Joey returned to the apartment later that night. She hoped she’d at least have the night to think of what to say.
That was quickly dashed when she unlocked the door to find the TV flashing images. The lights were out and the volume was low.
“What are you doing awake?” Joey asked. “Did you think I wouldn’t return?”
Brendan replied stoically, “Just catching up on stuff I taped during the week.” It was easier pretending he didn’t care whether Joey was out for the night or not.
Joey flicked on the lamp on the nearby table. “It’s easier to watch with some light.”
“I guess.” She sat down next to him on the couch, not wanting to wake up anyone with a loud fight. Maybe if they were close, the arguing would be at a low enough level so Audrey wouldn’t immediately pounce on her wanting details. “How was your night?”
“Why did you talk to Pacey?”
He stopped the tape and shut off the television, then turned her way. “Oh, so the dinner was about that. I thought it was only that serious in my overactive imagination.”
“I wish you hadn’t gone behind my back.”
He wasn’t going to have this turn around so Joey could blame him for whatever transpired. “I’m guessing he gave you some answers.”
“Yes, he did.”
When Joey didn’t elaborate, Brendan knew he’d have to say it. “Is Pacey still in love with you?”
Joey wished it wasn’t this difficult, yet it almost seemed too easy. “Yes,” her voice caught in her throat. She felt so horrible for saying this. Doubts were creeping in as she began having second thoughts. Past problems came back to her.
She turned away from him, not able to face what needed to happen next.
“Jo?” Brendan asked, concerned and confused. It seemed possible that it was just an obstacle. She wasn’t with Pacey right now, after all. He moved over to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “You can’t help how someone else feels. It’s not easy when you just don’t feel the same way…”
“I can’t do this anymore. I…still…love him. I never really stopped.” Her eyes welled up. “I wish there was a better way to deal with this but I… I shouldn’t have kissed him. I wish I hadn’t. I don’t even know if falling back into familiar routines is a wise move. There are times it feels too dangerous to return to that.” She was babbling at this point, too anxious about Brendan’s reaction.
Joey thought she would be prepared for any outcome, having broken up with enough guys. She wasn’t.
Brendan’s arm pulled her closer to him. Wasn’t this normally the moment when the guy lashed out? That’s what she’d learned from her experiences. There would be ultimatums (Dawson’s specialty), declarations (Pacey), goodbye letters (Eddie), tears... anything to try to keep the ending from occurring.
There was little she could do to remedy this. If Pacey wasn’t back in her life, maybe this would have gone on and she could have figured out if the relationship could have been more than a safety net.
Joey had her head buried in his black t-shirt, letting the tears and fears out as Brendan rubbed the back of her neck. He kept whispering, “It’ll be okay.”
When she finally felt better, Joey asked, “Why are you being so calm?”
“It must be difficult. You built this wall up and Pacey broke through.”
“You’re not leaving me?”
Brendan took a deep breath, allowing a whiff of her scent, knowing this was the last time he could get away with this. He ran his fingers through the hairs on the back of her neck. “No.”
Joey settled against his shoulder. “Is it weird that this feels as comfortable now as it had when we dated? As if we were always friends, just with different benefits attached.”
“Friends,” Brendan repeated as optimistically as he could muster. It was the same old story, one he had grown to despise more every time it was used.
It hurt more than Joey could possibly imagine at this moment. Every doubt he had was proven accurate. He hadn’t cared what Pacey felt, since he doubted Joey would return to that relationship until she felt similarly. The problem with that logic was that she had been smitten with Pacey all along.
“I am so glad I have you sticking by me,” Joey continued. “Pacey was a little concerned about this, but I was pretty sure there was nothing to worry about.”
Friends.
Too bad he had fallen for the girl. He couldn’t ask Joey to stay with him - not if she was in love with another man. Not if she never felt that strongly toward him.
It had been pathetic enough when he’d blindly confessed on the dance floor and she wasn’t able to at least say something back. The look on her face that day was closer to alarm than pleased.
“You have no idea how important this friendship is to me, after everything I went through with Dawson. It‘s quite encouraging.”
Friends.
The truth was he didn’t want to lose her. The only way that could happen would be if Joey never knew that she already had his heart. That it took every ounce of strength not to fall apart right there with her in his arms.
* * * * *
Audrey shut the apartment door carefully early the next morning and waited for the elevator to come up. Well, it was early to be awake on a Saturday, but Joey’s coat wasn’t there and Keith had been stuffing his backpack with books. He had mentioned something about a road trip but Audrey blocked him out after hearing Jen’s name.
Today was one of those days she didn’t really want to deal with her roommates. During the night, she had spotted Joey and Brendan on the couch in a tear-filled embrace. Or, she should say, Joey’s weepy display enough for both of them. It was safe to say that Pacey was at least partially responsible for Joey’s cries.
Now Audrey was stuck on the sidelines as her friends went through their own mini-dramas. It would have been nice if she had been the cause of any of that commotion. She suspected that wasn’t the case even though she had been dating one of those friends until about twelve hours ago.
She stepped in the creaky old elevator and headed down to the main level. When the doors opened and Audrey exited the building, she immediately saw a mound of red hair, a black scarf tied as a headband to keep her hair away from her face. Lisa Sheridan was sitting on the hood of her bright yellow sedan. Audrey smiled widely as she approached her.
Since Joey had her time occupied with school, waitressing, and juggling two guys, Audrey decided it was better to make new friends. She met Lisa after visiting Jack; Lisa was Pacey and Jack’s neighbor.
“Hey, sweetie,” Audrey called out to get Lisa’s attention.
“There you are. I thought I had the wrong place.” Lisa jumped off the car. “Jack invited me to a Halloween party here.”
“You were here?!” Audrey exclaimed. “I so wish we’d known each other then.”
Lisa grinned widely. “That would have been nice. I was too busy watching the guy holding the party from a distance.” She ducked away from Audrey’s eager grin and entered the driver’s side, then unlocked the passenger side for Audrey to enter.
“Okay, seriously? If we’re hanging out, you have to be more of an aggressor.”
Lisa shook her head. “The guy has enough relationship trouble without me thrown in. Anyway, I don‘t want to concern myself with him when there are many single guys at Worthington.”
It was then that Audrey connected that the guy who had held the party was a roommate. “You mean one of my guys? I live on the fourth floor with them.”
Lisa’s green eyes widened, horrified how close Audrey was to the object of her affection. She muttered, “I just gave you ammunition, didn’t I?”
Audrey replied, “I don’t know about you getting the guy you want. However, I can arrange it so that it would be difficult for him to keep his eyes off you. Plus, it will attract the attention of others, which is never a bad thing.”
Lisa started the car and pulled out of the lot. “I’m going to be sorry I ever met you, aren’t I?”
“Probably.” It didn’t even matter to Audrey which guy Lisa was interested in. The point was that the redhead would be irresistible to all and Audrey would go along for the ride.
* * * * *
Joey walked up the stairs to Pacey’s apartment. She had just been here last night, yet it felt so different. This time, she wasn’t a friend having dinner with a friend. It was…much more than that. Now that she fixed it so she could stay friends with Brendan, it was time give in to what she had wanted all along.
She knocked on the door, taking deep breaths. When Pacey opened the door, she knew for certain that she made the right choice. “What bring you…”
He was cut off as Joey shut him up with a kiss. “I thought you would want to know my answer.” Pacey didn’t immediately reply, which threw Joey off. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I thought I was dreaming that.” Pacey pulled Joey flush against him, holding her tight and not wanting to let go of her again. “Is this what you were hoping for?” He gazed down at Joey, this time able to take in her beauty without concern for her reaction. She nodded as he lowered his mouth to hers, properly kissing her.
* * * * *
Keith looked around the area Jen led him. It being Capeside, he expected the destination to be a port, a vacation home, maybe some restaurant. Not this. “A field?”
Jen laid the blanket on the ground, then both sat down and dropped their backpacks. It was an unusually warm November day, one that could be enjoyed outside. She looked around, realizing she hadn’t been here since graduation. Almost every other time, she was either alone or with Jack. It hardly startled her that Keith thought this place as nothing more than a section of the park.
She took in how little had changed in the spot, even as everything else in her world was getting twisted around. “Jack and I would come here often. It began when he moved into Grams’ house the summer before junior year. For the first time, I felt at ease with another person. There was no pressure to try to please, no threat of backstabbing. I didn’t care if I was single as long as he was around.”
Jen thought back to the one time that tranquility was disrupted. “There was this guy on the football team who had such a crush on me. Jack tried to arrange a date, using this place and without my knowledge. I was furious with him for ruining what had been my one safe spot. The one place where guys couldn’t wreck everything.” She chuckled to herself. “After that, it seemed there was little that could come between us. The field was back to being only the spot for the Will & Grace of the group.”
“Until today, I’m guessing.”
“You’re here because I couldn’t leave you in the car,” Jen joked lightly. “The accident shifted the dynamics of our little clique. Other than being slightly sore, I don’t feel much different.”
“Example?” he asked while picking blades of grass.
“Scott came over yesterday. I had a hunch Jack was withholding information because Scott would have visited earlier. I could tell he’s been suffering more than me, which doesn’t make sense based on the injuries alone. He’s physically, emotionally, and apparently financially drained. I’m not sure if he’s thinking clearly about settling out of the courts with the rich famewhore who hit us.”
Keith didn’t really think it was a poor decision based on his knowledge of Scott’s side of the situation. “Are you sure it’s for monetary reasons only?”
“It’s about how he’s only a few years older than me and yet thinks I’m a child! Jack doesn’t know yet so even Scott realizes this is an error. It’s sickening!”
“Maybe it’s easier for Scott to try to fix the situation quickly.”
“Fix it?!” Jen sputtered out, stunned Keith was justifying Scott’s behavior. “Do you realize this other driver is getting away without suffering anything?”
Keith tried to settle Jen down as he explained, “It’s not about revenge, Jen. It’s about returning to life before everything got turned upside down. This is the way Scott’s dealing.”
“Well, it’s not healthy!” Jen stood up, staring down at Keith seated on the blanket. His calmness was only annoying her more. “It’s only cleaning up the mess so everything appears picture perfect. I should figure you, of all people, would agree with this!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Keith hastily got to his feet, puzzled by Jen’s sudden shift in the conversation. He never suspected she was setting him up for a personal attack if he didn’t agree with her stance. That angry stare, in which her hazel eyes turned to near black, was back from hibernation.
“A week ago, you wished we never met. Now, you agree to drive out here so that you’re alone with me?! Your girlfriend is in Boston, probably still thinking you’re her one and only. This is so fucking false and I can’t figure out what you want.” There, she had brought out in the open what had lingered in the back of her mind. It may not have been the best move; in fact this already appeared to rank up there with her top guy-related blunders. At least there could no longer be any more misconceptions.
Jen wanted to provoke an argument like the one after the Halloween party, anything so that she could get angry with him. Keith was uninterested in letting her get what she wanted. It was useless to point out that Jen presumptuously suggested he drive her. He pointed out, “Maybe if you stopped convincing yourself that I’m always up to no good, you’d recognize it’s simpler than you imagined.” Keith broke eye contact from her and sat back on the blanket.
Her mouth dropped. No, there was no chance she would allow him to end this. She protested, “History dictates…”
Keith cut her off before she could unleash her fury, “Our history or your history with guys?”
She exhaled loudly, letting out her frustration. “Guys. You are all the same. There’s always a motive. There’s no money involved here, no possible way I can help you, so there’s only one possible incentive. Sex. Why else would you hang around me if it isn’t sex you’re after?”
It was tense as she waited for Keith to answer. He had his head buried in his hands, completely exasperated with her. Good.
Now, why the hell did she feel the need to do that?
He was supposed to be with Audrey. That’s right, had to keep that in mind. Keith Stafford was still a slithering snake, still stringing two ladies around. She was proud of the alliteration she could think of even while justifying misplaced anger.
Jen spun around, intending to stalk away, when she received her reply, in a nervous voice she barely recognized. “I thought you wouldn’t make it out of the crash alive.”
Screeching halt. He was worried about her? Jen walked around the blanket, standing in front of his slouched-over figure. “You what?”
Keith glanced up at Jen, then reverted his eyes back to the grass. He hurriedly spoke, “The early news was grim. Then Scott entered the waiting room after being released from the hospital and you could see that image of death looming in his eyes.”
“Of course I’d survive,” Jen exclaimed, her voice filled with fake bravado. “The world can’t get rid of me that easily.” She sat down across from him.
“Do you have any idea what that feels like? It’s haunting. I saw Scott briefly the night of the accident. He thought you were dead, or at least scarred for life. I was already having doubts about your well being, had been since the moment I found out. Your words from the last argument echoed in my head.”
“Haven’t we established that I jumped to conclusions? I couldn’t have been more misguided.”
“Not about the information. That…that if I wasn’t careful, I’d end up alone. You were right to say that I do fear that. Brendan is like a brother, so I suppose there’s him, though I’d deny that if asked in front of him. Then there’s Audrey, but there really isn’t since I can’t talk to her about anything without pretending I don’t care what happened. Thankfully, you survived, so there was a chance of mending what we had before the mix-ups.
Jen pulled her knees to her chest and set her head against them, watching him. “How does Audrey feel about this epiphany?” surprised how harsh she sounded given that she meant it as a simple question.
“She broke up with me, even without that realization.” Keith shrugged. “That’s for the best. It doesn’t really matter since I stopped paying attention to her.” He peeked up at her, seeing that trace of resentment still persisting. “There wasn’t any manipulation. I simply forgot about Audrey as I focused on helping you.”
“I didn’t say you did.” She called his actions false, so she actually had said that. “Never mind. None of this information is important to me, anyway.” It was a trigger, now that she was acutely aware she wasn’t the only one thinking of this as less than platonic.
“Why are you now getting defensive? You should have kicked me out of your house days ago if you felt I wasn’t worth it.”
Jen refuted, “It was the painkillers talking. Now I’m thinking clearly.” She sat up straight, folding her hands together to bring her legs closer. She didn’t want to give in to her possible weakness, that of fleeing when a potential love interest got too close. “I’m not interested in you. That’s the ego convincing you that every woman is attracted to you.”
“Okay, first of all, I don’t think that. You’re twisting around everything so that I’m in the wrong.” Keith took a deep breath, needing to figure out why she was doing this. She’d been fishing for excuses when she thought he’d lied to Grams and Jack about his family. Was she…no, that wasn’t possible. “Since I was in a relationship, of sorts, it was safe? But now, it isn’t?”
“Haven’t we already pursued this path? That is a road we’re not traveling down over and over again.”
“Oh. You mean the boardwalk.” It didn’t need to be a question, it just a shock that night was causing the problems.
Jen nodded, reminding him, “There was no Audrey then.”
“It can’t be forgotten. I realize that. Believe me, I had wished then I could.”
“Had? As in you no longer think…” Jen stared down at her hands, shaking her head while fumbling around with the rings on her fingers. “You don’t, that’s dumb.”
“It is dumb.” He clasped his hands over her fidgeting hands. “How could I possibly mean it? That I thought then you were the most amazing women I’d ever met, even though we barely knew each other? That I panicked because you knew more than I’d ever want anyone to know me? That, maybe I still think you’re incredible, even after repeatedly facing your fury?”
Jen slowly raised her head, not sure what she’d face. Keith was glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, not sure if it was safe. She smiled, thinking she needed to stop fighting her attraction. “I think we’re both guilty of mixed signals.”
Keith chuckled. “We should be a little less subtle.” With that, he reached over and kissed her, a soft sweep over her lips. He backed a few inches away, waiting to see Jen’s reaction.
Jen responded by drawing in closer and attacking her mouth to his. She dropped one hand onto the grass to keep balance while resting the other on his shoulder as they deepened the kiss.
It would have become more but a clicking sound caught Jen’s attention. Jen realized what the sound was a second before the spray from the sprinkler hit, wetting them both. She couldn’t help but laugh, having to break away from him and ruin the moment.
Keith squinted, trying to see through the water at her. “What is so funny?”
“It’s just appropriate. I can’t explain it.” She struggled to catch her breath, sure Keith didn’t find this as amusing as she did. “Just trust me when I say that it was destined to be interrupted. Let’s get this stuff back in the car.” She grabbed her backpack, then said in a low, sultry voice, “We’ll continue our discussion there.”
