I should have known it was all too good to be true. The happiness I felt due to the new and wonderful love that entered my life has dissapated into thin air. Sometimes I wonder am I cursed? I feel like I am. I mean, they'll be wonderful, everything I could ever want... for a hot ass month. Then, somewhere around week 5 they nut the hell up and leave me reeling from their abject asshole-itivity. I thought I was jaded before. I had no clue it could get so much worse.
As much as I love the man in question, I have no clue on what to do about our relationship. What he did was inexcusable, even his momma said that. So why am I still hanging around? Why can't I listen to the CD I just made because the sound of certain songs is just too much for me to bear? And on top of it all, he is all back to normal, like I should be too. I dont know if I'll ever be normal again in regards to him after what he did this weekend. I almost wish he did cheat on me, then I could cuss his ass out and be done with it. But it just aint that simple. No, its much more complicated than that.
I've never been one to bail on someone with issues. I always try to help and stick it out until its just too much for me to bear. But damn... I dont think I could stick this one out. This is the rest of my life I'm talking about, kids, a house and a mortgage. He can be just fine for five years, and then just mess everything up for one occurance, one visit down memory lane.
I dont take issue with him loving other women, namely his ex'es. Because I still got love for 2 of mine, and from the way he explains it, we're on the same page. I'm not in love with my ex'es, I dont want to be with them. But if something happened to them, I'd be highly upset. If they needed me, I'd do my best to help them. Because those 2 touched my heart more than any other ex-boyfriend. So if he's on that page, then how can I have beef with that? But what I've got issue with is the fact that he could love them to the point of risking everything we have together... and the chick in question dissed his ass just last night.
My family is pissed off, but no one is trying to get into it with me, because they know I have to do things my way, and myself. But I definitely feel them, because in my heart I know I need to bail. This problem could, and probably will resurface. This is my future at stake. I'm an ass for staying around past yesterday. I shoulda been ghost when I found his ass on Sunday afternoon.
But I love him.
God's gotta help me, and I gotta get to work.
I'm out.