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| cockroaches in the jam. My mother, whom I have always bought household appliances for, on her birthday. A nice rice cooker, a blender. I trail the red orchids in her dress and the heavy faux leather bag on her shoulders. Realizing the ferocious pace of my pursuit, I stop against a wall to rest. My mother keeps on walking as though she owns the sidewalk under her feet. As she heads toward the Plaza Hotel, a bicycle messenger swings so close to her that I want to dash foreward and rescue her, but she stands dead in her tracks and lets him ride around her and then goes on. My mother stops at a corner hot-dog stand and asks for something. The vendor hands her a can of soda that she slips into her bag. She stops by another vendor selling sundresses for seven dollars each. I can tell that she is looking at an African print dress, contemplating my size. I think to myself, Please Ma, don't buy it. It would be just another thing that I would bury in the garage or give to Goodwill. * Why should we give to Goodwill when there are so many people back home who need clothes? We save our clothes for the relatives in Haiti. * Twenty years we have been saving all kinds of things for the relatives in Haiti. I need the place in the garage for an exercise bike. * You are pretty enough to be a stewardness. Only dogs like bones. * This mother of mine, she stops at another hot-dog vendor's and buys a frankfurter that she eats on the street. I never knew that she ate frankfurters. With her blood pressure, she shouldn't eat anything with sodium. She has to be careful with her heart, this day woman. * I cannot just swallow salt. Salt is heavier than a hundred bags of shame. * She is slowing her pace, and now I am too close. If she turns around, she might see me. I let her walk into the park before I start to follow again. My mother walks toward the sandbox in the middle of the park. There a woman is waiting with a child. The woman is wearing a leotard with biker's shorts and has small weights in her hands. The woman's kisses the child good-bye and surrenders him to my mother; then she bolts off, running on the cemented stretches in the park. The child given to my mother has frizzy blond hair. His hand slips into hers easily, like he's known her for a long time. When he raisies his face to look at my mother, it is as though he is looking at the sky. My mother gives this child the soda that she bought from the vendor on the street corner. The child's face lights up as she puts in a straw in the can for him. This seems to be a conspiracy just between the two of them. My mother and the child sit and watch the other children play in the sandbox. The child pulls out a comic book from a knapsack with Big Bird on the back. My mother peers into his comic book. My mother, who taught herself to read as a little girl in Haiti from the books that her brothers brought home from school. My mother, who has now lost six of her seven sisters in Ville Rose and has never had the strength to return for their funerals. * Many graves to kiss when I go back. Many graves to kiss. * She throws away the empty soda can when the child is done with it. I wait and watch from a corner until the woman in the leotard and biker's shorts returns, sweaty and breathless, an hour later. My mother gives the woman back her child and strolls farther into the park. I turn around and start to walk out of the park before my mother can see me. My lunch hour is long since gone. I have to hurry back to work. I walk through a cluster of joggers, then race to a Sweden Tours bus. I stand behind the bus and take a peek at my mother in the park. She is standing in a circle, chatting with a group of women who are taking other people's children on an afternoon outing. They look like a Third World Parent-Teacher Association meeting. I quickly jump into a cab heading back to the office. Would Ma have said hello had she been the one to see me first? |
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