Drifting Back - 10 - When There's No More Fight Left
Drifting Back
Chapter 10 - When There's No More Fight Left
Audrey came home Friday night, shopping bags in her arms. Keith was standing in the kitchen, pacing back and forth, as he waited for the ding of the microwave.
“Hey. Long time no see.”
"Hello, Audrey," Keith murmured absently. “Did you have dinner yet?”
Audrey was starving, that was why she was here. She was too tired to make dinner so she was going to ask Joey to eat out with her. While Keith’s offer of having dinner was tempting, she was aware of what his version of cooking entailed. “That depends. Are you still eating those frozen burritos?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’m not hungry.” Audrey sat at the counter. “Seriously, those things are gross. Why eat tasteless crap like that when you could splurge on Taco Bell?” The microwave bell went off and Keith took out the plate holding them. “I don’t understand how guys will eat absolutely anything as long as it hasn’t turned green.”
“You can either have one and harp about it or not and shut up about microwave food. It’s not like I give you grief about putting ketchup on everything so the least you can do is not ruin my dinner.”
“Okay.” Audrey agreed, zipping her mouth shut. “Though I am determined about you having a real meal.”
Keith rolled his eyes, sitting down across from Audrey. She made a disgusted face as he bit into the burrito. Rather than continue the food discussion, he said, “I haven’t seen you much this week. What have you been up to?”
“The usual. Classes, friends, shopping,” pointing to the bags she dropped.
“Why do I suspect the order is from lowest to highest importance for you?”
Audrey ignored his guess, desperate to ask him a question. One particular question that had plagued her for the past week. “Do you think of us as a real couple?”
He dropped the burrito on the plate. “Audrey…”
“I’m hoping the answer is ‘no’ because you have a funny way of showing it if it’s ‘yes’.”
He had barely thought about Audrey all week, which he felt a little guilty about. She hadn’t harped on the lack of attention, which was surprising given the person. “I hope you realize that wasn’t the intention. There’s just been so much happening lately.”
“I know,” she admitted. “The sad part is that doesn’t bother me. Don’t get me wrong, I was irritated at first. But I’ve grown to accept this is not worth the trouble.”
“Now you’ve confused me.”
“How do you feel about Jen?” It wasn’t accusatory, just knowing questions needed to be addressed.
“Jen?” Keith shook his head. “I’m being a friend to her. The visits aren’t anything special, just…”
Audrey cut him off. “Please don’t turn this around to me being jealous. We’re not participating in that game any longer. I was with you last Friday. You can’t tell me the accident didn’t trigger something deeper about Jen. It was already there and I ignored the voice in my head telling me not to get involved with a guy attracted to someone else. So just tell me the truth, for once. Do you love her?”
“Absolutely not!” The response was automatic and defensive. She was sure he hadn’t even thought about the reply, as thinking could change the answer.
“I’m breaking up with you regardless of the answer,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Because either way implies that you don’t give a damn about me. I don’t mind being your friend but if I was really your girlfriend then you are the worst when it comes to treating women right. It will be easier if I realize there was another woman all along.”
Keith leaned back in the chair, staring at the ceiling. There was no way around it - he had used Audrey to get his mind off of Jen. That much he was aware - the kiss at the Halloween party was about Jen and that had been true all along. Since then, he’d managed to push that thought out of his mind as he tried to pursue a relationship with Audrey “I don’t know if I love her. I can say that I do think about her more than I probably should. Maybe it’s a crush. I just know that, right now, I want to prove I’m not the jackass she pictured before the accident.” He shrugged, not sure he’d actually accomplished that yet. “At least now she doesn’t hate me.” That he was certain of, otherwise she would have thrown him out of Grams’ house a couple visits ago.
Audrey rested her elbows on the counter, her palms together, as she bought some time. “You really don’t know?” she asked softly. “I thought as soon as you met her there were sparks.”
“I don’t believe there’s such a thing as love at first sight. Lust, yes, not love.” He wished Audrey would stop talking about this.
“I’m not so sure about that. I mean, yes, what it was when you and I first met? Totally lust. But my high school boyfriend Chris? We were set up on a blind date and I was gone. I was head over heels in love with the guy from the moment he walked in.” Audrey rose from her seat and headed to the phone. “The strange thing is that I believe you believe that. You really don’t recognize being in love so it’s difficult for me to get mad about this.” The piece of paper flapping on the table annoyed her so she picked it up and announced, “Joey wanted us to know she’s having dinner at Pacey’s and that I shouldn’t wait around for her.”
Relieved for the change of subject, Keith pointed out, “You two were the ones heading out for dinner. I think she meant for only you to know that.”
“Well, I’m interpreting this as Pacey’s cooking for our Joey. That’s not good news.”
“It’s probably more than just them anyway. Jack is home and he may have invited guests…”
Audrey rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. This is meant as a dinner date. Oh come on, you’re no fun. Remember, you bet on this week.”
“I took myself out of the betting pool ages ago.” The moment he was alone with Audrey after finding out about Joey and Brendan, to be exact. He was certain of that.
“But you never got back the money you put in, as per my rules,” Audrey replied enthusiastically. “That means you’re in for a large payday.”
“Keep the money. I don’t feel right about it, if it in fact happens this week.” He wished he knew more about the situation. Unfortunately, most of the information was from Joey’s point of view. Not necessarily from Joey as much as her friends. Brendan hadn’t once come to talk to him about Joey, which suddenly had him concerned. Keith couldn’t imagine the situation was as messed up as Audrey claimed.
“Your loss, my gain.” Audrey dropped the note back on the table. “Since Joey isn’t around, if you want to join me for dinner…”
“Despite your belief to the contrary, this,” holding up the plate, “is my dinner. Besides, I’m heading over to Jen’s. She asked for help in chemistry so don’t return to your musings about being in love and drivel like that.”
“Help in chemistry,” Audrey mused sarcastically as she rose from her seat. “You set that one up too easily for me.”
* * * * *
Jen walked down the block to her and Grams’ house. She was returning from Boston Bay, her first day back at the college. She didn’t actually have classes on Friday, it normally a day she worked at the school. This was the day to find out exactly how far behind she’d gotten. Midterms had finished prior to the accident so there wasn’t too much pressure to catch up on the reading. There wasn’t such a luxury in the chemistry class, where there was homework and lab, so that was priority.
She reached the path leading up to the door and saw a figure sitting on the porch. At first, she assumed Keith was early but the brown leather jacket and dark hair peeking out of the hat gave away it was the wrong person.
“Scott?” she called out as she walked up to the porch. She was surprised, given he’d been dodging her all week.
He rose from the chair to greet her. “Jen. Hi.”
She wanted to give him a hug but she remembered just in time his jacket concealed the sling. So she joked, “I guess we both skipped work today.”
Scott offered a slight smile. “Is it weird that I wish I wasn’t?”
Jen nodded. “Me too.” She took out her keys. “Come in.”
They settled in the living room, Jen taking his jacket and hat. She could see Scott’s hand peeking out from the blue mesh of the sling, faint scars along his fingers. Both of them had scrapes on their faces from the flying glass, it feeling like an emblem signifying they were in the same accident. She could feel Scott inconspicuously examining her in a similar way.
When he realized Jen was inspecting, Scott quickly looked away. “I’m sorry about not returning your calls. Jack shouldn’t be playing messenger.”
Jen was relieved Scott wasn’t trying to ignore the distance between them. “So that means he told you I was angry about you being a no-show at the hospital.”
“Yeah. Jack and I fought over that prior to his visit. I just couldn’t set foot in that place again.”
“I’ve been out of there for four days,” Jen replied simply. She was aware that others had seen him around. He’d even gone out of his way to go alone to the apartment to see Joey and Audrey. So it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see anyone, only her.
“The last time I saw you was when you were knocked out. I’ve been replaying the accident numerous times, both in my head and to file the necessary paperwork.”
Jen offered, “I was meaning…”
Scott talked over her, needing to say everything immediately before he lost courage. “Which kind of leads me to why I’m here. I was on the phone with the other driver today. One of the cops had called earlier asking about bringing up charges against him because of the severity of the accident. If these charges leak out, the gossip columns would have a field day with the guy.”
Jen’s eyes widened. “You mean the guy is someone important?”
“Not really. I was told he’s on one of those reality shows. He thinks he can jumpstart his acting career if he participates.” Scott rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think much of the guy. I remembered hearing him negotiate with the cops at the scene of the accident, while you were still stuck in the car!”
“That sleazy bastard. Let me guess, he walked away without a scratch.”
“Of course. I have this urge to punch his smug face so he’d have to remember what he did.”
Jen chuckled at the image. “You wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
“You’re right. I should wait until my shoulder heals. I have very little power with the other side.” Scott threw a punch in the air to demonstrate. “See? Not much oomph.” He cleared his throat before continuing, “He’s offering me a sizable sum to not follow through with the charges.”
“Money isn’t everything,” Jen pointed out. If there was one thing she learned from her parents’ failed marriage, it was that. “The schmuck should be held responsible for his actions! Never mind a criminal charge, even a civil suit would ruin a guy like him.” She was feeling the thrill of dragging down a fool.
“In theory, I agree. But…I don’t think it’s worth it.”
“You’re accepting this offer?” she exclaimed.
“There are other factors involved. The insurance companies are haggling over the details and it’ll be five weeks before I’ll know if the shoulder has healed properly. There’s no money coming in from work and a car needs to be replaced. My finances weren’t in the best of shape before this, with Sarah’s little fender benders adding up. If you were in worse health, of course I’d want him to suffer the trial. Personally, however, I want this horror to end.”
Jen didn’t particularly like Scott being a hypocrite. “You’re going to hate yourself for this decision.” It didn’t actually involve her, so she wasn’t interested in arguing with his decision.
“Better than having to deal with this over and over.”
“Did you tell Jack?”
“Why, so you two can gang up on me?” Scott stood up quickly. “No thanks. I don’t need both of you thinking I’m an idiot for this choice. I thought you might understand why I don’t want to go through with a trial. I can see that was an error in judgment.”
Jen watched as he slipped his good arm in the jacket sleeve then draped the other side over his shoulder. She couldn’t figure out what happened to make him so cold all of a sudden. It felt like he had been talking down to her, as though she was a little kid. That, if he had even bothered to face her while giving that information, it would have been the look teachers give unmanageable students when enforcing rules. “Why did you come over if you didn’t want my input?”
“I thought you could be a little supportive. I guess we were in two different accidents.”
* * * * *
“Hi Pacey,” Joey said shyly as soon as Pacey opened the door.
“Ah, my first customer. Come in.” He invited her over under the ruse of testing his cooking skills. Eventually, they could get to the point of this evening, but he could be sure the beginning would be enjoyable. “May I take your coat?”
Joey giggled as she handed him her black peat coat, revealing a beige v-neck sweater and brown pants. “Thank you, sir.” When she told him about this idea earlier in the day, she had to admit she was overly excited about the idea. She shouldn’t be, after all, this was a dinner. A dinner with a guy - yeah, this could easily be misconstrued as something more. Seeing him dressed in a denim shirt and khakis, she was relieved they both saw the evening as nothing special.
“I admit, it’s rather simple, since I haven’t gotten the hang of serious cooking yet. But I’m improving.” He hung her coat behind the door and led her into the kitchen.
Joey was surprised at how clean the place was from the last time she’d been there. “What happened? Did you seduce a maid into tidying up?”
“No. Well, actually, I didn’t do the seducing. Scott had nothing better to do so he volunteered to come over yesterday.”
“He was that bored?”
Pacey held out a chair at the table, Joey nodded and sat down. “Unfortunately, yeah. Jack returned and I immediately left. I don’t know the form of payment.”
Joey chuckled, taking in the two settings at the table. “What are the specials?”
“We will start with a Caesar salad, followed by chicken Marsala with linguini. A side of broccoli and garlic bread finish off the meal. Like I said, it’s not a big deal…”
“No, no,” Joey cut him off. “This is the beginning of you becoming a cook. It’s exciting. I’m so proud of you.”
Pacey turned back to the macaroni heating up on the stove, not wanting her to see him beaming with pride. “Thanks.”
* * * * *
Two hours, empty plates, half-filled glasses of wine and several safe topics of conversation later…
Pacey and Joey were settled on the couch, both too full to want to move. Now was Pacey’s chance. Now or never. “Maybe there was a second reason for tonight. You had asked me a question weeks ago which I never properly answered.”
Joey gulped. She couldn’t help but wonder if the question was the one she kept contemplating. “What is it?”
“You asked me if you were easy to fall out of love with. I kind of avoided an answer because…” He saw Joey’s intent eyes on him and forced himself to get the words out. “I’m still in love with you.”
“You…” Words failed Joey, as it was the right question and an even better response.
He didn’t like the silence currently filling the air so he continued this declaration. That way, if he was making a fool of himself, it was out all at once. “I never really stopped after leaving Capeside. I didn’t think at the time I was any longer worthy of feeling that way, given the way I treated you at prom. But I’ve realized there are certain things you have to learn to accept. I don’t intend to wreck the life you’ve built in Boston, which is why I kept that from you. I’m at the point where I no longer care if you feel the same way.”
“Pacey, you could have said so earlier.”
“Right. That wouldn’t have been the least bit awkward,” he replied sarcastically.
It took Joey awhile to figure out a way to respond. The first thought that came to mind was a temporary delay. “What made you finally speak up? If you supposedly aren’t concerned which way I feel, it doesn’t make sense to say anything now.”
“I heard it was important for you to know the truth. That way, there was no uncertainty.” Joey wondered how it was possible he found out about her worries. She couldn’t see anyone she’d confided in discussing this with him. Bessie and Audrey had been quite effective in not leaking important information over the years. “I see the crinkles in your forehead. This isn’t good.”
“It’s both the best and worst possible news.”
“How so?”
“It clears up doubts. Suspicions were proven correct. I’m somewhat relieved about that. But…it’s the worst because you may not be the only one who hasn’t let go. That I may still love you as well.”
“Really?” Maybe he believed that she felt that way all along. Still, hearing her admit it was a surprise. “I know we’ve made mistakes in the past so if you don’t think it’s worth pursuing this again, I can understand.” Pacey leaned in to kiss her cheek, meant to be an innocent gesture, but Joey held him in place when he tried to pull away.
“Actually, it doesn’t make sense.” She dropped her hand on top of Pacey’s. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t try this again.” She tilted her head to kiss him fully on the lips. Pacey responded by grabbing her bottom lip with his mouth.
It felt like an awakening for Joey. There had been other guys in the time since she and Pacey last kissed but none felt this good. She treasured this familiar taste.
* * * * *
Jen knew this situation should have felt more awkward. She tried to concentrate on the textbook but she’d keep remembering that Keith was sitting right next to her at the desk.
She wished Grams wasn’t preparing goodies for a bake sale tomorrow morning. It was torturous to the senses. It clearly affected Grams’ common sense, as it was she who suggested Jen hold the study session in her bedroom.
Then again, it wasn’t like anything was going to happen beyond studying. Keith had visited almost every day since the accident, whether at the hospital or here at the house. Jen was baffled by the sudden change in his demeanor but she didn’t want to analyze. Not when she enjoyed the bond they were beginning to share. If she thought too much about the real reasons, these visits would probably end.
She was supposed to be reading the text but since she wasn‘t able to concentrate, it was time to change the subject. “Seriously, did you read the book you gave me at the hospital?”
Keith had been reading over his organic chemistry notes, as much to help Jen as to catch up in his own classes. It took a moment for him to register what she’d said. “Why do you ask?”
“That’s not the new book. You had to have searched for it.” She meant the question to sound innocent but she wondered why it was so difficult to admit there was a reason behind the choice.
“What’s the difference?”
Jen whacked him with her notebook. “You’re being a pest. I’m asking because I thought it could provoke a discussion when I finish. That is, if you have any clue what you chose.”
Silently relieved that this wasn’t a test, he used his pen to point to her textbook. “You’re supposed to be focusing on your studies.”
“Fine,” she huffed out as a reply, resuming reading.
Keith watched her skimming the pages of the book. The rare chance to observe her without being creepy won out over schoolwork.
Maybe Audrey was right about him being in love with Jen. He wasn’t sure if that’s what was happening. The last week had been so chaotic that he hadn’t had time to think. There would be occasional moments when he’d swear Jen wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. Then again, anything was better than the glower present much of the time prior to the accident.
After this study session, Keith figured Jen would need the rest of the weekend to catch up in her other classes. Even though he supposed he should do that as well, what he needed was to get away from here. Nothing serious, just a day away from the situation.
“To figure out the number of molecules needed for this reaction to take place…” Jen looked in Keith’s direction, to find him watching her, looking rather dazed. “You need to count the number of dust particles in Grams’ closet.”
“Yeah…what?” He blinked quickly. Jen laughed as he struggled to return to reality.
“Why were you looking at me like that?” She had a suspicion that he’d been looking her way since she started reading again. Though it could have been her imagination, she wondered if it was possible that she wasn’t the only one feeling strangely about tonight.
“I was?” Jen nodded. Keith turned away from her, getting uncomfortable with the way Jen was trying to interpret him. “I must have spaced out. I can’t seem to focus tonight.”
Jen didn’t want to pry, but she had to admit it was fun to see him off balance. It reminded her of the night they spent on the boardwalk, before Keith botched it up by covering his tracks. That night, he’d been drunk, miserable… and afraid of what he might do when around her, which she had to admit was the biggest turn-on. “What’s on your mind?”
The wrong answer would be her, that much he was certain. “That I need to get away from the city.” At least it was the truth.
It wasn’t exactly the answer she was hoping for, but it actually didn’t sound so bad. Jen had to admit that she missed the fresh air of small town living. There were times she wished she had her own car, instead of scrounging for time behind the Gramsmobile, so she could experience more. Or at the very least, return to Capeside without needing the excuse of a special occasion. “Actually, that’s a good idea. We should do that.” Her mouth clearly not concurring with her brain.
“We?” Keith as stunned as Jen by the sentence.
She had to carry through with this idea. “I know a place. It’s relaxing. I spent many a summer day there. Maybe we’ll even get some of this reading done there.”
“You gave up on tonight?”
“We’re both too tired to deal with this.” Maybe the better word would have been distracted but there was no reason to tell him that. “First thing tomorrow morning, we’ll drive there. How does that sound?”
He had wanted time away to think about the situation with her. So naturally, his reply was, “Sure thing.”
* * * * *
Pacey pulled away from the kiss, teasing her by asking, “You may still love me?”
She knew he meant to lighten the moment but it only served to remind why this shouldn’t happen. “I can’t do this.” Joey pulled away from him. She sat at the opposite end of the couch, dropping her head in her hands.
“You were the one who kissed me. As much as I agree with it, that was your decision.” He tried to keep from sounding disappointed.
“I’m aware. But I shouldn’t have. Not right now. I won’t cheat on Brendan. That would be wrong.” Joey stood up, getting as much distance from him as possible. She leaned against the coffee table.
Pacey slunk back on the couch. Why did Joey have to be right? Brendan had been kind enough to talk to him about this situation. It’s not like he had given permission to kiss the girl. “You’re, unfortunately, right.”
“We were supposed to be this light, carefree couple. No feelings hurt…”
“But then he found out that you may have wanted this to happen between us,” Pacey finished.
“What?” Joey exclaimed. “I have never said that! I never claimed I wanted us to get back together, especially not to him!”
“He came to me about your relationship woes. So either you told him or it’s painfully obvious to those around you.”
Joey shook her head, confused. Technically, both were at the Halloween party. However, the idea of those two meeting to discuss her seemed to defy logic. “Are you telling me that Brendan talked to you about me?”
“Yes.”
“That’s impossible! Isn’t it?”
Pacey threw up his hands, tired of Joey doubting this. “It happened.”
“I believe you. It doesn’t make any sense.” She walked across the living room to get her coat. “I have to talk to him.”
“Before you leave, can we make this clear?” Joey stopped in her tracks and turned back to face him. “You love me…correction, you may love me. You’re not running away from us, right?”
“Yes, Pacey. I just need to do this first so we have a clean slate.” Joey slipped into her coat. She was about to leave when it hit her what he thought she was doing. She kidded, “We can’t have the significant other interfering. Those type of ghosts can ruin even the best of relationships.”
Pacey broke into a smile. “I couldn’t agree more with that.”
