July

My apartment building is really filling up. There's always a wait for the elevator these days and it usually stops on 3-4 floors before getting to the lobby. That's new.

I ran out to get some water last night and remembered to take my last picture of the month. It probably won't even come out- I took it of the 919 3rd Ave sign (boring). At least I completed my June project.

For July, I'm going to stick to a diet and excercise routine. I already have most of it planned out.

I was reading someone's comment to my post about getting into Canada in a travel forum and he gave me an explanation that made sense. The free trade agreement is complicated and they're always checking US citizens going to work in Canada to see if it's a Canadian company hiring an American or a number of other things. Usually they require a letter from the employer or something like that. It also could have just been an obnoxious guy liking to hassle people since Canadians get criticised for their policies and he likes to get even. So I feel better now. If I ever go to Canada again, I'll just say I'm there for vacation even if I am there for business (how will they ever know?).

I've had Too Much Joy songs in my head ever since I listened to their album sometime last week.

I got to talk to Rose's fiance, Gary, about the math stuff and he really helped! I really think I understand it a little more now, or at least can figure out the problems on the review sheet and the test will be similar to that. Of course, I almost always feel confident about math stuff and take tests and feel good about them and then get them back and have a lousy grade. And I always think that maybe this time will be different but it never is. But maybe this time will be different ;)

We don't have human sexuality today since our instructor cancelled class so that gives me more time this morning. I like that. I'm going to get some breakfast in a little bit and go over the math stuff some more. Then I'll head up to school and ask someone in the class about the last problem which I don't know how to do (hopefully someone will be able to help me). Then after the test I'll drop off my latest roll of film.

I dropped off film and got a new battery for my camera. And today I started my July project- "Snapshots of New York". I took a picture of part of the Citicorp building.

Now I'm going to do some work for a few more minutes and then work out.

Tonight I need to study for sexuality.

I read each chapter of my sexuality book word for work, studied Sunday night, last night, and this morning, and I still didn't do well on the test. The questions are all:
A. answer 1
B. answer 2
C. answer 3
D. all of the above
E. A&C
I just don't do well with those. So at worst I got a 70% but maybe I'll get lucky and not get all the ones I questioned wrong.

Came home, worked out, and now I have a relaxing evening ahead of me. Now that all the travelling is done, I have much more free time. Work has slowed down (which isn't entirely good but right now I'm enjoying it) and without any papers to write for the semester, my evenings are very free. Maybe I'll read tonight.

I'm still congested and it's getting really irritating. Now my ears are clogged. I just took a shower and I feel like I just came home from a day in the swimming pool- ears clogged and the kind of tired feeling you get after you've been swimming. I could deal with it better if I had some iced mint tea (sounds like a nice summer drink you would have after spending the day swimming), but I don't feel like going back out and buying mint leaves. If I remember, I might try to get some tomorrow. Mint is good.

Last night I was playing my favourite trivia game and I got a question about what part of the shark is made into a soup and considered a delicacy in Hong Kong and I of course knew it was the fin after trying that gelatinous goopy mess when I was there last year. The taste was okay, but I did not enjoy eating something with the consistency of super glue (before it dries).

I need to find my "Company" CD. I've had the songs in my head since I saw the show last weekend and I only know about 25% of the lyrics. Hopefully it won't take too long to find and I can make it a musical night since I also want to listen to "1776" and get patriotic in my own way. Molassass to rum to slaves...

I skipped math today and decided to go to the food store and pick up a few things (including mint) instead. Then I said, "Hey, I'm only 10 blocks from the video store, I think I'll go pick up some movies for tonight and tomorrow." Well, by the time I got about half way there, I said, "Yeah, this was a good idea- walking in the hot, humid weather carrying groceries and school books and wearing one of my warmer summer outfits." Ten blocks isn't far, but it sure felt that way in this heat.

So I did get videos- "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" (didn't want anything heavy). In fact, my movie tastes have gotten a little ridiculous recently. I never liked watching a movie about someone with a terminal disease or a likeable character getting killed, but now not only can I not handle that, I don't like movies involving bombs, plane crashes, war, and most other action movies. But I don't want formula romantic comedies, westerns, or horror movies either. What am I left with? Good dramas which don't involve death, goofy or quirky comedies, and documentaries not about death or dying. Ugh, I hope I get out of this phase soon and go back to being able to watch almost anything.

I put some mint in my iced tea and... yum! Now I just wish I had a balcony and I could drink my tea while reading on the balcony. But then again, my street is so noisy, it might not be too relaxing to sit out on a balcony here. But I think I could deal with it for a little while. I've really been wanting to be outside the past few days. It would be nice if I could at least get up to the rooftop of my building. Maybe I'll look into that soon.

I was too hot and tired to work out immediately after I got home so I decided to drink my iced tea and do some work first. I'll work out soon.

If I don't get out of my little "neighbourhood" soon, I'll have to call my July photo project "Snapshots of Midtown East & the Upper East Side" and that just doesn't sound as nice as "Snapshots of New York". Today I took a picture of the Roosevelt Island Tram and the 59th St. Bridge. I plan on not leaving my apartment tomorrow so I'll have to settle for a picture out my window, but perhaps I'll take a walk on Friday and get a picture of something below 54th St. or above 69th St.

My right ear is still clogged today and it hurts when it pops.

Cingular has taken over Manhattan. There is now a retail store on my block, the next block up, and today there was a guy near the subway station carrying a Cingular bag and shoving fliers at people. I don't think this company will be around for much longer. Having 50 new retail stores with bright orange awnings isn't going to help.

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Okay, time to go find my "Company" CD.

Anyway, I'm glad I bothered to write this down now since I just read the last line of my earlier entry today- to look for the "Company" CD- which I haven't done and am off to do right now.

Happy 4th.

The only part of my dream from last night that I remember: I was watching some kind of fantasy basketball team get selected. I don't know who was selecting, but the real players were getting drafted for real teams. I saw Shaq in his Lakers uniform and asked him why he wasn't with his team, and he told me that wasn't his team anymore (he looked kind of sad). That's all I remember. Strange.

I'm having a very relaxing day. I woke up around 8:30 but managed to sleep on and off for a little while longer. I did go to the bank to make a deposit this morning, but that was the only productive thing I've done. I read a lot of news (obviously), took a short walk around my neighbourhood (so I have yet another snapshot of Midtown East), enjoyed some more mint iced tea, talked to both Paula AND Harvey (he's actually taking most of the day off), and did a search to see if there was anywhere in New York that sells snowballs (or sno-cones or shaved ice or Hawaiian ice or whatever else they can think of to call it)- sadly, I didn't find anything. There are a few good Italian ice places so maybe I'll give them a shot. And I also have read 2 things now about a new bar, Mod, on the Upper West Side. It's very white trashy in a 60's way, serving Tangtinis and Ovaltinis and for bar food they have bologna & cheese and fluffer-nutter sandwiches. Want to check that out at some point.

I'm feeling creative today. I hate when I feel creative since I haven't had a creative outlet since I stopped writing well. I can't write, I've never been able to do any kind of visual art, and I don't know what else I can create. I guess I've been taking a lot of photos for this reason, but I don't have a good enough camera to do anything really interesting. Maybe I'll finish finally updating the list of movies I saw last year and start on this year's list (even though I haven't seen too many this year)- not very creative, but it least it's a manageable project.

I haven't listened to Crass in ages but decided to include it in the new CDs I put in my player last night for some reason. The random fuction decided I should listen to it today. Not very patriotic (that's an understatement), but I'm enjoying it. It reminds me of my angry adolescent times. It almost makes me want to go down to the Lower East Side and find some kids to get high and drunk with at some dive bar. Almost.

My plan for tonight, besides watching movies, is to colour my hair. Tomorrow I plan to do a little clothes shopping (wish me luck).

I just saw a British Airways ad on CBS Sportsline which rotated the site a quarter turn and said something like "Get a new perspective on winning". What a clever ad!!! Finally, a web ad that wasn't completely irritating (although it's something you don't need to see more than once).

I managed to work out yesterday. That was nice. And it's a bit cooler out today, so I took a walk.

Last night I had "Buttercup" from "H.M.S. Pinafore" in my head, and this afternoon I had "No Way to Stop It" from "Sound of Music" in my head. Two odd ones considering I haven't heard or thought about either one in years.

So I finally watched "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone". First I watched a bit of the fireworks on TV (didn't really want to go down there in the crowds). I could sort of hear them from my apartment but couldn't see anything since there are so many buildings blocking (and I can't really see east anyway since the stupid windows can't open more than an inch or two). But anyway, the fireworks were nice. Then I watched the movie. Loved it! I wrote down a few random comments while watching:
- Just remembered- this movie is going to make me hungry.
- The girl who plays Hermione is perfect!
- In fact, all of the casting is perfect.
- Alan Rickman is a perfect Snape.
- I so want to visit a castle like Hogwarts! Visiting castles is fun but it would be much more magnificent to just wander around and get lost.
- Can't wait to see them all grow up- especially Hermione.
- The kid who plays Wood is adorable.
- And I so want to go to a quidditch match!
- This movie makes me think even more that Hogwarts is in Scotland.
- I hope the consistency of the good casting continues into #3- I want to see their version of Lupin (I had a crush on him when reading the book).

Today I went down to 23rd St. to do a little thrift store shopping. I found a nice blouse and a sweater tank top for $15. I'm getting irritating with clothes in general. I don't like anything at the chain stores (Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy...), and those places are all over the place. I need to try some of the stores in the Village or the LES. Maybe I can find an affordable place without attitude and actually has clothes that fit people bigger than size 2.

Figures, I'm finally in a different neighbourhood and was struggling to find something that would make a good "snapshot of New York". I finally took one of some buildings peeking through other buildings on 19th St. So far, all I have are buildings. Maybe I should call this "Snapshots of New York Architecture". Nah, I'll just have to start taking pictures of things other than buildings.

Still singing "Company" songs. After tonight though, I'll probably switch to "Cabaret" songs. Hopefully "Willkommen" won't get stuck in my head more than necessary (that one likes to stick around a while).

Today I need to clean the apartment and look at some math stuff.

Yesterday I was in a fairly bad mood which stemmed from my shopping experience (I really hate the fact that most clothes don't fit me), and I spent much of last night thinking all about clothes and relationships and life and death and the usual stuff. I'm getting sick of thinking about what life is all about. I used to do such a good job of living in the moment and not worrying about the future. I guess I'm getting too old to feel so free. Why though? Why can't all people of all ages live in the moment and not worry about what you should or shouldn't be doing to prepare for the future? Why can't we all just let things happen as they happen when they want to happen? That seems so much easier and more enjoyable. But anyway, like I said, I'm sick of thinking about this. I'm just going to try to be carefree today and enjoy the "life is beautiful" aspect of "Cabaret".

I didn't clean the apartment, but I can do that tomorrow. I should work for another hour before going to the show.

I feel so mellow today. Not a good mellow but not a bad mellow either (if there is such a thing). I just feel sort of blank.

I slept for a long time on and off last night (well, mostly this morning) and every time I woke up, I was singing "Another Hundred People" from "Company". I had all kinds of weird dreams but only remember parts of the last one now, involving Harvey, Neil, Paula, a forest, Paula's old students (makes sense since we were talking about them the other day), interesting looking bridges in the forest, a bus, a baby, and I was the one of the ones in charge of the kids through most of that last dream. I wish I could remember all the other dreams. So somehow "Another Hundred People" stuck with me the whole night. So much for getting "Cabaret" songs running through my head now instead of "Company".

So, I did not enjoy the show last night. None of the current cast has the talent for this show. John Stamos was pretty good physically but didn't have the charisma or voice to carry it off. Jane Leeves was rather dull. Everyone else was dull as well. I had the couch seat with no one next to me, but there was a huge man and a woman in a raised wheelchair so I had trouble seeing. At intermission, an usher asked me if I minded switching with a man who couldn't sit in the chairs. He was sitting in one of the front tables so the switch was fine with me. It was nice sitting so close so I could see the facial expressions (one of my favourite things to watch and hardly ever am able to do that since I have terrible eyesight and usually don't get a seat close enough). Unfortunately, everyone was so boring, that had no facial expressions. I did enjoy my chocolate martini though (it was especially good last night).

I've done a little cleaning today but need to finish that up. I ordered groceries and they should be here in about an hour. Once they arrive, I'll finish cleaning and then work out. And I might look at my math notes to see if I at least understand the notes Mr. I-don't-speak-English writes on the board (that class is such a waste). Other than that, I plan on having a relaxing day (what's left of it).

I told Tom I didn't have much time, but I would try to collect some signatures for the Marijuana Reform Party so they can get on the ballot this year. So I'm going to pick up some petition sheets tomorrow and start trying to collect signatures on Tuesday. I guess my best hope for it is at Hunter, but I'm not very good at this. If anyone reading this lives in New York and wants to sign the petition to get the Marijuana Reform Party on the ballot, let me know. I guess I can also try to get signatures in front of clubs or The Garden if someone like Phish is playing. I'll have to check out venue schedules.

Hey, and now they're here!

Speaking of school, I'm getting depressed about it again. What's the point of an undergraduate degree in theatre? What's the point of most undergraduate degrees? I think I'm going to try to contact some casting directors in August to see if anyone will do an informational interview. I really need to see if this casting thing will work in real life (not just in my head). And I'm not so thrilled with the state of theatre these days anyway. Hopefully my views will change soon. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to get some kind of government job. There is job security, good benefits, and most probably aren't too stressful. But the pay isn't so good- at least in the beginning. But what kind of job? I've looked through government job listings before and found nothing that sounded hopeful. Right now what really sounds nice is marrying into a wealthy family.

I really don't want to end the entry on that note, so I'll have to think of something positive to say... Give me a minute... Oh, Paula and Harvey are probably coming up here on Wednesday so hopefully we can do dinner that night. There, now I've ended on a positive note.

And another little positive note: While I may have to go back to classes tomorrow, at least I don't have any tests.

The Internet Theatre Database has made some nice changes. It has more features of the Internet Movie Database like voting and adding comments. I like the voting idea except it doesn't allow for each cast. I was going to vote on "Cabaret" but while I'd give last night's cast a 5, I'd give the cast with Raul Esparza and Gina Gershon an 8. I guess that's what the comments are for, but they take more effort.

I dreamed that I finally found Joel. I saw his and John's names written in some kind of program or something and realised one of them was getting married. I stuck around to find out which one it was. It was taking forever, I was beginning to see signs that it was Joel who was getting married, but I continued to stay positive. Then there were several other parts to the dream, and then I was back in the room where the wedding was announced. John was to be married! But I knew that Joel would be next and he might even possibly annouce his wedding that day. All of this was taking place in a large room with cubicles. I was trying to hide from both of them to see if I could find out what was going on without asking. Finally though, Joel saw me. He told me to stay in touch with John and get his number from John as well. Then he announced his wedding. I finally found him on his wedding announcement day. I'm not positive, but I think in my dream, a wedding announcement day is different from an engagement day in that it is A LOT closer to the actual wedding date, if not the wedding date itself. And what did I wake up singing this morning? Why, "Getting Married Today" from "Company", of course.

And a couple of hours after I woke up, I got an email from Brian telling me he and Rebecca set their wedding date for August 31, 2003. Interesting little coincidence.

I haven't listened to the Grateful Dead in probably 7 or so years. I really don't like most of their music. I think I just liked listening to "American Beauty" over and over on the road trip with Andi and I liked hanging out at some of the shows. That's it. But I thought I'd listen to this just to see if I enjoyed it at all. It's not bad but really not my thing.

I do still like "Jack Straw" though. I should make a disc of my favourite Dead songs and weed out all the stuff I don't really like. What would I put on it? "Jack Straw", "Attics of My Life", "Box of Rain", "Unbroken Chain", "Sugar Magnolia", "Brown Eyed Women", "Scarlet Begonias", "Lazy River Road", "Brokedown Palace", "Fire on the Mountain", "Mountains of the Moon", "China Doll", "Ship of Fools", "Ripple", and maybe a few others I can't remember off the top of my head.

Time to go finish getting ready to start my day.

Gotta get some more details (while trying to work at the same time) and then I'll work out, clean the apartment, go through the mail, and start studying for sexuality.

Tomorrow I will go to school early to scan the pictures and then at the end of the month, I'll update my photo page.

So now I'm tired and don't think I can really concentrate on the sexuality book. Think I'll just take some of the practice tests and worry about the reading tomorrow.

Another think I did tonight was get some packages ready to be mailed. So tomorrow I'll be making a stop at Mailboxes Etc. before heading to the computer lab for scanning.

I've been feeling so odd tonight. I wonder if it has anything to do with Harvey and Paula's news. I feel partly numb, partly meaningless, partly shaky, partly tense, and partly nervous. I don't know if it's because of their news or not. When I first heard the news, I was surprised. Then I just accepted everything as facts without feeling any emotion. Then I got the updated news and felt some emotion (not good emotion, maybe something like upset or disappointed but nothing too serious). The only reason I think that my mood may be because of that is because I often don't have much emotion during times that should be more emotional. I seem to feel my biggest emotions during mundane events. After September 11, I remember not knowing how to feel and worried that I often didn't feel anything. This could be like that. Then again, this could also not be that big a deal and I shouldn't feel strong emotion (but this is less likely). I don't know. I do know that I'll probably have trouble falling asleep tonight even though I am fairly tired. This is not a good night to spend tossing and turning for hour after hour. I have to get up super early and do some work before heading out for the day.

Oh, and good thing I cleaned up the apartment today. Paula and Harvey ARE coming here Wednesday after all and will be spending the night.

Okay, now I know I'm acting peculiar. I just sent Paula an email telling her I can do all kinds of things to move forward with the plans. I just volunteered my whole August (minus the time for jury duty). Never mind my own work (most of it I can do from anywhere so it's not really a problem), never mind all the things I was going to accomplish in August, never mind my little trip to Virginia idea... None of that matters. Although, I just realised, I was going to offer my services when I was on the phone with her earlier but kept forgetting. So that email wasn't a response to my strange mood, it was already an idea.

Oh, but I just remembered, Paula won't be in the office tomorrow. Guess I'll have to remember to tell her my ideas when I call her at home tomorrow morning (in between all the other things going on tomorrow). Wish these stupid summer classes were over.

Since I'm failing math anyway, I probably shouldn't waste any more of my time with that class. I sort of want to continue going since there's maybe a 2% chance of passing the class (if for some odd reason he curves), but it's such a waste of time since I probably will fail. It's only 2 more weeks, but this is a busy time (especially with the new news). I could spend my time in much better ways than studying for a class which I'll almost definitely have to take again in the Spring. Well, I'll at least go tomorrow so I can get the review sheet for the next test. I'll look at it tomorrow night and if it looks like there may be a chance of understanding it and doing well on that test, I'll continue with this class.

Volunteering my not-really free time was a good idea. I'll be working the Atlantic City show in the middle of August (only on the weekend, since during the week I might have to be here for jury duty), working in Baltimore the last week in July, and Labor Day weekend as well (and who knows? maybe I'll be of some use somewhere some other time in August).

I talked to Paula for a while this morning, so I'm going to skip the trip to Mailboxes Etc. this morning and hopefully do that tomorrow morning. I will still do some scanning this morning, but first I wanted to write this quick entry and finish up a little work.

Marvin Gaye isn't really morning music, but I needed something relaxing.

They've been doing work on 57th St. for over a week now. Like the traffic wasn't bad enough already.

The idea of being out of town for part of the summer sounds pretty good. My least favourite time in New York is definitely summer- the city is filled mostly with tourists (many residents are away), there's little theatre going on, and it can be really hot, hazy, and humid. Not that Baltimore won't be hot and humid and is filled with residents who are mostly ignorant idiots, but I can have snowballs, see some people, and get to drive (taking the time for some good rides, not just commuting in traffic).

After classes today, I'm going to read my sexuality book at Caffe Buon Gusto- get to have my second favourite gnocchi (first being Caffe Cielo) and get some studying done.

Donohue is back.

Two days ago flew by. When it was 6:00, it felt like 4:00, when it was 9:00, it felt like 6:00, when it was midnight, it felt like 7:00... I had a hard time getting myself to believe the clock and try to feel tired.

Part of the dream from two nights ago: I was in a large hotel somewhere near the ocean and there were a lot of people there I knew (it might have been for some kind of party or group trip or something- I think Allan Dale was there). I was about to go up the stairs from my floor to the lobby. When I started up the first few stairs, an elephant was coming down the stairs. I quickly went back down into the lounge area of my floor and these two little boys (seemed like they were from somewhere in Africa) were laughing. The elephant went away and I started to go back up the stairs. When I turned the corner half way up, at the top of the stairs was some guy pointing a shotgun toward me. I started to go back down when I heard a gunshot. I assumed he shot it at the empty staircase, when in fact he shot himself. That's all I remember now.

I had trouble waking up the next morning. I hit the snooze button for an hour. So much for mailing packages and scanning pictures. Guess those things will be done on Monday. No rush, fortunately.

Two days ago, I woke up singing "Another Hundred People", from "Company" and then had "Agony" from "Into the Woods", which is an annoying one to get in your head but much less so than the one I had in my head the other day ("Oo look too oot, oot ooples oond boonoonoos...").

My cable box has been displaying the wrong time for 2 or 3 days now. It's not a big deal, but it makes it slightly more effort to tape a show since I have to figure out what time I should put in when setting the show to record. I called them yesterday to find out what was going on, and their telephone system changed. It used to be easy and quick to talk to someone. Now they changed around the system and I spent 5 minutes on hold before the automated voice came on telling me that all customer service representatives were busy and my call would be answered in the order in which it was received, and then I was on hold for 20 minutes after that with no one telling me that my call would be answered eventually. They didn't even have music or anything. I assumed that I was still on hold since I wasn't disconnected, but it seemed hopeless. I eventually just hung up. I called this morning and had a person almost right away and told me to hold. I held for about 10 minutes and then she came back. That was better. She said the problem was being worked on but of course didn't know when it would be fixed. This has been a problem before but was always fixed within a few hours. This has been a few days.

George C. Wolf seems to be all over New York theatre this year.

Met my new neighbours while waiting for the elevator the other day. They're a couple from Quebec City who work for the Quebec City government.

I don't think Dunleavy will do that well with the Warriors. He's used to playing on an excellent, almost unbeatable team. Now he'll be playing on a team that never goes anywhere. I think without great teammates and without much positive thinking, his game won't be too hot. Or maybe I'm totally wrong. Maybe the idea of being such a great player will give him so much confidence that he'll shine like the big fish in the little pond. Oh who cares? Basketball (all sports, really) seems so meaningless right now.

But one more sports related thing: When did the media start covering more players getting arrested? Every other sports news story is about someone else getting arrested for robbery, drugs, shootings... I really don't like reading about that stuff. Are there so few interesting sports stories that they've gone to other exciting stories or is this really what the public wants- crimes mixed in with their sports?

I realised that when I go down to Baltimore at the end of this month, my "snapshots of New York" project for July will come to a premature end. Oh well, I'll call it "half a month of snapshots in New York, though mostly the Upper East Side" (a little long for a title, huh?).

A lot of things will change when I'm in Baltimore. My workout routine will definitely change- hopefully it won't come to a halt. My eating habits will have to change- definitely not as much variety in Baltimore- I'll probably live on smoothies, snowballs, and sushi... and other things beginning with "s" ;). I'll have to go to Paula and Harvey's to tape any TV shows I'm interested in- this won't occur too often. I won't have a comfortable way to update my journal- there will be short entries at the end of this month. I used to love change. I still do. In some ways, I'm excited to be in Baltimore for a bit. It's one of my least favourite places to be, but there are good things too- snowballs, family, friends, drives in the country, things are cheaper than here cheaper than here... I'll just have to try to get a snowball when things are looking bleak (at least there's something I can do about my mood, and it usually works).

So yesterday Paula and Harvey came up. I have such trouble going about my business when they're here- I just want to hang out with them. I did try to go to dinner at Otabe with them, but I got slightly ill early into the dinner and then got in my crazy violent mood for no reason and left without finishing. I went home and did a little work before they came back. Harvey was looking for a book on my bookshelf to read and found my Mensa trivia book, and we all sat around answering trivia questions (one of my favourite activities). Fun! Eventually, they went to sleep and I was able to study for my sexuality test.

This morning I had the weirdest music in my head- the house music for last season's Off Broadway show, "Eat the Runt". And this afternoon, I got Styx's "Blue Collar Man" in my head. I don't know why it always amazes me that certain songs come to mind from what seems like from out of nowhere.

The sexuality test was so much easier than the previous ones! There were fewer ambivelent choices and fewer "all of the above", "b & C", and "none of the above" choices. It was much more straightforward, and I think I did very well. Why couldn't the other tests be like that?

I got home as Paula and Harvey were about to leave for the airport (off to New Orleans and then Chicago). Talked to them for a few minutes and am now ready to do a little work and a few other things that need to get done (like buying a new phone and booking a car and hotel for the end of the month) and then I'm planning on having a relaxing evening!

Tomorrow I'm going to try clothes shopping again. I really hate most of my clothes and would like to find something I like, plus I need to find some summer business clothes (I only have 2-3 business outfits for summer and the same jacket goes with all of them).

It's a gorgeous day. I don't have anywhere else to go today, but I want to go out again anyway. Need to think of a reason. I guess I could go mail packages, but that's effort. I had an exhausting week and want to relax tonight. I need to find a fun or quick and effortless reason to go out. Umm... I know, I'll go take a walk by the river- that'll be my cardio workout for the day. Then I'll come home, do some toning, take care of things I need to get done, and then have my relaxing evening.

I took the bus back home (I was not walking back from 92nd St.) and was exhausted. Did some odds and ends that weren't super important but accidentally neglected the things I had in mind to do today (travel arrangements, purchase phone...). Oh well, I'll do those things tomorrow night.

Oh, and I forgot to mention before- I'll probably wind up in Maryland for Christmas this year (if Neil and Maxine will have me). Daniel and Naomi's wedding is on December 21, so I might as well just stay down there. If Jeff will be in Baltimore for New Years again, I might as well have a repeat of last year and stay through Abby's birthday.

And I also forgot to mention that I stayed after my sexuality class yesterday and scanned the last batch of pictures. So I'm all ready to update my photo page.

Now I'm just going to relax and see if there's anywhere else besides Barami that I want to try clothes shopping at tomorrow.

Just found the perfect water- Iceland Spring! Love it!

Oh, and since it's public knowledge, now I can write about it. Two of Harvey and Paula's employees got offered jobs elsewhere and both took them. So things are kind of in flux briefly. But not to worry, other plans are in the works (which I can't write about, obviously) and things should be even better in the long run. My favourite part of the news? There are now fewer people there that treat me horribly.

It's strange, if someone told me what was going on in their lives and they told me they 90% quit working for themselves and will go work at another company in another city briefly, I would think there were major changes going on in their lives and they must be having all kinds of thoughts and emotions about it. But I don't feel this way. I'm barely thinking about it, and when I do, it's just as facts, no emotion. I guess I'm usually like this (I think I mentioned something along these lines the other day), but it seems so strange to think about it that way. I feel like I should have some kind of reaction and adjustment period. Maybe I will once I'm down there. Or maybe when I start having to turn away research and consulting jobs a reaction will come.

And I don't know if I mentioned this the other day or not, but I appear to be having a minor identity crisis. Well, not exactly a crisis, but there is definitely some confusion as to what I like these days. The realisation came from when I was clothes shopping. When I didn't see much I liked, I started thinking about what I would like. I couldn't figure it out. I'm beginning to feel the corporate look is too average and I want to be more quirky than that. But not too quirkly, since I don't like the funky looks wandering around the East Village and other places of that nature. I don't like the hippy look (thank goodness). What the hell do I like? What would I be comfortable in and enjoy wearing? I don't know. Then I started thinking about trendy places. For the past few years, I got excited when I knew I was going to a trendy or sceney spot. Paula and I were talking about Hawaii yesterday and she said she thought I would enjoy this one area of the Big Island- lots of trendy spots. First I thought it sounded good, and then I changed my mind. Being in those places make me feel ugly and worthless. Being around all those successful (or if not actually successful, they at least pretend well) people is not good for my self esteem. I still like the actual places (restaurants, bars, etc.), but only if I can go with people I feel comfortable with and can ignore the people around me. Then I started about what kind of people I would want to include in my life (and leaving out the fact that they might not want to include me in theirs), and I had trouble coming up with "types". I finally concluded that I enjoy intellectuals the most. Where do they hang out? Can anyone give me a hint? Is this why so many people don't really know much about me? Because I seldom know enough about myself? No, that doesn't completely make sense, since I know a lot about myself. But it's all about my way of thinking, not really what I like, what I identify with, or what I think about certain things. Anyway, this paragraph has no conclusion since this topic has no conclusion in my mind. Maybe this topic will go away or be put in a compartment in my brain for a bit before resurfacing. Or maybe I'll figure things out soon. Who knows?

Okay, off to try to find clothing stores that might possibly have clothes that fit me.

I had a successful day of boring shopping. I got a suit jacket and short sleeved, light sweater from Daffy's and capri (they're regular length on me) casual-dress pants from Bolton's. I tried Levi's but had no luck (they don't have any jeans short enough for me). I skipped Barami- I'll go to the one on 73rd St. one day after class next week, and if I don't find anything there, I'll stop by the one near me on the way home.

Last night I posted on Craigslist, looking for buddies. So far I've had a few promising responses, including a guy who plays tennis (hopefully he doesn't mind beginners). And even though I highlighted that this was for platonic only friends, I've only heard from guys. Where are all the women?

And in other news, Eytan called me! We talked about our trips and caught up on each others lives. He's going to be moving to DC in the next week or two, so I'm hoping to visit him when I'm down there. He told me that Terry would be there the same weekend but said that shouldn't be a problem (since when?). I told him to ask him first, since I don't need that drama in my life. It would be fun though if it's not a problem. Even though things got weird, I still like Terry as a person (unless he's changed a great deal in the past 5 or so years). So, if we were all able to get together, it would be like old times (sort of). Those were some of my best days- hanging out with Eytan and Terry in Blacksburg.

My goals for the rest of the day: buy phone, book travel stuff, go through mail, watch a movie. wonder how many I'll actually accomplish?

Oh yeah, I had a dream last night that the Verizon truck in the middle of my street was gone and they finished whatever it is they're doing out there. No such luck. They're still there. What a bad location to be for such a long time (it's been a couple of weeks already).

So I did some of what I wanted to accomplish. I bought a phone and made travel arrangements. I did not go through the mail or watch a movie (but I did watch about a half an hour of stand-up).

What's with all the extra-loud motorcycles in the city all of a sudden? Like it wasn't loud enough already. Ugh. I have enough trouble falling asleep- this extra noise makes it twice as hard.

I paged Jon last night to see if he'll be able to play tennis with me when I'm in Baltimore. Well, he called me back at 9:00 this morning. I was still asleep and when I heard the phone ring, I thought it was my alarm clock and turned to the nightstand with my alarm clock. When I realised it was the phone, I had to turn the other way to answer it. It was a little bit confusing- guess I was in a semi-deep sleep. I'm glad he called though since I have plenty to do today and wanted to get a somewhat early start. He called me from DC where he was doing some kind of secret angent tour with his father-in-law (no one else wanted go with him and Jon was the only one who agreed to get up that early- 6:30). Anyway, I don't know why he called if he couldn't really talk then. He said he would call back tomorrow.

So I dealt with all the mail, checked email, and got a ticket for "The Boys from Syracuse"- August 22 with the after-party. I like being a HIPTIX member.

I received a great offer for Nextel phone and cellular service (and get 5,000 US Air miles in the process). I can get the i2000 plus (the one you can use internationally) for $24.00 plus the standard amount of minutes for the standard amount of money. I just don't want to sign up for it if the service is crappy in areas I usually use the phone (especially in my apartment). I think I'll go find a retail location to see if there is some way to test it before signing up for a year. I have to do that before I leave for Baltimore though, since the offer expires at the end of the month.

Tonight I plan on reading some of my sexuality book and updating my photo page.

Of course they don't mention anything about having two websites in their "help" section so I sent them an email. While $4.95/month isn't a lot of money to be able to have 50 MB of storage, I'd rather see if I can just create another free site and link the two together. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon (they usually take at least 4-5 days).

Oh, and I called RCN earlier to see if they knew what was going on with the cable problem (my clock is now an hour and 40 minutes fast and the program guide still doesn't work), and the woman told me that they have to wait for some software to come in and it should be fixed sometime next week. Next week?!?!?! It takes over 2 weeks to fix this problem?

Happy Bastille Day.

Last night's dream: I was in some kind of big house and lots of people were there. I didn't know all of them (in real life) but Paula and Alix Dale were there (she appears in my dreams quite often). It was a big party and all kinds of strange people were there- a bunch of men sitting around drinking and playing poker or something, kids trying to act like adults and asking me to show them how to do stuff (I think some of them were my old campers)... At some point I was trying to do something (don't remember what), and Paula said something like, "You know this house, you know where you need to go." So I opened a secret door (it didn't look secret to me- I guess I was one of the few that could see it) and went upstairs to find what I needed to find. David Spade and some other people who were on Saturday Night Live (probably Adam Sandler) were there but in disguise- I was one of the few who recognised them, but that was only because they were doing an old routine I was familiar with. Then there was something about trying to pack up and move on to where we were supposed to go next. I piled in a car and some woman I didn't know was driving. I didn't want to be in that car. I think I wanted to be in a car with one of the men who were sitting around drinking earlier or I wanted to be driving one of the cars myself. Well, we headed out and the woman was talking about how glad she was that she got to drive. But she couldn't drive! She was usually on the wrong side of the road. First I got scared. Then I thought we were in the UK or something. But when the traffic picked up and everyone was on the other side of the road, I got scared that this woman didn't know what she was doing and we were going to get in trouble. She figured out that she needed to get back on the other side of the road but was too timid to move over quickly. She sort of strattled the lanes for a bit while we all tried to get her to move over completely. That's all I remember. I really wish I could remember more of the beginning- it was a fun dream.

I'm pretty much finished up all my work. There are a few odds and ends, but basically I'm done working for myself. I'm okay financially for a while (especially working for Paula and Harvey for a month or so), but I will have to figure out a new budget for myself. The main problem I anticipate (and it's a bit ridiculous) is telling people what I do when asked. This is the #1 question of people you meet, and I'm not looking forward to telling people I'm just a student (and undergraduate one at that). If it's people I know I won't see again, I don't care as much (especially since I can tell them I'm 21 or something since I do still look young- although the ever-present wrinkles around my eyes might give me away). And I guess people I meet that I'll know for a while, I can go into more detail when asked what I do. I can tell them I just started going back to school full time but previously had worked for myself in some form or another for 5+ years. That sounds much better. An undergraduate theatre student at my age sounds so ridiculous. It's too bad I can't plan when jobs will be available. Otherwise, I could continue working during the slow times with school (if there is such a thing). Actually though, I may be able to do more odd jobs for Paula and Harvey from here. And those usually don't have strict schedules so I'll have more flexibility. And I could go down to Baltimore, if needed, on a Friday night and come back Monday night if I don't have a lot to do for school over a weekend- although that doesn't sound like it would happen more than once or twice a year (if that). Maybe once I see how the Fall semester looks, I can figure out if some kind of temp work or super part time work (like 10 hours a week) might work out. It'll feel weird working in an office (have to work on my office attire) and being on a stricter schedule and I certainly won't make a lot, but that would probably be better than nothing. Okay, I'm tired of thinking about this for now.

I was thinking about Baltimore last night, and if I can manage to see everyone I want to see, I'll have very little alone time. But then again, I type extremely quickly so that part of the work shouldn't be as bad as other people might find it and if the phones are quiet, I can probably take my alone time during the day as a break from the office. I could take a walk around Towson, drive over to Cockeysville or out Joppa Rd. and bring a book and have a snowball from one the good places, go for a drive out Dulaney Valley Rd. and listen to music and sing and stuff, see if David (Rebecca's father) can meet me during that free time since his schedule is more flexible than everyone else's, and if I have a lot of free time (which probably won't happen) I could go see a movie (not that there are any summer movies that I want to see). I'd rather have my alone time in the evening when I can sit at the hotel and read a book or watch a movie on their in-room movie system or something, but the way the work works and with the few people I want to try and see while I'm there, evenings probably won't be quiet.

I really need to stop looking at the cable box for the time. It's the biggest clock in the living room, so I'm used to looking at it. But I just looked at it and it says 3:00 and that scared me! It couldn't be that late already. No, it's not. It's 1:10 (I did some other things in between writing this entry). That's much better. More time on a Sunday is always a good thing! Although Sundays without football or Six Feet Under aren't as great as with those two things (and those two things will never happen at the same time since football ends in January and Six Feet Under doesn't start until March (and ends in June).

I think I'll go read my sexuality book somewhere other than my apartment. I can't concentrate for long periods of time on school work at home (something I should work on but not today). Where should I go read? Don't know yet. And then when I get home from that, I'll clean up the apartment- it's not bad but I want to straighten while I have time before it gets worse). Not having any work really adds to my amount of time!! I feel so relaxed!!

I think I have other new neighbours besides the French-Canadian couple. There are kids running around the hallway screaming a lot! It's not the ones who lived here before- they moved out. So either the couple I met a few days ago have 3 young children they leave with a nanny (I see them go out by themselves and have never seen them with kids) or another family moved to the apartment next to them. These kids are even louder than the British kids who lived here before. And I don't know what goes on in the apartment above me. About a month ago, I heard noise from up there and then it stopped for a while. The past few days, I've heard more noise from up there. Maybe it's a part time resident. Fine with me- there will be noise less often. This building is still filling up. I saw people moving in twice last week.

Ah, it is the apartment next to me with the kids. They're screaming right now.

And now they're all leaving as a family. A husband, wife, 3 children, and a baby. I'm not sure what language they're speaking, but I think it's Spanish. The 3 kids were singing (screaming) some song while waiting for the elevator. They pushed the button, and when the elevator arrived, the whole family wasn't ready so they had to push it again. Like there aren't enough elevator problems in this building. At least it's a Sunday so there aren't as many people going in and out and no one is moving in.

Oh, and I've had a delayed reaction, I now have "Cabaret" songs in my head- especially "Tomorrow Belongs to Me", "Mein Herr", "Don't Tell Mama", "Money", and "Married.

My last dream of the night (morning) was a vivid dream about Joel. I was with some people and we were meeting up with some other people in some wide open area. Joel was one of the people we were meeting up with, and he came out of the section of the building they were in with a gorgeous Asian woman. I told the friend I was with who he was and she sympathised with me. A few minutes later, we were trying to organise ourselves into groups so we could see how many cars we needed. We were wandering around the open area- some of the area were parking lots. Joel and I separated from the group and eventually lost them. We wound up in his car (an tan Oldsmobile from the 70's- like the one Neil used to have). He had yellow balloon-like things (sort of like the bags newspapers are carried in) hanging from all over his steering wheel. When I asked him what they were, he said they would release oxygen when needed. Then we started driving around, trying to find the others. I was secretly hoping we wouldn't find them. Well, after a while, we gave up. We sat on some steps getting to know each other. He told me he was 26 (that should have clued me in to the fact that it was a dream) and he said he knew I was in the 29 range and a dancer (I corrected him and said I used to be a dancer). We talked a little more about school and my family and then my alarm went off. I was so upset- I DID NOT want to wake up!!! But I did and I got the song "She's Gone" (the cut song from "Side Show") in my head, except I sang it "He's gone". Then I sort of started crying a little. Ugh- not what I needed to start my morning.

It's really odd that I still remember him so vividly. Usually if I'm interested in someone who is in my life in one way or another and then stops being in my life, I emotionally forget about them (out of sight, out of mind, I guess). Now, I certainly don't think about Joel all the time, but I do think about him much more than I should. Maybe I still think about him so much because there was no closure (at least on my end- his end, there was probably no closure to be needed since he didn't really know who I was). But I'll have to get over it since it is almost impossible to run into him again. But it's that word "almost" that hasn't made me completely give up. I keep thinking that if I wind up down near his office one day, he'll be walking near there at the same time and recognise me. See, I would have no hope at all if I didn't even know where he worked. But I do know where he works. I just don't know what to do about it. There would be no reason to call him. And if I did somehow manage to run into him near his office (like I think my life's a movie or something), what would we say beyond "hello"? And what if he really is gay? Or if he's not gay, he's in a committed relationship? See, I really just need to get over him. And 95% of the time I am. It's just when I have dreams like this that I have problems.

Okay, I really need to stop thinking about him (for now) and move on with my day.

Question of the day: Where is the clothing you usually find at Goodwill originally sold? They have the most consistently ugly selection of clothes. Who buys that stuff for full price originally? I don't think I've ever seen clothes like that in regular retail stores.

Random comment of the day: I think I'm developing Phobophobia (fear of phobias).

Then when I got home, I had my elevator problem- both elevators on high floors. Of course Mr. Murphy lives in my building (that man sure gets around) and usually the elevator on the higher floor is the one that descends to the lobby. This time there wasn't much difference though- one was on the 29th floor and the other on Penthouse 2 (the highest floor). Well, the one of the 29th floor started descending and I got excited (hey, a few floors make a difference... sort of... not really, but whatever). Then it stopped on the 9th floor. After another minute, the elevator on P2 began to descend. It descended to the basement (of course) before coming back up. By this time another woman was waiting for the elevator as well. And of course, whenever I'm waiting for the elevator in the lobby, the elevators are on one of the top floors, but when I'm getting in the elevator with other people, they all live below me (Thank you, Mr. Murphy). This woman lived on the 4th floor. Uh, there are stairs, you know. Last night I was in the elevator with a few people. One was an elderly woman with 2 poodles. She pushed the wrong floor by accident, so not only did she take an excruciatingly slow time getting out of the elevator, I got to stop at an extra floor on the way to my apartment. Oh well, it's better than when the kids push all the buttons. If the family on my floor is ever waiting for the elevator when I am, I think I'll wait for another elevator (those kids are definitely the type to push all the buttons). Oh, I did see the father with the baby (she looks like she's around 2 years old) this morning. They were waiting by the elevator but the rest of the family wasn't ready by the time it came, so I went on by myself. I really don't think that anyone in that family should go stand by the elevator with the button pushed until everyone is ready. It's obnoxious to tie up an elevator, especially in this increasingly growing building.

Okay, I guess that's enough ranting for the day.

Oh, and I emailed David earlier with my Baltimore dates, and he just replied, saying that his time is almost completely flexible, so I guess that's two planned activities. Now I'm actually looking forward to being there!

And snowballs!!!

I was just checking the City Paper for theatre (and other things) going on while I'm in Baltimore, and I got reminded that the Kennedy Center (I love that they have more listings for DC events in the BALTIMORE City Paper than in Baltimore) will still have the Sondheim Celebration going on. Maybe if I go visit Eytan the second weekend I'm there, I can go to the Kennedy Center to see if they have same day student tickets available for those shows (of course I'll call first to see if they even do that for the Sondheim shows). I doubt there will be anything available, but it's worth a shot.

I wrote this at 9:15 AM when I woke up:
Last night's dream(nightmare): It started off fine. I was in Phoenix for New Years getting stoned with Brie and some of her loser friends. Then it was around midnight and we all got nervous as to what was going to happen. Then I was in DC with Rebecca, Kristin, and Christina. We heard the rumbling and got under the table, hoping it was just a helicopter. I looked out the window and saw the fire coming toward us. We had been bombed. We started running away from the fire. We ran over houses and through non-existent pathways and then wound up where we thought we were safe. It was Rebecca's house in Boston except I think we were still in DC. I called Paula to tell her I was okay. Then the fire caught up with us. So, this was a cross between a fire from a bomb and a forest fire and it was moving extremely rapidly. We kept running, me in the lead. I lost track of everyone at some point when I tried to dodge the fire which was close at my heels. I went in some house and was going to go through it and out the other side. I did and people were running toward me. That made me nervous. I kept running toward them telling them the fire was behind me. They turned around and went the way I was going. In a few minutes, I realised why they weren't running that way to begin with. In front of me was a cliff overlooking a harbour. So we had a choice- either jump in the water and hope it wasn't too far down or too freezing (it was still New Years) or go back in the direction of the fire hoping it was put out by now. That's when my alarm went off. I was scared and out of breath. I turned off my alarm and stayed in bed, trying to relax. I fell back to sleep by accident and dreamed that I was with Paula and Neil now, still dealing with the aftermath and the possibility of another explosion. We were watching TV, waiting for news updates and alerts. For some reason, I turned on the VCR and was rewinding some show I had taped. I started watching the tape and realised there was a connection between the explosions since I saw the exact time the breaking news had come on during the program I had taped. I was trying to explain my theory to Paula but Neil was nervous and wanted to go somewhere more safe. I realised 2 times does not really make a pattern so we really couldn't predict where and when they would strike next. Then I woke up and got mad at myself that not only did I oversleep, I had another nightmare. And what time did I wake up when I woke up on my own the second time? I set the clock by my bed ahead by some random amount of minutes so I didn't really notice the exact time until I went in the living room. Both clocks (the VCR and the cable box) said 9:11. I still get a creepy feeling when I see a digital clock at that time, but after the dream, the feeling was magnified. Plus, it was a little creepy that the cable box had the same time as the VCR since it's been off by ridiculous amounts the past 2 weeks (guess they finally got that software in and fixed the problem). Plus, usually my VCR is a few minutes slow (and would continue to get even more off if I didn't fix it every few weeks), so it was especially odd to see the two clocks displaying the exact same time.

So now I'm awake and just glad I didn't oversleep too much. Not having work makes things much easier in the mornings, but I still have a few little things to do before class. But I couldn't do anything until I wrote down this dream- I feel slightly better now that I did. I'll upload all this later when I get home.

And now I have "Poor Baby" from "Company" in my head and the taste of caramel sauce in my mouth.

I've been sneezing a lot today. I wonder if I'm allergic to something I'm wearing. Can't think of anything I'm wearing today though that I haven't worn before and didn't sneeze a lot. Maybe I have just normal allergies, except that I've been sneezing indoors and outdoors and I'm not around anything that I'm not usually around. I know it's not a cold or flu. Oh well, maybe it will stop by tomorrow.

I've been in a bad mood for a few days now. Not constantly, but probably about 75% of the time. I'm just not happy with things right now. My life is in flux a bit, but I don't think that's what is causing my mood (or maybe it is and I just can't see the connection). What I think is wrong is that I'm not enjoying things I usually do and I don't see hope for the future. I know rationally that there is always hope and nothing is forever, but since I can't see the end of this phase, rational thinking isn't helping. If I knew of the date when things would start to turn around for the better, I think I'd be happier. But that's not the way it works. So I'll just have to wallow in my misery for now and hope that a change of scenery (Baltimore) will help. Unfortunately, that's not the kind of change that usually makes me feel better. I am rarely in a good mood in Baltimore. There are always enough things that bother me to keep me in a bad mood. But I can't even think that far ahead. I can only think about each hour right now, or at least each half of a day or something. I can't even think beyond that. So tonight I am unhappy. Unhappy that I don't have anyone special in my life, unhappy that I don't have many friends and the ones I do have I don't particularly like all that much, unhappy that I don't currently like the direction of my future (hopefully that will change soon and get back on track), unhappy that I can't seem to make myself do anything these days (bad things or good things)...

Time to go force myself to study for Thursday's test.

Today I want to be in Japan. I was checking some baseball highlights tonight and wound up checking the stats on some of the players from Japan. How fun it would be to watch a baseball game in Japan. And tour the country and the the landscape, architecture, and people, and have good food, and enjoy a tea ceremony, and see what the culture is like for Japanese who live in Japan rather than Japanese-Americans. Yep, Japan is in my top 5 countries I want to visit- along with Switzerland, Germany (which I can combine with Switzerland, so I'm going to count those two as one), Chile (with an excursion to Antartica), Iceland, Scandinavia (hey, I lumped Germany and Switzerland together), and Senegal (and Gambia). Ah, one day...

About sleep tonight:
Last night I had a nightmare. Two nights ago I had one of the best dreams I've ever had (not the actual events, but the feelings that were involved). I don't know which was worse, the nightmare (which was scary) or the fantasy (which reminded me, when I woke up, how I don't have anyone like that in my life and haven't for a VERY long time). So between those two, I'm scared and excited to go to sleep tonight. Although now I probably won't remember my dreams from tonight/tomorrow morning at all.

I was right- I did not remember my dreams last night.

Had "Being Alive" from "Company" in my head most of the day yesterday and woke up singing the same thing this morning. Makes me feel like it wasn't a new day and I didn't really sleep. I was quite tired this morning when I woke up and didn't really wake up until a few minutes into class.

There is construction outside my building- it's a constant loud thumping/banging. I wonder how long it will be going on? At least if it will be a while, I'll be gone a week from today.

Irritating things of the day:
- Fliers- On the last 4 blocks of my walk home, there were 8 people aggressively handing out various ones. Lexington Ave. seems to be the worst place for flier people. By the last few, I actually pushed their hands out of my face.
- More about those blocks- It's such a narrow sidewalk around the construction for the new building across from Bloomies. so that's REALLY not a good place for flier people. But that's where they all congregate. And the SE corner of 59th & Lex is super crowded because of the construction, flier people, and newsstand. So when someone with a baby carriage (or even just a one person without any baggage of anything) decides that's the place they're going to stop and do something, that's a BAD IDEA.
- Elevators again- Today elevator #1 was at the lobby with the door closed (it's usually open and you can just walk right in), elevator #2 was on the 18th floor. When I pressed the button, elevator #1 started going up without me, and #2 came down to get me.

Oh, and this was an irritating thing from the other day. I needed to change the dates of my travel to Baltimore so I first went to Avis' website. No problem. Then I went to Embassy Suites' website and they wouldn't let me change my reservation, I had to do it over the phone. So I called the 800 number they listed and the woman was having problems since I made the reservation online. She put me on hold on a few times and the last time she did that, I got transfered to customer service for the website. That woman couldn't help me either, told me I needed to change the reservation myself on the website since that's how I made the reservation. I told her it told me that I had to call to change the reservation, and she told me to call the hotel I would be staying at directly. So I did. The woman who answered the phone transfered me to the 800 number. I told that woman what happened and she said it was because the reservations desk at the hotel was closed for the day and to call back the next day.

Well, I forgot to call back yesterday, but I did call today and got the reservation changed. Don't know why they have to make it so difficult.

I came across a site for a bar in Seattle (Tini Bigs). They have descriptions of all their martinis, and I loved the description of the Dot-Com Martini: Out of Stock.

I was also reading about a new product- Luggage Locator. It has a flashing light and a loud chirping sound so you can know which suitcase is yours as they all go around the carosel. Well, I was thinking about what would happen if everyone got one of these. Not only would it be REALLY OBNOXIOUS, with all the chirping going on, it wouldn't work since everyone's would sound the same and you still couldn't figure out which is your bag. So then I thought maybe they would start having ones with distinctive sounds, like mobile phones have now. Can you picture the luggage carosel? Hundreds of people standing there with the little remotes in hand as the bags come out playing all kinds of tunes, each clashing with each other. Ugh. I hope that never happens. Dealing with airports is obnoxious enough.

I seem to be ranting a lot these days.

Okay, time to go memorise which medications you take with each STD and what the percentage is for child prostitutes...

I woke up several times during the night and remembered parts of the current dream. As I went back to sleep, I tried to continue each dream, but I think always had a different one anway. Of course I don't remember much now, but I do remember one of them:

I was performing in some kind of concert. Harvey was the master of ceremonies, George was in the concert, and so were some other people I don't remember (maybe I didn't even know them in the dream). I remember thinking it was strange that George was there and acting like nothing had changed. Anyway, things were not going well, but no one seemed to care. I went out to get something out of my car (my old Saturn- I miss that Saturn) and discovered someone had tried to park their Porsche underneath my car. Both cars were squashed. I was talking to George about it and then we started talking about his day trip to Belize (or somewhere like that) he was taking with his family the next day. After taking a second look at the cars, I realised it was another Saturn that was parked under mine. I was trying to figure out what to do about it- Paula was trying to help me. First we were in Baltimore, so I stayed at their house that night even though I had to get back to wherever I was living for some kind of final for school (I think it was a class with my old English instructor at Scottsdale). I told myself I was lucky since she was a rational woman who would probably understand my situation and work with me on this problem. Then it turned out I was really in Christiansburg. That made it worse since the next day was Sunday and no mechanic would be open (would they be open in Baltimore?). When I went to look a third time, the Saturn parked underneath me was gone. I got in my car and there was glass everywhere- most of the windows got smashed. Then I was back at Paula and Harvey's house going back and forth between rooms, trying to find a clean bathroom without waking them up. That's all I remember now.

I got to school early and sat with a few people going over the questions for the test. That was kind of fun. There was one guy in the group who I've been sitting next to for most of the semester but never talked to. Nice guy. He spoke English and talked about things other than what most people I've listened to at Hunter talk about (mostly stuff I just can't relate to). He has some kind of job at some kind of securities company and just started going back to school (didn't get to ask him why). He's definitely not the typical Hunter student. Oh, and I think I got about a 90% on the test. Not that it matters. I'll get a B no matter what I get on this last test. And a B is just fine.

Now I'm waiting to hear from this guy, Dylan, with whom I've been in contact since he responded to my post on Craigslist. We're getting together tonight, just don't know what we're doing yet. I'd like to go check out Pan, Chris' band, down at Arlene's Grocery, but I don't know if he'll be up to that. If not, that's okay.

New developments with Harvey and Paula's business. I told her I'd give it some thought today.

Oh, and as I was walking home today, I noticed the Verizon truck thing was gone!! But... I just looked out my window to see why the tremendous honking nonsense was going on, and I saw the cones and the truck thing was back. Oh well.

Just heard back from Meital. Might be meeting for drinks or something before I leave on Wednesday.

I can't believe I'll be in Baltimore in 5 days!

And I forgot to mention this earlier- this morning on my way to school, I saw 2 men getting led into the police station in handcuffs. Not something you see everyday (besides on TV).

The problem is, I'm sick of doing things alone. Not only am I sick of it, I really don't enjoy it when I try. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to watch a movie at home by myself anymore. Or eat by myself anymore (which is definitely presenting a problem, since you do need food to survive). I know this is just a phase (and hopefully a quick one), but right now it's really bothering me. Fortunately (or unfortuntely- don't know yet which), I'll be in Baltimore soon. That won't change anything, but I will be in different surroundings which might snap the phase. Who knows? I'll find out soon though. Until then, I'll just have to force myself to eat. I'm assuming if I get hungry enough, I'll eat. Last night I tried to eat but only had a few bites. Today all I had was a corn tortilla with cheese (yes Neil- if you're reading this- cheese, maybe even from Wisconsin) and a granola bar. Not good.

Well, today is promisingly better.

Meital emailed me about having free tickets to "Harlem Song" this weekend. We planned for Saturday at 5:00. Then Marcell called me to make plans. We arranged for Sunday at 3:00. Then I responded to a girl's post on Craigslist for some reason (guess I haven't given up hope completely yet) and she replied, wanting to get together this weekend before I leave town. I told her tonight or Sunday evening would be good. Well, then Meital emailed me again about forgetting plans she made for Saturday and asked if I could do Sunday at 3:00 instead. I said okay, hoping Marcell could do a different time. I called her and left a message. It's not like we had a specific activity planned for that time only, we're only going to have tea. I'm sure it will be fine. So Meital and I will go see "Harlem Song"- something I've been wanting to see but figured I'd never get around to it. And hey, it's free. I'm still waiting to her back from Craigslist girl (don't know her name).

I'm still not hungry but forced myself to order lunch. I ordered gnocchi (with peas and mushrooms) and strawberries.

Besides all the emailing going on today, I cleaned up the apartment a bit and made a deposit at the bank (I had a few checks I'd been meaning to deposit).

Oh, and Dylan ruined my "snapshots of New York" plan for July. I mean, not directly, but I was planning on taking my picture yesterday on my way to (or from) meeting up with him. But since he never called me, I forgot to take a picture of something else. That's fine. I have enough pictures of my neighbourhood anyway and I didn't want to go anywhere else just to take a picture and plus I'll be in Baltimore for the end of the month, so my plan for one each day of the month wouldn't have worked anyway. So I have 17 pictures for my "snapshots of New York in July" thing. That's enough. They're not going to be that interesting though. Maybe I'll have to do some other kind of photo project when I get back home.

It's so weird not having any work or school-work to do. If I don't get together with Craigslist girl tonight, I'll not only have the rest of this afternoon free, but this evening free as well. Maybe I'll watch a movie. I know I always say that and never watch, but I can keep attempting it and maybe one day it will happen.

A gorgeous storm is brewing outside! The sky is yellow/black with occasional flashes of lightning, the clouds are rolling swiftly by, and the thunder is deep and rumbling. Lovely! I really do love summer storms.

I think Katherine Ashenburg, who wrote the Toronto article must have been following me around or something. She listed 2 of the restaurants I went to (one obvious- Bistro 990, one not so obvious- By the Way Cafe) and the hotel I worked at (Four Seasons). She should have listed the Hyatt over the Four Seasons though, it was much nicer. In fact, if I had the time, I would write an Epinion comparing the two. I haven't written an Epinion since September 6th or something. It was on the stupid Hunt Valley Marriott. Even if I wasn't so busy, I think I'd be more willing to write more Epinions if they updated their database more often- especially their theatre listings, they are SO OUT OF DATE!

I went to the deli a little ago to get some cereal (I know I shouldn't eat it, but I just don't care today) and saw 2 girls and a guy walking down the street. They looked like nicely dressed tourists. I was right. This is one of the comments I heard one of the girls say: "Well, if we can't find Jekyll & Hyde, we can eat at the outdoor place- that's what people do here." I had to laugh. That's what WE do? You've never seen a restaurant with outdoor seating anywhere else? I was going to give them directions to Jekyll & Hyde but decided to just keep walking (don't know why).

I could NOT sleep last night. I got in bed at 2:00, and after about an hour and a half of tossing around, I got up and read some random stuff online. Then I got back in bed around 4:00 and have no idea when I finally fell asleep (maybe around 6:00). I was getting so frustrated at one point, I actually tried sitting up and kneeling to see if I could fall asleep that way. I could not. I woke up this morning around 11:00.

Still haven't heard from Craigslist girl, but I did finally hear from Dylan. His explanation as to why he never called? "I flaked". Lovely. He asked if I wanted to get together on Monday so I'll probably say yes, but I'm not holding my breath.

Today I need to organise everything I'm taking with me to Baltimore and try to see how I can fit it all in my suitcase and little shoulder-briefcase thing. I'm supposed to bring a few things of Paula's that she's left here in the past too. If I have to, I can bring a little tote bag, but that's getting complicated since I won't have any free hands. I guess I could go rent the car, drive it back here, leave it illegally parked outside my apartment, go get my stuff, and then head out and do the same thing on the way home, but that doesn't sound very comfortable either. I'll probably wind up doing the tote bag thing and just awkwardly stumble to catch a cab to Avis, going and coming.

I also need to go through my mail today and clean up the apartment.

Okay, time to start organising.

I just heard back from Craigslist girl- her name's Mal, a Cherokee nickname. She suggested doing something with her and her boyfriend tonight, so if I actually hear back from her, I should actually have plans tonight. That would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath. I mean, look how long it took her to get back to me this time...

I just remembered a little bit of my dream last night. I was in Phoenix (I think) and was trying to go to a show with some guy (I think it was someone I know). I don't know what we were going to see or how, but he was depending on me for all the information (I think). We were wandering all over the place. Or something like that. Wish I could remember more- I think it was pretty fun.

Just turned on Comedy Central (my favourite channel these days) and Brian Regan is the stand-up comedian of the half-hour. Funny guy. His bit on the eye exam... funny stuff! Which is clearer, number one or number two? Um..., can I see number one again? Number one or number two? Um... My favourite line:
Eye doctor: Did you know you have one eye set higher than the other eye?
Brian: No, I didn't.
Eye Doctor: It's no big deal. It doens't effect your vision or anything. I just thought you might want to be subconscious for the rest of your life.
It's so nice to laugh again.

I did not hold my breath, I did not get my hopes up, I did not do any of those other things I shouldn't have done. But I'm still pissed that flakey, bimbo, Mal did not call me. Now, I'm sure she's not flakey or a bimbo, I'm just pissed. People are so unreliable. Why do I even still bother?

So now what am I doing tonight? Probably nothing. I'd love to watch a movie, but I can't seem to get into movies these days. I try but just don't want to watch anything, just not interested (last night was a fluke). So I'll probably sit here and do nothing. I hate this.

Well, I didn't do nothing. I played guitar. I played Tull songs all night with a break to talk to Rebecca and IM Josh about why people suck, among other things.

Then I had thoughts of Tull, Andy, Terry, my Christiansburg apartment, and I felt emotions for people and things I haven't felt since then and felt a longing for those days- very strange to be feeling like that now.

Either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning before I leave, I'm going to look through all my CDs for all my Tull to take with me to Baltimore. I don't know if I'll be in the mood for it then, but at least I can have it just in case.

And out of all the songs I played tonight (last night, technically), I had "Broadford Bazaar" in my head the rest of the night.

After an hour of trying to fall asleep, I got up and watched the last few minutes of Robin Williams at the Broadway Theatre thing. Not bad. He can be really funny. A bit over the top though.

Then I watched more Comedy Central. Some cute girl named Amy did some stand up- very, very cute! Looks like a girl I knew at Scottsdale- Kellen. She was in my French class and a very attractive girl!

And Tom Papa kind of looks like Michael Hall.

I'm guessing I'm not going to sleep tonight. A little frustrating, but oh well. Maybe I'll have some caffeine when I meet Marcell later and that will wake me up a bit.

But what am I going to do until an hour or so before I need to leave (I should leave around 12:00)?

I'm still kind of hoping I'll hear from Mal today and I can hang out with her after "Harlem Song", but I'm not expecting that to happen.

I'm looking forward to "Harlem Song". Glad Meital could get tickets. I know I wouldn't have gone otherwise.

I'm also looking forward to picking out music for my trip- always a fun activity.

I met Marcell and we had brunch at Fairway. It was a quick visit since I had to get up to Harlem but it was a nice visit. I didn't realise she didn't know how old I was. She asked and when I told her, she got into her dramatic self and shouted it so the entire cafe could hear. She couldn't believe it. She thought I was 23. I told her I'd be much happier with where I am in life if I was 23. I need to surround myself with older people who don't have the whole career, family, stable environment thing. Then again, right now I'll be happy to surround myself with anyone who actually returns my calls and emails. Nope, still haven't heard from Mal. I'm giving her until 9:30 (since she said she would get home tonight between 8:00 and 9:00) and then if she does actually call (which I doubt she will), I'll have to hope that getting to her place around 10:00 isn't too late for her.

So I got to Columbus Circle after brunch with Marcell and got on the D train. I'm pretty sure I've ever been on the D train. I knew it was express but I didn't realise just how express it was. I got on at 59th St and the next stop was 125th! So I was early! It was a mob scene at the Apollo, but I managed to squeeze through and get to the table in the lobby where the special reserved tickets were (that was nice- not having to wait in the box office line). Then I got in the ticket holders line and hoped Meital would find me. She did.

It was great being at the Apollo! The show was fair- good music, cool idea, neat multi-media with photos and videotaped interviews, weak choreography, terrible view- we were in the mezzanine (which is like most theatres' balconies) and the railing was at eye level, plus I had a woman with A LOT of hair in front of me constantly shifting her position so she could see- I saw bits and pieces, which was actually enough since the choreography wasn't too interesting. But the show made me think. I thought a lot about culture and other cultures assimilating or not assimilating into American culture and about how this country was founded by immigrants and how Native American culture is what should actually be called American culture, not our current version and about the pluses and minuses about being a melting pot and about how to keep your current customs while living in modern (whatever was modern at the time and our current modern) society and about African culture and how amazingly vibrant it is and how what we consider African culture is a bad choice of a name since Northern Africa is in Africa but not included in what we consider African culture and about how important Harlem was in our country's history and about how in the past, most decades (or generations) have had important people and important movements and our current generation does not- the biggest movement of our generation has been the Internet but the people who started the idea are not household names but I guess Bill Gates and Steve Case and Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos are fairly important in this movement and their names are recognised in many households and how the fact that we remember these men and not the men who originally created the Internet just shows how important money is in our society- we remember the wealthy men and not the men with the original ideas. So, yes, all that from this one little show. So I'm definitely glad I went. Oh, and while walking around Harlem and walking past the Disney Store, HMV, and Old Navy, I thought about gentrification and how even though these chain stores are bland and no where near as vibrant as Harlem once was, it's still better than the most recent state of the neighbourhood before gentrification- slums and drugs. Oh, and I also thought about how our current modern world in the United States is so bland- middle-class fashion (boring), pop music (boring), Hollywood movies and actors (boring). Now I know things always look better when looked at in hindsight, but I can't imagine people living in the 1920's with Dorothy Parker, Al Jolson, and birth control; the 1950's with Interstate roads, The Beat Generation, and Rock and Roll; and the 1960's with Civil Rights, Bob Dylan, and The Twilight Zone thinking the times they were living in were boring or bland. What exciting new things to we have in our current modern world? Nothing. That's why we're recycling so much, I guess. Oh, and one last thing, seeing "Harlem Song" made me want to get some good gospel music to listen to- I love it!

On the train home, the Yankee game just let out so the train was pretty crowded. I've never seen so many Caucasians on an NYC train before- John Rocker should have been there. There were a few people in Red Sox jerseys- nice to see in New York.

I was going on and passed the street fair on Madison that I actually was going to check out but forgot (glad I passed it). Well, I thought I was glad. How dull. Each block had the same crap- crepes, socks, hippy clothes, music, and fried dough. See, even street fairs are bland. Instead of walking down the street and passing countless Starbucks and Gaps, we get to walk down the street passing the same stuff being sold at all the fifferent stands. But people like this. I heard a woman say to her (I'm assuming) husband in an excited tone, "Look honey, socks!"

And then two kids got in the elevator in my building with me and pushed my floor. They're 2 of the kids living in the apartment next to me. They don't speak English. See, there's an example when a person ignoring assimilation can become a problem- learning English can be quite important in our country's current modern world where English is not the official language but is still the majority language and the language of business.

So Sex and the City starts tonight. Here will be an example of life imitating art- New Yorkers will now start their growing up and having babies phase. Can't wait for all the extra strollers on the already-too-crowded sidewalks.

And Mal has not called me. Probably never will. Another one bites the dust. But I'm not giving up all hope yet. I'll still forge ahead in my quest for social activities in my city (a city I do love, just like Carrie Bradshaw- even with all the excessive honking and the off-duty taxis in the rain). Hey, I can still hope that Dylan will actually show up in Union Square tomorrow morning...

Dylan did not show up this morning. I'm more pissed that I had to wake up early for no reason than anything else. I did NOT want to wake up early this morning, as I spent last night tossing and turning for a while before finally falling asleep. I was so mad that I wasn't tired after not sleeping the night before and getting very little sleep the night before that. Anyway, I'm not even going to bother calling or emailing to find out what happened this time. I'm giving up on him. I'm giving up on people here in general for a while but only because I'll be out of town for almost 2 weeks and then for a weekend a week after that and then again for several days 2 weeks after that. My August is going to be in and out of town so why bother trying to make plans during the in-town times?

I went to Cosi to have a good coffee (as opposed to Starbucks) and read some of my book and wait until Los Dos Molinos opened. Well, they are only open for dinner on Mondays, so there went that idea. I just picked up a few things at the Food Emporium and went home. Of course I took the 4 train which means fewer stops but more stairs to climb at my stop. Plus, the escalator for the long stair part was broken, so it was worse than normal. I wouldn't have minded if I didn't have heavy bags with me. That's my fault for mainly buying bottled drinks, but that's the main thing I like to buy at grocery stores, especially when I'll be away for a while so it's a waste to buy much food.

Tonight I'm going to see Lowen & Navarro at Makor- some kind of entertainment place that's part of the 92nd St. Y. I am kind of curious what the place will be like. So I decided to have dinner at Caffe Cielo since it's nearby and I LOVE their gnocchi. So hopefully I can at least have a pleasant evening after the annoyingly frustrating morning.

But getting back home early this morning, rather than spending the afternoon with Dylan, allows me to do some of the things I was going to do Tuesday night- go through mail, make sure I have everything for my trip...

I love Caffe Cielo! I had a delicious dinner and got to be around friendly people. There was a gorgeous guy at the bar next to me when I got there who was about to leave. He asked me about the book I was reading (Larry McMurtry's, "Roads") and then we got to talking a bit. I haven't talked to anyone that gorgeous in a LONG time! I actually felt a little uncomfortable, wanting to continue talking to him but not wanting to say something that would drive him away. He was about to leave though, so we didn't talk long. He is a regular (I heard the bartender telling someone his name- Kevin- and that he's a regular), so maybe I'll see him again.

Then I went to the concert. I got there early and saw Eric Lowen downstairs. I love the hat he always wears! I know he wears it to hide his thinning hair (like John Hall of King Missile), but that's okay since he looks great in it. The room where the concert was held was so big and laid back and with most of the people there being fans of Lowen & Navarro or Michael McDermott, I did not feel like I was in New York at all! It was the strangest sensation. I sat at a table with a guy, Danny, from Philadelphia who was a fan of Michael McDermott. We talked for a bit during the break. I'm sure most people there were not from New York. Michael McDermott was pretty good, although a bit generic. He had the tone of John Mellenkamp, the voice of Bruce Springsteen, and the chords of Peter Gabriel's more popular songs. Many of his songs were depressing though. Lowen & Navarro were fantastic as usual. They played a mix of all their albums and some new stuff (that I can't wait to get on CD). And for their encore they did their play-"We Belong"-in-the-audience thing which is such a nice touch. I was so happy there! So glad I went!

Last night's dream: There was a rumour going around that I had sex with Peter Krause (the rumour was true- in the dream only, of course). Some guy found out and decided I would be perfect for him- no one else could handle him. He had some kind of condition where he was a man but sometimes was a woman or maybe he was both at the same time during certain moments, I never found out exactly what was going on. He kept following me around. I was in a group, travelling somewhere (it looked like a cross between Hong Kong and Morocco- the roads of Hong Kong and the landscape of Morocco). The group leaders were really strict (don't remember why anymore). I was trying to get away with the guy and someone else, and I fell down a sandy hill which was very difficult to climb back up. I can't remember any other details now.

There were TONS of emergency vehicles on my street this morning when I was still trying to sleep. After the third group of loud sirens (each group lasted several minutes), I got scared that something was going on and got up to check it out. I couldn't see anything, so I figured nothing strange was going on, but it was getting too late to go back to sleep. I really wish there was a day in the near future where I could sleep in. Why are there so few weekends when I don't have to get up early? Even if it's for a fun reason, I still don't like getting up early. Maybe I can sleep in one day after I get back home before I have to go down for jury duty.

The other day I realised that the first day of classes start the Friday of Labour Day weekend. How ridiculous! I need to work in Baltimore that day, so I guess I'm missing the first day of classes. I hate doing that for many reasons: if I hate the class or professor I don't know right away so I can drop it and sign up for something else, I might miss something important- especially in the theatre production class where we might get assigned to production work groups, I'll already miss one class and with most teachers allowing only 1 or 2 abscences... Now, there is a possibility that I won't have to work in Baltimore, but I shouldn't have to make an effort to figure out a way to not need to be there; I should be able to work like I'm supposed to and miss the first day without it being a big deal. If I could know who my teachers were ahead of time and I could get in touch with them, I could tell them my situation and see what I'll be missing. But all my classes don't have assigned teachers (not that I can see, anyway) and the school is almost completely closed now anyway until the first day of classes, so that's pretty much impossible. I'm almost sure I'll go work and then just deal with missing the first day. I'm sure plenty of people will miss the first day, plus people might switch into the class on the second day, so I won't be completely alone. It's just so ridiculous to start classes on a Friday anyway, let alone the Friday of Labor Day weekend. Why not just start on Monday?

I finally took the Roosevelt Island Tram (something I've been wanting to do for a while now). It was kind of fun to do once but there's no reason to do it again unless I actually need to go there. I got on the bus once I got there and saw nothing but apartment buildings, 2 junk places to eat, and a grocery store. Not much going on there, I guess- unless I missed the more commercial area.

Almost ready for my trip. I just need to finish picking out music and to pack a few more things.

I'm so tired with various things right now- unreliable people, the media playing up certain stories (business scandals, kidnappers...), not being able to sleep in, excessive horn honking. I can't even listen to other people's problems right now- just can't make myself pay attention, be interested, and/or offer solutions. I think I just need a good night of sleep (something I haven't had in a while), and I don't know when I'm going to get that. Hotel sleeping is never easy- people partying all night, people making a lot of noise in the morning, housekeeping knocking even though you have the privacy sign up or will call to find out when they can come in... Well, I'll have a few days when I get back home before I have to go downtown for jury duty.

I rented a Pontiac Vibe (almost as weird looking as their Aztec- what is this company thinking?) with an American flag window sticker. Guess people who rent cars have to be patriotic.

There was no traffic heading down. Wednesday in the summer- good day to travel.

My room at the Embassy Suites is not too great- it's dark, dank, and dirty (or at least not very clean). And when I signed the bill to check in, there was a message at the bottom that said, "God Bless the United States of America". Why should I have to sign a bill at a national chain hotel that says something like that? But I wasn't going to make a big deal.

That afternoon, I got a snowball (even though it was cool and cloudy) and then went to Paula and Harvey's to hang out for a bit.

I really don't like suburbs. In Baltimore County, you either have chain stores/restaurants or cheap crap like greasy Italian joints or old antique stores that have absolutely nothing you would want. Sure Manhattan has its share of Starbucks, but it also has a good amount of non-chain places and outstanding restaurants and bars. At least Baltimore does have some good theatre companies (although none of them are doing any shows while I'm here). I am enjoying driving though. There is little traffic in the summer and there are some quiet country roads that are peaceful to drive on while listening to some good tunes.

I finally got to talk to Jay yesterday, since he called to talk to Paula and she put me on the phone after she was finished. I told him I've been trying to call several times recently, and he told me that he was on the computer a lot at night. Then when I asked about getting together while I'm down here, he said weeknights were impossible for him. Why, because you have to play on the computer all night? So, I don't think I'll be seeing him in the next week or two.

Harvey was in Rochester yesterday, so I picked Paula up and took her home. I dropped her off and then went to drop off some dry cleaning and pick up some dinner for Harvey. On the way back to Paula's, I went to look at some outrageous house that Paula told me about. I couldn't find it and told Paula so when I got back to her house. She suggested we drive out there and she could point it out. I think that's the most spontaneous thing she's ever done (at least that I know about). It was so nice to take a quick summer drive to look at a HUGE house (it was covered by trees, that's why I couldn't find it, but I got the idea- it was like 3 houses put together). Then we drove back to her house and made dinner- she made the eggs and I took care of the corn and iced tea. We talked for a while about the past and had a nice nostalgic trip down memory lane. What a delightful summer evening!

Driving around their neighbourhood brings back so many memories. I know I have my share of flashbacks all the time, but they definitely quadruple in number when I drive through an area from my past. And of course I only remember the good things. How funny, the way the brain works.

Then I went back to the hotel and called Eytan. He seems back to his old self. We talked for a while and talked about my coming to visit August 3. He said Terry would leave that afternoon, so I won't have to worry about any drama. It's all so ridiculous, but people suck and that's just the way it is.

I still haven't been sleeping well at all. I think I should set the alarm from now on rather than get a wake-up call, since I can hit the snooze button on the alarm clock, but I can't get a wake-up call every 5 minutes. I went back to sleep this morning, but fortunately woke up at 8:15. I did have to rush to get ready, but I would have been late anyway since it's pouring out which of course causes the traffic to build up.

When I went back to sleep this morning, I had a weird dream. I was in the audience of a concert-type performance of "Company". It was crowded but people kept leaving and coming back in, so I was able to move to the front soon after it began. The cast was directly singing/talking to the audience, and John Barrowman was flirting with me. Then someone next to me needed to make a phone call, so one of the actors gave him their mobile phone. Then the woman next to that guy got a phone call, answered it, and proceeded to have a loud conversation. It was all very obnoxious. While the cast took a break so this woman could have her conversation, I tried to watch TV. To get to a station, you had to type in the URL. The channel was on ESPN and I was trying to watch CBS since I thought there was a game on that station that I wanted to watch. I kept making typos and couldn't get to the channel I wanted. Then I woke up.

Not much else to say. I really have a hard time writing when other people are around and/or when I'm not in a comfortable space. So the entries for the rest of the time I'm here will probably sound strange.

Friday night, Eytan wanted some help packing, so I went over there to help out. Then we had dinner with his parents and brother at the Helmand (in my opinion, one of the nicest restaurants in Baltimore).

Saturday I went to help him move since some of his friends backed out at the last minute (I HATE unreliable people). So it was me, Jon, Ben (his brother), and Jeff (his ex-boyfriend). Luckily, it wasn't too hot and there was often a breeze which made it easier. It really wasn't that bad. We moved some of his stuff to his parents house, had lunch there, and then did a caravan to his new place in Arlington. 395 has SO MUCH TRAFFIC!!! It was interesting trying to follow Eytan and Ben and read the road signs (following 395 requires several lane changes) at the same time.

After we moved him in, Ben went home and Jeff, Eytan, and I went to dinner at Bennigans. That place got trendy- trendy cocktails with high quality stuff, trendy menu items... And I learned that I like apple martinis. I think it's my new drink of choice (for the moment). I like hanging out with Jeff- really nice guy.

Saturday night, I was pretty tired when I got back to the hotel. I just wanted to relax and watch a movie. No such luck- the satellite was down and no one could fix it on the weekend- I had to wait until Monday. This took an hour for them to figure out.

Other problems with the hotel:
- I figured out that they put me in the handicapped room. The shower was a handheld shower which attached to the wall halfway down from where it would be comfortable. I had to bend sideways to wash my hair- very uncomfortable. And the toilet is of course high which doesn't exactly make it easy to use.
- I was checking the folio on the TV one night (before the satellite stopped working) just out of curiosity. Well, the charges went on for pages! I was very confused, and then I saw the dates for the charges. The dates started at June 23. Intelligent, guys.
- The clock changes time randomly. I was hoping to use the alarm clock to wake me up rather than the wake-up call since I could use the snooze button, but I wouldn't do that if the clock can't handle displaying the correct time.

So yesterday, I went to check out the Radisson at Cross Keys (thank you, Harvey, for being stubborn and looking through the phone book for other hotel options). It's cleaner, quieter, has intelligent employees, and is just a notch higher in general. Plus, it's close to Mt. Washington, and I like Mt. Washington.

So I checked out of the Embassy Suites this morning (a pain to pack up everything again, but worth it in the long run) and will check into the Radisson this evening.

Yesterday I went down to Artscape for the Lowen & Navarro concert. They played with a band with members from Northern VA- they weren't exactly tight, but it was interesting seeing a show this way (I've only seen them as a duo up until now). The setlist was basically the same as it was in New York, but it was shorter. One of the security guys was kind of getting into the music- interesting to see- they're always so stone faced. So it was worth dealing with the humidity and crowds to see them.

That evening, I went over Jon and Michelle's to hang out and watch Sex and the City. Steven's 7� months old now and is starting to learn how to crawl. He's got the leg part down but can't figure out how to combine that with the arm part. It was fun seeing him again. So Jon and I didn't play tennis yesterday (too hot) and won't be playing today (too hot), but hopefully we'll get to play Wednesday or Thursday.

Tonight I'm going out with David (Rebecca's father). Calling him later to find out what we're doing.

Tomorrow night I'm going to Sylvia's for dinner and will be meeting Dan (some cousin or something).

Work is obnoxious- what else is new- so I'm trying not to think about it much and ignore everyone as much as possible.

I got some mosquito bites when helping Eytan move the other day (and I might have gotten one or two yesterday at Artscape). I haven't had a mosquito bite in a LONG time. Itchy!

David and I had dinner at a nice/casual Vietnamese restaurant across from the Senator Theatre.

Last night I went with Matt, Sylvia, and Dan (some cousin) for Chinese and then went back to their apartment for a bit. Dan is very boring and talks extremely slowly, so between the two, it was agony listening to him for more than 5 minutes. And all 3 of them interrupt each other while carrying on a conversation so no one really hears what the others are saying. Aggrevating.

After I left there, I went to the Mt. Washington Tavern for a few drinks. There was a DJ so I didn't want to stay long, but Mr. DJ bought me a shot, so I felt like I should stick around a while, rather than drink and run.

I've still been having trouble sleeping. Last night it didn't take me 4 hours to fall asleep, instead I woke up every hour or so. Frustrating.

Today was a bit stressful at work, plus it's still a pain dealing with these people at the office, so I'm just trying not to think about it much.

Tonight I'm meeting David for dinner at some crepe place in Mt. Washington.

Tomorrow I'm meeting Sylvia for an early lunch since she didn't get to have much time to talk to me alone (read: she didn't get much time to complain to me about her life and how busy it is) and then tomorrow evening, I'm playing tennis with Jon. Keeping this busy socially is not good for my trying-to-relax idea. Today was the first day I was really tired, but I don't want it to get worse. I'm not meeting David until 8:00, but hopefully I can get back to the hotel by 10:30 and get to sleep by midnight. If that works, I'll get 7 hours of sleep, which would be wonderful! I also plan on staying in Friday and reading a book. I brought 3 books with me and so far have read about 20 pages of one of them.

Saturday is dinner at Pines of Rome for Maxine's birthday. Jay & Sherry are actually going to be there- pretty surprising, but I guess since it's a weekend, they can take their precious time to celebrate with Maxine and the rest of us. But first on Saturday I'll probably go visit Eytan and see what his new place looks like. I hope Terry leaves fairly early on Saturday so I can have time to visit with Eytan before getting to Bethesda for dinner at 5:30. Even it's okay with Terry (and Dena) for me to see him for a few minutes, I changed my mind about wanting to see him. At some point it might be nice, but not now in my current frame of mind. If he doesn't piss me off, I'll just get nostalgic or something and then sad about what I've done in the past 5+ years and where I am now; and I also don't want to catch up and explain in 30 minutes or less about what I've been up to and what I'm currently doing. So I hope he leaves before I get down there.

Okay, time for a little more work and then head down to Mt. Washington.

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