Neon Genesis Evangelion Higher Learning Strike Fiss, 2000 Thirty-Eighth Lesson: "Conferences" Once again, it started with Beethoven. Kaoru blinked as he heard the humming, turning to Rei, who was seated to his left in the passenger seat of the rent-a-car. "Rei?" She blinked, looking up at him. "Hai?" "You were humming." The teacher blinked. "Hai." She smiled softly. Sensei Kaoru just smiled and nodded, returning his attentions to the parking lot. "I wanted to thank you again for coming, Rei. I shouldn't have asked, but I knew you of all people would be able to appreciate what I'm doing here." Rei just nodded. "Thank you, Sensei. I'm glad I could come along." He smiled as he found a parking space, just as Rei was finishing up the last few bars from somewhere in the middle of the 5th Symphony. "I didn't know you liked Beethoven, Rei?" "I didn't." she said. "But I have been interested in hearing more." "Good to hear." Kaoru said as he backed the car up into an empty stall. "Though, you should also expand your exposure. I could probably dig up some of my old Bach compact disks for you if you were interested." "I...I do not have a CD player." Rei blushed, curling her hands up in her blouse (yet another example of her shopping abilities). Kaoru blinked, then nodded. "I'm sure we could get you one to borrow from the school media library, Rei-chan!" "Really?" Rei beamed, then blushed. "I mean...that would be too much to ask of..." "Not at all!" Kaoru chuckled. "Just promise me you'll write the next test and pass." Rei nodded firmly as the engine cut off, and they stepped out of the car. "I will do my best, Sensei!" They arrived a bit late, due to Kaoru's unfamiliar navigation skills. Tokyo-3 could be a very strange place to move around outside of mass- transit. How Misato could drive so confidently and fast in this maze was a mystery to nearly everyone. Both of them sneaked into the giant Omoi Conference Room while the crowd was clapping from the previous speech. Rei was amazed there were so many teachers in all of Japan, let alone just the Tokyo area. While most would be researchers and specialists, she did see a few other teachers from their school. Most were seated around the same table, and indeed, Kaoru lead them over to that area, arriving just as the applause died out and the speaker returned to the front, going on and on about the budget for a good long while, and giving the Sensei and his student time to find their seats. "The system works." Kaoru winked at Rei, who just smiled back. The room let out a small, collective sigh as the lights dimmed, and a projection of student facts and figures came up on the presentation board. "I think we arrived too early, Sensei." Rei mentioned quietly. "Me too." He sighed, then smiled. "I hope you don't mind." "Not at all." Rei smiled earnestly. The two men three tables across from them slowly put away their newspapers and walked for the door. One pulled out a comm. unit just before the door closed. "Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah-dah!" Shinji and Asuka looked over to the radio with a blink. "Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah! Just take those old records off the shelf! I'll sit and listen to them byyyy myself..." She grumbled and turned the radio off. Shinji blinked. "Hey! That was a good song!" "It was not." She pouted, returning her attention quickly to the papers laid out in front of her...scribbling quickly. Shinji sighed and nodded. "Okay. We won't listen to the radio." He said, also returning his attention to his own homework. Of course, it was the same project...designing a better NERV...but they had each chosen separate aspects to focus on. He groaned as he looked over his assignment. How Sensei could come up with this stuff was a mystery to him. It was deceptively easy...grabbing your attention, then holding you there when you realized you'd have to work for any reasonable results. Right now, he was knee deep in figuring out who the Secret Service branch would answer to. Over and over, he kept on thinking 'Commander Ikari'. The more he thought about it, the more he knew it to be true. So many secrets and so many dangers...only the Commander would be able to control it all. Shinji hated it. He was beginning to see the true genius of his father. Even if he was a cold-hearted asshole... But still...Shinji knew he could do it better. Find a way. Make the secrets not so secret...yet still protected. Let people choose their own lives, instead of being just a part in a plan. There was so much he didn't yet understand...yet he could see it all now. How they all fit together...the City, NERV, the Sub-Commander and staff...even Shinji and the other... "Okay, FINE!" Asuka said loudly, reaching back over to the radio. All at once, the music came back, a little louder this time. "There." She grumbled, back to her homework. Shinji blinked. "...music just sooooths tha' soul! I'm reminiscing 'bout the daaaays of ollld! Just like that old time o Rock N Roll!" He blinked again, then reached over and turned down the volume. "Asuka...it's okay, if you didn't want to listen to it then you can just shut if off." Asuka looked up at him with a tired, strange look. "Fine...fine..." And the music was off a moment later. Shinji found his thoughts were no longer focused on NERV. "Asuka...what's wrong?" Shinji asked quietly in the new-found silence. The snap of a pencil's tip was her only answer. The redhead silently reached over to her book bag and pulled out a sharpener. "Nothing." She whispered; and with that began to grind the dull pencil back to a usable shape. He sighed, conceding once more. She looked so down...so fragile, even now as she pretended to be so strong, he could see the cracks in her concentration...the false frown and the nervousness. He didn't want to risk a confrontation. Not now, anyway. Maybe later...maybe after she was feeling better. Still, when he looked down, he saw his hand flexing in anger. A rumble passed through him. He needed to do something... So, he wondered...what was it that would make him this mad? As if by magic, the phone rang. Shinji looked over to Asuka. Asuka looked over to Shinji tiredly. He gave out a small sigh as the third ring hit and walked over to the phone. "Hello?" A female voice he had never heard before replied, talking in obviously strained Japanese. "Hello! Asuka Langley Sohryu please." He blinked then turned to Asuka. "It's for you." Asuka blinked. "Is it Hikari?" she asked walking over and taking the phone from him. "Hello?" He blinked as Asuka suddenly giggled. "Guter Nachmittag!!" Her voice instantly transformed from the Japanese Shinji had been so accustomed to...now sounding like an alien tongue. It was amazing, he mused. She sounded so different...yet...he couldn't help but smile. She still sounded like his Asuka...Still strong and vibrant...full of life. It was wonderful to see...and a strange contrast from just moments ago. Shinji watched from the table, wishing he could understand her better. Such a hard thing to achieve...understanding. But, once in a while, even as she was speaking in German, he could pick out phrases and words that sounded familiar. He knew that her family was doing well, at least. She mentioned his name once or twice, making him wonder if it was good or bad news. He smiled when she laughed, and hung on the occasional pause caused by her mother talking on the other end. It had to have been her mom...she seemed so happy! And the woman did seem to be an older sounding person. Who else would be calling from Germany? Finally, though, Asuka was done. "Abschied!" she said politely, then simply let the phone drop down on the hook. Shinji smiled as she turned around to face him. "Wow! You were certainly on the phone long. Who was that?" "My mom." Asuka said quietly as she walked past him and sat back down in the seat. "Your mom?" Shinji followed. "That's great! You never told me much about your family. What is she like?" "She's not my real mom." Asuka said, looking up at him though droopy red hair. "That was just a routine communication from the German NERV branch. My stepmother calls once in a while to see how the project is progressing." Shinji blinked. "Your stepmother?" he paused, wondering what to say next. "Well, uhm...what about your dad?" "Probably busy in the lab." Asuka said. Her pencil was back on paper, scribbling her badly formed kanji. He nodded to himself. "Okay..." So. That was it, was it? Not if he could help it. "Uhm..." Shinji paused, trying to think of something to say. "Hey! Did I ever tell you about how my mom went to Germany once? I bet she met your family!" "No you didn't." Asuka mumbled absently as she wrote. Shinji sighed and slumped slightly. "Uhm...well, she did." "Wonderful." "Yeah...I guess." He said, walking back over to the table. "You seem..." Shinji strained for words, still trying to think of something...anything to connect with her. He pondered the problem, looking across from her with his hands crossed against his chin. His dad would know what to do in a situation like this...why couldn't Shinji figure it out too? What would Gendo Ikari do? Shinji jumped as he imagined his father in the exact same position, pondering what secrets to divulge and what ones to keep. Asuka noticed his sudden distress and blinked. "You okay there, Shinji?" she smiled softly. "Did the chair bite you?" He smiled. "I'm fine." He sighed, turning back to his homework as Asuka did. His thoughts were far from work, though. Father would be doing exactly that...right now...he would just sit here and plot and make people dance around him. He would sit behind his desk and bask in the cold, red sunset as it lit up the room. Shinji looked up to Asuka. She looked so distant...tense... And that's when he came up with his idea. He would do the last thing on earth his Father would do. Asuka wasn't really paying any attention to him as he stood and walked away from the table, so she was fairly surprised to say the least when two hands fell to her shoulders. It was only by a miracle she didn't jump right out of her seat, or spun around for a punch; maybe due to her mental state at the moment, and her desire to curl up into a ball and hide for a month. But, whatever the hands were, they began to give her a backrub. Asuka dropped the pencil after a moment, still hunched over at her books...but now, the expression on her face was not one of solitude and turmoil. Shinji was a bit scared he was doing something wrong...up until the point where Asuka let out a long, shuddering sigh and literally melted back against his hands. His heart threatened to jump right out of his chest, but he did not stop. Not that he really wanted to anyway. It was a strange situation, his mind thought...she would probably be just as mad if he stopped now. May as well keep going. Any last worries in his mind were thwarted when the feeling of smooth, warm skin beneath his touch registered. It was about then he realized how long it must have been since they had any actual contact with each other...not just laying next to each other in a bed. Asuka hummed softly as Shinji continued. The tension dripping away from her features with every passing second. "Not bad, Third Child..." she whispered finally...her voice a complete escape from her previous tones. All at once, Shinji recognized that Asuka... The one he fell in love with. "Really? It's my first time..." he replied quietly...to his credit, now not nearly as nervous. She smiled to herself. "Well, you learn quick." She sighed and tilted her head forward a bit as Shinji massaged her neck with his thumbs. "Mmmm..." It was such a simple thing, Shinji reasoned, watching the whole thing almost as if outside of his body. His Father would never connect to anyone. He would never love or touch...never talk to or converse in the way normal people did. Shinji would have felt almost sorry for the man...if he didn't see so many similarities between himself and his father. "That changes now..." he thought to himself as he brushed Asuka's wonderful, thick, silky hair off over her shoulders so he could have access. "I'm not going to turn into him." At least not while he could make Asuka happy by changing. Protecting her was one thing...loving her was something completely different. Even Gendo could protect...as Shinji assumed he must have had some desire to fight the Angels and humanity's destruction. But to love? That was much deeper...the reason to protect verses blind fury against something dangerous. What use was it all? What use were the Evas? Sure, they could destroy humanity's foes...but unless humanity did something good and loved one another, it was all pointless. He had to start believing. Believing that this was all FOR something. That it all meant something. Even if that reason was just a moment like this...rewarded only by the gentle humming of his companion. Shinji wondered if his father ever knew moments like this with his mom. The most cynical part of his mind doubted it. But the one who still had a bit of faith...he could almost see it. Maybe in a small apartment Shinji would never know of...a late evening with Yui's university texts around her, and a bored Gendo who saw his future wife was feeling a bit under the weather. Surprising her, he'd put his hands on her shoulders...she'd jump, but smile, turning back to him and saying she was fine...that she didn't need anything. Gendo, stubborn man that he was, would hear nothing and simply begin to rub a slow pattern into Yui's skin. Yui might complain once or twice more...saying she had work to do...that it was important...but ultimately, in true Gendo fashion, he would win her over to the moment. And then Yui might start kissing one of the hands helping to relieve her stress... Oh... Wait... That was Asuka. Shinji blinked as he returned to the present and saw a very content looking Asuka turned slightly in her chair now, having his left hand captured with a kiss against her neck as he rubbed her skin. Her eyes were half-open...looking very...very...something... "Mmmm...Shinji-kun..." she whispered against his hand. "Shhh..." he smiled. "Just relax..." An inner voice asked him where the hell he learned to talk like that. Asuka nodded and sighed, relaxing back against him again. "Thank you...I needed this..." "Is there anything else you need?" Shinji asked. "Maybe..." Asuka hummed. Shinji decided not to push his luck and settled to the backrub, now massaging a bit deeper. "I would like you all to give a warm greeting to our next guest speaker, as this will be his first time up in front of the Japan Third District school board." The speaker smiled happily. "Miyazaki Kaoru- san!" The air lit up a bit as Kaoru walked up to the podium, bowing respectively to the head Sensei of the room. A light round of applause from the crowd was just enough to remind him he would have to impress them all with his speech, or they would probably all be asleep by the end of it. O-Sensei relinquished the mic and helped Kaoru adjust it to his slightly taller stature, then bowed and walked off. "Good luck." "Thanks." He sighed, looking at the hundred or so people who were waiting for him to begin. A smiling Rei in the middle, however, quickly grounded his thoughts and reminded him why he was there. "Well, first of all..." he coughed. "I don't really have a thank you list for the people here today. I'm sure you're all sick of hearing five minutes of other people's names before the actual talking begins anyway, so I'll just get to the point." He smiled back at Rei. "Though, I do have one special thanks...just a quick one...to go out to my students." The other teachers clapped earnestly, if not enthusiastically. Few of the people here knew anything about the current speaker, but most had enough pride as teachers that they appreciated what he was saying. "In the short few months I have been here," Kaoru continued, looking at the paper he had with him, yet memorized all anyway "the city of Tokyo 3 has been ripped apart, trampled on, and blown up in various ways, magnitudes and by both sides of this war." He looked up at the surprised faces. "One can only imagine what our children feel like in the middle of all this." A few nods echoed across the crowd. "Well, I know exactly what they feel like." Kaoru said, looking out over the tops of his glasses. "They felt as we did...our generation...when the Second Impact hit us. They know the confusion...if not on a global scale, at least in this home land of ours. They know the desperation when the raid-sirens start up and the announcements to evacuate from math class to bomb shelter are given. "As teachers...and yes...all of us...we have been guilty of providing our students with a false hope." He said...his voice a bit smaller. "We believe that hope is needed, no matter what. We believe that for them to survive...even perhaps to the end of this year...that they will need to feel they are living normal lives." Mixed reaction this time...a few frowns, but an equal number of nods, even at the accusations. "And hope is good." Kaoru smiled out over the crowd. "It's what made us, as a species, survive and prosper as far as we have. Hope for something better...hope for the future." He looked down at his notes. "But just what kind of future are we hoping for? "A future where humanity is ruled by the companies and agencies who make weapons? Or perhaps a shadow of our former society as we just barely escape the Angels with our lives?" he shook his head. "Well, right now, I am here to tell you that there will be no future. No future with just hope alone." He looked down to Rei. "Unless these Children learn WHY..." he said simply. "Why it's so important to have hope." The lights had been dimmed now...most of the ambiance being provided by the quarter-moon outside. The tiny apartment seemed cold in the blue, deep light...yet there was a warmth in the air that made it so familiar. The stark, cold and messy kitchen table had long since been abandoned for the comfort of the chair and floor. Asuka lay prone up against the chair, laying back between Shinji's legs as he hunched over her lightly, hands down the back of her shirt, working their way up and down in little patterns at random...but all having the same effect. Asuka was completely, utterly, toasted. The wonderful feeling you get from someone close to you doing something so nice, or pleasurable, that your brain begins to shut down...worry by worry, pain by pain...until all you can do is enjoy the sensations. Every kneed into her back and shoulders moved her like a doll...not that she minded one bit. Every bit of resistance and stiffness in her body had melted away. Shinji probably could have begun to make her dance and she wouldn't have minded so long as he didn't drop her. He blinked as she laughed softly at the thought. "Asuka?" "Nothing..." she cooed. "I'm just enjoying this a bit too much, I think..." Shinji blushed, but smiled. "Good." She sounded almost sleepy the next time she talked. "Shinji...can I ask you something?" "Of course, Asuka-chan." He nodded against the top of her head, daring a happy, small sigh to breathe in the smell of her shampoo. "Ask anything you want." "You...you won't leave me, will you?" she asked quietly. While her voice seemed so relaxed and intoxicated, a small bit of worry did eek though via her question. Shinji paused his backrub for a moment, thinking of the best answer...not wanting to say anything wrong. He resumed with a light smile. "I won't leave you." He whispered into her ear. "I promise." She hummed and nodded her approval. "Good..." A twitch inside her mind registered something different now...his hands coming back up to her shoulders and neck. Something didn't feel right... Wondering what it was, Asuka refocused her foggy thoughts and turned around. FLASH! Two eyes...wild and bright in the darkness...glared at her with such intensity that she gasped out loud. Wild hair left a strange shadow against the roof. "M...mama?" She struggled to back away, but those hands were still around her neck...holding her with inhuman force. The eyes never moved, though the woman was alive...breathing in calm, slow heaves. "Mama! Let me go!" Asuka begged. "Asuka...don't let that other girl see you fight me..." the voice came out, clear and haunting. "she might think you're not a good daughter!" The grip around her neck began to tighten. Asuka tried to cry out, but air was not coming to her lungs. "Papa is gone..." the voice continued. "He left us..." "I don't care!" Asuka squeaked out. "I can live on my own!" "No, Asuka...please don't say such silly things." Her mother continued. In the shadows, she could just make out a small smile. "We'll be together, always...you promised me." "NO!" "Now, come with me..." "NOOO!" "Die with me, Asuka..." "NOOOOOO!!" she yelled, trying to rip free with all her strength, but her limbs felt like fluff...like fabric. "I'M NOT YOUR DOLL!" "Die with me!!!" FLASH! Shinji was about to let go, scared he hurt Asuka due to her sudden screaming...but it happened all so fast. Whatever limb hit him hit hard. Then, it hit again, and was assisted by another limb...probably a foot this time... to the side of his head. "NOOO!" Asuka screamed, completely hysterical. Blind with terror, she dropped Shinji quickly, who was half-way unconscious as it was, then scrambled off to her room, almost breaking down the door. The slam was enough to remind Shinji to breathe, and he did so with great pain. "ASUKA!" he yelled out after, trying to follow with equal speed, but failing when his body refused to cooperate. When he finally did get to his feet the only feeling running through his head was pure terror at was just happened. The door was not locked, but even then he just barely refrained from breaking it down as well. Shinji was expecting to find Asuka in some horrible position...maybe ready to jump out the window...or with a sharp object against her tender skin... But she was curled up in a ball, crying. She hadn't even made it to the bed before she collapsed both mentally and physically. Shinji stood there, completely shocked for the longest time. Asuka didn't even look up at him. She just shook. Too frightened to cry. Finally, the heat of his own tears knocked him back into reality and he ran for the telephone, desperately searching his memory for Misato's cell phone number. It picked up after an agonizing long four rings. "Mooshimo..." "MISATO! HELP!!!" "Well, that went better than expected." Kaoru smiled over at Rei as they drove back into the city. Rei blushed. "Sensei, you created an all out argument between the room. I have never seen so many teachers yelling." "Mmmm...I knew I should have left in the jokes." He grinned, then slumped in his seat. "Though I really wish they didn't bring you into the equation, Rei. That was unfair of them." "It is...alright." she said, though was pink by this time. "It is not your fault. I should have dressed in my school attire so as not to be confused as your date." Kaoru groaned and sighed. Rei looked at him, returning to a more pale, regular colour. "Thank you for inviting me." He blinked, not really expecting her to say that in his frame of mind. "Miss Ayanami?" She nodded and smiled. "I enjoyed your speech." "Oh?" he smiled. "Then I suppose this evening wasn't a complete waste of time." She nodded. "It was nice to hear that your focus hasn't changed." "Pardon?" Kaoru blinked. "Before...when I came over to your home and ate soup." Rei explained. "You said that the reason you teach is because your students need to learn very important things very quickly, or they might not be able to have good lives." He nodded sadly. "Ahh, okay, I remember." "Today, you expounded upon that idea." Rei said. "I did not understand it all until now. That you know we will be hurt, and want us to be able to overcome it...not just survive." Kaoru blinked, then smiled it off. "Well, nothing so pessimistic, Rei...but yes, I suppose that would be the reason I teach." "Why do you think we will survive?" Rei asked, turning to him once again. Miyazaki thought for a moment. Finally, though, he turned to Rei as they stopped at a red light. "Because humans will survive. Life will always find a way to survive. Like Eva." He smiled at Rei's reaction. "You know that no matter what happens, Eva will survive. But, you can say the same about humans. Humans built Eva so they could survive, did they not?" Rei nodded. "But, surviving is not enough, Rei...what if Eva kills all the angels...but destroys Japan...or even the world in the process? Sure, there will be survivors, but what will life be like after it?" "It would be bad..." Rei agreed. "School teaches you how to survive...it teaches you how to get a job, how to calculate and deduce..." he shook his head. "But that is not as important as teaching you why you should live." He smiled softly in the darkened car. "Sometimes you have to know why you're fighting if you ever want to win." Rei nodded, though she still seemed a bit confused. "I will have to think about that." "Good." He said as they drove off. They were both silent for a long time as he drove. Finally, however, a small tune began between them. A note hummed here...then maybe a part of a thought. Finally, however, they both agreed on a song, and before the next red light, Rei and Kaoru were humming along with Beethoven's 9th Symphony: An ode to Joy. She smiled up at him as they stopped at the light. "Songs are a good reason to live." "I agree." He smiled back. That was right about the time that the doors opened up and they were pulled out of the car by large men dressed in black suits. To be continued.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Oy...I'm going to feel this tomorrow. However, I figured it was time I paid my dues. Yes, I, Strike Fiss, got off my lazy arse, picked up my sword, and finally hacked my way through a month worth of Writer's Block! So, before any of you complain to me, I want you to know that I have suffered MANY early...early...god-damn-too-fucking-early...mornings because of my efforts, and have learned my lessons wisely. -Kill Writer's Block on sight. C4 works fine. So does pointy things. -Do NOT let your Jolt supply run out. Ever. -Do NOT drink 2/3rds of a bottle of Jack Daniels in one sitting...it screws up your entire weekend. -NEVER EVER EVER TRUST ANY WEB-HOSTING SERVICE! (A new site mirror will be up. Sorry for the bitch-of-a-time of "TWU" shutting down.) -Don't let work come before Anime. (I'm up for a promotion, so I do apologize, yes, Meatspace is largely responsible for my delay) -Writers don't have vacations. Not even on New Years. ^_^ So, it is with a new Lesson of HL, and another early morning to make sure I DAMN well remember NEVER to do this again, that I present you with the new chapter...and...oh yes... OMAKE! ^_^ NO! WHAHAH! You drooling fools! No Omake here! Sorry, not yet anyway. However, there will be soon. (probably tomorrow...ie...next week) Go to the Evangelion section to check it out. www.studioshinnyo.com And so, this is Fiss signing off, reminding you all to stock up on sunblock and a surf board in 14 years. After all, the 3rd Impact is going to be quite a ride. :P e-mail: strikef@bigfoot.com homepage: http://www.studioshinnyo.com mirror 1: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9110 Strike Fiss, Studio Shinnyo 2001. Khattam-Shud, EOF