AUGUST

Well, the car thing is getting worse. It turns out that my insurance expired without me knowing about it because the notices they sent me came back to them saying "temporary address expired". Well, the Post Office has REALLY screwed with my life now! I knew the phone company had stuff returned to them since they CALLED me, and another company that had the same thing happen called me, but the car insurance company never called me. So I never knew. Now I'm trying to contact an attorney. I talked to one today but he said I needed to talk to an insurance specialist so I need to find one of them. If anyone knows of one, please let me know. Yes, I know I can't sue the Post Office but there must be something I can do.

I'm going to driving school on August 19th from 7:30-3:30 and then this violation will be wiped off my record. The violation is the least of my problems. It's amazing how a problem can seem like a major crisis one day and be the least of your worries the next day.

List of things I need to do tomorrow:
Call the mechanic to see how much the damages to my car will be.
Call the other guy's insurance company to find out what they want to ask me.
Call the insurance commissioner in Arizona to find out what I need to do about not being insured.
Call the lawyer I talked to today to ask him if he can recommend anyone. He recommended one person but that person was no help (he was a criminal defense attorney, why did this guy think that guy would be useful to me?).
Study for my math test.
Study for my history test.

I've been going back and forth with extreme emotions for the past two days. I've either been really positive about myself and calm about the situation or I've been completely blaming myself, telling myself that it can't all be bad luck and that there's something wrong with me. It's not just the car thing, I have problems in every major area of my life. But who doesn't? I think it is just bad luck. Everyone has bad things happen all the time. I should just consider myself lucky that I'm healthy, have a roof over my head, and not doing badly financially (so I can pay for all these damages). Right now, I'm pretty positive. Earlier today I was absolutely negative (right before, during and after I failed my math test that I took this morning). I knew all the material going in but I was in a lousy mood, couldn't concentrate on the math, and messed up on everything. I've never done that before. Not good. Now I really have to find a way to get B's on my next 3 tests which will be hard because of the way he grades. But I have to get a C to move on to the next class. I REALLY don't want to take this one again. The thought of that is the only thing that got me to school this morning. When the alarm went off at 5:30 I did NOT want to get up. In fact, I didn't get up until almost 6:00. AND, I went to bed at 9:30 PM!!!!! I was a mess yesterday. My brain just stopped functioning; it couldn't handle anymore that day. I felt completely numb.

The one positive thing (at least there's one) of the day is that I got 100% on my last history test.

There are so many other things that happened yesterday, but I can't remember all of them now. The main thing is that I spent the day dealing with car stuff rather than go to school. It was definitely worth it.

One other positive thing of the day- it's going really slowly and I'm getting a lot done.

OK, I should probably go work on my history paper...

I love Thursdays! Yes, I know I say that every Thursday, but I really do. The end of the school week feels so good. Especially today since there's only one week left! I was too busy yesterday studying for my math and history test to write in my journal. It was worth the studying- I think I did well on my history test (not as well as last time though) and I think I got a C on my math test which is fine since I just found out my grade so far for math is an A. He must count the homework heavily for me to have an A average with my three test grades being a C, B, and D.

Rant of the Day: I know this is getting old but... TRAFFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 2:00 PM, I'm driving into the parking lot of a shopping center with a food store, Blockbuster, travel agency, and one other thing. The place was packed!! I barely found a parking spot. Does anyone work from 9-5 anymore? Or even 8-6? How can all these people not be working on a Thursday afternoon? If there's a little over a million people and they don't all drive cars, the snowbirds are gone, the city is very spread out, and many people are out of town; then why is there so much traffic? Again, I was listening to the traffic report at 6:00 AM and there were backups on every freeway plus 3 accidents on side roads. Okay, that's enough of that.

This weekend I have a ton of math, I need to finish my paper, pay bills and go through the mail in general, work, do laundry, and possibly organise my bedroom which is still a disaster. I really wish I would consider this room a priority.

Nothing new on the car situation. Nothing's getting done and I don't seem to care. It's like I don't think it's an emergency. That's scary!!! I need to get some things settled and I'm not making much effort. I'll do it all tomorrow, that's what Fridays are for.

So, what's going on? I hung out with my roommate for a little while last night. I'm so glad Matt's getting back tonight and she'll spend her time with him. We really have NOTHING in common. We can't even have a conversation. I tried to talk about the Republican Convention and she had no idea what I was talking about. Then I mentioned missing free time to devote to hobbies (like theatre, playing an instrument, reading something longer than a magazine, working out, going on long drives on local unknown roads, etc) and said that she doesn't really have any hobbies... other than shopping. She complained about the guys she went to the Poison concert with last night. I couldn't relate to anything she was saying (at least she didn't love the concert). Then we were flipping through the TV trying to find a movie we wanted to watch. I didn't see anything I wanted to watch and she found several which all sounded the same ("Woman is stalked by a killer", "Three bank robbers are on the run after killing several people", "Woman hunts down the man who killed her daughter"). All she watches are movies that involve killers. Some of those movies can be great but the ones on last night were ones I've never heard of and only got 1 or 0 stars. I doubt they were any good but she doesn't know the difference.

Rant of the day: People don't call people back. How many times can you call someone before they'll call you back? I have 2 calls into my insurance woman, 1 call into a lawyer, 2 calls into the mechanic, and then when I try to call the State Insurance Department- I can't even get through to an automated voice system (I just get busy signals). I hate the phone. I hate talking to people on the phone. I hate not being able to get through to people on the phone.

So, I've been emailing my grandmother and so far, it's going well. Wow, I never thought I'd say that. Although, as this is working for an email relationship, I don't know what it would be like seeing her in person. Maybe I'll find out one day soon. And maybe I won't.

So about the not having time for hobbies... I took the time to do some writing last night. It's nothing I really want to share publically though. It felt good writing again and actually coming up with something to write about. I think I'm going to try to make time for a hobby once a week. I don't know how, but I think it'll be good. Thursday nights, if I'm not too tired, are usually good. Of course, in 2 weeks, I'll have a class Thursday nights that doesn't get out until 9:30- so I won't get home until around 10:30 and I'm usually so tired after that- all I can do is watch tv. Okay, so I'll just have to find another time. At least I can get back to working out in the fall.

I just got the urge for a cup of tea. I know it's 109� today but I don't care. I'm not hot at all right now. Maybe I feel like I'm getting sick. Uh-oh, can't get sick right now!!!! When is it a convenient time to get sick though? Whatever the reason, I really want a cup of tea.

OK, so I made my tea and now I'm happy. I really should go do something productive (I know, my favoruite word). But I'm feeling kind of lazy. Curling up on the couch with a blanket and a movie sounds like the best idea right now. Hmm.. Maybe I will. Nothing on my list of things to do is something I need to get done in the next two hours. I have until at least 5:00 for everything.

Rant of the day: Car stuff, in general: Today I find out the estimate on my car. I'm scared. I already have shelled out a lot of money for the car rental since I had to get their insurance which was pricey! Then there's the money I owe to the state of Arizona for driving uninsured. Then there's the other guy's damage (please, don't let him sue me). I hope he doesn't decide he has injuries. This sucks- he was flying through the intersection and I was sitting still in the intersection and I have to pay for this. All of the other cars stopped- he was the only one who went flying through. I can't believe I can't fight this. I mean, people get off for murder all the time.

I was not doing well yesterday. I was tired all day and by the time I got some energy, I got a toothache which was so bad, I couldn't do much of anything. I finally took Tylanol which seemed to help, but by that time, I was so tired I just went to bed. Now I'm awake which is a good thing since I have an overwhelming amount to do today (work, paper, math, mail). With all of these things I have to do everyday, the routine things are getting overlooked (cleaning, laundry, eating). I'm wondering when my life will get back on track and I can live like a normal person (or at least get back to the way I used to live).

Good thing of the day: After the stupid postal service returned my CD to Amazon, they sent me an email asking what they should do with the CD. I sent back an email saying the postal service screwed up and to please send it back to the original address. They thanked me for getting back to them quickly and then... sent my package UPS 2nd day air with no extra charge!! That's so cool!! They'll definitely continue to get my business and I encourage all the people reading this to do the same.

Rant of the day: the little piece of tape on new CDs. I hate that little piece of tape. The celophane on the outside is bad enough to deal with. Why do they need that little piece of tape? And why don't all new CDs have it? It's so hard to get off; even with a knife it's irritating. Small complaint, still I felt it necessary to be mentioned.

Last night I had dinner with Brie, Matt, and that guy, Jeff, that I don't like. He really gives me the creeps. Anyway, we had cheese quasadillas (I know I spelled it wrong) and Spanish rice. I really appreciated Brie doing all the work. I suppose I should have helped out but I didn't think about it until too late since I was busy writing my paper. Oh well, she doesn't seem to mind doing all the kitchen stuff like I do. To drink we made mandarin orange vodka & Sprite drinks. It was good and surprisingly tasted like orange. I thought those flavoured vodkas didn't really have a strong enough taste to make a difference. But this one did. It tasted like those tangerine margaritas at Jaspers. I really miss those. I wish I could find the Turbo Orange stuff they use so I could make them at home. I've looked a few places and never found any. I haven't made that much of an effort though. I'm sure I could find it if I tried harder- it's just not that important to me. I hardly ever drink, and I never drink at home. Last night was the first night I had a drink at home in months.

So yesterday was a good day. I did 75 math problems, started looking over the final review packet (a 10 page booklet with 50 problems that's due on Wednesday), and wrote my whole paper. The review packet I need some help on. I hate the fact that the math lab isn't open on the weekends (when people have the time to study and probably need help). They're only open Monday-Thursday from 8-2. That means the only time I can get help is in the morning from 8-9:30. And there's usually 5-6 other people in there who need help and only 1 or 2 people to help everyone. I tried to call Eytan to help me on a few things (he's so good at this) but he hasn't called me back yet. Oh well, I'll figure everything out by final time (I hope).

Last night I felt just like Anna in "Whatever". I was with my "friend" and her boyfriend and I was forced to talk to "the other guy" except he won't talk to me. Which is fine with me since I don't like him. But I really felt like I was in that scene when they're in the hotel room in Florida. I was getting really messed up last night and it was fun but a little uncomfortable. I don't feel comfortable around Jeff when I'm sober so it's even worse when I'm no longer sober. It just feels odd that I can't even have a conversation with these people. I just sit there and listen and have no idea what I'm listening to. I can't even understand what they're talking about half the time. That's when I retreat to my room where I can be left alone.

I'm feeling really comfortable right now though. I'm mellow, sitting in front of my computer listening to Napster play The Murmurs- Misfit while catching up on some Epinions. Now it's playing Joan Baez- Love is Just a Four Letter Word. I really like my collection of MP3's. In fact, I think I'll list them on my web site right now...

Gee, I'm so good at wating time.

Today is not a good day. The 20 oz. of coffee I had this morning felt like 20 oz. of sleeping pills. I was SO TIRED after I had it. My arms were so heavy I couldn't lift them. I couldn't understand anything during math class and during History, I was fortunate to be watching a documentary during most of the class so I didn't have to pay as much attention and take that many notes. Then after classes, I went to get the stuff out of my car. Oh, my car is totaled. The guy at the mechanic is checking into offers for me. I can't believe I have to buy a car that I'm only going to need for 8 months. I thought of leasing but no one will do a lease for only 8 months, plus I need to drive across the country when I move so I'm going to need a car I can deal with on the other side of the country (in other words, no leases or rentals). I'd love to buy a piece of junk but then I won't trust it to drive across the country. Oh well, I have a week until I need to worry about it. I cn't wait for New York. I know my problems will be here when I get back, but I can at least I can have 4 days of more relaxation than I'm having now. So anyway, I was going to get the stuff out of my car. This is how tired I was- I twisted my ankle while walking in the parking lot. The last time I twisted my ankle was in a dance class when I was 12 years old. Also, on the way back from school, I was hungry and exhausted so I stopped at Wendys to get fries and a coke. Since I never eat that stuff (or at least never make it my first meal of the day), I got sick. So now I'm sitting here nauseated with ice on my swollen ankle.

No need for a Rant of the Day since I've just complained enough.

I only got an 88% on my last History test so now I have to really hope that my paper is okay. I think it's B work, and I would give myself an A for the course (as long as I get an A on the final which I'm going to try REALLY hard to do). The math final I'm more worried about. I think I understand all the concepts, my problem is knowing which to do when. When do I factor (and how am I going to remember to look to see if I'm working with perfect squares or perfect cubes)? When do I solve? How do I know if I'm solving for the right thing? How I wish we could have a piece of paper with all the formulas. I mean, it's not going to give us an answer. It would just let us not have to memorise so much. There, I guess that was my little Rant of the Day.

Is the song "Everybody's Girl" from "Steel Pier" from anything else? It sounds so familliar. I know I know it, I just don't know from where. Maybe I'll have the time to check one day.

I love the Depression Era. Perhaps that's why I'm listening to "Side Show" and "Steel Pier" so much.

Brie and Matt did a neat thing this weekend. They took the Six Degrees of Kevin Beacon game (except I think they used another actor) and watched all 5 movies. I want to do that one day when I have time. I think I'll call it Six Degrees of Sean Connery or Tim Robbins or Denis Leary (although I really don't like most of his movies- I'll have to start with him in "Tur Crime" or "Thomas Crown Affair").

I just talked to my mother and she had a great opinion of why Lieberman was picked for running mate. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of it first. It's even stranger that my mother would have had this cynical thought. Gore picked Lieberman because he knows he's going to lose and this way he can blame it on Lieberman ("I guess the country isn't ready for a Jewish VP").

I watched the Kubrick marathon on one of the movie channels last night. I watched parts of: "2001: A Space Odyssey", "The Shining" (I forgot that was a Kubric movie), "Full Metal Jacket", "Eyes Wide Shut" (I liked the parts I saw this time better than the first time I saw it), and "A Clockwork Orange" (actually, I only listened to this one as background as I was doing some work). Now I have to go rent "Barry Lyndon", "Killer's Kiss", "The Killing", and "Paths of Glory" and then I'll have seen every Kubrick movie. I didn't even know I was trying to see all the Kubrick movies. I didn't know I was a Kubric fan. I'm not, really. Or at least not a fan like most people are. Anyway, the only reason I watched parts of movies was because I'd seen all of them already. I can't stand only watching part of a movie I've never seen before. In fact, if I miss the first 2 minutes of a movie, I really don't want to watch it. I've gotten better at this, but I still don't like to miss any part of a movie.

It's now 8:15 PM and finally raining!!!!!!! (or at least it sounds like a heck of a storm out there)

Internet and Advertising
Who's paying for what? Survey companies are paid by Pay Pal since the survey companies force members to get payment through Pay Pal so members have to sign up for Pay Pal. Don't worry, Pay Pal is free. How is Pay Pal free? They make money by advertising. So members have to click on Pay Pal's advertisers and buy stuff from them. Then Pay Pal will get even more advertisers and make more money (the real goal in business, if I'm not mistaken). AND... what if a Pay Pal advertiser also offers a free service and they make their money through advertisers... it goes on and on...

I seem to be addicted to journal writing. Every time I give myself a little break, I usually wind up writing here. I hope I don't get too obsessive about this. This is not what I anticipated at all when I started this thing about three months ago.

Here's something I meant to write a long time ago but forgot until now. The other day when I went to the Post Office I finally felt like paranoid people feel. I got my number and went to sit down on one of the benches. A strage looking man walked in quickly went past me, turned around, walked towards my bench, put a pile of stuff down, and vanished. I thought he might have gone outside but I wasn't sure since I wasn't trying to pay attention...yet. Then I started to play detective. I noticed there was a bus schedule booklet in his pile. I thought maybe he took the bus here, and he was in such a hurry to catch it back home, he left his pile of stuff. Then I got paranoid and starting thinking that he left a bomb in his pile and that's why he left so quickly. Yes! He's a disgruntled Postal Worker and he came to plant a bomb where he used to work. I could see the headlines: "Twenty killed in a Post Office Explosion", "Another Disgruntled Postal Worker Gets Revenge Taking the Live of Twenty People". Then 5 minutes later he walked over from around the corner, got his pile of stuff, and walked out the door. Boy did I feel silly.

Last night I had a dream... I was in Phoenix with my father and George and they had sent my mother back home and they were continuing on to Las Vegas for a night. They asked if I wanted to come to so I said sure. The room was HUGE!!! It had around 8 beds in several rooms. One of the rooms was occupied by college students, one of them being Kendra, from Blackburg (yeah, she is in college by now). Then, even with all the beds, Geroge and I picked the same one. I think we slept in the bed together although I don't remember that part as well. Then in the morning, they were heading out to Palm Springs and Bill was there too. George asked me to meet him downstairs in the hotel casino/bar since he was going to sing karaoke. I said sure but by the time I got down there, there wasn't any more karaoke. I'm wondering if he made it up just to get me down there. Anyway, at a table near us, was my mother, Barry, and Neil. They didn't know we were there and George and I wanted to keep it that way. Unfortunately, Barry saw me and came over. Then my mother asked what I was doing there (she thought I was still in Phoenix). Then we had to rush back upstairs to pack since our plane left soon. Then my mother needed my father to come home for some reason, so George and I had to go to Palm Springs by ourselves. Then I woke up.
Gee, I haven't had a dream about George in a while.

Rant of the day: My phone line is dead- which means, who knows when I'll be able to update this. Qwest merging with US West was a bad move. Qwest didn't bring US West up, US West brought Qwest down! They assured me they would have someone come out by 8:00 tomorrow! And I'll only be charged if the problem is on my end. How do I know if it's on my end? If I knew it was on my end, I'd fix it. Now I'm glad Qwest stock has been going down. I was a Qwest supporter in the beginning. I had Qwest long distance service back in September of '98. I did switch to MCI since I would get airline miles but now my local service is Qwest and there's not much I can do about that. If I wasn't moving in 8 months, I'd switch to MCI local service, but for 8 months it's not worth it. So now I can't get online which is a major problem since I needed to upload some files tonight. This is a reason I should have a laptop.

Good thing of the day:I just found out that the Einstein Bagels near me is going to open August 21- just in time for the fall semester. Now I can get bagels for breakfast on the way to school!

NPR's Fresh Air has been really boring the last two days. Yesterday was their last show in the American Song series and it focused on no one I cared about (I don't even remember his name). And today's show was on the upcoming movie: The Tick Code so they had on the producer and her husband (co-producer and person the main character with teret's syndome was based on). I did learn one thing during the 5 minutes I listened. There is a theory that Mozart had teret's and that helped make him the musical genius that he was.

A guy in class is offering me $10 in exchange for a copy of my critique for the history paper. He's too lazy to go to the library himself; fine with me, it'll give me gas money for the way home (yep, that's about how much it would be these days). He hasn't even read the book yet let alone start on the paper. And I know he'll somehow get it done and pass the class (maybe even get a B). When people like this are getting through school, it makes me certain that I can get through this. It also makes me wonder though, why I can't work as little as they do and still get through. Why am I bothering to put so much effort in this? It's not because I don't want to, I just don't see how to do any less and still have a product that will earn a passing grade.

I'm having a musical moment (thank you, Eytan). I'm listening to all of my Broadway MP3's and singing along. I put it on random order so I don't know what comes next. It's fun. Little things amuse me. This is what I'm doing instead of studying for my finals. Oh well, it's early, I have the whole evening ahead of me (especially since my phone will be dead the rest of the night). I just called them (on my cell phone, of course) and discovered that the problem is on their end (one less thing I'll have to shell out money for) and they'll be out to fix it some time tomorrow. Now I just have to hope it's before 3:00 PM tomorrow so it'll be working when I get home. I should also try to remember to check my email at school. I guess I could check it through voice mail but it's not worth it.

I just got a Beatles song in my head- "I Got a Feeling". Where did it come from? I haven't heard it in years. It just popped in my head a few minutes ago. It's not even a song I particularly like. In fact, I'm not sure if that's even the right name of it.

Tonight seems to be music night. On the way home today I had the urge, again, to make Rebecca a mix tape. I still haven't gotten my stereo fixed so even if I had time to make a tape, I wouldn't have anything to make it on, so it's just as well I don't have the time. Of course, if I had the time, I'd have time to go get the stereo fixed.

A little interesting trivia... After WWI, the German Mark was 3 trillion Marks to the Dollar. No wonder people were so desparate to listen to Hitler. He offered a solution to the economic crisis they were in. They didn't all care about the Third Reich, they just wanted to be out of the economic stuggle.

Here's a stupid thing I did today. The other night I finally had the chance to tape "Altered States" and today I taped over it. I've never made that mistake in my life. Oh well, there's a first time for everything. Now I just have to wait another 3 years until I catch it on again. Although, it's probably more likely that I'll get a DVD player before then and just get it that way. Hmm. Maybe I'll have to get a DVD writer/recorder. Or whatever those things are called. There's one area of technology which I'm not caught up on. I don't even know which brands are good for DVD players.

Today is Andi Franchini's birthday. I wonder where she is. It's also Yanna's birthday. I'm sure it's a lot of other people's birthdays as well. It's also the day Jerry Garcia, of the Grateful Dead, died in 1995.

Today is good. I'm allowed to leave my car at the mechanic until I find out what's going on with my insurance. I still have an A in math going into the final even though I got another D on my last test (this guy's grading makes no sense- Bill is doing much better than me but only has a B going into the final). I finished my paper and started studying for the history final. I have energy!

So after tomorrow, I won't have that long drive to school for 11 days! I'm starting to look forward to New York. I'm looking forward to the interview and learning more about Manhattan. I'm looking forward to hopefully looking at some apartments. I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing "Copenhagen". Plus, I'm just looking forward to being in New York. I'm going to try to think of myself as living there again to see what it feels like. I hope I'm making the right decision. I just need to learn to deal with the weather and I'll be okay. I can no longer be claustrophobic in layers of clothing, I have to learn to carry an umbrella and how to wear a scarf, and I have to not pay as much attention to the temperature when it's 20� with a wind chill.

Fresh Air had another story on today that I wasn't interested in. It was something about volcanos. At least someone was subbing in for Terry Gross, I really don't like that woman as an interviewer. Although, the woman they had today, Barbara something, wasn't much better from what I could tell from the 10 minutes I listened.

Oh, my phone line is working again, obviously. They actually came around 1:00 this afternoon! Wow, that was plenty early. I'm impressed. I was sure I was going to have to complain today. I figured they would come, but I was afraid that they wouldn't have fixed anything and they would have to come back another day. Oh weird, as I was writing the words "another day", I'm listening to "Another Day" from "Rent", and Roger was just singing the words "another day". Like I said the other day, little things amuse me.

I was walking out of my room a few minutes ago and my roommate was in the shower with the door open singing some song horribly off-key. And I'm going to karaoke with her tonight? Oh boy. What a great idea I had. I called her when I got home and asked if she wanted to go karaoke and she got really excited and said yes. Then an hour later I got kind of tired and now I really don't want to go. Well, she wanted me to join them for dinner and I said that I would just meet her after dinner (I figured that was a compromise to not going at all). Well, she got really upset telling me that her other friend cancelled on her as well and I'd better not bail out on her for karaoke. Then she walked out the door. I don't know why she gets so pissy about these kinds of things.

I took both of my finals, turned in my paper, and now I'm done. My math teacher called me when I got home to tell me that his computer program screwed up my grade (see, I really didn't have an A before). Then he said I got a D on the final (and I thought it was so easy, damn multiple choice) and had a 79.6 for the term which he's rounding to a B!!!! Great, so I got a B. But now I'm really scared about next semester. It's supposed to be so much harder than this and I can't even do well on this stuff. But I'm not worrying about it today. I need to relax. I gave myself the day off after finals and couldn't think of anything to do with it. I didn't want to spend the time alone since all I would do is think about all the things I should be doing. But if I went out with someone, that would be a legitimate reason for doing something fun and then I could have a good time. Why do I make things so difficult for myself? So now I found someone to do something with and I don't want to go. I'd rather stay home and watch a movie or something. I'm so irritating.

Uh, I just thought of something. What if Matt brings his friend, Jeff, to karaoke? I won't feel comfortable singing in front of him. Well, I'd better learn how to make myself comfortable. I AM singing tonight!

I'm in a pissy mood for a change. I'm getting really tired of feeling miserable, angry, and emotionally exhasuted all the time. I feel like no matter what I do to try to ratify situations, nothing seems to work.

Now Fresh Air did an interview with Ru Paul. I could only listen for 2 minutes. And now I won't be listening to it at all anymore since I'll be in class when it's on- for next semester anyway.

After my History final, I went to get some Japanese food for lunch. Sitting there waiting for my food, all I could think about was Pearl Harbour. It was horrible! Plus, the South Park with the Pokemon take-off where Japan was going to take over America was on last night. Between that and the last week of History lectures, what else could I think about in there?

I went out with Brie and Matt last night to Shenannigans and that guy, Jeff, and another guy were there. There wasn't anyone in the bar except one other table of 4. I didn't want to sing in an empty bar but Brie did. She sang 4 or 5 songs. Brie decided that I wanted to sing Fame, so I did, but I wasn't happy. There wasn't any energy in there. It was like I was singing at home by myself. So we stayed there for a few hours and then we went to Matt & Jeff's house. It's a nice house but I wasn't really into hanging out there. Another guy who lives there, Kevin, was there watching a show on the Discovery Channel about Stigmatas which wasn't very interesting. They weren't telling me anything I didn't already know. So I didn't want to talk or watch TV so I went home. They're having a party tonight and they want me to come but I don't think I will. When I was 18, I wouldn't think twice about going to a party (any party). Now, I have to know people there in order to go. It's not enough to know Brie and Matt since they won't want to be talking to me the whole time and I don't even like talking to them anyway. I found out last night that Jeff isn't such a bad guy after all. Still, I can't have more than a 2 minute conversation with him. So I'll just tell them I have a lot to do before my trip tomorrow so I won't be able to make the party. I really do have stuff to do.

Things for New York are shaping up. I'm definitely staying at Rebecca's brother's apartment with Rebecca on Saturday night. And if my plane comes in on time, I'll have dinner with Rebecca, Jon, and his girlfriend. Then Sunday I'll see Copenhagen (maybe with Rebecca). My parents are going to be in New York on Sunday and Monday so I'm going to try to have dinner with them on Monday night. The only reason I wouldn't is if I'm still in the Bronx around dinner time. If that's the case, I'll stop by and see them for a little bit when I do get back to Manhattan.

I've been trying to have a positive outlook but am having difficulties. I try so hard to be happy, shrug off minor problems, and tell myself everything will work out, but I don't seem to be listening to myself. Right now I'm mad at myself for getting pissed off at such minor things (like the fact that it will be cool and rainly while I'm in New York). I'm tired of being in a depression. I fight so hard to get out of it but nothing seems to work. Something always goes wrong. Right now I'm really looking forward to being in New York but I could wind up being miserable and finding everything horrible. I think too much. I do a lot better when I'm not thinking about things. I just have to let things be.

Tonight I'm taping "Shakespeare in Love" and "Arlington Road".

So now my 9:00 flight is delayed until 9:40. I don't even care anymore.

So once again, I do not get to see "Copenhagen" unless it's playing Tuesday night. And if I can't see it then, I'll never see it.

I just feel really bad that the whole reason Rebecca arranged to come to New York is so that I could stay at her brother's apartment. Now she's there and I'm not. I mean, she hasn't visited her brother in a while so maybe she's happy she got to do that, but I still can't help feeling bad. Not that it's my fault.

Now I'm sitting at the TGI Fridays bar in the airport and wondering what Rebecca and I will do in New York all day. It'll be her decision since there's nothing specific I want to do, I'm there more than she is so I can do stuff I want to do all the time (especially if I move there), and I'm sure anything she comes up with I'll enjoy as well.

I REALLY know the entire Pittsburgh airport now. I've spent WAY TOO MANY hours here. I was especially pissed at the 4 hours I spent here yesterday- of couse, what else would I have done without a car? I guess I could have taken a cab downtown, but I had no energy anyway. So I read "Time", US News and World Report", and played pinball (at least Pittsburgh has a game area). Phoenix got rid of their's to put in a newsstand. BWI is the best with a South Park pinball game. Pittsburgh only has an Addams Family game. I do know my airports.

So I walked to Rebecca's brother's place and met her there. From there we did a lot of walking. I walked from Park and 50th to 3rd Ave. and 29th. Then Rebecca and I walked from 3rd Ave. and 29th to Thomkin Square Park. From there we walked over to the West Village and got some crepes at Crepes to Go. Then we had a drink at Minetta's Tavern. We walked around SoHo and then down to Chinatown. Then it was time to go meet Rebecca's brother and his girlfriend for dinner so we walked to Houston and Varick to catch the subway. Ritu, Jon's girlfriend, lives on the Upper West Side so that's where we had dinner- at Gabriella's, a nice Mexican restaurant. Then Rebecca and I went back to the apartment where I met David (Jon's roommate) and talked to him briefly before he went to bed. Then Rebecca and I had a long talk about her relationship with Dave, which I won't go into here since writing about her private life is not fair to her.

Yesterday I went up to Manhattan. I had a brief interview with a woman in admissions and a quick tour of the campus. The school looked fine but the area is pretty crummy. The only things nearby is a Tattoo parlor, a check cashing place, a newsstand and a Burger King. And there were very few people around. So now I'm thinking about other schools in New York. I really want to move back here but I don't know about Manhattan anymore. Another problem was that it seemed like most students live on campus or in other areas of the Bronx. I don't want to be at a school where I'm the only one commuting back to Manhattan- especially at night, it was creepy enough during the day.

I walked up to Hunter later that afternoon but I really don't know anything about it other than the fact that it looks easy to get into and it has my major. Something tells me it's not a good school, but I don't know why I'm thinking that. Not that I want to go to a great school but I don't want the school I wind up at to be one that limits me in terms of Grad schools and jobs. So I'll be checking into it further.

Last night I had dinner with my parents since they were in town for 2 days. We went to the Park Avenue Cafe. I was having fun eavesdropping on the table behind me. They were an interesting group of people and I couldn't figure out their connection. One woman was from the west- she was an idiot. One woman just saw there and only spoke if asked a question. One man had an Eastern European accent who also said very little, and a younger businessman did most of the talking. He was pretty intelligent talking abuot WWII, New York history, and traveling. He's in a relationship with a Parisian woman (she lives in Boston, he lives somewhere else) who sounds like a tyrant (she wasn't at dinner). I hope they break up- this guy shouldn't be with her. I don't know why I spent so much time listening to them. I was so used to listening that at one point I forgot that I wasn't at their table and added my two cents to a conversation. He was talking about a restaurant that had the motto, "We flavour our garlic with food" and I jumped in, "Are you talking about The Stinking Rose?" He said yes, we discussed that for a few minutes and then went back to our respective tables.

I got some flowers for David since I wanted to do something for him (I mean, he's letting basically a stranger stay in his apartment). He got home a little after I did, thanked me for the flowers, we talked for a few minutes, and then he went to bed. He's really a sweet guy.

Today I'm wandering around the Village passing by a lot of old haunts. Looking around, I don't feel like I've changed at all in those years. I mean, it feels like some time has passed, but I still feel like the same person even though I know I've changed. It felt so strange walking by Star Magic on Broadway and 8th, Japonica on University and 12th, and Rubin on 5th Ave and 10th. I felt like I was still living there and I was on one of my daily walks. I feel like this isn't coming out right- like I still have more to say about it but don't know what exactly. Maybe when I leave I can look back and it will become clear.

Right now I'm sitting at the Peanut Butter Company (a place I've always wanted to try). There was a table next to me of know-it-all teenaged boys. I think they were Israeli (or maybe they were American but their parents were Israeli). I love eavesdropping on people's conversations. One of them was trying to talk like Mr. Business (most of his comments made no sense). He reminded me of Broderick in that way. Oh well, they'll realise that they don't know it all in a few years (hopefully). The table next to me now- a little while ago they were talking about "Virgin Suicides". One guy said that he heard the book was much better. Well, I read the book in '96 and remember liking it. I wanted to see the movie but never got around to it. Now I know movies are almost never as good as the book ("Shawshank Redemption" being an exception) but I was hoping this one would be okay. I'll definitely rent it though when it comes out. Even if movies aren't as good as the book, I always like to see it just to see what they did to make it not as good as the book.

Litle New York tidbits:
-The damn Cow Parade irritates me.
-There were a lot of people (4 to be exact) passing me walking down the street yesterday who were singing (they all had beautiful voices). You just don't see this stuff anywhere else.
-Rebecca and I heard a good doo-wop group on the subway.
-I saw a macho constuction worker guy walking down the street carrying a poodle!
-I forgot how many good looking people are in New York.

I've had a lot of good luck today. I went to Borders to read some college books, but I got sidetracked by something else and forgot. Then I was walking in the Village and came across a Barnes and Noble (which actually sells books unlike the one in Towson) so I read up on Hunter there. Then as I was reading, I thought it might be a good idea to read some Epinions on Hunter but figured I would wait till I got home since I didn't feel like going back to the library or finding somewhere else to use a computer (another reason a laptop or equivelent would be nice). As I was walking out of B & N, I found a Kinkos across the street. So I went to use their computer. I learned a little more about Hunter and it looks like the way to go- affordable, reasonably competetive (it's average), good location, easy to get into, decent psych program, and they even have a graduate psych program that I could probably get into, so I might not have to leave New York in 3 years. Oh, another plus is that 40% of students are 25 and over. And did I mention the great Upper East Side location? :-)

Now I'm sitting in the Lowes on 3rd Ave. and 11th waiting to see "The Replacements" It's not a movie I'm dying to see, but I'm tired of walking and it's a good way to pass a few hours.

It's a beautiful day (the sun's even out) so after the movie, I'll go wait in the TKTS line and get a ticket for "Copenhagen". They better have tickets available.

I got my ticket for "Copenhagen" and now I'm sippin' cider at Pig 'n' Whistle while waiting for my sandwich (can I get any more touristy?).

"The Replacements" was great. The stereotyping worked, parts were laugh-out-loud funny, and it held my interest until the last 20 minutes.

Rant of the day: People can not walk 3 people across holding hands in Times Square at 6:00 PM. That's SO RUDE! Get out of my way!

Wow! My food came fast. I'm gonna have to kill some time before the show. I should probably call the insurance woman to see if anything is decided about responsibility for the accident. Anyway, this place isn't too bad but O'Looneys would have been more fun.

Just had a nice conversation at the bar with a guy from Australia. He's cute. He's doing a quick tour of the US- New York for a day, tomorrow LA... He just spent 6 months in England. Wow, to be able to travel for that long... Hm... I'm getting a little tipsy. It's about time. The last few times I've been drinking and not feeling anything. What a waste.

I'm a little nervous about my flight tomorrow. At least I don't have anything important until Saturday (although I have a ton of stuff I need to get done), in case I get stranded here or in Pittsburgh. Every newspaper and magazine I've read the past month has had an article on air travel. Maybe once I love to the East Coast, I won't be flying as much.

I really have a writing addiction. I just can't stop. Now that I have this cute little notebook, I probably will decided I have to carry it around with me everywhere. This purse (mini-backpack) is getting crowded. First it was a checkbook and camera. Then the checkbook, camera, and cell phone. Now it's the checkbook, camera, cell phone, and the notebook. Ok, no more. There's no more room. Of course then there's Rebecca. She fit... in one purse... a notebook, umbrella, RAINCOAT, 2 water bottles, and God knows what else... in her her pruse! Now that's talent!

It's already 7:00 and I just got a Mexican coffee. I guess I won't have time to call the insruance woman. I'll do all that crap in the morning before I leave.

David was still awake when I got back so we chatted for a few minutes. He had seen "Copenhagen" which I thought was cool. It's not a very popular play which explains why it's closing in Spetember. Of course, other shows have even shorter runs- MacBetth with Kelsey Grammer, only had 13 performances (yes, another MacBeth/Bad Luck story).

The more I think about it, the more Hunter seems like a good choice. 85% of the professors have their PhD, it's primarily a commuter school so I don't have to feel like a minority in that sense, a large number of student work full time so classes will be offered at all times which gives me more choice... Yes, this is looking good. Oh, and it's not a traditional campus which is a plus in my book. I hate feeling isolated from the world- especially when I'm no longer 18 (not that I liked it then either). I can't wait to talk to someone there to find out more information- like what math classes I should take before coming, more details about their masters program...

I'm now at La Guardia way too early thanks to Super Shuttle- but better early than late.

Now that school looks definite for real, I get to worry about finding an apartment. I wish I lived closer so I can ve a bigger part of the decision rather than leaving it entirely up to my parents, brokers, and whoever else gets involved. I do trust my mother, somewhat, in choosing a nice place, but I don't trust her taking the necessary steps in finding available apartments. This will be a good excercise in trust. I really am not good at trusting people to get things done right. But with good reason- people have always disappointed me (with a few exceptions). I've always done well relying on myself.

I just had a nice conversation with George (a rare occurance). I really have had some good luck the past day and a half. I'm hoping that will continue at least until I get home, but I can't depend on air traffic control, weather (although it's nice weather in New York), US Air, and all the other airlines. Wouldn't it be amazing to have a smooth air travel experience though?

On the flight from La Guardia to Pittsburgh I sat next to an interesting, intelligent woman (this is the first time this has happened to me in my life). We talked about politics, current events, stocks, software, business, real estate, New York, Pitsburgh, school... I wish she could have been on my flight to Phoenix since that was a much longer flight. On the flight to Phoenix I got stuck in a middle seat (I'm lucky I got a seat at all since it was overbooked, delayed, and they were looking for volunteers to take another flight). So I was in between a huge man and a know-it-all Phoenix woman. She had the need to tell me everything that was going on with the flight- "we can't take off yet since there are too many planes in the air right now and so we can't take off until air traffic control clears it", looking out the window later, "Oh, it's going to be bumpy for a little while", as we were landing, "There's one of the 4 lakes that feeds into Phoenix"). She was driving me crazy. So we were delayed but still got in by 7:30 (we made good time). The movie on the flight was "High Fidelity". I watched it even though I'd seen it already. I still liked it even though it wasn't as good as the first time. Part of that could be- watching a movie on a plane is never as good as watching it somewhere else. It did bring back my music obsession though. As soon as it was over I was planning on what I would listen to when I got home. Then I made some of my own Top 5 music related lists. One weird thing about the flight. My ears were popping and sort of hurt on the landing. This hasn't happened to me in probably 15 years. How odd.

Today I'm mixing up the time zone thing. I keep thinking I have to go 3 hours backward when trying to figure out what time something is happening (like a baseball game). No stupid, it's 3 hours forward now.

I've been a work-a-holic this morning. I went for 5 straight hours without a break!

Now I'm hungry (which makes sense since the last thing I ate was a half of a soft pretzel at the airport at 1:30. Of course I have nothing to eat here except carrots and grapes so I have to go get something. I should go food shopping but I don't feel like going today. I'll probably just go get Fazoli's.

Okay, now I'm back from Fazoli's and had one more thing to mention. The car I rented (Dodge Stratus with a V6 engine) has a remote lock and the alarm button is called "Panic". I have a red Panic button!!!

I meant to mention this a while ago but kept forgetting. I really wish David Lynch would have been able to display his cow for the Cow Parade. His was a headless cow with knives in its rump and it was bleeding from the stomach. They told him before he made it that the only requirements were that it couldn't be sexually oriented or X-Rated. Well, they lied. They don't like this one either. I think it would have made a nice change from the tacky, colourful (in a bad way) cows all over the city.

Neil just sent me an email telling me that if I mention him in my journal to be nice ("Remember, I read what you write.") So I thought I'd write something nice about Neil. Hmm. Let's see... I can't think of anything. Just kidding ;) Neil's a kind, caring person who always manages to keep going no matter how rough things are (that's an important quality to have). He's also really good at keeping in touch with the people he cares about. Most people are out-of-sight-out-of-mind people (including myself sometimes). Neil is one of the few people that I hear from on a consistant basis even though we don't live near each other. I've lost touch with SO MANY people in my life. It's nice to know there are still a few who stick around no matter what.

A theatre in Cave Creek is doing "Tomfoolery" in November!!! I can't wait! And that we-want-to-shock-you Planet Earth Theatre is doing "Shannen Dougherty Shoots a Porno - A Shockumentary". WHY?

I'm going to be doing some work for a car dealership. Maybe, if I need to buy a car (which is probably the case), I can get a good deal with them or something.

Too much is going on (or not going on) with the car stuff. I just called another lawyer since he was recommended to me and I told him about the car insurance issue. He asked about the accident and said that I should really fight it. He's getting back to me today. Well, he'd better get back to me today. I have to go to driving school tomorrow morning and I have to go get a money order, to pay for it, today. Then the mechanic guy who's holding my car yelled at me this morning and told me I had to do something. I told him I would sell it to the guy he found who wants it for $300. My total bill there is $300 so now we're even (although he's really making out better than I am). So I have to go over there with the title today. Problem- I seemed to have lost the title. So now I have to call the DMV to request another one (I guess) and call the mechanic and tell him. He's not going to be happy. He'll probably wind up charging me a storage fee until the title comes in. This is getting expensive and it's all money, in my opinion, my insurance company should be paying. Or at least they would be paying if they had contacted me by phone about my policy expiring. I'm so tired of thinking about it. It's all so frustrating. I keep thinking about how people get away with intentional illegal things and I didn't even mean to do anything illegal. I also keep thinking that there should be one person who knows for sure what I should be doing each step of the way and I just haven't found that person yet. Everyone I talk to tells me something different. I keep learning about new things I should worry about rather than fixing the already existing things. I'm also contemplating dropping all buy my math class this semester so it'll be one less thing I have to worry about and will give me more hours in each day. If I do wind up at Hunter, it doesn't matter whether or not I have my AA. As long as I have more than 24 credits (which I do), all I need is a 2.0 GPA and then I just need to send them college transcripts. I did try to call them today to make sure the AA really won't make a difference but I couldn't get through to anyone. I was on hold for 15 minutes. That's not a good sign. If I'm going to be dealing with this institution for a few years, it would be nice to know you can get a hold of people. I don't even know if the people who work in admissions are competent or not since I've never actually spoken to one.

Anyway, there's nothing I can do right now- not until that lawyer calls me back. So I'm just going to worry about other things that need to get done, like some research, laundry, and paying bills.

The weekend after this one I'm going to Albuquerque to see "Phantom of the Opera". Rant of the day: I'm not ready to deal with terminal 4 at the Phoenix airport on a Saturday. The only good thing is the flight in around 5:00 so maybe most flights will have gotten out by then and it'll be a little more quiet. I still have to get there early to get a stupid boarding pass. And no matter how early I get there, most of the passengers are already there since they're all over 70 and therefore get to the airport 5 hours early. An hour flight for these people is an all day event. How many people can possibly be going to Albuquerque at 5:00 on a Saturday? More than one would expect!!

Driving school... interesting. It really wasn't that bad. The instructor had a sense of humour and he held my interest almost every minute of the LONG day. The people in the class were mostly Glendale trash and 60% young men (probably 16-28). Anyway, now I have my little certificate and the accident is wiped off my record. I still can't believe it's that easy. There's not even a test.

Tonight Matt is having a party at his house and again they asked me if I wanted to come. I don't have anything else to do but I really don't want to go. I rented "Holy Smoke" and I really just want to stay home and watch that. I did just have some nachos with them though. Her cousin is staying here for the week. So far she seems okay. I like her more than anyone else I've met through Brie. At least Jeff went home a little while ago. I still don't really like him. In a small way I do want to go to the party. I should do stuff like that more often. But if that's the only reason I want to go, it's not worth it. I know I'll get there and want to leave 10 minutes later.

I have the urge to write tonight. Maybe I'll work on my musical.

I have so much beauty and love in me I feel like I'm going to explode. Yes, I know that's a line from "American Beauty" , but it's exactly how I feel. It sucks when I feel this way and I'm alone... No, I still don't want to go to the party. I want to be around friends, not strangers.

Whoops. I think I just came on to Brie's cousin. I kept going on and on about how much I loved her outfit and how cute she looks. See, I'm filled with too much love and beauty.

I just wrote a really cool Epinion on how the Epinions community is losing site of the true meaning of the site. Whoa, where are these hippy qualities coming from? The one time I go off on a rant in an epinion, I'm sappy (not cynical like I'd normally be; like everyone else is). I think I just felt the need to do something different, say something different.

The woman who sat next to me on the plane from LGA to PIT was asking me a lot of questions about my job. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about the subject in debth. Because I work alone, I don't get to talk to co-workers about work. The only people I can discuss it with are people who I do jobs for and they don't know anything on the subject (obviously, that's what they pay me for). And when I talk to friends, they don't know what I'm talking about if I mention anything more than, "computer stuff", "web design", and if I'm lucky, "upload/download". This woman worked for a software company (I didn't catch the name). It was fun to talk shop. I wouldn't want to do that too much though.

Maxine just got back from her trip and I called to ask what she thought about Thanksgiving. She said it seemed fine. So now I get Neil and Maxine out here for 9 days. I'm looking forward to it. I hope they can agree on somewhere to go for a few days outside of Phoenix.

My Napster is playing different music today. Usually it gets into a pattern of playing the same 10 songs over and over. Today it's playing songs I forgot I downloaded. Right now it's playing Ben Harper. Although... it did try to play REM's It's the End of the World as We Know it 3 times today.

I thought Brie's cousin would be sleeping on the couch while she's here so I slept in my room last night for the first time in a few months. They wound up not coming back last night (which is a good thing since it meant they didn't drive drunk or high) so I could have slept on the couch. Oh well. It is probably a good thing to get used to sleeping on a bed again. It's pretty rude to sleep out in the living room when you have a roommate.

I don't like playing Win Ben Stein's Cyber-Money. In the last round, Ben & I both got 6 out of 10 and he took back all his cyber-money. I like it better on the show when he at least give the guy $1000 just for being a worthy competitor. I can't believe I'm wasting time playing a stupid game. I guess I felt I deserved a break after running all my errands this morning.

I managed to download a form, so I can get a duplicate of my car title, and Fed-Exed it to Maxine so she can get the title for me since she's in Maryland and I'm not. I can't believe she's willing to do that- wait in line at the MVA when she doesn't have to. So now she can get it tomorrow, Fed-Ex it back to me, and I can get it to the mechanic so he can sell it and stop yelling at me to do something to get my car off his lot.

I also finally got a hold of someone at Hunter and they were very unhelpful. All I wanted to know was whether or not it is a waste of my time to take the math class I'm signed up for. I can't tell by their descriptions so I wanted to check with someone there. Well, all the woman told me was to read class schedule listings. When I told her I already did she said there was nothing else she could do. I'm not getting good vibes from the admissions at this school. Let's hope all the other departments are a little better. So now I'm thinking about dropping the math and just taking the one I need at Hunter. No sense taking a math that I don't have to. But then what about the science class? I know I need a science but I don't want to take it this semester since it'll take up too much of my time. Then I'm only taking one class. I want to take another one. So now I'm looking at the other classes available at night. I don't even care what it is as long as it won't be too time consuming, a general education requirement, and 3 credits. I might as well keep getting credits (even if I don't need that specific class). Otherwise I'll never get my degree.

I just looked more carefully at Hunter's catalogue. Now I found out that not all of my credits could be counted and I won't know until I submit transcripts and college catalogues. Maybe I should just work and not take classes this year. Why take classes that might not even count? I don't like school; there aren't any classes that I really want to take. Maybe I could do theatre. Or take flute lessons. Have more time to read or do other things. I'm already this old. Who cares if I'm a few years older when I get my degree? Then I can spend time at whichever school I transfer to taking their requirements. I think if you have your AA, no matter which school you transfer to, you've already fullfilled general education requirements and can then concentrate on your major. That's not the case, however. Now I'm just hoping that most of the credits I already have will count. The more I think about it, the more not taking classes for a year sounds great.

I just got off the phone with my father who had his own thoughts. According to him, my only option (so I don't WASTE a year of my life) is to move in November or December. Well, let's think about that. That means I have to get the car stuff settled, work stuff settled, rent a car for a few months while I get my stuff together, sell my furniture, figure out what my roommate is going to do on short notice, find an apartment and furniture, apply to Hunter and hope I get in since I'll have already moved to New York, ship my stuff, change my flight on December 19 to Baltimore to December 1 to New York, cancel Neil and Maxine's flight out here for Thanksgiving (I'll owe them $400), apologise for not having Thanksgiving, spend Thanksgiving in a possibly empty apartment ready to move 2 days later... There's too much to think about. I guess I work well under pressure though. Maybe it could work. I'm just pissed off that my father seems to think that moving is a piece of cake and I should be able to pack, move, and settle in in a week or two. No way- that's not possible. The thing that frustrates me most is that I have to decide by tomorrow morning just in case my decision is to take the classes I'm signed up for (my first one starts at 10:00 AM).

The more I think, the more all the options look worse and worse. I can't pick the best of 3, I can only pick the least worse of 3. It's the same situation all of my choices have been recently. There's never a good option.

OK, I've read all about Hunter's general requirements and it looks like most of my classes will count (hopfully) and there aren't too many more I need and the 4-5 I do need aren't available here. So I'm going to drop my math and science (since it turns out that I only need one science which I've already taken) but still take the World Dance Perspectives since I like the instructor, it won't be too difficult or time consuming, and at least I'll get another 3 credits (as an elective). Then I'll think about moving early. As long as the car situation gets settled reasonably quickly (by the end of Spetember would be nice), I think moving in November should be fine. It'll just be a matter of making sure it'll work with my roommate, finding an apartment (the hard part), and dealing with moving details.

The Diamondbacks game is interesting tonight. Milwaukee had a 8-0 lead and then the D-backs answered with 7 runs in the 2nd and 5th innings. Milwauke got pissed off and decided to hit another 8 runs in the 5th, 6th, and 7th. So now it's top of the 7th, Milwaukee leading 16 to 7.

I just got a second wind. I watched 3 innings of the game and now I'm good to go for probably another few hours. Sometimes I do amazing myself with how much I can accomplish in one day.

I just found out tonight that we have an entire channel for Soap Operas. I don't even think it has paid programs. Are people really watching Soap Operas at 3:00 AM? Why does Comedy Central have to have paid programs and the Soap channel does not? The television industry is really something I know nothing about.

It's really cricket season now. There are quite a few of them in my apartment right now. The woman who lives below me had an exterminator out this morning. I wanted to tell her that nothing works. They come to spray a few times during the season and all it does is kill the ones in the buildings (so you wind up with a bunch of dead crickets all over your apartment) and then a few days later there are plenty of them alive and well jumping all over the place.

I haven't been remembering my dreams recently. I know I'm having them since I remember something but not enough to even remember the subject or the people in them. I like my dreams. I miss them.

This morning I dropped my science and math class. IT FELT SO GOOD!!! I feel so free. Now I'm waiting for a call from the lawyer, I hope with some news. I've never heard back from my insurance woman which is not a good sign. Now I REALLY need a lawyer.

Right now I'm ICQing Josh. He's going to the Once Hush show at the Maryland State Fair. I wish I could go. Not only could I see the guys before the break up, I could see the fair for old time's sake. For some odd reason, I used to love it. It was for the rides, but living near so many amusement parks where the rides are better, why didn't I just go there? I guess it was more convenient to drive 10 minutes rather than 4 hours. I used to like it as well since I ran into a lot of people I knew. Not that I liked the majority of these people, but it was still fun to run into them. People like Robb, Debut people, Michelle, and all those other people that I can't remember the names of.

I feel really numb right now. Usually when I write in my journal it's because I have something to say. Or I'll just sit there until I have something to say. I thought I'd try just writing even though I have no idea what I'm about to write. Am I wasting time? Yes. I'm allowed to, aren't I? I feel like most of my energy is spent trying to figure out how productive or unproductive I'm being each day. That's exhausting. I wonder if I don't think about it as much, will I still get as much done? I think I'll try that. Okay, today will be the day of just doing or not doing- no thinking about it.

Listening to Bryan Ferry reminds me of going to bars in New York with George. One bar down on 2nd Ave. in the East Village had this Bryan Ferry CD in their juke box and we played a song from it one night. Those were fun times. Hopefully we'll have more of them, especially now that I'll be living in New York. The more I think about moving there early, I know it'll be a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to being there.

I wasn't thinking this morning. When I dropped 2 of my classes, why didn't I drop all three? If I'm moving early (like in Novebmer), then I won't be able to complete the class. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So now I have to call tomorrow and drop the last one. I really wanted to take that class too. Oh well. There are similar sounding classes at Hunter so maybe I can take something like that there.

I feel so free now that I'm not taking classes. I'll have so many more hours in the day. I went to Blockbuster today and rented a couple movies- "American Movie" and "Stir of Echoes". Wow, I finally feel like I have the time to watch 2 movies!!! Now I just hope I can get my act together to be able to move so soon. Of course, it mostly depends on the car situation which I'm not in control of. I got a letter from my insurance company today telling me that they are not responsible for the accident. So now I really need a lawyer. Tomorrow I'm going to call someone here. I hope his fee isn't too high. I hope this can get resolved in a reasonable and quick manner. The word resloved. It seems like I've used it incorrectly. The word looks like it means solved again. This isn't being solved again, it was never solved for the first time. So I think I should say that I hope it gets solved in a reasonable and quick manner.

I really do love The Republic of Tea Iced Tea. Especially the Jade Mint. It's so refreshing. And Blackberry Sage, you can really taste the blackberries. Can I sound any more like a commercial?

I've gotten a lot of postcards this year- No one's ever sent them before. Rebecca sent one from Italy, Jeff sent two (one from Greece and one from India), Neil and Maxine sent one from Italy, and Eytan just sent one from San Francisco. Everyone I know goes to such interesting places. Maybe if I move in November, I can go travel in the summer since I'll have already moved. Hmm... Maybe Ireland?

My mother has some apartments to look at in New York next Monday. I wish her luck and hope she's successful. Maybe we'll find an apartment after all. Then the hard part about moving will be over. Of course, getting rid of furniture won't be a picnic.

Never mind, I don't feel like going out now. It's just something about going out around here that I don't like. It's not just the company. It's getting in the car and knowing you have to drive at least a half an hour each way. It's knowing you won't meet any interesting people that's you'd want to talk to no matter where you're going (especially the places Brie picks). It's knowing that the bar you go to won't have your favourite drink. All of these things make me want to stay home and watch a movie or something. Right now I'm just content writing in my journal.

I can't wait to be back on the east coast. The east coast- where everything is so close to everything else, where there's culture and intelligent people, where I have friends and family... Of course, I'll probably be complaining about it after a few months of the brutally cold winter. Last year the east coast had a mild winter. Now that I'm back, I can almost guarantee it'll be freezing most of December, January, February and March. Still, the cold means I can where cozy sweaters, drink hot chocolate, and cuddle under a blanket in front of the fireplace (that's only if I can find someone to cuddle with, of course). I can't believe I just wrote all of that. That's never how I feel in the cold weather. The cold congers up romantic images. And I'm just not romantic.

The wink- ;) can look so flirtacious.

Oh I remember part of my dream from the other night. I was backstage in a play I didn't know but I had to go on in 5 minutes without a script. I usually have these the day after a run ends (I'm glad I don't have them during the run). Why did I have this dream when I haven't done a show in over a year? I have no idea.

I listened to Rock Island from "Music Man" yesterday for the first time in 10 years. Whoa!! All the memories came flooding back. How, during the overture, we used to wait in the back of the house waiting to enter down the stairs for Iowa Stubborn. Then came Iowa Stubborn- no vivid memories. Then I don't remember what came after that but highlights of my memories include: Shapoopi, Marion the Librarian (sitting at the table adding our own lines to the Carrion part), the Footbridge Waltz (that title came out of nowhere), the end of 76 Trombones, cast parties at Bitners and people's houses. That's when I used to be friends with Jennifer Dale. The summer after that one I went with her family to Hilton Head. Wow!!!!! That seems like another lifetime. I think it would be interesting to see all of them again. Maybe I'll try to get in touch with them when I'm back east. Another memory- "Ever meet a fellow by the name of Hill? Hill? Hill? Hill? Hill? Hell no." Maybe that was just my little thing. I can't remember if I shared it with anyone. There were plenty of other little "inside jokes", little things that made our show uniquely ours- like the Carrion line.

I talked to a lawyer this morning and I don't like what he told me. He told me there's no chance for me to fight my insurance company. The only thing I can do is work a deal with the other guy's insurance company. I pay him $1000 (maybe more), and he works out a deal for me. Then I pay that plus the fine to Arizona for 3 years for driving without insurance. I called Rebecca's father and he's looking into the lawyer for me. I don't know if I like this guy or not. Maybe there's a better lawyer? I think I should at least get a 2nd or even 3rd opinion.

Brie's cousin (I wish I paid attention when she told me her name) is going out with Jeff today. I think she likes him. I guess there really is someone for everybody.

I don't like this Psychedelic Furs album too much- all the songs sound the same except for "Get a Room". I hadn't listened to it for a few years so I thought I'd give it a try again. I should probably sell it. Before I move, I'm going to listen to all the CDs I hardly ever listen to and pick a bunch to sell.

Rant of the day: Being on hold for long periods of time. I spent 20 minutes on hold with Hunter the other day. Yesterday I was on hold with SCC for 10 minutes before I talked to someone, and today I was on hold with them for another 10 minutes and I didn't feel like waiting anymore so I hung up. The same thing just happened a minute ago when I was on hold with Thrifty. I hung up without speaking to someone. I get so tired of being on hold. This is where a speakerphone would come in handy.

I feel like I can't do anything else with the car thing today. I'm so tired of explaining it over and over. I don't want to hear any more information (good or bad). I just want to wait until tomorrow. I don't think that will be a problem. Rebecca's dad just sent me a lot of information that I want to check out before I make any decisions. I'll just look it over later and start dealing with things tomorrow. It's nothing that's in need of immediate attention. I haven't heard anything else from the other guy's insurance recently. I did get the car title this morning and I should take it over to the mechanic today; I'll do it later this afternoon. I can't believe Maxine went to all the trouble to do that. I think that's terrific!!! I love reminders that there are still some helpful, reliable people in this world.

Jeff was here a little while ago to meet Brie's cousin. I walked in the room and he asked me if Brie told me about some place that had karaoke with a lot of good people. He said that she wanted to start going on Sunday nights. Hmm... Sounds like fun. Anyway, Brie's cousin asked if I karaoke and Jeff answered for me, "Oh yeah, she's really good. Actually, she doesn't karaoke, she sings." Wow! I forgot how good a compliment can feel- especially from someone you don't really know. With all the crap going on right now, a compliment is a wonderful thing. Maybe this Jeff guy isn't so bad after all.

This is what I'm going to do for the rest of the day- I'm going to sit in front of the computer doing work and every time I think of something, I'll write it in my journal. I wonder how long I can force myself to stay here. Right now it's 2:25 PM.

2:30 PM
I just talked to Brie and she invited me to someone's house tonight for cheese and crackers. Am I going to go? Probably not.

I couldn't finish watching "American Movie" last night. The guy's voice irritated me. He was really high strung and I couldn't handle it last night; I was too tired.

3:00 PM
Tom Waits- "San Diego Serenade". What a song. In fact, let's type the lyrics:
I never saw the morning 'til I stayed up all night
I never saw the sunshine 'til you turned out the light
I never saw my hometown until I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody, until I needed a song.

I never saw the white line, 'til I was leaving you behind
I never knew I needed you 'til I was caught up in a bind
I never spoke 'I love you' 'til I cursed you in vain,
I never felt my heartstrings until I nearly went insane.

I never saw the east coast 'til I move to the west
I never saw the moonlight until it shone off your breast
I never saw your heart 'til someone tried to steal,
tried to steal it away
I never saw your tears until they rolled down your face.

3:25 PM
My Napster list is playing Marvin Gaye- "Let's Get it On". I love this song too. I seem to love all songs right now. I'm in a music mood. Do I only really like music when I'm depressed? No, I don't think that's true. I was extremely happy most of '98 and I loved all kinds of music then.

I've gotten very little email this week which is a wonderful thing. I guess everyone's on vacation. Why is August the month for vacation? I mean, I know family vacations have to be between June and August, but why do most families go away the last 2 weeks of August?

4:45 PM
Not enough people know about the wonderful show, Inquisition. It's my 2nd favourite game show next to Win Ben Stein's Money. I just watched it today for the 4th time, and I think it's great!

5:15 PM
I think I had another adventure dream last night but again, I don't remember it.

I'm going to set two small goals for tomorrow. One, finish paying bills. Two, go to the mechanic to give him the title (I ran out of time today by accident). I think all the lawyer stuff can wait till Friday. I just feel really lazy and I feel like indulging. So shoot me.

6:30 PM
I just noticed that I have a lot of grey hairs. Time to get some more dye. Actually, I have been meaning to pick some up since I got back from New York but keep forgetting of course. Perhaps I'll get some tomorrow on my way back from the mechanic and at the same time I could buy some food maybe. I really haven't been able to eat much recently.

7:00 PM
There's a little spider crawling down my monitor right now.

I just updated my MP3 List.

The spider crawled somewhere else now.

I guess Brie's cousin picked her up after work with Jeff or something. I don't know. All I know is that no one's here and it's quiet!

My stomach hasn't been too happy the past few days.

I have 116,000 unused frequent flyer miles on AA and US Air.

Okay, I think I've written enough for one night. I think next month I'll have each entry on a separate page. I didn't realise I'd be writing so much and all the scrolling can get annoying.

9:40 PM
I just watched a program on the Nazi Ghost Train on the History Channel (why do they show Nazi programs so often?) and during commercials I watched the Diamondbacks take on Milwaukee here at Bank One Ball Park. Hopefully Milwaukee won't sweep them tonight. San Francisco already won today. I also just talked to Rebecca for a little while. Now I ordered a pizza (I know, it's so horrible for my stomach but it sounded like the easiest thing, and I won't complain if my stomach gets worse because of it) and I'll read some more of "Smoke and Mirrors".

One thing is complete! My car is out of my hands for good. I went over to the mechanic, gave him the title, and walked out. Now it's one less thing I have to think about. I still have way too much unsettled but every little completed thing is a good thing. I still think that car was bad luck. Everything fell apart after 4 years. I know I don't know what the other driver did to it, but she was a little old Russian lady. I know she had her scheduled maintenance done, so what could she have done to it? All I know is that I put a lot of money into that thing and now it's gone.

Have I mentioned recently my loud air conditioning? It woke me up this morning when it went off. I guess I was used to the noise for a while and the silence startled me.

I have a lot of mail to deal with today. Actually, I don't mind going through my mail. I have a little organised routine and it's really mindless. And it's one activity that always goes smoothly- really, how can paying bills get screwed up unless there's an error? And it's so nice having something go smoothly. I did finally get a hold of admissions at my school and dropped my last class. Here are some personal things I should get done before the end of the week:
Get a lawyer
Call Thrifty to see if I can return the car to another location besides the airport.
Call Rent-A-Wreck to see what their monthly deal is.
Call the other guy's insurance company to see what the total damage is.
Figure out my Albuquerque plans (I don't remember anything about it other than having to fly Southwest).
Figure out exactly how much money I need for everything to get solved and figure out with what money I'll be paying people.
Pack for Albuquerque.

I'm becoming more and more like a morning person. If I don't get my errands done in the morning, they won't get done. I used to do a lot of them late at night. Now I really like being home at night. I really like early morning, when it's still quiet because no one else is awake. I used to only see those times if I stayed up all night. Now I've been waking up to see it (well, not to see the morning but becase I had to get up).

Brie's cousin reminds me of Yanna. They have the same attitude and same way of talking.

I just looked at the theatre listings for Arizona. They're so short, they list productions that are 6 months from now to make it look longer. Anyway, there are so many things I'd want to see if it wasn't Phoenix. Maybe I'll go to one or two before I leave anyway. Even if it's not very good, it'll still be something to do. I really should get out more. But every time I go out, I don't have a good time. Why should I keep forcing myself? Here are opportunities to go see a show (granted, they probably won't be very good) and I'm not taking them. Who cares? I might as well wait and see good theatre in New York. Why go to see a show just for the sake of seeing a show? Okay, I've now convinced myself that it's okay to stay home. Reading, watching movies, playing Jeopardy or other trivia games- these are all worthwhile activities that I can do at home.

My hair's getting long. Maybe I'll let it grow since with everything else going on, I probably won't take the time to cut it for a while.

I'm listening to the Dead Milkmen song, "You'll Dance to Anything". I remember listening to that with Jennifer Dale while driving around Hilton Head. She really liked it too. I got a Pikesville, theatre girl to listen to the Dead Milkmen... and like them!

My legs have been hurting me. I know it's from the way I sit but I can't seem to train myself to sit differently. I'll force myself to sit better and then 10 minutes later I'll unconsciously go back to my comfortable way.

Ugh, Brie and Marie (I'm 99% positive that's her name) are listening to loud rap music (in my opinion, an oxymoron) while having a little girly party. Right now they're doing face masks.

I talked to Eytan briefly tonight, but I really didn't feel like talking on the phone and I was sick of discussing the car thing. Oh well, we'll catch up some other time.

Brian sent me an email the other day asking for my mailing address since he had an article from the NY Times that he wanted to send me. Can't wait to see what it is. I hope it's one I haven't read. It was good hearing from him again.

I don't think I got across just how annoying this woman was last night. She was just one of those people that you can only listen to for a few minutes before wanting to knock her unconscious with a baseball bat.

I fell asleep on the couch last night and woke up when Brie came into the living room at 6:00 to paint her toenails before leaving for Vegas. I can't believe she would wake up early just to do that. Of course, I can't imagine wanting to take the time to do that ever. I think I've painted my toenails once. I'm just not very girly.

So, they left for Vegas around 8:00. As they were getting ready to leave I suddenly wished I could go. It just sounded like fun- get about 10 people together for a weekend of partying in Vegas. Of course the only problem with going with them would be the company. I'd have to find 10 different people to go with. The last multi-person road trip I took was with the IWII crowd to Lake Havasu on New Years Eve of '98. That was a fun time that I don't think about often. They were the perfect group to road trip with. It was good, clean fun. The best part was playing taboo in the hotel room on New Years Eve. Those people are so funny!!!!!! That night I laughed more than I ever had before.

Last night before I fell asleep, I had all these thoughts racing through my head. Of course I was too tired to get up and write them down. I really need to keep a notebook by my bed (or couch). Of course as soon as I do that, I'll stop having all those thoughts.

From out of nowhere I get the feeling of missing Eytan. I'm gonna go call him.

Rant of the day: Now that the woman below me had an exterminator come for her crickets, those crickets, in order to escape the poison, came up to my kitchen. Now I have 4 or 5 dead crickets in my kitchen. I think I'll eat take-out for a few days. Of course, tomorrow I'm leaving for Albuquerque so by the time I get back hopefully I'll have forgotten about the dead crickets.

At least I finally have my love of music back. I was beginning to wonder if it would return. I was getting a little sick of listening to "Rent" over and over every day. Now I can't seem to get enough of new and different. Right now I'm listening to "Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat" from Guys and Dolls- revival.

I'm more and more ready to move to New York. I hope there aren't too many other snags that will make this difficult. I know something will go wrong but I hope not too many things go wrong. I'm in a good mood tonight though and when I'm in a good mood it seems like nothing can go wrong.

I have to stop sitting comfortably. It's stretching the ligaments in my knee.

Before I leave I need to run a few errands, maybe make a few phone calls, and pack. Then I'm off for Albuquerque! I'm praying that terminal 4 won't be as crowded as it normally is. I'm hoping that a 5:00 PM flight will be less crowded than they normally are. These things should be possible but I'm not surprised by anything Phoenix travelers on Southwest do. It's really a unique breed of people. And I don't like them. They are ignorant travelers who won't get out of my way!! And the things they get away with carrying on the plane. I think my tiny suitcase should get priority over the enormous Disney shopping bags they all have. Oh well, hopefully it will be more painless than I'm anticipating.

For the first time ever, I worried I forgot to pack something. I know I didn't- don't know what made me panic.

Just got a flashback of being backstage at Pikesville High School for "Fiddler". I forgot all about doing that show until now

Airport stuff:
Well, the airport isn't that crowded but half of the people here don't speak English. I almost feel like I'm in Mexico. I hope the flight to Spoakanne leaves soon- I can't stand the woman's voice announcing the boarding. She's way too loud and chipper. The moving walkways at airports need to be wider. There's a huge space in the middle of the walkways that barely anyone uses- they all use the moving walkways. They should fit 2 people across comfortably. Those "walk left, stand right" signs do no good. People don't like to smash themselves against the wall to let the walkers through. I'm always stuck behind a stander who won't/can't let me pass. I guess that's what I get for being lazy. I bought something to eat. My total was $6.11. I gave the woman $20.25 so I wouldn't get back too much change. The woman looked confused and told me the total was $6.11. I said, "I know." She took the money and it took her 3-4 minutes to figure out how to give me my change. And the register showed how much I should get back. Then she handed me the money except my hand wasn't there to accept it so it went all over the counter. She said, "You're welcome" and walked away leaving me to pick up all the change. I never said thank you.

This morning I got up and after breakfast, dyed my hair (Ferria, Sunset Blaze). It doesn't look any different but it did cover up the grey. Then I called the Atomic Museum to find out their hours. The woman told me they were open till 5:00 and if I didn't have a sticker to get on the Air Force base, I would need proof of car insurance and current car registration. Geez, this car stuff is following me every where I go. Then I got stubborn and called back telling her I didn't have a car and was there anything else I could use to get on the base. She asked how I was getting there and I told her a cab. She said that shouldn't be a problem. So I managed to get on base!

The museum was okay. Some of the stuff that I learned from "Copenhagen" became more clear, but that's about it. It seemed like a place for the Air Force to show off their equipment and a place for New Mexicans to come and be proud of their test site during WWII. I think it would have been nice to include more information about other places that took part in research and testing of the Atomic Bomb. I mean, it's called the Atomic Musem- not the Los Alomos Museum. I understand that since it's in Albuquerque, they should have more about Los Alomos but it would have been nice to see more, especially about what was going on in Oka Ridge, TN (they really skipped over all of that).

So now I'm back at the hotel wondering what I should do with the rest of my day. I really wish I brought a book now. I feel like I'm getting a cold so it would be nice to rest. Of course there's no bookstore near here. The closest one that I know of is near the University. I could take a cab there but then since I don't want to go back and forth before the show, I'd be stuck there. That's not resting. Resting would be reading the book under the covers in my quiet hotel room. Well I have to do something, sitting here watching the Penn State game isn't doing it for me- although it is becoming a decent game. It's a beautiful day. Maybe I'll get a book and find somewhere to sit outside having some tea. Ok, here's the plan. I'll rest and watch TV for an hour and then I'll head over to the school and hang out till the show.

I really should have rented a car. Cabs here are expensive- $20 (including tip) for a 10 minute ride. Of course if I rented a car, I might have had some sort of problem getting on the Air Force base- doubtful but one never knows with my luck.

The Mets beat the Diamondbacks. Now they're 5� games behind the Mets in the Wild Card Race. Not good.

Yum! Lavander Mint tea! I'll have to try that at home!

Sometimes I wish I had the traditional 4 years of college ages 18-22. I'm watching UNM students come back into town after their summer, wherever. Everyone's part of little communities inside a big community. It looks like so much fun.

I slept around 8 hours last night- I must be getting sick. And- I finally remembered a dream! It's forgotten now though. All I remember is that there were 3 or 4 different parts and George was a part of one. He needs to stop getting in my dreams. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he told me that I wind up in a lot of his dreams too.

Wait. On the way out of the theatre I asked a woman where a good place to wait for a cab would be. A couple overheard me asking and offered me a ride. They seemed okay so I accepted. They live in some small town about 75 miles away. Our conversation turned to careers and she told me she was a home schooling mom of 4. The kids don't do any extra-curricular activities but all the kids at their church are also home schooled. Well, good Christian people are the best people to get a ride with, I guess.

Woke up at 7:30 but managed to go back to sleep until 8:30 and then again fell asleep until 9:30. I needed the sleep! I'm feeling better too. Maybe the almost-cold thing went away.

Cabs may be expensive but cab drivers sure are friendly in these parts. I've had some interesting conversations with all of them. Still, I can't wait to move to the city of fantastic transportation!

Now I sit in the quiet, small Albuquerque airport and wonder how delayed my flight will be.

Things that make you go Hmm:
A sign at a deli in the airport said, "Sorry, we no longer offer Green Chili soup with Chicken at this location". On the list of today's soups- the first one was Green Chili soup with Chicken. Hmm.

In a crappy Internet magazine an article mentioned that if you have a web site, you must have all the graphics and multimedia available- no use showing customers a site designed in 1995. Then on the next page of the article, it mentioned that you should be a minimalist. "When you visit a web site, and you have the option of a plainer version or a fully enhanced version, such as one with sound and animations, choose the plain one. Without add-ins such as Shockwave (which add visuals but doesn't generally add any useful content), you'll more quickly find everything you want." Hmm.

So now I'm home and my flight was only delayed 2 hours. And I couldn't figure out why it was delayed. They said our plane had left Oakland an hour and a half late this morning. Okay, then I don't know the details but they mentioned the following cities in reference to our plane: Denver, Tulsa, Las Vegas, and San Jose. Well, finally I guess someone in upper-management told them to send us another plane since they couldn't figure out where the right one was. The plane they sent us was coming in from Phoneix. Great, at least we knew there wouldn't be anyone on the plane when we got on and we could have more seats to choose from.

My cold is coming back. I don't feel too great right now. I'll try to go to bed early again tonight. Brie just told me she's sick too. Great, more germs around.

Oh yeah, the Albuquerque airport is very nice- reminded me of Austin. It had all local shops and restaurants (no McDonalds!), one terminal, and wasn't too crowded.

I'm still not feeling well. My throat hurts off and on and I'm really tired. I've spent a lot of the day watching TV with Brie. But I have managed to get some stuff done including going to the store for juice and medicine.

I couldn't sleep last night though. I slept on and off from midnight till 4:00 AM and then got up for a little while. Then I went back to sleep and slept off and on until Brie's cousin left for the airport at 9:00 AM. I think I was awake more than I was asleep.

I just realised that every time I write something about my parents, I write "my parents" or "my mother" or "my father". If this is a journal (which it is) that makes no sense. I won't do that anymore.

Paula looked at 2 apartments in New York yesterday and didn't like either (the bathrooms were too small for her). I have a feeling it's going to be hard pleasing her. Maybe we'll get lucky and find something that suits everyone.

Okay, I really have nothing to say today.

I've been writing Epinions again. Drop a few classes and find all this extra time. Of course I could be doing more important things with that time.

I just drove to the Thrifty Car Rental near the airport (there were no signs telling where it was like all the other car rental places so I finally had to get out my contract and look at the address on their letterhead) and returned the car. Then I took their van to the airport so I could get to the Supershuttle. I took a Supershuttle to Rent-A-Wreck in Scottsdale now I have a Ford Escort for a few months. This was easier than buying a car for a few months and then having to sell it. The woman gave me a really good deal too! On the way home I heard a report that there was a thunderstorm warning for all of Maricopa County from now until 5:14 PM. Where do they come up with these times? 5:14? Why not 5:15 or 5:18?

I think this cold thing is gone. Yesterday my throat hurt on and off and I was tired. Today I feel fine. Of course I felt fine Monday morning and then it came back in the evening. I don't even know what this thing is. It's like I'm almost sick but not quite. It's kind of lingering there, letting me know it's there, warning me if I don't watch it I could get the full thing soon. In fact, the last 3 times I felt like I was going to get sick, this happened. Not that I'm complaining. I don't want to get sick-sick. I can't even remember the last time I was sick-sick. I think it was before I moved to Arizona. No, I got sick Christmas of '98. In fact, Christmas of '99 was the first Christmas that I didn't get sick in 5 years. Let's hope that broke the spell. Christmas is a horrible time to get sick.

Another confession... Since everyone in the world seems to love food and talk about food all the time using descriptive adjectives, sometimes I forget that I don't feel that way and start thinking about food in descriptive adjectives or start finding someone talking about food with descriptive adjectives exciting. Then I remember I don't really like food all that much. Sometimes I forget for a while, go pick up some food that sounds delicious at the time, take a bite and it doesn't taste good or I just don't feel like eating it. Why do I do that?

Cool! We're having another major rain storm- the 2nd one this week. Finally, monsoon season is here. Maybe some of those fires will stop burning. I love summer thunder storms!

OK, now I'm scared something will happen to Harvey. There's no sense worrying until there's something to worry about, but easier said than done.

Well, Paula just called and said he's not getting any worse (thanks to Aleve) so they'll wait until the morning to go to the doctor.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Sitting next to me at "Phantom" was the Assistant Secretary of the Interior for the Carter Administration. I thought that was pretty cool. We talked before the show and during intermission about our jobs and about theatre.

Jeff & Brie are watching "200 Cigarettes" and Jeff's laying on the couch. My couch. Ugh.

I'm 95% numb right now.

My Amazon page wants me to read a book by Stephen Ambrose. I never even rated the one I read this summer. I wonder why it wants me to read another one?

Jeff just left!!!! I always feel so much better after he leaves. I guess I could ask Brie if he can not come over here as much, but it's not worth it. I'll only be here a few more months and he really doesn't bother me THAT much. I just look forward to his leaving.

Last night I tried forcing myself to stay awake- the goal was that when I finally lied down, I'd be so happy to be able to go to sleep, I'd fall asleep quickly. It didn't work.

This morning, the dueling tree trimmers were outside each trying to see who could be the loudest and piss off the most residents. I'd say they tied! Ugh, why do they have to do this at 7:30 in the morning?

Harvey should be fine. The doctor said it was probably just fluid in the lungs which should get better by itself. However, the doctor heard a heart murmur which should be checked out. He's going for a cardiogram either tomorrow or Tuesday, whenever they can fit him in. I hope this busy weekend doesn't make things worse. He'd better not push himself. Maybe he can skip the wedding. In which case Paula would skip it too since she doesn't really drive anymore and definitely doesn't drive at night (Harvey had to drive himself to the hospital at 1:30 AM since Paula was too scared to drive a car she's never driven before at night). I think they should skip the wedding. They go to enough of Steve's functions. They'll probably be too tired to go after working all day. Kim will understand if they can't go.

I might be going to Salt Lake City after Thanksgiving with Neil and Maxine. Or we might go to San Diego or somewhere else. It's up to them. I'd prefer Salt Lake City since I haven't really spent much time there.

This music is making me really mellow. It's too early to be mellow. I should listen to something else.

Now I'm listening to "Shape". I love the 2nd song- "Horrible". It reminds me of sitting backstage during "The Bald Soprano". God that was a fun show. Sometimes I really miss doing theatre.

I had the urge to go see a movie tonight. I thought "Cecil B. Demented" would be playing at Camelview 5 but it's not. Oh well, there's nothing else I really want to see that's out right now. I guess I'll stay home and watch another John Water's movie. Like "Pecker" which I taped the other night and never got to watch.

I'm having trouble finding a flight to Baltimore in November. US Air only offers one flight now (what happened to the 2 morning flights) and it doesn't get in until 8:00. And that's if it's on time which we all know it won't be. But I'll take the flight if nothing else is available. So then I checked American and they also offer one flight that gets in a little earlier but there were no seats available for 2 of the legs. So that doesn't work. I REALLY don't want to take Southwest. I don't even like it for little trips (especially the last one to Albuquerque) but a trip across the country sounds horrible. America West I wouldn't take anyway but now I really don't want to since they might not be around in November if the FAA has their way. United doesn't fly from PHX to BWI, Delta doesn't either, Northwest doesn't either, TWA does but only one flight through St. Louis that gets in at 11:00 PM. I guess I'll have to go with the US Air flight (which I'd rather do anyway since I've had the best luck with them (sort of) and I have the most miles with them. Eytan said he could pick me up that night. Now I just have to figure out if the dates I have in mind are really the best dates to go. I also sort of want to allow time just in case I get stuck in Charlotte on the way there. That's pathetic but I guess a little necessary. I can't miss work. So I'll leave a few days early and hang out in Baltimore before New York. It's not a bad idea. I'm so sick of flying back and forth out of Phoenix, especially to the east coast where there's even less of a chance of getting in close to on time. If America West has to shut down, I'll be curious to see what airlines add flights to Phoenix. Figures, I'm moving just as more flights out of Phoenix appear. Oh well. I think it would benefit American more than any other. They just started offering a few flights from Phoenix to some cities in California so they're becoming more known in Phoenix. If they had more use of the Phoenix airport, they could use it for rerouting in case there's a problem in Dallas. None of the other airlines have enough of a presence in Phoenix to make it worth competing with Southwest. But what do I know? I'm just a semi-frequent flier.

Journal
Home Page