Shin Seiki Evangelion - Kimatsushiken Neon Genesis Evangelion - Final Exam the end of higher learning strike fiss part 1 of 6 Lesson 46: [Far into my career as a High School student, I learned that while several things had changed from earlier days, the teachers always were up early. No matter how much a student complained, and no matter how pathetic they looked from lack of sleep, lack of consciousness, and lack of coherent thought...teachers had no sympathy, for they woke up 3 hours earlier. Hence: Don't be late for school. No matter how warm your bed is.] *** He never dreamt anymore. Of course, that was a lie, but he liked to tell himself that. Dreams were not for a foolish old man. Dreams had lifted him up to this level of participation and trouble already. If anything, they were a temptation he desired little, in fear of everything becoming worse. He remembered clearly the moment he became a person forever banished from dreams. From humanity. The moment he found himself leaning over a hunched form of the Commander, watching the monitor as the Beast charged at it's first victim. "We've won." He said coldly. He knew the Commander would agree. A pleased, affirming grunt came from the man as he watched behind his invincible, untouchable shield of glass. He remembered going home that night...after the battle with the Third Angel. The streets seemed so different. While his home was far away from the destruction, there was this uneasy calm in the air. The world...the city...was waiting to see what would happen next. That night was the last time he dreamt. It was the last time he allowed himself to dream. Dreams were not for a foolish old man who had committed himself to this cause like a robot. Robots didn't dream. Though... Secretly, he wondered if the Evas did. Did they dream as lonely souls? Of their amazing emptiness? Or did they dream of the times their pilots eased inside their bodies and minds, like some fond memory of lovemaking? Did they dream of destruction and chaos? The pain and fear and anger? Did they dream of bathing the streets with blood? Sometimes, he would allow himself to believe that their dreams, if any at all, would be of love. The gentle, yet solid connection they had with their pilots. With the world they were helping protect. The joy of becoming alive night after night. Reaching out to touch the world. That the destruction they caused was, to them, the sweet ballet of a heady romance, brought to it's sexual level. Of course, he knew that was foolish, and the only reason he believed in that was because of Yui. Yui. He thought of her name. Damn...why did he have to do that? Now...now it was all over. He found himself staring up at the blank white ceiling, remembering his dream. The same one he dreamt so very long ago. The sense of deja-vu was overwhelming. Fuyutsuki treasured it. He remembered the night so clearly. What he sometimes chastised himself over and over again for...sometimes...he treasured with all his heart and soul. Fuyutsuki dared not think of it often. Not around Gendo. It would just be another tool he could use against him. "You're not much different when you're drinking, Sensei." She had laughed, smiling that wonderful smile at him. It was always that smile that brought him back to this dream. The hope he could see it again. He had been cleverly asked to join the students for the night at the bar. It was just after a big mid-term, and he now saw their logic...he would be too hung over to grade the papers over the remainder of the weekend, and would probably end up giving them all passing grades. The old man wasn't so old at the time...but he still promised himself a limit of two beers at the bar. For his health, he reasoned. Of course, he justified drinking more when Yoshi, one of his students, invited everyone over for a house-party. Yui was invited as well. Refusing the offer was not possible. As is the way of such things, however, the party seemed to go on without him. He found himself admiring the pictures on the wall, or taking tiny strolls out into the garden of the household. It was very nice, even for pre-Second Impact standards. Large, modern, but with a wonderfully lush and well-tended garden out back. He had just finished off his forth little sake-bottle when he found walking became too hard to attempt. A friendly, empty wooden bench beckoned him closer and he sat down, trying not to look drunk. Yui had stayed hidden from his sight until then. He didn't mind, however...when she finally did come by, it made the waiting worth it. "Fuyutsuki-Sensei! Why are you all alone out here? You should join the party!" She sat down next to him...a playful girl compared to the stark, stiff old man. At first, his only concern was not to seem too drunk and make an ass out of himself...but that slowly melted away when he saw the way she looked at him. Such admiration and...awe? No, he was too modest to admit that. Whatever it was, though... It felt nice. It felt wonderful to have this amazing woman hang on his every word...his thoughts...his dreams... "Yui, I'm afraid that when you get as old as I am, it's hard to simply blend in with the younger crowd." He said sadly, but was mostly joking to himself. It was true, but he didn't mind saying it out loud. Age was a respectable thing. ...it also was quite an obstacle. Looking the younger woman over, it was all too apparent. The warm weather had given her the inclination to wear a sundress that day. The night was warm, he thanked god for that, and she had not needed to change into anything else. It was light purple...flower pattern...cut just low enough to show that she was indeed a young woman, and the skirt came low enough as well, to show she was not simply another young, dumb sophomore. Her hair was short, as it had always been. But a part was clipped back with a silver band, and the summer sun had tinted it a softer, light honey along the edges of the darker brown. It denied the quick, sly glance, demanding he focus on her, memorizing her face, her hair, her body...all of her. She was not just a snapshot to be taken. He found that he was wishing to be 15 years younger quite often now. When she noticed him staring, she blushed slightly, but had the same wonderful smile on her lips. "Kozo-kun..." she said softly... That was the first time she said that. The only time... "You're not that old..." she continued after a heartbeat that felt impossibly delicious to him. It said: See? You're alive! For this reason! Maybe it was the sake...or the beers before that...but it was most probably the fact she did not shrink away from his gaze that gave him courage. He smiled, and turned to the house, looking solid and sure, trying to be as nonchalant about it as he could. "I was once in their shoes, Yui. I'm honoured they respect me enough to invite me here, tonight...but I am not the same anymore." He turned back to her. "I would rather spend the night being intoxicated while looking at the heavens, not dancing around to pop music." Oooh...smooth, O'Sensei. Very smooth. The 'heavens' reference was not lost to the also slightly drunk Yui. He didn't have to even give a reference. He was viewing her like the most dedicated stargazer would an eclipse or comet. She blushed deeper...but did not shy away. "I take it back, Sensei..." she leaned back against the seat with him. The warmth of her arm pressing against his was foremost on his mind. "You are different when you're drunk." She turned to him. "But in a very good way." He bowed his head slightly...more than he meant to, but the alcohol made it difficult to limit his reactions...and his thoughts. "Ikari-chan, you honour me with those words." He smiled. "I thank you." The silence was marked by both of them taking sips out of their respective ales. They spent the night watching the stars. He still remembered each and every one of them...memorizing the sky that night as if it was the only way he could prove the night was real. That she existed to him like that. Scientific proof that he wasn't dreaming... After the Second Impact, the stars had changed. This had saddened him like nothing else. He remembered looking down after the casual conversation had slowed... shocked...to find a tear rolling down Yui's face. He said nothing...he didn't have to. Yui looked away for a moment...the dozen or so loose strands of her hair shielding her eyes. Finally, however, she stood, then turned to him. "Thank you for the wonderful night, Fuyutsuki-kun..." she whispered. "I enjoyed watching the heavens much better, too." A nod and a smile was all he could offer...not daring to say anything that would betray his heart. And...then...before she turned away... Yui leaned down and kissed him. Slowly. On the lips. It was soft. Warm. He remembered the contrast of her cold, salty tears, but her warm lips touching his own. The dream would pause there. A fact he was eternally grateful for. "After" that kiss simply did not exist. It didn't have to. At least not right then and there. Time would catch up to them eventually, and she would leave, but for now... A kiss warmed his heart as he settled back into his covers for a final two or three hours of sleep. He didn't pay any attention to the foggy glow of a distant sunrise outside his bedroom window. Maybe he would dream of it again. It felt the same as the first time. The first morning after. Shinji held Asuka with the warm, winter quilt over them to save themselves the cool morning air. The balcony had been abandoned by the others far into the night, and Asuka and Shinji had decided to spend the remainder of the night together out there. He didn't know if he was grateful, or saddened that they had migrated out here. The first time, it had been to escape the stuffiness. To enjoy the fresh, new air after they had explored the first step of their new life together. It signified the end of something bad, and hopefully, the beginning of something better. Would it just be a nightly illusion? Shinji was still trying to wrap his mind and emotions around the situation, but he knew he didn't want their lovemaking to mean a temporary escape every time. It wasn't supposed to be like that. "I don't want to go into work today." Asuka whispered. "Neither." Shinji agreed quietly. She looked up at him, resting against his chest. "It reminds me how worthless I am." She sighed and nuzzled against his skin. "You remind me how special I am. I like that much better." "Me too." He smiled softly and squeezed her reassuringly. "I like it a lot better myself." To himself, however, Shinji couldn't help but feel his heart sink to see her like this. She had been so fiery. Bold. Demanding, but passionate. Not like this... And she knew it too. She wanted to come back more than anything. Fight once more. Right now, however, she didn't have the strength. Strength would return. Shinji promised himself this...making it true again in his mind. Asuka would be better. Once she found her calling again. Once they had a chance to recover. If he could just figure out what to do to help her. Everything seemed to be one step forward, two steps back with them. It would be nice to look at it all as bittersweet memories years from now. "You're smiling." Asuka said suddenly, noticing his internal mood lifting. She smiled a bit too. "What are you thinking about?" "Better times." He said, looking out over the skyline. "A bright, wonderful future that we get to share in." he laughed. "Just cheesy things like that." She blushed and hugged him. "I like cheesy things." "You're hungry too?" Their combined gurgling stomachs betrayed them. She yawned and slowly got up off of him, then pulled Shinji to his feet, still wrapped in the blanket with him. "Yes. And I feel like I could stand for a little real food for once. How about you?" Shinji bowed his head, then smiled back. "Well, they do say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. We may as well start it off right..." he paused. Asuka looked at him carefully, wondering what was on his mind. Shinji seemed to be watching outside, over the balcony, lost in thought. Maybe looking at something. "What is it?" she whispered, recapturing his attention in her eyes. He shook his head and leaned into her for an embrace. "Nothing. Just tired." He sighed, then smiled. "Come on...I'll teach you how to make miso soup." Asuka smirked. "Oh my! The mighty Shinji-Sama is going to teach me how to cook? I think you've been hanging around the Sensei too much if you're willing to teach a baka like me." She smiled playfully. She was a bit caught off guard by the look he gave her. It was firm, but friendly. Fatherly, almost, but not in the way she ever remembered from her father. "I don't mind teaching you, Asuka-chan..." he said softly. Pen-Pen watched for a moment with concern for the two, then waddled out on the balcony, to watch the sky. "Waugh." The lonely monoliths gathered once more. Echoing with a "THRUM!" as they appeared in sequence, the only real light in the room came from the soft red glow from their status read-outs. Proudly, like badges of secrecy, they all proclaimed that there would be Sound, but nothing else besides their numbers. It was they way these men worked. They way they preferred to run things. They liked secrets and the cold joy of a cloak and dagger. Like old men who believed themselves to be in Never-Land, they refused to realize they were too old for these games. The one known as Keel, yet respectively known as SEELE 1 under this foolish game's rules, spoke first. Today was an important day, after all. "We are here to discuss the findings of our NERV inquest. The data has been let known to all members, and I trust that this council can come to an immediate decision." There was a loud chorus of agreement. Number 2 spoke. "Discrepancies in Ikari's data leads us to believe he has accelerated his own plans. Due to our...inability...to gather correct data about the Angel Attacks in question, and our further loss of contact with the Magi supercomputers, it seems that our earlier suspicions are correct." Number 8: "He has help. This was not foreseen, nor was it planned for." A slight pause, before which, more agreeing noises. Number 1 once more took the stage. "Because of these unknowns, it is apparent that we must force the Instrumentality project with our own hands. Ikari may have helped to engineer it, but he knows that the options for stopping it are few." "If we force it now, we will overrule any plans made to stop it." Number 8 said. "Delay can only give NERV time to prepare further." A long pause. Had the monoliths the ability to turn, they would have all swivelled to face SEELE 1. "Commence the attack. I will pull our strings with the JSDF." He said, answered by a resounding array of approval. "We will delay them until the Eva Series can be transported into the site. Make the preparations for the final sequence." "Finally!" came one reply. "Ascension will be ours!" shouted another. Behind the monolith, the half-mechanical form of Chairman Keel smiled. "I want NERV burnt to the ground by dusk. Nothing shall stop our rightful entrance into Heaven." "So be it." They all echoed. "A rain of holy fire will descend!" And with that, the secret meeting of the most spoiled little kids on earth was over. For now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of Lesson 46 strikef@bigfoot.com www.studioshinnyo.com www.Geocities.com/Tokyo/9110 Strike Fiss, Studio Shinnyo 2002. Khattam-Shud, EOF.