January

Yes, I'm still alive. Life's been pretty obnoxious to me in the past few weeks. Hopefully I'll have time to write about it when I get home, but here are some of the highlights: a bad cold, a scratched cornea, a sliced toe, a bruised leg, 3 separate incidents with cops (no, I wasn't even close to doing anything wrong), lost luggage, no car rentals available anywhere... No, I'm not home yet- got stuck with working in MD this week. I'll be heading home on the 21st. That leaves me 2 days to reorganise everything in my life before classes start, so I probably won't be updating this site until maybe the following weekend (I also have a ton of Hawaii pictures to go through and put up here as well- no clue how any of them came out since I didn't have much eyesight on the trip- more on that when I have time).

Okay, time to try to see if the notes I took over the past month make enough sense to write about.

End of December: I had a really bad cold, but I was determined to go down to Virginia, so I dragged myself down there on the 30th. I didn't feel great during the drive, so I stopped in the middle at one point when I felt kind of faint. Between the 30 minute stop and the 2.5 hours to get out of the DC area (insane traffic on the Beltway that morning- I've said it before, you couldn't pay me enough to commute in the DC Metropolitan area), it took almost 7 hours instead of the typical 4 hours. But I made it. And I had a nice few days. The day I left, I woke up with major eye pain. I left anyway, but 20 minutes into the ride, it hurt too much to keep my eyes open, so I went to an emergency clinic in Salem. When I signed in and they took my information, they already had my name and one of my former addresses. I thought that was really strange until I figured out that it was the place where the ambulance took me after my accident in '97. Anyway, it turned out that I had a scratched cornea which would take 2 weeks to heal. Fortunately it was in my left eye, which I can barely see out of, so I could still see well enough with my right contact still in my eye. Somehow I managed to deal with the pain and only using my right eye to drive from Salem to College Park in 5.5 hours (there was a lot of traffic too, which didn't help)- the ride should have taken about 3.5 hours. The eye stopped hurting after 2 days, but wearing my glasses during most of the 2 weeks was exhausting and wearing only the right contact for too long isn't a good idea since I would get used to never using my left eye at all. I may not use it much, but I use it enough to notice a difference when not using it at all. So my perception was so off for 2 weeks. That's why I wound up walking into things and hurting myself (more on that later). I also had a constant headache and some nausea each day after a few hours of being awake from the struggle of constantly having to learn where everything was every day (it really didn't help being away from home during this time).

The day before we left for Hawaii, I was feeling like crap (it's exhausting having to learn how to see differently- having to learn where things are, how large or small steps are...), Neil got diagnosed with shingles (fortunately he caught it early so it wasn't really painful), and Maxine got some anti-biotics to prevent bronchitis. The day we left, Abby got sick in the shuttle on the way to the airport and got sick a few times on the plane too (she couldn't even keep the medicine down). For me, not being able to read on the long flights was so frustrating- all I could do was sit in silence for 11 hours, and I did manage to doze on and off a little. The Hawaii trip got off to a lovely start.

We got to the hotel, and the doors were locked. Forauntely, there was a cleaning guy inside- we caught his attention, and he called someone to let us in. I guess they're not used to having people check in late at night (I think it was around 11:00, since we were able to take the tram to our room, and the tram shuts down at midnight). That night, I slept for 2, 20 minute segments and then got up for the day around 4:00 AM. That was a long day with poor eyesight- no reading, no walking around and looking at things... And I couldn't deal with the sun at all. Walking outside for 5 minutes gave me major pain for an hour. That day was spent hanging out at the resort. To those of you thinking about going to the Hilton Waikoloa, I'd recommend finding somewhere else. The staff was beyond unhelpful (some were completely nasty). Their favourite answer to a question was "I don't know" or they gave wrong information and they always acted like you were bothering them and they were doing you a huge favour by being willing to talk to you. Most of the food was inedible (I had a soup that tasted like they pulled the broth out of the sea and didn't bother boiling it). And then we found roaches in our room- that was lovely. I've always heard from everyone that Hawaii's expensive. I don't think it's very expensive (most things cost what they do here), but things at the resort were ridiculously expensive and not worth even a fraction of the cost (like the food and drinks).

The 2nd night, I blacked out for a second and wound up in bed by 9:00 and was asleep by 9:30. Even Neil was up later than I was (only because he had to take his medicine at 10:00). Not a good night.

The next day was pretty awful. I woke up from a nightmare and was completely congested. Both ears were clogged until late afternoon, even with the Sudafed. Do most people really get relief from medication? I've been taking several things recently (for the headaches, nausea, and the cold) that haven't helped a bit. We rented a van for a few days and that day went to a nearby beach. Now I don't like beaches to begin with, but with my eye issue, it was awful. The constant changing of terrain made it impossible for me to learn how to get around. I was getting used to the dizziness and nausea, but that day was particularly bad. Plus the sun was still an issue. Neil, Maxine, and Abby played on the beach and I stayed in a shady area of the park with Maxine's mother and sister. After the beach, we went to Costco. Yuck. The place was packed with cheap junk and mobs of tourists. The shopping centre also included a Home Depot and a Subway- so much for local fare. We also stopped by the King Shops before the beach. I tried to get lunch at the Japanese restaurant there, which looked rather good, but they didn't do carry-out. Figures. So I had a tasteless fish sandwich instead from the fish and chips shop. It was still better than the food at the resort though.

Oh, I forgot to mention that one morning during breakfast at the resort, 2 indoor birds (you couldn't get away from all the animals at this place) decided to shit on me (one on my head and one on my leg which I didn't notice until I wiped my hand in it). Just one more pleasant experience.

The dynamics of our group was rough for me. With my eye issue, I couldn't do much on my own, so I had to just go along with whatever everyone else wanted to do. I was stuck for way too many hours listening to everyone bickering, which was a fairly constant thing- a lot of it was Maxine and her mother and sister complaining about something Neil was or wasn't doing. The other thing that drove me nuts was Maxine's constant contradictions. Every sentence (literally) out of my mouth was argued. It got to the point that for a few days, I just stopped talking for a while. I mean, one day it was raining cats and dogs and extremely windy- many trees were completely bent to the ground because of the wind. I told Maxine what the weather was like, and she disagreed with me. I told her to look out the window, and she finally conceded that it "was a little windy". That was closest she came to an agreement.

I now have a note in my notebook that I wanted to write something positive. I couldn't come up with anything personally positive, but I wrote that Neil, Maxine, and Abby were all healthier and that Paula and Harvey's business is doing well (Harvey got some good stuff that week).

The next day, I put in my right contact because we were going to Volcanoes National Park, and I was hoping to see a little better there. Once I got used to the change in vision, I could see much better than with the glasses (I guess it was worth ruining my left eye a little more for that). We woke up insanely early for the long journey. First we stopped in Hilo. Downtown Hilo was my favourite part of the whole trip (finally, something personally positive). It was a unique little area with an extensive farmer's market (which had not only produce and flowers but clothing and crafts and other local things as well), a cute local bookstore, a cafe with good huevos rancheros (finally had something decent to eat), and gorgeous surrounding scenery (including a nice waterfall, which I appreciate now from my pictures more than I did when I was there- in fact, looking at my pictures [the ones that came out- not being able to see well made for some really bad shots), I could see how things really looked). Volcanoes National Park was okay- a lot of it was wasted on me though, with my lack of depth perception- the craters looked like flat ground.

The other thing that drove me crazy with this group was that, whenever we got somewhere, everyone went off in separate directions without a meeting time or place. That made for a lot of waiting around. I normally wouldn't have minded waiting around, since I could have read or written or looked around at things myself, but with my eye issue, that wasn't possible. I was thinking about learning braille, but that seemed like something that would have been difficult on my own and with not being able to really see the English translations, if there was a book for sighted people learning it, so I gave up and just spent a lot of time waiting around. I spent a lot of time doing nothing- on the planes, while trying to fall asleep, waiting for the group, in the car...). And I couldn't really work either, so I just gave up on that.

On our second to last day on the Big Island, we went to Kona after the rain slowed down (it was either raining or pouring all day and night). Kona was a typical beach town. And typical me- everything there that I was interested in was closed. For dinner, we went back to the King Shops. Everyone was going to the steakhouse, and I was going to the Japanese restaurant by myself for the soba soup I wanted to try the other day for our carry-out lunch. Well... they didn't do the soup at dinner. Again, typical me. So I joined everyone else at the steakhouse for more crappy food (it wasn't just me- no one really thought it was good- no one liked the food at the resort either- even Maxine, who likes most things).

After dinner that night, I lost it. It was a combination of remembering reality & everything I wasn't getting done, my growing difficulty of our group dynamics, and the current state of our country. I was glad it was pouring when we got back to the resort, so I could be alone outside for a little while- not a soul in sight- I really needed that alone time- I even found a little overhang in the middle of the resort so I didn't have to stand out in the cold rain for too long.

On our last day there, I found out I was going to be needed in Maryland for work, starting on the 18th. I was really looking forward to being home already, but oh well. At least I would have my eyesight by then- it would have basically been impossible for me to do it otherwise.

[the verb tenses in this entry are confusing me- looking at my notes in one tense, translating them to another tense, and when writing about something on the 10th that would happen on the 18th is extra confusing since both of those dates are now in the past]

On the 11th, we flew to Maui. Kaanapali Alii, where we stayed, was packed! I think everyone else in my group liked it, but it was so not my thing- a crowded beach area with tacky shops and restaurants. Although the people staying in this area were slightly less irritating than the people staying at the resort.

Dealing with changing my travel arrangements to add the extra Maryland leg of the trip was not easy. First, when I tried to change the rental car reservation, they told me that they didn't have any cars at Dulles (or anywhere else in the area) until the 17th (I was getting in on the 15th). And this time, it wasn't just me. I found out that Harvey had the same problem in Williamsburg and someone else had a problem somewhere else (don't remember those details). Are people renting more cars or are car rental places stocking fewer cars? Probably both. Then I called my opthamologist to see if I could a. schedule an appointment to check on my eye and have a general appointment while I was in town and b. order a new pair of contacts because although I have some at home, I needed a new pair for the week I was going to be in Maryland since my eye would have healed by then. Well, getting in touch with that office is next to impossible. I played phone tag, which was really fun in a place where my cell phone was hit and miss, and finally got to talk to someone 2 days later who told me I couldn't get an appointment but they did have a pair of contacts available (that was really the more important point- I can try and schedule an appointment for another time- my eye feels like it's healed, so I think it's okay going unchecked).

I wrote this on the 11th:
I've been having all kinds of nightmares- snakes, fish, being unprepared for a performance... I can't even get peace during sleep. I can't wait to get home.

I wrote that just before I sliced in between my toes on a glass door. First, I spent 30 minutes trying to pull out the sofa bed at the condo where we were staying. It did not want to budge. I wound up pulling over the entire sofa, which wound up hurting my knee. I finally finished that task, and while walking over to get the pillows, I sliced my toe. Ouch!!!!! Good thing the slice went more down in between my toes than across, since it was my little toe, and the length of the cut would have gone all the way across the toe, and it was pretty deep. But intead the cut went down next to the toe and then across about a third of the way. So my toe is still intact- now there's just a scar.

The next day, we took a shuttle to Lahaina, another typical beach town. There, I got the most horrific ocular migraine. I tried to sit and rest in a chair at an art gallery (that's where we were when it started), but the guy working there asked me to leave. Everyone in my group had left and were going to meet me at the gallery when they were finished walking around, so I stood outside the gallery for an hour before they showed up. The worst of it lasted an hour, and it took 3-4 hours to get back to normal. It also came with a pounding headache that lasted 3 hours. Something really wanted me to not enjoy this trip as much as possible. It wasn't bad enough that I didn't have enough eyesight to go off by myself, hiking or spelunking or just going somewhere to get away from the tourists- I had to deal with other nonsense as well. This way, the trip was: difficult and irritating day- rinse, repeat, for a week and a half.

After a late night that night, we got up the next day at 5:00 to do the Road to Hana. First, we had a crappy breakfast with rude service in Paia at Charley's. Then we did the long and winding road to Hana. Again, I couldn't really appreciate the beauty. Looking at the pictures now, it looks prettier than seeing it in person. Then between my eye issue, a little motion sickness, and bad menstrual cramps, I felt so sick for the last hour of the ride to Hana that I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and didn't see anything for the last part of the journey. We stopped for lunch in Hana and then spent a brief amount of time at a WINDY beach (the wind throwing the sand could be pretty painful- I like the picture I took of Delphine, wrapped up in her straw mat to keep the wind out- no clue when I'll put up the pictures- I'll have to deal with half of them at school since they're on a disc and my CD ROM is out of order). The ride back was even more tricky than the ride there, since there were a lot of cars heading the opposite direction (the guidebooks mention the 50 one-lane bridges but fail to mention that the rest of the road is barely 2 lanes) and the sun was setting and in our eyes. Wish I could have helped Maxine with some of the driving- I love those kinds of roads (although I'm not sure I would have loved it as much in our rented van). That night, we had a crappy dinner with really bad service in Lahaina. Both the waitress and the manager lied to us when we talked to them about our problems. The few problems would have been bad enough without all the lies on top of them. Just another example of the ever increasing people-will-no-longer-take-responsibility-for-their-mistakes issue.

My last night in Hawaii, I took a slow walk on a flat path near the condo- I needed some alone time. I wound up trying to write a little bit:
I don't like the idea that I basically just wasted 10 days (8 days here and 2 travel days) in this place (yes, I would have had the eye issue at home, but at home I could have listened to music, listened to movies, talked on the phone, known where everything was so I didn't bump into anything...), so I'm spending tonight trying to think of what was worth it. I saw (as much as I can see) some stars, had some nights away from NYC traffic (although Neil's snoring interrupted the quiet at times), enjoyed my 20 minutes in downtown Hilo, and now I can say I've been to every state except Alaska (wonder when I'll get there). Okay, my eyes hurt- time to stop writing.
And 2 minutes after I closed my notebook, it started pouring. So I had to walk slowly back to the condo in the pouring rain. I got back to the room cold and wet and proceeded to walk down the hallway and into the glass table against the wall (the eyesight issue was causing lots of other issues). That gave me a small puncture from where the corner hit my hip and a huge bruise on most of my leg from the rest of the table (it's healing but still noticeable).

The next day, I got to leave. The flight from Kahului to LAX went smoothly and even landed early. But wait. We just landed early. That didn't mean we got to the gate and were able to get off the plane early. We landed 15 minutes before the scheduled time and got off the plane 25 minutes after the scheduled landing time. That left me 10 minutes to use the restroom and hopefully get something to eat before boarding the plane to Dulles. Restroom- no problem. Food- yes problem. I knew from our 4 hour layover at LAX on the way there, that the termial only had snacks at the newsstand, Burger King, Starbucks, and Chili's. I figured I could get a muffin or protein bar at Starbucks. Not happening. The lines for all places were a million people long. No way could I get something in 5 minutes. So I just went to the gate and hoped there would be something somewhat edible on the plane. Nope. They didn't have any food service on the 5 hour, coast-to-coast flight other than the 6 pretzels they give you with your shot-glass-sized beverage. I tried to fall asleep, but that didn't happen. On the whole plane, the only guy with his reading light on was the guy next to me. He also felt the need to rustle his newspaper non-stop for almost the whole flight. I tried to talk to him about being more quiet, but he either didn't, or pretended not to, speak English.

And to have a perfect end to a perfect trip, my luggage didn't come off the carousel when I arrived at Dulles (first time that ever happened to me, although other that International flights, I don't usually check my luggage). It was 6:30 AM, and with no sleep and my poor eyesight, I was sure I just missed it. But I waited until there was just one suitcase left, and it wasn't mine. The woman who took my information at the baggage claim says it usually comes in on the next flight and arrives at your door within 4 hours after arrival. When it didn't arrive by the time I was going to go to sleep, I called them to see if they would just leave it by the door. They told me to leave a signed note saying where to leave the bag. I left a note by the front and side doors. At 2:00 AM, they called to say they were outside. Thanks a bunch. Oh well, at least I got it.

Work in Maryland was tiring but mostly good. What was not good were the loud people at the Holiday Inn where I was staying- yelling at all hours of the night and early morning. People seem to be more inconsiderate when staying at hotels. In fact, people seem to be more inconsiderate in public places in general than they used to be- restrooms are dirtier, people take up 2-3 seats on a train when others have to stand, people don't pay attention to where they're walking or worse, driving... My off-the-top-of-my-head theory is that because we're getting further and further away from any sense of community and rarely see the same people on a regular basis, people don't feel the need to be as considerate to the strangers they see as they would be around people they'll see again. Plus, it might have something to do with how generic everything is these days. When I go to a small, local cafe, people are more considerate there than they are at a Starbucks. They're in a generic place of business, looking like a generic customer that no one would recognise again (unless they did something extreme), so maybe they feel they don't need to be considerate. And I'm sure it's not a conscious thing (few things are, unfortunately- people don't often think about how or why they do or don't do things), but I think it's getting really obnoxious. Anyone else been feeling this way?

Anyway, so now I'm home.

And in good news: my cell phone mostly works in my apartment now (guess they added more towers around here). It's amazing to be able to talk on the phone and not have 3 dropped calls in 10 minutes.

I also bought a new cordless home phone- maybe I'll have better luck with this one than I had with the last 3.

The best thing since I've been home was getting soba soup at Delmonico's yesterday. So nice to have something in my neighbourhood that I like (yes, I'm prepared for it to go away like everything else good around here). Too bad they only have it during lunch Monday-Friday.

School's basically what I expected- obnoxious nonsense. And they're really getting obsessive about writing (I'm not sure if this is strictly CUNY enforced or partially the theatre department being particularly obsessed). This semester, not only do we have more writing assignments (like we didn't already have enough), now we have to submit all our papers through Turn it In and print out the report it gives us. Among other things, the report gives a percentage of how many words are our own and how many are from other sources. We have to have less than 4% from other sources. Not sure how that works with direct quotations. Guess I'll find out soon as I have a paper due next Monday.

As was pointed out to me by airport security, I need to renew my driver's license soon. Not sure when I'll make the time to do that. I also need to make several doctor's appointments (eye, gyn, and derm) soon. Not sure when I'll do those things either. Otherwise, I'm all reorganised from my month away (only took about 28 hours) and things are back to normal (lack of work, no lack of traffic, broken electronics, no heat in my bedroom the day I got back...). But I am happy to be home. And happy to be alone. And I'm sleeping better than I did for the past month (Hawaii was especially sleep-deprived).

Spent a lot of time reading the news today- didn't mean to take that much time- hopefully I can still get everything done that I need to today without getting to sleep too late. I got to sleep late last night (this morning)- the traffic was keeping me up for a while, but I think I finally got to sleep around 5:00 AM.

On and off I think about the big picture of the world: how we know about things in the past and what it means to us and how it might have meant something completely different at the time of the event because of different cultural values or how the story was passed down or what was learned in hindsight- how people think changes over time, both individually and as a group- stories will change because of cognitive dissonance or fuzzy memories or conscious revision... That's why I like to look at things from as many points of view as possible- so I can try to come as close to a truthful conclusion as possible. And on a personal level, I think that's partially why I keep a journal- so I can record my thoughts at the time and then to look back and see how my recollection or opinions of something has changed.

Neil called today, and he mentioned Jay. That reminded me that I think the last time I talked to him was last New Years (the one before this past one). I think I'll go call him now before I get caught up in anything else.

Yesterday was nice- I got to stay home all day and everything I did went smoothly. Finally. I so needed a day like that.

I talked to Jay for an hour last night. He may be unreliable and selfish, but conversations with him are always easy. And he kept me informed of the Maryland game he was watching when I called. Oh right, college basketball. I watched 30 seconds of a Maryland game when I was in Baltimore and went to a Women's Hokie game when I was in Virginia. Will that be the extent of my watching this season or do I have any bit of interest left in college hoops?

Today was a long day- Mondays are always going to be like this until the end of the semester. Tomorrow will be a long day of running all over the city. Fortunately, some of it will be in the Village. I'm planning on picking up a couple movies at TLA while I'm in the area- then I'll just have to hope I can make the time to watch them (and will have to find time to return them)- it's going to be a busy week on the school front- fortunately (and unfortunately), not too much is happening on the work front right now.

I felt light-headed today whenever I walked anywhere. Sitting I was fine. That was a new one for me.

Got my driver's license renewal information in the mail today. I think I might try to get an appointment with Dr. Billig on President's Day (hopefully he works that day). Then I can get the eye test for the license done there (and I'd really like a general appointment anyway) and skip renewing my license in person. Plus, Brian and Rebecca are having a party that weekend, so I could go to that as well (and hopefully stay with them too). I'll figure out the details on Wednesday.

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