| How life would be, if... How life would be today, if I hung on a bit longer, tried harder then. I just can't help, but wonder, from time to time. "You will be fine without me.", I said to him. "I know, and yet, I have to wonder how my life would be with you by my side.", he said. "It's done. You made your call, life goes on no matter what." "I know." It was a stupid mistake he made. She got preganet then and at the end, it's not even his child. Life is not fair, and yet, it's so fair if you take a different approach. I owe everything I have today to him. I hate him for making what I am today. How life would be if he is by my side now - I would not be here for sure. I would look up to him every morning, as if the very first time we met. I would have his every kiss for the rest of my life, as the very first kiss I had. I would, have the chance, to see how much he loved me through my dear child's face - of course, it doesn't exist today. I would tear, after every argument we would have, just like every other couple. I would laugh for his every not-so-funny joke. I would get his lovely drawing as birthday gift at my every birthday, like the very first one I got from him. He is older today, wiser ? It's a sin to forget someone that runs across your life, I once read this. I don't want to be forgotten, so I remember everyone. No matter if they are nice or mean to me. I just remember. It's a burden to remember. I re-live every second when I remember. "I need learn how to forget all these", I thought. At the end, I found it's impossible. I torture myself with every mistake he made, every bad choice he chose. And then I learn, I have to forgive myself for not trying harder then. |