Untitled Mike Redding Film
Written by: Michael Redding
Ted Marsh is an ordinary kid in an ordinary town where nothing out of the ordinary has happened his whole life…That is until they have a summer which they will never forget. Ted and his best friends Squirly, Jim, Hendrix, Doug and Steve have anything but the ordinary happen to them as they plan an event so huge it could attract their idol Mr. T to the town.
CAST
Starring
Mike Redding Ted Marsh
Tim Redding Squirly
Leon Keefer Jim Biggs
Pat Woodruff Doug Putoby
Joe Dawicki Hendrix
Karl Ackermann Stan Thompson
Chuck Buxton Steve Putoby
SCRIPT
(Ted is Sleeping in his Room when all of a sudden Squirly enters the room and wakes up Ted by rubbing his face with a banana)
Squirly: Come on rise and shine Sunshine its time to go hooter hunting!
Ted: Dude what the hell you doing coming in my room at 10 am talking about hooters and rubbing a banana in my face, listen I don't know what you have planned for today but uh keep me out of it.
Squirly: Haha good one fruity, but today is the greatest day, Dude did you forget that today is April fools day and we have yet to pull a prank on anyone. That's why I have the banana with me. Were gonna go down to old man Benidicts house and go in his owl cage and shove bananas in their asses.
Ted: Even as tempting as that sounds there is no prank involved in that you retard.
Squirly: Yeah there is, Old man Benidict hates when people fondle his hooters. And tell me this my friend what better way to start off April Fools Day then by sticking a banana in an owls ass.
Ted: Nah im gonna have to pass on this one.
Squirly: Suit yourself Turd knocker, then im gonna go stop up Jim's house and I'm sure he wouldn't mind doing that.
Ted: Jim does whatever you say. He's attatched to your ass 24/7, Hell ill tell you if he could be surgically attacted to your ass he would be. He would even help wipe your ass if you let him.
Squirly: Even so he's still a pretty cool guy, Im gonna go now, Meet me up at 7/11 in like an hr and a half we will pick up girls or eat or both hahaha if ya get me.
Ted: Okay can do, first ill go pick up Hendrix and we will meet you there at lets say…12:30
Squirly: Sure thang fruit booty, Well I best be on my way.
Ted: Later
(TED CALLS HENDRIX and Scene Cuts)
(Scene goes to Ted and Dan walking down the street seeing an old man (Supposed to be Benidict) chasing Squirly and Jim yelling about how no one fondles his hooters)
Squirly: Shit everyone run
(Everyone Runs away from Old Man Benidict and hide at local school yard)
Ted: God Damn it Squirly why the hell you gotta be so damn stupid all the time.
Squirly: Hey Man im not stupid all the time, theres huge chunks of time at night where im just asleep. Its ridiculos really,
Hendrix: I don't know what the hells going on, what the hell happened that we got an old man yelling at us about fondling hooters, who touched his nipps?
(Everyone stares at Hendrix as if he is stupid)
Jim: Hey Squirly wanst that cool how we got caught doing that with the owls.
Ted: Jesus Christ Jim if you put your head up his ass anymore you will be able to taste what he had for lunch.
Jim: Very funny Ted! But I have news for you, Me and Squirly arent afraid to do those kind of things.
Ted: Dude did you just say your not afraid to stick you head up his ass. (Everyone Laughs)
Jim: No, Were just not afraid to do wild things. (Everyone laughs more)
Ted: Jim you better shut up now because your making yourself look like a damn queer.
Jim: Oh grow up, Im not Gay you are!
Hendrix: Oh good come back twinkle toes.
Jim: Oh that's it im leaving, Squirly are you coming with me.
Squirly: Please don't use my name and your name together when you say come.
Ted: Yeah Elton John, I know why you agreed to do this prank anyway, You don't mind shoving pointy things up asses now do you.
Jim: Okay you all know im not gay why do you insist on saying these things.
Hendrix: When you say things like what you just said, how can we not think your gay.
Ted: Yeah really Jim you use big words all the time and always sound like a queer.
Squirly: You know what they say men use big words to make up for their lack of penis size, hah.
Jim: Well can we get off the gay subject and just go and do something normal for once.
Ted: Im tired of normal, everything in this damn town is normal, For once why don't we do something that's not normal.
Squirly: Hey man I like the sound of that.
Jim: Yeah like how bout miniature golf.
Ted: No not that you fruit something fun and wild.
Hendrix: Yo I gots it, How bout we go on a trip.
Ted: That's actually a good idea, for 8 years I've known you and you never even said one thing the least bit intellegent. For once I can say im glad to be your friend.
Squirly: Yeah Hendrix where did that brain fart come from.
Hendrix: I guess I was just due for a good idea.
Jim: Yes, I like that idea so much I could kiss you. (Everyone backs up) but I wont cuz im not gay!
Ted: Sure fooled me Liberachi
Jim: IM NOT GAY!
Squirly: Okay all this talk about gays is making me wanna hurl. Where the hell we gonna go anyway.
Ted: Well we don't have money, so we cant actually go anywhere.
Hendrix: What if we went on a different kind of trip.
Squirly: Dude are you suggesting drugs.
Hendrix: I was for a minute but then I thought that what if we did the biggest prank of all and transformed this town into what we want it to be.
Ted: Damn man 2 ideas in a row what the hell happen to you, Overnight you become Freaking Einstien over here.
Hendrix: No but I stuck a cutip in my ear, I must have poked something.
Ted: I don't know Jim was over your house you sure he didn't stick anything in your ear.
Squirly: Aww don't cry we were kidding, Don't get your panties in a knot.
Ted: Listen everyone shut up, how are we even going to do this, we only have 4 people.
Squirly: Well I can probally get Doug and Steve Putoby to come and help us.
Ted: Okay that's 6 people.
Hendrix: Well I know this kid Stan who just came back from juvi, I could give him a buzz on the phone if needed.
Ted: Alright then it looks like we got ourselves something to do this summer.
Squirly: Yo Yo Yo guys I just had this vision, What if Cat was spelled D-O-G (Everyone looks at him for a second then ted begins to talk while Squirly shrugs his shoulders.)
Ted: Well even if we get all these people, how in gods name are we going to transform this shitty town into something interesting.
Jim: Maybe an Arts and Crafts show
Hendrix: If you say one more gay thing like that, I will cut off your head and shit down your neck.
Ted: (Whispered to Squirly) Knowing Jim he'd probally like it. (They both laugh)
Ted: Okay I say we split up and go get some people, Squirly you go with me and Hendrix you go with Jim.
Jim: Well uh I thought I could go with Squirly.
Hendrix: Seriously guys don't stick me with Toss Salad Man over here.
Ted: Well me and Squirly are gonna go get Doug and Steve while you get Stan, Meet us at the Wal Mart Shopping Center at 2
(They All Leave Scene Cuts)
(We Meet Doug and Steve the Putoby Brothers)
(Scene starts with them shaking their heads and listening to What Is Love while flexing in the mirror when suddenly they hear a knock at the door)
Squirly: (Knocking rapidly and they answer) Doug Steve What The Hells Up Guys!
(They Shut Door Quickly)
Ted: Maybe they forgot who you are
Squirly: Im telling you they know who I am their just a little cautious since I blew up their last house. (KICKS OPEN DOOR) But Seriously we don't have time to play these games.
Doug: Oh hey Squirly I didn't know it was you man, I uh thought it was a robber or something like that.
Steve: Yah Squirly you know we would never do that to you, You know since you kicked my dad's ass last summer then dug up my granpop and took a shit in his coffin and everything.
Ted: You seriously took a shit in the coffin.
Squirly: Hells ya that Gramps was asking for it.
Ted: HE WAS DEAD SQUIRLY. How the hell did he ask for it.
Squirly: You should of seen the old bastard at the funeral sitting their in the coffin just staring at me. I swear man I could of kicked his ass right there, Looking at my sandles if definatly a paddling.
Ted: (Said in low voice) Moron (And looks around) Hey Doug and Steve this is a nice place you got here.
Doug: Thanks uh hey whats your name anyway.
Squirly: Oh yeah, This is Ted. We got a plan for this summer and we need you help…and your money…and your house.
Doug: Well Id love to help you but I don't think my mom would go for letting you in my house.
Steve: Yeah Squirly expecially since you burnt down our last house.
Squirly: Hey but didn't I Try to put it out.
Doug: Pissing on the flames doesn't count
Squirly: But you cant say I didn't try.
Ted: Listen guys what If I promised that Mr. T would come to this town if we planned an event so huge that not even God himself could do something better.
Doug: Id say COME AGAIN. Then id laugh cuz I said come.
Steve: Are you saying sort of like a woodstock?
Ted: Not Woodstock but along the lines of that.
Squirly: Yeah were talking some kick ass, hard rock, raise the dead kind of event.
Ted: Yes and we would need your help but most of all we need your money.
Doug: Basically your saying your using me for my money.
Ted: Among other things yes, but this way people will think your cool because you made this town something to remember. (Squirly Whispers to Ted- Dude that's impossible, these guys make Richard Simmons look like Elvis.)
Doug: Okay we'll do it, But only on our terms!
Ted: Okay that's why we have negotiations.
Doug: First, We want our opinions to be included.
Steve: Yeah and I want you to stop taking naked pictures of my sister:
Ted: No
Doug: Well we tried.
Steve: Looks like we got ourselves a deal.
Ted: Squirly get Hendrix and Toss Salad Man on the phone and see how their coming out with Stan.
Squirly: I already called them and they said he will meet us at Wal Mart at two.
Ted: Whats this guy like anyway.
Squirly: Dude this guys buff, strong, and has a huge mean streak.
Ted: Hmm sounds good.
(Scene Cuts over to Wal Mart with Ted, Squirly, Doug and Steve Walking to Wal Mart and they see Hendrix and Jim Sitting there)
Ted: Okay so where's your guy.
Hendrix: Don't worry he will be here, But guys don't be afraid of him even though all of his prison mates vanished without a trace of where they went.
(Iron Man Music in background-Camera is shooting on Stan's Foot as he steps out of the car, Then you see him fully and he is a fat kid. Everyones mouth drops.)
Ted: This is your guy, this is the kid who's prison mates dissappeard, Hell Hendrix it looks like the Fat Ass ate them.
Hendrix: Shit man I swear he wasn't like this last time I saw him.
Doug: When exactly was the last time you saw him.
Hendrix: March 21, 1987
Squirly: How old were you then two?
Hendrix: No man 2 and ½
Ted: Moron Hendrix, what the hell we gonna do with a fat kid.
(Stan Walks Up)
Ted: So you must be Stan
Stan: Please call me Stanley, I have reformed from my old ways of violence.
Squirly: It looks like your stomach has reformed into a new shape as well.
Hendrix: Yeah what the hell happen to you, you look like you gained a few pounds.
Stan: Well I haven't really had a chance to work off, I've been busy trying to become an actor and have been turned down a lot.
Ted: Aww what happen did you realize the Good Year Blimp job was taken.
Jim: Guys why do you have to be so insensitive to the feelings of your fellow man.
Doug: Is this guy gay, Not that there is anything wrong with that I just wanted to know.
Jim: No im not gay, Im just very in touch with the little child inside.
Ted: Did you touch him inappropriately?(Everyone laughs but Steve has a confused look on his face)
Jim: Oh Really, Grow up.
Squirly: Jim what did I tell you about talking.
Jim: Sorry Squirly, I know you're my friend
(Steve Looks at everyone)
Steve: Haha I just got that joke, Man that was killer. (Everyone looks at Steve)
Ted: Okay now that everyone is here we should start to discuss the details of this event.
Steve: What if Cat was spelled D-O-G?
Squirly: Hahaha I like this guy already.
Ted: Okay will the 2 morons shut up and listen for a second.
Squirly: Sorry bout that Ted
Ted: Okay were going to need something to attract people, hmmm like somethiing to do with TV, Everyone loves TV.
Squirly: Didn't you say something to Steve and Doug about Mr. T
Ted: Yeah I did but I said it as a joke.
Squirly: Dude everyone in the world loves Mr. T why don't we get him to appear in town.
Jim: That's actually a good idea I love Mr. T
Hendrix: Yeah see even Queer Boy likes him.
Jim: IM NOT GAY!
Ted: How would we get Mr. T to come to our town, Our Town Sucks a monkies Nipple.
Squirly: I say we hold the town hostage till he comes to our town.
Ted: Haha you're a moron Squirly, we cant just hold the whole town hostage.
Squirly: Yeah we can didn't you ever see that movie with that guy who did that stuff.
Ted; Rory Calhoon?
Hendrix: Yeah that's the guy.
Steve: Well we cant hold the town hostage.
Doug: What if we just tell everyone he's coming to the town even if he's really not.
Ted: Hey yeah we could just do that, but what if we actually try to get him to come.
Stan: Im hungry
Ted: SHUT UP YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT! You are the worst thing that ever came out a pee hole!
Jim: You hurt his feelings, Stanley do you need a shoulder to cry on?
Stan: I wouldn't make a remark like that to me again if you want to live another day.
Jim: I see someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today!
Stan: I see someone would like his dick cut off, then fed to my pitbull then have the thing burnt when my pitbull shits it out.
Ted: Okay all of you stop fighting, I actually thought of an idea, We do random insane things to attract the media then we tell them what were trying to do. All Agreed
Squirly: We all agree, but uh what can we do?
(Scene Cuts)
(Next Scene has Ted humping a mechanical horse outside of Giant dressed like a clown)
Ted: Ya know what this is getting attention, but uh not the kind of attention we need.
Squirly: Yeah You can say that again but im laughing my freaking ass off.
Ted: Lets see what Pat Beer has to say about the situation
Beer: Are you Mike?
Ted: No my names Ted
Beer: Random lines
Ted: Ohhhhhh, So you like Mr. T
Squirly: Okay well that had nothing to do with the situation.
Ted: Yeah its not like Pat Beer to let us down, Hmm What else can we do?
Squirly: Dress Up As a Clown.
As you can see I didnt know where to go with this script.
