Drifting Back - 15 - The Sun Never Looked So Pretty Going Down
Drifting Back
Chapter 15 - The Sun Never Looked So Pretty Going Down
Audrey woke up Wednesday morning, hoping there was some change in the way the day before had started. She hated this, having to get up early in the hopes of finding what she needed.
She opened the door to Keith’s bedroom, saddened to realize she was still too late. Clothes had been added to the laundry basket in his closet, so he had been here at some point. His backpack was on the bed, so he’d be back, though probably not until she already left for class.
When she exited his room, she bumped right into Brendan. She mumbled an apology, then tried to sneak back into her own room. Before she could close the door, he asked, “Are you monitoring him?”
She spun around, surprised. “What? Of course not! I don’t care where he is.”
“Sure,” he said unconvinced, shuffling into the kitchen, grabbing two waffles from the freezer and dropping them in the toaster. “You have an odd obsession with him.”
“You’re full of it,” Audrey denied, it clear that Brendan hadn’t known yet what happened two days ago.
“Oh, really? I’m not sure if it’s weirder for you to stake his room or claim that Lisa has a crush.”
“Have you noticed he’s avoiding all of us?”
Brendan grunted an affirmative reply as he took the milk out of the refrigerator.
He wasn’t nearly as clueless as she thought. Time to take advantage of this opportunity. She stormed after him, blasting, “You fucking know something!”
“Probably. Then again, so do you. I know what he’s doing now, you know what he did. Coffee?”
“Bastard,” she mumbled as she settled at the counter. “Yeah, sure.”
He changed the filter, then began scooping. “So, does his fuck-up involve you, Jen, Joey or all three?”
“Well, nothing’s different with Joey. They never really got along, even before he stuck his nose in your problems.”
“Not enough to warrant the dodging?” Brendan surmised.
“Nope.” Audrey grabbed a banana and began peeling. “I’m pretty sure he and Jen had sex, then he goes to me and suggests having an affair. In the same night!”
He exclaimed, “That’s ridiculous, even for Keith!”
“Thank you!” loving that she’d finally told someone and that person could see the nonsense. More compassionately, she added, “He was really upset about a call…”
“That is such an excuse. So that gives him the right to do that? Have some comfort sex with you?”
“I don’t think that’s what he was looking for. He didn’t really want me so much as not wanting to talk to Jen about the situation.”
The pop-up sound from the toaster diverted his attention. He grabbed the strawberry preserves jar and spread that on the waffles. “Your situation or the phone call?”
“The call. He’s got a plane ticket home that could be permanent.”
“What?” He spun around, shocked by that information. “Why would that happen?”
“Successful rehab stint.”
“This is really not good,” Brendan muttered, settling at the counter.
“Why is that not good?” Audrey challenged. “Shouldn’t he be pleased that his mom is recovering?”
“I’m sure he is but the problem is there’s already been a lot of damage caused. Their conversations eventually disintegrate into fights in which she says crap I hope she really doesn’t mean. She gave up on being a parent years ago.”
“Hold on. What? That doesn’t even seem possible. She let his dad have the responsibility she couldn’t handle?”
“Stan is neither responsible nor much of a father. I mean, he is, biologically, but otherwise no.”
“I see.” She waited for the coffee to finish, then grabbed two mugs and poured. “So what is he doing now?”
“Running.”
“No shit. I can already see that. After all, he was supposed to talk to Jen yesterday…”
“I meant he’s doing his morning run.”
“Oh.” She set the mugs on the counter, then poured milk in her mug, more milk than coffee in hers. “So I should just sit idly by, wait for him stop running, and I don’t mean the jog?”
Brendan took the container after her, barely letting one drop in his mug before returning it and the jar of preserves back in the refrigerator. “Actually, Jen should be first. He’s more likely to open up to her.”
“Okay, so I actually was right the first time about that decision.” Audrey brought the phone over to the counter and was about to dial when she chose to make clear. “You do realize I am over him. The Lisa thing was not connected. I really thought she liked him.”
“I was subjected to a rant in which she made it crystal clear that not only was she not interested, she barely knew who he was. Why would you think she was attracted?”
“Well, it wasn’t what you think. It was more of a goal for Lisa. Not so much about him as to get her to change, just a little. Too bad the objective was incorrect. See, she had said that it was the guy who’d thrown the Halloween party and his relationship troubles kept her from making a move. Maybe I misunderstood her.”
“Because nobody else fits that description,” Brendan muttered sarcastically.
Audrey didn’t catch the sarcasm. “Exactly. Anyone could have relationship trouble. As for the party, I know of at least ten people who claimed credit for that.”
Brendan couldn’t help but snicker. He had suspected Lisa was protesting so adamantly for reasons not connected to the complaint itself. “Okay, that’s an interesting theory.”
Audrey narrowed her eyes at him. “What is so funny?”
“The fact that you can’t figure it out is the reason it’s so funny. It may be best not to tell Lisa you told me anything.” That would buy enough time for him to figure this out. He had to admit Lisa had been in the back of his mind for a while. He had always been happier on the nights she’d come into the computer lab, even when dating Joey. He’d wonder if she had any clue what she was doing sometimes, especially during heated discussions such as the one Audrey and Joey had interrupted.
“Why?” This was a strange mood, that was for sure. “It’s not like she’d care whether you knew.”
This was going to be too much fun. It’s not that he cared whether Audrey knew the truth, more that she was so oblivious. He could easily badger Audrey about what knowledge he had that she didn’t. He pointed to the phone. “Call Jen. I have get ready while that coffee cools off.”
Audrey made a mental note to find out what the hell was wrong with her roommate. But first…she hit four on the speed-dial and waited for someone to pick up. Finally, she heard a groggy voice say, “Hello?”
“Hi, Jen. It’s Audrey. There’s something I have to tell you…”
* * * * *
Jen was annoyed, cold and probably too late. Still, she waited at a table inside the café in the hopes that Keith would go through his morning routine. Even though Audrey said he was jogging, Keith once told her he’d stop here for a bagel only when he ran. She hoped he stuck to that particular custom today or else she’d have to rush to make her first class.
Just as she was about to give up on this plan, he walked in. The brim of the cap was covering his eyes but he could no longer hide from her.
Jen waited for him to finish at the register. When he had the paper bag with his order, she made her move. She followed him out the door, calling out as cheerfully as she could, “I thought I saw you pass.”
Keith turned around. “Hey,” he said uncomfortably, then asked, “Which direction are you heading?”
“Your way. We need to talk.” She was silently thrilled that she had been able to convey the right combination of chilliness and ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude.
“Ouch. The four worst words.” He looked around for a spot. “How about that alley?”
At first she thought that was a terrible idea, but it made sense. Audrey was likely still at his place, not good in a two-way discussion. Grams was definitely at her home. At least here there wouldn’t be interruptions or a crowd at this time of day. “Fine.”
They walked down the block to the alleyway. Jen stood in the middle while Keith took a few steps away from her, dropping the bag on the ground. He motioned for her to go ahead, folding his arms across his chest.
“I was told to do this before anything else.” She took a deep breath, then stated, “I received an interesting phone call from Audrey. She told me to give you a message.” With that, she balled up her fist and connected with a right hook to his left cheek.
Keith was so stunned by the action that it took a moment for him to realize what she did. “Tell Audrey she packs a fierce punch. Ow!” He turned away and raised his hand to where she struck, his cap falling off in the process. There would be a bruise there shortly, one that was clearly deserved after the way he talked to Audrey the other night. Now it was time to wait to hear what he needed from Jen – the break-up talk.
Jen smirked, waiting expectantly for a protest. “You are aware why I did that, right?”
“Yeah.”
She waited for him to deny – that it couldn’t be the way she thought. When none came, there was only one possible reply he wanted and she wouldn’t do it. Not just yet. “I’m not leaving you,” she stated emphatically.
Forget the punch; that remark was the knock out blow. He stared back at her, stammering out, “What? Why? What happened was clearly wrong…”
“That’s what you want me to do. See, Audrey relayed to me your entire conversation. Instead of trying to deal with the call, you chose to push me away. If I leave now, you win. I won’t let that happen because I’m too mad and stubborn for that.”
“What would you prefer?”
“I want an explanation. Why are you doing this? I deserve that much. I can still dump you but I won’t until I know the truth. Believe me, I can make your life hell. I don’t want to do that, especially since so far you’ve been all talk, no action.” Keith looked over her shoulder, not able to deal with this. She came closer, wrapping an arm around him, looking at his distant stance as she said softly, “You’re talking to the expert at pushing people away. I know all the tricks.” Jen brushed her fingers over the spot she hit him, then broke contact and took a few steps backward.
After five minutes of silence, she walked back to the main street and waited on the sidewalk. She hoped he would come rushing after her, at least allow her a chance to understand. Audrey alluded to a possible trip home. Jen couldn’t figure out where was the bad news. Sure, it meant a possible separation, but that wasn’t a big deal – at least based on her knowledge. There was a chance she’d lose him, but that would be after the trip. It didn’t make sense for him to sever ties right now.
It was another five minutes before she realized he had yet to leave the alley. There was nothing but a high chain-link fence at the other end. If he tried to scale the rickety barrier, she’d hear it. She snuck a glance back, expecting illogically for the alley to be empty.
Keith was sitting on the ground, his knees pulled close. One elbow was perched on his knee with his baseball cap in his hand. Each breath faintly appeared in the chilly morning air. It took a few moments for Jen to realize he was in panic mode. There was something deeply wrong. This wasn’t only about their relationship. Just as Audrey told her, the call had shaken him, for reasons neither yet knew.
The option of leaving escaped as Keith glanced her way, a fleeting look of horror upon spotting her there. That was replaced by a blank glance away as he stood up quickly, pretending that there had been nothing to see. He didn’t have to look again to know that Jen had no intention of moving from that position until he said something.
She wanted to be there, even as he doubted they could survive the current change in events. Hell, he wasn’t sure if he could survive this, as his mind was spinning with different possibilities, each worse than the next. It was when he couldn’t think straight that the worst ideas came out of his head and into public space – such as his suggestion to Audrey the last time they’d spoken. Even though now was certainly one of those times, he didn’t want Jen to leave now. The words came out as barely a whisper but clear in the otherwise quiet area, “I surrender.”
Jen had to make sure she heard right. She came closer, until she was standing right in front of him, and asked in an exaggerated manner, “I’m sorry, what was that?”
Despite the tone, Jen seemed quite interested in what he had to say. Even while there had been people he could call friends, none he was willing to tell the whole story. While he was aware of Brendan’s knowledge of certain aspects and by extension what Brendan probably told Jen that day in Keith’s room with the red scrapbook, the worse parts Keith couldn’t even tell him.
He shut his eyes and took a deep cleansing breath, attempting to steady his nerves, then stared back at her. “Three and a half years ago was my mom’s first rehab stint. I had lived out here in Boston for a few months but I was homesick and it was summer, as good an excuse as any to visit. The first few days were great. On the fifth day, I found out she was at a bar. I tracked her down, find her drunk out of her mind, fawning over some random guy.”
“This time could be different.”
“The other two times could have as well,” he amended. “I don’t want to be optimistic about it being the lucky fourth time. But I know I will, because that’s the way I’ve been before. It doesn’t matter about visiting since it’s my aunt’s idea. She says Mom wants to see me. Shouldn’t get my hopes up about that, either.”
Oh! It was beginning to make more sense. It wasn’t about the rehab – it was about the possible trip back home. “When was the last time you saw her?”
“After I discovered her at the bar, we got into a huge argument. I tried to drag her out of the place but she actually convinced her date to defend her from me. How fucking screwed up is that? Okay, I admit maybe I was a little crazed to see her with a guy who wasn’t my dad, but to side with a stranger? She threw me out of the house the next morning and hasn’t wanted me around since.”
Jen remembered the Halloween phone call she’d overheard. They didn’t have the best of relationships but she hadn’t totally abandoned him either. “She does call you. It’s not like she has given up on a connection.”
“Oh yeah,” he scoffed, thinking back to the last time they talked. “That’s bonding. She’ll call because she feels guilty about something but it eventually results in another argument. The Halloween call? She wished that I died in the fire with Dad so she could move on with her life.” He turned his head away from her, affixing the cap back on. His voice sounded choked as he continued, “Of course, she entered rehab the next day so maybe she took my reply, the dare for her to drink into oblivion, seriously.”
“That’s not funny.” Jen forced Keith to face her. She could guess that he had to be the grown-up since his father died, trying to keep everything in line. It was the child there now, lost and confused, wanting nothing more to have his mom back but knowing enough that there were roadblocks, namely his mother’s destructive behavior. Jen wrapped her arms around him, seeing that he could desperately use a hug right now.
“It wasn’t meant to be,” Keith replied solemnly as he rested his head against hers and gave in to the embrace. “It’s just so appropriate that Aunt Sally’s call came when it did. If there had ever been a moment I was truly happy with my life since Dad died, it was right before that.”
Jen cracked a joke, “Listening to me badger Pacey about sex is your happiest moment?”
“Yeah, the pinnacle of my life occurred with a creepy phone sex talk,” he deadpanned, then said, “I meant you.”
Jen furrowed her brow, not quite sure what he meant. “The girl responsible for the shiner soon to appear?”
“Don’t play dumb,” he insisted, then continued softly, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much, so it would figure something like this ends up wrecking everything. It’s not like I’d be forced to stay with my mom. Yet…parents are really good at guilt trips. Time has been wasted, being this far apart for so long.”
“Sounds like you’ve already been thinking of her possible arguments.”
“If she stays sober this time, it will be difficult to choose.”
She had to think of a rebuttal quickly, given he had told her something she figured he hadn’t meant to say. How could she possibly let him leave after he said those three little words? Besides, there were people here who’d miss him, practically a second family. Blood may be thicker than water but when family deserted him, it was the friends who had been there. Sure, Boston had some blood as well, his biological father…screwing up the analogy but providing the most logical argument.
Jen rubbed the back of his neck, trying to calm him down. “Have you considered what you give up if you stay in Georgia? Forget about me, long-distance is at least an option in our case. You may not think of Stan as much of a father but he has done one really good thing. He got you into Worthington, a college that provokes much jealousy among others, especially Boston Bay students such as myself. If you stay there, you’ll probably, I’m guessing, go back into your father’s line of work and stay at the garage. That’s not a terrible thing but it’s a waste of an amazing opportunity.”
“What you’re saying makes sense. Hell, I’ve thought about the school aspect. When I’m there, all bets are off. I can’t say with certainty that I’d return to Boston.” He closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry in front of her, as he finished, “I wish I could but it’s not that easy.”
* * * * *
Pacey drove into town, it feeling like he’d never left. There was the now-closed movie theater, where he, Joey and Dawson would go catch the latest or the oldest flicks.
A block later, he spotted Doug in his patrol car, waiting for something to happen. It never really would here. He guessed that if Dougie were really paying attention on the job, he would have spotted his little brother.
There was a reason Pacey had intended never to return here after graduation. When he’d gotten the offer to work on that cruise ship, it was the ticket out he’d always wanted.
At the time, it was easier to think of it as a Joey-related issue. Yes, it was beneficial to think without Capeside people giving their input. Without Dawson’s misguided influence on the situation. Without Joey pleading for forgiveness for problems she hadn’t even fully understood at that time.
Even though Dawson no longer cared about who Joey dated, there was still that cloud. He could say all he wanted but until the three of them were in the same place, nothing could truly change. Pacey realized he was probably the only point of that stupid shape that still cared about this. The only side was really his involving Dawson, as neither had talked.
Correction, Dawson had called and Pacey was avoiding. It was wrong, but they could easily be false about their actions while on the phone. Pacey couldn’t take hearing that from his former best friend.
The Potter B&B. Pacey shut off the car in front of the place. It had been the safest place during his last two years in Capeside, that being junior and senior year. One year involved helping the Potter women realize their mother’s dream, the other trying to somehow fulfill his own.
“Pacey?” a voice called out from the porch. Bessie was sitting there, her hair held back with a kerchief, book in hand.
Pacey smiled warmly at her, exiting his car and approaching the porch. Bessie returned the smile and embraced him. “It’s so nice to see you.”
“You took long enough to see us,” she scolded. “How long has it been?” She pulled back, inspecting how mature Pacey had become.
“Two and a half years. I know, Bess. I should have called.”
“Well, at least my sister tracked you down. That girl was merciless on your brother. I actually felt a little bad for Doug.”
Pacey chuckled at the thought. “Well, it’s nice to know I can torture him even when I’m not in town.”
“Have you seen him yet?”
“No. He was busy,” he lied.
Bessie frowned slightly. “You know the time will come when you have to deal with home. They know you’re okay, from me, but it would still be nice if they saw for themselves.”
Pacey shrugged, “Guess so.”
She took that as an indication to change the subject. “You and Jo, together again I hear. That is the current gossip, correct?”
“For this week,” he jibed back.
“That’s nice to hear,” she replied dryly.
“Actually, Joey and I couldn’t be happier right now. Almost everything has been resolved, which is the biggest relief.”
“Almost?”
“I can’t officially say until,” pointing in the direction of the creek, “we deal with the last problem.”
Bessie grinned. “I wouldn’t worry too much about Dawson. After all, you were just kids then. Dawson survived the heartbreak caused by the girl of his dreams. Now he’s with a real woman instead of the girl. I’d say that’s a more mature step.”
A real woman. While Joey had also been the girl of Pacey’s dreams, that wasn’t the same person he was dealing with now. He was aware that she had become a grown woman, just one who happened to know all the embarrassing details of his childhood as well. A balance between the past and the future.
Bessie checked her watch and groaned. “I hate to leave you but I have to pick up Alex from school. You will be here when I get back, right? You simply have to try Bodie’s apple raisin pie.”
“I’ll stay around.” There would be no more running from Capeside.
* * * * *
Jen sipped her Sprite, nodding along as Jack explained his plans for Christmas. Another day, she’d have to ask him what the hell he was talking about. All she was sure of was that as soon as Scott entered Hell’s Kitchen, Jack dropped the subject, so it probably had something to do with their relationship.
“Jen!” Scott exclaimed as he sat down next to her and kissed her on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Damn it, he was almost as hyper as Jack. Double the aggravation.
“Is this going to be a repeat of your display in front of my house?” Jen questioned him wearily. That would be two days ago, when he sat on her porch, playing his CD player and singing along to “No Blue Sky”. A different song and a different guy, it may have been swoonworthy, possibly even Lloyd Dobler level. As it was, it was kind of depressing yet there was no way she could deny the apology Scott didn’t really have to give.
Scott smiled shyly, not even sure why he thought singing wouldn’t be anything other than embarrassing. “No, there will be no sequel, ever, so don’t even think about it,” staring right at Jack.
Jack laughed at his reaction. Scott wasn’t normally the one who’d pull a stunt like that, being more of a behind-the-scenes planner than the one leading the pack. “I really wish I had visited Jen later in the day,” Jack snickered.
“Are you done?” Jack nodded. “Okay, so the reason I wanted to see Jen?” turning her way, temporarily keeping his boyfriend out of the conversation. “My sister is moving back to California, hopefully graduating this semester.” Jack gave a knowing glance to Jen. Well, Jen would have known what that look meant if she’d been listening earlier. Scott let Jack back in. “Meaning that there are now expenses that are no longer mine to deal with.”
Neither Jack nor Jen could figure what the news had to do with her. “That’s a good thing,” Jen replied. “I think.”
“A very positive thing. As a result, there’s now money I don’t have to save for Sarah’s little disasters.”
Ah, this was settlement talk. Jen offered, “You should enjoy your newfound wealth. Take a vacation…”
“How the hell can I do that, given the source?” Scott snapped. “So I came up with the perfect solution.”
“Which is?”
“Splurging on your Christmas gift. You won’t accept any of it, which doesn’t really make sense since you were there and all.”
“I told you that since the medical expenses were covered, there’s no need for anything else,” she chided. “Why am I surprised you’re thinking about that already?”
“It’s only a few weeks away, Grinch,” Jack reminded her.
Scott continued, “The only problem is that it’s you. Even if Jack and I jointly pick the gift, you’re still a hard person to shop for.”
“I don’t care,” she said absently.
Joey came to the table with their food. After dropping the burgers down, she offered, “You could do so much good with that money.” To Scott, she asked, “The usual?”
“There you go. Charity,” Jen replied, less than enthused. “Give it to some homeless shelter.”
Scott replied, “Yeah, the usual,” then shook his head as he explained to Joey, “That doesn’t quite work, given that she already outright rejected the money.” He pointed out to Jen, “I refuse to hear about being selfless this holiday season. This is for you. I want you to be… well not this particular mood you’re sporting. What’s going on?”
Jen twirled around the straw, muttering, “The Grinch arrived a little early this year. Keith is heading home. It could be a permanent shift.”
Scott replied seriously, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Wow, that is Grinch-y,” Joey agreed.
Jack couldn’t help but snicker at Joey’s reaction. “You don’t even like him! As soon as Jen leaves, you’ll probably celebrate his departure.”
Joey replied defensively, “His name is the only one on the lease. This directly affects me.” Her attention was diverted by another patron so she had to leave their table.
Jack replied drolly, “Nice to know her priorities are straight.”
Jen forced a smile at their attempt at humor. “I wish it were that easy.” She went on to explain what happened that morning, finishing off with, “I have no idea what to do. No matter what I say, there’s a real chance he’ll decide based on what happens a thousand miles away.”
Jack joked, “Do the words ‘Ask Me To Stay’ mean anything to you?”
Jen reprimanded him, “I am not renting a wall and ripping off Pacey. Absolutely not!”
“There are three other words that have even more power,” Scott reminded her.
Jen shook her head, furiously wanting not to think about that particular admission from before. “Except I’m not going there. You can’t just throw that around as an excuse to stay. Sometimes, people don’t really mean it when they say it anyway.”
Scott asked, “So you wouldn’t mean it?” at the same time Jack asked, “When did he say that?”
Jen was alarmed by Jack’s question. “When did I state that he did?”
Jack nodded along but said to Scott, “He must have. Although maybe it was during sex.”
Jen confirmed, “No, actually, it was in the midst of this morning’s freak out. Neither would be the best time, really.”
Scott’s eyes widened, “You didn’t say it back?”
“It wasn’t meant to be answered. Not exactly a slip of the tongue, more like getting caught on an emotional roller coaster. I wouldn’t know what I’d do if it was meant sincerely.” Great, now she was worried about a problem she didn’t even know she had. Jack and Scott were normally the stabilizing force in her life yet right now they were driving her crazy. “Can you excuse me? I need to head to the bathroom.” Scott slid out of his seat to let her pass.
When she was safely gone, Jack wondered aloud, “There has to be some way to make this work out.”
Scott was watching Joey serving another table when an idea came to him. “I’ve got it!” he exclaimed.
“You do?” Jack said excitedly.
“Her Christmas gift! Jen will be so shocked, especially if I can get Joey to help.”
“Her Christmas gift?” Jack repeated in a pissed-off tone. “I meant about Jen and Keith!”
Scott rolled his eyes, irritated that Jack could possibly think that wasn’t what this was about. “I am perfectly aware of that. You’ll see. This plan will succeed.”
