| Memory - 2 I wish he could be here. I don't need him to do anything, I just need him take me away for a while. He was never my shining knight, but he always understands me when I need to get away from where I am. I could just focus on thinking, or just capture that spilt second of blankness, when he took me away... Then, sent me back in one piece with peace in mind. Needless to say, it's time, the situation that I need get away from where I am now. Even just for a while, I wish he could be here, to take me away. Were we lovers? No, never. The relationship between us is always fuzzy. Our conversation is always short. Even our mails can only contain less than 10 words. Something is squeezing my heart. It doesn't hurt, just, discomfort. Without any good reason, a thought about him just pop into my mind. I can't help but think, where he would take me to if he were here, what remedy he would hand me to relief my discomfort. Or he would just take me out for a ride as usual ? What would he say if I told him I have second thought about this deal I am in? Or I want to back out this deal ? He probably won't say a word, even no any facial expression on his face. Perhaps he would just take me to eat, or to a place and wait to see the sunset, and then tell me "Tomorrow is Thursday." Sun always come out, no matter what. Life goes on. I might just get killed or disowned by my mom for backing out of the deal if I ever decide to. She will definitely question what the heck is wrong with me, she also has to accept the fact, for the same reason over a decade ago, I chose math over med school. She brought me up well and I have been training myself to know what I am made of and what I can not be. I can not live a life with maybes or what if's. I have no where to run. It's meaningless to hide. Problems won't self-resolved. What can I do ? Probably nothing but take it one at a time. And yet, I just wish I have enough strength and wisdom to solve all this, without him taking me away. |