BRINGBACKTHEBREWSLETTER

Edition 15 December 2001
By Blue

‘Twas a week before Chookmas, with nothing stirring at ICA Stepney, not even a mouse.  Well except from Grog, who was firing on all cylinders and duly placed himself in charge of keeping the bar in a horizontal position and the jokebox oozing crap upon crap song.

As one of the young chooks was quoted as saying halfway through a mixed netball game ‘Geez this games hard with a gutfull of Boags under your belt’ the Chookless assault on another long night at ICA began to fire up.

After a 2 for 3 effort in the Netball games, the graveyard shift was in order for the Chookless Heads. The 10pm game (which if you give time for the reserves game to finishes means 10:40pm start) beckoned for the fellas, and with both participating teams well and truly entrenched in the surroundings of the bar upstairs, there was no real fight to field first.  Eventually Captn Funky rallied the boys for a field.  Unlike all xmas barbies going on at the moment, a stubbie of Pale was unfortunately banned from the field, so it was Rydy, who had to make a quick back track upstairs to drop of the beer he had in his hand, and the one in the pocket too.  There was also a look of disappointment on his face when told the one-hand-one bounce rule also would not be in play.

Needless to say this wasn’t going to make a lick of difference to the Chookies on this night.  With the opposition struggling to even hold the bat in their hand, and a policy for recruiting only wood choppers, the Chookies were well placed at the halfway mark.  A succession of no look catches from Blue, Reggie and a sup-berb one-hander from Rydy (off his own bowling mind you - he doesn’t pull this off for anyone else -  lets just make that point very clear).  Funky, who was diligently applying the sweat to the ball (although you could have left your pants on for this mate), made it work wonders for the guys, including himself, with the ‘noodes’ nowhere to be seen.  Around 55 runs were on the board going into the final 8.

The trend continued with notable mentions to Chrisso doing a great job behind the stumps (making sure when ever he wipped the bails off, the stumps went flying into the side net).  The only thing going for the opposition was the fact that they were completely dominating the mullet awards, with a couple of the blokes (and even their girlfriends as Grog pointed out) taking the points in the fashion department.  70 runs from 16 the final score with at least 40 of these being notched up in wides and no-balls (the kitty loves you Bluey).

First up to bat was Tiger and Reggie who were looking to wipe the deficit out in their allotted time.  Unfortunately they fell about 20 runs short and with this mild mannered reporter consumed in the activities upstairs, one can only assume that Reggie probably pulled a couple of more zacs from his butt and Tige probably tried to take a couple of fieldsmans heads off with his swats.

Next in were Funk and Blue, both disappointed in the fact they had to leave their beers upstairs.  Again, you can expect Blue to have probably pulled the Hoik out of his kit bag, been plum LWB on a couple of occasions and also give the bowlers a free shot at his middle stump.  While Funk would most likely give the back net a peppering (although not from the spinners) and also get dudded by the umpy in a run out decision.  This appeared almost spot on with a total score of about 15 runs from their 4.

After Stuey (the guy that runs the place, not Blue) had the experts in during the week, to tighten the top nets up, Rydy was getting some magnificent purchase off the them.  If the fellas had been watching we would have heard the ‘Top net Rydeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy’ call one too many times.  His partner in crime Chrisso most likely almost lost his head off his shoulders from shaking it too much in utter disgust.  Still he would have kept the fielders on their toes, giving them every opportunity to cover themselves in glory - pity they either had their beer goggles on.  Either that or they didn’t bring the scrunchies along to tie back their mullets.

With the ‘runs to get’ now being passed and the ‘overs left in the day’ showing 4, the usually last partnership of Whizz and Num Nums took to the crease.  Again with Grog struggling with the duds playing pool, for supremacy at the jokebox, the reporting is a little mediocre.  Still it doesn’t stop the story being manufactured.  If you look at the scouting report, Num Nums would have played and missed about half the balls he faced - the other half being hit to cowshot corner.  While Wizz would have played the smiling assassin and struggled to get a gallop up running between wickets.  Put him down for a zac or two though.

If ever there was an opportunity to lift the percentage and go for the bonus points, this game was it, but with the clock nudging closer to midnight, a mediocre final score of about 90 was the final result and the Chookies had returned to the winners list for the first time in 3 weeks.

If you have read this far, you should be privileged to have been invited to view the latest, although very rare these days, Brewsletter.  The plan from here is to put it in a big arse frame and get Tony Greig to flogg it off during the remainder of the summer.  Some corporate wanker is bound to get his secretary to buy one, only to eventually wonder ‘what the F is this shite?’

Q. Will there be a long time between drinks before the next Brews?

A. Probably

Q. What about the bloody website, I’ll have cobwebs on me before I see it, I s’pose?

A. Blue has a company of duds in Canberra working on it, who have taken all his money and promise to take forever to get it to him.

Q. Would Grog have felt a little seedy on Wednesday morning?

A. Odds are 10 to 1 on for that.

Merry Chookmas to you all, and your Chookie families.  Please be considerate on the day and eat the Chickens arch enemy - the Turkey.