STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied:"Guess where!"
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There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
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HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?.............. UNIQUE UP ON IT.
HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?................. TAME WAY, UNIQUE UP ON IT
HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?.................... YOU BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT.
HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND A TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
................ SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE A TRAILER
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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
that considered a hostage situation?
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.
Confidence: the feeling a person has before he fully understands the situation.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here in Texas.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll
ever say.
Real men don't waste their hormones growing hair.
I'm trying to see from your point of view but I can't shove my head that far up my ass.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never escape it alive anyway.
A woman can never be equal to a man until she can walk down the street bald with a beer belly and think she is beautiful.
You can kiss a fool, you can let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you.
A true friend stabs you in the front.
