August

August 1 21:00
Listening to: Loreena McKennitt- "Live in Paris and Toronto"
Site of the Day: Municipal Art Society of New York
Interesting News Story of the Day: Bush Sidesteps Senate, Installs Bolton as U.N. Envoy
Train fatally strikes man
Midtown crash puts 2 in hospital
Media should be ashamed of lack of coverage in Darfur
Atkins: Low Carb and Low on Cash
Bag Searches on Mass Transit Turn into a Sensitive Issue
Want To Lease A Car In New York? Now You Can
Pataki to Veto "Morning-After Pill" Legislation
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Future's looking questionable again.

Traffic's been quiet today- very much appreciated.

On top of the quiet, it's been an easy day- no one has contacted me with a ridiculous problem, my tasks have been very manageable, technology's been working (other than my home phone)... Can't remember the last time I had a day like this. What a difference to have things this way. I am fully enjoying and appreciating it.

Something I've been thinking about: I need things to be complex and challenging to be interested in it. Formula movies, pop music, chain stores, simplistic answers to complex problems, anything obvious... I get tired easily of those things because they don't challenge me enough. I want to learn new things and think about things in new ways, and most things that are easy and obvious don't offer that.

I know it's early to be thinking about it, but I decided I will want to see the "Goblet of Fire" movie in November. I just won't look forward to the story (and whatever they do to it to make it fit into a traditional-length movie- still don't know why they won't make a 4 hour movie with an intermission). I'll look forward to seeing the setting and the actors.

August 2 18:00
Listening to: "Wag the Dog Soundtrack"
Site of the Day: Place Matters
Interesting News Story of the Day: Bush Backs Rove, Palmeiro, 'Intelligent Design'
Passenger Jet Skids Off Toronto Runway
Violence Continues to Shake Sudan's Capital
CIBC to Pay $2.4B to Settle Enron Claims
Bush Signs Controverial Trade Law
Iraqis Commit To Deadline for Drafting Charter
D.C. Announces Which Students Can Transfer
Study Finds Marijuana May Help Bowel Ailment
Radio 4 searches out dramatic impact
EMT fled Elmont crash
New York-bound Amtrak train strikes loaded dump truck, killing two
What's Bugging You? Junk Mail! (ways to get rid of common junk mail)
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Very hot, hazy, humid, muggy day. My living room AC is semi-working (it's not running correctly but it is putting out some coolish air). I ran into the handyman in the elevator and he said he still needed to come and plug up the left side of the unit so the water drains properly and someone else needs to come fix the floor. I don't know when all that's going to happen.

There's some REALLY LOUD construction going on across the street! Oh well, at least yesterday was quiet.

I think I have one of those beasts that messes with Muggles' electronics in my CD player. It decides to skip ahead from time to time (usually at the beginning of each track). Maybe it just needs a cleaning.

I finally started reading Buckminster Fuller's "Critical Path" (something I've had for a while but hadn't found the right time to read it). Incredible man, and so far, a fascinating and informative book. I have lots of work-related things to do tonight, so no time to read, but hopefully I can read a lot (if not all) of it later this week.

Eytan and possibly his friend, Steve, are coming up the weekend of the 13th. Maybe they'll be interested in seeing "On the Banks of the Surreal". If not, I'll have to find another time to go- definitely interested in seeing that (especially Tzara's "The Gas Heart"- I saw a video of a performance of it earlier this year, and I'd love to see a live performance).

Okay, back to work.

I tried to fall asleep last night and had no luck. I eventually got out of bed around 4:00 and did stuff until 6:00. I finally fell asleep around 7:00 but woke up at 10:30 to the sound of banging in the apartment next to me as well as banging from the construction site across the street. I fell back to sleep around noon and slept until 13:30. Hopefully I'll have better luck with the sleep thing tonight.

I haven't mentioned recently how wonderful it is not to have school in the way of my life. It gives me so much more time for other important and fun things. And I get 26 more days of that! And after December (hopefully, I'll still need to talk to 3 more people about it), I won't have it in the way at all (unless I decide to continue education at some other point in my life).

Not much to say today.

August 4 17:30
Listening to: Brave- "Searching for the Sun"
Site of the Day: Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum
Interesting News Story of the Day: Civil-liberties board struggles into existence
Military ousts more gays for online ads
The Intermission Escape Artist Or, How One Lifelong Theater Devotee Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate the Form.
Group wants Denver voters to consider marijuana initiative
Pedestrian hit
NYC Sued Over Subway Searches
About 100 advocates of emergency contraception rally to approve pill
Shame On You: 'Stay Slim' Nutritional Labels
Scotland Yard Fuming Over NYPD Terror Leak
Health Insurance For Children
Power Failure Causes Limited Amtrak Service
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Okay, another bad night of sleep. I got in bed at 2:00 and couldn't fall asleep until after 5:00. Then I woke up at 10:00. Maybe if I went to bed when I was tired (22:00), I would have been better off. I'll try that tonight, going to bed when I'm tired.

Another extremely muggy day. I hope we have a real fall season this year, unlike the past 3 years.

Almost everyone I know is going through some kind of mess (all health and job related). In fact, every time I talk to people I know this year, there's usually some sort of crisis going on. Marcell and I ended a conversation last night saying, "everything's going to hell". That pretty much summed it up.

"March of the Penguins" seems to be getting popular. There are a few things I want to see- that one (mainly for the landscape), "The Aristocrats", "The Ballad of Greenwich Village"... Maybe I'll try to make time for at least 1 of them soon.

Anyone in the NYC area should make an effort to see Dagmar either on Monday August 8th at The Knitting Factory or on Thursday September 15th at Makor or on Friday September 30th at Galapagos. It's good stuff.

August 5 18:00
Listening to: Jethro Tull- "A"
Site of the Day: iGive (Change online shopping into philanthropy)
Interesting News Story of the Day: Novak Apologizes for Swearing, Walking Out
Russian Mini-Sub Trapped on Ocean Floor
Europe Offers Iran a Limited Nuclear Future
Is Bush Vulnerable on Iraq? (media says this from time to time- but nothing changes)
A Roadblock for Reagan
Rastafarians want looser marijuana laws, reparations
Fiery Car Crash In Manhattan Kills Two People
Out-Of-Control Car Injures Four At Queens Bus Shelter
Strange Cab Altercation Leaves One Man Stabbed
NJ Turnpike Closed After Tractor Trailer Accident
MTA Learns 'Money Can't Buy Love'
Two Dead After Botched Getaway at Police Stop
Power Outage Blamed on Car Crash
Driver Killed After Car's Rear-Ended on Turnpike (and people ask me why I fear driving more than flying)
Connecticut Won't Conduct Passenger Bag Searches
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I had another night of getting in bed at 2:00 (I wasn't tired until then) and not falling asleep until after 5:00. I slept on and off until 13:00 though. I figured out that I have more trouble breathing when my brain isn't as active. So when I try to fall asleep, I have more trouble breathing. So to combat that, I talk to myself or just think to myself while in bed. That helps the breathing but keeps me awake. And I'm never sure how I eventually fall asleep. I almost never feel myself falling asleep. And the few times I did feel myself falling asleep (it happened a couple times in May), it scared me because I'd never felt it before. I need to figure out how to fall asleep comfortably.

I was completely convinced today was Thursday until Paula told me otherwise. I was convinced today was Thursday because I was convinced yesterday was Wednesday. Not sure where I started getting confused. I'm often confused about days and time, but this was particularly confusing (and had nothing to do with my sleeping patterns- I've had this kind of sleeping pattern before and hadn't been confused about the days of the week). A bit disturbing even. I've never added a whole day to a week before and been convinced it was a real day. I'm back on track now but still don't know what I missed or didn't miss because of my confusion. My detailed calendar tells me I did everything when I needed to do it, but I'm still confused.

Good news! HBO is airing the first 4 episodes of Six Feet Under on the 31st! I can tape them and then watch the whole season in the fall!

Eytan's definitely coming up next weekend. His friend, Steve, may or may not be joining him.

August 7 18:00
Listening to: Portishead- "Portishead"
Site of the Day: Venting with KungFu Mike
Interesting News Story of the Day: Reckless driver causes two accidents, police say
Police putting radar guns in the hands of Eliot citizens
NYC Politician to Hold Erotic Fundraiser
When Luxury Is de Rigueur, Only Real Castles Will Do
Duluth, Minn.
Snoozefest of a mayoral race has unions, voters napping
Pinch Me -- Is That a Wal-Mart?
At Sudan Funeral, A Call to Stay United
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About the site of the day: this guy's pretty good- I especially liked his "your ribbon magnet sucks" post.

Still having sleeping issues. Friday night I got in bed around 2:30, fell asleep around 6:00 and slept on and off until about 13:00. To pass the time before falling asleep, I sang the entire score of "Rent" (first the 2nd act, since I didn't think I would have time for the whole thing, but then I still didn't think I could fall asleep, so I did the first act). Then I started feeling awful and somehow fell asleep eventually. Last night, I got in bed at 2:00 and fell asleep around 5:00. Slept on and off until 13:00. I like sleeping- just wish I could get on better hours. I'll have to wake up early on Tuesday, so maybe I'll get on a better schedule then. Plus Eytan comes up on Thursday, so that might help my schedule a bit too.

Traffic's been pretty quiet for most of the weekend. Thank you!

Paula's now read the first 5 Harry Potter books (read them in a month). She's going to get book 6 this week. Sort of still surprised she likes them, but she said it reminds her of reading fantasy books as a child (plus J.K. Rowling is so clever, how could anyone not appreciate that). I was trying to remember what fantasy books I read as a child, and she said I didn't really read many (I remember reading the "Oz" books and the "Narnia" books briefly, but I guess that's it). Paula said I was usually more interested in reality. My favourite book was "Six Silver Spoons". But I wasn't completely boring: I liked the "Frog and Toad" books too.

I was looking into cars this afternoon and had no idea of the current gas mileage cars get these days. I had been looking at the hybrids over the past few years and wondered why the best they could do was 45 mpg. My '95, four-door sedan Saturn used to get 40 mpg. Well, now I see that cars these days are bigger and faster and the gas mileage sucks (the new Saturns get 28 mpg). So hybrids offer mpg of older cars. That seems ridiculous to me. Of course hybrids are better than current cars, but it's still not enough- especially since they're lighter than the older cars that used to get the same mpg (where does the electric part of the hybrid come into play?). So, like most other issues, people are protesting the wrong thing- gas prices. If, instead, people would fight the auto makers and force them to build more fuel-efficient vehicles, high gas prices wouldn't be as much of a problem for most people.

August 8 17:30
Listening to: Euphoria- "Euphoria"
Site of the Day: Alliance to Save Energy
Interesting News Story of the Day: Three Separate Morning Fires Rock Jersey City
Rosie O'Donnell to join Broadway cast of `Fiddler on the Roof'
NYPD joins other police forces to protect Amtrak trains
Homeland security official describes radio tag testing
Anti-Terror Gas Test Begins in Midtown
Window Guard Inspections Ordered Across New Jersey
Woman Dies in Brooklyn Fire
Drug Tourists Could Be Barred from Dutch Coffee Shops
Peter Jennings Dies at 67
Unstoppable - Think Wal-Mart is just going to pack up its box and go home? Think again.
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I tried to go to sleep early last night, but it didn't work out. Finally at 6:00, I told myself to just start my day and get to sleep early tonight. But I was tired then. So I set my alarm for 9:00, hoping for a 3 hour nap. I fell asleep around 7:00, woke up at 9:00, hit the snooze button for a while, finally figured out that I could turn off the alarm to stop the sleep interruptions, and slept on and off until 14:00. Oops. I'm hoping to somehow fall asleep early tonight (going to get in bed at 22:00 and not get out of bed until after I've slept) so I can wake up early tomorrow. I'm halfway tempted to just stay up all night, but tomorrow's a long day/night, and I'll need the energy. Anxiety symptoms increase with lack of sleep, and I don't want to feel awful all day tomorrow.

Something else I learned about myself yesterday: Paula told me I never asked for anything as a child. Whenever I went shopping with her, I never said, "Can I get that?" and I never wanted something I saw that someone else had. And then there's the famous story of when she took me to FAO Schwartz, said I could pick out something, and all I came up with was a $1.00 plastic toy trumpet. So I've always been odd from day one.

The main point of work has been going really well recently. It's nice to know something's going well, but it also means things are going to be REALLY busy in the next few months. I hope school doesn't get too much in the way of that.

I was planning on going on a hike tomororw, but now my plans have changed. Now my day involves a bunch of necessary things in the morning/afternoon, going to see "The Aristocrats" in the late afternoon, and going to see Bill Maher at the Union Square Barnes and Noble in the evening. If it all works out, it should be a good day.

Wound up sleeping 3 hours on Tuesday morning (from 5:00 to 8:00). I felt fine for the first few hours, but the day went downhill after that. Got more sleep this morning (4:00 to 13:30).

I went to Hunter to try to get the language credit (they'll mail me a response in 2 weeks) and discovered that almost all parts of the 3 bulidings are under renovation (some of the renovations stopped and/or made it difficult for me to complete my tasks). Then, of course, there was the fact that most areas of the buildings don't have AC in the summer- that really didn't help my breathing issues- so thankful I didn't have to take classes there this summer.

The humidity was a big problem for me yesterday (combined with the fact that I didn't get enough sleep). I took a whole milligram of Lorazepam (usually take .5mg)- that helped the anxiety (eventually- it took 2 hours for it to really go away), but I was still really tired. Was too tired to see Bill Maher at Barnes and Noble last night. I'm sure he didn't say anything I haven't heard in his New Rules and the I'm Swiss HBO special, but maybe there would have been a Q&A, which could have been interesting. Oh well.

I did go to see "The Aristocrats" yesterday though. It was nice sitting in the air conditioned theatre, but I was still really tired. I still appreciated the film though- some of the jokes didn't work but much of it was funny.

A cop blocked traffic heading in both directions on my street late last night (around 1:30). That made everyone go north. That caused lots of impatience, which turned into lots of honking. All night. Wonder what was going on.

My new neighbours generate a lot of trash. Every time I go out to the trash shute, the entire area is filled with bottles and cardboard and boxes and bags... and there's no room for anyone else's trash. And since the trash shute is locked about 80% of the time I check, I wind up having to bring my trash back inside my apartment. I can't seem to find that window, between the clearing of the area and the generating of more stuff by the neighbours, when I'd be able to get rid of my trash.

The contact person's name, for one of the things we need to pick up for work, is Mrs. Mugglestone. Guess we can't expect her to apparate closer to the east coast to make for an easier pick-up.

I was supposed to watch a movie with Andy tonight, but when I went to my neighbourhood store to get the movie, the store was gone (so we're going to play some games online instead). This neighbourhood is so obnoxious. I decided go to one of the many Dunkin Donuts in my neighbourhood though (it was where the video store used to be) because I was hungry and there's nothing else around there that I like. It took all 3 employees working there about 10 minutes to figure out how to ring up my order. Don't any companies properly train people anymore? And the sandwich was nasty (gummy, tasteless sausage). I don't plan on going back anytime soon.

Andy and I played a new game last night: Phrase Frenzy on GSN. Addicting game. Although some of their choices are kind of stupid, most of it is fun.

Eytan's coming up tonight. He was sick this week, so there was a chance he wasn't going to make it, but he called today and said he still wanted to come up. So he should be here around 23:00 or midnight (depending on traffic). Other than seeing "On the Banks of the Surreal" Saturday night, I'm not sure what else we'll be doing.

Busy day- must get back to it now.

Hot, humid weekend!

Eytan got here late Thursday night- he seems to be an exaggerated version of his usual self. Friday, we went to 2 of the space shows at the American Museum of Natural History. I do not recommend them! They are extremely simplistic and stated everything as definite facts, even though some of what they were talking about were theories. After the museum, we found a cute, UWS cafe (Columbus Grill) for dinner before seeing "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" (we got rush tickets before going to the museum). On the way to the theatre, I wasn't feeling well (breathing trouble). On top of that, I got an ocular migraine. The breathing problems got worse and worse. I peed twice before the show, then had to go again right before curtain (missed the first few minutes), had to go again in the middle of Act I, went again during the first intermission, and one more time at the second intermission. I hate anxiety! The show was above average. I thought the men did a better job than the women, didn't understand why they cut 2 important parts of the dialogue, but in general, it wasn't a bad production. After we got back here, we played Trivial Pursuit (I won, barely).

Saturday, we had a late start. We had brunch at Ess-a-Bagel, then went down to the Village. We went to Tea & Sympathy and then to Hudson Bar and Books. It was too hot and humid to wander around- we just wanted places with AC. Then we saw "On the Banks of the Surreal". In general, a great production, particularly the second half. The theatre was hot though, which really didn't help with my anxiety issues- fortunately I kept the peeing down to 3 times (once before the show, once at intermission, and once after the show). Oh, before the show, I got in trouble for taking a picture outside in the courtyard. A security guy came up to me and told me not to take pictures, he said, "it's a government thing" (whatever that means). The guy working at the theatre saw what happened, and we had a little discussion about how ridiculous some of the new rules are in this country- he was completely on my side and couldn't imagine why I couldn't take pictures outside the theatre. After the show, Eytan and I came back here and played another game of Trivial Pursuit- I won again.

Eytan left yesterday afternoon. About an hour after he left, we had a major thunder storm- hurricane-like winds, huge funnels of rain flying across the sky like mini tornadoes. That was around 15:30. Then around 18:30, we had another huge storm with lightning this time as well. It poured on and off all night until about midnight. We really needed that- it's been a while since we had a good storm. There was more serious rain this afternoon, and it still looks like it could rain some more.

The new building going up across the street from me is now almost completely blocking my view of the 59th Street Bridge and Roosevelt Island tram. In a few days, there will be no more view. I'll be completely boxed in by ugly buildings. In some ways, I'm really glad I'm moving soon.

Verizon's doing work in my intersection today. It took up the entire crosswalk and 2 lanes of traffic. Fortunately, there wasn't an extreme amount of traffic today.

Cut my hair today- didn't do a very good job. I think I might let it grow this winter.

Today's a particularly bad health day for me- very lightheaded- at times, it's scary- sometimes it feels like my head is closing in on my eye- hard to explain, but it's scary- today was the 2nd time I felt something like that.

August 16 20:00
Listening to: "Chess"
Site of the Day: The Bathroom Diaries
Interesting News Story of the Day: How to Fix America's Crumbling Infrastructure
His big retail opportunity
JPMorgan, TD settle Enron claims
Random student drug tests approved
7-11 Backlash: Roll Your Dogs Back to Suburbia
Former FBI whistleblower Rowley to join protest at Bush ranch
Israeli Withdrawal Deadline Passes In Gaza
160 Passengers Dead in Venezuelan Plane Crash
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Happy birthday, Maxine.

It seems that "no picture taking" policies are getting more and more common (and employees are on power trips about enforcing them). Check this out: The Photo Whole Foods Does Not Want You to See.

The Scandinavia House has a glass exhibit until the 26th that I want to check out (and I've been wanting to go there for a while in general), so I'm going to try to go either tomorrow or Thursday. I'm currently going through my huge NYC bookmarks files to see all the things I want to do before I leave and when I can do them. I'm also going to stop by the Ideal Cheese Shop sometime this week. That's all I have planned so far.

When Eytan was here, he brought up the fact that he wanted to have in-depth discussions and have more things in his life be profound. I told him that if he believed things were more profound, then they are more profound. People can convince themselves of anything. So I started thinking again about artificial beliefs versus natural beliefs and how I really don't like artificial beliefs even though they are often easier to accept. I don't want to "trick" myself into thinking things to be a certain way.

I felt pretty faint at noon, but I was determined to go to the Scandinavia House while I had the time. The exhibit was small but nice- would have been even better if I wasn't feeling so awful. So I felt awful from noon-14:00, then again when I got home, from about 17:00-19:00. Took a Lorazepam at 19:00 and felt better by 20:00. I still can't believe I have anxiety symptoms every day and there's nothing I can do to get rid of it permanently. And it's really frustrating that it's not coming from psychological/personal issues, so I can't tell myself to "not stress about X" in order to get rid of the problem. In fact, I think half of the time, I feel worse during not unpleasant moments and feel fine when dealing with things that bother me. Like today. I felt horrible while enjoying the exhibit at the museum and then fine when dealing with traffic and transportation not showing up in a timely manner. Frustrating.

Yes, subways and buses were not kind to me. There were 3 uptown 6 trains before a downtown one arrived (usually it's the opposite, when I'm taking the train uptown, 3-4 downtown trains go by before an uptown one shows up, and time of day has nothing to do with it). Then later, 3 limited buses went by and even 2 tour buses went by before the bus I needed showed up.

And in more bad luck, I was hoping to get a specific cheese at the Ideal Cheese Shop. Well, they didn't have it today. "Oh, we always have it, not sure why we don't have it today." Well, maybe because I came by to get some. Then the walk home was obnoxious, with all the traffic and street construction- very difficult to cross streets and impossible to cross streets safely.

In good news, I got a paper in the mail from Hunter saying my foreign language requirement fulfillment was approved (I was a little worried it wouldn't be and that I'd have to take 2-4 semesters of a language- which would be a somewhat good/interesting thing, but I don't have the time)! Now I just need to talk to the theatre advisor to make sure I jumped through all the correct hoops for my major, fill out the graduation audit thing (hopefully that's not too obnoxious), and then I should be all set to graduate (I hope- there's always the chance the Oasis will screw something up).

My TV is doing this new thing: switching between widescreen (taking up the full screen) and regular fullscreen at random. Widescreen taking up the fullscreen looks awful.

August 20 11:30
Listening to: Dead Milkmen- "Beelzebubba"
Site of the Day: Jib Jab
Interesting News Story of the Day: A Manhattan mob mission (clever- they should do non-mob versions)
CBS Moving to Find a New Look for News (yuck)
Bricked in? Lighten Up (timely article for me)
Plaza closed, but chocolate shop open
Hell Is Other Customers
Andy Martin Analyzes Ariel Sharon and the Withdrawal from Gaza
Planting awards season seeds for 'Gardener'
Medical marijuana clinic to open soon in Honolulu
Where Japan's Encounter With the West Began
Vancouver
Fun if by Land and Fun if by Sea in Boston
Halifax, Nova Scotia (Times did it again- ran an article on a place I might be going to soon)
Unfortunately, the media still has racial blind spots
Meth Madness at Newsweek
Anti-Meth Restrictions on Cold Medicine Snaring Convenience Store Clerks
Northwest Mechanics Go on Strike
Disturbing Details In Double Machete Murder (see, restricting firearms doesn't stop murders)
Manhole Explodes Burning Two Pedestrians
Wheelchair-Bound Man Struck And Killed By Truck
Pedestrian Hit, Critically Injured after Crashing Through Windshield
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My original plan to get back on a somewhat normal sleeping schedule was to stay up all night on Thursday and then go to sleep early Friday night. Around 2:00, I got exhausted and by 3:00, I couldn't stay up anymore (figures, if I wasn't trying to stay up, I probably would have been wide awake). So I fell asleep around 4:00, woke up at 8:00, fell back to sleep at 8:30 and slept until 11:00. Wound up getting in bed last night at 20:00 and didn't fall asleep until around 2:00. Not happy about that. I made myself get up at 9:00 though, so I could enjoy my day out today (more on that later).

Yesterday was a day of fires in and around my neighbourhood. There were 2 on my block and dozens of fire trucks trying to get through on my street all day. There are plenty today as well (8 in the past hour).

Yesterday was also a day of feeling extremely faint. Anytime I walked (even just a few feet), I felt like I might fall down at any minute (and I was getting up and down and walking very slowly). I was scared to take a shower, but I did take one eventually. I started feeling better around 19:00 and felt fine when I got in bed at 20:00- guess that's why I had trouble falling asleep. I think if I tried to fall asleep any time before 19:00, I could have done it fairly easily.

Yesterday evening, I started having problems with Paula. Sometimes she gets an idea stuck in her head, and she won't move past that. So that frustrated me big time! She's so stubborn! It's fine talking to her about work or current events, but as soon as the conversation turns personal, it's not worth talking anymore. I think we need to keep our conversations off of personal topics. I always know this, but it's hard to remember not to bring things up or if she brings them up, to tell her I don't want to talk about it. I think I'll try harder though- it's really not worth getting into these conversations with her.

The new building is now completely blocking my view of the bridge/tram. I now have no views other than ugly brick or glass buildings. Here's a quote from today's article on the subject of new buildings in the city: "Last year the city approved the construction of 25,208 housing units - more than in any year since 1972." I wonder how many of those are in my neighbourhood?

I finally saw a local commercial. I mean local as in NYC, not Jersey. And the commercial was for... a strip club. Maybe the ads are part of their way of having acceptable records for the IRS?

So, about today. In the effort to do a bunch of things before I leave the city, today I had planned to go to Governor's Island. I wanted to go today, since Saturday is the only day you can go without having to do a tour- they actually let you wander around by yourself. Well, I was tired when I got up, which didn't help my health issues, but I was still determined to go. I decided to have an iced decaf coffee in hopes that the little amount of caffeine would help. I also took a Lorazepam. I got to the subway, waited for 15 minutes, and heard announcements that due to construction... and then the rest of the message was mostly muffled. It was something about the 5 train only running to Grand Central and the 4 train was running local stops until some station (either Grand Central, 23rd, or City Hall- they listed all 3 in different announcements, unless the announcements were about something else- it was too muffled to really tell what was going on). Then there was an announcement that the 4 train would only run until City Hall, then you could transfer to other trains to get to Brooklyn. But what about those who wanted to go to Bowling Green? I didn't want to walk from City Hall to the ferry in this humidity, so I took all that mess as a sign that I shouldn't go- it was too humid to walk around the island anyway. So as long as it's humid, I can't really do a lot of the things I've been wanting to do. And as soon as it's not humid anymore, I'll be too busy to do any of those things (or the things won't be available- Governor's Island closes down September 3rd). This is unfair. And I know life's unfair. I just get really tired of not having any good points in my life.

So now I'm home and feeling better (the pill helped and being in a somewhat cool apartment helps)- still tired though. I'm sure I'll wake up later tonight, and I'll continue with my night owl schedule.

And instead of trying to enjoy a day of activity while feeling awful, I'll spend the day researching anxiety and see if there are other things I can do to get around the humidity problem. I may also deal with my huge batch of pictures some more- it's taking me forever because I can't get motivated to do a lot at one time for some reason. I hope to finish by the end of the month. As for moving my site to it's new URL? No clue when I'll do that. It would be nice if I could do that by the end of the month as well, but it's not looking likely- too big of a project.

My neighbourhood is really a mess today with construction. There's the banging and jackhammering on the building across the street from me. Then there's an excessive amount of honking on my street because there's way more traffic than normal. Why? Because both 58th and 59th Streets are completely blocked off because of construction, so that leads all traffic down to me. It would have been a good day to be out.

Anyone who's interested in stopping Wal-Mart's attempts to enter the banking business, sign this petition.

August 21 17:30
Listening to: James- "Laid"
Site of the Day: Liberty Belles (putting the Second Amendment first)
Interesting News Story of the Day: The Swift Boating of Cindy Sheehan
Hey, Let's Not Put On a Show!
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity with New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
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Just spent an hour reading several news sources and found very little of interest. Unusual for a Sunday. Maybe it's because it's the end of August and they assume everyone's on vacation and not reading newspapers.

All I found for what to do about humidity was to avoid it, which is usually impossible, so I guess I'm stuck with suffering. Fortunately, we'll be heading into fall soon. But unfortunately, I can't do anymore fun activities this month while I have the time, at least not without feeling awful.

And yesterday's humidity got pretty high (last I checked, it was 86%, today's much lower at only 45%), so it's probably good that I didn't get to go to Governor's Island (wish I could have gone today, but they aren't open today). Tuesday I'm supposed to go up to Beacon. Hopefully the humidity won't be too bad and/or I won't have to do a lot of walking. I miss walking. And between being faint or dizzy or lightheaded so much of the time, I haven't been getting much exercise at all. Not good.

So, I got through my Maine/New Hampshire pictures (did that while watching "Goldfinger"- Harvey's favourite Bond movie which I'd never seen- now I have), which means I'm up to the middle of July. I have 150-200 more to go through to get caught up. Then comes the task of setting up the new site and posting all the good pictures. It'll get done one day.

While trying to stay up all night on Thursday, I decided to watch Bill Maher's "I'm Swiss" special again and type the parts I really liked to post here (took almost 3 hours). So here they are:
- (about the state of our country) "I'm pissed off that not enough people are pissed off."
- (about the election) "When homophobia trumps terrorism as an issue, that's a problem."
- (about poor airport security) "Obviously we don't value airport security enough. It's not like we can't do security well. Have you ever been to a casino?"
- (an issue Karl Rove would come up with to help another Bush win an election) "Let's put the fetus on the $1 bill. Regan and the fetus on the $1 bill. My opponent doesn't want the fetus on the $1 bill."
- (not understanding America's priorities) "Why do people get so worked up about gay weddings and that Janet Jackson's tit fell out of her bra for 1 second..."
- "I don't hate America. I'm embarassed by America."
- "Why do we have to be the country with the midget dating shows?"
- "Reality television, that was not a good thing for us. It was not good for us to see us. Because we're not that good. No seriously. Reality television is not good, clean fun. It's cruelty. And people enjoying cruelty every show. It's ostracism; it reminds me of grade school. Wvery show is, 'You're off the island', 'Your singing sucks', 'You're not hot enough'... People are selfish and greedy and narcissistic and lazy and stupid..."
- (about Bush) "He is the morph master. He morphs monogamy into integrity, he morphed Bin Laden into Hussein..."
- (about Bush) "He's very ethnocentric. He only sees the world through his eyes."
- "What's most confusing about Iraq is people think of the Republicans as, if nothing else, efficient. So how could they do this war in such a bad way? This was supposed to be the efficient people. This was the CEO administration. That's what the ran on... How come this is the crowd that fights a 3 week war and then goes, 'Oh dude, I totally spaced on the post war'..."
- "It is a good question. I'll give you my theory: I think that Republicans, for all their macho posturing, they're really such sentimentalists. Everything is that lump-in-the-throat moment: Bush with his arm around the fireman... That's why they didn't have a plan- they didn't think they needed a plan. They thought, 'We're gonna go over there and we're Americans. We're spreading freedom. Who needs a plan?'"
(about the bad judgments in Iraq) "And then, during the campaign, Dick Cheney had the nerve to make John Kerry's judgment the issue. 'Can't trust wild man Kerry's judgment'. Oh good, let's have an election based on judgment about national security issues. How about the judgment to piss off the whole world so we have exactly one real ally for Iraq 2: The Search for Curly's Gold? How about the judgment to ignore briefings and memos with titles like 'Osama Bin Laden is Standing Right Behind You'? How about the judgment not to hold anyone accountable for these massive intelligence failures? Do you realise, since September 11th, the only person to have been held accountable and fired because of this, is me?"
- "I don't know how marijuana, the one drug that never killed anybody, got to be the demon seed. Such a triumph of negative marketing."
(problem with the drug war) "The inconsistency. The fact that somebody like Rush Limbaugh, who has made a career preaching that anybody who does drugs has got to go right to jail, gets caught doing 30 Oxycontin a day. 30 Oxycontin? Do you have any idea how high that is? I don't. And I've been pretty high. How does he get away with it? They say, 'He's on medication,' oh, see that's not drugs, that's medication. You know what? We all got our medication, don't we? They could have an ad on TV that says, 'Ask your doctor if Jack Daniels is right for you.' And I guess if I have any theme here tonight, it would be that this is just legislating taste, and there's nothing that bothers me more than that. It's what we do all the time in this country- we legislate taste. There is nothing about preferring the high of Oxycontin that makes you morally superior to someone who prefers the high of pot or mushrooms or crack."
- (about Strom Thurmund's maid) "The media refers to this as an affair. A delightful sort of upstairs downstairs romp with stolen glances across the dinner table... Rape would be the word I would use to describe a situation when one person can't say no. Calling this an affair is like calling pedephilia a lifestyle choice."
- (about white teens) "The FBI reported that there is a new class of prostitutes in America, and they are teenage suburban white girls. Teenage, suburban, middle class, white girls are selling their asses at the mall to make money to buy things at the mall. It's adorable. Little Ashley is selling her coochie for Gucci. How did this happen? I'll tell you how. It's kind of a fitting joke on white people. Because after WWII there was something called white flight. White people got out of the inner city. They did not want to be around the black culture. They thought if their kids grew up around black people, the boys would want to be pimps and the girls would want to be whores. And now, through the miracle of MTV, that's exactly what happened."
- "In addition to a war on drugs, we also have a war on sex. Before he left office, Ashcroft passed down an indictment against the porn industy. He named 5 videos. I'm gonna tell you one of the titles, not because I want a cheap laugh but because I want you to understand where your tax dollars are going. One of the titles was: "1001 Ways to Eat My Jizz". Believe it or not, here's something I have in common with Ashcroft, which is that I really don't have any desire to watch movies about people eating jizz. The difference is that I don't ask you to legislate my taste. I don't ask that my opinion be made into the law. If it's your opinion that beer is a better drug than pot, well... you're wrong, but I respect that- well, I don't actually respect it, but I let you have it. If it's your opinion that having children is the greatest thing a person can do, many people would agree with you, but it's still only an opinion. And there shouldn't be a prejudice against single people, and there certainly is. In the workplace, single people know, when the family guy needs some time off, it's always, 'Go ahead, Bob. You've got twins in the school play.' What if I have twins in the jacuzzi?"
- "We do it all the time- we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax break because it's assumed that we all agree we all want to encourage churches and children. I don't. That's my opinion ."
- "Another way we legislate taste: health matters. It was always my opinion that food, at least the food we eat in this country, was at least as bad for your health as smoking. And now, the statistics back me up on that... I remember when I used to be a smoker, there was no end to the shit that you could give to smokers. You could sue them and shame them and punish them and overtax them and make them huddle in doorways like a hooker. Even evil MTV, just to show they're not all about the bling-bling, once a day they'd have a public service announcement with some earnest 18 year old kid standing in front of a tobacco company building saying, 'They lied to us, man,' and America would applaud. You know America loves to applaud bullshit. 'They lied to us.' Of course they lied to you, you fool, they're drug pushers. Tobacco companies are drug pushers, that's a given. Of course they're gonna lie... Last year we passed this giant Medicare entitlement prescription drug bill, and it's gonna cost, literally, trillions and trillions of dollars. And while they were debating this, no one stood up and said, 'Excuse me, why are we so sick? Could it be because we eat like Caligula?' The top 5 of those prescription drugs, they're all antacids, anti-bloating medicine, digestive aids, all things to put out the fire in our stomach from the poison we call lunch. Folks, it's the food. I know people hate to hear that, but when you look at those ads during the evening news- people farting and burping and bloating, it's all just shit trying to get out of you- take a hint. That evening news is the most depressing thing on television. Not because of the news, it's those ads. Every ad is, 'I can't digest', 'I can't go to the bathroom', 'I can't stop going to the bathroom', 'I'm flatulent', 'I'm incontinent', 'I'm constipated'... It's the food. You're not going to die from second-hand smoke or SARS or Monkey Pox. It's the food. The killer is not West Nile or Avian Flu or shark attacks- it's the buffalo wings, it's the aspartame and the nutrasweet and the high fructose corn syrup and the MSG, it's the steroids, hormones, and antibiotics that are in the beef...
- (on our obsession with keeping everyone alive and safe, no matter what the cost) " Every accident that ever happens, no matter how freakish, people say, 'We have to make sure it never happens again.' There was a tragedy a couple of years ago that happened in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. A Japanese fishing boat had the misfortune of being right under a surfacing American nuclear submarine. Then of course, there had to be all these commissions and court martials and they brought the admiral up on charges, all to make sure it never happens again. As if it ever would. Have you ever been on the ocean? It's big..."
- (about stem cells) "It's a good example of how religion does infect policy. If you remember in 2001, in August, George Bush, when he should have been thinking about Bin Laden during that month, he had that big decision to make about stem cells. So he went away to the ranch, to think, for a month ."
- (on religion) "It's okay to believe in myths and fairytales when you're a child to settle unsettling questions in your mind, but when you're older, you have to look at it again. I'm trying to find a way to understand how otherwise bright people can believe in stuff that is nonsensical and spirtually unnecessary. And the reason is, because they did it to you when you're a kid. Adults put stupid shit in kids' heads. They don't just do it mentally, they do it physically. When I was a kid, they drilled mercury into my cavities. Which we now avoid, even in fish. But when I got older, I had it drilled out. And you can do the same thing with religion."
- (on the 10 commandments in front of the Alabama courthouse) "Besides the fact that you shouldn't drag the 10 commandments in front of your courthouse because it might show you're a little prejudicial to one religion, did anyone notice that among the 10 commandments, hardly any of them are laws? Don't curse: not a law. Honour your mom and dad: not a law. Take Sunday off: not a law."
- "These are troubled times. We have to think our way out, we can't faith our way out. It's not a coincidence that so much of Bush's base are faith people because Bush works in mysterious ways. It helps to have faith. But religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book. It impedes progress. Flying planes into a building, that was a faith-based initiative. Matters of otherwise common sense become points of debate. Like gay marriage. Would we even be having this discussion, about whether or not gay people can marry, except for religion? It's because it says in the bible, no queers. That's where the whole thing comes from. The bible. The same book that says slavery is okay and you can stone someone to death for working on Sunday. That book. The one with the snake and the poison apple and the virgin birth and people lived in a whale and people lived to 900 years old. That infallible work of genius that the President believes literally."
(about stupid compromises in this country) "This country was built on compromises. Really stupid compromises. For instance, in the constitution, black people are 3/5 of a person. And it goes on today. Medical marijuana. In most states where the voters have passed the right to have medical marijuana, the feds don't recognise that. So it is legal to possess it but not to obtain it. You can have it, you just can't get it."
(about gay marriage)- "I just think it is ridiculous that gay people should have to interrupt their lives to fight this battle, especially at a time when we're supposed to be teaching the world a lesson about freedom."

He really has some good points. And no, I don't agree with everything he says. I think for myself. I don't just automatically like everything he says or Jon Stewart says because I agree with many things they say. And I don't automatically disagree with everything extreme conservatives say because I disagree with many things they say. I don't automatically hate all Disney movies. I don't automatically like all independent movies. I don't automatically hate all pop music. I don't automatically like all progressive rock. I decide on each item individually and on a number of different aspects. It drives me crazy when people, after knowing I really liked "Being John Malkovich", are really surprised when I tell them I didn't like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". As far as I'm concerned, both of them being independent movies is where the similarity ends. Why should I automatically like the latter because I liked the former when they are 2 completely different movies? One's clever, funny, unique, and entertaining, the other is simplistic, not funny, and with stereotypical characters. I know many people like to fit into groups and people in groups like to like the same things. I am not one of those people. I don't enjoy being in groups of people, and if for some reason I am in a group, I don't feel the need to like the same things as everyone else in the group. I wish more people would think independently, but since they don't, I at least wish they wouldn't lump me into the various stereotypes that work for them and accept that I don't do things the way most people do, even if they don't understand it.

Didn't get to sleep until 5:00 this morning (got in bed around 2:00). Made myself get up at 10:00. Hope I can get to sleep early enough to get enough sleep and not be exhausted tomorrow.

Got an ocular migraine today around 14:00 (fortunately, it only lasted about 30 minutes). It was probably from the lack of sleep.

My new cordless phone doesn't like to do call waiting. It seldom matters since I almost never receive phone calls, but just my luck, I was on a business call today and had another important call coming in at the same time. It makes weird clicking noises (does that for 4-5 seconds) and the first caller hangs up, assuming we got disconnected. Then they call back while I'm on with the second call, and the clicking noises start again, so the second caller hangs up, thinking they got disconnected... So both callers get irritated. People are probably used to getting disconnected with cell phones, but land lines are supposed to be immune to that. Not in my world.

I've been having strange dreams the past few nights (all coming from things that happen during my waking hours but they get a strange twist to them). I only remember part of one I had the night before last: During a big rain storm, I was standing at my open window with a tape recorder, trying to record the loud thunder (something I was doing the other day). While standing there, the rain changed to snow. I was wondering why it was snowing in August, but before I had time to really question that, there was someone standing at my window trying to either take my tape recorder or attack me- I wasn't sure which. I was on my phone with Rebecca while all this was going on, so I asked her to call 911. I explained to her what was happening, and fortunately, she didn't question how the guy could get in my apartment, considering, not only does my window only open 4 inches, my apartment's on the 24th floor. Then I realised I was in a motel in Towson, and the guy was coming through the window on the ground floor. As soon as I realised that, the scene changed to the old office on Chesapeake Ave, and the guy was coming through the big window at the front of the office. Then I was in Pikesville. I don't remember that part anymore, but it involved meeting up with Jon and explaining some other types of unexplainable things to him. All the other dreams were just as strange.

August 24 10:30
Listening to: Jethro Tull- "A Little Light Music"
Site of the Day: Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting
Interesting News Story of the Day: Gaza settlement era draws to a close
Bush, Congress offer few solutions to gas issues
Road rage rampage ends with SUV on sidewalk, seven hurt
Voices for the locals
Lockheed Martin Is Hired to Bolster Transit Security in N.Y.
Deadly Accident Had Route 1 and 9 in Knots
NYPD and Screen Actors Guild Square Off
Amtrak Woes to Continue Wednesday after Derailment
What's Bugging You? Personal Questions! (see, it is common)
Anti-Gay Sex Laws Ruled Unconstitutional in Hong Kong
Ferndale to vote on medical marijuana initiative
Medical Marijuana Hearings Begin
WAL-MART DEMANDS SPECIAL TREATMENT
Distortions of The Times
Santorum�s People Toss Young Women out of Barnes & Noble, Trooper Threatens Them with Prison
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I didn't fall asleep very easily Monday night (got in bed before 23:00 and didn't fall asleep until around 3:00), but I actually woke up before my alarm. I was still tired though. The latest thing is that when I'm tired, I get pressure on my head and neck which can make me feel faint. Once I was awake though (around noon), I felt better than I have a long time (until in the evening, when I got tired and had issues again).

Yesterday:
- Train to Beacon- no problems. Train back to city- problems. Several delays (because of only having use of a single track for some of the way and then there were some trees down around Yonkers that they had to clear before we could get past there) resulting in an almost 3 hour journey instead of a 1.5 hour journey.
- As usual people assumed I was a teenager. It really gets old being negatively judged on how old people think I am.
- The taxi driver I had back to the Beacon station was chatty. In the less than 10 minute ride, this was his monologue: he likes eating grilled cheese since that's better for you than hamburgers- he doesn't eat at McDonalds anymore, he gets tired driving around all day and often forgets where he's going, he used to do heavy labour for the city until he got a back injury so he had to quit but still needed to make a living so he's been driving a cab for 7 months, he never did well in school because no one cared to teach him anything but he did the job corps for a year so he could learn a skill and make a good living, children should not be allowed to use calculators since they'll never learn how to do math- what happens if they go to another country where they don't have calculators, and his daughter lives at 78th & Park in Manhattan- she's a paralegal and part time comic- he wanted to do stand up comedy as well but he couldn't afford to go to acting school. He knew what time my train came in and saw that I had some time before it showed up, so he wanted to stay and chat with me but fortunately he got a call for another pickup, so he had to go.
- The other problem I had on the train home was with the security cop. He went through the cars for a bag check, and I was the only one who was searched in my car (I was innocently trying to read a book at the time, when he came by). I was one of the few people without a large bag (just had my little purse). The middle eastern couple with a backpack and 2 gym bags didn't get searched. And of course the cop treated me like a criminal. I'll never understand why I'm constantly targeted.

After yesterday, I now have 243 pictures to deal with (got a little carried away on the Metro North- such a pretty ride up the Hudson). I hope to do most of it this weekend. As for the site update: who knows?

Fell asleep rather quickly last night (got in bed around 2:00, fell asleep around 3:00- amazing- can't remember the last time it took less than 3 hours to fall asleep). But then traffic woke me up around 8:30, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was hoping for more sleep than that. Maybe tonight/tomorrow morning.

Felt pretty good yesterday until around 18:00. For some reason, I forgot about the concept of taking a Lorazepam until 21:15. But I did finally take one then and started feeling partly better by 21:30 and mostly better by 23:00. Then at midnight, I got a second wind, which was good since I was still working until after 1:00 (wouldn't have been that late if people didn't wait until 17:00 to send me everything to do). I didn't get in bed until 3:00, fell asleep around 5:30, and got up at noon. So I did get sleep- just not great hours.

In the past few months, as I'm trying to fall asleep, I'll remember random things from my past: having melted ice cream at the end of summer party during my first year at Camp Debut, the pool table at my next-door neighbour's house (until I was 8) and how I thought the cue stick chalk was grape bubble gum (I had just discovered gum, and they do kind of look similar), walking from the parking lot to the building for a piano recital with my family when I was 7- the weather was gorgeous that day... I don't know where the thoughts come from. When I was doing this in May (the few times I thought I was dying), I thought these flashes of memory were what people were talking about when they say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die- that's part of the reason I thought I was dying- I knew rationally that I wasn't (otherwise, I wouldn't think the same thing every time but still wake up the next morning), but I couldn't help but wonder, especially since I didn't yet know what was wrong with me. Now I'm really enjoying the memory flashes. I love my memory- especially at night, when the memories are so clear- I can picture exactly what everything looked like and how I felt at the time.

Kristin just emailed me about wanting to come down here the first weekend in October. Made me realise that next week I'll have to start figuring out my fall. I have the last 3 weekends in October set (work in NYC 2nd weekend, work in Toronto 3rd weekend, double work in NYC 4th weekend- that one will be extra rough). If Kristin comes in the first weekend, that'll make all 4 weekends very busy (although I don't have to hang out with her the whole time, but I'll probably want to as much as I can). Hopefully I can keep up with school stuff. And if the school stuff isn't too overwhelming (which it will be, but maybe I can deal with it somehow), I want to take 2-3 days before Toronto and go somewhere nearby-ish. Either Nova Scotia to stay with Kristin's parents and get to see the beautiful, atmospheric, rural area of the province, or to Montreal and enjoy a few days of city life, French style.

I was thinking about why I can't write poetry/prose/songs anymore, and I think it's because I don't have extreme emotions anymore. I stopped having such strong emotions sometime in '98. Not sure why. I miss my creative writing, but I like myself better now.

Last night around 23:00, I got a MAJOR headache (so irritated that headaches have been added to my list of issues). I got in bed before midnight and actually fell asleep before 1:00. Slept until 8:00. Today's been my usual not-too-bad-but-definitely-not-feeling-normal. I wonder when I'll feel healthy again.

Con Ed was blocking the turn lanes on 3rd all day- made a mess- traffic was HORRIBLE!

Work's really been (and getting more) nuts. I really wish school wasn't about to get in the way. There's just too much to do. It's amazing how much is going on. When it rains, it pours. Really wish I had more time.

I've seen a ton of local car dealership commercials recently- dealerships located in Manhattan. When did Manhattan get so many car dealerships? I knew about some of them, but it looks like there are a lot more now. I wonder if the heart of other US cities with extensive public transportation have as many car dealerships.

Happy birthday, Josh.

Good episode of Bill Maher last night. I liked a lot of Dan Savage's points. And this was the first time I heard Cindy Sheehan talk (as I get almost all my news by reading rather than listening/watching). She seems like a very smart and rational woman. It's nice to see the Gold Star Families for Peace getting so much attention, and I really hope they are successful in their efforts to get the US out of Iraq.

Lot of little things to do today- time to get back to it.

August 28 18:00
Listening to: "I Am Sam Soundtrack"
Site of the Day: Project Vote Smart
Interesting News Story of the Day: Mandatory Evacuation Ordered for New Orleans as Storm Nears
Constitution Sent to Parliament in Iraq Despite Sunni Objections
The Vietnamization of Bush's Vacation
Israel Suffers First Suicide Attack Since Gaza Pullout
In a Corner of Pakistan a Debate Rages: Are Terrorist Camps Still Functioning?
The Art of Persuading Tenants to Move
Square Triangles and Tucked-Away Squirrels
Near the President's Ranch, Protests Expand in the Heat
DVDs and Fries: New Ways To Consume Technology
The straight dope on medical marijuana
Stop Him Before He Writes Again
Two TV Stations Ban Cindy Sheehan Ads
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Happy birthday, Jeff.

Much better news articles on this Sunday. Spent quite a bit of time reading the news today. The quality of the Times articles put me in a cozy-Sunday-in-New-York mood.

Today they're jackhammering on Lex- making a ton of noise and blocking most of the street (causing a ton of impatient, honking drivers). Always something.

I'm not getting very far on my getting-rid-of-stuff task. I've gone through all my drawers and a tiny fraction of one closet, and I now have a full bag to take to a thrift shop. But I still have a lot more to do (finish the closets and go through all my books and music). I just can't get motivated on this. And now August is over and I'll have less time in the next few months. But I'll have to make some time at some point. I am not saving it all for January.

Kendra got back in touch with me. I did a good job keeping the topics on her life or neutral things (she's not as inquizitive as most people). It was nice to catch up to with her.

I'm still not fully aware that classes start on Tuesday. I'm sort of looking forward to the avant-garde class (hopefully it won't be a ridiculous amount of work- I know it will be a lot of work, but hopefully it won't be too extreme). The acting class, I'm dreading. And the schedule is obnoxious. Tuesday: Acting from 11:10-13:00 and Avant-Garde from 16:10-17:25. Thursday: Avant-Garde from 16:10-17:25. Friday: Acting from 11:10-13:00. So I have a Tues/Thurs class and a Tues/Fri class. Why can't they just do Mon/Wed/(Fri), Tues/Thurs classes like all other schools? Then I could have Friday free for work. That Friday class will really get in my way (especially in October).

I'm having a good day in the health department. Haven't been dizzy, lightheaded, faint, or had breathing trouble or headaches at all (knock on wood).

Got an ocular migraine around 22:00 last night- lasted for about 30 minutes.

Fell asleep around 3:30 and woke up from a snake nightmare at 8:30 (and that and traffic noise kept me from getting back to sleep). Hopefully only getting 5 hours of sleep will help me get to sleep early tonight and not have problems getting up early tomorrow. I need to get back on a less noctural schedule.

This morning (with just a regular morning of the usual stuff) I felt dizzy and had breathing trouble on and off. Then this afternoon (when I was thinking about options for the future) I started feeling better. So it continues- when I'm dealing with stress, heavy topics, or frustration, I feel fine and when things are status-quo, I have health issues. I never make any sense. I really should try to understand more about anxiety. I have a doctor's appointment on the 7th, so I'll ask some more questions then.

Back to work.

August 31 12:00
Listening to: Phish- "Billy Breathes"
Site of the Day: One Bag (The Art and Science of Travelling Light)
Interesting News Story of the Day: In denial about the forces of nature (good article)
Levee breaks devastate New Orleans
1 in 5 N.Y.ers live below poverty line
Suspicious Four Alarm Fire Shoots Through Four Businesses
_______________________________________________________________

Got a minor headache Monday night, but it still took me 3 hours to fall asleep. I felt okay until about noon (middle of class- exercises involving bending over made me feel like I was going to pass out). Took a Lorazepam around 13:00 and felt much better after that, other than when walking outside. The humidity was absolutely disgusting! And other than the 2 classrooms I was in today, most of Hunter barely has any AC, so it was pretty disgusting throughout those buildings as well. In fact, other than retail stores, most buildings don't use enough AC. I wouldn't normally care, but with this anxiety nonsense, cooler air really makes a difference. Can't wait until winter.

Yesterday was a productive day. Got some work done in the morning, classes and errands in the morning/afternoon, dealt with the mail in the evening, and then worked some more at night as well as talked to my scene partner about the scene we have to do on Friday.

Getting people to find time to work on projects at Hunter is next to impossible with everyone's ridiculously hectic schedules, and this semester I'm going to have that problem a lot. I have 4 scene studies to do for acting and 3 group projects in avant-garde. So since my current scene partner and I couldn't find time to actually rehearse our scene, we talked about it on the phone briefly last night and will talk again tonight. Then we'll rehearse it briefly on Friday morning before we have to perform it.

And I already have a lot of school work: 3 brief writing assignments for acting plus the scene we're performing all due on Friday and some reading for tomorrow's avant-garde class. The avant-garde class is not what I expected. I thought we'd be doing more research papers and wouldn't have to actually perform anything. Instead, we're doing group projects that involve writing individual papers and group performance (as well as reading about 60 plays and articles with 10 response papers which cover that material). In fact, we had to do a little performance yesterday (that wasn't too bad). But for the first group project, we have to write and perform a manifesto for a new, modern, avant-garde style, basing it on the kind of manifestoes artists in the early 1900s wrote for their avant-garde styles. We also have to address whether or not this style is effective in today's world. I'd love to say that it's not effective, so what's the point of the assignment. But I really think the most difficult part of these projects will be finding times when our groups can work on them together.

I also want to rant about the price of books. For my 2 classes, I need 6 books which total over $250. And these are small paperbacks, not big textbooks. Fortunately (or unfortunately, since the library is one of the most unorganised place I've been and almost always have difficulty getting what I need), 16 of the reading assignments for the avant-garde class are on reserve at the library.

Jon called last night (I conveniently found a time between my work phone call and my school phone call for his call- my phone got quite a workout last night). He and Michelle are coming up Friday night and leaving Sunday. They're supposedly going to the US Open on Sunday, but it'll probably get rained out like the last 2 times they tried to go. Personally, I hope all the rain finishes before Saturday, since that afternoon, I'm going to attempt a Central Park walk.

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