JULY

Well, I'm back in Baltimore now after an interesting time in Virginia. Being back there was no big deal. I went to some old haunts; drove around on the pretty, country roads; and got very little sleep as usual.

The Tull show was good (wish it could have been a little longer though). Joe 90 opened for them and they weren't bad. The Tenessee Theatre was beautiful! Highlights of the show included: Dharma for One, In the Grip of Stronger Stuff, and With You There to Help Me. I was upset they only played 2 songs from "Secret Language of Birds" and I didn't care for their choices (Habanero Reel and Water Carrier). I wish they had played Better Moon, Postcard Day, or Sanctuary.

Seeing Andy was good. It was like no time had passed since the last time I saw him. I'm sorry he's having such a hard time right now with everything and I hope things look better soon. So, I'm glad I saw him but I'm also glad I didn't spend any more time with him. I don't know if I could deal with all of that again. I was glad to have Mike's farm to go to after I left Virginia so I had somewhere to go to that wasn't complete reality yet. I spent a few hours on his farm before heading back to Baltimore and hanging out with Eytan for a little while at Ruth-Chris' Steakhouse.

Now I have to pack up my stuff to ship back to Phoenix, maybe see Daniel tonight if I can get a hold of him, tomorrow go to a party at Lisa & Bev's, and then fly home Monday. This past month and a half flew by! I kind of figured it would though.

I've been listening to "Side Show" for the past two days. I'm obsessed with "Tunnel of Love". I really wish I could have seen it in Virginia again with a better seat. I really liked that cast.

Last night I went to Daniel's new place in Bethesda and when we got there one of the women who lives in the house was having a party. So we got thrown into this party where we knew no one. I actually had a good time talking to this guy, Mark. He reminded me of Eytan in certain ways. I guess in his views on life, careers, etc. After Mark left, Daniel and I went to take a walk and when we got back, everyone had gone. So we had a quiet night of catching up. I really miss my night owl buddy. Between Andy and Daniel, I've had all this closeness over the past few days. I'll miss it when I get back to Phoenix and have no one of that type.

In a little bit, Eytan and I are heading up to Lisa & Bev's for their party. I'm looking forward to it but I'm so tired. I haven't really slept more than a couple hours each night for the past week. I guess I'll catch up for a few days in Phoenix before I head out to LA.

Lisa & Bev's party was a lot of fun (especially playing volleyball, I hadn't played in years). It was a beautiful day; actually, a beautiful weekend. It finally turned into summer a few days before I have to go back to Phoenix.

Now I'm finishing a few odds and ends and then I'll be heading off to the airport. I can't believe I'm leaving already. I am looking forward to getting back to my life though (in some ways). I'm curious to see how my car's doing with its oil leak. I'm looking forward to organising my work. I'm not looking forward to unpacking and cleaning the apartment. I'm not looking forward to being back in my non-social life.

Happy 4th!

I got stuck in Pittsburgh last night because of the weather. There actually weren't any weather problems in Pittsburgh or Baltimore but supposedly there were problems somewhere along the flight route and therefore, we couldn't leave until 2 hours later. So I missed my flight to Phoenix and the next flight wasn't until 10:00 PM. I didn't want to get into Phoenix too late since it's creepy in the unpopular terminal 2 at night, so I stayed the night in Pittsburgh and left early this morning. It actually was nice since I was able to watch a movie last night (Deuce Bigelow, I don't recommend it- it was the only movie choice I hadn't seen or hadn't absolutely refused to see), work out this morning, and get to Phoenix at a reasonable hour. Now I'm exhausted.

No Fourth of July activities for me tonight. I love fireworks but not so much that I want to make an effort to go see them. I don't want to know if my car is working yet or not, I don't want to deal with Phoenix traffic, plus I don't have anyone to go with. Pretty lights in the sky- just not worth it. So, I'm just going to watch "Being John Malcovich" (I love that movie) and then fall asleep (hopefully for a long time).

I fell asleep watching "Being John Malcovich" last night. So I slept a good 9 or 10 hours!!! Finally!!!! Now my problem is not knowing how to organise my bedroom. I left it looking like a cyclone hit it since I was packing in a hurry and now I don't know where to start. When I really don't want to clean, I usually can pretend that it's not my stuff and I'm doing this for someone else, but it's not working this time. HELP!!!! I guess I just need to jump in but I feel like procrastinating. There's always a reason not to do it now. I'm too tired, it's 6:00 in the morning and I don't clean at that hour, I should go test my car first, I'd rather update my journal... It'll get done eventually (preferably today). It's a good thing there's not too much going on with work or events (no movies, no theatre, etc). That will help cut down on distractions.

I'm contemplating going to the Tull show in Tucson in Spetember. But maybe not. I probably couldn't find anyone to go with and it's not as fun going alone, it'll be the same setlist as in Knoxville, and the shows are too short these days to make it seem worth it.

I'm looking forward to LA. I'll get to see my parents, do the show in Anaheim, and live the high-life for a weekend. I'm also looking forward to classes starting. I probably won't be thrilled with school a few days into it but I'm looking forward to seeing what this history class will be like. I hope the instructor is interested in what they're teaching. I'm REALLY not looking forward to that drive 4 days a week though. Maybe it won't be as bad in the summer and at the hours I'll be going. Maybe I'll get into books on tape (doubt it). The only thing that I really like doing on that ride is singing or listening to talk radio. Maybe I'll tape my history notes and listen to them. Oh well, it's only for 5 weeks.

I have to figure out what I need for LA today. The problem is, is that nothing is back from Baltimore yet so I have to see if I can make do with everything I have here. I'm hoping my stuff will get here this afternoon but with UPS, you never know. Both UPS and Fed-Ex have been horrible with their service recently.

It's nice to be back writing in the comfort of my own home. As much as I love traveling, some things are just uncomfortable when you're out of town. Is it true that people who travel aren't happy with their lives? I think it is. Travelers are always looking for something outside their lives (not just outside their homes). I've met plenty of non-travelers that aren't happy with their lives but I've never met a traveler who was happy with their life. I suppose it would be better to find happiness at home but for the time being, it's easier and more fun to travel. Now that I think more about it, I think that there are travelers who are happy with their lives. I've just never met any.

I had to wake my brain up so I thought I'd write for a little bit before I leave. Note to self: Even if it looks great to get somewhere early in the day so you can have a whole day to be there, it's NOT worth getting up at 5:00 in the morning to do that!!! Then again, maybe it is. I actually had no problem getting up this morning- of course that's probably because I had to pee really badly. Anyway, now I have a few minutes before I have to pack and leave for the airport. I always briefly panic that the Supershuttle driver won't find his way in here, or the gate isn't open and he can't figure out how to call me and tell me to open it (of course, I don't think I know how to open the gate from my phone). It always works out though. But this early, he might have trouble finding the gate open. I'm assuming you just hit 9 or # on the phone and that will let the driver in. Whatever, I'm sure it'll be fine.

LA- I really don't like LA. Of course I haven't been there for real in 10 years. Maybe this time will be different. I feel like I should love it (or at least some parts of it). Right now I'm looking forward to being there- walking on the beach (I don't even like beaches), walking the Santa Monica pier, seeing all the interesting looking people, staying at the Lowes, dining at a see-and-be-seen restaurant... Now I just have to hope that I have a smooth flight.

Did I say I hated LA? I must have meant Louisiana. It's so great here. It's a perfect, sunny day. Went shopping w/Mom, bought a light jacket so I could ditch the wintery jacket I brought. Then I decided to see if I remembered how to ride a bike. Then guy at the rental place was being nice about it- me not riding for 10 years, I mean. He was a young, cute, Scotish guy- oh yeah! He recognised me 3 hours later as I was walking back to the hotel. I think I'll have to take another ride tomorrow if I get back from Anaheim early enough. Anyway, the riding came back after a few minutes and was fun- except my hands hurt from gripping the handlebars so hard. After the ride, I met Mom at her hotel and we lounged by the pool drinking a marguarita. I left like I was on a typical American vacation. I usually hate that stuff but for some reason, it felt right. Now we're going to dinner at Pregos- haven't been there in over 10 years. I'm looking forward to their artichoke- hope they still have it. I got REALLY sunburned today. If I ride tomorrow, I'll have to put some sunblock on (like the Emmet Swimming song).

I'm home and exhausted. I have, except for that one night, gone to bed late and woken up TOO early for the past few weeks. The flight today was irritating. The airport was EXTERMELY crowded, the people on my flight were non-frequent travelers, we got sent to the wrong runway and that made the takeoff 45 minutes late, I had to wait for a while for a Supershuttle, there were 4 stops before mine on the Supershuttle... I'm tired.

Yesterday was okay at the show. It was very productive. Although, I did have to talk to this one annoying guy about setting up an auction web site. He and his partner seemed to have very different ideas of what it was supposed to be like. The IT guy had realistic ideas but the owner wanted streaming video which would never be good enough for his public auctions. So I had to listen to the IT guy talk highly about his mediocre work. Fortunately, it wasn't that long of a conversation.

After the show, I went for a bike ride (cute, Scotish guy wasn't there). The path was too crowded with pedestrians so I didn't ride for very long. Then I was too tired to go to dinner, or do much of anything else for that matter, so I watched movies ("Antz", Where the Money Is, and "There's Something About Mary") and went to bed.

Oh, my sunburn still hurts but is getting better.

On a whim, I decided to go see "Chicken Run". I didn't like it as much as I thought I would but there were some good lines and cool claymation. The parking situation at Deer Valley has gotten out of hand. I drove around for 10 minutes, finally finding a spot in the dark corner behind the buildings and telling myself how good it was that the movie gets out before it gets dark. I also rented a couple of movies- "Mystery Alaska" and "Last Night". Sunburn still hurts a little. I had to wear my seatbelt the wrong way since the sunburn on my shoulder REALLY hurts.

School... Let's start with the bad. MATH!!!!! The instructor, I can't stand; that's the main problem. The amount of work comes a close second in the problem category. We're expected to do an average of 70 problems a night. If each problem takes an average of 3 minutes, then that means I'll be doing homework for over 3 hours. That's crazy!!! He said if you work full time, you're in trouble since this class will take up so much of your time. Can't wait! Right now the work is easy but it'll get harder soon- probably by tomorrow. Also, we have one exam per week plus a final. Then History... it's wonderful. The instructor is passionate about the subject, knowledgable, and has a sense of humour- what more could I ask for? The main problem is that since it's only a 5 week semester, we won't get past 1950. We also have one exam per week but no final. We will have to write a book review though (hopefully it won't have to be more than 5 pages). The traffic won't be too much of a problem; it's much heavier in the evenings. I left this morning at 8:00 and there was virtually no traffic. Coming home at 2:00, it was heavy but not too horrible. I'm hoping these 5 weeks will fly by.

I hate these summer class schedules. It's impossible to cover as much information as the regular length sessions. I just spent most of the evening doing Math homework and dragging my boxes from the east coast into my apartment. Now it's 9:30 and I'm just finishing going through email. I really want to sit on the couch and watch a movie but I also need to start reading "Ike's Spies" by Stephen Ambrose (for my history class). I am looking forward to the book.

Here's something I was thinking about earlier. I'm more of a theatre person than a music person and here's why. When I listen to a cast recording, if I haven't seen the show, then I don't like it as much. I can't figure out what the characters are like and therefore can't sing along like I know what I'm singing about. If I was more of a music person, I would appreciate the music for what it is, not for what it's about.

I'm remembering what it's like to be in a Phoenix summer. My eyes are constantly dry, I can't drink enough water, and the steering wheel in my car takes 10 minutes to cool off. I'm not complaining! It's so nice to be warm after being freezing back east 90% of the time.

I'm finally making a My Yahoo page. Of course I am. It's much more important to be editing an extremely necessary personal website rather than doing my math homework, unpacking boxes, working, researching or reading "Ike's Spies".

Here's what my web site would look like if the Swedish Chef wrote it. Or how about a redneck? See, this is much more interesting than math homework.

I took a math quiz today which was easy. I love when math and easy are in the same sentence. Tomorrow, my history instructor will be out of town so I can leave early tomorrow. I should use that time to do research for my paper but I'll probably come home and maybe or maybe not do something productive. There are so many things I NEED to do- unpack my boxes, do laundry, call my bank, organise finances, work on this history paper, do math stuff, clean my apartment, work on business stuff... I just haven't been feeling productive since I've been back. I keep putting off everything and goofing off instead. It just seems like the hours between 4-10 fly by. Last night I was on the computer for one reason or another the whole night. I should have been unpacking. Oh well. At least I called the post office today to find out why I wasn't getting my mail. The post office isn't too efficient with the mail forwarding. And I would expect any different? Hopefully I'll start getting my mail tomorrow.

I really want to make time to do something fun this weekend. Maybe there will be a good show around town. I already know I don't want to go see any movies. I wish there were flat places where you could rent a bike. I got addicted during my short stay in LA.

I just downloaded a Dwarves song from Napster. I haven't heard it since high school and man... what memories. I even remember sitting in the back of Steffani Podolny's car with Rich and Dan listening to that song on the way to a pool hall (probably- we could have been going to a party instead). I love memories like that. Those were such good times. Or at least I'm remembering them as good times. I have a habit of doing that- remembering old times as good times even though they usually weren't always so great.

Finally! I got productive. Today I did a lot of math homework, made travel arrangements for Albuquerque, updated some web sites, and am now relaxing for a little bit before I go read more of "Ike's Spies". I like this book but he certainly doesn't waste words. Every single sentence makes you think. Not contemplate think, I mean think think- about what he's talking about. What do I have to remember about Charles de Gaulle to help me understand those last 2 sentences? He's writing this book like his readers are all WWII experts. I think I'll have to include that in my critique.

Oh- I'm having a childhood smell memory. I'm not sure what it is or where the smell is coming from (I think it might just be inside my head) but I'm having a flashback of something (no images though).

I'm thinking of going to see "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom" this weekend. I remember wanting to go see it when it was playing at Spotlighters but that was Spotlighters. This one is at Planet Earth theatre- a theatre that's in a crappy area, there's almost no parking, and I'm not sure I trust their production after reading negative reviews of 2 other shows they've done. They also seem to be the kind of company who's main intention is to shock the audience, who cares if it works with the script or not. It's basically a bunch of 20-something hippy kids who want to get in people's faces about stuff they "care" about. They don't care about good theatre or talent. Okay, I think I just talked myself out of going. The main reason I wanted to go was because there's nothing else playing and I wanted to go see something. Maybe there's a movie that I forgot about that I wouldn't mind seeing.

Yesterday was a good day. I did some math, organised computer stuff, called my bank, called about the A/C, watched a few movies, mailed a few things, cleaned up my bookmarks and files, and had a full day from 9:00 AM-4:00 AM. I'm back to my usual self. I like not having the interruption of going to school. It makes the day seem much longer. Now if I could just unpack these damn boxes and find time to work out.

I'm having this problem where I want to be anywhere that I'm not. Wherever I am, some other place always seems better. I was talking to my mom yesterday and she was in New Orleans. I wished I could have been in New Orleans. Eytan was talking the other day about planning his trip to Seattle. I wanted to go with him (I don't even like Seattle that much). Today I want to be in New Orleans, Ireland, New York, Boston, Baltimore, Austin, Australia, or Blacksburg. I guess I have my limits though- I do not want to be in Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Mississippi, Alabama, the Middle East, China, Iowa, or Mexico.

I was getting directions online and this was the warning I got:
WARNING: Use these directions at your own risk. Neither Cox Interactive Media nor Switchboard are responsible for their accuracy or for any losses resulting from their use. Obey all traffic regulations.
I just thought that was funny. It's amazing how cautious companies have to be these days. I can't imagine coming up with the idea to sue Cox Interactive Media or Switchboard for my poor driving but I suppose many people would.

I just got back from seeing "Frequency" and... WOW!!!! I've never seen a movie of that kind and liked every little thing about it. Usually they'll do something that will piss me off- like inaccurate history, inaccurate use of technology, under-developed characters, dragging storyline, rushed storyline... This movie was perfect. There was one part that pissed me off but what happened later explained that and made it even better.

I got an email from my grandmother the other day. What a shock. I didn't know what to do. Should I write back? Ignore it? Write back telling her not to write again? I finally decided just to write a short email testing it out and telling her "We'll see what happens". I have nothing against an email relationship, but it's the principal of writing like nothing's wrong and she'll assume nothing's wrong and think she gets off scott-free. I don't want her to think that. If she acts like nothing's wrong in her next email, I'll have to do something. I don't know what though. Why now? It's something I always have in the back of my mind but don't care enough to do anything about it. Well, now I get to do something about it. I'd like a relationship with her if we can have a normal conversation and she can justify her actions with everything that's happened. I'm not optomistic, but we'll see.

I had a REALLY strange dream last night. I was in the office on Chesapeake Ave., and we were all still working there, including Eytan. It looked basically the same with some little twists to the architecture. I had to pee really badly so I ran to the bathroom in the back and peed all over the floor (I couldn't help it). I went to get a mop and there were all these people in the office watching a surveillance video of the Hunt Valley Marriott (what's with dreams of the Hunt Valley Marriott?). I couldn't figure out how to use the mop (it wasn't a normal mop) so this temp woman had to help me. Then I was walking around Towson and staying at a hotel (I think it was the Marriott except it was in Towson) for an auction. I was checking into my room and the bellman apologised for not having the controls on the alarm clock and he would get some by the next day. I told him not to bother since I was only staying there for 2 days but he insisted. Later I realised that I was there for some gymnastics competition. There were all these kids with their parents in a gym. Then I think it was a road trip with all of these people going to California (I remember driving a long distance on empty roads but that part of the dream is fuzzy). Then I was in the parking lot of the Penthouse office and I ran into George (literally). I lost my balance while getting out of my car and fell on top of him. Then I woke up. I love these kinds of dreams but have no idea where they come from.

About the site of the day: I've never even seen this show but I know TV viewers are obsessed with this show so I thought this site was funny. Basically some guy figured out who the survivor is through the CBS website. How typical for someone to have too much time on their hands and figure out through the code of the site who the winner will be. He found an "x" by the image of each member voted off already, looked at the code, and then typed in the location of the images. Then he replaced the name of a member not voted off yet and found an "x" by their image. He did this for all members until he found the one without the "x". Now, this could all be hype- the web designers did it so that some nosey person would find it and they'll have the last laugh when the guy without the "x" really isn't the last guy standing. Who knows? Who cares? My point is that I wish I had the kind of free time to do something ridiculous like that.

Today was one of those days when all the little things go wrong. First, this morning I went to the Math Lab to get some help for my test. They were supposed to open at 8:00 but when I got there at 8:05, it was locked. I finally got in at 8:30. Then, after school, I wanted to go get lunch and do my homework. I've been wanting to try this little French cafe I read about but when I got there, they had a sign that said they would be closed until August 22 (gotta love those French and their damn 2 month vacations). It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Even if they weren't on vacation, they still would have been closed. They're closed Monday and Tuesday. So then I went back toward my apartment and decided to do to Walgreens and get my pictures developed. As soon as I got there, the photo machine broke down and they said they didn't know when it would be fixed. So I went to Ritz instead and decided I would go to my favourite little Italian place next to it while I waited for my pictures. They don't open on Monday until 5:00 and I was there at 3:30. My pictures would be ready before they opened. So I went to the pay phone to make a phone call. It was broken. Then I remembered that I had mail in the car that I needed to send out. However, a quest for a blue mailbox in this city (at least around where I live) is like trying to find a needle in a haystack (pardon the cliche). I knew there wasn't one in the 2 shopping centres I was near but then I remembered that Kinkos had a mail drop. So I got there and the clerk told me they had gotten rid of it a few months ago when they remodeled the store. Now I'm home, exhausted, and hungry (I haven't eaten all day). One positive note: my pictures came out well. I didn't know what would be on the roll exactly since people were taking pictures with my camera at Lisa & Bev's party. Two were even of me and I had no idea they were taken (actually, one I knew was taken but I didn't know it was with my camera). That's what you get for leaving your camera sitting on a table when you go to play volleyball. Anyway, I liked the ones those people took and I liked the ones I took as well.

So I think I did okay on my math test today. There wasn't as much material on it as I thought there would be. All the hard stuff was left out for some reason. So, I got lucky on that too. Wednesday I have a history test that I'm actually looking forward to. Strange coincidence... today in class we were talking about the early railroads of America and how terrible it was to travel by train until the transcontinental railroad. The transcontinental railroad made all the gouges the same size so every train could travel along the whole thing and therefore it wouldn't take people as long to travel by train. While I was driving home, I was listening to "All Things Considered" on NPR and they had a story on how unsafe trains are these days and how they're getting worse.

I feel really close to someone today; I just don't know who it is.

As much as I love going to Starbucks, I can't help but feel guilty remembering Denis Leary's rant on Starbucks and coffee-flavoured coffee. It really is riduculous in there. You get in a long line, order your drink, the cashier calls it out to the coffee maker, the coffee maker calls it back to make sure they got it right, you wait by the coffee maker until you hear them call out your name and order. Here's a stream of orders I had to listen to while I was there (and don't forget, you get to hear them four times: once from the person ordering, once from the cashier, and twice from the coffee maker)- "A Venti, Decaf, Non-fat, White Chocolate Mocha Latte", "A Grande, Iced, Decaf Vanilla Latte", "A Grande, Iced, Non-fat, Mocha Latte", "A Venti Frapachino without whipped cream"... The fun part is watching the cashier remember what they're supposed to be calling out. As much as I don't want to order hot coffee on a scorching hot summer day in Phoenix, it would be fun to order a "large coffee" just to see how they react.

Well, I got a 79% on my math test. He took off points wherever he could, I was pissed. At least I didn't fail. He said that the average grade was a 73%; there were 3 A's, 1 B, 10 C's, 4 D's, and 3 F's. Looking at those scores, I didn't do too badly. The stuff we're learning now is much easier than what was on the last test, so if there are no surprises, I should do better on the next one. I really don't care too much though. As long as I get a C, I'll be happy. I have my history test tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. I want to do REALLY well. I studied a little bit tonight but I seem to know everything well enough already. I also taped my notes which I'll listen to on the way to school tomorrow. I'm being bad and not doing my math homework tonight. It's so nice to have more hours in the evening to work. Without having math homework to do, I've gotten so much accomplished tonight (work stuff and fun stuff). It's hard to enjoy the fun stuff completely since I feel like I shouldn't be doing it and I should be doing my math homework instead, but once in a while you deserve to slack off a little.

I heard back from my grandmother tonight. She just wrote a quick note since she was "getting logged off" her computer. She said that she was happy to hear from me and that I told her everything she wanted to know; what I was doing and how I was doing. She doesn't really want to know her granddaughter. She just wants to know that I'm healthy and doing well with whatever I'm doing. She's thrilled that I'm back in school and doing well with it. That way she can tell all her friends that she talks to her granddaughter all the time and that she's doing well in school. I'll wait till her next, longer email and see what else she has to say. Then I'll make my plan of attack.

I finally went to see "Hamlet" this afternoon. I don't know what made me be so carefree in the middle of the day. At least I did some math homework before the movie. Anyway, I didn't like it. I didn't expect to like it; I just wanted to confirm my opinion that Shakespeare shouldn't be modernised. It was just so odd to hear that language while you're watching characters dressed in modern clothing, walking around New York. Julia Stiles (Ophelia) got on my nerves, I couldn't decide what I thought of Bill Murray (Polonius), Ethan Hawke (Hamlet) got better as the movie went on, Steve Zahn and Dechen Thurman (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern) were nothing special, but I did like Sam Shepard (Ghost), Liev Schreiber (Laertes) and Kyle MacLachlan (Claudius). My main problem, besides the modernisation, was that no one found the humour in the script. Bill Murray came the closest but it still could have been stronger. And what was with Hamlet's cheesy "Mousetrap" film? That didn't work at all. And the "Corporate America" stuff started to get annoying. It was bad enough to see Panasonic, Marlboro, and MoviePhone, but to have the "To be or not to be" soliloquy in a Blockbuster really bothered me. Oh, and why did they even bother with the grave scene? If you're going to cut the script (which I understand why they do), can't you at least think about what you're cutting? Anyway, I'm glad I saw it just so I can have a valid arguement when someone tries to tell me their positive opinion of the movie. Now I just need to see "Midsummer Night's Dream" so I can back up my arguement even more.

I think I did really well on my history test today. It was REALLY easy. The only thing that screwed me up were the true/false questions. I hate when they're worded in a way where it could be true or false. So I could have gotten 3-4 wrong but that's still an A. Now I'm looking forward to my math test, since this material is easier than what was on the last one, and I want to see another good grade. Gotta love that positive reinforcement.

Once Hush is breaking up. I kind of assumed it would happen one day, just didn't know when. After Greg left, Eric held the band together (although Alan was an important part too, I think). Now Eric is going off to do solo work. I wish him well. I do think he's a good songwriter with a lot of energy and catchy tunes, I just don't know if he'll be able to make it. Then again, maybe he could. Right now the only young-ish solo artists (who aren't Latino) are female. Maybe the popular music scene needs a young American solo artist.

Here's something I wrote last night but didn't have time to update this journal:
Voice Recognition Napster.
That's what mine seems to be tonight. I'll say, out loud, what song I want to hear and it plays it right after. It's two for two right now!!!

We didn't get our history tests back today. :( Now I have to wait till Monday.

I'm definitely going to New York August 12-16. Now I just have to find a place to stay. I'm also hoping to see Copenhagen (if it's still playing) while I'm there.

Irritating things of the day:
Work is piling up.
No one has come to look at my A/C yet.
The phone company called to tell me my bill was returned by the Post Office saying that the temporary address has expired. This is the 3rd screw up with the mail forwarding I did in May. It makes me wonder how many other things have gotten returned.
I have about 300 math problems to do over the weekend.
I really should finish reading "Ike's Spies" today or tomorrow.
I have been tired since I woke up this morning.

Happy birthday Mike!

I can't believe it's July 21st already. This month is flying by! In fact, I think the rest of this year will fly by. Before I know it, I'll be moving out of Phoenix.

My mind is so blank right now, but I know as soon as I get up to do something else, my mind will start thinking about 8 things at once.

Last night I was watching a movie with Matt & Brie and I realised that Matt reminded me a little bit of Tim, that guy I dated in high school. They both, when partying, act like a 5 year old. "Bwee, can you buy me pizza? Pweeeeeze?"

I just did the weirdest thing- I TOOK A NAP! I didn't mean to- it just happened. I only woke up because the phone rang. Now I feel really weird, sort of half awake and half asleep. I had a strange dream. I was stealing $2500 out of the vending machine at the Sudbrook Arts Centre and running from other people who wanted the money (I think they thought it was closer to $1,000,000). Then I was riding in Neil's car as he was driving around San Francisco. I know there are steep hills in San Francisco but in my dream they were more like roller coaster tracks with 100 foot drops and stuff. We decided that we must have been near the airport with roads like these (I guess I decided that there were only steep inclines near the airport). Some of the roads weren't finished and it was scarey not knowing if we were going to stop before a road came to an end. Then I woke up. I hope I never fall asleep in the middle of the day again. I feel like I can't function the rest of the day.

I feel stressed today. I woke up early and got a lot done but there's still so much I need to do. I'm not too worried about my math, it's the history paper I'm worried about. I'm worried I won't have enough time to organise my thoughts. Actually, as I'm writing this, I'm not worried or stressed at all. It'll get done.

I had a weird dream last night. I don't remember too many details. All I remember is having to sing "Tunnel of Love" from "Side Show"- no idea why. I remember the voice of the guy playing Buddy, that's it. I wish I could remember more details.

Some things I wish:
I wish I could remember names of actors.
I wish I had more time to read.
I wish I could work at Balpex on Labour Day.
I wish I could get out of doing this history paper.
I wish The Diamondbacks had a bigger lead in the NL West.
I wish my room would clean itself.
I wish I could see Once Hush one last time before they break up.
I wish I was around intelligent people more often.

I taped "American Beauty" last night. Now I have my 4 favourite movies from 1999 on tape. The other 3 would be: "The Matrix", "Being John Malkovich", and "South Park". There were quite a few good movies that came out in '99.

I just made brownies- they're good. I also did a lot of my math homework. Now I'm trying to decide what to do. Should I do some more of my math homework, finish reading "Ike's Spies", organise finances, go through the mail, or read the U.S. News and World Report that's been sitting here, half read, for the past few days? I'll probably do the math since it's the easiest thing that is a priority.

I had a thought when I went to write this, but by the time I got set up, the thought went away. Maybe it'll come back if I sit here long enough... I don't think I'm going to remember. Maybe I'll think of something else to say... Great, now I have writer's block. I still need to find somewhere to stay in New York from Aug 12-16. I have an idea! I'll put links, to all the movies I've seen, to Amazon.com (or at least get started).

Mindspring (or Earthlink, I guess it is now) decided to have problems with the dial-up numbers in Phoenix this morning. I hate when that happens. Fortunately, it was only for 5 or so hours.

I watched Saturday Night Live last night for the first time in a while. You know? It's just not that funny anymore. In fact, there's not much humour in the country anymore. I mean true humour, not stupid bathroom humour (which has its value from time to time). I think people are scared of offending people. As soon as a comedian makes a comment about a minority, that minority goes off the deep end and makes all kinds of accusations. So we're putting restrictions on what can and can't be funny. That's ridiculous. The point of comedy is to be funny. If a comedian says something, it was meant as humour- not their way of being mean and offensive. I think people need to remember that and not take everything so seriously.

I was just listening to a Lenny Bruce file on Napster, the one where he talks about how all Broadway musicals sound the same. Right after he got done saying that, Napster played a song from "Side Show". I think my Napster has a sense of humour. Hmm.. Is humour the secret word of the day?

I'm addicted to iced tea- particularly Republic of Tea and Honest T (that delicious tea made in Bethesda). My favourite Honest Ts are Gold Rush and Moroccan Mint. I wish they sold it other places besides Maryland. Or at least be able to order it from their web site. Do they even have a web site? I can't find one. Oh well, I'll have to stick to Republic of Tea's Jade Mint Green Tea and Mango Ceylon. Gee, iced tea's a real fascinating topic.

Here's a list of flaskbacks I've had today:
Joking around with Brad during an 11:00PM dress rehearsal of the Maryland Ballet's Nutcracker.
Drinking at the Elk's Lodge with Dwaine.
Driving from Albuquerque to the Grand Canyon with Andi ("Here it Is").
Playing pool with Jennifer Dale in Hilton Head, SC.
Going to Dos Gringos after theatre class with Chris, Lisa, and Erica.
Walking around Minneapolis with Jeff.
Walking around Bethesda with Daniel.

Do other people think about this? If their life was a movie, would they think up a soundtrack? This is what I've been doing on Napster. I downloaded a bunch of songs that fit well with my life and I made a tracklist out of them and turned it into a Soundtrack album for my life-movie.

I talked to Eytan on the phone this evening for 2� hours. Now I'm gonna be up all night trying to get today's priorities finished. Not that I minded talking to him- quite the opposite, I haven't talked to him in ages and I had a lot of catching up to do on his life.

I just had 3 thoughts flash through my mind at once and now I can't remember any of them. I wish I could keep up with my brain sometimes.

Today I went to the library to find a critique of "Ike's Spies" so I can start on my paper. Well, out of the 7 critiques written, the library didn't have 3 of the publications, 1 only went back 6 months, 2 went back to the late 80's, and one was available. And it was 5 sentences long!!! How am I supposed to work with that? I feel like writing the majority of my paper as an explaination of why it's not right to have us writing a critique of a history book written in 1981. We especially shouldn't be expected to use a critique already written as something to base our paper on. It's obviously extremely difficult to find one. Also, this book is about the CIA's role in our military during and after WWII. Well, we know a lot more now than we knew in 1981 (uh, the Cold War's over). So some of the things Ambrose is writing about you're thinking, "Well, maybe that's how it looked in 1981, but we know better now." Plus we're reading this before we even begin talking about this time period in class. So the instructor can't give us current information as we're reading. Some of the information Ambrose talks about, I can see how he's wrong because of current information I have. But some things I question because I may not know for sure, but since I know some things are inaccurate, other things might be too. Anyway, that's my little rant of the day. Maybe I should have that as part of a journal entry as well- a little "Rant of the Day" kind of thing.

Ah, I remembered one of the things I was thinking about a minute ago. I wanted to tell my grandmother that to know a person you have to know more than their daily activities, you should know about their outlook on life, fears, weird habits... So I was thinking of writing some of those things about myself in my next email. Well, I started thinking about those things and started wondering what my answers would be. Without too much thought I came up with:
I don't take life too seriously.
I'm moderately conservative, politically.
I think everyone needs humour in their lives.
I'm slightly obsessive-compulsive and have a lot of annoying little rituals.
Then I realised that this list was like my 101 Things List, so I stopped making my little mental list that I was doing to pass the time during my dreadful hour ride home this afternoon.
Then I thought, you can't just list off your qualities in a neat little package, they are things someone would learn over time. I don't know what my point of all this is. Oh, I hate ending a sentence with a preposition, and I do it all the time.

Today, when all of my stocks went down and the NASDAQ dropped 112, this crappy stock I've been tracking went up 3/16.

I'm glad the new John Waters movie is finally coming out!! I think it'll even play in Phoenix since I saw a preview for it when I went to see Hamlet. Thank God for Harkins Camelview 5. I'd never see any of the less popular movies otherwise. And thank God for travel. I had to go to San Francisco to see "Hideous Kinky" (I knew it would never play here). I do love Kate Winslet.

I HATE LITTLE YAPPY DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was listening to "Fresh Air" today on public radio and they had on Craig Bierko and Rebecca Luker from "Music Man". That stupid woman who does the interviews asks the most ridiculous questions. She asked Craig if his part had any music written since it was most talking-singing. She asked if there were actual notes written. OK, I happen to know how you write those things since I know a bit about music but I can see how not everyone would. But the question is, "Who cares?". I mean, you have a limited amount of time, why ask something like that? Inquiring minds do not want to know. They want to know about him, his role, and this production. Oh well, it was fun hearing the music again. It made me realise this is the 10th anniversary (Eytan got me into this anniversary-for-every-occasion thing) of my production of "Music Man". Ten years ago there was "Pure fun" (a quote from one of the reviewers of the show) in my life. That was a happy time. I was part of a fun group where I actually felt part of the group, I had no injuries, I was talented, and the show was a success. That was a fun summer, an alcoholic summer, a learning summer- one I'll never forget.

I really should be studying for the history test tomorrow. I only know about 3 of the terms we should know (there are about 100). It's a lot of really obscure information too. He'll throw out a name, give us one sentence about him, and that's it. It helps to know some significance to help remember who they are. Otherwise it's just memorising a bunch of names with one fact each. Can I use that for my "Rant of the Day"? No, I have a better one. The fact that I'm going to just break down from all of this work. There's this history test, the paper that I have no idea how to write, I'm behind in math... There's SO MUCH math homework that I can't even do tonight since I don't really know what I'm doing. I have to go to the math lab tomorrow morning and get help. There are 68 problems and each one has several parts which will probably take a total of 10 minutes each. That's 10 hours for one night. Um... excuse me... isn't that almost impossible? I have an hour to get ready in the morning, 2 hours driving time to and from school, 4 hours in school. That's 7 hours. Then the 10 hours for math is 17 hours. I need about 2 hours for history so that's 19 total. Now, do I have time to eat? Work? Go to the bathroom? This is just absolutely ridiculous! I've been sleeping about 2-3 hours per night. That's fine for a few nights but I need some 5-6 hour nights too. I'm so tired right now. I know writing this is wasting time but I feel like if I don't get this out, I'll constantly have it on my mind distracting me from studying for history. Do I feel better now? Yes, I do. I think writing is often better than talking to someone since the words are not lost. It only takes 10-15 minutes off of my sleep time...

I got home early today since I finished my history test early (I think I did well). These tests are pretty easy. I like this guy. What a contrast to the Math Nazi!! I got a 78 on my last math test but I convinced him to give me 3 more points since I thought a lot of the points he took off was unfair. Geez, the fact that I had to do that... The reason most people are getting such low scores is because he takes off points right and left virtually for no reason (well, they're just anal reasons). He took off 2 points on one problem because I forgot to write the units used. The class average was 70- 2 A's, 4 B's, 5 C's, 7 D's, and 3 F's.

It's SO HOT today. I had to cool down my car for 10 minutes before I could drive. I've been getting blisters on my hands from the steering wheel being so hot. No, I'm not complaining- I like the heat. It just felt hotter today than normal even though it wasn't. It's been around 113 for the past two weeks.

Rant of the day: My A/C still is really loud. They came to fix it today (finally- I had to call and yell yesterday) and just left a note saying "A/C normal". Well, sorry, but I don't think it is. It wakes me up at night sometimes and I can't hear my alarm in the morning because it's so loud. Maybe it's supposed to be this loud? I've never lived in a place with central A/C long enough to notice. Or at least I don't remember. The last time I had central A/C was in '94 in Laurel. I don't remember it being loud.

I'm hoping to go see a show this weekend. Of course I always say that and never go. But I'm determined to force myself this time. I have enough crap to do this weekend that it should take most awake hours but you have to take a break at some point, right? So, that's what I'll do. Now I just have to figure out what to see. I'll know more when the Get Out comes out tomorrow. Also, this weekend I think I'm going to get together with Bill, a guy in my math class, to go over some math stuff. He seems to know what he's doing and he's really nice. He's the one dating Erica, that girl from my acting class my first semester here. She's in the math class too. Seeing her again reminds me of those times we spent during that fall semester. The times that Erica, Chris, Lisa, and I used to go out drinking after class almost every day. There, I still have a little bit of a party side (although I haven't for the past 2 years). It was pretty hard to go to my psych class after that. Somehow I would be alert for class after 4 hours of drinking in the middle of the day. In fact, I used to have fun in that class. I was pretty loud, but I always knew what I was talking about and I made the class laugh. Those were fun times. Like the night there was a good football game on and I convinced the instructor (with the help of my buddy Jaime) that she should let us go early so we could watch most of the game. I could afford to do stuff like that- I was getting all A's in that class.

I tried to write earlier but my computer froze in the middle. I was really tired when I got home today. Usually I get out of class at 2:00 and I have all these things planned that I never do since I'm too tired, hot, and hungry (today was no exception). So I didn't go to the Post Office like I was supposed to. I spent from 3:00-5:00 trying to get back to normal and wake up enough to get things done. Then at 5:00 Brie came home with 4 guys and they've all been sitting around the dining room table getting high and eating dinner. I wish I could be that carefree but I'd feel guilty about taking the time to relax before I at least got some things done.

Rant of the day: TRAFFIC IN PHOENIX!! Why, at 2:00 in the afternoon, can we only go 30 in a 45 zone? And why is this the kind of traffic report I hear at 6:00 in the morning? (paraphrasing, of course, but not embellishing) "I-17 northbound, backed up from Camelback to Greenway due to a three car pile up in the left lane. Use 27th Ave. as alternative. I-17 southbound backed up from Thunderbird to Thomas. Squaw Peak heading south slowing just past Indian School. US 60 East- 5 mile back up near Rural due to an earlier accident. Accident at Bell and 67th Ave., use Greenway as alternative and an accident at Thomas and 52nd St." This is the kind of report we should hear around 7:00 or 8:00 when, you would think, most people would be heading to work. And why is there no one heading in either direction on Tatem at 7:00 AM but at 2:30 PM it's almost bumper to bumper. I rather would sit for a little while on the Capitol Beltway at a certain time during the day and be in moving traffic the rest of the time than sitting in heavy traffic all day in Phoenix. Phoenix doesn't have a rush hour, it has 12 hours of rushiness.

I almost have a place to stay in New York. Rebecca offered to meet me there for the weekend and we could stay at her brother's and then on the weekdays, I could stay with Marcel. The only problem is that neither Rebecca nor Marcel can give a 100% guarentee on the weekend, only the weekdays are covered. Oh well, I could always stay in a hotel for 2 days, not a big deal.

I still have one arm peeling, but it only seems to peel while I'm sitting at my computer.

I'm not feeling very social tonight. Not that I ever feel social around Brie's friends. I really don't like any of her friends. They're really just a bunch of John Q. Publics and each one irritates me for a different reason. One of the guys over reminds me of a boy in my 6th grade class. He drove me nuts- agreeing with everything everyone says and having to add his two cents to every little thing mentioned or saying something really stupid and then spend the next 10 minutes trying to cover up the mistake and winds up just making it worse than it was... And this other guy, Jeff, who's over- he was over once before and there's something about him that bothers me. I can't put my finger on it, but he's just kinda creepy. Fortunately, he has never said two words to me. Having them here is keeping me in my room though, which is a good thing. I have plenty of stuff to do. I would love to go lie on the couch and watch a movie but I don't want to deal with them so I'd actually rather work alone in my room. Again, I know exactly how Bill feels when Sherry's family comes to visit and he retreats into his office to do "computer stuff".

I GOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!!!! It's about time, I was so tired!! I love Thursday nights! I slept about 7 hours! So I'm awake now but feeling a little sick- probably because I ate a croissant this morning (that was stupid).

Today, I miss driving around Christiansburg. I loved that small town. Everything was only a few minutes away and there was never any traffic. Running errands there took an hour. Running errands here takes closer to 3 hours. I miss the Revco, I miss driving by the Drive-In, I miss Rt. 603 (that was a fun road), I miss driving by cows and farms (sort of), I miss driving out towards Shawville going to the dumpsters when I missed trash day for the third time in a row. I miss things too much, I think. Probably, even though I hate driving around Phoenix, when I'm not here anymore I'll probably miss something about it.

Rant of the day: It's cricket season here (another thing I won't miss about Phoenix). I hate these damn things! They're EVERYWHERE!!! I don't mind them outside (although they are loud out there too), but when they're inside and loud and everywhere you turn... This morning I got in the shower and two minutes later there's a cricket sitting right by the drain. Scared me to death. I thought crickets don't like water. This one had no desire to move. If I could change one thing about myself it would be the way I deal with bugs. I hate admitting that I have a bug phobia. I can't touch them- alive or dead. The only way I can get rid of them is to spray and vacuum. And if the bug is on the ceiling, I just leave it there. See, I do have a feminine quality. Why does it have to be that one though? Can't I be a shop-a-holic instead? Or have the need to go to the bathroom in pairs?

I reserved a ticket to Stagebrush's "1940's Radio Hour" for tonight. I figured if I reserved a ticket, then I'd have to go. I really want to go, it's just that I always get caught up with things here and never manage to get out of the apartment. Now I just have to hope that it's good. But before I can go without feeling guilty, I have a ton of math to catch up on!!!

What else? Hm. Not much going on right now. I don't even have a rant of the day since it's so early, nothing's happened yet. Perhaps I can write one later.

Ok, here's my Rant of the day: Why don't people go to the theatre anymore? Young people, I mean. The only people at the theatre where I was tonight were people over 65. I know this is Scottsdale, but this is still a typical audience, especially for community theatre. The few young people who do go to see shows only seem to go to the big hits either on Broadway or to the theatres that have the big touring companies. When did people stop going? I know a lot of people stopped going when movies got popular but people still went to both for a while. When did theatre become really unpopular? The other problem with audiences (besides their age) is that they don't know good from bad. If a show has some spectacular act or pretty dancing girls, they're happy. "1940's Radio Hour" was okay tonight, but it wasn't great. It started off slow and got better. The acting was pretty poor but they made up for it in energy and musical talent. The audience, however, loved it. It had songs that were familliar, pretty smiling girls, and a few good laughs- what more could you want? And for a smaller rant... why can't I ever find anyone who will go to shows with me? It's hard enough to find people to do anything with, but theatre's especially hard. Eytan's the only person who will go with me (only a consistant basis). My idea of a great evening is to meet someone at a theatre, see a show, and then have dinner and drinks afterward. I wish more people felt this way.

Rant of the day: COPS!!!!!!! Why are they such arrogant bastards? I was driving on Tatum, making a left turn onto Greenway when the light started to turn yellow. I went into the intersection ready to turn and a truck heading the opposite way decided to run the light and hit me in the process. There were three witnesses (nice people, who decided to do the right thing and stop in case they could be of any help) and they all said the other guy was obviously at fault. The cop took their names and numbers and then they left. The other guy and I stood there for 15 minutes while the cops did whatever they do during that period of time. Then they told the man he could leave. Then I had to stand out in the 112� heat while they did more of whatever they do. Then he gave me a ticket and said I had three options. One, pay the fine and have the accident on my record. Two, go to driving school and have it wiped off the record. Three, fight it in court. I really want to fight it in court since I know it wasn't my fault (and I have three witnesses saying the same thing). Can I fight it in court, and then if I don't get off, then go to driving school? I'll have to ask the insurance guy tomorrow. So I'm fine, my car gets towed. So now I'm on my way down to the airport to rent a car (fortunately they're open 24 hours). The woman on the phone said it should be okay but I might have a problem with my driving record (why has no one ever asked me this before when renting a car? I didn't tell her that I was in an accident and that's the reason I need a car.). Why couldn't she tell me on the phone? Because she was in another state and couldn't access my driving record (what do we have computers for?). There are so many things I should worry about but I can't think about them all right now. I have to just take one problem at a time and try to solve each one in the order they are presented. I can't worry about a problem that will occur in a few days- there's nothing I can do about it now. Right now I'm just so pissed at the cop. He was SO RUDE!!!!!!!!! Why, when ever it's obviously not my fault, do people in authority decide it is? I have a math test tomorrow morning that I was going to finish studying for tonight. I'm in no shape to study right now. But I know when I go and tell my math teacher the story, he won't care. Any normal, rational person would tell me I can take the test on Tuesday. So I'm faced with people who have more power than me making my life difficult. I'm sorry, I don't have time to deal with your power-tripping bullshit. Supershuttle should be here soon, I'll write more when I get back. I just wanted to jot down a few things while it was fresh in my mind.

OK, it's now 9:45 and I'm back from the airport with a Chevy Malibu. I've always wondered about these cars. I had it in the back of my mind to go test drive one, one day. Now I don't have to. So far, I really like it. It has good pick up and good visibility. Not that I'll be needing a new car (mine better be worth fixing). Now I really want to move to New York, then I won't have to deal with driving every day. I hate driving. There are so many stupid people on the road and I get blamed. It's really not fair (I know, life isn't fair). I should be lucky I'm alive. And I am thankful for that. I don't even think I'm hurt, although I am still a little bit in shock, I think. Either that or I'm just dehydrated, I can't tell. One thing I do know is that I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm still shaken up and there's no way I can study for math right now. Or maybe I can, I don't know. But why take a chance on doing badly after I put all this effort into studying this material? I'll just call him tomorrow morning and tell him that I was just in an accident (that way, there's more of a chance he'll be civil and let me take it Tuesday). I wish I didn't have to miss history but I really don't feel like driving all the way there just for a history class. Fortunately, I'm sure I can just get tomorrow's notes from the guy in my math class who's in the history class as well.

So earlier today, before my accident, I went to Bill's house to study with him and Shelby. We got a lot done. After Shelby left, Bill and I sat around and talked for a while. He's a great guy.

As most people tend to do after something bad happens in their lives, I have the question, why? Why did this have to happen? I do think everything happens for a reason. What's the reason for this? Why do I have such bad luck with cars? It's never my fault, yet I get blamed. Ugh, I might as well live in Jersey where everyone's at fault all the time. So why did this accident happen? I'm always a careful driver (ever since my accident in '97), so it couldn't be a warning. I've been a good person recently, so it can't be punishment. Isn't there a book, "When bad things happen to good people"? I think I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time (or really the right place at the wrong time). Maybe I drive so much more than the average person that I get hit more than the average person? No, I think I just have bad luck. I still can't get over the fact that the cop ruled it my fault. I can't wait to talk to the insurance guy tomorrow to find out about the going to court/driving school thing. Ok, I have to relax. I think I'll go watch a movie. Please let me pick one that doesn't have any car accidents or wreckless driving.

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