| Tale No. 3 : How Vinnie the Pooh met Nicholas the Beancounter | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1. One day Nicholas the Beancounter needed some mutual support ..... as usually, Vinnie the Pooh was there to help. Tema Mutual support Data ir laikas Fri, 13 Dec 2002 13:25:49 +0100 Nuo XXXXXXXXXXXX From: "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> on 2002.12.10 19:25 GMT To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]> cc: Subject: Mutual support Dear sir, First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, this is by virtue if its nature as being utterly CONFIDENTIAL and TOP SECRET. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I have decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction, as I have been reliably informed of your ability to keep secrets in transactions of this nature. Let me start by first introducing myself properly to you, I am MR. Nicholas Chuka, an accountant with the UNION BANK PLC. I came to know of you in my private search for a reliable and reputable person to handle this confidential transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to a foreign account requiring maximum confidence. THE PROPOSAL A foreigner, Late Roy Durand , an Oil Merchant/ Contractor with the Federal Government of Nigeria, until his death five years ago in an air crash, banked with us here at UNION BANK PLC. and had a closing balance of US$10.5M (Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)which the bank now unquestionably expects to be claimed by any available foreign next-of-kin of the Late beneficiary or alternatively be donated to a discredited trust fund for arms and ammunition at a military war college here in Nigeria. Fervent efforts are being made by the UNION BANK PLC to get in touch with any of the Durand family or relatives to no avail. It is because of the perceived possibility of not being able to locate any of Late Roy Durand's next-of-kin (he had no known wife and children) that the management under the influence of our chairman and members of the board of directors, directed that an arrangement be made for the funds to be declared UNCLAIMABLE and subsequently be donated to the Trust Fund for Arms and Ammunition to further enhance war in Africa and the world in general. In order to avert this negative development, some of my trusted colleagues and I now seek your permission to have you stand as a next-of-kin to Late Roy Durand so that the funds, US$10.5M would be released and paid into your bank account as the beneficiary's next-of-kin. All documents and proof that will enable you get this fund will be carefully worked out and more so we are assuring you of a 100% risk free involvement. Your share stays with you while the rest would be for myself and my colleagues for investment purposes in your country. We have agreed that the funds will be shared thus:- 1. 30% of the money will go to you for acting as the beneficiary of the funds. 2.10% will be set aside for reimbursement to both parties for any incidental expenses that may be incurred in the course of the transfer. 3.60% to us the originators of the transaction. If this proposal is OK by you and you do not wish to take undue advantage of the trust we hope to bestow on you, then kindly get in touch with me immediately via my private Email ONLY, furnishing me with your most confidential telephone, fax number and exclusive bank particulars so that I can use these information to apply for the release and subsequent transfer of the funds in your favour. Thank you in advance for your anticipated co-operation. Yours faithfully, MR. Nicholas Chuka ACCOUNTANT(UNION BANK PLC). |
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| 2. However, Vinnie needs some more information first. Tema Tell me more Data ir laikas Fri, 13 Dec 2002 14:11:42 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" Dear Nicholas, Thanks for your e-mail. The whole deal might sound interesting. Could you tell me how did you manage to obtain my corporate e-mail, though. Best regards, Mike Pukuotukas Chief executive manager Sales division |
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| 4. Just look at all this detailed explanation ! Betcha, Nicholas must have been in this business for a while ! Tema RE Data ir laikas Mon, 16 Dec 2002 15:45:26 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> Dear Mike Pukuotukas , Thanks for your immediate response to my business proposal. The full details of this transaction is as follows: 1. The whole idea is to present your data to Union Bank of Nigeria as next of kin to late Roy Durand in order to effect the transfer of the funds in your favour. 2. You are to email me details of the bank where you want to transfer the money with the account number and name of beneficiary of the account. This account must be 100% safe for such a transaction as the one we involved in presently. 3. As soon as you send the account details, I will make an application on your behalf to Union Bank of Nigeria for the immediately release of the money into your nominated bank account. 4. Once the application is submitted on your behalf, the bank will endorse it and issue necessary approvals for the payment to be made to you at once. Be informed that I have the consent of my colleagues in the bank is to carry out this deal, thus assuring you that little or no questions will be raised by the bank officials in respect of this deal. We have worked out the modalities for a hitch-free transfer of the money to your account. This deal is completely risk-free. 5. When the bank approves the transfer, they will contact you directly/officially to notify you. At this stage, you must inform me to enable us prepare for our trip to your country for the disbursement and investment of our share with your guidiance. 6. There is need for you to make available your private tel/fax numbers for easier communication. 7. This deal will be finalized in 4 days from the date of the receipt of the required information from you (i.e your bank details, your private tel/fax numbers) to enable us make the application immediately. 8. You must keep this deal highly confidential for security reasons. I anticipate your earliest response. Kindest regards, nicholas. |
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| 5. Well, at the moment I'm really busy with other pets from Nigeria. And I really need to buy Christmas gifts. And here's this Nicholas ..... Let's just write him something ..... Tema Sorry for the delay ! Data ir laikas Wed, 18 Dec 2002 17:30:59 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" Dear Nicholas, Sorry for the delay - I've just got back from a business trip and read your e-mail. I had to drive a lot that's why I feel a bit tired and my head is not working properly. I'll print your e-mail, take it home with me and then send my response tomorrow. Do you think it would be wise to show your e-mail to my wife ? Or should I keep it secret ? Christmas period is almost there. We've got plenty of snow outside and the temperature is 5 degrees below zero. It's ok since two days ago it was 15 degrees below zero. I haven't bought any Christmas gifts for my family yet. I guess I'll have to do that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. By the way, do you celebrate Christmas in Nigeria ? Do you ever send postcards to your loved ones ? This is all interesting for me, because I have never met anyone from your part of the world ! OK, gotta run ! Can't be late home otherwise my ass is in trouble ! Best regards and looking forward hearing from you ! Mike Pukuotukas PS. Are you married ? |
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| 6. However, Nicholas the BeanCounter doesn't bother to reply. Guess I oughta remind him that I seriously wanna get my millions. Tema Still in the deal ? Data ir laikas Thu, 19 Dec 2002 11:01:41 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" Dear Nicholas, I haven't heard from you lately and that's why I've started to have doubts whether we're still in the deal ? Please, respond to my message as soon as you can ! We'll have public holidays soon and that means I'll be away from my PC for several days and won't be able to respond to your messages. Best regards, Mike Pukuotukas |
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| 7. I bet ya still in the deal, Nicholas boy, however it's my turn to be silent. Tema YES I am Still in the deal Data ir laikas Tue, 24 Dec 2002 16:50:44 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> Dear Mike I have been waiting for the information. I am still 100% in the deal. I need your phone and fax number to enhance information between us and your banking details to apply for the next-of-kin to Roy Durand, all this I will be waiting to receive from you. Happy holiday. Nicholas. |
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| 8.Hehehhehee ya seem a lil'worried, ain't ya, my friend ? Tema Hope to hear from you Data ir laikas Mon, 30 Dec 2002 18:41:53 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> Dear Mike, What seems to be the problem? I have not heard from you since my last mail. I understand that you said that you will be out for holidays but I guess you are suppose to be back now. Please, reply me and let me know what is happening. I hope to hear from you. Regards, Nicholas. |
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| 9. What's going on Nicholas ? Don't worry I'm still in the deal. Tema Re: Hope to hear from you Data ir laikas Tue, 31 Dec 2002 17:34:48 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" What's the pressure, Nicholas ? The whole country is still on holiday. Be back at work on 2nd of January. E-mail me with more information about the deal and what's my role in it. I'll reply to your e-mail and be ready for the operation in a couple of days. In the meantime, I raise a glass of champagne for your health. Happy New Year. Hope both of us will be rich in 2003. Mike |
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| 10. Ya know, I kinda like this guy 'cause he explains everything so sincerely. I almost wish the money was there. Tema A prosperous New Year Data ir laikas Fri, 3 Jan 2003 12:47:55 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> Dear Mike, I read your mail with happiness on the 31/12/02, I must confess I was had a very happy Year beginning because I know you are one happy man. I was supposed to reply your may on 2/1/03 but I decided to give you a little rest before proceeding into full business transaction. Thanks for your response to my business proposal. The full details of this transaction is as follows: 1. The whole idea is to present your data to Union Bank of Nigeria as next of kin to late Roy Durand in order to effect the transfer of the funds in your favour. 2. You are to email me details of the bank where you want to transfer the money with the account number and name of beneficiary of the account. This account must be 100% safe for such a transaction as the one we involved in presently. 3. As soon as you send the account details, I will make an application on your behalf to Union Bank of Nigeria for the immediately release of the money into your nominated bank account. 4. Once the application is submitted on your behalf, the bank will endorse it and issue necessary approvals for the payment to be made to you at once. Be informed that I have the consent of my colleagues in the bank is to carry out this deal, thus assuring you that little or no questions will be raised by the bank officials in respect of this deal. We have worked out the modalities for a hitch-free transfer of the money to your account. This deal is completely risk-free. 5. When the bank approves the transfer, they will contact you directly/officially to notify you. At this stage, you must inform me to enable us prepare for our trip to your country for the disbursement and investment of our share with your guidance. 6. There is need for you to make available your private tel/fax numbers for easier communication. 7. This deal will be finalized in 4 days from the date of the receipt of the required information from you (i.e your bank details, your private tel/fax numbers) to enable us make the application immediately. 8. You must keep this deal highly confidential for security reasons. I raise a glass of champagne for your health and a successful business relationship. I anticipate your earliest response. Kindest regards, Nicholas. |
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| 11. The only problem he's such a pain in the ass sometimes. Tema Hope nothing is wrong? Data ir laikas Tue, 7 Jan 2003 09:26:45 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> Dear Mike, After my mail dated 03/01/03 to you I have not head anything from you, what seems to be the problem? I hope you are perfectly okay? I requested for your banking information and your personal phone and fax number for easier communication. I wish you reply my mail as soon as you read it. Regards, Nicholas |
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| 12. Now here Vinnie screws up for the first time and that might happen if one has too many Nigerian pets. Check out mail No. 5 where Vinnie tells Nicholas he's married. Wassup with this fiancee, huh ? Tema Re: Hope nothing is wrong? Data ir laikas Tue, 7 Jan 2003 17:04:20 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" Dear Nicholas, I've just got back to the office after this crazy holiday season ! Sorry for the delay, man ! People party and drink like crazy in this country during this time of the year and life really stops here for almost two week. In fact, I took a few days off and visited my fiancee who lives in another country and stayed with her for a week. I could not reply to your e-mail on Monday - I found my table covered with papers, my inbox jammed with messages and on top of all this - my boss was standing behind my back all day long. Nicholas, I understand that this matter is rather urgent, however, let me think for a day or two how all this matter can be resolved and I'll answer your questions and present all information about myself. One more question, though ! Can I tell my fiancee about our deal ? You told me that I should keep my mouth shut, however, if I get involved in all this, then she should know about this as well. Besides, I trust her and I think she could be of some assistance to us. Let me know what do you think about all this. Best regards, Mike PS. Nicholas, thank you for your good wishes ! I'm not sure whether you celebrate Christmas and New Year in your country but the same to you ! |
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| 13. My fiencee doesn't bother Nicholas, though. Tema Waiting patiently Data ir laikas Tue, 7 Jan 2003 19:27:37 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> |
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| 14. Let's try to introduce my fiancee to Nicholas. Tema Re: Waiting patiently Data ir laikas Tue, 14 Jan 2003 19:15:32 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" Sorry Nicholas, I didn't reply to your mail because I had to visit my fiancee in Poland. Did I mention to you that we plan to get married soon ? Are you married yourself ? If you are, then you've got to understand that sometimes things can get pretty complicated with those women. Ok, I've got carried away. Anyway, I told my fiancee about your proposal. If it's still open - we're in. Let me know if I should follow your instructions and etc. Best regards, Mike |
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| 15. Hehehehe he's like Whitney Houston ! I've no doubts that you'll be there till you manage to rob me, Nicholas boy ! Tema I will be there with you Data ir laikas Tue, 14 Jan 2003 19:19:46 -0000 Nuo "Nicholas Chuka" <[email protected]> Dear friend, I was glad reading your mail once again. I understand what you will be going thru right as I write this mail. Your mind will be divided into lots of things, working, planning for your marriage, telling people, seeing people, phone calls etc. I am married with 3 kids, 2 girls and 1 boy. I knew how it was during my time, I will be there during the marriage the celebrate with you as soon as we transfer the money into your account and even make it more colorful. What I need now is to get the account information where you wish that this money is transferred into, the name, account number and bank name. Then I will proceed with the change of beneficiary to your name. Then the bank will contact you to know how you may need the transfer. You can call me 234-14704726. My regards to your beloved fianc�. Nicholas. |
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| 16. Tema Thank you, my friend ! Data ir laikas Thu, 16 Jan 2003 17:37:47 +0200 Nuo "Mike Pukuotukas" Dear Nicholas, Thanks for your kind words ! You're right, my friend ! Marriage is a very serious decision ! I'm glad you understand that. We made that decision a long time ago and nobody's gonna stop us now! The wedding will take place in a couple of months and that's why we've got so many issues to solve. I believe that at least 100 people will attend the wedding party ! Can you imagine how much money is it going to cost ! Fortunately, my folks are pretty wealthy, otherwise we would not be able to afford that ! And that's why I'm rather keen to assist with your small problem, if you know what I mean ! I told my fiancee everything about your proposal ( actually I've included her e-mail in cc field and I'll do everytime from now on ) and she agreed that we must help you. We've also planned what we are going to do first with our cut ! It's easy guess - the honeymoon in some nice place ! My fiancee was a little bit worried about one thing, though ! Is the deal legal ? Or if we put it this way - what's the chance of getting in trouble with the law, if you know what I mean ? We're decent people and we do not want any problems with the law. Well, I've got to run now. I still haven't bought the rings and other stuff. Please, when you reply to me can you send a copy to my beloved fiancee ??? She lives several hundred kilometres in a neighbouring country and we don't meet or speak on the phone too often. Well, I guess when we get married it will change ! Best regards, Mike PS. Nicholas, say Hi to your spouse ! Hope that I'll meet her someday ! And, Nicholas, just to make our relationship a little warmer I've included our picture ! |
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