"That's my replacement?" asked Darcy, staring worriedly at Alan.
Noggin nodded, grinning. "So I wouldn't worry about fighting him, he's not much of a danger to you." She laughed softly and added in an undertone, "The only person Alan's a danger to is himself."
"Yeah, I can see that," muttered Darcy, still watching the happily bemused figure of Alan in a kind of horrified fascination.
Alan looked up suddenly, vaguely aware that everyone was staring at him. He stared slowly around the group and extinguished the ball of flame guiltily, looking bewilderedly at Noggin.
Noggin laughed again and grinned imploringly up at her husband. "Can we keep him?"
"What is this?" asked Flower, sitting in a pile of discarded wrapping paper and surveying the contraption in front of her with disdain.
Minion No. 3 glanced at her over the new set of music books. "It appears to be an exercise bike."
"I can see that, I meant why on earth would I need one?"
"Who sent it?" asked Minion No. 2, stifling a snigger.
"Doesn't say," said Flower, scowling at Leprechaun who stuck his tongue out.
"Maybe it'll help to shed those Christmas pounds," said a particularly dense gnome.
"EXCUSE ME? I am NOT overweight you diminutive Lilliputian!" shouted Flower, hurling a red bauble at him.
The gnome ducked behind his copy of the Minion Rulebook - Volume One which Cretin and Gremlin had thoughtfully sent to all the gnomes and the trinket bounced away, hitting Alan on the back of the head. He whirled around and, seeing nothing, kept turning before tripping over his feet. Noggin, sitting snuggled up to Darcy in the corner, grinned as he sat bemusedly on the floor, trying to figure out what had happened.
"Not yet at any rate," muttered Gremlin, curled up on the new sofa with Orlando.
Depp yawned, running a hand through his dark hair and glancing at Cretin. "I think I might have an early night."
"But it's only-" began Cretin, frowning at him. "Oh, I mean, yeah, I'm exhausted." She yawned theatrically and stretched. "I think I might join you."
"Is it time for bed already?" asked Alan, looking around worriedly.
"No, Cret and Johnny are just very tired," explained Noggin carefully as the two of them headed up a staircase.
Alan frowned, "So am I come to think of it. D'you mind if I join them?"
In the silence that followed, even the crickets were too stunned to make a sound.
Eventually Minion No. 3 said cautiously, "I think they'd prefer it if you slept in your own room."
Alan frowned at her, "But that's exactly what I was going to do. I don't particularly want to witness their antics thanks very much."
The whole room stared at him, perplexed. Since when did Alan know what was going on?
"Their antics?" repeated Crouton faintly.
"Yeah, I mean, Johnny's great and everything but he sleepwalks and always bumps into things."
"Er Alan," said Orlando slowly, "That's you."
"Is it?"
"Uh huh."
"Oh." He frowned again, looking slightly bewildered. "I did wonder how I ended up in that pole dancing club.. Anyway, goodnight."
He wandered off up the stairs leaving a room full of shocked people behind him.
"Pole dancing club?" asked Noggin in amazement.
Bloom nodded gloomily, "We spent ages searching for him and then when we found him he didn't want to leave. He insisted on signing on for a couple of sessions himself."
"Alan? Doing pole dancing?" asked Noggin, her expression torn between amusement and horror.
"What were you doing in a strip club?" asked Gremlin, staring at him.
"What? Who said anything about strippers? Alan was dancing round a maypole in his pyjamas when we found him.."
New Year's Resolution
All Minions, Creators, gods and elves are to get fit!
See Room 101 for details.
This challenge was brought to you by Higher Powers Ltd - the company that has Pow!(ers)
The Creators eyed the notice pinned on the door with distinct apprehension.
"What happens if we don't go along with it?" asked Cretin dubiously.
"They'll send the gods away - they're not meant to be here anyway," said Gremlin gloomily. "Where's Room 101?"
"Top floor," answered Cretin scowling. "I thought it was empty."
"Are they allowed to do this?" asked Noggin, examining the fancy signature at the bottom of the page with dislike.
"Unfortunately yes. They're the Powers that Be."
Noggin scowled, still inspecting the notice shrewdly, "And that slogan's awful."
"They're Higher Powers, they're not especially renowned for their sense of humour," said Gremlin sighing.
"Still, it's New Year's Eve, we still have one night to ourselves," mused Cretin.
The three Creators fell silent, pondering the implications of this statement. Gremlin grinned mischievously, exchanging glances with her friends.
"Time for an impromptu party, I think.."
Cretin and Noggin grinned happily then turned abruptly at the sudden knock on the door.
"Who on earth is that..?"
The three Creators stared blankly at the figure in the doorway for a few seconds, then Cretin said faintly, "Squatters?"
"The sheep. In Seventh Heaven," prompted Nyphen Phorque.
"Sheep?"
"Yes, Misters J. Depp, O. Bloom and A. Rickman got in touch with us. They claim that the sheep are squatting in their place of residence?" said Nyphen Phorque uncertainly. "Is this not the case?"
The three Creators exchanged glances.
"First we've heard of it," said Gremlin innocently.
"It's news to me," added Noggin, smiling serenely at the newcomer.
"What's all this about the fitness programme?" asked Cretin, scowling.
"Fitness programme? Oh, that's Lantigo's new initiative," grimaced Nyphen Phorque. "He's the new Head of Current Affairs. Anyway, about those squatters.."
"We're having a party tonight," interrupted Gremlin, swiftly changing the subject. "Would you like to come Nyphen?"
"Oh, please, call me Phorque. I guess I could come.. I'd have to ask the other Powers.."
"No need, no need," assured Noggin quickly. "We'll get the Minions to do it."
"Yeah, you just sit over here and relax," agreed Cretin, ushering her over to the pile of cushions in the corner. "We'll sort everything out."
"That's very amicable of you," said Phorque, smiling at the three Creators.
The Creators grinned at her, eyes glinting mischievously.
"Yeah well, we're really very amicable people," grinned Gremlin, her brown eyes sparkling.
"Yep," agreed Cretin. "Very amicable... Until you get know us, that is." She added in a whisper.
