| The Never I think, I am afraid, I will never do what I dream of, I will never really have what I hope for. It is a curse. A curse that comes with me through time and space that I will not have a perfect ending. To end this life. I have passed the stage of doubting, but reaching the stage of acceptance that I will just never be able to. It's some strange feeling, as if nothing matters any more. Nothing worth my tears, my strength, and my mind. It's all emptiness. No, I am not happy. I am also not unhappy. It's like the emotion is meaningless for me once again. I don't care how this world will end, they can rot on their own for all I care. Indeed, nothing matters now. I am to a point, whatever my family want to do, I will not even bother to say "go ahead" but remain silent and stay where I am and do what I can do. It's meaningless to provide any input, useless to argue but a major waste of my strength. I know, if I want to, I can go slient and gone disappear in front their very own eyes without being noticed. Perhaps in my very broken heart and soul, I still hope they would attempt to find me, even a rotten corpos. But I know, they are not going to. They will curse, and then they will forget about me. Just like everyone else. Time does do tricks on normal human memory. People get old, people get sick, people forget. Is it sad ? Not really. I am beyond that. I just simply return to my sleepless nights, stand still in time river. They ask me how he is doing, how they are doing, I simply reply, they are going to die on their own without me just like I am going to die on my own without anyone. The never. How one's very own dream fades in front his very own eyes, knowing nothing can be done to save it.... One would stop dreaming but wake up on it. I understand the never, at last... |