Neon Genesis Evangelion Higher Learning Strike Fiss, 2000 Ninth Lesson: Cram School Asuka listened in horror as Misato and Ritsuko organized the UN troops around the Angel, hoping to put some kind of pressure on it to release Shinji. Her only companion was Rei, who watched the whole situation with her usual, unnerving cool stare. Rei could see right through her. This was one of the things that she had learned from Sensei Kaoru. In order to protect herself, Asuka lashed out in any way she could. It was that thought, and only that thought, that kept Rei from slapping her across the face as she had laughed at Shinji's misjudgments in the battle. After all, she mused...even I have my limits. "What a dummkopf." Asuka laughed nervously. Rei walked right up to her on the deck of the NERV mobile HQ platform. Her eyes narrowed slightly, yet never passing into an angry stare. "What?" Asuka demanded. "Are my comments about Shinji pissing you off?" "Do you pilot Evangelion just for the praise of others?" Rei asked softly. "NO!" she growled. "I don't need ANYBODY'S approval but my OWN!" "CUT IT OUT!" Misato demanded. "BOTH of you!" Asuka's eyes flickered, threatening to shed tears. Had she not been under the gaze of Ayanami she would not have been able to hold them back. "Yes." The Major whispered. "He defied my orders. He acted too quickly." She glared out over the city of Tokyo 3. "So, I'll have to punish him when he comes back." Both remaining Pilots were silent. She turned to them with sad eyes. "Asuka. Rei. We're still setting up the operation. So long as you keep your cell phones, you're welcome to get back to the city for a few hours sleep." "But...what if Shinji ne..." "He's not coming out yet." Misato interrupted Asuka. "The Angel has what it wanted, and it's not giving it up without a fight." She looked like the one who needed sleep. "Until we know how to do that, I'd feel better knowing you two are as far away from this thing as possible." Rei bowed her head. "Hai." She turned to Asuka. "I will be at the pool." Asuka gasped. "You...y..." she watched as Rei turned and left for the change rooms. Misato turned to Asuka. "I can make it an order." Her hands were trembling. "But...!" "It's an order." She said in the strongest voice she could muster. "Keep close by. You have eight hours at least. Try to rest. Everything will be fine." The redheaded young woman stormed past Misato, not meeting her glare. Mach es dir selber!!!" she screamed, storming down the ramp. Misato watched her leave, then wiped her cheek free of tears. "I hate this job." Cold, blue green light bathed Shinji's eyes when they finally opened again. Like Misato was arguing on the outside, sleep seemed to be the best plan at the moment. "I never thought sleeping could be this exhausting..." he whispered into the LCL. Clutching the control handle of his pilot's seat, Shinji watched as the plug's walls flickered into a rainbow of colors, then the various static patterns and nerve interface designs as it began to sync with his mind, showing him the outside world. Unfortunately, the outside world was still just a wall of white. Though the shadow had been black, it was such a strange phenomenon that the scanners outside couldn't even pick up the lack of light. The walls of the plug faded back to blue white steel as Shinji switched the Evangelion back to minimal power mode. So long as he stayed calm, another four or five hours would tick away before he died. A tiny, orange digital clock on his left plug-suit glove was a constant reminder of his mortality. "My life will end in four or five hours." He whispered, leaning back in his seat. The smell and taste of blood was the only sensation his body registered. That, and his stomach. "I'm hungry." Slowly, he drifted off, hoping that if he was to die, it would be in his sleep. Kaoru walked over to the door, puzzled. Not many people knew his address in the first place. Those who did were probably in shelters by now. Or... Even though he hadn't been expecting it, somehow, Kaoru wasn't completely shocked when Asuka Langley looked up at him from the other side of his front door. "Asuka-chan?" he gasped. She was shaking. Actually shaking. Her hair still smelled of LCL, even though she had thrown on pants and a shirt before coming over. "M...may I come in?" she whispered. He nodded, leading her to the living room. "Sit down. I'll get you some tea." She nodded weakly, leaning over on the soft sofa. Her back was ridged and she looked almost like she was going to throw up. Kaoru finished making a simple herbal tea that would hopefully calm her down enough so she could relax. He had no idea what she was going through. The look on her face made him worried. Returning only moments later with a tray, he set it down in front of her and poured her a cup. "Please, drink." He said. "It will calm you down." Asuka did as she was told, though her hand was shaking so badly he had to help steady it with his own. "Domo..." she whispered, looking vacantly in front of herself. "I..." he poured her another half cup. "I thought you would be in EVA- 02?" She laughed softly. "No...not yet." Her normally defiant voice was struggling not to crack. "The...Angel isn't like the others." She whispered. "There's no way to fight it." "Rei? Shinji?" "Shinji..." she whispered softly. "Shinji's inside it..." He nodded slowly. "Baka..." a tear escaped her eye, rolling down her cheek and onto her chin. "I shouldn't have pushed him..." Kaoru sat quietly. His heart ached to see her like this, but he could say nothing. Do even less. "I...am sorry..." To his surprise, she broke out with a long sob and fell against his shoulder, grabbing on tight. He couldn't move, completely stunned by the action. She cried. She was crying. Honest, truthful tears. They were the most heart-breaking thing he had ever heard in his life. "He left me!" she cried into his shirt. "He left me! Everyone leaves me..." she sobbed, barely able to form words as the emotions took over. Everything she had bottled up for so long came rushing out in those tears, threatening to overwhelm her. "Mama...Kaji...Shinji..." she cried. "Everyone..." Kaoru gently wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "Asuka...please...it's all right. Everything will be fine..." She shook her head. "NO! IT WILL NEVER BE ALL RIGHT!" she screamed, looking him directly in the eyes. "Everyone I know leaves me!!" her fists were balled up and buried in his shirt. "Even you..." He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I could never." "Yes you will..." she sobbed. Her eyes were puffy from her tears, but looked to be calming down. "At the end of the year, you'll move on to another school. Nobody will remember you. Nobody will remember Shinji..." her voice was barely a whisper. "Nobody will remember me..." They sat like that for a long time. Arms wrapped around each other. Asuka sobbing into his shoulder with weaker and weaker breath until she finally stopped crying. Kaoru wondered if it was the tea, or her running out of tears to shed. "Asuka..." he said softly. "I will always remember you." Her eyes closed gently as she drifted towards sleep. "Please..." she whispered. "Let me stay here..." "Hai..." he replied, gently holding her. An unnoticed tear fell off his face and onto her shoulder. It had been hours since Shinji's last cries for help. With life support power dripping away with each breath, system after system in the plug had been forced to slow and stop. Already, the LCL- cleaners were off, and the horrible smell of blood had risen ten-fold. Murky debris hovered in the water with him, un-cleansed from the liquids so long as the power continued to drop. His frantic attempt to open the plug was stopped by the fact that it was still sealed inside of the Evangelion's armor and body. That had been almost an hour ago. An hour since he had begged for help. Asuka. Rei. Misato. Ritsuko. Father. "F...father..." Nobody came. So, it was somewhat of a shock when he heard another voice. It wasn't so much of another voice, rather the feeling that one was dreaming, and could still hear the voices from their dreams though they were on the verge of waking up. "Who's that?" he asked quietly, hoping not to break the spell. "Who?" "Ikari Shinji." A voice answered. "That's me!" Shinji replied. His mind seemed to close down on itself. The only things in existence were his two voices. "I am you. This self incorporates another self." The voice continued. "The self has always been composed of two selves." "Two?" "Yes. The self which is observed and the self which observes itself. To expound: the Shinji Ikari that exists in your mind is only one Shinji Ikari." Shinji blinked, and his world seemed replaced by red light. He was looking at a window somewhere. Someone's head was blocking the light, though. "There's also the Shinji Ikari in Misato Katsuragi's mind...the Shinji Ikari in Asuka Sohryu's mind...the Shinji Ikari in Rei Ayanami's mind...and the Shinji Ikari in Gendo Ikari's mind...are all different Shinji Ikari's." his own voice continued. "But each of them is a separate Shinji Ikari." Shinji listened intently. "What you fear are the Shinji Ikari's who exist in the minds of others." "I'm just afraid of being hated..." Shinji told himself quietly. "You're afraid of being hurt." Countered the voice. There was a long pause. "Are you the Shinji Ikari in my own mind?" Another long pause. "You sound like my new Sensei." Shinji explained to himself. An image of Kaoru appeared in his mind, replacing the red sunlight around him. "Very good, Shinji." He smiled warmly. "You'll be teaching yourself in no time at all!" "Sorry..." Shinji replied. "I...didn't mean to..." Asuka was now in the scene. "You're always apologizing! Do you always think you're the one at fault?" Shinji turned to her and shook his head. "But, if everyone has a Shinji Ikari in their minds, that's my fault." He sighed. "I don't want to hurt anyone else, because then I get hurt too." Rei was now standing next to him. "That is unavoidable. Pain is the other side of Happiness. We learn to accept the pain and enjoy the happiness." "But how can I learn?" Shinji begged. "It's all happening so fast!" Asuka was there again, leaning towards him as he was on his back, looking at her with a haze of light in his mind. "Was this happening too fast?" she asked softly. "Do you regret events in your life if they happen too fast?" He shook his head. "No...I did not regret that..." Instead of a kiss, he was met with a punch. Toji and Kensuke stood over him, like the first day the class had found out he was the pilot of EVA-01. Toji was rubbing his fist and glaring down at him. "Then you regret the pain coming too fast!" "Yes." Shinji mumbled, rubbing his face. "I do not want pain to come at all." "Good work...Shinji..." his father said quietly as he walked away. Shinji gasped as he relived those words. Those precious words. "But you enjoy the happiness that comes after pain." Rei said softly, placing a warm, human hand on his shoulder. "Don't you trust your father?" she asked on the escalator. Then, a slap came. Rei was at his side again. "And yet, when you hide from pain, pain comes anyway. And sometimes faster." Shinji nodded weakly. "Yes. It does." Kaoru looked at him from his desk. The class around them was empty. "Then why do you run away, Shinji?" He sat there like Gendo, with his glasses glinting in the afternoon light. "I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away!!" he heard himself saying...but was not saying it himself. "You know what you need to do, but you fail to do it." Kaoru explained. "The Shinji Ikari's in other people's minds will exist for a long time without you." Asuka again. She was smiling at him from her bed as he set the tray of food down next to her. "Others will miss the Shinji Ikari in their minds. They have grown to like his presence." Misato set down a beer across from Shinji as she smiled. "They have learned to care for him. If you run away, you will bring pain to their minds as well." "But I AM NOT HAPPY!" Shinji yelled out, causing all the images to go black. Nothing. "Wait..." he gasped. "No...I didn't mean that..." "Did you?" Kaoru said suddenly, spinning Shinji around by the shoulders. "When are you Happy, Shinji Ikari?" He thought for a moment, all the while, Kaoru stared at him through his glasses. "I...am happy when I..." Shinji swallowed hard. "When others are happy." Gendo was now sitting across from him. His hands were on his shoulders like Kaoru's had been. "Then why do you run from others? Why do you run from happiness?" Asuka tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around to see her and Kaji looking at him with curious eyes. "Do you enjoy Pain that much?" "No!" Shinji cried. "I hate pain! I hate causing it!" "But surviving pain brings forth happiness." Kaji said quietly, rubbing his chin. "Is it not, therefore, acceptable to assume that you should not fear the pain? That...once it is over...you will be happy?" Again, with Asuka. She was in his arms as he walked them to her room. "You find happiness in others. You enjoy finding out you are not hated." She whispered into his ear. "You find happiness when the Shinji Ikari in Asuka Sohryu's mind is accepted." "You find happiness when the Shinji Ikari in Rei Ayanami's mind is accepted." Rei smiled up at him from her plug-seat, just after the battle with the Fifth Angel. "You find happiness when she finds happiness." Again, everything went black. A spotlight seemed to shine on Shinji. The first voice came again. Shinji's eyes were wide. "There is still one other who wishes to accept you, Shinji Ikari." Blank. Shinji. Blank. Kaoru appeared besides him, replacing Gendo at his mother's grave. The wind was stark...howling like a demon. "If you had run away, you would have found new pain." He continued. "Pain does not run away. It is always with you." He smiled slightly. "Happiness is not so easy. You must work for it." The red light came again. He watched out the window as the clouds and sun rolled by. "You can not spend you life enjoying these few pleasant memories." Kaoru was now sitting across from him. "In time, they will bring a new pain. You will see you could have had many more." "I don't care." Shinji whispered. "You can have more." "I don't care." "You will have more." "I will not..." Asuka was leaning her head against his shoulder. "The Asuka Langley in your mind does not want you to give up and run away." Rei was standing in front of him, smiling softly in her special, rare way. "The Rei Ayanami in your mind does not want you to give up and run away." Misato gently rubbed him on the head, ruffling his hair. "The Misato Katsuragi in your mind does not want you to give up and run away." They all disappeared, leaving only Kaoru. "The Shinji Ikari in Shinji Ikari's mind does not want him to give up and run away." Now, there was only black. Asuka Langley felt the slight vibration in her side and woke suddenly. A quiet beeping was coming from her pants pocket. Her Cellular. Not quite remembering where she was, she ignored the arms around her and opened it. "Hai...?" she whispered. "Asuka." Misato's voice seemed tired and sad. "W...we're ready to try something. It might get EVA-01 out of the Angel, but we need both of you to help with your AT fields." She nodded with a yawn. "I'll be there in ten minutes. How long does Shinji have?" "Less than an hour." Misato replied. "I'll be there." She said, closing her cell. That's when she remembered where she was. Curled up on the chest of Kaoru Miyazaki as he slept soundly. A soft smile crossed her lips. "Thank you..." she leaned over and kissed him softly. His eyes jutted open and he blinked as Asuka stood up. "Asuka??" She smiled. "Thank you, Kaoru-kun..." He sat up and looked around sleepily. "Oh...oh yeah...no problem." He yawned. Asuka grinned to herself, tempted to go in for another kiss, but... Kaoru saw the look on her face. Something familiar about that look. Suddenly...she leaned into him again and kissed him on the lips. Kaoru was terrified. He had no idea what to do. There was a soft, wet sound as they parted, and Asuka suddenly looked terrified. Her hand came up to her mouth, covering it. Kaoru just sat there, his glasses actually fell off his face. Asuka turned and ran for the door. "Gomen..." she whispered, opening it and running outside. Kaoru blinked...frozen in place. Asuka ran. She ran faster than she had ever done so in her life. She couldn't cry...she had cried enough already. When she finally did stop running, she found herself in the halls of NERV mobile HQ, rushing to the change room. Ayanami was already changed, and so was not there when Asuka locked the door behind herself. Completely out of breath, she collapsed against one of the empty lockers with a quiet bang. Her hand still touched her lips. "No..." she whispered. "This can't be..." There was a long silence as she lay down on the cold floor, feeling her racing heart. "Am I unwanted?" Shinji asked himself. His mind was showing the image of his father walking away. A personal nightmare he would often bare witness to. "Mother...was smiling?" he gasped as he remembered the accusations. Father bore them all. He was called a killer. A murderer. How his mother disappeared. How it was all so coincidental. How she had been used like a guinea pig in an experiment they knew nothing about. Still, his mother had been smiling that day. Smiling at Shinji as he waved back through the thick, protective glass. Smiling as she entered what he know knew to be an Entry Plug. "Father...he left me..." Shinji cried...but then stopped. "To protect me?" Misato was standing in the doorway, wearing only towels from her shower. "You did a very brave thing today..." Gendo again. "Shinji...you must NOT run away." Was there regret in that voice? At first, only cold. Only death. "Wake Rei." A long pause as the communication channel switched. "Rei?" "Hai?" came her voice. So soft it could have been a whisper. "You will do it again, Rei." Gendo said. A long pause. "Hai." Rei replied, cutting the connection. He had left. He had left him. Left Shinji to join this universe of Pain. He had chose not to take him with him. Not unless it was completely necessary. "A spare has just been delivered." Gendo mocked. Kaoru was there now. "He does not now how to live, Shinji Ikari. He does not understand the Shinji Ikari in his mind." "Just as I do not." Shinji whispered. Black. "I hate this place..." he whispered. "I am alone." Back in the LCL. It was cold. His eyes could barely operate in the low light. "The heating and the oxygen circulation are already out." He whispered. "I'm cold. And this useless suit is giving out too..." Even the tiny LCD display on his left hand was out. The suit had cannibalized it's last morsel of battery power in a futile attempt to keep it's host warm. Gently curled up in the Entry Plug, Shinji looked like a fetus inside a womb. Cold. Alone. Dying. Slowly dying. The LCL would probably start degenerating soon. He would pass out, then die a few minutes later. At least there would be no pain. "This is the end..." he whispered, eyes closed. "I'm tired. Tired of...everything." Nothing. Then, a light. Shinji could feel a touch on his cheek. Warm. Like when Asuka had touched him like that...but this was not Asuka. This was... His eyes opened as he felt himself falling, but gently held by someone. "Mother??" Asuka could still taste the kiss on her lips as EVA-02 stood at the edge of the shadow, looking down into it. She forced herself to focus, though. Now was not the time to sort out feelings of the heart. Not when there was a chance Shinji was still alive. "Evas are in position and standing by." She said into the intercom. This plan was anything but. It was just like their initial attack strategy. "God I hope this works...Plan Two" Flying overhead were literally hundreds of UN bombers, each carrying one or more N2 mines that would be dropped at the exact same time into the Angel. The resulting explosion would be large enough to make certain nothing on Japan's island would survive if something went wrong. The two Evas, who were standing right on the edge, would survive...as was the hope of Shinji's Unit-01. However, the pilot might already be dead. Still, Ritsuko had been determined to pull this plan through. If everything worked, the Angel MIGHT be destroyed. IF everything worked. If AT Fields and N2 bombs were focused just right. That was a lot of 'ifs'. Misato hadn't been able to come up with anything better, though, and it looked to be the only option. "You're not leaving me, Shinji Ikari." Asuka whispered into the LCL around her. "If I have to, I'll jump in there and get you out myself." "T-Minus 60 seconds." Ritsuko's voice cut through her thoughts. Asuka closed her eyes. "Fight, damn you..." she said. "Don't run away, baka...you still owe me a drink on my birthday." The thundering of the bombers engines overhead was suddenly shattered by another thundering. A horrible, bone-shattering sound. Wet and sticky as it ripped through the air. Collectively, everyone looked down at the shadow, shocked to see the black, perfect circle begin to shudder and crack like an egg. Paths of red began to ooze out of it's wounds as chunks began to slide up and down in front of Unit-02's feet. "What's going on?!" Asuka asked quickly, concern evident on her brow despite her best attempts to stay calm. She head the com traffic pick up from HQ. "Is it Shinji?" Misato asked hopeful. "Impossible!" Ritsuko replied. "Unit-01's power level has to be at zero by now!" Asuka knew, though. Even before the massive fist punched it's way through the side of the sphere up in the sky. It's colors flickered off, turning completely black as it's side began to bulge. SPLAT! Everyone watched with wide eyes as blood began to pour out from the Angel's wound. Inside, two glowing white eyes peered out into the air. A mighty roar sounded and the Evangelion Test Type's head ripped through the opening in some gory parody of a childbirth. It seemed to howl like a wolf, then stand suddenly. Angel flesh was ripped apart under the stress, and the upper half of the sphere was now destroyed, falling to earth in a shower of red and solid black skin. Asuka watched as EVA-01 growled up at the moon like the monster it truly was. Her eyes refused to close. Shinji was alright...he had to be alright...but...at the same time... "I...am I piloting a thing like that?" she asked herself, suddenly feeling very cold. The ground erupted from blood and the Evangelion landed in a crouch, standing back to it's full height. Ritsuko watched in horror as the Evangelion stood over the glorious destruction it had caused. "My God...what kind of monster have we copied from?" she whispered. Misato turned with narrowed eyes, glaring at her. EVA-01 glared out over the city of Tokyo 3 with glowing eyes. It's armor was no longer purple and green. It was blood. Soaking wet with blood. When the Entry Plug was opened, Shinji could hear his name being called. "Misato-chan?" he wondered. "What's she doing inside my head?" "SHINJI!" she ripped open the hatch, not believing her eyes as he sat there, looking up at her like he had just gone to sleep and woke up. "Shinji?! Are you alright!?!" she asked, crying in fear he might not be okay. He blinked under the sudden light, and Misato took that to be a 'yes'. She collapsed on top of him, crying. "I..." Shinji whispered. "just wanted to see everyone again." He smiled slightly. "You make me happy." Misato sobbed against him, thanking the heavens. She had been awake for over thirty hours at that point. Over half of them had been the closest to hell she had experienced in a long time. Asuka was outside the plug. Her eyes half lowered as she watched Misato cry over her Shinji. "Didn't you say you were going to PUNISH him?" Shinji looked up and found her gaze. She smiled softly, though her eyes betrayed much more than just a smile. To be continued... ------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh god how I have missed mind-fuck scenes. ^_^ I mean, seriously. Have any of you just sat there and stared as you watched episode 26 and at the very end of it all you just go. "Hehe...cool...". And this is just the beginning. Hehe. It's official. I will go all the way up to End of Eva now. I've watched it too many times to just leave it at Ep 26, and "Congratulations!" Don't get me wrong...it was one of the most touching endings to a series (and highly underrated) I know...but End of Eva is the End...and must be addressed. However, next Lesson, we also get to see some parts that have been so far left out. Stay tuned for Higher Learning, the Tenth Lesson! And, a special treat to those hard-core Eva fans who have read the "2015" book. e-mail: strikef@bigfoot.com website: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9110 Strike Fiss, Ninja Crowbotics 2000. Khattam-Shud, EOF.