Neon Genesis Evangelion Higher Learning Strike Fiss, 2000 Thirty-First Lesson: Tadaima It was a wonderful feeling. He decide it was so. It had to be so, since he felt to desires. No hate, no pain and no wish to be elsewhere. At first, he wondered if the light around him was a pool of water. If he had slipped in the bath and hit his head. Perhaps, he was in NERV Headquarters. After a long day, he had decided to go to the Men's Lockers. Shinji had always been afraid to do so. The small, out of the way 'Boy's' locker room was always there. Closer to the routes he would take to and from Eva. He had only ventured into the Men's lockers once, by accident. People had always been there. A hundred older men who were always enjoying the public bath and laughing and chatting their cares away. He had never been comfortable with that. Nakedness. Sharing space with someone else while being so vulnerable. Be it in good nature or not, Shinji had never wished to become that naked...both emotionally or physically...with anyone before. Let alone dozens of guys who would probably just laugh at the 'little boy' trying to play with them in their domain. But...the one time he did accidentally peek inside, he had seen the Bath. A giant, swimming-pool like tub. It could have easily been one, except it was only deep enough to sit in the middle, up to your chin in the luxurious, hot water. On the sides, there were seats so you could relax even a small, Shinji-ish body up to your chest and lay against the side, letting your cares soak away. Just once, Shinji wished he could find a time when it would just be him. Just him in all that wonderful water. Let the steam boil his cares away, instead of the biting cold shower in his own locker room, or the tiny little tub back at the Katsuragi residence. Yes, he assumed he must be there now. His body felt warm. Tingling with sensation, and yet, relaxed like he felt nothing at all. The light film of water hugged his face in a line, and he watched the ceiling while suspended in the bath. "Feels like..." he whispered to himself, his voice echoing impossibly. "Feels like home." "Welcome home." Came the whisper. Something inside of it, though, seemed tired. Worn and ragged. He turned his head and saw an entirely new scene. The vague lights now transformed to the outside. A small park. A man and a woman with a baby carriage stood there, shadowed and protected by a massive camphor tree. While the tree easily shaded them both, it was probably only a third of it's potential size. The atmosphere smelled of a crispness that Shinji had never known to be in this unending Tokyo-3 Summer. Fall, he assumed. The tree seemed to be growing yellow around a few of it's leaves. Yes...it must have been Fall...before the Second Impact. The voice came again. What he assumed to be the female figure looked up at him with a shadowed face. "I don't like doing this..." she whispered to the other figure. "It seems so...evil...to be playing God like this..." "And yet," came the other voice...he seemed much older...wiser...yet soft spoken and tired. Not like Father. Like someone else. "And yet you say this is to replace God." He chuckled softly. "What else would you have us play? Demons?" "What scares me..." she said softly. "Is not if we will succeed or not...Eva must succeed." A long pause. "But will he know what to do with it?" Eva. Familiar words. Familiar feelings. Pain, but also warmth and something else... "Would anyone know what to do with it?" the male's voice asked. His shadow walked over to the woman, yet seemed to force itself to stay way. "What we plan is something mortal minds are not capable of. What we say is taken and twisted from words not our own." "But Eva is our future. It must be adopted as ours." She said, turning to the carriage. A baby boy's tiny arms reached out to his mother, enjoying her familiar smile. "Suppose, five billion years from now. The Earth, the Moon, and even this Sun will be gone." She shook her head. "Eva can survive, however. She can survive on the power of a Human Soul. It will be a lonely existence, but humanity will be remembered forever." A small laugh from the man. "Yui...but what of after this?" Yui...mother... "What human Soul would survive without others. What Soul would wish to be alone." "Would they really know the difference, Sensei?" Yui turned to the older man. "You know what the Old Men will do with this. But it will be pointless. You know what other men might do...and it will be the same." "But would we really know the difference, Yui?" he sighed. "What of these moments...things before this...things before Eva. Will they still exist? Or will we all just be a memory." Flash. Flash! FLASH! Walking. The sensation of walking washed over him. "Where are you going?" a voice asked. It took him a moment to realize it was his own. "I am leaving." He answered. "Where will you go?" "Away from Eva." Shinji said solidly. "Away from this pain." "What pain?" the voice asked. "You feel no pain here." "You can not say that." Shinji said, looking around the empty city blocks for the source of the voice. "Pain can be internal. Pain can be caused by external things. Even things that do not seem to cause pain." "When why do you run away from pleasure?" "Eva did not bring pleasure." Shinji said. "Eva brought only pain." Two of the most argumentative people in the city watched in silent agreement as Unit-01 was cleaned off. Toji had been hoping mad to hear what happened to Shinji. Some kind of bullshit story how he was 'stuck' inside Unit-01. The only thing that was keeping him in check was the fact he needed a crutch to walk at the moment. His leg, while the nerves had been intact, had suffered a backlash from his experience in his Eva, and his bones received a few delicate fractures due to the strain. Asuka had faired much better, though looked much worse. While she had only suffered a stray bruise and a cut to her cheek from the messy and hasty rescue attempt by NERV's emergency crews, her mind had pretty much stopped moving. It showed on her face as a kind of eerie calm that did not suit her in the slightest. "Where do you think he is?" Toji asked finally. He had been aching to ask that for the twentieth time that day, but Asuka looked like she wasn't in the mood to talk. He finally got tired of it, though, and risked conversation. Asuka looked up at Unit-01's face. The armor had been almost completely peeled off, and had to be completely removed as it was repaired elsewhere. White bandages the size of newspaper-press rolls had been slung over the 'skin' beneath. Unit-01's lipless mouth was frozen in a mocking smile. It's eyes were staring forward, unblinking, though they looked almost alive and active. "She has him." Asuka said finally. "What do you mean?" Toji blinked, not really expecting that...or any...response. She turned to Toji with a small, knowing smile. It scared him. "Eva has Shinji now." The redhead whispered. "He tried to leave, so Eva pulled him back, and won't let go." He watched, thoroughly spooked as a tear rolled down Asuka's cheek. "A...Asuka...it's not like that. He'll be fine." She shook her head, then turned back to the window, watching Ritsuko and Misato a few levels down, talking in front of the massive mummy- like head. "No. He's not going to be fine." She whispered sadly. "Eva won't want to let him go." Toji sighed, then turned, using his crutch to hobble off. "Just because Eva won't let go of you doesn't mean it's going to trap Shinji too." He looked back with a stern, proud glare. "And it's not going to get me. That's for damn sure." Class. It seemed too late for class, though. Shinji had rarely found reason to stay so long after class. The evening sun burned a red tint into the walls and desks, and he wondered why he was there for a while. A shadow was cast against the chalk board, and he recognized it to be too thin to be his father. Sensei Kaoru. Yes, it must have been. He was not as tiny or frail as the old Sensei either. "Why did you come back." He demanded in a voice that, all of a sudden, reminded Shinji way too much of his Father. "I am the Pilot of Unit-01." Shinji stated simply. "Why did you come back." Kaoru asked again, walking over to Shinji and sitting down next to him. "You did not have to come back. Why did you come back when you had no regrets about leaving?" "I have no regrets about coming back, either." Shinji said softly. "I made a decision of my own free will. I have no regrets." "But you also had no regrets about leaving." Kaoru said. "True." Shinji nodded. "Because I was not forced into leaving. I was not forced to leave, or stay. I chose." "Then why did you come back?" "Everyone will die if I do nothing." Shinji whispered. "I don't want that." "Why not?" Kaoru asked, his tone a bit more cynical. "All around you...pain. These people around you only serve you up to their own means. How do you know they don't plan your so-called free-will?" A pause. Shinji could only answer with: "I do not know. But what I do know is that I am happiest when I can chose." "What of the others? They cause you pain." Kaoru demanded. "Misato-san is my friend and guardian." Shinji said proudly. "She does not cause me pain on purpose." "Yet she does still cause you pain. She is only acting out of kindness because she is required to do to." "Toji-san and Kensuke-san are my friends." Shinji maintained. "They are my classmates and they do not cause me pain." "They are mates with you only out of desperation." Kaoru said. "The lonely veterans of a dying classroom." "Asuka-chan." Shinji said. "She cares for me, and I love her. She tells me only the truth, respecting my views and my abilities." "A silly crush." Kaoru maintained. "One that will die in time. One that will die and leave your heart broken." "Sensei...you mean much to me as well..." Shinji said. "You taught me I can think for myself and have a future. I can have a future." The shadow looked down at Shinji with a sinister glare. It's glasses shimmered red in the sun. "My job only. You have no future, Shinji Ikari. A hopeful lie." Shinji found himself strangely calm. "Yet, I have no regrets. Your lies and deception are my reasons. My truth." "Baka." The shadow grew. It grew in a flash, enveloping him and the class around him. All that was left was the cold plastic seat under him. "Then stay here. Stay here in your perfect world." The voice growled. "Stay and rot in this pool." Shinji's eyes widened. "I can't." "Why not, Shinji Ikari? You have nothing you need to run from here. You are in your own fool's paradise." Kaoru's voice said, enveloping him and coming down from all around. "What does it matter?" "You misunderstand!" Shinji yelled. "This is not what I want!" Voices. All of them this time. What do you want? FLASH! "I want to protect." Shinji whispered. The sensation of the wall crumbling beneath his fist washed over him. All of a sudden, he was back in Unit-01. It happened so fast. The dust hadn't even cleared. His rage instinctively found the Angel. The Angels. All of them. It lashed out...ripping into the Angel's barriers...dissolving them so he could kill them. Kill. Kill. Enemy. Kill the enemy. Destroy the enemy. Protect. "Mother..." Shinji whispered as he watched the images in his head replay. "Help me...help me fight..." "What are you protecting?" came her voice. "What are you protecting?" came Kaoru's voice. "What are you doing here?" came Father's. "I AM SHINJI IKARI!" Self. Fight. Kill. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Kill. Destroy. Crush. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Die. Die. Die! DIE! DIEE! DIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!! Curled up in the corner...his mind swirled around him. "Nobody cares...they should all... Die. Die. Just die. Leave me alone." And then...he saw Unit-02's head fall through the shelter. Eva. Eva called for him. Wanting him back. Please. Please come back. Fight with me, Shinji. Fight with me, Mother. Help me, Shinji. Help me, Mother. They can not win. I won't let you die. He can not win. Please help me protect her. Protect who? Asuka. Why? "I love you." FLASH! Shinji opened his eyes, blinded suddenly by the light, returning from the shadows that had been his view for what seemed like...minutes...hours...days.... A small boy, playing in the sand. A mother, smiling down at him as she watched. "Shinji...do you know what you're doing?" The boy echoed his thoughts...no...he was that boy. Just seemed older... "I do, Mother." Shinji whispered, looking up at her. "I love her." "Together, we will protect her." Yui whispered. "But I can not stay here." Shinji pleaded. The birds chirped off in the distance. "Outside, you will have pain." "Outside, I will have love." Shinji smiled softly up at his mother. "As well as here." A long sigh. "Then you have made up your mind?" she asked. "I have." Shinji nodded. "And I will help you when I can. I will not run away." She smiled. Then, nodded. "Will this be enough?" "It is my reason." Shinji nodded, reaching up with his arm suddenly gloved in a plug-suit. "It will be enough." "Even with the pain?" Shinji nodded. "Even with the pain." He sighed. "I would gladly risk it all to see her again." A soft smile. "To see them all." He amended after a moment. Water. Light. Not quite away. Not quite yet. Still waiting. Shinji Ikari lay in the bath, looking up at the ceiling. It was a familiar thing...though he had only seen it once before. Warm with the glow of steam. A soft hand lay on his shoulders. While he imagined he should have been startled by it, he was not. It felt familiar. Almost as Ayanami's hand did on the few times he had been near her. He was, however, very surprised to see another young man there, sitting next to him in the bath. He had strange, gray hair. Eyes like Ayanami's in their sharp, un-wavering red. Shinji blinked, watching the boy with a detached fascination. His mouth was moving...talking about something and motioning to the air around them. Shinji did not hear it, though. He did not hear the words, and yet, he knew them. And all of a sudden, he remembered. "Shinji." "Shinji-kun." "SHINJI-KUN!" "SHINJI!!!!!!" He gasped. LCL exploded from his mouth and nose as his body demanded the oxygen it needed. The icy cold feeling of metal and light washed over him. He tried. He held onto the truth and the memories as hard as he dared grasp onto them. He tried so hard. But as Misato wrapped her arms around his naked, wet skin, holding him and sobbing softly at his messy return to her...Shinji found the truth slipping away. It melted as the warmth returned to him. A moment later, he was only a smiling, unconscious boy in Misato's arms. Unit-01's eyes stared blankly out at the two. It's pilot now recovered from it's belly, for better or worse. To be continued.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to the author's notes! First of all, this is a Mindfuck episode, so I really can't give too much away. ^_^ It's supposed to be like this. Hehehe. But yes, the first scene with Yui was from End of Evangelion, where she and the Sub- Commander are discussing the true nature of Eva. As for how long Shinji was in Unit-01, it will stay true to the series, and we'll see in HL 32 the changes that happened over the month. Watch the movie if you want more. ^_^ Otherwise, you'll have to wait for Higher Learning 50. Hehaha! Ooh, by the way, I'M ON TIME! WhaHAHAH! Suck my butt! Now, this is important people...don't get me wrong...I do LOVE your support, and encouragement is wonderful when I've been having a bad day and a writer's block. However, you all must remember 3 things: 1.) Do NOT ask me to tell you how far I'm done on the upcoming Lesson. This is such a random thing. First of all, I never know how long it will take to finish a Lesson, I don't know how big it will be (usually), and I don't know when I will be finishing it compared to how far I am done on it already, or when I will start on it. If I DO tell you a time or date, it will 99% of the time be WRONG! I am an editor's worst nightmare. I work on my own spooky whims. Don't ask me for a schedule that I don't have. ^_^ 2.) Do NOT think that any kind of negative commendation about my missed Lessons or missed Posting Dates or general laziness will do anything to speed me up. If you say "Grr...how come Lesson 32 isn't up yet?!?? It's already TUESDAY!" I will say: "Because it's not done yet. Ha!" Forgive me, but quite frankly, I'm nobody's fanfic bitch. ^_^ This is a purely recreational thing for me, and I'm not about to sweat too much about it because someone's displeased with me. Not to mention, sadly, I DO have somewhat of a life, so I may be busy with things I did not plan on, and these things might be taking up time I had planned to write in. Such is life. :P 3.) Do NOT ask me what the next Lesson(s) is/are about. Not only am I having fun with keeping the core ideas in Higher Learning a secret, and plan to leave many of these secrets unanswered until the very end...or even leave them unanswered in true Eva style...but half the time, I don't even know what the next Lesson will be about! I write them as I go. ^_^ Sure, I have plans and designs, but that's just general. And even then, I've changed them many times since HL's beginning. Hang on and enjoy the ride. Omake! (for those who don't know...that means an extra bonus) ------------------------------------------------------- Misato: "I...I still can't believe he's been in there so long." Ritsuko: "Misato...you knew that this would be a very hard thing for him to recover from. He might be in there much longer." Misato: "But the Magi have all agreed that Shinji won't be in there much longer, right?" Ritsuko: "Yes, but even the Magi have been wrong from time to time. Especially involving matters like this. It's just too soon to tell..." Misato: "I should have never..." Ritsuko: "You know Shinji...he would have willingly done this, even without your encouragement. And now, because of his own foolish nature, he's been stuck in there for a month now!" Misato: "I feel horrible...what if the Magi were wrong and he's stuck in that place FOREVER?!?!" Ritsuko: "Well, he'll either be okay soon...or dead. His soul will be lost to the horrors of..." Ritsuko: "Your cooking." Shinji: "Misato-san...forgive me...but I'm never eating your re-fried bean-salad again." Ritsuko: "Well, at least he didn't get swallowed up by Unit- 01 like last month." End! ------------------------------------------- e-mail: strikef@bigfoot.com homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9110 Strike Fiss, Ninja Crowbotics 2000. Khattam-Shud, EOF.