Pacey and Joey were in the parking lot of the apartment building Pacey lived in, neither wanting to break away from kissing long enough to get inside. Pacey broke away long enough to ask, “Are you sure you want to stay here?”
Joey smiled brightly. “I’ve never been more sure. Though I think we should warm up inside.”
Pacey kidded, “As soon as you let go.”
“Okay, I guess I can survive those few moments.” She reluctantly opened the door and stepped out of the car. They managed to control themselves long enough for Pacey to unlock his apartment door. Once the door was closed with them inside, Joey went back to kissing him.
In that short a time, however, Pacey began to wonder why he asked that question in the first place. Was it about whether she wanted to spend the night here or not spending the night at home? She had been able to keep him from doubting their current situation throughout the night. So why now?
Pacey led Joey in the direction of the couch. She didn‘t want to break away from him, and he didn‘t exactly want to either but it needed to be asked. “How’s the living situation?”
“As good as it could possibly be.”
He broke away from her touch. “What does that mean?”
Joey gave him a puzzled look. “That means nobody in the apartment is giving me a headache. Given that Audrey and Keith both live in the same place after breaking up, that’s a downright amazing achievement.”
Pacey smirked, realizing that in fact was remarkable, especially for Audrey. But that wasn’t what interested him at this moment. “What about the ex who sleeps two doors down from you?”
She laughed it off. “Nothing about the ex. We were friends before sex got involved and, this may be a shock to you, but we’re friends after that was eliminated.” She hadn’t thought about him all night, so it felt weird to hear Pacey asking about that.
“Does Brendan agree with your assessment?”
“Pacey! He practically pushed us back together.” She couldn’t believe that Pacey was being jealous for no reason. “What else could provoke that type of reaction?”
“I just think that, should this time with us not work out, you’d go back to Brendan. You know, get the past out of your system first.”
Joey narrowed her eyes. “That’s not happening. Where is this coming from?”
He shrugged. “It was just a thought.”
She nodded, though she was pondering what brought this on. Joey doubted Pacey would be envious of every past relationship. Even though Pacey had claimed he had recovered from the way their relationship ended before, Joey now wasn’t so sure. “Is this about Brendan or Dawson? Because what you’re saying sounds closer to the Dawson discussion.”
Pacey shrugged. “Maybe a little of both.”
“Have you even set foot in Capeside since graduation?”
“Maybe not.”
“You should. I agree that it’s not necessary to go backward but the past does have an effect on the present. There was a time when Dawson was your best friend. The Leery house was as much a home as your own. Ducking his phone calls won’t help.”
“I’m not…”
“Jack told you so don’t pretend he never called.”
“What I was going to say was that I’m not sure how to deal with him. I didn’t see myself back in this circle of friends when I first moved to Boston. I know you said that he has moved on and, theoretically, we could repair our friendship but that’s hard for me to believe.”
Joey could understand that explanation, knowing how much more was involved. It’s not that they were adversaries any longer but Dawson and Pacey had a friendship that changed because of broken trust and growing up. She wouldn’t force them to return to what they had but she didn’t want Pacey to be worried about Capeside either. There was the calamity known as the Witter house, which he understandably didn’t want to revisit. But Dawson was also part of the Capeside past and something he probably wanted to avoid just as much.
She reassured him with a soft peck on the cheek. “You have to admit, it’s easier to say it now, instead of letting everything build up until it explodes.”
Pacey concurred, “Actually, it does. But you also changed the subject. The problem right now doesn’t involve Dawson.”
“I know. I was trying to assure you have nothing to worry about.” Joey touched the spot on his cheek where she’d laid the kiss. “I won’t say that we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. I’m no longer that naïve. But… this much I’ve learned. I enjoy the way I feel when I’m around you. I’ve missed feeling that alive. Should we break up, I wouldn’t go back to somebody who I know doesn’t provoke that strong of an emotion. I can say with certainty another guy hasn’t been in my life yet who rivals you.”
Pacey turned to her and brushed his lips over hers. “I feel similarly.”
“Can we bring this into your room?” Joey asked, teasing him with her hand on the hem of his shirt.
He pulled back slightly, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “You’re such a cute little vixen.”
Joey stood up, bringing Pacey up with her. “Maybe but it’s only because you bring that out in me.”
* * * * *
Jack banged loudly on the door to Scott’s apartment. He had already gone back to his place get the note, which only said that Scott was staying home tonight.
He heard a muffled reply, then a minute later the door opened. Scott appeared, wearing sweatpants and a denim shirt he’d stuck one arm through and draped the rest over his shoulder. “Hey Jack.”
Jack nodded a reply. Scott stepped aside to let Jack in, the chilliness of Jack’s demeanor quickly evident. Scott stayed by the now-shut door while Jack settled on the couch. Scott tried to break the silence threatening to freeze the room. “I know I should have been there. I mean, hell, I was the one who invited everyone. But it kind of didn’t make sense since I’d just be standing around, being the unneeded chaperone…”
Jack was too tired from the traveling to deal with Scott avoiding the problem, so he stated bluntly, “When was I supposed to find out about the settlement?”
“Jen told you?”
“Sarah mentioned the cash. Jen confirmed my suspicion as to where it came from.”
Scott slumped against the door. He should have figured his sister would brag about that. “Yeah, um, I guess I should have mentioned it.”
“I’m confused. Since when do you care about money? I’d have thought you’d want justice instead.”
“Yeah, well, it’s amazing how the world can screw around with one’s ethics.” He headed over to the coffee table and handed an envelope to Jack, then sat at the opposite end of the couch and settled back waiting for a reaction.
Jack gave Scott a confused look, then opened the envelope to find a brief note and a check written with a sizable amount. The note simply summarized a previous series of papers Scott must have signed then the same figure. “If you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t seem too thrilled about this.”
“I never was, Jack. I’m merely doing what needs to be done to get out of debt. If I lived alone, I would work around the problem but there’s no way I can do that with my sister living here. I won’t have her worrying about living on the street. The sooner this goes away, the better off everyone is.”
There was something about this situation that Jack was just beginning to realize. Something that he hadn’t even connected to prior to this moment. It was one of those things that had stayed in the back of Jack’s mind throughout this ordeal, while his thoughts were on Scott and Jen’s welfare. Jack turned toward Scott and asked softly, “You still think about the accident, don’t you?”
Scott nodded. “Unfortunately.”
“It’s not going to go away by doing what’s right or wrong. Just one of those things you have to learn to accept. Be thankful that both you and Jen came out of this with few lasting scars. It could have been worse.”
It took a few moments before Scott comprehended what Jack meant. Although Jack himself never brought it up, Jen mentioned it once, months ago. “Your brother Tim,” he said simply.
“Yeah,” Jack replied, surprised he didn’t have to rehash the story. “I still think about that accident. How it wrecked what was once a relatively normal family. That doesn’t leave you. It’s when you try to block out what happened that it becomes worse, building up inside until it tears you apart.”
“So, what does work?”
“Well, it’s easier not to push away people who want to help.” Jack moved closer, resting his hand on the back of Scott’s neck. He spoke softly, “It’s a difficult time. I realize that. I know you enjoy keeping busy and the time off is probably killing you more than the physical pain…”
“Don’t disregard the physical pain so quickly,” Scott kidded.
“Okay, fine, smartass. So it’s an all-around lousy period. It will get better.”
“I hope so. Although…I’m beginning to think it’s not too bad.” Scott sat up, wrapping his good arm around Jack’s waist. “You have been too good to me and I’m sure I’ve been nothing but an annoyance.”
“I think Jen would choose different words to describe your attitude.”
“Yeah, well, as much as I want to remedy that, I don’t want to hear her voice right now.” He flashed a playful grin then leaned forward to kiss him. “Is that a problem?”
Jack was surprised to see Scott’s wit return. In the weeks since the accident, he’d been sullen and no-nonsense, more talkative than the first night out of the hospital but still wary. He couldn’t recall Scott kissing him, not even as a greeting, since then. “Not at all.”
* * * * *
Thud. Audrey cursed softly, “Damn it,” being careful in the dark while having Brendan’s arm around her as he tried to keep up. She knew they were somewhere in the living room but finding the correct door proved to be a challenge, what with some object blocking the path.
Eventually, she found the correct room and led him inside. As soon as she dropped him off in bed, she’d have to find out what the hell caused that sound.
That quickly proved to be unnecessary because, just as she was about to leave his room, there was a beam of light. Someone had turned the living room lamp on.
Audrey reentered the living room to find Keith squinting her way, trying to wake up while Jen was still asleep lying on him. “What was that? Oh, hey Audrey. How was your evening?”
She whispered, “Help me.”
“You realized the guy you brought home wasn’t worth it?” He gave her a knowing smirk.
Audrey scowled, now aware that Keith hadn’t seen Brendan was the one with her. “No, ‘help me’ means get your ass off the couch and assist.” She headed over to him and jerked him out of his relaxed position, startling Jen in the process. “Is that a little clearer?”
“Yeah, a little. What happened?” He staggered to his feet as he followed Audrey, to find her heading to Brendan’s room.
“He got a bit bent out of shape seeing Pacey and Joey together,” Audrey explained as she struggled to take off his coat, then pointed to his feet.
“A bit?” Keith raised an eyebrow at her understatement, as he took off the sneakers. Brendan wasn’t a drinker. Despite the many times Keith had tried to convince Brendan to join him in drinking at clubs and parties, Brendan always seemed to fulfill the designated driver role.
“Well, it was bound to happen sometime. Probably shouldn’t have had him near the alcohol when that meeting took place.”
Brendan interrupted, “Just because I, for once, decide to not be the usual uptight bore doesn’t mean it has to do with some girl.” He turned on his side, as Keith sat down on the floor next to the bed.
“But it has to do with some girl,” Keith concluded.
“Of course it does! She didn’t give a damn. She thrives off the power she has over guys. She can get any of us lowly creatures to cater to her every desire. That’s all it ever was to her because it sure as hell wasn’t as if she ever cared.”
Angry. Bitter. Cynical. None emotions Keith really ever saw from Brendan. Sure, pissed off, especially when it involved home life, but this was different. He’d be thankful never to deal with this side ever again. “When the morning comes, you’ll be able to think clearer.”
“You’re right because then I can resume my regular role as her supportive friend. I won’t be the one who wants to punch Pacey square in the mouth so that he lands on the floor. Which of course I’d never do because that’s playing into a strength of Pacey’s and Joey would still choose the love of her life even if I ended up knocked senseless.”
“You’re already pretty close to that condition right now,” Audrey pointed out, not pleased at all to be privy to this conversation.
Brendan continued, “Then again, I don’t have the power to have the ladies swoon over me no matter how much of a dick I am, unlike some people.” He glared right at Keith as he said that.
Keith rubbed his shoulder, trying to be unfazed by that harsh assessment. “I know you’re annoyed about Joey but don’t drag me in the middle, though I have no clue where you’re heading with this.”
“You realize that Audrey would fuck you right now even though Jen’s probably in the next room. In some perverse way you like that, because it’s a safety net in case the real relationship gets too complicated. You know, if you, heaven forbid, say that you’re falling in love with her. Because that just fucks up everything. Believe me.”
Jen had just reached the doorway, startled by the tail end of their discussion. Keith stood up, shaking his head. “I’m not letting you pick a fight with me. Tomorrow, we can gladly talk but you’re too drunk for us to even try now. Go to sleep.” He dragged the garbage can over to the side of the bed. “If you need it.”
Audrey, Jen and Keith left the bedroom, careful to shut the door. Keith leaned against the wall and slid down to sit on the carpet while Jen and Audrey stood around, none of the three sure what to say. After a few minutes, Audrey said, “What he said isn’t true. Not that it really should matter since you two are the happy couple and all.”
Jen sat on the arm of the couch, waiting for Keith to say something but he was deep in thought. So she said to Audrey, “I didn’t really believe that either.”
Audrey let out a relieved sigh, settling on a stool by the counter. “Good because I thought you’d take that seriously.” She snuck a glance in Keith’s direction. “Is something wrong?”
Jen asked hesitantly, “Should we believe him?” No, Jen, don’t do that. Of course he doesn’t have Audrey as a backup.
“About the three of us?” He shook his head. “Completely false. It’s the rest I’m trying to figure out.”
Audrey took an apple from the fruit bowl and bit into it. “There’s nothing to figure out. It’s drunken rambling from the recently dumped. Nothing to concern yourself with.”
Considering Audrey was Joey’s closest friend, Keith was surprised by how flippant she was. He wished he could figure out what went wrong between them. There had to be more than the Pacey return involved. Though he doubted Brendan would have told him so even if they had time to talk prior to tonight’s incoherence. “Did Joey talk to you about this?”
“About her time with Brendan? God no. When Joey and I went out for breakfast after we found them in bed together, I insisted that she not tell me the details when possible.”
“I’m not sure what’s going on,” Keith muttered as he stood up, heading for his jacket by the door. “But I think I know who does.”
* * * * *
That morning, Pacey walked Joey to her apartment. It was a rather brisk morning, the first sign that winter would soon arrive.
Joey wrapped her arms around Pacey, whose arm was around her shoulder as much for warmth as wanting to be close. “Last night was amazing.”
Pacey leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Glad you enjoyed.”
“Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind repeats of that performance.”
Pacey was about to offer a lewd remark when he spotted Keith asleep in his car. “What is he doing out here?”
Joey grumbled, “Probably in the dog house.” She headed over to the car and tapped on the window.
Keith had been trying to keep awake, knowing Joey would be showing up soon. Even though that wasn’t successful, at least he’d been spotted. He rolled down the window. “There you are.” He noticed Pacey behind her and nodded a hello his way, then focused back to Joey. “I’ve been waiting for you all night.”
Joey turned to Pacey, giving a satisfied smirk. She asked innocently, “Did you lock yourself out?”
“No, I’m out here voluntarily.”
“Ah, so Jen and/or Audrey are angry with you.”
“Nope, both are probably still upstairs, wondering where I could have gone. This is about you, Joey Potter.”
Pacey could tell whatever it was involved the apartment and he should stay out of this. “I’d better get back home.”
Joey nodded a reply, baffled by Keith’s hostile attitude. “I thought you and I had done a masterful job of avoiding each other during our time as roommates.”
“Oh how quickly you remind me why that’s been the case,” Keith griped, opening his car door and stepping outside to directly face her. “I stayed out of your affairs as you and Brendan dated. In hindsight, that wasn’t a wise choice but I thought it’d be preferred if you two kept to yourselves.”
“I am so sorry if you stopped paying attention to Jen and Audrey long enough to know that I’ve moved on.”
“I really don’t care about you choosing Pacey over Brendan. In fact, I think that was a fair decision, going along with your heart and all. The thing is, I can’t tell the difference between you two as a couple and you two as friends.”
“Because you are self-centered,” Joey pointed out.
“Because you don’t treat him any differently,” Keith corrected her. “See, my problem is that you’re leading him on. It’s confusing and uncomfortable for everyone involved. To you, Brendan is like a teddy bear. Now, in most relationships, that’s a compliment because they’re warm and cuddly and unable to hurt anyone. All traits he probably possesses.” Joey nodded cautiously. “However, it’s not so nice when you expect the stuffed animal to always be there whenever you need him, even if you stuffed it in a storage chest, and it isn’t expected to voice objections about anything.”
Joey tried to figure out that comparison. “Is that your way of saying that I don’t care about his well-being? It’s so not true.”
“Basically, yes. I’m not sure how strongly he feels about you but I am certain it’s greater than you give him credit for, because that’s the type of person he is. Brendan is rather guarded when it comes to his emotions, so when he does express himself, it comes out in strange ways. He was trying to pick a fight with me last night so that he wouldn’t anger you by beating up on Pacey.”
“Oh my God,” Joey exclaimed. “That is such bullshit! You’re blaming me for an argument you two had? Wow, talk about deflecting responsibility.”
“This isn’t about who’s at fault. The truth is you don’t know him! You refuse to see him as a real person. Nobody’s perfect. You put Pacey on a pedestal before and that blew up in your face come prom night.”
Joey’s mouth dropped, horrified he would dare throw the past back in her face. “How dare you!”
“You need to hear it. This living situation isn’t going to get any better for anyone involved until you and Brendan deal with the problems at hand. You’re in your fucking fantasy world, living in denial. A world in which, apparently, all the men bow at your feet. I don’t see how anyone can see you that way but it appears to be the prevailing sentiment.”
“The only problem between myself and Brendan right now is you.” She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to keep herself from attacking.
“Nope, you created this problem. You led him on, knowing that Pacey was the one you wanted.”
“That’s amusing. You just described exactly what you did to Audrey.”
Keith shook his head. “No, it’s not exactly the same. I know what happened with Audrey was wrong. So I deserve whatever she throws my way. You still haven’t figured out that playing the supposedly innocent tart who doesn’t mean for guys to fall in love with her and subsequently wreck their lives over it is not charming.” He stared right at her, refusing to back down. “You don’t scare me as much as you think.”
“I’ve known you were trouble all along. I’ve even let you screw around with my friends’ minds.” Joey forcibly shoved him against the car. Keith could feel the pain shooting up his back, amazed Joey had that much strength. “But I warned you the day we met not to mess with me. You might be able to fool Jen but your posturing means nothing to me,” then stormed off.
* * * * *
Brendan sat on the dock, staring out into the water. The sun glared in the sky, the wind brisk against the water. Even with his sunglasses on, it was still too harsh but it felt nice to have the weather tormenting. It effectively blocked out the headache.
“All sobered up?” Lisa asked, staring down at him.
“I have been for awhile.” He’d woken up that morning to find Audrey and Jen in the kitchen, waiting for Keith to return. They had guessed he was tracking Joey, a thought that would have been nauseating even without the hangover. Unfortunately, Brendan could recall everything he said the night before and was sure Keith was waiting to repeat it to her. He would have preferred the literal punch in the face to the figurative kind right now.
“Good, because you’ll get sick if you stay here much longer.”
“Don’t care.” A chill ran up his arm as if on cue. He pulled down on the sleeves of the coat to cover his hands, which of course weren’t covered since the gloves were in his room.
“Are you okay?” This time, she made it clear this wasn’t about the drinking.
“Fine,” he muttered, it an automatic reply to that question.
“Have you talked to Joey?”
“About what?”
“Investing in comic books.” He finally looked in her direction. She rolled her eyes, replying in exasperation, “Does she know you love her?”
Brendan was about to deny that but remembered he’d talked to Lisa when he was waiting to tell Pacey to confront Joey. “What’s the point?”
“It’s a big deal!”
“In case you haven’t noticed, Joey is with someone else. Very happy with an equally delighted someone else. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Right, because you want to stay friends with her,” Lisa snapped back.
“What is wrong with that?” He turned back to the water.
“You’re doing it so Joey doesn’t feel guilty. She should feel guilty!”
“No, she shouldn’t. She was in love with Pacey all along and there’s no point in disagreeing with that.” He adjusted the earpiece of his sunglasses, anything to not wince as he said that.
“Fuck Pacey. This is about you and her. Why do you have to accommodate her? Why do you have to pretend you don’t care if you two are no longer lovers? Why do you have to be perfect friend?”
“I’ve got a question to add. Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“Because I want you to admit that you hurt. That you are tired of putting up a front that you don’t give a damn. That you are sick of being rejected by people who are too stupid to realize you’re an amazing person.”
Even before Brendan faced her, Lisa knew that last comment went too far. Damn her for attempting to give a pep talk to the brokenhearted and unsuspecting crush. “What are you talking about?”
She had to back out of the stupid part of the statement, quickly. So she went along with the original point. “Look, I’m just saying that prior to last night, you were acting as if you didn’t want her to think that she could affect you. When really, it’s her loss.”
Brendan let out a cold laugh. “That’s almost believable, up to the part where Joey is concerned about anyone.”
“At this point, it doesn’t even matter what Joey thinks. I wish you could see that she’s an idiot…”
“Right, the whole world are a bunch of idiots,” Brendan snapped back, anger rising in his voice. “I too easily fell for her. You’re saying that’s not my fault? Sure, why don’t we go along with that. Let’s blame everyone else for my issues.” He jumped to his feet, wanting away from this conversation.
Lisa jolted up and rushed by his side as he tried to escape her. “I know I’m the wrong person to say this but it’s not necessary to be the perfect one.” He stopped in his tracks, staring down at the ground. She felt a little excited as she realized she’d finally hit the mark, then positioned herself in front of him as she continued, “Sure, it can be impressive on a first date but that doesn’t sustain a relationship. If you’d ever let Joey really know you instead of acting nonchalant about every little thing, it would have been easier. Because someday, you’ll find that person who feels strongly about you, despite your faults. The problem is there’s trial and error involved to get to that individual.”
Brendan took a deep breath, as he let Lisa’s words sink in. As much as he didn’t want to fall back to old habits, he had to remark, “Spoken by the gal who was dressed like Audrey less than twelve hours ago.”
She tried not to smirk as she recalled the ineffective makeover. “Yeah, well, that was a game of dress-up, not a permanent change. See?” She undid the buttons of her coat to reveal her usual sweater and jeans outfit. “It didn’t stick, in case you were hoping I’d change.” She lowered her head as she quickly closed the coat, not wanting to get cold.
“I wasn’t,” he muttered, not sure why that was calming.
Lisa gave a slight smile, then took off his sunglasses off and put them on his head. Brendan squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light, but he was looking right at her, lost as to how he’d ended up here. She asked again, “Are you okay?”
“Not really,” he replied honestly.
She grabbed hold of his hands, hoping her gloved hands could warm his up. “That’s a good first step.”
