Snodland Ahoy!
Showing off with my Associates Degree
I can now speak Klingon fluently
Thanks to my 3 years with the Osric University
Armed with my broom cupboard education, we're going on a mission
Distress signal picked up some place they call Pilgrims Way, Earth
Set the co-ordinates, Captains Log, Star Date unknown, prepare to beam down me, Spock, Chekov, McCoy
All phasers set to stun
Landing Party number one
Energise and materialise in the Garden Of England
Captain, Tricorder registers: crazy paving, pebble dash, stone cladding
Thank you Spock. 'This place is like a stray hanging basket of Babylon'
quips Bones, and we watch as the Devils Guts devour a hissing pylon
First traces of life forms are wearing pastel colour sweat-suits, effeminate looking but worn by both sexes nonetheless,
their young seem somewhat anaesthetised, pupils dilated, flying saucer eyes
They laugh hysterically at Crazy Frog ring tones and wear beige tartan scarves
Demeanours rank selfish, their trousers half mast
Stone, Iron, Bronze Age?
Indicators say stagnant age
Neolithic burial chambers and the countless stones, captivating mound
Yes that's a captivating mound alright Sir
Plastic and aluminium containers litter the parks and pavements
We find traces of inebriating odours, toxic nausea
This avenue suggests this sector of the galaxy is willing dull it's senses at any cost
There is definitely something very wrong here gentlemen
They have Crazy Frog ring tones and wear beige tartan scarves
Mention superior beings and throughout the bars you'll hear laughs
Stone, Iron, Bronze Age
Readings saying Stagnant age
And then about a mile along Pilgrims way
I hear my three companions say
Captain..............
I spy the bunting Snodland Ahoy!
Landing crew me, Spock, Checov, McCoy
Captains Log, Star Date unknown
Three word entry, 'embarrassed by home'
The backwater atmosphere reads foggy, Tricorder registers 'Sensi'
for the Medway is home of white reggae, a highly illogical concept before you say it I know Spock
and as we ponder this Chekov, drawn strangely to a Berkeley mud pit, exclaims 'Captain! Come and take a look at this We stand in silence and witness the last bleeps of a dying cell phone, our distress call
There is nothing to see here, beings content to stagnate rather than seek out the joys a United Federation Of Planets.
Gentlemen we would get more stimulation from a dead Tribble
I have a crazy dream that oneday this land will be free of Crazy Frog ring tones and Burberry scarves
be an altruist society and won't accept measures in halves
Stone, Iron, Bronze Age
Stuck in the stagnant age
Where is my Enterprise?
Paradise locked in the skies
Captain.........
I spy the bunting Snodland Ahoy!
Landing crew me, Spock, Checov, McCoy
Captains Log, Star Date unknown
Three word entry 'embarrassed by home'
The burial chambers
The countless stones
That's a captivating mound
White Reggae, Crazy Frog ring tones
Landing crew me, Spock, Chekov, McCoy
Beam us up, beam us up, beam us up.....................
MtM 2007/8