Jack stood outside of Help Line, looking in the window in hopes that Jen was there. She had been so preoccupied lately with this place that it seemed a natural second choice, after checking Grams’.
Just his luck, no Jen. C.J. was there as were a bunch of other students, cleaning up the place. Their shift must have just finished and Jen was already heading home.
Jack had already started walking back to Grams’ when someone called out from the other end of the block, “Hey Jack.” Jack shut his eyes, praying it to be anyone else but the person he thought it was. “Did C.J. leave?”
He had never been particularly religious and it was coming back to haunt him now. Jack opened his eyes, forcing a smile as David approached. “Not yet.”
David held up the notebook in his hand. “He might need the notes to study for tomorrow’s exam. Are you in a hurry? Can you wait a few minutes for me to make this delivery?”
Jack shrugged. “Yeah, fine.” He watched David enter the Help Line office and chat with C.J. This was the opposite of what Jack wanted to be doing with his time, but didn’t have the heart to run away from this.
A few minutes later, David returned to the sidewalk. “Okay, now that’s settled. Want to grab a quick snack?”
Jack suggested, “How about a walk instead?”
“That would be a cheaper alternative.” They walked in step down the block. David asked, “Was there something in particular you wanted to do?”
“Not really,” Jack lied. “Just looking for Jen.”
“I guess you haven’t seen much of her, now that she’s hanging on C.J.’s every word.”
“That’s about right,” Jack replied distractedly, focusing on the traffic light ahead.
David gave a sideward glance Jack’s way. “Do you really want to be with me tonight? I won’t be insulted if you’re not in the mood…”
“Of course that’s not the case.”
“Right,” David muttered, not at all convinced. “So, were you looking for advice from her?”
Jack shrugged, not particularly interested in giving any answers. “It’s kind of hard to explain. I’m not even sure what to say.” He waited for David to prod him but that wasn’t happening. He wondered if this was a Help Line tactic, because it was working; there was this silence to fill. “I seem to want something that’s not quite attainable.”
“Something or someone?”
“I don’t know. Both, probably. By pursuing this as long as I have, it’s threatening to ruin everything else in my life. I can’t seem to get mind off of this thing, even as other obstacles are placed between us.”
“So why don’t you stop doing it, if you know it’s harmful?”
“It’s easier to deal, I suppose. Who wants to dwell on the reasons?”
“Maybe you should clean out the clutter and focus on what’s important,” David suggested.
Jack stopped as David kept walking. “But see, I’m not the only one here.” He rushed to catch up. “He’s the one who’s placed the strongest barrier.”
David turned around to face him. “Do you really think I don’t know where I fall in your life? I’m not blind, Jack. I see you going through the motions of a relationship. I don’t know why – maybe to prove you can, maybe to forget about the one you can’t achieve.”
“That is not true, David! I am not going through the motions. This is reality. Do you really think I should pursue a frivolous desire instead of being realistic?”
“I think you shouldn’t be realistic as a means to hide behind what, or who, you really want.” David saw Jack try to process this and shook his head. Someone had to make the decision, now before someone could get hurt. “Goodbye Jack.” He offered a kiss on the cheek, then walked away alone.
* * * * *
Joey turned around as soon as she and Pacey exited the building, eyebrows raised in confusion. “Why couldn’t we have talked there?”
“It was too messed-up,” Pacey replied quickly, walking quickly toward his car. “Besides, this is between us.”
That didn’t help ease Joey’s mind. “Why would there be messed up? It was just Emma and Jack.”
Pacey hadn’t even realized Jack was home until now. That made the decision to leave the apartment even better. It wouldn’t be wise to have him overhear their talk anyway. The truth was he saw enough of Jack around their place even without Jack’s actual presence in the room. The kitchen in particular seemed to be a common meeting place. Before, it was purely because of food – now it had other desirable connotations.
Yeah, his brain definitely couldn’t function with thoughts of the kitchen so near. This was about Joey now, not Jack. Right.
Pacey unlocked his car, both slipping in from the cold. Joey asked sarcastically, “Is here fine or are you afraid the car is bugged as well?”
“This is serious,” he said warningly.
More sincerely, Joey replied, “I realize that.” She blew on her hands. “So why does Emma think we reunited? That had better be what your phone message involved.”
Pacey chuckled nervously. “Yeah, it did. This is going to sound so weird.” He rubbed the back of his neck, getting a crick out. “See, I have been having these dreams about you.”
“Do you mean dreams like I’m a damsel in distress and you save me? Or is it more of a pornographic thing?”
“Mostly the second,” Pacey replied sheepishly.
Joey turned her body so she was staring straight ahead. “When did this start? Is that why you and Audrey broke up?”
“Not really. That breakup was still about the directions of our lives. As for the first question, this isn’t a new development – more like I was able to work past whatever I’d feel toward you in that environment.”
“So why is it now an issue?”
“Because a dream like that occurred when I was around someone else.”
“Not Audrey?”
Pacey gave a slight smile. “Not Audrey but just as lousy a recipient. The point is, I can’t continue this way. I need to figure out if you’re simply a memory I haven’t yet released or…”
Joey finished, “If we back in junior year all over again.”
“Exactly.”
“I won’t deny that it isn’t a tiny, itsy-bitsy bit flattering.” Joey fiddled with the hem of her sweater. I do treasure that time we spent together as well. That’s a part of my life that’s…”
“No longer a part of your life,” Pacey finished, wondering he was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the situation.
Joey pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. It was a second nature move, not even thinking.
He pushed himself closer, using his hand to stop hers from moving. She stared into his blue eyes, startled by his touch. For that moment, it appeared she was thinking of the past as well.
It was in that moment that Pacey decided what needed to be done, the risk of a right hook be damned. He leaned in and kissed her. Joey didn’t hesitate in returning the kiss, with a hunger she hadn’t had in a long time.
It brought to mind their times on the boat, where it was just the two of them and nothing but water surrounding them. Pacey closed his eyes as he remembered those times.
The ripples lightly crashing against True Love as their mouths connected and tongues intertwined. A faint breeze in the air, the fresh smell of the water wafted around them.
Joey turned her body so she had him pressed back in the driver’s seat.
He’d whisper sweet reassuring phrases in her ear as her kisses traveled from his mouth to his neck.
After Eddie had left without a word, there was a piece of Joey that felt empty. She felt bad for having an ex fill that role but she could see that he needed this as much as she did. Or, rather, as one hand landed on his thigh, she could feel that he needed it more.
Pacey was the one frustrated over a piece of the past that needed to be released. Joey hoped Pacey would be okay with her assistance.
Joey’s hair was blown…no, wait, it was in a ponytail…her eyes shone best at sunset, right…
Pacey tried to create a picture of Joey in his mind but it was blurry. It differed from the pristine vision in the dream. He shook his head, hoping it would either clarify the vision of True Love Joey Potter or allow him back into the reality of the current Joey Potter.
“Are you okay?” Joey asked softly, her fingers about to unzip his pants when she saw his reaction.
Pacey nodded, feeling her hand snake through and slowly stroke him.
The water was getting choppy, pushing him against the wall of the boat as he allowed her to do what she wanted. Waves crashed around them, both literally and metaphorically, as he was on the brink.
Joey sped up her fingers as she saw him bite his lip to keep from releasing at that moment.
What should have been long brown hair changed to short near-black hair. What should have been some cross between hazel and brown eyes were now green. What should have been a slight but powerful person was now muscular. Jack was watching him, waiting for that moment…
He let out a yelp as he released. Pacey opened his eyes, horrified as he saw Joey staring at him, her confused gaze saying it all. She could sense something wasn’t right.
She sat back in her seat, her eyes fixed on his. “Pacey?” she said, more in an effort to fill the stifling silence.
“I…no…that can’t be.” There were so many reasons what just happened shouldn’t have. He shut his eyes tight, trying to control his emotions.
“I’m sorry. I guess we got caught in a moment. I shouldn’t have given in like that but I thought you needed it so…” She shook her head. “It was a mistake. I still miss Eddie. You have someone else. I don’t want to play third wheel in your relationship. You could say it was your mildly crazy ex’s idea…”
Pacey said so softly he wasn’t quite sure it was even aloud, “I can’t believe I did this to him.” Jack had put up with his Joey fantasy all the while – never really aware of when that ended. Pacey knew that the only time their actions were actually connected to Joey was the very first kiss.
The problem really was that he held out hope that Joey would come to her senses and get away from that bartender who seemed to possess similar qualities to himself. Take the real thing instead, you know.
Now that he really could let go of the past – and realize Joey really wanted the stupid bartender – he no longer had that to hide behind.
Joey whispered, “I’m sorry about this,” as she awkwardly placed her hand on his knee. She didn’t exactly expect Pacey to be with, most likely, Jack. The idea of Pacey dating a guy didn’t really make sense to her. But she had to admit she was pleased that it was a friend of theirs.
At the same time, she was glad to wake Pacey up before it could ruin… No, Pacey probably already wrecked everything. That was why he was so shaken now. Like what you've read? Send feedback! Back to Index
