Hold On To Your Sides (It's Jim Davidson)
Granddad jokes that can kill at ten paces
Another room packed with cardboard faces
TV cameras they always lie
If Joe Pasquali is funny then so am I
Boom, boom
Hold on to your sides it's Jim Davidson
Pass me the remote it's Jim Davidson
Yet another gag about 'er indoors
When I say she's pig ugly I expect applause
I say, I say, I say the next worst thing to marriage guidance
...is marriage itself boom, boom
Boom, boom
Got a sawn-off shot gun it's Jim Davidson
Pass me a brick it's Jim Davidson
I laugh at all my own jokes
I've got a cracker about Shep and John Noakes
I've got a flash sports car and I shagged an ex-miss world
I'm getting divorced, I've got a drink problem to boom, boom
Boom, boom
Ammonia bottles at the ready here comes Jim Davidson
Guillotine down it's Jim Davidson
Innuendo, innuendo, low down pun
Canned laughter, applause "and Chalkie's flies were undone"
Innuendo, innuendo, low down pun
Cue laughter,,applause and a smoking gun, bang! bang!
Boom, boom
Hold on to your sides it's Jim Davidson
Free the lions it's Jim Davidson
Boom, boom
Boom, boom
Boom, boom
Boom, boom
Innuendo, innuendo, low down pun
Canned laughter, applause "and Chalkie's flies were undone"
Innuendo, innuendo, low down pun
Cue laughter, applause and a smoking gun boom, boom
Boom, boom
Hold on to your sides it's Jim Davidson
Hold on to your sides it's Jim Davidson
MtM 2001