| Beatrix Kiddo, AKA the Bride, vs Xiaoxiao, Badass stick figure |
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| backhand at Xiaoxiao's midsection. It connected, and Xiaoxiao flew 10 feet away. Beatrix pulled out a pistol and emptied its clip in rapid succession. Xiaoxiao saw this and leaned back. Time seemed to slow as he dodged to the left, then to the right, then to the left again while waving his arms in a windmill pattern. A collective gasp rose through the audience as it realized that Xiaoxiao was, in fact, Bullet-Timing. Those who had bet on the the Bride nervously fidgeted with their wallets, those who had bet on Xiaoxiao |
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| jumped up and down with glee, a group of male-supremecists yelled excessively sexist slogans at Kiddo, and a group of Feminazis did likewise at Xiaoxiao. "Shit! That stick knows how to bullet time!" "I bet Neo isn't happy." "Yeah! Go X-Man! Show that woman her place!" "Xiaoxiao Jia You! Asian bruthas, dog!" "Kill Bill! Kill Bill!" "Fight the man! Show the sexist dogs what we women are made of!" "Come on Kiddo, I'm betting my life savings on ya, don't fail me now..." With her pistol empty, Beatrix extended a hand in a crane's beak and attacked Xiaoxiao's chest, following up with a tiger claw. Xiaoxiao dodges the first strike and Matrixes the second, rolling out of the way into a handstand kick that snaps Kiddo's head back. Rolling some more, the stick figure catches her knee and rips. Blood and fabric gave way to Xiaoxiao's Ditang Zhao. Beatrix gasped at the pain and drew back. "Ground Claw?" Before she could react, Xiaoxiao launched a tornado kick at her, then a sweep. He cartwheeled away from a retaliatory axe kick and butterfly kicked over a successive roundhouse. Switching to Southern Fist, Xiaoxiao spun round and round, hitting at Kiddo with backhands and punches. She blocked most of these strikes, grabbed the last one with Pai Mei's Eagle Claw technique, and flipped him over her back in a perfectly executed judo throw. Unfortunately, she doesn't dodge Xiaoxiao's two spinning kicks that connect with her gut. The stick used the momentum of the two kicks to propel himself back up. Kiddo narrowed her eyes. Launching a new flurry of strikes, she pushed Xiaoxiao from one side of the arena to the other. Breaking Xiaoxiao's guard with an axe kick, the Bride clustered her fingers in a crane beak and proceeded to hit five of Xiaoxiao's acupoints before ending with a palm to the chest. "Five Point Heart-Exploding Palm!" The audience fell silent. Xiaoxiao's voice echoed across the arena. "That would have been a useful technique. Unfortunately, I am a stick figure, and therefore have no heart for you to explode." He rushed at the former DiVA, fist cocked back. Unfortunately for Xiaoxiao, he did not notice the Hattori Hanzo sword Kiddo had picked back up and hid behind her back. Shank! One stick became two. Kiddo sheathed her sword. "Sorry, but I've got bills to pay, a kid to raise...and that lifetime supply of chocolate sounds pretty good too." The Bride got up and climbed the steps to Round 2 of the Mount Hua Kungfu Tournament. |
| The Bride drew her Hattori Hanzo sword and got into a ready stance as the sunlight reflected off its smooth edge, blinding one fan in the third row. On the other side of the arena, Xiaoxiao strode across the ring, his little stick feet making a click-click-click noise not unlike that made by the Lord of the Dance. Beatrix Kiddo pointed the sword at Xiaoxiao. "Shall we dance?" Xiaoxiao answered with a flying kick that knocked the sword out of her hands. The gaijin swordswoman ducked under a punch, spun, and threw a |