Those Meddling Hydrofoils
The wind whistles through my ears
Straight in one, straight out of the other
I wish I'd drowned in the Solent but the crossings were far too frequent
I was picked up by hydrofoil and now I roam the blandest soil
Searching for my elysium and I'm standing in front of a bus museum
A sign up ahead reads The Isle Of Wight
Shit
Two minutes and what do you know I already feel like Robinson Crusoe
And as for all my desert island disc's I can listen to all ten while I'm gnawing my fists
All I find in amongst the spontaneous recreation is the Manhole Cover Repainting Association
So I traipse cliff side toe paths blindfold by night, maybe I'll live till tomorrow and I'll fly my kite
Grey seas, grey skys, I pray a tidal wave will rise and crush this puny rush hour morning, destroy this Isle of synchronised yawning
I wish I'd drowned in the Solent but the crossings were far too frequent
Still it could be worse, it could be raining
Shit
A Camber Soul Weekender escapee is washed ashore in a luminous dingee
He said Gregg Edwards had scarred him for life and he was on the run from his mad axe wielding Caister wife
I was pleased to meet him, cause I really needed a laugh
He gave me acid he'd had since 91 bought from Mr C's bouncer at the Downham Tavern
Bid me farewell and then set sail for Snodland
I dropped the acid and spent the next three hours laughing insanely at a small orange buoy
cast adrift a mile out to sea, only a limpet for company
Still raining
Next plastic dinosaurs are melting around me and the waterfowl all have the face of Donald Synden
Now I'm face down in a model village talking to a two inch postman about Iggy Pop
Here comes Captain Birdseye surfing in on the breast of a mermaid, he's shouting and gesturing at me
"Bring me the head of Thomas Dolby"!
I'm quite scared now, quite
I feel like I glow like I'm in a Readybreck advert and my legs feel like blancmange
My head weighs a ton, what the fuck have I done?
I get the impression I'm destined to wander these shores forever more singing this song
No never, no never no more will I trust in the Elves of Bembridge Windmill
No never, no never no more will I trust in the Elves of Bembridge Windmill
MtM 2004