I'm sorry about the way things are. I know you tell me to stop apologizing, but I don't know how else to express what I feel. I feel like I've done evertyhgin wrong and all I can do to fix it is to keep repeating the same words, meaningful/less syllables over and over "i'm sorry, i'm sorry". But its not fixing anything. I just don't know what to do. I've fucked things up before for not saying it, because i was too 'proud' to say it, but now. i have no pride, and its just making it all worse. And... look at us, I'm being horrible. I make everytone else around me miserable, and now you. I love you and i want you to be happy, and i hear that you're not. Not from you, from youf ucking livejournal, and I see you jsut like me now and you sholdn't have to feel like I do. You have so much talent, so much potential. You know how much you can acheive, and yet like me you're stuck hating your life. But i love you. and thats something, at elast thats what you tell me, i don't really know anymore, I don't expect that we wukk soend the rest of our lives together althoguh I would like to, but more than that and if it seems that i'm pushing you away its not because i don't love you, its because i do love you and i want to see you happy, even if its not with me, because it doesnt seem that i can make you happy anymore.

and you know what? i'm done being miserable, i'm done with wallowing in self pity. i hate pity from others, and i hate it even more from myself. so now you have my full attention and devotion once more, if you still want it. and i honestly don't know wheteher you will, or whether you shold. maybe it seems that i'm trying to hurt you, but i'm not. I want to keep you for as long as you want me. for as long as you love me.

I love you in so many ways, when I think of you, shakespearian sonnets dance through my mind:
I love you more than word can wield the matter;
Dearer than eyesight, space and liberty;
Beyond what can be valued, rich or rare;
No less than life, with grace, health, beauty, honour;
As much as a child e'er loved, or father found;
A love that makes breath poor and speach unable;
Beyond all manners of so much I love you.

And my heart, i can't find any word/image/thought to express what it feels, except love, which seems too simple, plain, too ordinary to show what i feel. And my soul, it seems but a fraction of its true self when you aren't around. Your absence, and the absence of your love reduces me to but a mere shell of myself.

Though i know that fancy words won't fix this, I have to try, because I need you to know how i feel. I need you to see what you mean to me.

Maybe you'll read this and you won't understand what i'm saying, or think i'm making it up. and fine. i don't knwo what i'm saying or why i'm saying it, i'm sayign it because its there to say. Ive never felt this way before, ever, i've fallen in and out of love before, but with you its different. i don't feel pressure to change myself for you. i want to. i want to be everything you want me to be

I'm sorry that I went to go see the movie. Its just a movie. Thats really all it was. I didn't particularly want to see it, but I didn't particularly want to see harry potter either and i went to see that. maybe i should have gone with you, but you have to realize its just a movie thats all it is, i'm sorry that it hurt you. i'm sorry that i hurt you. and i'm sorry that you don't feel you can forgive me. maybe you need to hate me. maybe you need to learn how to hate because i don't think you can. Get mad at me, don't get mad at my absence. and you're not being childish. i'm just letting things get to my head. the world doesn't revolve around me and sometimes i forget that. being a goddess and all you think it would. but i'm trying to be serious here.
Your faith in me,
Brings me to tears...

You have no idea how much I love you.
What else should I be
All apologies
What else could I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies