| 9:30 PM It is a special time to me, 9:30 PM. It was the exact time I walked passing his post, after another long night non-stop studying. I know, as a fact, they always watch us from their post, in the dark. I can sense the eyes 10 meters away from the spot they stand. They are just like the beast, watching us as their prey. We seems to be the helpless prey. Then, one night, just like every other normal night, I decided to turn my head and say to one of them, "Good-night". The table has turned since that moment. It was 9:30PM. I walked passing that post every night, like a clock work, to catch last bus home. For a whole year, 9:30, every night, I would turn my head and say "good-night" to one of them. They thought I saw their faces, but in fact, I never really did. I recognize people by sound, not visual. Then another night, a voice responded my routine "good-night". He said good-night back to me. I smiled, to the darkness. So he said, afterward, he fell in love with me, and tried to be on duty for the post, the shift that could say good-night to me. Then, I graduated, he retired from his army service. I began to get phone call at 9:30PM, from him. He called, just to say "good-night" to me, like a clock work. THen, we broke up, for that stupid mistake he made. 9:30PM turns to be a curse, a torture moment every night. When phone happened to ring at 9:30PM, I am shaking, subconsciously. For the past 6000 9:30PM, I suffer, every single one of them. I do everything humanly possible, not to walk passing that point at 9:30PM. Not to look at the phone set at 9:30PM. I was relatively successful. But no matter where I am, what I do, at 9:30PM, I am still shaking, more or less. I reviewed the wound, attempted to resolve this unexplainable trauma. I walked passing that point at 9:30PM one more time. It doesn't seem to be that dark as I remember. The tree was trimmed poorly. The mystic magic is gone. He is not the exact same perfect one I remember, come to think about it. Did I love him ? Oh, yes, I did, and until then. Did he every love me ? I am not sure about it any more. He perhaps never did. But again, what good can come out of it by finding out if he ever loved me ? 9:30PM, is still a haunting moment for me, but not as painful as before any more. I decide to over-write the 9:30PM. It will not be easy, it will not be done over night. But, the time, stands by my side for this matter. 9:30PM, will just be as common as any other given moment. |