| Headache I am getting such a headache that I can't sleep these days, and now, I am here. I haven't been writing for quite a while, not only just behind my routine journal writing schedule, but also lack of the mean to pick up the pen to write anything. I am that close to kill myself these days. It's just too much, too frustrated, too stressful... Too much to bear, and I am very close to kill myself to end this sufferring. He must sleep like an angle now. Without him, I would really kill myself, and yet, he is not by my side when I need a shoulder to lean on. More and less, he gives me something to look forward everyday after work, just to listen to his voice for a few minutes. I am very easy to be satisfied, settled and pleased. A little bit of random kindness will make me feel like a happy jumpy bean in heaven. Even it is just an illlusion, I will still be happy and pleased about it. When was last time I had such an unbearable headache ? It seems to be long time ago. So long ago that I can't remember, or I don't want to remember. The hot weather perhaps plays a role that cause this terrible headache I have. I hope we get some rain in the next couple hours as forecast indicated. I love to listen to rain. Maybe the heavy rain, thunder storm can wash a way a little bit of pain and tension. I can't change others, I can only change myself. For I only have full control over myself. The headchae I suffer, can't be shared by others. I have to deal with it, until I can't any more, then I will either jump off the cliff or leap forward. In another 100 days, I perhaps can only remember a small fragment of pain I have today; In another 1000 days, I perhaps will not remember a thing had happened today. |