| Let me love him She asked him, if he still misses his ex. After all, she is his first love. You always pour your heart and soul for your first love ? almost no exception. It also seems normal, almost reasonable, for her to ask this question - "do you still miss her ?". Even though she didn't care that much at that time because she was nothing but just a "username" to him. At least she thinks so, even until today. He said, "Of course.", continues on, "Every time I do something that I used to do with her, reminded me about her." Time also does heal everything over time. Slowly. So he added. Quite a standard reply, almost identical to everyone else's, she thinks. But what set him apart from the rest of male population is "But we can create new experience to re-write memory." Clever, isn't he ? He is different, he is special, in his own way. Yet, he is just another single male that goes on dating marathons from places to places. Still he is different enough, special enough to turn her head and get her attention. Over the years, she has learned not to judge people at first sight. First impression is always deceiving, especially those "Too good to be true sorts". She just wants to have a peaceful life, on her own if necessary. The rest of world can rot in hell for all that matters; she delivered that message to the family personally not long ago. "No one else will have my best interest in mind but myself, I have to take care of my own happiness first before everything else." She told them that. Surprisingly, no one gave her "not to be selfish" or "don't be childish" lecture this time. It has nothing to do with gaining points of losing ground, but a declaration that she is on her own for real from now on. Freedom and independence don't come cheap. There's a price for them. "You are crazy." He said to her the other night. "Mister, you are not the first one to tell me so. But this is me, take me as I am or leave it." "I have no intention to do any major compromise for some strangers that might very well walk away from me in 1 month. Needless to say, I have no interest to take care other women's husbands at this moment." That's bad business investment, she believes. "I am not asking you to run your life the way I run mine, so don't you even dare to judge how I live my life." That's the lines she holds to keep everyone else in distance. Even though she hates to say any of these. She practices, practices and practices to make her voice sound cold. He didn't give her the chance to make her speak those out loud yet. She hopes, he won't give her the chance to say any of those. She always has that vision, that picture in her mind for a very long time. That someday, she would be hugging her love and welcome him home. See the love of her husband via their child's puffy face. Spend a cold Sunday afternoon with her love in front of that fireplace - doing nothing but cuddle. Et cetera, et cetera. What a daydreamer she is, she tells herself. Laugh at herself even, but with tears. She believes she is cursed, doomed, since long time ago. Since she realizes it's almost impossible for her to find another honest sincere being in this world. The hope, just died; the passion to believe just gone disappear. That dream, just keeps on haunting her from time to time, night after night. Now, she has him. She counts her blessings everyday. Even though it might be a master lie or a short-live dream. Even though she may very well just a replacement for his ex, or a temporary stand-in for his emptiness. She wants to live in every second of it. She carves every kiss deep unto her heart - write new memory like he said. "I don't want to sing or play any sad song at this moment, I want to sing happy tune for a change." She said. "Even though it's a lie, then let me have every happy moment until truth finds its way out." "Truth always finds its way out, sooner or later. I am just not in a hurry to dig it out for confirmation any time soon." "Just for once, let me love him." So she said... |