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To My darling Son Michael Well, its now 7 years today. And today seems just as hard as the day we lost you. I have been doing so well, and was beginning to think I was over the worse. But I Suppose these days are always going to be hard. I know everyone thinks of me, and Worries about me. But I just need to be on my own! Is that too much to ask? I can�t explain my feelings, numbness, emptiness, selfish, snappy, bitter, regret, Anger Is just a few. Maybe I try to hide my feelings to much? Maybe if people knew how I truly felt, they might understand? But how can they? When they have never lost Someone as special as you. I feel like I just want to hibernate, to forget all that has happened and wake up to find It has all been an awful nightmare. But that is never going to happen. Somehow I have To learn to deal with it. And to a certain degree, I am. I can talk about you, think of you, Even laugh about you. I am remembering all the good memories I have of you. And that�s nice. That�s what I want. I don�t want to keep remembering the bad things Of how much pain you must have been in, the fact I wasn�t there when you needed me, Or the flashbacks of the accident in my mind! I want to be able to erase the image of you I have in my mind, of you lying in that Hospital bed. I want to remember you as the cheeky lad you were, with that glint In your eyes, and that cheeky smile. I have to try and stop thinking of what you would be like today, and all the what onlys? You were my life! And my life is empty without you. Kate makes me so proud, and I�m so thankful for her. She has a boyfriend Oli, who you Would have loved to go drinking with and to have played snooker etc. I know Kate and Dad miss you just as much as I do. Kate and Oli socialise with us Quite a bit, we go down the club, out for meals etc... It was my dream for my kids To come out with us as friends, instead of our children. To all be able to go on holiday etc. But that will never be now, I know you are looking down on us and smiling, and we are Smiling with you Michael. Love and Miss you Always Your loving Mum xxxx |
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