| REDNECK ZOMBIE HUNTER ZOMBIE HUNTIN' DAVE THAT'S MY NAME I DRINK 12 BEERS A DAY, BUT THAT'S PRETTY TAME MY PITS STINK OF HOG AND MY BELLY'S THE SIZE OF A KEG I WON'T WASH, NO MATTER HOW HARD THE NEIGHBOURS BEG WELL ONE HOT BITCH OF A DAY WHEN ALONG CAME THIS GUY MY WAY HE STAGGERED LIKE MY AUNT CLARA AND HIS FACE LOOKED LIKE A BUTT WELL ALONG HE CAME, HIS EYES FIXED ON ME AND HE STARTED TO SCARE MY PET PIG, BESSIE THEN THAT'S WHEN I KNEW HE WAS NO JESSE SO WHEN HE GOT CLOSE, I PICKED UP MY GUN AND BLEW HIS ASS OFF! AS HIS BODY FELL, MY WIFE STARTED TO YELL "YOU DONE GONE KILLED THAT THERE PRIEST!" AND I SAID - "SHUT YOUR TRAP BITCH, AND GET ME MA MOONSHINE!" WELL IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME THAT I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG SO I GRABBED MY GUN AND MY BONG AND I HEADED OFF INTO THEM HILLS AND DIDN'T COME OUT TILL I HATE BLEW ALL TO SHITE! BUT WHAT I HADN'T ESTIMATED WAS THAT MY PIG AND A ZOMBIE HAD MATED! SO IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME THAT I THOUGHT FINE SO I STOCKED UP ON SOME MORE BRINE! THEN WHAT DID I DO? WELL I WLAKED DOWN TOWN AND TRADED IN MY AUNT CLARA FOR SOME INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH MASCARE SO WHEN DAY TURNED TO NIGHT I STAGGERED ON THE TOWN ALL IN DRAG AND GAGGIN' FOR A SHAG BUT IN THIS TIME OF PLIGHT IWAS NOT ABOUT TO BECOME A ZOMBIE BITE SO CRUISING THE TOWN IN MY PICKUP AND AS I WENT I BLASTED ALL THOSE CHUMPS TO PIECES AND WHEN THE NIGHT HAD ENDED NOT ONE LIVE SOUL WAS LEFT SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF HARD AND SO I DECIDED TO GO SIT ON MY PORCH AND DRINK SOME MORE BEER |