APRIL

Well, I guess I'll just jump right in.
Today I worked, studied for a computer test that's tomorrow, and dyed Easter Eggs with my roommate and her boyfriend. It was strange hanging out with her for so long. I think we spent more time hanging out tonight than the total time combined since she moved in. The dying process wasn't like I remembered it from the last time I dyed eggs; whenever that was. The dye wasn't as strong (it took 30 minutes for the colour to get dark and even then it wasn't great). Oh well, they may not be award winning eggs but at least they make my apartment a little more festive.

I just got back from Austin, TX on Tuesday morning. I was meeting Rebecca there. It was a lot of fun but the weather SUCKED!! It was either rainy, cloudy, or windy the whole time. So, we got to do a lot of indoor stuff as opposed to the outdoor stuff we were expecting to do. The LBJ museum was cool although a little slanted. We went to a play called "Bucky", a one-man show done as Buckminster Fuller giving a lecture to an audience. The information presented was amazing but the performance wasn't that fresh. His movements seemed too rehearsed. We found an awesome Irish Pub (I wish I could remember the name). It's decor was interesting; it felt a bit like "Alice in Wonderland". As you walk through, there are little sections each with a slightly different personality. We found a little nook with a fireplace and wooden rocking chairs. Monday night we went to Karaoke. I got to sing but the woman hosting it was watching the clock, which hadn't been changed for daylight savings, and so they had to kick us out even though everyone didn't get a chance to sing (including Rebecca). She was looking forward to it (although she was very nervous) since she's never done it before. I wanted to hear her give it a shot too. Oh well, maybe next time.

I wanted to do so much more today. I wanted to work out; pay my bills; and fight with my long distance company, car insurance company, and cable company on the phone. Now I have to wait till Friday. Why are there never enough hours in the day? No matter how many hours I'm awake (which has been about 19-21 hours recently), I still don't get everything done that I wanted to get done.

I got called by the Census Bureau this morning. They want to hire me for a full time clerical job. Why? I'm trying to figure that out. I applied a month ago for a Census taker position and yesterday they called me to tell me they wanted me for that position. Unfortunately, I'll be out of town for some of the days- they wanted me for a 9 week period, about 20-25 hours per week. Oh well. So, I thought that was it and then this call this morning. Why would they want me for a clerical position? Do they need so much help that they don't bother to see a resume before hiring? I didn't even apply for a clerical position. They don't know my typing skills, computer skills, etc. I'm going to call them tomorrow to find out details. Not that I need (or can even handle, with school and all) a full time job, but I'm curious anyway. I think it would interesting to work for the government for a brief period of time.

I don't think I did too well on my Excel test. I knew all the stuff really well, but the questions were worded in strange ways. How can you choose your best answer when your answer is "none of the above" (and that's not an option)? Maybe I did better than I thought. I also didn't do that well on my speech from last week. I thought it was great. The instructor seemed to like it and everyone in the class was really interested. It was well organised and I mentioned everything that I meant to. Now, she decides it's not long enough. I didn't spend 2-3 minutes on each section. That sucks!!!!! If you have a well organised speech, who cares how long you spend on each section? I'm gonna talk to her about it on Tuesday.

IWII Theatre is having their production of "Much Ado About Nothing" this weekend and next. I found out when I read the paper this morning. WOW! I wonder who's in it? Who's playing Beatrice (my favourite Shakespearean role)? I guess I should go see it. I might have a date this weekend, maybe if we do wind up getting together, I can suggest going there. This date thing is weird. It's a guy who started emailing me a few weeks ago. I HATE online dating things. The whole idea of it is just bizarre. Of course, dating in general is bizarre, who cares where you meet them, it's still a weird concept. But... I haven't really been out in... I don't even know how long (unless you count the three guys in California). So, why not? As long as it's a friendly, casual thing then why not? I'll have the chance to meet someone new. If we get along, great; if not, then I won't have to see him again. I guess it's not that big of a deal. At least it'll be something different to do. It'll get me out of the house. I've really either been a work-a-holic recently or I've been out of town. I don't remember the last time I went out in Phoenix. Okay, now I'm looking forward to this and hope it doesn't fall through.

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Well, I got hired by the Census Bureau as a Selction person. What is this? You call people to offer them a job as a Census taker. Sounds pretty easy. I work 3 nights a week plus Saturday and Sunday for a month and get paid well! It's perfect- the hours are exactly what I'm looking for, it's only for a month, it pays well, and now I'll have worked for the government so it should be easy to get another government job should that opportunity ever arise. I find out tomorrow the details- where, when, etc. The only snag will be if they make me take a drug test. Whether I do drugs or not should be my decision. If it becomes a problem with my work, then they can require a test and/or fire me. So, if I have to take a test, I won't take the job. The drugs issue in this country is getting out of hand. WAY TOO MUCH money is being spent on "The Drug War" and drug testing EVERYONE is part of it. I think they should only give tests when the person's work habits aren't good and they suspect drugs might be a problem. This should go for alcohol as well. Just because alcohol is legal, doesn't mean it doesn't present a problem in the workplace. In fact, I think alcohol can be more of a problem than some illegal drugs. Then there are other medications; I've seen people loaded up on allergy medication and it effects their work. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into an essay on the drug war...

I'm just gonna stay home and chill tonight; maybe watch a movie. I've had a busy day. I've been on the phone a lot more than normal. I hate talking on the phone (except to a few select people). It was a beautiful day here today in sunny ol' Phoenix. I managed to take some of my work to the pool and sit out there a while. It's amazing to see so many people sitting around the pool during the day. I know some people don't work or work at night, but there were 20 or so people at the pool around 2:00 this afternoon. That's almost as many as there are on the weekends. While I'm on the subject, people are all over the place during the day, besides at work. The traffic in this city is horrible all day, rather than just at rush hour like most cities. WHERE ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE GOING?????????

Why is Austin such a bizarre city for me? So much of my life keeps getting tied back to Austin. Let's start with B. B is in Austin. Austin represents that person's home in my mind. Everything tied to that person was tied to Austin. Years later, B isn't a factor anymore. A became a factor. Few years later, A is no longer a real factor. I go to Austin. Three days later A mentions Austin. The same situation is taking place (but in reverse) with A as with B years before. And it all ties to Austin. How much coincidence (for lack of a better word) can surround a city?

I feel so ambitious today but don't know what to do. I got up really early and went food shopping- FINALLY, I really needed to go about 2 weeks ago. I just feel like I'm out of town so often so I don't want to buy perishable stuff so I wind up not buying anything at all. I really wanted to go for a bike ride today but I don't have a bike and even if I did I don't know if I remember how to ride. I haven't ridden a bike in... maybe... 10 years? It hurts my knees so I stopped riding. But every once in a while I get the urge to go for a ride. Oh well, it'll pass. I have all this energy and don't know what to do with it. This is driving me crazy. Maybe if I sit here and type long enough, inpriration will strike........................ Maybe not. I wish I knew more people in Phoenix. I don't have that much time to socialise but when I do it would be nice to be able to call someone and get together. Okay, now I have the urge to do lots of things but none of them are possible. I want to play volleyball or tennis, go skydiving, play the piano (I guess that could be possible if I found somewhere that I could play)... Maybe I'll go see a show tonight. It just seems like every time I have free time on the weekends, nothing good is playing. This weekend I have the options of "Measure for Measure" , "Two Gentlemen of Verona" , "As You Like It" (are we detecting a theme here?), "Lion in Winter" , "Brigadoon" , and "Six Degrees of Separation" . I'll probably wind up at "Two Gentlemen of Verona" or "Brigadoon" (I'm feeling Scotish today). Oh yeah, my roommate's parents are coming into town tonight. She said she might be going out with them and I was welcome to come along. Well, if they get here before I would leave for the theatre, and they're doing something that sounds fun, I'll go with them. If not, I'm off to bloody "Brigadoon" ... I think.

I feel like procrastinating today. So far, the only thing I've done is take out the trash. I still need to work, do laundry and go to Walgreens. Well, it's only early afternoon, I have plenty of time.

Last night I wound up going out with my roommate, her boyfriend, and her parents to dinner and karaoke. We had dinner at this crappy family style Italian restaurant in Scottsdale. I think it was called something like Buca... It doesn't matter, hopefully I'll never go back there. We had an hour wait in the most crowded bar. Then we finally got to sit and eat our dinner and the pasta was GREASY! The restaurant was SO NOISY!!!! I couldn't even hear the guy next to me- and he's loud. Karaoke was fun but a little much. My roommate and her family are... from a different background than myself. They are so obnoxious and loud!!! Brie sang "I Touch Myself" by the Divinals and felt the need to demonstrate the title while strutting around the room. Well at least they all enjoyed themselves. I might not have minded as much if I was drunk. I had a few drinks but felt completely sober. It wasn't worth hurting my stomach to drink anymore just to tolerate Brie and her family, so I just stuck to water. At least I got to sing a few songs. One guy there asked me to do a duet with him. We did California Dreamin' which was... interesting. I don't think it worked too well actually but I'm so picky. It's only karaoke; not a professional music concert. People don't care what you sound like- they're all drunk. Still, I just like to know, for myself, that I sang well.

Tonight I'm going to dinner with Sean, that online guy. We're meeting at RA- a sushi place right across the street from last night's restaurant. I guess I'm trying out all the downtown Scottsdale joints. I hope tonight isn't too date-like. I really am just looking for people to hang out with once in a while, I don't have time for a serious relationship.

Here's an interesting concept, I'm doing a little business consulting. That's Jeff's job, not mine. This company is asking me about getting taken over by another company. They want me to find out about their web site and stock info. So far, from what I've seen, it seems like a good deal if they can get enough money upfront. It was fun looking up this stuff. I felt important. Sometimes I just love the business world. It was nice to know though, that I won't be effected by this deal. I could know all the information and see what I would do in the situation but not have to take the risk. I guess this is why those "fantasy trading" web sites are so popular. It gives you the opportunity to feel like you're trading but you don't have to risk your money.

Last night was fun. Sean and I had dinner at Ra's and then went to the Blarney Stone. There was an interesting band there (didn't catch their name) that did covers from Janis Joplin to Van Morrison. They all were very different and I was wondering how they all got together.

I couldn't sleep last night. I watched 2 crappy movies (Simon Birch and Pretty Baby) on TV until 5 AM and then dozed off for a couple hours on the couch. I woke up at 7:30 when Brie's parents came into the living room. Now I'm trying to get some work done and hopefully I'll go to Walgreens soon. I was going to go yesterday but didn't feel like it. I've had a role of film waiting to be developed for over a month. Usually I'm really quick about taking roles and getting them developed right away. I don't know why it's taking so long this time. I don't even remember what's on it. Okay, I've now made myself curious enough to leave now and go to Walgreens...

I'm starting my Census job tomorrow. Now that it's starting, I'm not looking forward to it as much as I was when I first found out about it. I'm scared it's gonna be really boring, tiring, and everyone who works there will be idiots. I guess if you let me think about something long enough, I can come up with all kinds of things that probably aren't going to happen. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Andy and I have been emailing again recently. I'm glad. I've missed hearing from him.

I actually did well (98%) on my Excel test! :)

I'm trying to arrange my travel arrangements for the east coast next month. All of my choices are less than perfect. It's hard when once choice doesn't stand out more than the rest. I just have to pick any one of the less than perfect ones and hope I made a smart choice. I don't know what day to leave, what day to return, where to stay in Baltimore part of the time, where to rent a car, whether or not I should keep the car the whole time or return it for the times I won't need it, when I should visit East Carolina and Radford , if I should even visit Radford since school won't be in session and I already know the area and why waste my time, and I don't know how to get back and forth from New York. I should just pick my choices and stick to them (especially the ones where I'll make reservations). Then I can't think about it anymore. I just never know if I'm getting the best deal. I keep thinking every time I find a good deal that I'll find a better one if I just keep looking a little longer. This gets EXHAUSTING!!!! I really need to stop doing that. As long as I find something acceptable that should be good enough. Why waste time and energy trying to find something that might save you $20 or earn you more airline miles?

Government jobs- WOW! It's only my first day and I got to see first-hand how poorly government agencies are run. WHAT A MESS!! There were only about 10 people working tonight and none of them seem to have a personality. Is this possible? Does working for the government make you lose your personality- or at least makes you check it at the door on your way in? Cliff, the guy training me, is the slowest person I've ever had to work with. I think I could work twice as fast as he can but I just have to sit there and listen to him explain everything and then watch him do it. It's more fun to watch molassas drip from a jar. All this aside, I actually left with a positive feeling. It was almost fun. Perhaps because I'm new and I didn't have any real responsibility yet. But it looks like it won't be too bad. Yea!

My sleeping habits have been horrible recently. I've been falling alseep on the couch for 3-4 hours every night (actually, early morning). I'm back to my old ways. I hope Brie can handle it. I was determined to, once she moved in, sleep in my bed like a normal person. I was doing so well. I managed to sleep in my bed AND get to sleep before 3 AM for a couple months. Now it's 11:00 and I'm WIRED!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I'm in for another night of watching movies on the couch.

I HATE AIRLINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to find a flight to Baltimore from Phoenix and it's next to impossible. I refuse to fly America West and really prefer American or US Air. Unfortunately, the time of arrival on both airlines is too late for me. US Air used to have a 6:30 AM flight through Pittsburgh which they got rid of and they're now making you fly through Phili at 7:30. Every time I fly through Phili my flight is delayed at least an hour. I refuse to fly through there again. My only option with US Air is to fly through Charlotte or Pittsburgh and flights through there leave, at the earliest, 11 AM. With American, I can get an early flight through Dallas but the flight is $150 dollars more. It's hard to get out of Phoenix (going east) without going on America West. Delta doesn't, United does but with very limited flights, TWA does but again with very limited flights. I could fly Southwest if I want to take all day getting there and dealing with infrequent flyers. I can't stand flying Southwest out of Phoenix. These people in Phoenix are the stupidest people I've ever seen on airplanes. They have no clue how to board, stow their luggage, buckle their seatbelts, and (the worst) have no idea how to GET OFF THE PLANE!!!!!!!! I don't know about them, but after an uncomfortable flight in tiny seats, I want to get the hell off the plane. These people seem to take their sweet old time. So forget Southwest. I'll probably wind up on the US Air flight through Charlotte and just get in to Baltimore late at night (which I REALLY don't like doing by myself). I just hope there's a Supershuttle available quickly. BWI is REALLY creepy at night (or at least the last time I arrived there at night). There isn't anyone around, not even cabs or police which I thought were there all the time.

Who has changed my life? Who has changed my life? What a dramatic question! This is the topic for my final speech. Yuck! Why did everyone pick this topic? I don't think any one person changed my life. I think I change my life and many, MANY people along the way have helped shape it. I can't just pick someone and try to make it as sappy and dramatic as possible. It wouldn't come of as sincere. I know my little-Miss-Good Samaritan teacher is looking for these beautiful life changing events. "When I was 5, I watched my uncle, the doctor, save a bleeding man's life. Ever since that day I have dreamed of becoming a doctor. I've applied to med schools and got in my top choice so I'm well on my way of having my dream come true." I wish I had something dramatic like that to talk about. It would make this assignment a lot easier. I don't know how to pick one person and have enough to talk about for 10 minutes. Maybe I should think of a point my life changed dramatically (shouldn't be too hard, my life seems to change almost every year) and see if any one person was responsible for it. Or maybe if I explain to her my problems she'll let me do a different topic. Or maybe I'm taking this way too seriously. I should just pick a damn topic, add to it as necessary, and just get it over with. It's a speech for a class, for a grade- it's not overly important.

I've been having a lot of revalations lately. The problem is that I don't remember all of them. I've even been having revalations about having revalations. I just wish I had the sense to write it down when they happen and then I won't have to rack my brain later trying to remember all of them. They happen at the oddest times too. The revalation about the revalations happened while walking from my car to my first class this morning. It's kind of fun having all these moments of clarity.

Work was fun tonight. There's a guy, Gary, who's a pretty neat guy. He likes to travel, go to pubs, and he's even from the DC area so we had lots to talk about. The time went by really quickly now that I'm catching onto things and can chat while I work. Another guy, Dean, is from the DC/Virginia area as well. These are the first people I've met here in Phoenix that are from my hometown area. I should ask them if they've heard of my town, Brookville . Not many people know where it is. It's claim to fame is that it was capitol for a day during the War of 1812. I only lived there until I was 8 but I'd rather say that Brookville is my hometown than Baltimore.

Work was exhausting today. It didn't feel like it while I was there but as soon as I got in the car to go home, I was BEAT! Now I'm home and still pretty tired. I'm supposed to go out tonight for Brie's birthday. They're going mini-golfing and then to a bar. I don't think I'll make the mini-golfing since #1, I'm tired, #2, I just went mini-golfing in Austin and it wasn't as exciting as it was when I was a kid, #3, I don't like Brie or her friends anyway so why spend more time with them? But I probably will meet them at a bar later if I can get a hold of her and find out where. What I'd really like to do is have someone over here, have a few drinks and watch a movie. When did I become such a homebody? I used to go out every night of the week if I could. Now the only reason I'll go out is to go see a show, movie, or go to a restaurant. Am I getting old? I can't stand bars unless they aren't crowded, I haven't gone dancing in years, the thought of going to a party where I don't know most people sounds dreadful... Oh well, at least I'm happy staying home. It's not like I want to go out and just can't afford it, can't find the time, or don't have anyone to go with.

I am doing a great job of procrastinating tonight! I didn't go meet Brie and her friends, I haven't done any work. I talked to Sean for around 2 hours on the phone, now I'm chatting with Laurel online and writing this. My intention was to do a little work but now that I'm not going to my Census job tomorrow until 2:00, I can save my work till tomorrow morning before I leave.

Here's one of the reasons I do not like ICQ . This is a little "conversation" I had with a fellow ICQer tonight.
Guy: hello. I saw you on my list and wondered how you got there. I looked for a history and could not find one. I wonder if you and I have ever talked before?
Me: no, we haven't, I don't know why I am on your list.
Guy: its nice to meet you. have you or did you add me to you list? would you like to chat?
Me: no, and no. I don't chat with strangers.
Guy: how do you meet anyone new if you dont talk to new people on ICQ?
Me: I don't want to meet "anyone new". I use ICQ to talk to my out-of-town friends.
Guy: i am sorry...
Me: that's okay.

It would have been fine if it ended there.

Guy: I am 25, live in Mesa and work as a Network Admin. How old are you? Do you goto school or work?
Me: did I not tell you that I don't want to chat with strangers?
Guy: then you should remove yourself from the ICQ white pages and turn off your chat feature so people will not find you randomly.
Me: No, then people I WANT to find me will not find me. I shouldn't have to do that just so people like you won't contact me randomly (or at least stop contacting me after I tell them I don't want them to). ICQ is not a dating place. It's not a place for strangers to meet. It can be used for that but not everyone wants to. You should just go find someone else who wants to chat with you
Guy: what are you scared of? its not like i know where you live or what you do? i can not find out that information unless you really want me to know. the world is such a wonderful place with such wonderful people. wouldn't like like to meet one or two? how did you find your current friends that you talk to on ICQ?
Me: I don't want to "meet" people online. I think that the internet has provided us a way to get further away from our communities and allows us to lack social skills. I like face-to-face talks or even by telephone (if I already know the person). And I've met my friends through work, school, other friends, and clubs (activity clubs not dance clubs). I've met many wonderful people this way and the Internet lets me keep more in touch with them.

This is when I decided to ignore him. I didn't want to continue this ridiculous "conversation". I don't even feel that strongly about the "meeting people online" issue, but people like this make me want to argue sometimes

Last night I went to Eddie Matney's for dinner and had a waiter that looked EXACTLY like Mark from Rent . I was almost finished my dinner when I decided I had to say something to him. I never would have said something if I was in New York, but in Phoenix- why not? To my surprise, he knew who I was talking about and said that other people told him the same thing. I convinced him to send in his picture to the casting people. The dinner was great. I had grilled halibut on a bed of pasta and a glass of Pinot Gris (actually 3 glasses). The staff was a lot of fun. There was one waiter, George, who kept coming over to talk to me and was flirting with me. He was gorgeous! I guess I'll have to go back sometime (if only it wasn't so expensive)...

I got a flat tire tonight on my way to work. It took a little over an hour to get fixed. Fortunately I was near a gas station. After it was fixed, I didn't feel like going to work so I just told them I had to leave my car at a mechanic and I couldn't make it in. If I didn't have so much to do, I would have gone. But I have tons of my own work to do, I just spent an hour going through the mail from the past 4 days, and I stopped at the food store for a few things on my way home(I'd been in the mood for corn).

Today I was stressing out about everything- work, school, making travel plans, financial stuff... It seems like that for each problem I try to solve, 2 new ones are created. I was getting exhausted, especially with the travel plans. I was trying to figure out how to get to Knoxville from Baltimore. The best way I can do that is to fly from Dulles to Roanoke and have Josh pick me up there. There should be an easier way, but there's not. Then I was trying to rent a car from BWI and return it to another location in Baltimore. I thought that if you're returning to the same city there wouldn't be an extra charge. Well Hertz, Avis, Thrifty, and Alamo only have locations at the airport and Budget has a location in Towson but they charge $472 extra since that location isn't part of their corporate chain. I'm giving up and just finding a place to stay in Towson and then I won't need a car (or at least for the first few days). I'll rent a Rent-A-Wreck after I get back from New York. It's amazing that they're $500 cheaper than most car rental companies for a monthly rental.

I think I finally figured out who I can talk about for my final speech. I'm going to talk about how my 2nd grade teacher changed my life. I think my point is, is that before her, I thought kids made fun of kids and adults were supposed to be accepting of kids. After that class, I learned that adults can be just as mean and ignorant as kids. Now I just have to figure out a way to make it 10 minutes long and in the proper format. I guess I'll have to work on that over the weekend.

I'm still not getting my travel plans worked out. I can't find a place to stay in Baltimore. I know I can stay with Eytan part of the time (I'm glad he's decided that was acceptable), but the rest of the time I don't know what to do. All the hotels are either too expensive or sold out. I'm getting really frustrated!! I can't think about it anymore today. I've wasted too much time already and I have 50 things that I NEED to do today before work- like get an oil change, workout, work a little bit on my speech...

I'm going to the Jethro Tull concert in Knoxville, TN on June 29th with Josh and Andy. That should be interesting! It's much more fun to go to a show with other fans (especially when they're good friends).

I woke feeling EXTERMELY HAPPY today. There's no reason; I don't understand it. I still feel happy even with all the crap I've been dealing with all morning. I haven't felt this happy in a long time and I don't think I've ever felt happy for no reason. It's kind of fun!!

Brie's out of town for a week. It's nice to have my apartment to myself again. She really isn't a bad roommate though. She's not home too much, she's considerate, she's responsible, and she's fairly neat. I don't like her as a person all that much but as a roommate she's great. I think it's better when you're not friends with your roommate. When you live with friends, it can cause problems.

I finally got my travel plans worked out! I found a place to stay in Baltimore AND a US Air flight for only $227! I didn't think I could get a flight with them cheaper than $275. Airlines are so confusing. Hotels do the same thing. There are 50 different prices for each set thing (room, seat, etc). So you either get lucky and reserve at the time when a good price is available or you don't get lucky and get one of the more expensive fares. Oh well, at least I got lucky. I get lucky so rarely that when I do it's a serious cause for a celebration. Not that I'm going to celebrate, but I should.

Oh, and I can't choose my second grade teacher for my speech since it now has to be someone we admire (and think our instructor just added that little fact at the last class). So, I'm going to do Spalding Gray. Not that he's changed my life, but I can talk glowingly (is that a word?) about him for long enough to make a good speech (I hope). I should have started working on it yesterday but I didn't. I should have gotten an oil change yesterday but I didn't. And it's LONG overdue!! I don't even remember the last time I did it. I'll have to do it tomorrow even if I have to drag myself kicking and screaming.

Everyone I know is either in, going to, or just gotten back from Europe. I wanna go too!! I don't think I'll be able to for a long time though unless I go in December. But I don't want to do that. The Christmas season is so depressing for me, I don't want to be depressed in another country. That would suck. So I guess Europe will have to wait a while.

Why didn't anyone tell me about the cool new feature on the Internet Movie Database? You can keep track of movies you own, want to buy, and want to see. I love it. It's a great way for me to keep track of all the movies people recommend to me. Right now I have about 20 pieces of paper with movie titles written on them and I never remember to look at them before I go to Blockbuster. Now I can just go to IMDB and look at my list before going to rent a movie. I know it's not that big of a deal but it's a convenient way to keep track of all these movies. I wish I lived in a real city with good movie stores. Blockbuster hardly has any non-mainstream movies. I miss Video Americain. There are so many times I go to Blockbuster only to find that they don't have anything I want to rent. That's why I've been renting a lot of new releases. At least they're available for a while. If I wait too long for an unpopular movie, the movie will be gone. Most of the non-new releases I've either seen already or don't want to see.

Thank God for Easter. I won't have to work on Sunday! That means I can spend most of the day cleaning and writing my speech. I thought I was going to have to do it this morning. Now I got to use the morning for work, working out, and making a few phone calls. Then later this afternoon I'll go get an oil change before I head off to work. Things are good.

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I've been in my manic stage for the past month and I get this inspirations/revelations ALL THE TIME, although usually late at night. I've somehow decided that after midnight is NOT a time to be productive. After midnight is a time to goof off or do something unimportant but productive, like design web sites for people who may or may not be interested (friend's companies, etc.). I think I finally fell asleep around 5:00 this morning. Now, I'm finally waking up.

The one weekend I can go see a show, nothing's playing. Sean and I were going to see "Hair", but I've read two REALLY awful things about it. They cast has no idea what the meaning of the show is. It starts off in modern times where they're a bunch of homeless people, drug addicts and prostitutes and then they remember what it was like in the 60's. The reviewer said that the opening of the show was the only time the cast was believable. The only good thing anyone could say was, "The music is the same." Another thing a reviewer said was, "Maybe if it was well acted and presented, it would have been better." I'm not going to waste my time with this. And there's nothing else playing. Maybe because it's Easter weekend? I don't know. All I know is that I'd rather see a movie than any theatre in the valley this weekend.

I finally starting working on my Spalding Gray speech. I think I have a good start but I really needed a break before I did any more with it. I'm so tired. I almost feel like I'm getting sick. BUT I CAN'T!!! I don't have time to get sick until August. So, I'm drinking my tea with eccinacea and hoping that it will not let me get sick. I think it's strange that all these herbs have become mainstream. I've been taking this stuff for years but could only get it at specialised stores. Now I can get it anywhere- including Circle K. Of course, the Circle K kinds aren't as good. Anyway, I don't think I'll get sick. I felt like this a few times last year and I never got sick. I don't really get sick much anymore. How wonderful!! Of course, now that I said that, I probably will get sick...

I saw "High Fidelity" last night with Sean. I was scared I wasn't going to like it since the previews made it look really stupid, but I was impressed! I didn't really care about the story-line, but I loved it from the movie industry standpoint and a music lover standpoint. I especially could relate to the part when John Cusak's character talks about making compilations. "There are rules!!" It was cool hearing them mention all these bands; bands that I'm sure most people in the audience has never heard of. After watching it, I wanted to listen to all my music at once. We went to the Dubliner (an Irish Pub) after the movie and on the way there (which is a 5 mile drive), I listened to 3 tapes. I couldn't figure out which one I wanted to listen to. Now I'm dying to get my stereo fixed and start making compilations again. I used to be the queen of compilations, but I haven't made any since last summer. Okay, I'm going to try to fix my stereo tomorrow!

I've been putting off writing since every time I sit down I have too much to say and don't want to take the time. So I'm finally forcing myself to take a few minutes.

My speech has been giving me problems. I worked on my Spalding Gray speech and it wasn't turning out very good. Then after yesterday's class where everyone talked about someone close to them and told these sappy stories, the instructor decided to tell us how much she loved the speeches, how successful they were, and how we should all try to do what they did. Well... I got exhausted. I couldn't concentrate on anything the rest of the day. I felt empty, blank, invisible, on another plane... So now, after trying to come up with someone all over again, I decided on my mother's father. Not that he changed my life, but he had a positive attitude that could have changed my life. It's exactly the kind of thing my hippy teacher would want to hear. So I'm sacrificing my personality for a grade. I hope I can do sappy without cracking up. I can just picture myself standing up there, listening to the words coming out of my mouth, and roll over in a fit of uncontrolable laughter. The reason I chose him was because I can tell of the coincidence about Provincetown. One day, he decided to take a family vacation to Provincetown, MA. He piled the family in the car, drove there, couldn't find any parking, turned around and went home. I never knew this story. One day, when I was in Boston, I decided to take a side trip to Provincetown. I drove all the way there, couldn't find any parking, turned around and went home. How strange and what a bizarre coincidence! So, I can tell the class that not only do I have his good qualities, I also have one of his bad ones- impatience.

I really felt miserable yesterday. I just lost it and I don't know where all of it came from. I woke up happy as a clam and by 1:00 PM, I was almost in tears. Today, I'm back to feeling good. I guess I was just having a bad day. It could have had something to do with everyone giving speeches on a close family member that changed their lives. I wish I had a big family that was close. Then I too, could have a family member who had a major impact on my life. It doesn't help that I don't have too many close friends either. Okay, that's enough of that.

Why is it that when I have tons to say, I'm not sitting in front of my computer to write it all down? And then when I'm sitting in front of my computer, my mind goes blank? This was strange- I was looking through my closet and found some of my old notebooks. I picked up a random one and most of the writing was from April 15-30, 1996. I haven't looked at it since then, so I got to read about my life as it was exactly 4 years ago, for the first time since then. Wow, I had forgotten some of the details. Then I began remembering everything as if it happened yesterday. Why does my life change so drastically from year to year? Maybe that's why it was so hard for me to come up with someone who changed my life. Because I don't have the same people in my life for more than a year. Every single person I had written about in that notebook I no longer speak to (except one, but that doesn't even count). In the past 5 years, I've lived in so many places, had so many different brief friendships, had so many different interests, had several jobs... What an inconsistant mess!!!!! That's why I'm so happy with school now. This is the longest I've ever been at a school. It's the longest amount of time I've spent on a specific goal. Even though I'll be transfering to another school soon, I'll still be focusing on the same goal. It's so great to have a goal in my life. Usually my goals change from year to year. Maybe now that I'm sticking to this one, I can find another goal to work towards as well. Then I'll really feel like a normal human being.

Here am I again 3 hours later. I guess I'm making up for lost time. I was thinking about something Buckmeister Fuller said. Your mind thinks in non-linear time. That's why you'll be thinking about an answer to something and you can't come up with it. And then 5 days later it'll pop in your head or you'll have a dream about it. Or you'll be sitting around and suddenly you remember something you did when you were 10 years old. You think the thought came from no where. Non-linear time- I think that's the perfect explanation.

Right now I'm listening to the "Chattanooga Choo-Choo". I don't think I've ever heard the WHOLE song before. It's pretty cool!

I GAVE MY FINAL SPEECH!! It actually went pretty well. I just wish I was louder. All my other speeches were really loud, I don't know what happened with this one. Perhaps because the other ones were more prepared so I was confidently presenting something and therefore loud. This one was off the top of my head and less prepared so I wasn't as confident and therefore fairly quiet. Who cares, at least it's done. Now I just have to introduce Dallas' speech next Thursday, have my computer final on the 9th and a french final on God knows what and God knows when. And then I'll be done with school till July!!!!!!!!!

It's getting HOT here in Phoenix. It was 102� yesterday and about the same today, I think. It's raining in Baltimore (hey, isn't that a Counting Crows song?) and will continue to rain for the next week. I'm SO glad I don't live there anymore. It rains entirely too much in that city. I remember May of '98 it rained almost the whole month. It was right before I moved to Phoenix and I was SO GLAD to be moving to the Valley of the Sun.

I had fun at work last night. There was all this craziness around the office since we were moving onto the next phase and therefore, gave people the opportunity to become more disorganised (if that's possible). We were hiring Spanish speaking people. Unfortunately, the Spanish speaking people here don't speak a word of Engligh (we only hire people who can speak both). It was so much fun trying to talk to these people. Fortunately, I got to call off of a good list (don't know how I got to be the lucky one) and managed to fill my list in an hour. Everyone else had their lists about half full. Go me! Anyway, Dean is a really cool guy. He and I can talk about things that most people would find offensive. We were on a roll last night!

I'm going to see "Side Show" in Arlington, VA in June. I got the tickets from a theatre person who lives in New York. I don't know her. I found out about the tickets through her website. She reminds me of myself in some ways. I'm going to pick up the tickets in May when I'm in New York. It'll be interesting to meet the person behind the website. I've never had the chance to meet someone, who's web site I visit, in person. Wow, what a bunch of short sentences.

I've been having really weird dreams lately! Fun, but weird. I wrote down some details about one of them but that notebook is in the car. When I bring it inside, I'll write about it here.

Work was a lot of fun last night. We basically stopped working around 8:00 and then just hung out till 10:00. It was Gary's last day so we had pizza and cake for him. I forgot how much I love office parties! And this weekend I don't have to go in at all. I told her I didn't want to come in today and when I called today, the person I talked to said that Selections wasn't working tomorrow. I knew that but I thought that they might want me to come and and help in another department. Guess not. So, I don't have to go in tomorrow either.

Now I'm not just going to take these as days off. I can catch up on some web work, organise some of what I need to bring for my trip back east, and go buy one nice outfit I can wear for work in New York. I've been dreading this ever since I realised I needed something. I have a few nice things I can wear for work but I'm going to be there for a while so I need more than what I have. I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! I've decided to go to Nordstrom's since, they are expensive, but you can return things at any time no questions asked. I thought that if whatever I buy isn't that great, I can always return it later. So now I'm just hoping that I can find something that fits- that's always been a problem!! I was going to go tomorrow but then I just realised that it's Sunday. I AM NOT going to a mall on Sunday. I'll wait till I'm in Scottsdale for school and go then. That way I don't have to drive all the way to Scottsdale only to go shopping. OK, so now what am I going to do tomorrow? Clean? Go to a movie? Do something completely different, like go play piano? I will not let myself waste the day. I'm going to make myself do one productive thing and one fun thing. Maybe there will be a matinee showing somewhere.

I've been in this mode where I can't seem to learn enough. If I'm doing something, I had better be learning something in the process. I've been watching the History Channel all the time. I play 3 or 4 games of Jeopardy (on a CD ROM) before I go to bed. If I hear someone talking about something interesting, I'll go home and try to find out more about it. I'll hear a song I like by an artist I don't know much about, so I immediately go and learn something about the artist. I'm obsessed about taking in information!

Wow, it's the last day in April! Twelve more days and I'll be in rainy ol' B'more. Hopefully there will be a few sunny days over the next month or two. Twelve more days- I'd better start figuring out everything I need to do before I leave.

Well, tonight was movie marathon night. Brie and I watched 3 movies (I was getting a little restless by the third one). We watched "10 Things I Hate About You", "Apocalypse Now", and "The Bone Collector". This was the second time I saw "The Bone Collector" and both times I loved it and hated it for the same reasons. I'd seen the other two movies before as well. One day soon, I'll watch one I haven't seen yet. I know there are at least 5 new video releases I want to see and I think there's one or two in the theatres.

Today (technically yesterday) was pretty much a lazy day. I don't think I did anything productive besides go through my mail from the last two days. I have to a lot tomorrow though. Since nothing exciting is going on around town, I'll have all day to do things I need to do. I feel like all I keep writing about is how productive or unproductive I'm being. How boring. I'm going to try not to mention it over the next few days.

This is the last April entry! And what a lazy boring last day of April I've had. I didn't get anything accomplished except pick up a few things I'll need for my trip, went to work out, and got a few items at the grocery store. Otherwise, it's been another movie day. I've watched SIX movies this weekend! Today I watched "Girls Town" by myself and then Brie and I watched "As Good as it Gets" and "The Untouchables" . "Girls Town" was horrible. I only watched it because Lily Taylor was in it. She plays the oddest characters. I don't know why I like her so much; she's not an amazing actress. Maybe she's just more real than most Hollywood actresses. Then again, Lily Taylor DOES try to do a lot of independent films. I've never seen "The Untouchables" . It's one of those movies I've always wanted to see but never did. Well, I finally was watching it and I got a phone call towards the end of it. I ws getting rather restless and welcomed the interruption, but I really did want to see the end of the movie. Fortunately Brie was taping it, so I can watch it later. But I probably wont.

I worked out with Brie today. I've never worked out with anyone before. We didn't talk or anything, but the time seemed to go by quicker with her there. Since both treadmills were being used, I used the bike. I know my knee's gonna hurt, it already feels a little weak. I HATE this. I used to go for 20 mile bike rides and now I can't go 2 miles on an excersize bike without being in pain. One of these days I really should go get knee surgery. I just don't think that will make my knee all better and I'm slightly scared it'll make it worse than it is now. Perhaps that's why I've been putting it off for so long. Maybe I'll go do physical therapy again for a little while. Maybe that'll strengthen it enough for now.