I was getting irritated so rather than walk around Charleroi with all my luggage (no left luggage area either), I just got on the train.

I had to change trains in Brussels and figured I would walk around there for a little while. I found the left luggage area and walked outside to see what was around. Nothing. Nothing was around. I was beginning to see why everyone looked surprised when I told them I was going to Belgium- they all wondered why I would choose to go there. So even though I found a Bureau de Change, I decided to wait until I got to Amsterdam where I know they have cash machines and I don't have to pay high fees. I still had 20 Euros. I saw postcards in the little shop at the station, so I bought a few to send to people. They didn't sell stamps. I went across the street to the Ibis Hotel to see if they had stamps. I also thought I could have a bite to eat and some hot chocolate since I hadn't eaten anything except a candy bar since the bagel I had yesterday afternoon. The restaurant in the hotel didn't have hot chocolate or much to eat and the woman at the reception desk said they didn't have stamps and the Post Office was closed today. This excursion to

So I got on the proper train and had to sit with an obnoxious family. They were laughing and screaming and hitting each other and feeding the baby Pepsi. One of the women had no teeth and the man had tattoos covering his body. Thankfully, they got off 2 stops later. Oh, and on the train from Charleroi to Brussels, there was a little girl who was screaming at a level only dolphins should hear. And her parents thought it was funny and were encouraging it.

So all this mess, while not really pleasant, kind of adds a sense of adventure. So I didn't see much of Belgium, besides whatever scenery there is out the train window and the horrible area around the Brussels train station, but that's probably a good thing. Goodbye Belgium, hello Holland (almost).

Ouch- this stuff is pretty harsh. There's a shop selling alien glowing stuff across the street that's already looking kind of interesting. It's too tacky though to look really inreresting, even in a stoned state.

Just met some guy who lives in Phoenix. From Houston originally. Used to play ball with Andy Petitte. I know Petitte is from Louisiana and everything, but he just looks so New York to me. He completely fits in with the Yankees. So I like this guy from Phoenix. He's choosing to live in Phoenix (Mesa) and go to ASU, but he's also a friendly, knowledgeable, Libertarian- so my respect for him goes up a notch for that.

Wow! Three little hits and I'm the perfect high. I'll stop for now and just enjoy my 7-Up and my notebook.

I'm watching the outside traffic in the turned off TV. It's a little dark but kind of interesting to watch. Kind of makes me want to go back to the hotel and watch a real TV show.

Ah, this weed makes my brain go on warp speed with thousands of thoughts shooting off in all directions. My brain looks like a scene from Star Wars. Pot at home doesn't make me think like this:(

I'm just going to relax though and not feel like I have to get every thought on paper- hand too tired to write clearly.

I wouldn't mind working in a coffeeshop for a few days throughout the year. I also wouldn't mind taking a year off to organise my photos, edit and possibly finish some of my writing, and travel here and there. Sabbaticals are good. They should be a human right, once every 7 years.

The noise outside my window (1st floor) is worse than at home.

Wish "Muppets from Space" wasn't almost over. I liked this one- good tunes, Josh Charles...

There are motor scooters, sirens, loud drunk people, horns, and buses outside my window.

Yum- good, fresh weed.

Tourists are annoying no matter where you go. It's not just the American tourists that are annoying.

I don't know how I am going to go to sleep through all this noise. I didn't really sleep well last night. I woke up at 5:00 AM and then just slept on and off until 8:30. Terry was in my dream last night. And there was a morning like that at Judith's- where I woke up super early and didn't sleep much after that. And I had a nightmare one night in Edinburgh- not fun.

The sirens here sound like Dutch folk music played at very high decibils.

Sleep not good last night. I woke up about 20 times and then had trouble falling back to sleep each time because of the noise. This went on until I finally got out of bed around 8:00.

I had a bowl of cereal (I'm tired of watching what I eat while I'm on holiday) and then set out for a walk. I found an Internet coffeeshop and got stoned while I checked my email and surfed the Net (how relaxing- this feels like a real vacation- some people enjoy laying on a beach drinking cocktails for a week, I enjoy Dutch culture and getting stoned).

Oh, I asked this morning about switching rooms, and they said they were all booked. But they also said that Saturday night is the loudest night and tonight should be more quiet. Let's hope so, but with all the tourists around, I'm not holding my breath.

There really are too many toursits here. I can't wait to take an excursion tomorrow. Today I'm going to continue resting and walking around and soaking in the positive parts of the atmosphere.

Last time I was in Amsterdam, I had a Dutch pancake. This time, I'm having a doughnut (I don't like doughnuts but I thought I'd try one here). I'd also like to try some cheese. I don't know why tourists want to eat at McDonalds. Although, towards the end of trips, I often want to eat something more familiar. This doughnut is great though- not too sweet, not too friend- just light and fluffy.

My eyes have been dry the past few days.

Woke up this morning singing "Love's Maze" from "By Jeeves".

Doing a little people watching- not too exciting right now.

I haven't taken any pictures since I left Glasgow- and I didn't even take that many there. So the majority of my pictures will be of rural Scotland. Maybe I'll get in a picture-taking mood tomorrow. But if I do, I hope not to get as camera-happy as I was in Stirling- those are going to get boring. Just like this writing is getting boring- time to stop for now.

Two O'clock in the afternoon seems to be my "stop & write" time on this trip. I feel so normal- getting up early, doing a lot in the morning, resting in the middle of the day...

I didn't sleep well last night again- too much noise. I didn't wake up as many times as the night before though. Fortunately, I'm not exhausted.

This morning I took a walk and then went online to get directions to the Historic Museum. Found it with no problem. Navigating Amsterdam seems to be easier this time- perhaps because I'm on my own. I pay attention better when I'm by myself.

The museum was nice to see again- especially the bit on city planning and housing (although it did bring back memories of Joel).

Then I went to another Internet cafe and got stoned while checking out some things online- Game 7 of the NBA playoffs (was really hoping the Kings would have won), TONY winners (a bit disappointed with a few- Best Choreography- Millie?)...

Then I took a boat ride on the canals. It was fun being high on the water- especially when we went out into the harbour and the waters were slightly rough.

Now I'm in a somewhat fancy restaurant and having an actual meal- pasta with seafood. Wow- I really am having a normal day. Maybe I could try to eat dinner tonight too. Actually what I plan on eating this afternoon/evening is mushrooms. I bought some before finding this restaurant (I think the name of the restaurant is Olio. I like the portions at this place- not too big, not too small). Anyway, so I bought mushrooms. I've never done shrooms before and didn't really want to do it alone, but I figured it would be okay. I'll just try a little bit. Back to lunch- they put some strange wine in this sauce that's a little overpowering.

Tomorrow I will go to Utrecht in the morning. I have no idea how much time I'll want to spend there, so I'll go early. I probably won't spend more than a couple hours though.

The amount in my bowl was not big at all and I still can't finish more than half. I think I get bored and impatient eating when I don't have someone to talk to or at least something to watch.

My handwriting looks slightly different on shrooms, but besides feeling slightly euphoric, I don't really notice any other differences.

I'm having fun trying all the different ways to get high- smoke, eat, drink...

Oh no- KITT and Michael are buried beneath the dirt that the bad guy bulldozed onto them.

Oh, but I love the sound effect they use when they show KITT's headlights scanning stuff while Michael goes to chase the bad guys.

I like commercials for movies in foreign languages: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger in "The Getaway", Blah, blah, blah, Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner...

It's pouring out- nice night to stay in and watch Knight Rider and get high. If only I didn't want to get something to eat.

Ah- they got out from under the dirt and they're chasing the bad guy. Ooo- a bar scene fight with the bad guys. Why was this crap enjoyable at the time? Was it enough to just overlook the crappy dialogue, crappy acting, and worn out themes and just enjoy the cool car?

I think I'm hungry enough to run out for a minute and get a snack. I'll go after this show is over. How pathetic- that I want to see the end of this show. I just love those obvious-twist endings. Bah, da, da, da, Bah, da, da, da, Bah, da, da, da, da, da.

David Hasselhoff looks really feminine in this series.

Now I'm going to hopefully get more into "How to be Good" (it's difficult to read when high) and try to ignore all the city noise outside (wish I could at least partially tune out the noise).

I love the smell of marijuana.

I went to EasyEverything today to check out some stuff on Utrecht and decided I'd rather stick around Amsterdam. It was 50/50- I'd like to wander around Utrecht, but I'd also like to have a good last day and I'm not sure I'd get that in Utrecht where I am sure I'll have that here. I'd really like to find a bench by the water and read for a little while and I'd also like to try the mushrooms again since it will probably work this time. And I want to do that in the early evening since I have to get up early and I want to pack before all that. And packing- I'll have to start from scratch since I need to repack the breakables.

So I've done everything I set out to do on this trip except find something for Abby (shouldn't have been difficult, but I was being picky, I guess). Oh well. This has really been a good trip. It even got quiet outside around 5:00 or 6:00 this morning! I woke up at one point around then and it was so nice to hear the quiet.

I also will be a little responsible today and do a little work that I can take care of here and then have a little less to do when I get home. It should only take an hour or so.

I found a nice, quiet coffeeshop to sit and write in for a while. There's no one here but the guy working here. It's nice to be away from all the people for a bit. Now if only there was better music playing. Right now it's rap/R&B stuff. In a little while I'll go check my email and deal with some work.

Now I'm back in the room and will read for a bit before taking the mushrooms. I did everything I needed to do before leaving tomorrow- bought water and candy for tonight, mailed my postcards (never did find a mailbox- just dropped them in a hotel post box), bought spacecake and 2 bon bons to take home with me, and packed! The packing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I even managed to get my boots in the suitcase rather than the carry on, which is how they got here. Now my carry on should be lighter- only carrying 2 books, a notebook, film, eye glasses, and the cake and bon bons. Now I just have to hope the bottle in my suitcase doesn't break. Maybe I should just put it in the carry on. It'll be a little irritating carrying it around for so long, but better safe than sorry.

I remember saying this last year when I was here, and I'll say it again now- it'll be sad throwing away the leftover weed tomorrow morning. Hey, if America wants to get their tourism levels up- decriminalise marijuana- people will flock to the US more than they already are.

Another coment about tourism: airlines say they lose money, yet their services function poorly. Let's say the amount of people wanting to fly places increases over the next year or two. How long will the delays be then? Will they suddenly have working planes with crews and enough runways to get these huge vehicles up and flying?

Okay, time to go read.

I have Schubert's "Erlkonig" in my head.

My dream last night involved wandering around various underground stops and bus stops and trying to figure out how to get to my destination. Except I was at home. Do I feel like I've been away for so long I've started to forget my daily, at home, routines?

I just saw a terrible Swiss Airlines commercial. Aren't they declaring bankruptcy?

European commercials make everything look so sensuous.

Sex and the City is on now- I'm working my way back home- Knight Rider, now Sex and the City. Tomorrow night I'll be home in my comfy bed and if I'm lucky, it won't be horrendously noisy.

Oh, I've seen this one. The one where Carrie says "I love you" to Big and Samantha is with the guy with the servant.

I've had "Gertrude's Bounce" in my head several times on my trip.

So my day of travel was a bit tense. I took the train to the airport and had plenty of time. My flight started boarding at the time it was supposed to leave and when most of us were boarded, the captain came on and told us there would be about an hour delay. Maybe it would be less, but everyone had to be on board before he could check for a better departure time. We left an hour and a half late, but still got in at 2:00 (since of course the flight doesn't take 2 hours like they say it will). I breezed through immigration at Stansted since I wasn't staying in the UK and waited a rather long time for my suitcase. Then I changed money and the guy was extremely slow! I found the area where I could get the Jet Link bus to Heathrow and there was a bus leaving as soon as I got there. I was able to quickly get on that (lucky) and we left at 2:45. My flight to JFK was leaving at 6:00, so I was sure I had enough time- the trip, I think, was supposed to take at most, an hour and a half. Well, it was pouring and there was traffic, and we didn't get to terminals 1,2,3 until 5:00. And I had to go to terminal 4- we didn't get there until 5:20. I was sure I'd have to take a later flight or stay the night in London, but I ran to the check in desk and was able to get on that flight. I was going to pick Josh up some Mars Bars at Heathrow before I left and I wanted to get something to eat (I was hungry), but my flight was boarding. I got through security quickly and fortunately, my gate was one of the close ones. Everyone on the flight was in line to board and the duty free shop was only a few feet from the gate, so I ran over there and picked up some Mars Bars for Josh. Still didn't have time to get anything to eat though. I went back to the gate and still had to wait in line a few minutes before I could board. I gave them my boarding pass and went down the jetway (or whatever that walkway to the plane is called). I was two feet from the plane and got pulled out of line for a random security check. The woman took every little thing out of my purse and carry on. She told me I couldn't have a lighter my bag (I've had it in there through many other airports) but I could keep it in my pocket. Huh? Where is the logic there? And she kept my matches- those couldn't go on the plane at all. More lovely rules. I was the last one to board and I was tense and irritated and hungry and pissed off at the security woman.

Sitting next to me on my flight was a young, Irish couple. The guy was next to me and he did not sit still the entire time. He took up part of my seat too and they kept getting up to get things out of their bag and to go to the bathroom. Obnoxious! I didn't get to sleep at all- not even a 10 minute doze. I watched "Bend it Like Beckham" (and enjoyed it), and then was going to watch one of the half hour comedy shows and then try to sleep. I wound up watching all 4 comedy shows. The last 2 hours of the flight I was extremely restless and just wanted to get home and get comfortable and get away from this obnoxious guy next to me.

I managed to get through immigration quickly (most of the people on my flight were European so the US passport line was fairly short), got my bag fairly quickly, and went through customs very quickly. There were about 100 people holding signs with people's names on them at the door. I guess everyone on my flight had a ride and so there would be plenty of taxis available. I got a taxi driver from British Guiana studying here to be an aerospace engineer (or something like that). He was very talkative! There wasn't too much traffic, so I actually got home before 11:00 (my flight left a half an hour late but got in only a few minutes late- 8:45).

Yesterday I called the hotel in Toronto to put Neil's name with my reservation since he's checking in before me, answered all my email, did a little unpacking...

Then I ate the space cake- not expecting much since it didn't do anything when I tried it in Amsterdam. But it actually worked! It really did just take 2 hours. At an hour and a half, I was sure it didn't do anything. Then at the two hour mark, I started to feel buzzy! Neat!

I can't get away from the rain. I heard it was hot and dry all week here and yesterday it was pouring! At least I didn't have to go out in it last night. Hope it's not pouring tonight- I'm going to a show in Soho (got the ticket for it on a whim when I was in Amsterdam- I don't know anything about the show other than the two sentence blurb about it- something about medieval England). Anyway, last night it really sounded like someone was throwing water against my window or I was living in a houseboat on a windy night out at sea. I haven't heard it rain this hard in ages (if ever). I took a couple pictures out my window (my window only opens 2 inches or something like that)- that took 30 seconds- and I got soaking wet.

Also last night, I could have sworn I heard the sound of an old-fashioned train.

France not doing too good in the World Cup. It'll be neat hearing from Paula and Harvey about how the French were about this since they're in Paris right now (but they probably won't notice). And they're there for another sisters match-up in the French Open (or they might be leaving that day).

Heard from Maira (from "Hair") yesterday. She's starting up a home business, selling a great long distance service. If anyone is interested in saving money on their long distance (anywhere in the world), drop me a line and I'll send you the information.

I don't know if I wrote this previously, but I'm going to try and get together with Rose (Rebecca's friend whom I've met a couple of times) in Toronto. She's currently in Italy and doesn't get back long before I get up there, but maybe she'll be up for grabbing a quick drink or something. I'm intererested in getting to know her better. All I know is that she is getting (or maybe already got) her PhD in Astronomy (or was it Physics or was it some other science) and recently got engaged and her grandmother paints (the reason she's in Italy is because she took her grandmother so she could paint- or something like that). Anyway, hopefully we'll be able to get together.

And when I get back from Toronto, I have to think about June 29 (going to see "Company" at the Kennedy Center). Should I go down for the entire weekend? Should I go up and back in one day? Should I rent a car so I can stay with Neil and Maxine easily? When I see, next week, how much work will be involved with classes, my decision should be easier.

Had "Incense & Peppermints" in my head last night. Got in the mood to watch something trippy-like but couldn't think of anything specific so I just turned on the TV, flipped through the channels, and gave up. I don't have much luck with channel surfing- I never find anything I want to stop on. I kept trying though in Amsterdam since by the last night, I just wanted to watch something familiar (or at least in English, besides the news). Last night the only thing that seemed slightly interesting was: a program on Classic American cars of Cuba and a program on hunter/gatherers on the Travel Network (not that either of those are trippy- that was just all that was on that seemed slightly interesting).

Wish I could read when I'm stoned (it's just too much effort to understand the words on the printed page)- I wanted to finish "How to be Good" last night. Guess I could go down to Soho early tonight, find a little cafe, and finish my book. No, it's Friday. I don't want to read somewhere in Soho on a Friday night.

Why is it in forums that whenever someone has a username like bam23051 or peppersmommy they never know how to spell or use even somewhat-proper English?

Glad the space cake I had in Amsterdam didn't do what it did last night. I was pretty much in another world. Being like that in a city I don't know well would make me a little tense. Here, I can just relax. And actually when I got in bed, I started hallucinating a little bit. I read somewhere that after you do shrooms and smoke pot a few days later, you can get vivid flashbacks. Maybe that's what happened to me last night, even though the mushrooms didn't really work.

I like "Hairspray"'s mail promotion! Not only do they have a tyipcal discount code, they gave a sampler CD with 3 songs! Can't wait to listen to it and can't wait to see Baltimore live onstage in July.

Excited about CVS' film developing services. They use Kodak picture processing and you can choose to view your photos online with the Kodak Picture Center. I'll never have to scan images again. Now if only I could figure out whether I want to do the digital camera thing or stick with the old-fashioned routine...

Now I need to clean up this apartment since Rebecca's father is coming to visit tomorrow morning/afternoon. Then I'll do some more work and then go drop off my film before heading down to Soho this evening.

Just had a flashback of driving to voice class at Goucher and listening to "Abbey Road".

So last night's show, "Silence", was pretty enjoyable. I loved the medieval music (mostly Scottish), the cast was talented, and some of the themes were interesting (gender issues, religious issues... but not in an annoying modern PC way since it was set back in the Viking age). The audience was small but appreciative and it was a cute little theatre, the Ohio Theatre (never been there before, though I've passed by it and often wondered what kind of stuff goes on there).

On the way home on the 57th St. bus, there was some filming going on in one of the shops on 57th St. The bus driver informed us it was Sex and the City and everyone was like, "Oh yeah, there's Sarah Jessica Parker,". Me, I couldn't really see what was going on and certainly couldn't pick out anyone, even Sarah Jessica Parker. But I'll have to watch this coming season and see if I can recognise the scene I saw being filmed. I know I won't remember to watch every week and I'll probably either miss the episode or not recognise it, but I can try.

Oh, my June resolution isn't really a resolution but a small, easy project (easy is good since June will be a BUSY month for me). I'm going to take at least one picture a day. I missed a couple of days at the beginning of this month, but that's okay. I took some pictures in Amsterdam and I took a picture last night in Soho and I took one today of myself in my apartment.

So I woke up this morning and straightened up the apartment since I didn't do that yesterday. Then I started going through the mail (need to finish that later today). David got here around 10:30 (he walked from Penn Station with a heavy suitcase). We hung out here for a little bit and then had lunch at Mangia on 57th St. That's not a bad little place (although slightly expensive for what it is)- I should go there more often.

I got another notice for jury duty. It made me feel a little sick, looking at the notice and remembering my last notice for September 12. I guess since I didn't get to go to that one, they quickly put me back in the rotation to get selected again soon. My new date is June 19th. Hope I don't have to miss more than that one day of classes. I doubt I will- they'll probably decide I look like a teenager and tell me to go home. It's for the Supreme Court this time though- not the County Court. Supreme Court sounds much more exciting and I wish I would get selected and had the time to do a trial.

I guess I got used to walking long distances on my trip since this morning I decided to take a walk around my neighbourhood. What a nice Sunday morning activity- to take a walk on the semi-quiet streets before most people are awake. The weather was perfect and the walk was nice. I stopped by Duane Reade to pick up a few things and I also stopped by the Buttercup Bake Shop on my way home. Second Ave. is much more neighbourhoody than my immediate area. My immediate area really is just a business and shopping area.

I meant to take a picture on my walk, but I forgot.

I was trying to think of a nice routine to get me through summer classes. The one I worked out when I was in Phoenix was nice- wake up, smoke a bowl, do a little work, drive to school- stopping at Starbucks on the way, go to the Math tutor centre, go to my 2 classes, come home, have lunch while doing Math homework, take a shower, do some work, do some more Math homework, watch a little TV, and go to bed. What can I do here? I suppose I can wake up, do a little work, go to Starbucks (or get a smoothie at a deli) on the way to school, go to my 2 classes, pick up some soup or something for lunch on my way home, eat lunch while doing Math homework, take a shower, work, do some work for the Psych class, and relax for a few minutes before bed.

I decided to take a picture out my window. Rather than open it the 2 inches it opens and take whatever I can from the small open gap, I took a picture with the window closed- I got a lot more area that way but was limited to what was directly in view (couldn't lean out for a different angle).

Tomorrow, if I remember, I'll take a picture of the castle-like part of the Hunter North Building. If I don't remember, hopefully I'll remember some other day this month.

Tonight I'm going to watch the finale of SFU. I taped it last night but wanted to watch it on a Sunday night since it's a perfect Sunday night activity. I'll miss that show :(

Puerto Rican Day parade is today. That means very little traffic out my window this afternoon! Quiet is good.

"Dr. Strangelove" is on tonight, but I don't feel like watching that. I'll tape it though and watch it at my convenience. Tonight is SFU night!

IMing Jeff right now. Haven't "talked" to him in a while. He just bought a bike and went for a 20 mile ride today. Hearing that just made me miss outdoor activities even more. Earlier today I got the desire to play tennis. I even emailed Jon asking him if he'd like to play next time I'm in Baltimore (whenever that is). Maybe it was the bit of hiking in Scotland- got me in the mood for more. Maybe I'll do a hike in the Cascades if I do go down to Blacksburg in August. It's so beautiful there. Or maybe I'll find a day trip around here in August. Maybe I could try to figure out where it was that I went camping with that group from NYU. I remember it was near West Point- that's all I remember. That was a fun weekend. Steve, a guy I knew fairly well, was in the group. He was the only one that was tolerable and he thought the same of me. We spent the weekend making fun of everyone else. They all thought we were crazy. I really got to like Steve that weekend. I wonder where he is now?

It was creepy having the credits in silence.

I think this show partly contributes to my fears of death.

I just learned of the new show, "The Wire". I kind of want to watch it since it takes place in Baltimore (wonder if it's filmed there too), but I don't want to get caught up in another show.

Up early today! I set my alarm for 7:00 but woke up at 6:30 and didn't let myself go back to sleep (I wasn't really tired enough to go back to sleep). I don't have too much work to do this morning so I'll enjoy a somewhat leisurely morning before heading up to school (with a few stops on the way- go to the bank, buy notebooks for classes, and get a smoothie at the deli). I hope I can wake up this easily for the majority of this summer session.

Had flashbacks of driving around Christiansburg this morning. I don't know why I think about that town so much.

My hair is really dry today. It's almost as dry as it was in Phoenix when my hair turned almost-blonde. Yuck. Think I'll try that conditioner I got at Lush tomorrow.

After classes, I need to buy books for my classes, stop by CVS (it's so weird to have a CVS near me again) to pick up my pictures and then go pick up my dry cleaning. Then I need to come home and clean the apartment (shouldn't take too long- I did a lot before David came the other day). And this evening I'll work and probably do some school work (I should at least start off with good school habits for each semester, even though I usually start slacking off towards the end of the semester).

I can't believe I have to go to Toronto in 4 days. I'm actually looking forward to it though. Haven't been since '94 and I really didn't have that much time to explore then. Not that I'll have a ton of free time this trip either, but I'll at least have my nights free and most of Sunday.

Watched "Crank Yankers" last night- liked all the cranks well enough except the Denis Leary one- the whole reason I watched the show. That disappointed me. He's done some rather stupid stuff recently. Guess he's just having a down period- he'll be back (I hope).

My cable box time was an hour ahead this morning. That happened once before, and I was informed it would be fixed eventually. But I decided to call RCN this morning anyway just to see if they knew about it and see if they could tell me how long it would be until it was fixed. The stupid woman told me I would have to unplug the box for 24 hours and it would reset itself. I decided I would just leave it alone and set the VCR an hour earlier and end it at the correct time just in case it was fixed before I got home this afternoon. Well, now it seems to be on the correct time. I figured I didn't have to unplug the box for 24 hours. Stupid customer service people.

Human Sexuality class is not what I thought it would be. I thought it would be some biology, disease, and gender issues. From what I gathered after the first day, it's some biology and discussions about sexual relationships and intimacy. Ugh. And he just calls on people randomly to answer questions. Examples of questions today: What do you think of when you hear the word "sex"? What specifically did you learn about sex in your high school? I'm one of those people who really doesn't enjoy talking about sex. It's a big class (when everyone shows up). Maybe I can hide in the back and pretend I'm not there if he calls my name to answer a question I don't feel like answering. The good news is there is no paper. We'll just have 5 multiple choice tests. I'm not worried about this class.

Math- the instructor has a really thick accent, goes the speed of a police car involved in a chase, and is just really difficult to understand. Fortunately attendence isn't mandatory, so I'll probably just learn a lot from the book. The only reason to go is to get the homework, but maybe the homework won't be turned in so I can just do some problems on my own and then just take the tests. There will be 3 tests and a cumulative final. I have no idea what the tests will be like or even when they are exactly. He gave us a syllabus that says which chapters we will be working on and his office phone number- that's it. So far, it's easy. We learned stuff today that I remember doing in 6th grade (or somewhere around there). I'm not really worried about this class either.

This summer session shouldn't be a problem. What a good feeling. I bet I'll even have time for a big project and the typical little projects (if anyone wants to throw one my way...).

After class, I went to the bookstore to get the books. Long line, of course. I waited 30 minutes- they only had 3 registers open. And I got lucky- the line doubled in length as I was standing towards the front of it.

Then I went to pick up my pictures and they weren't back yet. Frustrating. If they're not ready when I show up tomorrow (the woman assured me they would be there tomorrow), I'll be pissed.

I was too tired and was carrying my heavy books, so I didn't pick up my dry cleaning. I suppose I could go now, but I'm really tired. I'll go tomorrow (after I pick up my pictures).

Now I'm going to rest for an hour or so and then get to work. I'll also do the math problems tonight that he assigned and read my human sexuality book.

So what will I do now? Fun stuff- don't know exactly. Right now I'm playing trivia games.

Uh oh, I feel like I'm getting a cold. My throat just started feeling a little sore. And earlier today my throat said something to me like, "Notice me. You only notice me when you're about to get sick. I'm just speaking up a little early in case you want to try and fight the cold,". So that's why I'm resting tonight. And I had a smoothie today (lots of C). And tonight I'm drinking green tea. And I'll get a smoothie tomorrow (maybe they even have supplements- I can put ecchinacea)...

I love getting up early when I don't have to drag myself out of bed. I can get so much accomplished in the morning- great way to start the day.

I'm not sure what else to say but I've done some work, finished cleaning up the apartment, and don't have to leave for almost an hour (and that's leaving me time to get some breakfast at the little take-out place down the street), so I thought I'd write an entry.

What did I do last night besides play trivia games? Not much. I read my entry from this time last year. I was in Hong Kong. I also talked to Harvey for a few minutes. It was a good conversation- I learned a little bit about him. I realised I really don't know him as well as I thought I did. He does make it difficult to remember that he had a long & interesting life before this current work-a-holic stage. It would be nice if the conversation could have been longer, but he had a cold and needed to do some more work before trying to get to bed early. Hope we can talk like that again soon.

Today I'm going to try my errands again (pictures and dry cleaning). And tonight I plan on using the conditioner I got at Lush, so hopefully I won't have much work to do tonight.

I'm going to try to ask the math instructor today if he can tell us when the tests are, so maybe I won't have to go to the class very often. If he won't tell us (which is ridiculous since many people have to plan their lives around these things), I guess I can just use the class time to look at the book myself and do pratice problems or something.

My throat still thinks it has a cold today. I'm going to prove it wrong.

I downloaded the pictures I want to put on my site, but I doubt I'll actually do anything with that until August- when I plan to scan some other pictures from the end of last year and this year. I'd rather be anal and do the picture thing in order, rather than put up some now just because they're ready to be put up.

I did my math homework (it's still really easy) and read a little of the next chapter for human sexuality. Now I need to do some work and then I should have some relaxing time tonight. These summer classes are amazingly not as bad (and as time consuming) as I thought they would be. Happy.

I remembered to take a picture of Hunter North today. It won't be a very nice picture (it was difficult to get the entire building or at least get something that resembled a nice-looking picture), but it gets the point across.

I was going to print the chapters Kristin sent me to read on the way to Toronto, but I realised it was over 200 pages. So, I'll just read it on my computer when I have time. I haven't read any yet, but I'm already impressed. She's been working on it since college (though she didn't write that much in the beginning) and from the little I glanced at, it looks extremely detailed.

Recently I feel like the days rush by. And even more recently I've started to feel like life is rushing by. I feel behind and I can't catch up. It's impossible to catch up. I'd have to go backwards and that's impossible. Yet I regret nothing. How I can I have no regrets but feel like I'm behind in life?

And that's just one of the problems I think about all too often these days. I really did not do well with my last birthday. It brought up all kinds of issues that previously only got a minute or two of my thoughts. Death, children, marriage, family, friends, careers... How scary it is to make decisions. You can't go back and try something else. You can move forward and try something else though. And I'm trying to look at it that way but it's difficult. Sometimes I really wish life could have a dress rehearsal.

I didn't go to math today. Maybe I should have since I'm not going to go tomorrow either (so I can come home and pack and take care of a few things before I have to leave for the airport around 5:00), but I was tired and just didn't feel like going. I'll probably bring my books to Toronto and spend my free evenings at the hotel bar (should be quiet) studying math and sexuality.

I picked up my dry cleaning, did some work, and now need to go through the mail and figure out what I need for Toronto (it's not as warm as I thought it would be by now).

It feels later than it is since I've been home for a while and it's dark outside (stormy for a change). This is the first time in a LONG time (I can't even remember the last time) that I thought it was later than it was. Usually time goes so quickly I always think it should be earlier than it is. Maybe I'll take the time this evening to send some overdue emails.

I didn't see anything I wanted to take a picture of when I was out today, so I just took a picture of myself at home since I thought I looked rather cute today. The picture probably won't turn out very well though. The pictures taken with the timer never really come out very well.

I don't have as much day-to-day rage as I used to. Things just don't bother me as much- that could be because not as many irritating things happen that when something does happen, it doesn't seem as bad. It's nice to have things go smoothly, for the most part. Hope I didn't just jinx myself.

I wish I still liked sitting at coffee shops and writing all night. That sounds like fun. But I don't write like I used to. Guess that period of my life is over. Which leads me to thinking about how fast life goes and how it never seems like enough time. Too depressing- I do not want to spend another night (for the near future) thinking about this.

My mouse pad is sticky (possibly from the humidity in the apartment) and is making it difficult to slide the mouse around. Anyone have any suggestions?

As usual at the beginning of a semester, I was extremely tired yesterday. Not only was it the beginning of a semester (it always takes me about a week to get into the routine) but I was sort of still fighting off a cold and it was dark and gloomy (still is, in fact). So I got in bed around 5:00 and read my sexuality book for an hour. Then I got up and did a little work. I was supposed to go through the mail and organise everything for Toronto, but that didn't happen. Instead I got back in bed around 9:30 and fell asleep probably by 11:00- although between 9:30 and 11:00, I was in a weird daze. And I still had trouble getting up at 6:30 this morning. I stayed in bed until 7:15, contemplating skipping both classes today.

Instead I got up and got everything organised and packed (except for the things I need this afternoon) for Toronto. I also did some work for about an hour. I decided the mail can wait until Monday night and math work can wait until I get back as well (the test isn't until a week from today, so I'll just study sexuality in Toronto since that test is Monday).

So I'll go to my sexuality class today but not math. I'll get home around 1:30, take a shower, finish organising and packing, and then get to the airport. At least I fly out of La Guardia, which is the quickest for me to get to.

Although, I think I could skip the class. He really goes through the material quickly- mentioning a few key points. Do I need to be there every single day? Not really- I can read the book just as easily and do the practice questions on the website (just did the test for chapter 3, and without any studying, got an 81%). So what's the point of going to class today? None.

Wow! How relaxing! I can work and get things ready for the trip without feeling stressed. How great this summer session is. This is what school should be like- go to class when you feel it will benefit you and otherwise, read the material. Although, maybe he'll tell us which points we should focus on. Well, so far, it's not that much information (in the 4 chapters). I think I'll just study all of it. I can figure out what's important and what can be skimmed over. And hopefully the practice questions will be a good example of what I should concentrate on. Yeah, I'm not worried.

So now I have several more hours than I originally had. This is great! I can deal with the mail and not be pressured to do it Monday night.

Every once in a while I think about progression- especially in the technology field- and I am amazed at what human beings have accomplished.

I'm looking forward to my short flight. Most of my travelling recently has either been a short enough distance to drive, bus, or train it or has been a long distance with 7+ hour flights or has been a short distance but involved a long flight beforehand so I was already tired of travelling. So now I was will have a nice two hour flight from home.

And I'm really looking forward to Toronto and wish I had more free time there. The more I read about it, the more I want to see (although most places I'm interested in are eating and drinking establishments and some live music places like jazz clubs, cabarets, and piano bars). Wish the Blue Jays were in town, but they're not.

Anyway, I'm on the plane now and keep getting the Marzipan variation of "The Nutcracker" in my head.

It took WAY TOO LONG to get a cab to the airport this evening. I saw a Super Shuttle stop at a light and I almost ran over to see if they were going to La Guardia and if they had room. But I didn't. I kept waiting and eventually got one. I hate that all cab drivers put on the "off duty" signs between 5:00-7:00 PM. But even with not getting a cab for a while and the usual rush hour traffic, I still got to the airport on time.

So now I'm at the hotel bar and enjoying the music- swing, old standards... and looking out the window at the CN Tower and the purple lit Sky Dome.

I'm still shaken from the airport experience- these drinks aren't helping. Maybe I should just go lie down.

Today was rather dull. Work wans't hectic, which gave plenty of time to sit around doing nothing (I'm terrible at doing nothing).

I realised a big thing that bothers me about George. Whenever I leave after seeing him, I feel worse. I do notice the things that bother me when I'm with him too, but it's really when I'm away from him that he really gets to me. He really prefers talking to men, which is fine, but it still hurts when I'm with him, Neil, and Paula and he'll ask both of them questions about stuff and ignore me. I mean, he'll answer my questions if I ask him something, but he never initiates anything and I don't like being ignored- even by people I really don't like. And I suppose that's my problem, but in this particular case it's George that is contributing to my problem. What I really need to do is figure out how to not let this bother me.

And really this is a problem in my life in general. If I ever feel ignored or not respected, I get upset. It would be nice to stay away from this type of person and to only surround myself with people who respect me, but this is not possible. So I need to figure out how to not let these people bring me down. Paula does a great job of it. Lots of people don't like her or think she's pretty much useless (in the business sense), but she ignores this completely. And it's not like I have low self esteem and let these people make me feel bad about myself. I'm the only person who causes me to get down on myself. And it bothers me when I'm not included in their group activities. It wouldn't bother me if I didn't enjoy myself at these group activities (since I usually do enjoy myself when I am included). But what is it about me that I so often get overlooked or excluded or disrespected? Is it because I look so young? They assume I'm a kid, so how can I possibly be a part of their conversations? If they spent 20 minutes with me they'd realise I'm more mature and intelligent than they are. Maybe that's what bothers them (yeah right). What I need to do is meet a nice bunch of people who are fun and intelligent and make them a part of my life. But how? where are these fun and intelligent people that would be happy to include me in their lives?

Anyway, this evening Neil and I went to dinner at La Vecchia- a cute, Italian restaurant in a hip area on Yonge St. Then I went with him to Moovenpicks for dessert (I didn't want anything). As we were heading back to the hotel, we were walking by Starbucks and I smelled someone smoking pot. I decided to stick around in case this person wanted to share. I got a decaf coffee (which I didn't want) and sat outside, trying to figure out where the wonderful smell was coming from. After a few minutes, I got bored and gave up. Oh well.

Now I'm at the hotel bar having a martini.

There's a convention here, and the people are obnoxious. Fortunately, they left the bar a few minutes after I got here.

Oh, I did get in touch with Rose today. We're going to have lunch on Sunday.

Today I had the US Air theme music in my head. Yuck.

Back to George. I do enjoy one on one conversations with him most of the time. I was debating asking him to join me for a drink, but I really didn't want to make the effort and it's nice being alone right now.

And the main thoughts still occupying my time (death, future, marriage, career, love, friendship...) does not make this a happy time for me emotionally, even though my life is pretty good right now. I have my health, my family, my few friends, doing well with work, almost halfway through my undergraduate degree, have a great apartment in a wonderful city, doing a lot of travel... When did thought of the future start occupying so much of my time? I guess it started around my birthday. I often think about such things around my birthday, but then the thoughts are few and far between until the next year (with a heavy period around Christmas). I want to just enjoy my present and let the future happen as it will, but I'm having trouble with that. I don't want to look back and wonder where all the time went. What can I do about all this?

I wish I could watch a movie in the room, but Neil's sleeping. I guess I could get another drink and keep writing, but I don't really want to do that. But that's what I'll probably do.

The weather here is FOGGY and rainy. It is supposed to be like this all weekend. I don't know if Neil will want to go up in the CN Tower. I guess I'll go with him on Sunday though, if it's not as foggy as it was today. I don't have a great need to do that though. The only sightseeing I want to do is go to Casa Loma.

This is such a depressing entry.

I've been so cold today. The air conditioning is blowing everywhere I go and it's SO NOT NECESSARY! And it's damp and humid and everything I touch feels cold and wet.

Couple behind me talking about using the Internet to get info for travelling. Woman's brother is working in Shanghai (the new business centre of Asia, or so it seems to me) and wants her to do marketing in Hong Kong. I wouldn't mind joining their conversation, but I'm enjoying being alone right now. Besides, she's a bit annoying. The guy seems more interesting.

Trying a Star Martini now- Absolut vodka & Godiva White Chocolate liqueur. Creamy with a bite. Not bad. Nice way to end the evening, I guess.

I'm rather nervous about leaving Canada now- after the ordeal I had getting in. Last time I was here in '94, my knee was bothering me when I was leaving so I was limping a bit. They were suspicious of my limping. They were suspicious of EVERYTHING- the spelling of my name (there was a typo on my driver's license), my two different coloured eyes... Geez- I didn't know it would be as hard to get out as it was to get in.

I wish I could ask someone who works there what it is they're looking for and why they ask the questions they do. But if they think you're harassing or being uncoroperative, they'll really get you into trouble, so I'll keep my questions to myself. I've tried acting different ways, but no matter what I do (reserved and polite, friendly and polite, chipper and polite, business-like and polite...), I have problems. I don't know what else to do. Paula said that maybe they target women travelling alone. She read an article about one businesswoman getting searched 5 times in a few months.

More depressing stuff I've found to write about.

It's really beginning to feel like the Arctic Circle in here. Doesn't help that I'm drinking an ice cold drink.

This couple behind me- the guy is asking the girl a zillion questions and the girl gets to talk all about her job (marketing) in great detail.

Everyone here is part of a couple or group except me. And this is a hotel bar- I expected to see more people alone.

I love and hate being alone at the same time. I love having time to myself, to write, to drink, to think, to observe, but I hate being the only one alone time after time after time after time.

Oh, I like the Hyatt better than the Four Seasons. I think I almost always like Hyatts more than Four Seasons (although I really don't have many to compare). And this Four Seasons is rather old and tired looking.

Now I have "Tug Boat" from "Thou Shalt Not" in my head.

Wish I could have gotten stoned with those people at Starbucks.

Okay, time to finish this drink and go to bed early. I just want to end this day and hope for a better tomorrow.

Yesterday was slightly more active at work and the day seemed to go more quickly.

Neil and I went to dinner at Bistro 990- yum! I had pork tenderloin in a hoisan sauce with oriental noodles, Neil had lamb chops. Then I sat with him while he had dessert at the hotel (nice presentation, they do on their desserts).

I decided to call George to see if he wanted to join me for a drink at the hotel bar. One drink turned into several, and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. We talked about travel and economics (as we usually tend to do) and we also talked about me (a first). For some reason, I wound up telling him about my current emotional state (the constant thoughts about death, the feeling that I'm behind where I'd like to be, the marriage and kids issue...), and he was an excellent listener and tried to help. He also told me that the reason he and Linda get along so well is that neither of them think too much and both are easy going about everything. They hardly ever argue. Must be nice. That will never be me though- I think way too much about everything. But it was wonderful to be listened to- especially by someone who usually just likes to tell "impressive" stories about himself. Oh, and another thing we have in common- he used to be (and still is for some things) left handed. He broke his wrist when he was living in Brazil when he was a kid and they didn't set it right so when he got to the States, they re-broke it and set it correctly. So he had to learn how to use his right hand. It seems like every time I talk to him, I learn about something else we have in common. Scary.

Oh, and earlier in the day he said, "I had an occular migraine and thought of you,". I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just laughed. He said that it was nice to know someone else who gets them. My thoughts exactly.

Oh, and when he told me the wrist breaking story, it was a story of how he was climbing a tree and got scared and fell to the ground. I don't think he's ever admitted being scared to me before. Nice that he finally was honest and didn't make up stuff like he does during most conversations.

I fell asleep around 2:00 AM feeling fine. I woke up at 6:00 to pee and felt pretty drunk. When the wake-up call came at 7:30, I felt sick, like I'd been drinking all night. Strange.

Neil and I had breakfast and then went to Casa Loma. Awesome castle (although it was strange to see such a modern castle after all the really old ones in Scotland)! I love that you can actually explore all the nooks and crannies (and secret passages and tunnels) unlike some of the castles I saw in the UK. I ran out of film shortly after I got there and couldn't find the other roll I thought I had. Frustrating.

Neil left for his flight and I waited for Rose and her fiance, Gary. They arrived, and we walked on Bloor St. to By the Way Cafe. We talked of travel and our respective cities and airport security and other random topics. Very nice people!

Then we walked around Chinatown. There was an awesome African shop where they let you play their instruments. There was a great group of people playing a bunch of percussion instruments, and the longer we stayed, the bigger the group became. I could have listened to them all day. Then we walked through Queen's Park and back to the Hyatt. Yes, I'll have a ton of stuff to do when I get home tonight, and I'll have to wake up super early tomorrow, but it was worth getting to see more of Toronto.

Now I'm at the airport and didn't have any problems going through passport control or customs! My flight is delayed though. Right now it says it will be 15 minutes late, but who knows what time we will depart. And I checked my bag since I was tired and didn't feel like shoving it in the overhead bin and getting it back out, but that means I'll have to wait for it at La Guardia. At least customs is done here instead of there. I'm not going to want to do anything when I get home except check my email (won't be much that's new since it's a Sunday and I checked it last night) and go to bed, but somehow I'll force myself to study for the sexuality test.

I heard back from the math teacher, and he didn't answer my question. I wanted to know the dates of upcoming exams so I can plan my work schedule and he told me only about the 1st one (which is Tuesday, NOT Thursday like he originally said). So I'm not sleeping much tomorrow night either since I'll have the work I didn't finish tomorrow morning plus study like crazy for math. And then Wednesday is wake up super early for jury duty. Ugh- I don't want to deal with all this.

Two nights ago, George was in my dream. We were talking and about to kiss or something when his bus pulled up and he ran to catch it. It was the Chinatown bus. As he was getting on the bus, he changed into someone else, but I don't know who it was.

Last night, I had a lot of weird, little dreams. I was in an apartment in a strange part of town (I think in Baltimore) and there was a dead squirrel on the floor. Then another one died right next to it. Then I got a card in the mail that a teacher of mine in kindergarden (Barb Brubeck) died at the age of 98. Then there was a woman telling me how proud she was of her son and how he was going to sing a song he wrote at our reunion. Then Rebeka was choreographing a dance for a few people in a musical I was in (her mother was in her dance). Alix was there as well as Heritage Players people. I was in the basement of the theatre using the bathroom which was just in a big room with no door. People started coming down but no one saw me. Then I was in a small room where actors pick up their TONY's the day after the big event. I was the only one there. Robert Sean Leonard came in to get his TONY and asked why I was there. I told him I'd rather see the day after than the big event- it's more real. He agreed. We were talking about something, and it turned out that he was responsible for the dead squirrels in the apartment. He said he would come over and get rid of them. At some point I was either in a car with someone else driving or on a bus or walking around the bad neighbourhood where my apartment was and passing by several fun-looking places. I told whoever I was with that I didn't remember them being there and I was happy that they were, even though it meant walking a bit of a distance through a bad neighbourhood. I don't remember the rest of the dream.

So I didn't do much studying last night. I was exhausted and couldn't concentrate on the material. I think I'm just worn out from the busy schedule I've had for the past several months. I woke up this morning and still had trouble concentrating but managed to get the main points of the material.

The test was the obnoxious multiple choice with: A, B, C, A&D, B&C, all of the above, but I think I did fairly well (probably a B).

I got home and was exhausted. I spent a few hours replying to email and going back and forth between telling myself I really needed to study for math and telling myself I should rest so I can study when I have a little more energy. Fortunately, most of the material is easy (just have to memorise a few formulas). I'm just happy I managed to find my calculator. I found out today that we needed one for our test, and I didn't want to have to buy one. Fortunately, mine was right where I thought it was (finally some good luck).

It's stormy for a change.

I finally remembered to put the new battery in my cordless phone, so hopefully I'll be able to use it for more than 2 hours without the battery dying now.

I called Kim tonight on a whim and learned that she's been meaning to call me to tell me she's coming up here this weekend for her birthday. Very cool! It'll be great to see her again and I really liked her husband Marty when I met him last winter, so it'll be nice to see him too.

Oh yeah, the cab driver I had last night had an odd comment to me. He told me, when we were going over the Triboro, that he had EZ Pass. Uh, of course you do. Isn't it required of taxis?

I finally got Harvey a birthday present today. Casual button-down shirt- he has no casual clothes and really should have some. He always wears his warm dress shirts and acutally often heavy wool suits. He's going to Hong Kong in July and would really benefit by having cooler shirts to wear during his time off. I really hope he'll like it.

Whew- I didn't think I had the energy to type all this.

Okay, time to go look at this math crap and then go to bed :-)

I think I had some kind of adventure dream last night- going down rivers and stuff.

The more I studied this morning, the less I understood. I really got confused the more I tried to understand. I started to get really nervous around 9:00 and called Rebecca since she seems to love to help in any situation. She actually didn't know the stuff I was studying, but she was able to listen and figure out some of it. I'm not sure if that really helped much though. My main problem was the generalised multiplication principle (I understand the basic principle but not how to apply it to all the ridiculous word problems) and how to know when to use that over the combination or permutation things. So I at least memorised all the formulas and went to class. I got there early, so I did a few practice problems and at least understood the beginning stuff we learned so I could at least do well on that part. When it came time for the test, it was mostly problems we've done before so it was much easier than I expected. Yea. I think I did rather well (but I always think that about math tests and then wind up getting most of it wrong). Whatever- at least there won't be another one until next week.

I feel so relaxed tonight. No work to do, no school work to do, nothing to study for... I'd do something fun, but I need to go to bed early since I have to wake up with the sun tomorrow morning to get downtown for jury duty. It would be nice to get selected, but I hope I don't since I don't have the time. I'm virtually positive I won't be selected- I look too young.

I cut my hair tonight about 4 inches. I like it. It's long enough to still try to go to Bumble & Bumble to see if they'd like to pay me to let them style my hair (I'm hoping they still do that) and short enough to be less effort (especially when colouring). Oh, and I finished the test so quickly this afternoon, I had time to get a few things at CVS and drop off a roll of film as well and get home by 2:45. Loved that! And I wasn't tired when I got home either, which was a nice change.

I had Beethoven's "7th Symphony" in my head while in the shower today. An odd selection for shower-time.

Just had a thought- I wonder what security is like at the courthouse? I'm sure I won't have any problems, but still, just the thought of more security stuff makes me tense. But I do a good job of not looking tense when I'm there so I don't look more suspicious than I supposedly already look. I guess they picture the headlines reading: NEXT MAJOR TERROR ATTACK- BY 17 YEAR OLD CAUCASIAN GIRL and want to make sure that doesn't happen.

I was emailing Robyn (woman from Vancouver that I met here in October who is now planning on moving here soon) advise on apartment/neightbourhood hunting last night, and I was looking around my apartment and reminding myself how lucky I am. I really have a terrific apartment! I have a HUGE living room that has space available. I want to try to use the space better. Wish I could take some of the living room space and add it to my shower space (the showers are really too small) and add some space onto the guest room, but obviously that's not happening. Maybe I can find a creative way to use the space in August.

Although, I realised I'm turning August into a busier month than June. Sure, the stuff isn't work or school related, but they'll still take a lot of energy (cleaning closets, fixing computer stuff...). I think I'll just get done whatever I can and make sure I have plenty of time for rest. I need it. The stuff I want to get done obviously isn't urgent or they'd already be done. The closets can stay looking like a tornado touched down in there. I would really like to organise my photos though. Maybe I'll just scan the ones from the past year and put them on my site. I should be less anal with my photos. If they're not all labeled and in albums, it's not a terrible thing. So yes, August will be more relaxing. And I'm still hoping to take a West Virginia/Virginia trip at the end of the month- stopping in Baltimore on the way down and back for snowballs (and seeing a few people as well).

And I just got a nice email from Andy- more thoughts of the New River Valley...

So it was pouring when I was going downtown for jury duty. Five minutes ago, it was thundering and pouring. Now it looks like the sun is coming out a little (just in time for it to set).

Going to jury duty today was a waste. I had to sit through the orientation video (the history part wasn't too bad) and then they said if you couldn't be here for the next 3 days to go to 60 Centre St. Room 139. So several of us did that. Because I had to give them my camera and sign the form and wait for the receipt, I was last in line at room 139. They finally asked what day I would like to postpone to and I said early August. So my new date is August 12. Maybe I could actually do it then. It would be nice to be selected for a trial then.

So I got home with plenty of time to make it to Math, but I didn't go since I was planning on being downtown all day. I definitely had enough stuff to do here.

I used to like making vanilla cokes a lot, and whenever I asked for it in a coffee shop or something, they always thought it was odd even though the idea has been around for years. Well, now coke sells bottles of vanilla coke! Just bought a bottle yesterday and it's pretty good (still needs more vanilla though).

I saw the most ridiculous commercial for the card game, Uno, today. It was also strange to see a non-electronic game advertised on TV. Are they trying to get board games to make a comeback? I miss playing board games sometimes (especially Scattegories and Clue).

Is there anywhere in the US that still has milkmen? Maybe in the midwest or central plains or something?

I really dislike Adam Sandler, but I still want to see "Mr. Deeds" just for Steve Buscemi.

Oh, when we were all sitting around in the room at the courthouse, a woman decided to sit right next to me (everyone else spread out). She sighed and grunted the entire time! And when we were watching the video, she was loudly in agreement with all the statements about jury duty being a waste of time and stuff. Very obnoxious!

Today is a tired day. I'm thinking about watching a movie tonight. I always say that though and never do it. I haven't watched a movie at home in ages. In fact, except for 4-5 movies in the theatre and 1-2 on planes, I haven't seen any other movies this year. Maybe instead I'll read more of Larry McMurtry's "Roads", which I got at the Toronto airport for some reason. So far it's not my favourite, but maybe it will get a little better. I like the idea of driving on the Interstates and noticing the differences between all the different landscapes and weather and stuff, but I don't like his constant referencing other books- that gets annoying. But yeah, I think I'll read some more of it tonight. I'm just excited to actually have time to read. Of course I could read some of my sexuality book or start looking at the next chapter for math, but I can do that over the weekend.

Just had a thought: If I ever have a boy, I think I'd like to name him either Grover or Joel. Don't really have any girls names that I especially like, but I would pick a strong name- not a girly name like Holly or Tina or Carrie or any name that you can make a cutsy nickname out of (like Jenni or Cassie or Mandy, although I've always liked Ruthie- probably because I've liked all the Ruthie's I've ever met).

I had a dream last night that I was getting married. It was a mess. I think I was marrying Jon in some old cottage or guesthouse or something. I was very calm for most of the day and then an hour before, I started to panic. Wasn't I supposed to be dressed up or something? Why wasn't anyone around? I ran to the bathroom and Tracey Chester was in there- she looked the same. I was wearing a sweater and a skirt and didn't think it was nice enough. Paula came in and said I looked fine. Then I didn't know what the actual wedding was going to be like. I had 20 minutes left and I was asking everyone I ran into what was expected of me. I told everyone I was keeping my own name, saying that I only previously wanted to change it if I liked the guy's last name and I liked my own more than Jon's. Then I asked about rings. Was I supposed to give Jon a ring, if so, was I supposed to know where that ring was? Then it was time for the wedding. I went out and was very casual about the whole thing. In the middle, someone handed me a ring. It was a hideous thing- fake gold, broken, looked like something you would find for children playing dress up. But that was the ring I put on his finger. The ring he had for me didn't fit. Then everyone left and the day was over and the next day I was supposed to go back to work. I asked someone why I didn't get a honeymoon, and Paula said that honeymoons were only for people who were serious about their marriage. She was right, I wasn't serious about it. I remember thinking when we were at the part of the wedding where we pledge our love or whatever, that I was saying it but also trying to figure out how everyone said this part and meant it. I didn't want to get married, especially not to Jon.

So I think I'll avoid the getting married just for the sake of being married thing. I wasn't really serious about that anyway. It would just be convenient to know someone who I actually wanted to marry. But I'm really afraid that I'm just not the kind of person who is good at long term relationships. I don't even like many people at all, let alone people with whom I want to be in a serious relationship. So maybe I won't have the little dream of having a family of my own. Maybe I'll enjoy my life alone. Or maybe there will be some drastic change at some point and my whole outlook on life will change and that will allow me to meet someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. It's too early to think about this anymore.

It's not just me who has been thinking about death recently. Yesterday I heard 2 guys talking about death, religion, heaven, and sin and then 5 minutes later I heard 2 women talking about all the things that could happen to someone, like one day just getting hit by a car.

Kim and Marty are going to dinner at Bellini for her birthday dinner. She asked if I wanted to join them, but I thought I'd be in the way of a potentially romantic dinner. But I've been wanting to go there for a while, and when else would I actually go? So I think if they get in touch with me before tomorrow night, I'll ask if they really don't mind me joining them. But maybe they won't be able to get a reservation for 3 by tomorrow. I'll just play it by ear.

The sexuality instructor said he would post our grades on the website yesterday, but I keep checking and haven't seen anything yet. Maybe he'll say something about it today.

I kind of want to get up early and watch the US/Germany game, but I also think I should probably sleep in whenever I can.

I actually don't have much to do this weekend (I'm still so thankful I don't have any papers to write for this semester). There are a few shows I'd like to see but for some reason am not interested in actually getting tickets for any of them (don't know why- maybe I'm on a little theatre hiatus?). Maybe I'll rent a couple movies Saturday. I haven't rented a movie in ages! And staying home and relaxing sounds really good.

We got our sexuality test back today but they didn't have grades on them. He put all the tests in a pile and put up one answer sheet on the wall. There were about 100 people crowding around a tiny spot on the wall trying to figure out there grades by looking at each answer on their test and see if it matched each answer on the answer sheet. That was WAY too crowded. And there's still no information on the website. So I'm still not sure what I got. Oh well. And we'll get the math test back on Monday.

I'm remembering how much I loved Thursday nights when I was taking summer classes in Phoenix. Tonight is the first Thursday that I'm home, and I'm really looking forward to it!

Happy birthday Harvey!!!

Last night I read "Fried Calamari". It was a cute, quick read, and it was fun to be able to read an entire book (yes, it was only around 150 pages) at once.

Tonight I'll be joining Kim and Marty at Bellini (yum) and then joining them and her friends, Alex and Suzanne (who live in either Chelsea or Tribeca- can't remember which), for drinks after. I feel so normal- going out for dinner and drinks with friends on a Friday night. Sure, I love to spend Friday nights at home, but I can certainly pass that up for a night on the town with fun, friendly people. I met Suzanne last time Kim was up here, and she seemed nice. Maybe we could get together one day when Kim isn't up here.

I emailed my sexuality instructor for my grade but haven't heard back from him yet.

Today has felt like Saturday ever since I woke up. So glad it's Friday instead- more weekend!!!

Listening to this album makes me want to see Lowen & Navarro live. Fortunately, they're actually playing in NYC (usually if they play in New York, it's somewhere upstate) in the middle of July. Tickets haven't gone on sale yet, but hopefully it won't be difficult to get a ticket when they do go on sale. It would be so much fun to see them here.

I'm really looking forward to going to the video store tomorrow. Except for maybe once this winter, I haven't been there since August. They have a website with the available titles and free delivery, so I don't have to actually go there, but I think I'd rather look around and I'll be able to read the boxes.

Today feels like a good day!

Last night was okay. I met Kim & Marty at at Bellini. The food was great (I had really good gnocchi) but it was mostly empty which made the atmosphere rather dull and I didn't care for the staff.

Then we met her friends, Suzanne & Alex and 2 other couples, at Coz down in the East Village. That place was a little too trendy for me. I would have liked it better if I wasn't the only single person in a group full of couples, or perhaps if I just knew the people I was with. Later in the evening, Kelli (from Liberty Showcase) showed up. She's Suzanne's cousin, which I knew, but I didn't know she'd be joining us. She walked in and recognised me right away. She was just as I remembered her- perky and pretty (she reminds me of Michelle Bar-av). In fact, everyone in the group was pretty, in a made-up, Pikesville (or Randallstown in their case) kind of way. It made me feel rather plain, and I was dressed up last night. Fortunately, Kim & Marty are not night owls, so we didn't stay long.

Today I rented two movies ("Ghost World" and "Sidewalks of New York"). Then decided to make my picture of the day a picture of the 59th St. Bridge, took a few pictures around that area, and kept walking towards the river. I figured as long as I was there, I would take a little walk by the river (guess I haven't had my fill of city walking).

Marcell called me the afternoon- we had been playing phone tag for a little while. She's still having a tough time making medical decisions and has been doing tons of research and getting opinions from everyone she knows. Talking to her (and learning in my sexuality class that 1 in 7 women gets breast cancer) made me think seriously again about making a gynocologist appointment. Marcell gave me the name of her doctor, so I'll try to make an appointment with her very soon.

Today I'm going to learn the material for Math and watch a movie (or possibly both movies). Tomorrow I might go to breakfast with Kim & Marty and possibly go to Central Park for a gathering of MPR people at a bench dedicated to Vinnie Kane (a firefighter who died on September 11) and tomorrow night I'll look over the Math stuff some more and study for the sexuality test (still haven't heard back about my grade).

Even after being surrounded by couples last night, I'm totally enjoying my single life today (and having an apartment to myself). It was so relaxing to take a walk this afternoon, listen to my choice of music while typing this, and decide when I want to watch a movie (and of course, decide that I AM watching a movie tonight, rather than having to make a decision of tonight's activities with another person). I feel so free and relaxed. Yes, I may want to have a family at some point in my life, but I really don't want that right now. I just hope at some point I'll be able to tell it's the right time and when I do decide it's the right time, I hope I can find someone compatible who also feels it's the right time.

Oh well, I'll just put the math out of my mind and go take a shower and then watch a movie.

I was just checking the highlights from the Dodgers/Red Sox game and saw that Jesse Orosco is still playing. I never heard about him retiring, but I thought he'd be retired by now. Is he currently the oldest player in MLB?

Stanley Tucci's character talks about not being monogomous as being okay. That's fine. But don't tell your wife you're faithful to her.

I think part of the reason I'm not ready for a relationship is because I'm not ready to see myself in a situation that I'm supposed to be in for the rest of my life. That sounds so final. I definitely understand the fear of committment thing. But I hope that when I meet someone that I actually like and can see myself enjoying most of my time with them, that my fear of committment will go away. I don't want to be one of those people who never wants to grow up. But I also feel that any decision in your life has to be the final decision. As you grow and change, your opinions and philosophies change. As far as a lifetime relationship goes, sure it would be nice if you can grow and change together, but if you don't, it shouldn't be a horrible thing to grow apart and move onto another phase of your lives. But then I also think that it's good to work through problems and stay with your committment (be it in a relationship or in another area of your life- like a career or even just a place of residence). How do you know when you're making the right decision? Is there always a right decision? Life is like one of those choose your own adventure books except that if you come to a dead end, you can't go back and choose another direction. That's what makes life interesting, I guess. If you could go back in time and change things, you would try all kinds of stupid things. But it's scary to think that you could be making the wrong decision. I like to tell myself that there are no wrong decisions. Just because they turn out in a way you didn't expect, doesn't mean it was a wrong decision at the time. With all the changes that can occur, it's easy for a decision that felt good at the time become something that goes a different way. And that's okay. You should never regret anything. But I don't always listen to myself. And do I have a point of this rambling paragraph? Not really. Or actually I have a bunch of points but can't come to any conclusions with them. See, I can't even committ to a point about any of this.

Back to the movie- be wary of guys who play the guitar (there's usually a scary reason they play).

Stanley Tucci can be very funny.

And it's nice to see Heather Graham in a role where she's not a sex object.

Ugh, I'm getting sick of all these overly dramatic couples. It's too much. I was planning on watching "The Women", on PBS tonight, but maybe I should just tape it and watch it some other time.

I don't like seeing people crying. If it's for a serious reason, sometimes I feel sad along with them and if it's not for a serious reason, I find it hard to care.

Hmm, I wish I had a girlfriend who would pretend to be me and ask someone out for me because I feared rejection too much. That would be pretty convenient.

Great last few lines of the movie.

I wonder if I could trick myself into thinking opposite thoughts about time from what I'm currently thinking. If I could tell myself time seems to move so slowly (especially during times when it feels super fast), maybe it would actually feel slow. Then I could have tons of time before I really want to start a family and by then I'd be ready.

I know it's not July yet, but I wanted to write about my July resolution idea. Besides sticking to a work-out program, I want to continue my take-a-picture-every-day thing, and since I'll be home (hopefully) every day in July, when the month is over, I can call my little project, "Snapshots of New York". (Of course July isn't the prettiest month in New York, but I'll find the beauty.)

I spent too much time reading the Times this morning.

I started to get a sore throat last night and woke up this morning with a cold. I guess that thing I fought off a couple weeks ago caught up with me. I finally had a chance to rest for a few minutes and the cold raced to come out. I'm dragging today but hopefully it won't last that long.

I looked at the math again this morning and understood it this time. Now I need to figure out sections 3-6. And in between, I'll study for sexuality, go through the mail, and watch "Ghost World" .

Not much else to say today.

Called Daniel today to see if I could stay with him next Friday night since I have to be in DC Saturday afternoon and can't stay comfortably at Neil & Maxine's (they're renovating their house and the spare bedroom is gone and the loveseat- not that a loveseat is that comfortable to begin with- will be covered in dust). So Daniel said it was fine! Lucky. I'm looking forward to seeing him. I miss that guy.

Liked "Ghost World" (Thora Birch is so cute). Now it's time to try to fall asleep.

I didn't sleep last night. I spent from 11:30-1:30 trying to stop my nose from running (I guess it has a permanent leak or something) and then got up and did some stuff from about 1:30-2:30. Then I spent the rest of the night holding a tissue to my nose and dozing on and off.

I did manage to study a bit this morning, but my nose was driving me crazy during the test so rather than go over it when I was finished, I just handed it in. I think I did fine (maybe between 85%-90%).

Got the Math test back- got a 59%. And I don't even understand how he really graded it. He seemed angry at us but didn't know enough English to make his point. Whatever, I'll do better on the next one.

So I have a fever of 102.6� right now. Lovely. So much for getting a lot done today. Think I'll skip classes tomorrow (even though the sexuality instructor gave us a little lecture today about how attendence does count and he does know when we miss his class- although I really don't know how he can know all of us, guess he has a photographic memory). But I think I'll have to skip classes tomorrow (glad the next math test isn't until next Monday) so I can be well rested for Wednesday and Thursday. Especially Thursday, that's going to be a LONG day.

So tomorrow I'll try to sleep in a bit and then clean the apartment (since Neil will be staying here tomorrow night and the place is a bit of a mess- but it won't take that long- it's mostly just a trash run that I need to do). And I'll go through the mail tomorrow since it's a relaxing activity and should at least be a little productive since I'm skipping classes- use my time wisely.

But having a high fever seems fun to me sometimes (as long as I can take some of the time an induldge). I can lay in bed and feel tired and comfortable, I can walk down the street and not get irritated with the slow people walking in front of me, I can ignore responsibilities and not feel guilty...

I picked up my pictures today (half the roll was Amsterdam and the other half was my June picture-a-day. I'm going to have to write down the pictures as I take them since I don't really remember which pictures were taken on which day (since some days I took more than one). So I just approximated. Guess that's why digital cameras are nice- you can upload them immediately. But I actually like many of the pictures. I really think Kodak processing makes a little bit of a difference.

Right now I'm just hoping I can fall asleep unlike last night.

And now I'll stop writing since I don't really know what I am writing (the fever is making me pretty woozy) and I'm tired of staring at the monitor.

Well, I did sleep last night, but it was a strange night of sleep. I woke up every once in a while and felt like I had only dozed off for a few minutes, where in actuality, it had been a couple of hours. So I guess my body knows it slept even though my brain doesn't really think so.

Still have a high temperature (101�), but I feel slightly better. My throat still hurts but I don't feel too tired and my nose is much better than yesterday. I'm not going to classes today so I can be better rested (hopefully) for tomorrow and Thursday.

Rant of the day: I've been very patient (much more than I normally would be), but I'm finally fed up with online advertising- the ones that pop up, the ones that have sound that you can't mute, the ones that cover up the website you're viewing and you can't get rid of... It's becoming ridiculous. I don't know about other people, but I specifically want to avoid giving those companies my business. If you have to piss me off to get my attention, I'm going to avoid you at all costs.

I think my temperature is getting lower as I sit here. My brain is functioning better and I don't feel as peaceful as I did yesterday. Now if only the congestion would go away...

Have had songs from "Chess" in my head for several days now- including "One Night in Bangkok", which is not the most tuneful song to sing.

Went to Shelly's with Neil. There, I finally got to go. Well, I wasn't completely impressed with it but the food (at least my Alaskan Crab) was good. The prices are too high for tourists (and is in the tourist area) and the atmosphere doesn't sit well with New Yorkers, I guess. It was empty last night at 7:00 and every time I pass by on the bus, it's empty as well. But at least I finally went.

Another weird night of sleep. I kept waking up thinking I'd been sleeping the entire night when in actuality, it was only a few hours at most. Every time I went back to sleep I had another strange dream. I only remember part of the last two. The second to last one: I was in a car in Ireland and Rebecca was driving and some guy was with us. She almost got in an accident, but I told her to relax and take control of the car and we made it to our destination safely. She was exhausted when we got back, so I told her she could sleep in my room as long as she wanted (the guy in the car with us took a nap too- he had to leave for another part of his trip- I think he might have been going to Israel). I was leaving that day and forgot that I would need to check out of the room. The owner of the little hotel came to find me and I'm not sure what happened after that, but I did wind up in some room with a bunch of people, including Tom from IWII. He wrote a poem for each of us, and I didn't understand mine. The last dream I had: I was on a bus in Baltimore and as I was getting into my seat, I slightly bumped into the elderly woman's leg in front of me. I apologised and then sat down. Her buddy next to her turned around and yelled at me for hitting her. I told her it was an accident and I apologised and asked what else I was supposed to do. She kept talking to me, repeating the same things over and over like I didn't explain my side to her. She was ugly and obnoxious so I grabbed her face to try to make her understand. She grabbed my back and dug her nails into my skin. I decided to get off the bus then and pushed the tape strip for the next stop. Everyone got off then- guess it was the last stop. I tried to stay on the bus but realised it wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't to my destination yet (I figured out I was on the #3 but took the one to the park n' ride rather than to Towson) and I didn't want to run into those ladies, so I just got off and took the long way to Towson State. As I was going in one of the buildings for a shortcut, I realised there was a concert going on. Then the obnoxious woman tapped me (not lightly) on the shoulder with her cane and told me that I was going to help her friend get to where she was going. I didn't have time and didn't like the nasty woman anyway so I asked the ticket collector at the concert if I could go through the building to get to other buildings at Towson State. She looked around to make sure no one saw she was letting me do something illegal and then let me go through. The two old ladies couldn't keep up to see where I was going. Then my alarm went off.

So I'm in the coughing phase of this cold/flu thing. I still have a fever and that doesn't seem to want to go away. But Carl (new employee) is rather sick as well, so I'll have to will myself to get better so I can be more help than I had planned on being. I can do it. It's a challenge and I don't back down from a challenge and I hate to lose.

Okay, off to buy cough supressant.

The buildings at Hunter College are in constant repair. Some of the escalators are always broken and they are often doing stuff up in the ceiling. Yesterday I almost got hit in the head by a wire falling down from the ceiling- some guy was pulling it from the other end and it was lowering at a rapid rate as I walked in front of it. Scary. I almost wish it did hit me and that I had time for a lawsuit.

Add that to the fact that I almost got hit by a ladder as I was leaving my apartment yesterday... Some worker left a ladder leaning against my door and some bags and stuff on the floor in front of the door. If it had hurt me, I really would have liked to have done some kind of lawsuit (even though I don't have time for it).

Yesterday I got to sexuality class early like I always do and the instructor came up to me and asked my name. When I told him he said, "I'm going to call on you from now until the end of the semester. Don't ever miss my class again." Wow! So he does recognise if we're not there or not. Never mind the fact that I had a high fever- not missing class is the most important thing. So I was thinking about trying to leave work from 11:00-1:45 so I could go to his class today and then realised that was ridiculous. Instead, I decided I would go talk to an advisor (I hope they have them over the summer) about his policies (and the policies of teachers there in general). If they decide I need proof of being sick, I'll have to tell them that I can't prove that (I don't have a doctor and even if I did, I'll ask them if they would go to a doctor with the flu when all they're going to do is tell you to take Tylenol, get plenty of rest, and drink lots of fluid and then they'll charge you for it) but I can prove that I had jury duty. I can also prove that I'm a consciencious student by showing them my transcript with my good grades and in this particular class, I can show them emails I have sent the professor (the two asking for my grades and then tell them that I haven't received a reply and then I just sent him an email this morning telling him the reason for my absence today- I know he won't care about it, but if I have to prove to someone else that I'm not just slacking off, it's a little more evidence). I also just want to ask an advisor why when the school catalogue says attendence isn't mandatory, that almost all the teachers say it is. And then I want to ask why this is normal at a school like this, when the majority of the students are working parents. They are obviously going to college for their own benefit and want to do as well as they can. If they have to miss a class because they had to take their sick daughter to the hospital, they shouldn't be penalised for that. Sure, there are plenty of students just slacking off, but that should be their business. It's their time, their money, and their grades. If their grades suffer because they never came to class, then that's their own problem. If they can get an A with missing several classes, then good for them. Okay, that's the end of my rant for the day. As Harvey says, "to be continued".

Wish I didn't have to go to DC this weekend. I'd love a weekend to rest and study. Oh well, I'll read my sexuality book (study) on the train on the way down and try to sleep (rest) on the train on the way back- it's better than nothing.

Oh, so yesterday I got home and got a call from Paula telling me that they were desparate and needed me right away (instead of me showing up some time that evening to see if anyone needed help). I threw on some clothes, took some cough supressant, and went on my way (luckily I live so close). I did rather well most of the time except for one moment when I felt a little faint- fortunately, that went away.

Last night I barely slept, but it was not my usual having-trouble-sleeping kind of night. Last night I had too much on my mind that I couldn't put away until I had more time to think about it. I was tossing and turning and coughing thinking and occasionally almost in tears when the thoughts of death tried to peak through (but I got rid of those quickly telling myself I had enough problems and didn't have time for death last night) from midnight until around 3:30. Surprisingly I feel much better this morning. Maybe I should try no food and little sleep next time I'm sick. I really think I have some kind of rare contrary disease where sometimes the thing I do to make improvements is opposite of what I should do and it works. So this morning, after less than 4 hours of sleep, I have no fever and about 85% less congestion.

This cold went through the phases rapidly! Yesterday I had a lingering cough and some congestion and today I have a tiny lingering cough and a tiny bit of congestion. I feel much better! I like this sped up version of a cold.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. Don't know what else to say about it which is fine since I don't have too much time to write.

Last night Paula, Harvey, Neil, and I had delivery from Shun Lee (Peking Duck- yum) and I got to give Harvey his birthday present (I'm pretty sure he liked it- he at least liked the colour, a light greenish colour).

Today Neil and I stopped by the bank, had breakfast at Ess-a-Bagel, went to the Buttercup Bakeshop so Neil could get some cupcakes to take home, and now we're back at my apartment and will be leaving for the train station in about an hour.

I managed to pack my sexuality book in my overnight bag so I can read it on the train on the way down. I'm determined to do well on the last 3 tests. It'll be a pain carrying it all over the DC area (it's HEAVY), but it'll be worth it.

Oh, I'm glad I sent that email to the professor. I said something like, "I don't know if it matters to you why I'm absent, but I wanted to let you know..." and he wrote back, "It does make a difference to me as I am a bit under the weather right now myself. Hope you feel better soon." So I feel better about the whole you-better-not-miss-my-class-ever-again thing.

I was hoping to have Rebecca help me study for the math test on Sunday but it turns out that she will be sailing that day (lucky her). So I guess I'll have to spend Sunday figuring it all out on my own. I think it's actually not as bad as I originally thought it was, it's just that the more I look at it and try to understand it, the more confused I get and the less I understand. Maybe I'll get lucky. Whatever, I just need to take one thing at a time. I'm not worrying about math until Sunday.

I'm looking forward to today/tomorrow! I get to see Maxine, Abby, and Daniel and hopefully an awesome show at the Kennedy Center and make it back home in less than 36 hours.

Neil booked a business class ticket so I did the same so we could sit together. Well, it was a very full train but were able to sit together after Philadelphia. Business class is NOT worth it! It's just a designated coach car for people who want to pay more (oh, and you get free non-alcoholic drinks).

Got to College Park, saw the construction of their new addition (looks like it will be great), and then went to dinner at Franklin's Diner in Hyattsville. They have a general store with mostly tacky stuff but a great selection of hot sauce (but not Jim Beam) and beer (including Shakespeare Ale). The food wasn't bad either- interesting mix of Southern US, Asian, and Italian.

After dinner had fun watching Abby watch her Alphabet video. She's quite the little dancer!

Then took the Metro to Bethsda. The only station with a working escalator was Bethsda, the rest of them I had to walk up the long escalators with my heavy bag in the hot, humid stations. And the train was empty until Union Station; then it was packed. There was a very attractive guy sitting next to me though, so that made the ride pleasant.

Walked to Daniel's and hung out with him for a while. It was great catching up. I missed his sense of humour. He still has the same personality but is less arrogant. Naomi came over a little later and we all hung out until around midnight (Daniel was exhausted from his first week of OB/GYN rotation).

I slept in their storage room (which was pretty hot since it's on the 2nd floor, the window was blocked so I couldn't open it, and they don't have AC) on a mattress with no sheets or pillows. I was surprised I was able to sleep the entire night with only waking up once briefly- didn't even take that long to fall asleep.

Sunday morning was beautiful- not too humid, sun shining... I talked to Daniel and Naomi for a bit and then headed down to Foggy Bottom (the station near the Kennedy Center). I've been to that area 3 times now and still have never found anything other than GW buildings and a little mall with a few stores and restaurants. Is there anything else there? I really don't care for DC. I can never find my way around, it's not a very convenient city, and I've never had a good time there (except one time at Afterwards Cafe with Eytan and some of his friends). The only thing I like to do in DC is go to some of the Smithsonian.

"Company" was better than I expected! John Barrowman was fantastic as was Lynn Redgrave. There was an understudy for Matt Bogart (well, there wasn't a notice about it but I'm 99.999% positive it wasn't him). I didn't mind so much since his character didn't sing much, and I really only like him for his deep voice (and his looks), but I didn't like the understudy at all. I'm wondering if that had anything to do with Alice Ripley's weakish performance (having an understudy playing opposite her). She wasn't bad, but her comic timing was a little off (I actually liked the girl I saw in the production at Scottsdale better). Emily Skinner was hilarious as Jenny, the young square chick getting stoned. I remembered most of the songs from seeing it several years ago but didn't remember much of the book. It's a rather funny show- good lines about NYC. Definitely glad I went and wish there was a discount on tickets so I could have seen more of the Sondheim Celebration. Oh well.

Took the Metro to Union Station and took the train home last night. The "business class" car was practically empty so it was nice and quiet and I was able to finish the reading for Human Sexuality. The only problem was that at every stop (and there A LOT of them), they turned off the electricity until they started moving again. So, the lights went off for several minutes at each stop which was irritating while trying to read.

I woke up this morning singing "You Could Drive a Person Crazy" (which drives me crazy) from "Company".

I'm so pissed off at myself. In the hecticness of last Thursday, I think I threw away the review sheet for Math. Fortunately, I faxed it to Rebecca, but she's sailing right now. But her cell phone works out on the ocean and I called her earlier and she said she would read it to me later today. I read the book for a bit today and got more and more confused the more I read (surprise). Hopefully she can read me the sheet, I can call Rose's fiance, Gary (Rose is sailing with Rebecca and told her to tell me that Gary is very good at probability and would be happy to help me) and have him help me, memorise the answers, and hope the test is similar to the review sheet (he said it would be). I'm not worried yet but probably will be later on when I look at the sheet.

So until I hear back from Rebecca, I do a little studying for sexuality.

I decided to get a ticket for "Cabaret" for next Saturday since I got a nice promotion code. I'm sort of interested in seeing Jane Leeves and hopefully John Stamos won't be too terrible (I used to find him rather attractive many years ago but don't know anything about his acting/singing ability). But it's such a fun show, especially seeing it at Studio 54, and I actually got a swanky little couch seat so that really adds to the atmosphere. And fortunately the theatre's on 54th St. I don't have to go to the heart of Times Square on a summer Saturday night.

Random comment: Santana's "Evil Ways" and Steely Dan's "Do it Again" are extremely similar.

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