1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!  Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This
is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

25. Kibble and water are cheaper than formula and diapers.

24. They have more hair when they are born.

23. Dogs never forget to "go" before they leave.

22. Dogs can go on long trips without yelling "MOM HE'S TOUCHING ME!!!!"

21. Dogs never grow out of being kissed in front of their friends.

20. Dogs don't wear holes in the knees of their trousers.

19. It doesn't matter how much dog hair a Dog gets in its mouth.

18. You can cage a dog without going to jail.

17. dogs don't "backwash" crackers when sharing your soda.

16. Dogs will watch classic Star Trek with you and won't laugh at the special effects.

15. Dogs hide their "blankies" in their crates rather than dragging them around in public.

14. It's OK and even encouraged to tattoo your Dog.

13. The older a Dog gets, the more they like you.

12. Dogs don't ask why. Dogs don't ask why. Dogs don't ask why.

11. Dogs don't roll their eyes when you insist Dogs today have it easier.

10. Dogs stick their tongue deep inside your ear canal; children use a pencil.

9. Dogs don't jump on the bed; they just quietly shed in them and lay on you,considerately adding to your warmth.

8. Dog poop is easier to get off the wall than crayon.

7. When Dogs don't listen to you, it is because they cannot understand the complex human language.

6. Dogs have tails, making it easier to grab them as they run away.

5. No one passes you a Dog with a loaded diaper.

4. Dogs dig for buried treasure in the litterbox.  Kids won't even dump the litterbox.

3. When Dogs interrupt you making love, you don't have to explain that the two of you are "wrestling to see who does the dishes."

2. Dogs don't grow out of their shoes every 2 1/2 months.

And the number one reason?

1. Dogs, when entering those teen years, are neutered.

It is reported that the following excerpt from the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If this is authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me." And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will
be with you forever, and who will be a reflection of my love for you.  Thus, you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."  And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam, and he wagged his tail.  And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new one."  And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own
name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him, and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged
his tail.  After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and
preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."  And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."  And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Cat did not care one way or the other.

Please watch over our humans, they are so weak.
They have no claws or teeth, they can't run fast or fly away, neither can they burrow or build a nest in which to be safe.  They smell bad, do strange things that aren't altogether intelligent, have no real ability to communicate with us, although we are able to figure out what they want.

Lord, grant US the ability to watch over our humans,
care for them, cheer them when they are down, make them laugh, smile, and shower them with our love.  We pray that we can bring a little joy into their otherwise
mundane existence.

Lord...please let them know that when we insist on getting attention, its so we can check their emotional well being and boost their morale.   When we pester them for different foods, toys, etc, its so they will learn to see us in ways they hadn't considered, bringing them closer and back into the fold which they are part of but keep forgetting about.

They expect us to know what they want even though sometimes they don't know what we want.  Some of them really try and we know they love us but some of them are so dumb yet our love for them remains intensely unfaltering.

Lord, when we die, please make sure to send us ahead to where ever our humans are going to be,
so we can pave the way for them, vouch for them and be there for them when they too die.  

Please allow us to continue proving the humans are worth the effort. You placed these humans in dominion over us, but you charged us with the task of caring for them and SHOWING them your love every one of them.

God bless these mere mortal humans, they know not that we are their guardian angels sent in love to task them so that they may grow to be part of your plan.

You and Us God... we'll bring them back into the fold...
you and us.

Because you will not be forever,
Hope against time though I may,
I paint your picture in my memory,
Eyes blue with age, muzzle gone gray.

Because you walked with me in Springtime,
Puppy-clumsy, running free.
As you grew, we grew together,
You became a part of me.

Because you shared with me my sorrows,
Not understanding- simply there.
Often spurring me to laughter--
My friend, you know how much I care.

Because the years have slowed your fleetness,
Though your spirit still is strong.
I promise I will take more time now,
So that you can go along.

Because you do not fear the future,
Living only in the now,
I draw strength from your example-
Yet time keeps slipping by somehow.

Because the day will soon be coming
When I will no longer see
You rise to greet me-but in memory
You will always walk with me.

The lovely sturdiness--- the dignity.
And when upon that infinitely dark
And unfamiliar way I, too, must go,
I shall not be afraid---full well I know
These things await me: your triumphant bark--
Rush of impetuous paws in a swift race--
And a warm, eager tongue against my face!

TID BITS

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love , to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

Unknown

"Some days your the dog, some days your the hydrant."   

Unknown

One by One, they pass by my cage,
Too old, too worn, too broken, no way.
Way past his time, he can't run and play.
Then they shake their heads slowly and go on their way.

A little old man, arthritic and sore,
It seems I am not wanted anymore.
I once had a home, I once had a bed,
A place that was warm, and where I was fed.

Now my muzzle is grey, and my eyes slowly fail.
Who wants a dog so old and so frail?
My family decided I didn't belong,
I got in their way, my attitude was wrong.

Whatever excuse they made in their head,
Can't justify how they left me for dead.
Now I sit in this cage, where day after day,
The younger dogs get adopted away.

When I had almost come to the end of my rope,
You saw my face, and I finally had hope.
You saw thru the grey, and the legs bent with age,
And felt I still had life beyond this cage.

You took me home, gave me food and a bed,
And shared your own pillow with my poor tired head.
We snuggle and play, and you talk to me low,
You love me so dearly, you want me to know.

I may have lived most of my life with another,
But you outshine them with a love so much stronger.
And I promise to return all the love I can give,
To you, my dear person, as long as I live.

I may be with you for a week, or for years,
We will share many smiles, you
will no doubt shed tears.
And when the time comes that God deems I must leave,
I know you will cry and your heart, it will grieve.

And when I arrive at the Bridge, all brand new,
My thoughts and my heart will still be with you.
And I will brag to all who will hear,
Of the person who made my last days so dear.

Leslie Whalen 2/01

BET YOU CAN'T OWN JUST ONE!

Why own a dog? There's danger you know.
You can't own just one, the craving will grow.

There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger.
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.

One dog is so funny,
and two are no trouble, the third one is easy,
the fourth one's a honey.

The fifth's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
you find you can live with a house full with ease.

So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy, but Lord, the hair.

With dogs on the sofa, and dogs on the bed,
and crates in the kitchen, It's no bother, you've said.

They're really no trouble, their manners are great,
What's just one more dog, and one more crate?

The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture is dusty.

The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few nose prints, and a little more hair?

So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
and a little more time for the dust cloth and broom.

There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.

Each one is so special, so useful, so funny,
The vet, the food bills grow larger, you owe money.

Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other dog folks, who live the same way.

Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.

There's dog food and vitamins, and training and shots,
and entries and motels which cost lots.

Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then your favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap.

His look says your special, and you know that you will,
Keep all of the critters, in spite of the bill.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

My dog and I live in this house. You are welcome to come and visit me anytime but we have a few things that you must understand before you visit:

You must expect a few dog hairs to stick to your clothes. I vacuum and clean on a regular basis, but a Dog lives in this house too.

You may be licked and given a paw a few times but he does this because he loves people and wants to say "Hello", so if you feel that you are too good for his love then you may not feel welcome here because this is his home too.

My dog is well mannered and very clean but if you are one of those people who think ALL animals are dirty and smelly then you and I will probably have difficulty feeling comfortable during your visit.

If you don't like the sound of barking, then my home is not likely to be a pleasant place for you. My dog protects me by letting me know I have a visitor. Whether it be a friend or uninvited stranger. If you are a friend,my dog will consider you his friend too but if you are an unwelcome guest,my dog will protect me with his life as I would his.

Do not expect me to lock my dog in another room during your visit. I have trained my dog well so he will not do anything to you except maybe want a pat on the head. I will not subject him to feel as if he is being punished by
locking him away for no reason. That would just be cruel.

When you walk in my home, be careful not to trip on a squeaky toy or a bone.  These are my dog's little treasures and I will not take them away from him just to show you that I keep a clean house. He knows where all his toys are.
They may not look like much to you, but to him, they are worth more than gold.

You see, This is OUR home. We have been together since he was a small pup scampering around the house, a tiny bit of a thing only a few weeks old. I raised him into a well mannered, beautifully behaved dog. I am proud of him.

I consider him my personal gift from God. He has done nothing but give me his endless love and devotion for many years. I love him dearly and want to make his years happy ones. As happy as he makes mine.

When you go home to your family, he stays here with me. A fine and loving companion. He is MY family and I wouldn't change that for the world.

When times were hard, we both went hungry. When it was cold and there was no heat, we both kept each warm. When I was sick, he stayed right by my side as I did his when he was not having a good day. A better friend I could not ask for. When no one else cared, my Dog did. He has given me nothing but pure joy and I love him endlessly.

So please understand that I am not being rude. I'm just looking out for my best friend.

Author Unknown

Why did God make dogs? I don't think it was accidental, so why do you suppose hounds are around?

Recently, I watched an elderly woman trying to recover from a stroke. Her brain was damaged, and her arm was weak, so her therapist brought, of all things, a dog to help out. Instead of completing monotonous drills, the elderly patient threw a bright red Frisbee across the room, and the dog bounced over, picked it up, and brought it back, his eyes begging, "Throw it again, please!" And she did, over and over and over, forgetting that she was actually working quite hard.

What possessed God to make dogs anyway? Certainly there are exceptions, and certainly people can breed dogs to bring out the worst in them, but in general, there is nothing more selfless, loving or patient than a dog. Mistreat it and it comes back to you anyway. Ignore it and it never gives up hope that you will be its friend again. Make it wait days to go play, and it will still be ready. It offers you friendship and companionship and in return asks only for food, water and an occasional scratch behind the ears. Why would God bother to make such a creature?

I suppose that if dogs were like people they would eventually give up on us ... but they never do. A dog's love is almost impossible to destroy, because it's not a love you earn; it's simply a love you are given. In other words, dogs love unconditionally.

Unconditional love; unending patience; faithfulness to the very end. Do you suppose, just perhaps, that God made dogs to show us a little something about Himself? Do you think maybe "man's best friend" is really pointing us to the one who is truly our very best friend?

You could learn a lot about God from a dog.

~Mark Phillips~