| A Start
by: Prinsesa I wake up to the sight of sunlight casting luminous shapes through my window. Yet even that welcome scene failed to give me the comfort and cheer it usually manages to provide. Today is a day not unlike any other, yet today I the beginning of the rest of my life. Today is the first day that he is gone. I do not need to be reminded, nor will it make a difference if I am. The thought is constantly on my mind, like an unwanted rock creating ripples on an otherwise undisturbed lake. It is a disturbance, yes. A disturbance that upsets me and destroys my equilibrium, leaving my feelings all asunder. One cannot live in a state of perpetual emotional turmoil, so I learn to accept the fact with resignation. There is, after all, nothing I could do. I am hopeless. But I do know that it is better to be hopeless than to wait for something that will never come. I am somewhat of a veteran at this, after all. Heartache is not new to me- and what the last one manages to do is to erase my idealism and make me more of a cynic. Cynicism helps, of course. This time around my expectations were not too great, and now that it has ended I am able to take it in stride, somehow. Still, acceptance does not signify being happy or okay. What it is, however, is an attempt at survival, a show of going through the motions of living, and a struggle to move on. Move on- a goal seemingly distant, but nonetheless attainable. |
   |
 |
 |
 |