December

About the site of the day: Paula told me about it when I was visiting for Thanksgiving. She said it's useful to see how different Congressional participants are voting so you know who to pay attention to (especially in your home state), and there are sidebars with people you can contact to voice your opinion, and sometimes he lists legislators you can contact if you want to weigh in on an upcoming bill. So for now, this is what I'll keep up on until I have time to take more serious action on issues in this country.

About the first article: the amount of public transportation issues the northeast has had recently is ridiculous. Once a week, there's a fire or the power lines are down or a train derails... But money keeps going to highways rather than to fixing the deteriorating infrastructure of our public transportation. GM really made a mess of things when they did heavy lobbying in the 50s to make (and keep) this country automobile obsessed.

Paula and Harvey made it to London, no thanks to the airlines/airport. Their flight was cancelled, so they had to take a different airline, which meant getting a one-way ticket. And we all know that one-way ticket buyers are all terrorists, so they got extra searched (and in a very harassing way). Makes me really look forward to my next flight (in January). Maybe they can at least get rid of the breast exam searches before then.

Had my MRI. The hardest part was trying to understand one of women giving me instructions (she had a thick Caribbean accent). I asked her to repeat herself a few times but still didn't understand. So I figured I'd do what I thought she said and then she'd tell me if I did something wrong. Anyway, I waited 1.5 hours for a 20 minute procedure. But the procedure was painless (even the injection part- although, my arm is really sore now). The 2 side effects of the injection are lightheadedness and nausea. I may have the former (although that could just be my normal situation) and definitely have the latter (fortunately I haven't puked yet). And I felt faint during the procedure, so maybe if it is something in my brain, feeling as I did will help make it obvious when they're reading the scans. I have no idea what I'm talking about, but it sounds like that would make sense. But hopefully the scans will show nothing wrong. That will still leave me in the dark, but at least I'll know my brain's okay. That scares me more than most ailments, having something wrong with my brain.

The neurologist called yesterday to tell me my MRI was normal. So I don't have to go see him next week, and I get a couple hours of my time back for other things. Now I just need to figure out how to not feel faint.

We will be having a final research paper rather than a final exam for visual elements. And being the obnoxious guy that he is, our instructor said he can't accept the paper early and will only take it on December 23rd (can anyone give me a reason why he would do that other than just to be obnoxious? if anything, he should want them earlier so he doesn't have to grade 25 papers in 24 hours). So one of the women in the class offered to give him my paper on the 23rd so I can leave town earlier than the 24th. Hopefully that will be okay with Mr. Power Trip.

This afternoon, I got started on the research for the final paper. I do love research. Spending 4 hours at the library (especially a research library) is my idea of a good time. Just wish they had longer and more convenient hours. Tuesday-Saturday, 12-6 (and Thursday till 8) and being closed Sunday and Monday isn't my idea of convenient. Don't know when I'll be able to go back (I need about 5-6 more hours). I have a feeling this paper will write itself, since I just need to present facts, not opinions/arguements.

Complete opposite for my critical analysis paper. I don't even know what play I'm going to do yet, let alone how to go about writing it (plus I'll need to find a few sources on my subject). I'll start on that first thing tomorrow morning.

Did really well on Jeopardy last night and tonight. I answered about 3/4 of the questions correctly both nights.

Now I've done some online Christmas shopping. Getting some of this obnoxiousness over with is a good thing, but I still have some problem people I need to figure out soon.

There were cops with huge guns near Bloomingdales yesterday. One of them needed to be a little more careful with his gun- it was pointing right at me when I walked by.

I am having an extremely difficult time with this analysis paper. I went through every play I knew well enough, then I searched for articles on those plays. Nada. Or at least I didn't find anything that fit with what I could write about. I'm still working on trying to find stuff on "Glengarry Glen Ross", but I needed a little break first. This is ridiculous. I've been working on this for about 5 hours. I had hoped I'd be taking notes by now, not still trying to find something to write about. I hate spending this much time on a paper. It shouldn't be this difficult.

Traffic's particularly obnoxious today. Holiday shoppers?

Have I mentioned recently how much I detest holiday shopping and consumerism in general? ;) Not only do I not understand the impulse to constantly buy things, I don't understand why people are satisfied with the available products. Why don't people mind seeing the same crap over and over? And in mass quantities? I find it all repulsive.

On that note, I should get back to work.

At around 1:00 AM, I finally started figuring out what I can do with my critical analysis paper (I decided on "The Shape of Things" and will prove why his message wasn't as strong as it could have been). Now I just need to find out if I can use reviews and an interview for sources since there isn't even one mention of this play in any scholarly journal. But even if I can use reviews, they won't really help me supplement my arguement. But maybe I can stretch far enough to link a few things. At least I now have an idea of where to go with this thing. But why does it always take me so long to get to that point?

Tonight I also dealt with the mail, organised my finances, and cleaned the apartment. I feel more on top of things now. I love when I get third winds at night- that hasn't happened in a while.

I wish I didn't spend so much time contemplating the point (not the meaning) of life. I don't get anywhere in my thinking other than to remind myself how pointless it seems. But since I can't continue through it blindly, I want to try to solve some things. But maybe I should try harder to accept that there is no point and solving most things is impossible. I haven't figured out yet how to make my life more bearable, and I do a lot of thinking about that, so maybe I just need to stop trying to make things better. I know I wrote about this a few weeks ago, but then I went to Maine and got reminded that sometimes things are enjoyable. That seemed to make me want to try to get those feelings on a more regular basis. I know part of the problem is a lack of time. Maybe when I have more time, I can try to figure out how to find more enjoyable things in my life, but as long as I'm in school, I need to accept a miserable experience (and I need to see if I can keep myself in denial about how useless an undergraduate degree is). How luck figures into all of this, I have no idea. Having decent luck in Maine helped make things better. Was it coincidence that I had both good luck and enjoyable things in Maine, or is there some kind of correlation between those 2 things? I don't understand how there can be a correlation, so it must be coincidence.

Have I mentioned that my arm is still sore from the MRI needle? Speaking of my issue, Paula thought my problem may be inner ear imbalance. So I'll be checking on that sometime tomorrow (technically later today) during a break from work.

I wonder if part of people's problems with understanding (or not understanding, as the case may be) things is that most people believe the first thing they read/hear, even though that information may be wrong or make no sense at all. But people don't take the time to find other information that may be more accurate and/or admit that the information they first had was wrong.

I hate traffic! Sometimes I think there's a sign in the intersection that says, "Honk if you like keeping people from sleeping".

On that note, time to go try to fall asleep with the Philip Glass on Crack symphony blaring outside.

Okay, now the visual elements instructor decided to hold a last class on the 23rd. Why? Because he can. I tried to talk to him after class about what would happen if I didn't show up, and all he said was that I had to be there. I want to try to talk to him one more time to see if I can reason with him at all. I know it's impossible to reason with unreasonable people, but I just feel like I have to try. It really srews up my schedule to not be able to leave until the 24th. I tried to talk to him in his office today, but he wasn't there when I got there. I'll try again on Wednesday, and if that doesn't work, I'll try again to talk to him after class on Thursday. I really can't stand this guy. He's not a teacher, he's a power-tripping bully who likes to treat people horribly. Just as an example: today he wanted to organise all the drafting we've done over the semester. He had them all in one pile and wanted a few students to separate everything by people's names. Some students started to do that, but it was taking a while (organising 5 drafts per person takes time with 25 people in the class). After a few minutes, he started complaining about how long it was taking and said it shouldn't be that difficult (he complained about 5 different times in a few minutes). So he told us just to go through them one by one and hand them out to everyone. That was still taking a little bit of time, so then he complained about that, telling us all how incompetent we were. He usually tells us we're incompetent idiots several times per class. He also will make fun of someone for giving a wrong answer, and then someone else will give the same answer and he'll tell them that it was a perfect answer. He also changes his mind about what we'll be doing way too often. Example: a couple weeks ago, he told us to bring our books to every class. We only used them once since then. I'm not lugging that heavy thing around anymore- he can yell if he wants to. And he's just plain obnoxious. One student handed him a paper with a spot of water on it, and he yelled at her that he wouldn't accept it and to never hand him anything that had food or drink on it again. And then of course there's the issue of the final. Oh, and I haven't learned much of anything all semester. Good thing I'm not interested in design. Makes me really look forward to his lighting class next semester.

Whereas our play analysis instructor is the complete opposite. He's so nice. I talked to him today about the issue of my lack of sources on the play I chose, and he said to just write the paper without worrying about sources. That should help me out a bit (although I still don't have much of a paper- I'll work on it some more tomorrow).

I finally got paid by 2 companies from whom I'd been expecting money. It's getting harder and harder to get paid by anyone, so any amount I see amazes me (which shouldn't be the case, but that's the way it is these days). Just in time to pay for all the Christmas gifts I had to get.

I enjoyed the freezing/windy/gloomy day today. The freezing rain is causing more obnoxious traffic of course, but I still liked being wet and freezing during all my commuting. I guess it fit with my mood.

I needed a break from my paper. It's coming along slowly. I've read the play a few times, taken some notes, and have a thesis. Now I just need to figure out how to flesh it out.

Had an ocular migraine last night.

But I did get 6 hours of sleep. That was nice. Although I was exhausted for the first few hours after I woke up. It's also still really gloomy- that's probably not helping my energy level.

Nasty, nasty traffic all day today! There was even a traffic cop in my intersection (from about 1-2 this afternoon), but he was so bad at his job, it didn't help a bit.

I just called the library to set up appointments to view the videos for my research paper. I have a 2 hour appointment on Wednesday before class and a 1 hour appointment on Thursday after class. I'm cutting it close on the timing both days, so hopefully transportation won't screw me up (I'm not getting my hopes up, considering the poor reliability of transportation these days).

Last night before falling asleep, I was thinking about my time in school. I may hate our educational system and writing papers and most of the instructors, but there is one thing I've liked about it. The actual learning. Urban growth problems, how the brain functions, various cultures throughout history... all fascinating stuff. And even if I don't learn much in the actual class, they still got me questioning and researching things on my own. Of course I can think of better ways than school to do this (I've learned more during the times I wasn't in school through reading and research and travel), but at least I've enjoyed some of what I've learned. Now if only there was something one could do with an undergraduate degree (other than get a masters) so these years of torture aren't completely useless.

Also last night, I thought a lot about business and the nature of how things are run in this country. Everything is about marketing. Everything. Including non-profit organisations, educational institutions... The whole point is how much money can be made and what clever marketing gimics we can come up with. More time and money is spent on marketing than perfecting the product or service. So everything is going downhill, but we are more aware of the product/service. And that seems to be good enough for people. If they see a lot of advertising, they buy it. I guess they don't pay attention to quality. And for non-business things (like schools, libraries, museums...), where the people running them should really want quality to take precedence over anything else, it really bothers me how much they're deteriorating.

Okay, back to "The Shape of Things".

Last night, I walked the 10 blocks from the library to the bus stop in the freezing rain and extreme winds. Then I got to wait 40 minutes for the bus (usually that wait is about 5-10 minutes at the most). Then it took 25 minutes for the bus to go the 2 miles to get me home. I got home and had to deal with 2 little things before I could deal with the main thing I was planning on doing last night. So I finally got started on that almost 2 hours after I had planned on it. Which cut off 2 hours of my sleep time. Which turns out didn't matter because traffic wasn't planning on letting me sleep much at all.

I dozed on and off in between extreme traffic noise all morning (from about 4:00 to 10:00). I think the longest I slept was an hour (between 5:00 and 6:00). The rest of the time, I listened to traffic. And the traffic has been absolutely obnoxious all day (traffic's so heavy, it takes emergency vehicles 3-5 minutes to get across my block- and there are emergency vehicles every few minutes- including 10 cop cars at once- wonder what that was about). I am now listening to loud music to drown out the traffic (it's not really helping). And I just looked out the window and traffic's completely backed up heading into the city on the bridge. Should make for a lovely evening.

I had an awful time at Daffy's the other day. First, I had no luck finding anything for Abby- everything was either the wrong size, too expensive, or hideous. But I did get a 2 little things for 2 other people, so I got in the looooooong line- I waited about 50 minutes. They only had 2 registers open. During the holiday season on a weekday evening? What were they thinking? Then the woman who was ringing up my purchases broke 1 of my 2 little things. I ran back to where they were, but there weren't anymore. So I got something else instead (I think it's pretty tacky, but it'll have to do). I hate shopping!

I decided I'll take the time to meet Kristin (who's in town for the weekend) and her sister, Lisa, for brunch tomrrow. Hopefully an interesting conversation with them and Norma's brunch will give me the energy to schlep back to the library for the second-to-last time (will finish up on Tuesday before class). If they had better hours, I wouldn't have to go so many times for one stupid project. I do love the library though. And they have some good librarians at the Performing Arts Library, which is nice. The non-librarians could use some work (it takes them 30-45 minutes to retrieve the materials I need to view).

I found Ian on Wednesday to talk to him about the 23rd, and he said he was required to have us come in during that time allotted for the final. I don't believe that, but even if it is some bizarre rule, I've never heard of anyone following it (and I've had some pretty nasty professors). So I told him I had to leave on the 23rd, he asked if I could come in on the 22nd, and I said I could. Though I can't figure out what I'll be doing if I do come in other than hand him my paper (which he swore he couldn't accept before the afternoon of the 23rd). He said to talk to him more about it later. Well, yesterday Louisa taught our class. She said Ian wasn't there and wouldn't be there on Monday either. That's the last class until the 23rd. Hopefully he'll call me back when I leave a message for him on Monday. Actually, it would be better if he didn't call me back. Then I could give my paper to someone else to hand in, and I could leave on the 22nd and have the 23rd to take care of some things I need to take care of in Maryland.

Speaking of Maryland, I still have a lot to arrange. But I'm still spending so much time arranging how to get everything done before I can leave for Maryland, so Maryland issues are on the back burner. Hopefully I can get going on some of that planning on Sunday.

Here's something hopefully positive about mainstream society: I've seen a little evidence that more companies are figuring out that natural, not overly processed food is the way to go instead of low carb/sugar alcohol stuff or just plain junk. I hope the little evidence turns into a lot of evidence and it becomes the latest trend and hopefully the trend will stick around a while.

We need to change the question of "Where are you from?" to "Where do you live?" That used to often be the same place, but in our current mobile society, those places are not usually the same. And when you meet someone, they don't want to know where you grew up, they want to know where you live now. So let's change the question to ask what we mean.

Brunch was nice. Library was nice (other than the 50 minute wait for the book I needed). Traffic was not nice. It took the bus 35 minutes this time to go the 2 miles. And currently traffic is nasty out there!

I saw a Hummer limo today. A woman was telling me about them in Maine, but I'd never seen one. Now I have. I think if I had to pick a symbol to represent the United States, the Hummer limo is what I would pick. Of course most people don't have these (fortunately), but almost everyone has their own version.

I recently signed on for a work project that's currently being delayed. I sure hope I get the material I need before I leave for Maryland. I don't expect to work on it until after Christmas, but I need to have it before I leave (it's coming snail mail).

I'm 90% finished my "Shape of Things" paper. Maybe tomorrow I'll be good and take a little time to start organising my Aronson paper instead of waiting to do all of it on Wednesday & Thursday.

Hopefully I'll have time to do that tomorrow as a break from dealing with end-of-the-year financial stuff (I've started on that but still have a lot to do). I really should finish up that nonsense before I leave (although I can deal with it in MD too, but I might have less time then). Also as a break from finances tomorrow, I'll finish my analysis paper, clean the apartment, cut my hair, and probably write about all that here.

Traffic continued to be disgusting last night (especially between 1-4 in the morning). I mean, really disgusting. It was the Philip-Glass-on-Crack symphony blaring at full volume. Some of those horns (especially in trucks) should be illegal. And it's been obnoxious on and off all day today.

The apartment is mostly clean, I've finished "The Shape of Things" paper, and the end of the year financial stuff is coming along. I might wait until tomorrow night to cut my hair.

I've also started organising my Maryland trip. Now I just have to hope that most things go smoothly since I'm squeezing a lot into each day (especially will have to hope traffic isn't absolutely horrendous because everything I'm doing is all over the place).

Tomorrow's the director's workshop. I'm curious about it and glad I'll be there, but it's just one more thing that will take me away from more urgent things (of course, 90% of what I do these days is urgent, so it's pretty hard to take me away from a non-urgent thing).

Personal issue: I don't understand why people don't know how to have a listen-and-respond conversation. I hate going in circles because the other person doesn't know how to move the conversation forward. Or they think the conversation is about one thing when really it's about something else but they're not listening so they don't catch on. So they just keep repeating themselves after I tell them repeatedly that I get what they're saying and then try to explain that they're missing my point. Eventually I just give up. It's so frustrating.

National issue: The biggest problem with only teaching abstinence in sex education classes and not having any discussion of birth control or STDs is that they're leaving out the rape factor. Even if unmarried people did not have any sexual experiences by choice, if they are forced to have sex, they won't know what to do after it happens. They will not know about emergency contraception or about treatments for some STDs. Those are people who have "proper values" but will still be hurt because of the lack of knowledge. The other big problem is inaccurate information which can cause fear. Thinking that AIDS is spread through sneezes or tears is not only ridiculous but it causes discrimination ("I can't hire you because if you get a cold, I'll not only catch that but your AIDS too"). If you think sex before marriage is wrong, then don't do it. But you should at least have the sense to provide accurate information to those who either have different beliefs or those who would just like (or need) the truth.

National issue: The other thing I don't understand is what's wrong with a live-and-let-live attitude for things in general? If you don't like a particular movie, then don't watch it. Don't ban it for other people who may want to watch it and may even enjoy it. I think auto racing is horrible, so I don't watch it. But I know there are plenty of people who like it, and that's their choice- it shouldn't be taken away. Does the phrase "it's a free country" apply to anything anymore?

About the last 2 articles- I'm glad someone's finally reporting on this stuff. Now if only they'll continue reporting on it and track what's being done (or not being done).

I've barely felt faint in the past several days. Nothing's changed- I'm just as busy. Maybe this is one of those things that won't be figured out but will just go away on its own.

I got an ocular migraine today while doing research at the library. Fortunately, it wasn't an extreme one (and only lasted about 30 minutes). I hadn't eaten anything yet but had a decaf coffee. It was partly sunny for the first time in weeks. I had slept about 5 hours the night before, and I had been awake for about 3 hours before it happened. The main reason I'm writing about them here, is because I want to track the patterns (when it happened, what I was doing, how often they occur, how long they last...). I don't really expect to find a pattern, but maybe there will be something of significance to find.

Coooooold day today!

Speaking of cold, as nice as it is to drink warm beverages, maybe I should only drink them at home. Yesterday, for the second time in a week, someone slammed into me, and I wound up getting burned by tea. And I was sitting at a table in a coffee shop- it's not like I was walking on a crowded sidewalk.

Maybe I don't mind junk mail and Spam as much as a lot of people because that stuff feels like nothing compared to a much more obtrusive method of advertising. Fliers. More specifically, people who hand out fliers. They're getting more and more obnoxious. I can't walk on Lex anymore without getting bruises and/or paper vuts from these people. Plus they obstruct the sidewalk. It would be fine if there were only 1 or 2 every couple blocks, but on my commute, it's 1 or 2 per corner (sometimes more). So in a choice between being accosted by flier people and deleting a few emails, I'll choose the latter.

Been doing some more legal work. Law is something that I'm always torn between liking a lot and being completely frustrated with. I think it's interesting to learn about in theory but often when put into practice, it's extremely frustrating.

The directing workshop last night was hit or miss. I can imagine it being a frustrating situation to work in, so I think they all did the best they could.

Still haven't heard from Ian about the 23rd. I made a car rental reservation already, not taking him into account. If he decides at the last minute that he wants me to come in at some earlier point, I won't be able to do that. I'll just give my paper to someone else in the class to give to him, and I'm heading out of town. Even with leaving early, I won't have enough time to do everything (but at least I won't feel quite as rushed).

Another small comment on what bothers me about businesses and organisations: most are only striving for mediocre. They don't want to be too radical and risk losing money, and they feel doing something more innovative would be too costly to be worth doing. Almost everything now is done with the least amount of uniqueness to see if they can please the most amount of people. So even if someone starts out with a creative idea, if it doesn't please enough people in preliminary market research, the idea will never see the light of day. How can we grow if we never live up to our potential and keep everything on middle ground? I don't want to live in a world of stifled creativity where all you can look forward to is the latest formula action movie or another poorly-working feature on an unreliable electronic device.

Question for NYC residents: do you get window guard notices and/or window guard forms to sign several times a year or is my building particularly obsessed with this issue?

Yesterday felt like a Friday. I'm not sure what today feels like. It could feel like a Thursday though.

My stove is broken (none of the burners work). I wonder how long it will take the handyman to come fix it.

But in good news (knock on wood), I haven't had to call any customer service departments (other than 1, which was a real hassle, but it wasn't a company I deal with on a regular basis) in 2 months. No long waits on hold, no fighting with phone or health insurance companies... What a pleasure.

And in more good news, I finished my research paper (and it turned out nicely, I might add). Still haven't heard from Ian (by this point, I don't expect to hear from him), so I'll just give my paper to someone in the class to give to him on the 23rd. And I'll leave town the 22nd. I think things are turning around for me. I'm beginning to get a balance of good and bad things instead of only bad things.

Talked to Brian tonight. Looks like my seeing everyone at once will work out. Brian wants to have us all over their new house, and everyone is available on my only free day. So I'll get to see their new place and see all my Pikesville boys (I know, not a nice term, but it works for me) without needing a bunch of days to do that. I'll also get to see Sylvia and probably Carole on another day as well. Fortunately, they live near each other, so I won't waste too much time in the car. And I'll have the rest of the time for work and Christmas stuff. If all (or most) goes smoothly, Maryland should work out nicely.

National issue (this is going to be a little simplistic and/or unorganised, but I don't have the time to make it better and at least I'll get the basic idea out there): Too many people blame an object instead of a person for problems. They'll blame alcohol instead of the person drinking the alcohol, they'll blame a toy instead of the person using the toy. We need to look at the people causing the problems rather than what they used that caused the problem. Not everyone who drinks alcohol is abusive or drives drunk. Not everyone who plays Twister is going to suffocate their friend with the mat. The problem is the individual or type of individual. Also, someone with an addictive personality is prone to getting addicted to anything (including harmless things like running or painting). Focusing on the object instead of the person also takes some responsibility away from the person. Sure, if someone kills someone, they often suffer consequences, but we spend more time discussing the problems with insufficient gun control instead of the reaons they killed someone. Everyone's a victim- there's always someone or something to blame that will take the blame off of you and put it onto someone or something more interesting to distract people and get them thinking that the problem is not the individual. It's the department store's fault when someone trips on the rug and breaks their ankle; it's not that the person was clumsy. And it's fast food that causes obesity; it's not the large consumption of it combined with no exercise. I wonder how empty the courts would be if we seriously eliminated most of the frivolous lawsuits. Anyway, I know that sort of jumped around on topics, but it's all related.

I got sleep Thursday night! I slept long enough to have dreams. I slept long enough in one position to have sheet lines on my arm when I woke up. The traffic didn't start getting bad until I was ready to get up. It was amazing! Last night was a decent night of sleep too. It's a combination of being able to go to sleep when I'm tired (rather than getting in bed 5-6 hours before I need to be awake and taking forever to fall asleep) and traffic not being very obnoxious in the morning (I've been lucky with that part 3 mornings this week).

Last night I was going through my pictures from Maine (I'll be putting them up tomorrow- tonight I'm watching a movie with Andy), and I realised I really like trees in the winter. I like the shapes of their branches against an unpolluted (or as unpolluted as possible) sky.

I'm meeting Demi tomorrow afternoon to give her my paper (she just called back to work out the details). Now I just have to hope to hear from Todd and then hope I can see him after I meet Demi (well, that would be more efficient, but I can also meet him later tomorrow night- it would just be nice to meet up with him before I leave town). Rachel called last night to see if I wanted to get together last night, but I was busy and she's busy the rest of the weekend. So I won't be seeing her before I leave. Oh well- guess we'll catch up after I get home after all the travel over the next few weeks.

Mattress companies: how come they haven't figured out how to weaken their product so they'll wear out more quickly and people will have to buy them more often? Every other industry has done it.

I still want to know how conservative people who don't have a problem with many violent or sexual TV shows because they're fictional also don't have a problem with reality TV shows. I'm sure it's another illogical reason (like most of their reasons for why they like and don't like things), but I'm just curious how they justify that one. I've seen things on reality TV shows that I can't believe they haven't protested (like all the hot tub action on those dating shows). Those are real people engaging in pre-marital relations. How can they let that slide but have a problem with Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction"? Anyone want to enlighten me?

Nasty, nasty traffic last night.

I didn't get to watch a movie with Andy (because the NRV doesn't have classic movies, I guess), but after a long phone conversation, I watched "Network" by myself. Interesting but flawed. (don't feel like taking the time to elabourate)

Today I was all over the city in the freezing rain (there's now a light dusting of snow). I walked up to the UES to meet Demi. Then I walked home. Then I got in touch with Todd and bused and subwayed over the UWS (the C train takes forever) and did the same in reverse on the way home. But the traffic on 57th heading home was beyond ridiculous. I finally got out at 5th and walked home. Except I didn't go right home. I'd been looking all day for a few food items to have around before I leave. Never found anything. So I walked around my useless (especially on a Sunday) neighbourhood for a while and finally wound up with... cookies. No, I didn't want cookies. I wanted something like fish or cheese or pasta or something. But I couldn't find that anywhere. This is New York. It shouldn't be too hard to find things besides packaged goods, fast food, or overpriced, trendy restaurants that don't do delivery or carry-out. But the places I'm looking for (a market, a cafe...) only seem to exist south of 14th Street (with a few scattered in other neighbourhoods- just none where I was today). But I was persistent in my neighbourhood. I even tried going to TGI Fridays but couldn't stomach anything on their menu. So I walked about 2 miles and wound up with cookies. Guess I'll try some sort of delivery tomorrow night.

There seem to be a lot of rules popping up in this country that have potential for abuse. Rules without guidelines enforced by power trippers- never a good combination. Like the new rule airlines are enforcing. The one that says airline employees can blacklist a passenger if they act in a way that doesn't appeal to the employee. There aren't any guidelines though, and the employee is always right- they'll be able to make up the rules as they go along. I have often been a "problem" to airline employees. I never yell, never even raise my voice. Hell, one time I hadn't even opened my mouth before the employee called the police (maybe she thought I could have been a "problem" and she was preventing an incident before it happened?). I missed my connecting flight by 1 minute (saw the plane pulling away from the gate) because the first flight was 2 hours late. I could have gotten mad about that, but it wasn't the employee's fault, so I wouldn't have yelled at her. I don't even know what it was that maybe she thought she was preventing me from doing. But she definitely saw me as a problem. If that happened now, she could put me on the "no fly list" just because she had to call the police about me (even though she really didn't have to). So now on top of getting trouble from passport control and security screeners (where there's already a rule that you'll be arrested if you bother these people), I get to risk the wrath of airline employees. Now I'm really looking forward to my flight next month. At least half of the journey will be with other people (I'm not harassed as much when I'm travelling with others).

A note to readers: Whenever I write about problems I've had with cops (or others in positions of authority), I am never exaggerating. I really have no idea why I get harassed so often. I look very average (or at least I think I do), I'm never carrying anything that might look suspicious, and I usually have a blank facial expression (except when talking to them, then I smile politely). I don't think the problem is that I'm anticipating being harassed and I have some sort of expression or posture that gives that away, since I've been places where I didn't expect there to be a cop around (like at the Baltimore train station or on a street corner in Seattle or a hotel parking lot in New Mexico), but they came out of nowhere to bother me. And other times I've even been with other people and didn't even think about security issues until I get pulled aside (like the time Andy and I went to Merriweather- he walked right through with a backpack, so I wasn't even thinking about security when they pulled me aside to check my small purse). And the trouble I've had when driving, they can't even see me, only the car I'm driving. Is it just bad luck that I got pulled over for not using my turn signal when merging from an on-ramp onto a small highway at midnight when no other cars were around? Or when I was driving through Ohio, got pulled over for going 70 in a 65mph zone, and then had to sit in the patrol car while he asked me a zillion questions about my life and what I was doing in Ohio? Or when I got pulled over for going 60 in a 55mph zone, he asked me where I was coming from, I told him an audition at a dinner theatre, and then he had me take a breathalyzer test at 11:00 in the morning (I was certainly not drunk)? Or when I got a ticket from a state trooper on University of Maryland's campus because I turned around in a confusing place where I guess you're not allowed to turn around (there's no sign saying you can't, I'm still not sure how to handle that thing- so I just make sure I don't need to turn around there)? At least that one may have been legitimate. Although I'm sure lots of people turn around there and haven't gotten stopped for it. So why do I go through this all the time?

On the other hand, I manage to be invisible to beggars- they never shove the collection hat in my face and never come after me after I don't give them money.

I think I'm also invisible to most people on the streets. I can be walking directly towards them, and they will not move aside.

Okay, time to put up my latest pictures.

"Billy Breathes" is really a decent album. I'm glad I pulled it out again.

I think everyone was scared of the "snow" last night. It got quiet fairly early and remained quiet through the night. Thank you, "snow".

I got so busy last night taking care of last minute things and organising stuff for Maryland, I barely got my pictures up. I started at 1:00 AM and, with a few little breaks, didn't finish until 2:30 AM. Putting up the pictures from Maine made me realise I missed a lot of the house in my pictures. Other than the small attic, I didn't take any pictures of the upstairs. And I missed the new basement. Maybe I'll remember to take pictures of those things when I'm next there.

Turns out I'm leaving tomorrow (that's why I was so busy last night and will continue to be very busy today). On that note, I have no idea when I'll next update. Hopefully I'll find enough time here and there.

I'm almost ready to leave. I just need to finish packing a few things, organise a few more files, and then hope I can fall asleep fairly quickly tonight so I can get some sleep.

And to end on a good note, I really think my luck has changed. There hasn't been any loud music in my building in at least a week, I haven't had any major transportation problems in a while, I haven't gotten hit by any cars in a while, I had a night off last week... There are of course still plenty of issues (non-working ATMs, non-working stove, useless neighbourhood [that won't change in the rest of my short time here], obnoxious work situations, noisy traffic...), but I don't mind issues as much when there are at least a few things going smoothly.

I'm in College Park. The ride down took forever, but at least it didn't rain. Today... it POURED!!! I couldn't see anything when was on I-95. When I could see the car in front of me, all I saw was the top of the hood rising up out of the white rain on the road, but mostly I just saw white everywhere- not fun. So I got off in Laurel and took Rt. 1 the rest of the way. With the amount of traffic, it took an hour and a half to get from Ellicott City to College Park.

Things have been okay in general so far. Not sure what to write though. Why do I always have so much trouble writing when I'm out of town?

I have a lot to say but not much time. So I'll just do an abbreviated version.

Church: Sitting in church on Christmas Eve, I spent the time thinking about why people were there. There were some parents there to videotape their children in the Christmas pageant. The children looked bored and confused- the performance was really more for the parents than the children. Why were others there? Maybe some were there out of habit, or they were there to please another family member, or they were religious and believe that they need to go to church to celebrate the birth of Christ, or maybe they just think they're supposed to go to church on Christmas Eve and they don't really think about why. And what do people get out of the service? What do they like about it? What don't they like? I'd love to talk about this with people (if they have opinions on the subject and don't just blindly accept the practice). Personally, I was there to please another family member. I was fairly uncomfortable there and felt faint. But that might have been from this illness I now have. I felt fine until I woke up Christmas morning with a sore throat. Today I seem to have a cold (I hope that's all it is). So maybe I felt the way I did on Christmas Eve because it was the beginning of an illness rather than just feeling uncomfortable in the church.

Presents: I'm probably in the minority of people who dread getting presents. I just hate the fact that people spend money on gifts for me that I'll absolutely never use. If it makes them happy to give me things that they like but I don't, that's fine (although I don't understand why someone would want to get someone something that they specifically said they don't like). But if they're just getting me something because that's what you're supposed to do, that really bothers me. I'd rather not get anything. People always complain about not having enough money. I wish they'd save the money they spend on me and put it towards something they need.

Lifestyles: I'm tired of people who think their way is the right way and anyone else's way is not good. Everyone has different habits and traditions- there is no "right" way and "wrong" way to do things. Don't look down on people because they like to do things in a different way. I may not like someone else's tradition, but I'll participate if it's important to them. I just think that they should recipricate and not make me feel bad about my opinions and beliefs.

Complex thinking versus simplistic thinking: I'm obviously a complex thinker. I enjoy thinking about how things work, how things got started, other points of view, facts, theories, misleading information... Many people I associate with are also complex thinkers. But some people I know are not. Sometimes it's frustrating to have conversations with these people. How can I explain my thoughts on a subject when they either can't or aren't willing to think beyond the black and white? I was flipping through the channels on the TV the other day and realised that people's simplistic way of thinking is reinforced by TV shows: simplistic dialogue, solving problems in a short time frame, the same kind of material in all the different shows (and commercials and public service messages). I can imagine if you watch this stuff regularly, you're "trained" to think in this pattern. And I understand why most people think simplistically. It's easy. Why strain yourself thinking about problems that cannot be solved in a short amount of time? Unfortuantely, the people running this country are also simplistic thinkers. We, as a country, are big believers in solving problems with quick fixes rather than fixing the underlying problem. Traffic congestion? Just add another lane (which, by the way, doesn't work- have you ever seen relieved congestion after the road is widened?) instead of starting the time consuming process of adding more efficient public transportation and/or controlling suburban sprawl. But if politicians want to get re-elected, they need to show the public they're taking action, and the public wants to see the action. They can see construction workers adding lanes and that makes them happy (because in their simplistic thinking think it'll cut down on traffic). If the politician tells the public he's working on a time consuming public transportation project, they won't be satisfied. They want instant results, quick fixes, even though complex things don't get solved this way. I wish I could take the time to go on about all this, but I just don't have the time right now. I hate taking a complex subject like comlex thinking and only write a few sentences, but maybe I'll have time to elabourate sometime at the end of next month.

Now I need to get some work done and then get to Brian and Rebecca's before dark. I was thinking about not going (because I'm sick), but what's the difference in sitting around Neil & Maxine's or sitting around Brian and Rebecca's? We're not going to be doing anything that requires a lot of energy, and I can try to get to sleep early there just as easily as I can at Neil & Maxine's. And this way I can hopefully spend an enjoyable evening with some friends.

Tomorrow's a little up in the air. I'll definitely be dealing with office nonsense and going to visit Matt & Sylvia, but I'm not sure about visiting Carole. I'll call her soon to find out if she wants (or can even have) company.

Last night was great- just what I needed- a relaxing evening with friends who like me as I am and don't try to tell me how to live or that my opinions/beliefs are "wrong". I even got a peaceful night of sleep. I did lose a bet though, for the 2nd time in my life. I thought the final score of the Virginia Tech/Texas 1995 Sugar Bowl was 21-10, so I made a bet with Jon, who thought it was 28-10. Well, he was right, so I'll be buying the tickets to the Yankees/Orioles game on July 4th (I don't even want to go to the game, but somehow that's what I got roped into doing). Brian and Rebecca's new house is nice. They make up for the fact that they're in suburbia by having lots of unique touches in the house (I especially like the Chinese bed from the 18th century and most of their books [and I borrowed Jonathan Franzen's "The Corrections" in hopes that I have time to read it in Hawaii]).

Today was okay. I dealt with office stuff, had a quick visit with Sylvia, and had a longer-than-planned visit with Carole (fortunately I got back to College Park before dark). Unfortunately, my cold is getting progressively worse. I now have a fever and lots of congestion. I was planning on doing a lot of work tonight since I have a ton to do, but I think getting to sleep early is a better idea. I need to feel well enough for the 4 hour ride to the NRV on Wednesday. Hopefully I can get a lot done tomorrow.

Click ME- I know you want to...
Journal
Home Page