Eventually the closely set trees began to thin out and quite suddenly the hooded figure emerged in a small clearing. It stopped at the edge of the circle of trees, raising its head to look up at the ancient oak in the center of the clearing and in the shadows beneath the hood, lips curled into a smile. She was home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Empress of the Aqua Nox sat in her black marble throne, chin propped up on one hand and stared idly out of the window at the glittering water beyond her castle walls. The sea here was so beautiful at night, glimmering quietly underneath the bright stars and she knew that at one command from her, she could make the wind howl, could create waves fifty feet high, could order the crabs to tapdance for her amusement, as she'd done on many an occasion in the past months or simply grab her fianc�'s hand and go for a swim under the moonlight, but somehow it all seemed a bit.. .too easy.
She sighed, reaching up with her free hand to touch the white gold tiara that rested on her glossy brown hair.
She was an Empress, had a gorgeous, brilliant fianc�, a hundred servants and an entire province at her beck and call and yet every day she dreamed of a poky little hollowed out oak tree and a handful of idiotic minions.
The Minions, who rarely did what they were bidden and were hopelessly appalling at it when they tried. Nowadays her meals were on time, the castle was tidy and the servants never answered back.
And the Empress of the Aqua Nox was out of her mind with boredom.
Frowning she tugged the tiara off her head and looked at it in the starlight filtering in through the high windows. The finely cut gems set into the pale gold metal gleamed deep purple and lit up her light hazel eyes with violet light.
The Empress of Aqua Nox smiled and stood up, pulling her ceremonial purple cloak about her shoulders and took one last look out of the window at the glittering sea, and then quietly placed the delicately crafted tiara down on the black marble throne with a disappointingly un-epic clink and Cretin walked out of the high walled castle and into the night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The secret door in the tree trunk sprang open when the cloaked figure kicked it hard with her foot and the sweet smell of freshly cut wood washed over her. She peered into the gloom, expression impossible to make out under her dark hood, and hesitated once more.
"Not going in?" asked a small voice, and a shadow that had been lingered on her left shoulder resolved itself into a solid form.
"It's just a shell," said the figure in a quiet voice. "No one lives here anymore. Not since the battle."
"But it is warm," pointed out the small shape, fluffing itself up and turning a brilliant shade of scarlet. Paper thin wings unfurled and beat the air, and the tiny shape hovered just inside the dark stairwell. "Looks like rain out there," it added coaxingly, managing to convey a shiver of cold whilst bobbing up and down in mid air.
The cloaked figure smirked and cast an eye upwards at the clear night sky, but stepped inside anyway, pulling the wooden door shut behind her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her Royal Highness, the High Duchess of the Mountains of Ice and Fire stood in her throne room of cool quartz and surveyed her domain. On her right, volcanoes spewed bubbling red lava and thick black smoke and to her left thick grey clouds covered the mountain tops in deep, white snow. Her Royal Highness, the High Duchess of the Mountains of Ice and Fire rolled her eyes and walked out onto the balcony of her glittering palace and gazed out towards the far distant horizon on which, if she concentrated, she could see the faint dark outlines of tree tops.
It very much seemed like getting everything you ever wanted wasn't all it was cracked up to be, especially when you realised you were actually pretty happy as you were, having everything you ever wanted to look forward to.
She tore her wistful gaze away from the distant forest and waved a hand at the closest volcano which immediately emitted a dazzling display of rainbow coloured fireworks and oozed bright blue lava. Her Royal Highness, the High Duchess of the Mountains of Ice and Fire pulled a face and turned back to the horizon; she'd seen it before a hundred times.
Somehow, things just weren't the same without the other two.
And she missed the oak tree.
She missed the Minions.
She even missed the constant squabbling and petty fights that broke out every few seconds when more than three Minions were in the same room (two to argue, one to watch and egg them on).
It was beautiful here, and she had absolute control over every part of the surrounding region, and it was fun to cause chaos amongst nature, but no matter how many fireproof snowmen she made, it just wasn?t worth it without anyone to show them off to.
She had her fianc�, of course, and they'd had a fantastic time bathing in the hot springs in the mountains and having hundreds of snowball fights but.. .well, she was starting to see why Noggin had tracked them down all those months ago.
She reached up and carefully removed the circlet of finely woven silver that adorned her head and gazed at it with a preoccupied air. The sapphires set into the silver bands shone in the light from the blue flamed lanterns that lit the balcony and smiled wanly, before hooking the elegant silver band over a stalagmite that grew up from the balcony rail and walking calmly back into her palace, down the stairs, and out of the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I can't see a thing," opined a small voice, and a ball of flame burst into life a few inches away from the hovering ball of fluff. "Careful! You could have burnt my eyebrows off!"
"You haven't got any eyebrows," said the figure softly, the flames in her hand illuminating a lock of blonde hair that fell across her cheek. She brushed it away, tucking it behind her ear and the small shape bobbed up and down in front of her, it's ridiculously oversized eyes blinking in the light from the flames.
"Up the stairs, is it?" asked the small creature, which in the firelight glowed a soft gold, giving the impression of fist sized ball of tinsel with wings. The hooded figure nodded and began the winding steps up to the old hideout, her hovering companion fluttering down to perch on her shoulder.
At the top they found the door wedged open with dusty parasol and light spilled out from the room beyond. The cloaked figure halted for a moment, then pushed the wooden door open and stepped inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lady Noggin Darcy, Mistress of Pemberley looked at her newest letter with a grin on her face. Alan and Darcy had gone on a travelling holiday together at her request, on the premise that if they were going to learn to like each other, they needed to spend some quality time in each other's company and it was just too easy for Darcy to hide in his own manor.
She propped the latest photo up against the inkwell at her writing desk and grinned again, noting Alan?s enthusiastically beaming face and Darcy's scowl. In truth, the problem hadn't been so much that Alan and Darcy didn't get on - Alan was practically incapable of disliking anyone - it was simply that Alan was most definitely not Darcy's Sort Of Person.
"Would Mistress like a cup of tea?"
The high voice derailed her train of thought and she looked down at the floor to see Leprechaun gazing adoringly up at her while behind him six other gnomes pulled the tea trolley towards her, strapped into an elaborately complicated harness they'd invented for this exact purpose.
Noggin paused for a second, glancing back at the photo and entertaining an idea that had been lingering on the edge of her thoughts for a while now. After all, Alan and Darcy wouldn't be back for a few weeks yet and it couldn't hurt to just go and have a little look round the old headquarters, could it? She hadn't been back there since the defeat of Moolin and the disappearance of Flower, and that was over two years ago now.
From the few letters she'd received from Crouton, she'd learned that the Minions had broken up and scattered once more a short while after, due to a combination of the promotion and moving on of Cretin and Gremlin, and the lack of any two working brain cells between them. The last letter from Crouton had said that she'd decided to go exploring past the borders of the forest, but that had been six months ago and still no more news was forthcoming.
"Mistress?" quavered Leprechaun once more, his new red hat slipping down over his eyes.
"Put it in a flask, would you?" said Noggin faintly, fingering the photo of Darcy and Alan and grinning quietly to herself. "I think I'd like a walk in the grounds."
The gnomes scuttled to obey and a winter cloak and scarf were fetched within a minute. Noggin pulled them on, slipping the photograph into one pocket and even accepting the white gloves the gnomes presented to her with no more than a little argument. At the large front doors, she paused, glancing back suspiciously, but the gnomes were bustling about cleaning the marble entrance hall and none of them appeared to be carrying anything resembling a paper thin umbrella. She shook her head, and stepped out into the brisk evening air, setting off for the stables by the scenic route.
It was only when she led the sleek black mare Darcy had given her last Christmas out of it's box and started to mount it that the sharp jab in her stomach told her she'd found what she'd been dreading. Dropping back to the straw covered floor she undid the buckle of her cloak and looked into the lining with some trepidation.
There, sure enough, was a dainty yellow parasol, complete with disgusting pink tassels and frilly lace edges. She sighed, extracting it from the strap that the gnomes had sewn into the lining of her cloak and tossing it into one of the stalls where Gertrude the donkey started to chew it with every sign of enjoyment.
Really, the gnomes were getting quite devious with their efforts to turn her into a proper lady. Every failed attempt seemed only to spur them onto bigger and more adventurous methods of refining her. There had been the time they'd endeavoured to give her elocution lessons by bewitching her alphabet soup, or the time they'd sewn the awful elbow high gloves to the cuffs of every garment she owned, although that had stopped when she'd torn them off and ripped the dresses' sleeves.
Noggin turned back to her horse and was about to mount when she paused again, eyeing the saddle and harness with distrust. Why had they already been on her horse when she'd said she was only going for a walk?
Carefully she did a thorough examination of the saddle, harness and, just to be extra safe, the bag the gnomes had given her to carry her flask of tea in, and found six parasols, eight pairs of gloves and the golden crown she'd been presented with by Lantigo, the head of Higher Powers Limited, after they'd saved the forest.
She dropped the gloves and parasols into Gertrude's stall but held onto the crown for a moment, casting an eye over the amber coloured stones embedded in it. Oh yes, all three of the Creators had been honoured after banishing Moolin and the Higher Powers had given them each crowns and a portion of the kingdom and sent them on their way.
Cretin had been given the sea, Gremlin had been awarded the volcanoes and she, Noggin had been offered the mountains, but, despite everything, she'd refused. She'd accepted the crown, because it would have been rude not to, but she didn't want a kingdom, she wanted Darcy, and she already had him. As a consequence, Gremlin and Cretin, after much squabbling and sullen silences, had agreed that Gremlin could have the mountains as well as the volcanoes as long as Cretin got the more important sounding title, and this being settled, Noggin had bid them both farewell and ridden back to Pemberley with Darcy on his white stallion.
Of course, Cretin and Gremlin weren't to be outdone and, with the promotion from Creator to Overseer, they had just the loophole they needed to get their hands on their gods too. According to Crouton, Depp and Bloom had proposed immediately on hearing the news and moved to the Creators' new kingdoms without so much as a backward glance.
Seventh Heaven, in the meantime, was left empty as, after much grumbling, Darcy had agreed to send a carriage to bring Alan along to Pemberley too, and it remained vacant for a good few months before the sheep squatters wandered back and took over again.
Noggin sighed once more and hooked the crown over a bent nail lodged in the stable wall. Where she was going, titles and expensive jewellery weren't needed - they'd only get lost in all the junk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The brown cloaked figure at the plotting table looked up at the sound of the door opening and raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"You? I thought you'd gone away?"
"I did. Now I've come back. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought all the other Minions scattered."
The Minion at the plotting table nodded, looking down at the bowl of chips before her and sighing. "They did, and I went back to my cabin for a bit, but it just wasn't the same, so I ended up back here." She raised her head again, grinning. "So have you."
The lips beneath the hood grinned and Crouton brushed it back, coming to sit opposite Minion No 7 and nicking a chip out of the bowl.
"Just missed the place, that's all," she said, shrugging and munching the chip idly. "Thought it was going to be empty." She cast a look around and smiled. "I see you've cleaned up - we left it in a bit of a state after that last party. Empty milk cartons and shiny paper streamers everywhere."
"Well I've had a while, haven't I?" answered Minion No 7. "Why'd you really come back? You got promoted too, didn't you?" she added, gesturing to the stylish black cloak now adorning Crouton?s shoulders and the three white stripes on one sleeve that indicated her new rank.
"Oh yeah, Sergeant of the guard at HPL," sighed Crouton, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, those guys are thicker than the Minions and that?s saying something."
Minion No. 7 laughed as Crouton absently picked another chip out of the bowl and held it up to her shoulder. Minion No. 7 frowned for a moment, trying to make sense of this, and then saw her old friend?s new companion.
"Who's that?" she asked, pointing at the creature, which strongly resembled a large ball of fluff.
"Hmm? Oh, he says he's called Rodriguez. I met him about a month ago, and he seemed to want to stay so since Flower's gone.." She shrugged, the movement knowing Rodriguez off balance and he fluttered desperately in the air for a few seconds before settling back down again. "He changes colour a lot," Crouton added, as Rodriguez gulped down the chip, turning a happy golden colour.
"So he can fit in with the environment?" asked Minion No. 7, and Crouton grinned.
"Yeah, that would make sense, wouldn't it? I don't think that's it though - he's just too restless to settle on one colour."
"Someone's coming," piped up the restless Rodriguez suddenly, launching himself off Crouton's shoulder and zooming across the room to the door that was still half open.
"And he's got excellent hearing," said Crouton with a frown, pushing back her chair and going over to the door, Minion No. 7 following. She was about to ask Rodriguez how far away the newcomer was when a familiar voice floated up the spiral staircase, raised in an effort to drown out another, equally memorable accent.
"-sneaking back here, trying to take charge of the Minions again - they're not yours-"
"Don't you take that tone with me - you know perfectly well they aren't yours either! It was just lucky I was passing by, what with you creeping around, plotting to make them do your bidding-"
"I was doing no such thing! And how exactly were you passing by? You live on the beach! Just fancied a hundred mile stroll, did you?"
"No, I was.. I was.. doing some Christmas shopping!"
"In the Forest? What? Does Depp have a fetish for acorns or something?"
"Well what are you doing here, anyway?"
"I'm on my way to see Noggin!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes."
There was a pause in the bickering, and the two eavesdropping Minions exchanged grins, imagining the suspicious looks on the faces of their Creators.
"Noggin?" asked Rodriguez, perching on Crouton's shoulder as his internal spectrum flickered through more shades of green and blue than Minion No. 7 had thought possible. "You didn't mention her."
"She's called Lady Darcy now," explained Crouton, beginning to look a little worried. The short halt in the argument below was rapidly turning into a long one.
"You don't think they've killed each other, do you?" asked Minion No. 7 in a hushed voice.
"No, they wouldn't do that," said Crouton, biting her lip anxiously, then glancing back at Minion No. 7 fretfully. "Would they?"
"They're hiding behind the tree," reported Rodriguez promptly, fluffing himself up against the brisk draft that was blowing in through the open door at the base of the tree.
"Why?" asked Minion No. 7, looking puzzled, and Rodriguez attempted shrugged, not easily accomplished in a being with no shoulder blades.
"Because they've heard the horse."
"What horse?"
"The one that's coming this way," said Rodriguez, shuffling sideways on Crouton's shoulder so that he could duck under the fold of the hood.
"Darcy?" questioned Crouton, casting a glance at her fellow Minion.
"Doubt it - why would he turn up here?" said Minion No. 7 doubtfully.
"Whoever it is, they're wearing a fancy dress," said the muffled voice of Rodriguez. "I can hear the linen rustling."
The Minions' faces split into identical grins at this news and Minion No. 7 said softly: "Well there goes Gremlin's alibi.."
END OF PART 1
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Happy Christmas! Next post should be up a little before Christmas day. Hope you enjoyed it!
Crouton
