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Bill rents an apartment in Chicago, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl, so she strikes up a conversation with him.

As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, he places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming..." 

Bill follows her into the apartment. Once inside, she leans against the wall allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely nude, she purrs, "What would you say is my best feature?" 

The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, your best feature has to be your ears!" 

She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these breasts! They're full, they don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My butt is firm and doesn't sag, and have no cellulite! So, why in in the world would you say my ears are my best feature?"

Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers, "Because, when we were in the hallway you said you heard someone coming... that was me!"

Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. 

"Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?"

"For God's sake, no!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards."

One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.  Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. 
The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"
The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day.  "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," replied Little Johnny. Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?" "With you!" he said. "But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!" 

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid" , said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the
witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"

In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?", "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."

12 Days of X'mas

On the twelve days of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

December 14, 1985

Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised, darling!

With deepest love,

Agnes

===============

December 15, 1985

Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtledoves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are truly adorable!

With all my love,

Your Agnes

===============

December 16, 1985

Dearest John,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! But I really must protest, I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens! My goodness. You are just a darling, of course, but I must insist, you've been too kind!

Love,

Agnes

===============

December 17, 1985

Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are plainly beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic, dear.

Affectionately,

Agnes

===============

December 18, 1985

Dearest darling John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings! One for every finger! You're just impossible, darling, but oh how I love it! Frankly, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves. I'm glad you thought of something different.

All my love, Agnes

===============

December 19, 1985

Dear John,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through all that racket. Please stop.

Cordially, Agnes

===============

December 20, 1985

John,
What the hell is with you and those flapping birds!? Seven swans a-swimming!! What kind of goddamn joke is this!!?? There's bird excrement everywhere! The little tykes never shut up, I can't sleep anymore, and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny, you weirdo.

Sincerely, Agnes

===============

December 21, 1985

O.K. Buster,
The birds were bad enough, but what the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? If that's not bad enough, they had to bring their goddamn cows!! There is dung all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house!! Just lay off me, smart alec, or you'll be sorry!

Agnes

===============

December 22, 1985

Hey Prat!
What are you, some kind of sadist!?! Now there're nine pipers playing! Christ do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbours are getting a petition against me.

You'll get yours! Agnes

December 23, 1985

Words fail me!!!
Now there're ten ladies dancing! But they're not ladies! Those broads are having an orgy with the pipers! Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea! My living room is a river of %$œ$, and the building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause for having all these animals. I'm calling the police on you, creep!

One who means it!

===============

December 24, 1985

Listen mate!
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies??!!! Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers ran through the maids and have been sodomizing the cows. At least, the birds are quiet. They were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you are satisfied, you rotten vicious swine!

Your sworn enemy,

Agnes

===============

December 25, 1985

Law Offices of Badger, Binder, and Irwin
30 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois

Dear Sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, one Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. If you attempt to reach Ms. McHolstein at Happy Daze Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.

Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Merry Christmas!! (snicker, snicker)

Cordially,
Badger, Binder, and Irwin

 

Joke #1

Ah Beng walked into a pub in New York. He sat at the counter where two Englishmen were drinking. The bartender asked one of the Englishmen, "What would you have, Sir?"
"Jack Daniels, single" was the reply.
The bartender asked the next Englishman, "And how about you, sir?"
The Englishman replied, "Johnny Walker, single."
The bartender turned to Ah Beng, "And you, sir?"
Ah Beng replied, "Tan Ah Beng, married!"

Joke #2

Ah Kong met Ah Poh outside the cinema.
Ah Poh: "I want to watch movie."
Ah Kong: "What show?"
Ah Poh: "This show lah, Species II."
Ah Kong: "I want to see but only two of us, how can?"
Ah Poh: "Why cannot? You are old enough what."
Ah Kong: "You didn't see this poster meh?"
Ah Poh: "?"
Ah Kong: "This poster already say, under 21 not permitted, and we only got two!"

Joke #3

Ah Seng calls the telephone operator.
Ah Seng: "What's the time difference between New York and Singapore?"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Ah Seng: "Thank you." (click)

Joke #4

Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

This is what he came up with :

 

1 (one) fine day I go 2 (to) climb up a 3 (tree) beside an apartment to peep.  After saw by the couple in the room, I got panic and had a great 4 (fall).  The man rushed out and had a 5 (fight) with me. I run away to 6 (seek) for help. End up running into 7 eleven. I grab some 8 (egg) and threw at him and pull out a 9 (knife) to stab him.  And 10 (then) hor … then hor … then he die lor.

 

Then the continuation of the story ….

 

And 10 (then) hor and then hor … I put the 9 (knife) back on the shelf and pay the girl for the 8 (egg) and left 7 eleven.  Next day I call my boss and say I am 6 (sick). He say 5 (fine), tomorrow also no need to come back 4 (for) work. He also say go climb a 3 (tree) and jump.  I don’t understand, I nice 2 (to) him but I don’t know what he 1 (want)…

A letter from a romantic Ah Beng:

Ah Lian dearest.......
Your beautiful face no fight,
Silky hair everybody like;
Your horse figure no horse run,
Big big eyes, small small mouth, cannot tahan;
One word,
Marry wife follow wife, Marry cat follow cat,
You go there, I go there;
If you are moon, I the star beside you,
If you are flower, I the leaf of your flower;
When you exercise, I am the sweat at the armpit,
If you are shit, I am the fly;
When you are bathing, I am the soap.
To sky end sea corner,
You are my woman this lifetime,
Lupe you deep deep.

Flom,
Ah Beng

 

 

Reply letter from Ah Lian:

Ah Beng,
My lomantic lone langer,
Your handsone face I cannot sleep,
Curly, curly hair don't look cheap;
Your big body can do many tricks,

Wa lau A, So much kick;
They say I marry cock must follow cock,
So you take me wife like a dog, also can,
Until sea dry rock rot,
I am your bor,
Sky long earth lasting.

Your larling horse (ma-zi),
Ah Lian

 

Do you speak Singlish? 

Does any of the following sound like you?

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it effectively when communicating their intentions. Just compare these few common phrases that S'poreans and Britons use to say the same thing:

1.      When telling a customer that the item is not available...
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No stock!

2. Returning a call...
   Britons: Hello, this is John Travolta. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
   S'poreans: Hello, who page?
3. When someone is in the way...
   Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
   S'poreans: Lai, siam!
4. When someone offers to pay...
   Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
   S'poreans: No need, lah!
5. When asking for permission...
   Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
   S'poreans: S'cuse me!
6. When entertaining...
   Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
   S'poreans: Don't be shy, leh!
7. When doubting someone...
   Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
   S'poreans: Where got?
8. When declining an offer...
   Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
   S'poreans: Dowan!
9. When deciding on a plan of action...
   Britons: What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?
   S'poreans: So how?
10. When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
    Britons: Err, Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about...
    S'poreans: Li siow, ah? (Are you mad?)
11. When asking someone if he/she knows you...
    Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
    S'poreans: Kua si mi? (What you looking at?)

 

The Singapore Cabby

An American is visiting Singapore. He gets into a cab and asks the driver to show him the sights. The cabbie first takes him by Orchard Road.

"What's that?" asks the American.
"Oh, that's Takashimaya Shopping Centre. It's a shopping complex with over 300 stores."
"Golleee," drawls the American. "How long do you reckon it took to put that up?"
"Oh, I dunno," replies the cabbie. "About two years, I think."
"Two years!" exclaims the American. "Why, in America, we would put that up in less'n ONE year!"

The cabbie continues with the tour, and passes by the Shenton Way.

"What's that?" asks the American, craning his neck and looking up.
"Oh, that's the UOB Building. It's got 70 storeys and about 10,000 people work in that one building."
"Mah goodness," drawls that American. "How long do you reckon it took to put that up?"

The cabbie, not wanting to be outdone this time, says, "Oh, I seem to remember that going up in about six months."
"Six months!" exclaims the American. "Why, in America, we could put up that building in THREE months!"

The cabbie is now getting a little annoyed. He turns west and takes his passenger by the AYE.

"Golleee," drawls the American, looking 1,800 feet up to the top of the tower. "What's that?"
"I dunno," says the cabbie. "It wasn't here this morning."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?

A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus

A to Z of the Kiasu Philosophy

• A   Always must win
• B   Borrow but never return
• C   Cheap is good
• D   Don't trust anyone
• E   Everything also must grab!
• F   Free! Free! Free!
• G   Grab first, talk later!
• H   Help yourself to everything
• I    I first, I want, I everything
• J   Jump queue
• K   Keep coming back for more
• L   Look for discounts
• M   Must not lose face
• N   Never mind what they think
• O   Outdo everyone you know!
• P   Pay only when necessary
• Q   Quit while you're ahead
• R   Rush and push to win the race
• S   Samples are always welcome
• T   Take but don't give
• U   Unless it's free, forget it
• V   Vow to be number one
• W   Winner takes it all! All! All!
• X   X'tra = More!
• Y   Yell if necessary to get what you want
• Z   Zebras are kiasu because they want to be black & white at the same time

 

Kiasu School of Thought

Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5Cs:

• Car
• Condo
• Credit Card
• Cash
• Career

Lately, we have the 5Ks:

• Kiasu (scared of losing)
• Kiasee (scared of dying)
• Kiabor (scared of wife)
• Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
• Kiachenghu (scared of government)

Last tip: Always think smart but act blur!

 

Sorry, wrong number

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

(swallowing)
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me:     Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T:   (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me:     7 days a week?

AT&T:   That's right.

Me:     365 days a year?

AT&T:   Yes sir.

Me:     I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T:   We think so!

Me:     That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T:   Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.

Me:     OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T:   Excuse me?

Me:     You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T:   What are you talking about?

Me:     You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T:   Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me:     Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T:   Well, yes this is AT&T sir, but......

Me:     But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T:   No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me:     THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T:   Sir I don't think that is necessary.

Me:     Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T:   What?

Me:     I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T:   Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

 

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me:              Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me:              Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

 

I had to swalow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

 

Me:              No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me:              Thank you.

 

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

 

AT&T:   Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me:     Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T:   (click)

 

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5.30 pm and smells the distinctive scent of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is okay.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

One Saturday evening, a woman was awakened by the ringing of her phone.

In a sleepy grumpy voice, she said hello. The party at the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tyre just went flat while we were inside the concert hall. Please don't be mad, okay?"

Since the woman didn't have any daughters, she knew the person had called the wrong number. "I'm sorry, dear," she replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."

A pause. Then, "Boy, Mom," came the young woman's voice. "I didn't think you'd be this mad."

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman was finally able to have a baby. All her relatives came to visit to meet the newest member of their family.

When they asked to see the baby, the 65-year-old mother said, "Not yet." A little later, they asked to see the baby again. Again, the mother said, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother said, "When the baby cries." So the agitated relatives asked, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother admitted guiltily, "Because I forgot where I put it."

A man had just moved from his big apartment in New York City to a big farm way out in the countryside.

Just days after he moved, he realised that he was out of chicken feed, so he went down to the nearest store, a good two-hour drive away.

"Can you get me some chicken feed?" the man asked .

"Yup, but ya can't have none unless you can prove to me you actually got chickens. Don't want no one eatin' it or nothin' an' gettin' sick," the female clerk responded.

He argued with her a bit, but finally gave in and took a two-hour drive back and forth once again, this time with the chicken. "Here's my chicken. Now get me the chicken feed."

He got his feed and drove home. The next day, he ran out of dog food. Once again, he drove down to the store, foolishly not thinking about bringing his dog. It was the same case. He had to present his dog to the stubborn clerk.

He went back home and retrieved his dog, and got his dog food.

The next day, he went down to the store again, this time with a shoe box with a lid on it that had a hole in the top. He walked into the store and said to the clerk "Put your finger in this, take it out, and smell it.

"That smells like... crap!" she exclaimed, with a look of surprise on her face.

"Yup. Need toilet paper."

Satan's Side

A man was going to attend a Halloween party dressed in a costume of the devil. On his way it began to rain, so he darted into a church where a revival meeting was in progress.

At the sight of his devil's costume, people began to scatter through the doors and windows.

One lady got her coat sleeve caught on the arm of one of the seats and, as the man came closer, she pleaded, "Satan, I've been a member of this church for 20 years, but I've really been on your side all the time."

 

Getting Married

1.      Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

2.      At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

3.      Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

4.      A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

5.      Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

6.      A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

7.      Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."

8.      Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

9.      When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy we wonder why.

10.    Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

11.    After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

12.    It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

13.    A man inserted an "ad" in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine".

14.    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing; either the car is new or the wife.

15.    A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

16.    A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

An Englishman, Italianman and Singaporean man went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies.

While walking around the course, the Englishman's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head, revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained. "You give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually, no one notices."

The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a 10 spot. Go to Mark and Spencer's and get some knickers."

Two holes further along, the Italianman's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head, revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Italianman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.

"Well darling," she explained. "You give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

With that the Italianman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a five spot. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."

Three holes further on, the Singaporean man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance.

The Singaporean man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. At least you can tidy yourself up a bit."

Season's Greetings
Money's Short
Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking
Christmas Card

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

 

 

            (> ”” <) 

            ( * o * )

            (,,) . (,,)

 

 

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