S5c

    The group charged into the crowded doorway, yet again ignoring the vast space around the door which permited comfortable movement. Once they entered they began to expel their super powers ion all manners and forms, from spastastic FOOOOOOOOMs to Knex pieces being shot from Space Toaster's gun. Once the dust had settled from the bought, Mono sat in the corner sleeping, starting his nap as the battle had begon moments before. The vexxing vigilantes looked around as the scene became less vague due to the smoke and dust, and saw they had actually hit nothing but the cave's walls. They slumped their posture and slowly regrouped near Mono and his wheelchair.
     "Well that failed miserably," Fast Guy said. Space Toaster shrugged as he put his gun away.
     "How could we have missed anything vital?" Foom Man said as he looked around. "We hit everything... except for that guy." He ended the statement with a motion towards the scientist who stood laughing in the corner. The group advanced towards him, and he pressented a large red button from his pocket.
     "Don't come any closer," He said with a smirk, "Or I'll press this button."
     "Oh what'll that do," Homeless Man replied chuckling, "Blow the world up?"
     "No, implode it," the scientist replied dryly. Our heroes then dropped their smiles and stopped chuckling.
     "Oh, well then," Homeless Man said. "Hey um, what the hell is your name anyways?"
     "I think its pretty obvious by the story's title who I am," the scientist replied. "I am Professor Bad, no relation whatsoever to Doctor Evil. I worked with Doctor Robosnot for quite some time on mechanoid creatures and machines, but gave up once he became obsessed with creating the world's most perfect supply of Fluff." The group staired at him.
     "We've dealt with marshmellow matter before," Foom Man spoke.
     "I decided to work alone after the yearning for the white, poofy textured substance overshadowed me from his perspective," Professor Bad went on. "My plans to build my lair were perfect, but seeing as though I had neither any workers, income, nor land to construct it with, I just stole this one."
     "And this has to deal with imploding the world how exactly?" Fast Guy questioned. an awkward silene filled the tunnel as a tumbleweed blew past.
     "Shut up, thats how!" the Professor said. "Now, either back away or I'll press this button and...um... sh...oooom! The world shall become no more than a ball one inch in diameter."
     "Having a little trouble with your sound effects there?" Foom Man said as Space Toaster giggled. The Professor took on a more annoyed look now.
     "THATS IT!" He yelled. "ANY LAST WORDS BEFORE I IMPLODE THIS PATHETIC WASTE OF MA-"
     He was cut off by a red hole that appeared in the center of his forhead. It began to drip blood, and he collapsed. The group turned around to see Mono holding a 9mm pistol, reloading a new shell.
     "Nice shot," Homeless Man said.
     "I know, someone had to shut him the hell up," Mono said. "How do we get out of here?" The group looked around aimlessly.
     "I don't think we should exit the same way we entered," Foom Man thought aloud. "There may be a group of authorities present waiting to put a cap in our asses." Fast Guy nodded to show his consent. They soon realized the cave was a hollowed-out, dead end. It was simply an average-sized open area, with no defining characteristics besides the entrance they had taken. they all slowly turned their heads up the the ceiling, then looked at Foom Man. He sighed. "Alright, sure." He aimed his hands up as the rest of our pointless protectors sought cover from the falling debris. Foom Man then winced and proclaimed a large FOOOOOOOOOM!
     The blast destoyed the roof easily, and therefor created an exit.
      "And you're always making fun of my crappy abilities," Foom Man smirked. "See, I did that fine, I made a perfect exit." The other heroes slowly approached him as they looked up through the whole.
     "And you also took out a pedeatric burn ward hospital with it," Fast Guy added, "Asswipe."
     Well our bumbling bad-guy beaters exited through their new fallen hole, and returned home via Space Toaster's jet, which he called for. Fast Guy took off on his own and made it home just fine, but passed out at the door of their lair when he went to turn the doorknob, which involved him slowing down. When the rest of the group arrived they proped him up against the brickwall of the building, and found the door was locked. Homelss Man knocked the door down with sheer force, and they looked in apon their hideout to see the mole people passed out cold on the floor, along with their trained monkey roasted over a dwindling fire. Club Bearer laid shivering in his cage, backed into the corner far away from the monkey as possible.
     "Well, looks like they trashed our frier room," Fast Guy said as he drank some coffee.
     Foom Man walked over and opened the cage for him as the others tossed the mole people out on the street.
     "Cripes man," Space Toaster grumbled as he kicked an inanimate mole person. "This was without a doubt our worst adventure yet. I mean, we spend all that time going to fight this guy, just to help these villanous jerks whom often endanger mankind. We get there, and end up just shooting him before anything can take place."
     "Yessir, we sure have seeked a new low this time haven't we?" Mono said as he mopped up some vomit via mentally manipulating a mop. "I wish Homeless Man guided us through more adventures... I mean whenever we follow you or Foom Man around they usually end up pointless. Remember that time you dragged me to that Walmart to have me fight that guy Petco Peter?"
     "It was Photo Joe.... and it was you that brought us there," Homeless Man said. The room sat in silence for a moment.
     "It still sucked though," Mono said, breaking the silence. Sounds of agreement followed as the room became more sanitized. When all was in place they gattered 'round their 5" black and white TV set, sitting apon their milk crates as usual. Fast Guy turned the news on, and they saw the fruits of their labors come to life.
     "Terror strikes Crackton New Jersey...again," a news reporter exclaimed. "It seems the Harwood Light District has been completely obliterated by a subterrainian blast." The group looked around in silence.
     "There's no way they'll figure out it was us," Space Toaster said.
     "The police chief informed me earlier there is only one clue as to the cause: and that was this sound here," the reporter went on. A still picture of the city went on screen, and the audacious FOOOOOOOOOOOM was heard. "This of course only means one thing, and that is the Ultra Acquaintances have attempted to save us again, only screwing up... once more. Yes those ignorant fools have doomed us again."
     "You're ignorant," Foom Man yelled at the TV.
     "You're talking to the television," Mono commented as he shook his head in pity. The reporter went on.
     "In conclusion, we can still say yet again that whenever a crime goes undone, or an evil has yet to occur within a week, the Ultra Acquaintances seem to make it happen. Up yours Ultra Acquaitances, up yours."