Somebody Else's Space Program
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Chapter Eighty Five "Who can escape you, who can help
Longing for you..."
"You know I can't live up here with you, love."
Ross sighed. "I know. You belong to your people. I'm astonished you are letting me go. Isn't one of your duties keeping the Auryn Rhos contained?"
Envyss's hand on Ross's cheek was infinitely tender, as if he would bruise at any heavier touch. "My duties including keeping you alive. And as comfortable as possible. Are you planning to run off to one of the other colonies?"
"No. They might actually make me work for a living. I feel like retiring, maybe finally catching up on my reading."
Envyss shook his head. "You just want to be up where the tests are going on. If Adibud-Dha's figures work out the way she says..."
"The Solar System will be entirely open to us."
"And perhaps beyond."
---
Ross floated near the viewport, tried to see the test platform. Not from this office, no luck. The medical officer, his foot tucked into a strap on the wall to anchor himself, made notes. Ross turned and tried to see the record. "How am I doing?"
"You are never going to be able to go home."
"I knew that, because of the bone mass loss from my extended stay in free fall. But my heart?"
"Has been healing. If nothing else goes wrong, you're good for years."
Looking out the viewport again. At a big blue and white globe. His home was beyond the terminator, but that didn't matter. Envyss was there, he was here. "Thank you, Doctor."
---
"You're supposed to _warn_ me when you're coming up for a visit!"
"I don't always make it when I plan to -- I'd rather surprise you."
A long embrace, Ross managed to anchor them instead of bouncing around into things. "Have they tried to get you married yet?"
"Josgoroth mentioned it, once. Then I started to appear at court as Stavehleth, and everyone shut up. I'm yours. The world knows it."
"The outfit's that conspicuous?"
Envyss laughed, "The watchers at the court can tell if one inch of embroidery has been added to an old robe. The stavehleth's clothing has very specific symbols, mine more than most."
"Leaving a great problem for the next stavehleth. What if I don't like him?" Ross grinned.
"The older, unmated, versions are in storage. And I think the problem will be the other way. I will be very annoyed if I have to claim a girl. I'm a little old to change."
Ross's laugh was a bit nervous. "Have... they ... ever died at the same time?"
"Certainly. At least once, it was assassins." Envyss looked around, "I don't think that is going to happen here, unless someone blows up the station."
"Who teaches them about the rose, then?"
"The documents are there. Each stavehleth keeps a journal. The rose does not -- or if they do, they don't tell _us_."
Ross shook hs head. "Just my normal journal. And I don't put things like that into it. Test schedules. Something I can hand to my assistant to take over." He pulled back a bit, looked at Envyss. "Am I allowed to read what you've written about me?"
"The official parts, sure. My private journal... yes, of course. I didn't bring it with me this time. Should I ship it up with the next supply rocket?"
"Ah... Do you trust it in someone else's hands? Even sealed?"
"Truthfully, no. But I will do it if you ask it of me."
"Is it all in one book? All forty years?"
"There are whole years that are blank. I didn't take the journal to school with me -- it would have been perfect evidence against me."
Ross smiled, "Is that the part I want to read?"
"I'm working on book three now. Book one is the most lascivious..." Envyss reddened a little. "I wanted you so much, and I was contantly rehearsing things to tell you. I was scared you'd get tired of me. Since I was a kid."
"Does the rose ever get tired of his keeper?"
"Often enough. The gods don't pick us for compatability. They pick the keeper for ... well, I would call it adherence to duty. Which the rose interprets as obnoxious meddling. We're supposed to find ways to cut back on that. So the official journals are full of quarrels and arguments, with suggestions on how to avoid them."
"Really? I don't remember that we quarrelled that much."
"I did my homework. The worse mistake seems to be pushing a doubting rose into a public role. I didn't do that."
"Are there some roses who enjoy the role?"
"Yes. Some love the attention, especially the ladies. Your men seem to think of the word 'rose' as too feminine to be comfortable with."
"That part didn't bother me. Except when you tried to put me into a dress." Stop... "You said something about the Aurhyn Rhos? That her dress fit me, and was she really a woman? Were there others who hid what they were?"
"Some. The records cover a hundred years, Ross. There's something of _everything_. The twins were interesting. We never figured out which one was the actual rose, so we carried both of them off."
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One of the joys of microgravity is sleeping in someone's arms without any bits falling asleep from the weight. Envyss held Ross, his cheek against the top of the older man's head. "I worry about you. I worry that some morning I'll be awakened with a message that you're gone."
"I almost was, that once. That's why I'm up here." A wry smile, "If you really believe the story about the rose, you should be wishing for me to die and be reborn. If I don't die soon, you'll be too old to enjoy the new one."
"I have just enough doubt not to want to risk you. That will happen soon enough."
"And what about the reverse? You're the one riding up and down here on tons of high explosive. What happens if you die? What am I supposed to do?"
"When. Not if. We are mortal, my love. I am going to die. Hopefully not for years, though. As to what you are supposed to do... You do not have to search as far. The stavehleth is born into the royal family, one year after the old one dies. One of my cousins can do the actual search for you, since you're trapped up here."
"Not trapped. Voluntary exile. To save my life."
"To drive me crazy, being able to see and hear you but not touch and taste and smell."
---
"There's one thing you never mentioned. What if you don't know when the rose died? The companion would be easier --- just keep track of anyone born about the right time, in the right family. But if you had to hunt the whole world for a blond child, not knowing exactly which one..."
"We wait. And we listen for the voice. You always have that voice."
"And have to explain, over and over."
"Yes. Of course, the jewels help. The little girls really like the jewels."
"Jewels?" Ross pulled back, took his partner's shoulders and shook him. "You didn't tell me there were supposed to be jewels in the bargain."
Envyss laughed. "We funded your space program. _You_ are the most expensive rose we have ever had. And worth every copper of it."
"Is that how Jheraind was intending to keep me?"
"What he had planned worked. First the cars, then schooling, then the rockets. Golden chains on you."
"And if I say 'enough' now? If I want out?"
"How far are you going to run? If you land on Earth again, you will die within a month. But keeping you in orbit is expensive. If you decide to stop being who you are, who will pay?"
"That's blackmail."
"No. Bribery, perhaps. Ross, there isn't anything here that is so disagreeable that you want to try to hide from us, is there?"
"I'm just tired. Tired of being alone so much of the time."
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