Ode To SELMC
"Hello!, hello! This is the South East London Musicians Collective"
Er yeah hello, I was after a gig for my band
"Well how many meetings have you been to?"
Meetings? No I was after a gig for my band
"Yes this is the South East London Musicians Collective, so how many meetings have you been to?"
I don't understand I just want a gig for my band, what are these meetings?
"Well we sit around a table and moan about the local council then mull when is the next gig for Fuzz Nation?
Bit of irrelevant right on politics and put the subs up with inflation and when is the next gig for Fuzz Nation!"
Er yeah hello, you don't seem to understand all I want is a gig for my band.
We've sent out our demos to the local venues, got some gigs at the local venues
I think we could at least half fill your venue so, er, can I send you my demo?
"But how many meetings have you been to?"
What! You seem to misunderstand I just want a gig for my band!!
Maybe I've got the wrong number
"No this is SELMC where Tarquin has the agenda, he's also freelance for the local newspaper
and his band do a great bongo-jazz fusion post-funk version of Rock The Casbah"
"We sit around the table and whinge about government funding and plan the next gig for Fuzz Nation
More irrelevant politics, subs up with inflation, then we all bow down to Fuzz Nation"
"Hello, hello this is the South East London Musicians Collective"
Yeah hello, I'm trying to get a gig for my band
"How many meetings have your band attended?"
It's a process of endurance, ears tediously bent for over two hours on how we are gonna recoup some money stolen by Torquill to fund his psychedelic blanket habit to get this antique mic stand mended
Oh and did we forget to mention we've a Spinal Tap convention at the Lewisham Labour Club this Friday? Should be a bumper pay day 'cause we've got Quabble and the Sideburns and a band called Scrotum Clamp and did I also forget to mention it's gonna be headlined by Fuzz Nation
I give up, no gig for my band, maybe a lucky escape, you'd find more cred' in playing the Eurovision Song Contest
A SELMC meeting? I'd rather drink Gold Lable for the rest of my life at Deptford Anchor wearing nothing but a string vest
And through the window of a second-hand television shop across the road I'd watch Eurovision and see Terry Wogan, Johnny Logan, a Norwegian yodelling and wait a minute...............and Fuzz Nation!!!!!!!
Fuzz fucking Nation!!!!!!! Fuzz fucking Nation!!!!!!!!!!! Fuzz fucking Nation!!!!!!!!!!
MtM 1995